Magic is a word seldom used here in Equestria, and when it is it's with hateful implications.
There was a time years ago when unicorns lived in harmony with the other pony races, but that time is no longer. Now, the magical ponies are dragged from their homes and locked away for their gift. Some hide from the dangers of Equestria's new overlord, a wicked mare known only as Motherboard. Others fight her cyborg armies. Comet Sparkle, the son of Twilight Sparkle, is one of those who defends ponydom against the mechanical minutemen.
Equestria may be lost forever to the horrors of technology, but it must not be left in Motherboard's hooves any longer.
Chapters (2)
A bit short, but an interesting idea, will keep an eye on this
Wow. None of the emoticons adequately express how I feel right now. So I shall hand you a
, because I have nothing else to give.
I did notice some minor errors, nothing a quick edit can't fix.
There/their confusion. It happens to all of us.
An unnecessary "the".
Onward to the second chapter!
1911844
Thanks for pointing that out. I'll fix it right away.
1911870 You're welcome. Here are a few for this chapter:
There's a missing word here. Or, more accurately, not here.
That should be meet.
And. I couldn't resist.
And an easy way to make it feel longer and less rushed would be to devide up the paragraphs a bit. A good place to start would be with the dialogue. Generally a new speaker begins a new paragraph. It both makes paragraphs easier to digest, and the speaker easier to track.
Have another
.
archive.heinessen.com/boards/k/img/0123/19/1343595508698.jpg
I love this story.