• Member Since 31st Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 15th, 2016

Bloomberg-Boogaloo


E

Pinkie pie discovers a documentary about the rainbow factory. She gets twilight to use that one spell in "Sonic Rainboom." and take her to cloudsdale to see if it's real. I know it sounds stupid, but just read it.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 44 )

Is this after the events of the rainbow factory?

1917303 Actually, this is reveal in the 4th chapter. In this world, Rainbow Factory is a story. Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are still alive. It never actually happened. But the place exists. And Rainbow Dash is not running it. That's why she isn't in the main characters of the story.

You have a few errors in your writing. Several quotation marks are missing and any time a character starts speaking it needs to be put on a new line. Don't be afraid to put description of ponies, like what colors are the mayor of Cloudsdale mane/tail and her coat? The guards as well, you don't need to go crazy but just take a simple color wheel and pick some at random... that is if you want to.
Chapters are a tad short but that's just a nit pick of mine.
I think you have Pinkie's character spot on with her just being very open about what she thinks or is on her mind.

1917512 Well i appreciate your criticism.

Grammar never was the strongest aspect of my writing. Maybe you could send me some sort of grammar guide.

Honestly, i am surprised to get a comment on being descriptive of characters. Usually, i can describe characters pretty well. I have another story in the works. And every character gets there own description. I'll consider fixing that.

Yeah, while i can describe characters, i can't describe scenery or anything other than characters very well.

Pinkie is my favorite pony. Of course i would have her down. That's why she's the main character. She's like a book to me. That and it doesn't work with any of the others. And again, she is my favorite.

Oh, and thanks for the fav, and thanks for your time.

1917663 You're very welcome. As for grammar I have an editor to catch the stuff I miss (which is a lot more than i'll admit), FiM has groups made for this very purpose. If you do your own editing I recommend The Editor's Omnibus (EQD) as a good starting point.

1920875 Well, simply for my convenience, what is the name of the Editor? And the groups.

Thanks for the help.:pinkiehappy:

Below is the like to just one of many editor groups on FiM, The Editor's omnibus I linked in my prior post.
looking for editors group

1917512 Hey, cold you list the quotation marks i missed. As in number of quotes missed per chapter. I feel like an idiot for not even getting quotation entirely right.:pinkiesad2:

1928965 I would if I wasn't busy with getting ready for my next semester of collage, dealing with my full time job, my own stories and a few more I can't mention with out going into a rant about. If you get an editor you can ask them. I'm sorry if I have come off as rude here but stress and having to deal with this day (Having to work on my day off) has put me in a sour mood. Also i'm sorry for sounding like a b****.

The Rainbow Factory has stolen all my likes :rainbowkiss:

1929223> Well, thanks anyway,\. And i understand. I have been trying to get an editor. I haven't gotten any bites yet.

1929773 Yeah, sorry rainbow dash. But your not in this story. And if it makes you feel better, i never liked rainbow factory.

this seems like a great idea! :pinkiehappy:

when will new chapters come up??

1933974 I'm working on it right now. It should be out today or tomorrow. Also, if you want something to help you wait, here is the original, unedited chapter 1. As well as the first chapter of my next story.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8876021/1/Road-to-the-Rainbow-Factory

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8882131/1/Battle-for-equestria-Journey-to-the-frozen-north

Just copy and paste that.

I don't like these kinds of things, they make me sick. :pinkiesick: But I love this story!:pinkiehappy: Why do my feeling conflict? :raritydespair:

1950377 I don't know.

And thanks for the fav. And thanks for your time. :twilightsmile:

why do I find this funny??? :unsuresweetie::unsuresweetie:

..... i think it's because of Pinkie Pie

1952859 Pinkie makes everything funny. Oh and i'm gonna do bloopers for chapters 4 and 5. Whether it be it's own chapter or part of the chapter itself. I guess anyone who reads this, decide on that.

