Twilight Sparkle has a test! As always, she studies really hard for it.
Then Rarity gets involved.
After a while, they realize they have feelings for each other. But what happens when the friend you thought you had betrays you and your close friendship together?
Only tagged as romance because of the shipping in beginning chapters.
Thanks to my best friend(he doesn't have a fimfiction account) for drawing the coverart for me.<3
In need of editors willing to edit this.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm not going to dislike but I'm not going to like it.
The thing is....you've sort of just thrown this in our face, there's been no lead up and everybody seems...awkwardly out of character.
I mean you've got Spike who'd never miss the chance to be around Rarity running up the stairs.
Then you've got the bit at the end and I'm sitting here thinking "...That's it?" I mean, I know everybody reacts differently but that's the thing, they react, in this instance we've just got "I love you," "Oh yeah? Me too." and it feels like it took away from it a bit.
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Thankies for the feedback ^^ Greatly appreciated.
Well, Spike was awfully tired, as I made clear.
The last part will be made much more clear in upcoming chapters.
2239052 yeah but we kind of know he'll stick around despite various other reasons.
If you're gonna dislike, at least post a comment saying WHY.
2239716 Welcome to the world of being an author, learn now that next to nobody will leave feedback or even comment in any way, shape or form.
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Then everyone who doesn't even bother to leave feedback on how I can make it better obviously shouldn't even have an account. Others leave feedback on their stories, so why can't they on others'? People need to really use common sense.
Good story so far. I can't seem to find anything yet to fix minus the "I love you" part. It feels too early to say that in the first chapter unless it was a squeal.
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Thankies for the critique. ^^ I'm currently looking for editors willing to edit the story, so everything will soon be fixed.
Will not post any other chapters until I'm done self-editing the first one.
PLEASE NOTE: Currently, the middle to the ending of the first chapter is not self-edited event-wise. It will be edited ASAP. Please be patient.
EDIT: Finished self-editing Chapter One.
I much agree with Ice and Shadowbolt192.
I love how the story is; all the detail, and the interesting conclusions in chapters.
This is a different kind of story, not one that others would expect.
The following quotes mean one thing that I think many didn't know. "Correct. I as well am a fillyfooler. A fillyfooler living in secret, waiting for another." Said Twilight.
"Twilight sat still as stone, secretly enjoying the feeling of being with Rarity".
"She wrapped her forelegs around the purple coated unicorn's shoulders and pulled her close. They embraced for a few minutes, until Twilight moved her head back and put her lips to Rarity's." And etc, clearly tells shows that Twilight and Rarity are lesbian.
I like how you are showing, not telling the interesting details, some like the quotes above.
I just think that you should have the romance part in near, well, about chapter 4-5-6, because it just seems like you're jumping to things too quickly. Good job, sis! :D
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Thankies for the feedback!<3
Another thing about the Raritwi shipping-you can tell they are lesbian because of the ending of chapter one.
Also, the romance part will become more in depth in later chapters.~
Guys, what the hay am I doing wrong? If you don't post any dang feedback, it WON'T GET BETTER.
This fanfiction will be on hiatus until I'm done writing and editing at least 15 chapters in Revenge is Magic. I apologize to the people who want to read Chapter Two of this, but unfortunately, writer's block has invaded this. Until then, please enjoy Revenge is Magic~