Longer chapter I approve :ajsmug: And why a scalpel and not say a knife shaped like a butterfly? :derpytongue2: or how about something truly ridiculous like... a bowling pin that explodes into confetti :pinkiehappy: oh wait that might be more Discord then pinkie.

1953500 I knew you would. The scalpel is another cupcakes joke. "No reason" is her trying to hide the fact that she is a murderer. :pinkiesad2: Of course, it's only a joke. As well as the green horn being Lyra's. :pinkiehappy:

On a different note: Are you notified when a chapter is added to a story in your favorites? Or do you just check your favorites frequently? The reason i ask is i'm adding bloopers. Basically jokes that i thought of, but couldn't add do to storyline purposes. And if i add them as part of the chapters, i wanna know whether to take down the chapter, add the bloopers, and put it back up. Thanks! :rainbowkiss:

P.S. Editors take forever.

1953613 My favorite's page updates when a new chapter is published, as is any pony's who favorites a story.

As for the bloopers, I personally would do a blog post like "X chapter bloopers" and tag the blog to notify any who have favorited the story. If you plan on adding bloopers as a chapter than I suggest using only one chapter (marked bloopers) and updating it after new chapters are completed. I recommend one of these methods because adding bloopers as part of a chapter can be a bit confusing for some who just got done reading.

PS: Editor's my take forever, but it's worth the hassle.
Pss: My editor was injured and my newest chapter is now two weeks late :raritycry:

1953892 Well, both of the stories i favorited are complete so yeah.

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

Oh, how did he get injured? :ajsleepy:

1953978 It was new years day (Literally some time past midnight) he was riding his bike on his way home, he moved onto the sidewalk to avoid some cars and was clipped by a drunk driver. I went to pick him up after her called me and I've seen worse but he was pretty banged up. The right side of his body was swollen, bruised and scrapped up. He dislocated his wrist but other then that if was just another nasty fall.

1954031 Ouch, is he gonna be be alright? And wait, your editor lives near you?

1954091 He's a long time friend of mine and yes he's alright, he's a non-brony but is cool with being my editor.

1954230 Oh, okay. And i love non-bronies that still help you out.

........again?:rainbowhuh:well at least you updated!:pinkiehappy:

Did you get Aurora Dawn's (author of Rainbow Factory) permission to write this? Rainbow Factory technically belongs to her, so you copying it might come off as plagiarism if not.

1990379 I used it to get information. Again, this certificate thing is wierd. Fimfiction is acting slow for me. Because the certificate is whatever. I don't get it and i need info.

1990509 No, but honestly, after seeing the amount of people who write and submit rainbow factory stories, i doubt she cares. Honestly i'd feel flattered if i got a million fanfics about my fanfic.

Sounds fun.
Totally gonna give it a shot.

2282438 I wish you good luck. And remember, try and make it good, but have fun.

Oh, and link me the story. Just in case fimfiction denies it. And you have to post it somewhere else.

Thank you! :ajsmug:

I liked the story, but i would love it if it turned out that rainbow worked there. :twilightsmile:

3771542 Why recycle a twist that's already been used in the original story?

"I've got cupcakes!"

"Please, I can't be bribed by delicious treats." Twilight continued walking. "But that reminds me, have you seen Lyra? She seams to have disappeared."

"No Idea!" Said pinkie as she tucked a green unicorn horn back into her pocket.

I see what you did there...:pinkiecrazy:

ooh so its during the events of the rainbow factory.... Cool idea, and acculy very creative. I wish more peaple would of read this searis:pinkiehappy:

3771542 Im doing one myself where Trixie was put in charge of the Factory, and she got turned into an alicorn, but in mine Rainbow Dash is forced to work there, and Derpy is sent there and ESCAPES :) ALL HAIL THE MUFFIN QUEEN.

dont fret man, i liked this. you should try reading my stories. everyone gets picky over them. i happen to like what i wrote. id love a second pair of eyes though.

Nice, but it's kind of short... I'm still gonna like, though

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