Vanish is new in Ponyville, and from his proper mannerisms and humble nature, one would consider him more of a visitor from Canterlot than anything. Unfortunately, after an encounter with a certain Pegasus, a massive series of events begin to unravel as the Spirits of the Elements of Harmony seek to figure out Vanish's true intentions, and how they shall stop the well-mannered stallion from completing the various 'tasks' he speaks of, before their worst fears are realized.
Enjoy the story in its entirety!
Chapters (53)
What's up with the three dots in the dialogues?
1834939 It's an ellipsis, made to represent a lengthly pause taken by a character. Vanish uses them often in Chapter 10 because he's struggling to speak, but the pauses are mostly used as a moment for the characters to think over what they want to say, or give the pony they're speaking to, a chance to respond, before realizing that they may need to clarify a statement.
Admittedly, I overuse the ellipsis, though it's mostly with Vanish. I tried curbing further usage of it, especially in the narrative dialogue (where it made little sense to use it), but there's a lot of it. Thankfully, it had been reduced in later chapters, but by Chapter 12, they are still nervous with regards to the events transpiring. Sorry if it's a problem, though...
1834966
Haha. A bit too much, since all the characters use it. But it's your story.
Now there's one question I think you should answer in later chapters: Who is Vanish's 'client'?!
1835087
Oh, that gets its' answer in the next arc (which will be around five chapters, though my chapters are relatively short, aside from Chapter 12)! But I thank you for your comment on my usage of ellipsis: With Twilight being analytical, she often takes the time to think things over, and the same goes for Vanish. Even in the show, Twilight sometimes breaks into long pauses (normally when reading books and having someone talk to her. Heh...), though the ponies only do so because of intimidation due to Vanish. This lessens over time, though I suppose I should consider reducing it in other chapters... Regardless, thanks for the comment!
I actually want to apologize in advance for the late upload of the most recent arc: I had meant to upload it at night, (Eastern Standard Time), but I kinda... sorta....... fell asleep.
Sorry. I'll post the arc now, though, to make up for it.
Is Vanish considered an anti-hero or a villain?
1860520
Before answering, I actually want to thank you for your very first comment: It gave me the incentive to go back through my entire fic in order to replace most instances of unnecessary ellipsis.
It's somewhat tedious, but I also take the time to notice little errors, typos, or inconsistencies, so I'm grateful! 
To answer your question, though, I leave it up for the viewer to decide for the most part, for themselves. Even nearing the very end of the story, he keeps his intentions to himself, even when he commits acts that seem to paint him clearly as either a friend or foe of the Mane 6. Most events in the fic can be used to determine where his loyalties lie, but it's not until the very end that his actions are given 'judgment'. Twilight's confusion kind've paints the viewers' perspective of Vanish. I would have made his character 'deeper', but this was my first fic: I tried pushing myself to the best of my abilities, but didn't want to overdo it at the risk of losing viewers.
1860851
Ah. So we decide how we picture him?
1860929
Essentially, yes. Again, it's my first fic, so I kind've went a few directions with how he was portrayed: I didn't want my first-ever OC to be one-tone in design!
... of course, Gather kind've came out that way, but the story is mainly about the experiences with Vanish that the Mane 6 undergo. Without spoiling anything, I can say this much about his viewpoint in terms of how he sees himself, and wishes others to see him: He summarized it well to Rainbow Dash in Chapter 10: The Gift of Ignorance, after he was knocked for a loop.
I'm absolutely enjoying this so far! Definite favorite on my terms!
Woah..... didn't see that coming....
Again... Didnt see that coming.
Huh. Rainbow reacted the same way as last time...
1902402 Th-Thank you for your kind comments!
I'm trying to keep Rainbow somewhat in-character, especially given how she represents the Spirit of the Element of Loyalty, but I also try to make subtle changes as the story progresses, as if Vanish is trying to teach her to change.
Twilight's the plot-driver for the most part, as well as an appropriate 'voice of reason' and 'substitute for the viewer' with her thoughts, but Rainbow Dash is just... more fun for me to write for. She's mischievous, brash, and arrogant. Great writing material in itself, but she also has a code of honor to stand by her friends.
Characters are like cakes: The best ones have multiple layers.
Suggestion: You should start a new paragraph whenever a new character talks. I got confused at times with every character speaking within the same paragraph.
Great story though! This Vanish character seems rather arrogant in my opinion, but just like he said, I should not judge so soon before having seen everything.
1907980 Vanish's arrogance stems from two things: His tendency to lead ponies into the manner he wishes them to reply to him/see him (as shown in Chapter 1, Chapter 26, etc.), As well as how he wishes to 'use' the various ponies to meet his goals, especially Rainbow Dash. He knows that Rainbow Dash values her friends above all else, so he uses that to manipulate her into doing what he wants, culminating (for the most part) in Chapter 12's events.
As the story goes on, I severely shorten the "mixed dialogue paragraphs", giving Vanish and Twilight the majority of the lines in future arcs to limit confusion. I wanted to challenge myself to be able to speak as different characters using the manner in which they talk in the series as my sole 'crutch' I can rely on (Fluttershy stammers, Pinkie Pie talks too much or banters, Rarity uses affectionate terminology and a tendency for dramatics, Applejack uses... *ugh* an accent, etc.), as a means of a challenge. Of course, nearing the end, I curb this habit for the most part, much like my old 'ellipsis' problem that was brought up previously.
I do hope you enjoy the events of the story as they unfold, but be sure to comment if something starts feeling wrong: I prefer to take comments to heart in order to change bad habits before they become 'commonplace' for me.
Holy shit. What a twist?!
1913939 Just because there's only one arc remaining before the story comes to its conclusion, doesn't mean I can tone down my writing just for the sake of wrapping things up, no sir!
1914760
Now he reminds me of Hannibal Lecter!
1919846 I loved writing for Vanish. He can pull off a twist without it being out of character (as the final arc shows), though he's far from as 'brilliant' as Lecter. Heh... GATHER on the other hand... well, he's just a sadist of sorts.
Fun little fact: In a previous version of this chapter, Derpy and Vanish had a heartfelt conversation regarding a question on his mind, as well as it having Derpy actually attack a still-awake and immobile Gather when he, while downed from the actions of Vanish, tried to state the name of the innocent individual who had supplied the powders to him, thus making them an 'accomplice' despite not knowing his intentions. Derpy actually ended up attacking Gather by sitting on his head so he couldn't SAY the name of the pony
, until Vanish located the means to keep Gather quiet.
In the end, I scrapped Derpy's role, as well as Gather's 'recovery' as well as the whole 'who was the medicine mare?' plot device (since it's kinda obvious), though I moved the 'conversation' between Vanish and Derpy to a better part of the story: The absolute final chapter.
1921040
Now that's a better build-up.
1925721 Pardon? I don't quite understand what you meant with regards to "a better build-up".
well, that was a intresting ending
1932424 Thanks! I actually had a whole bunch of endings, but rather than pick one, I just scrapped the others based off of "How easy is this to believe as an outcome?". There was going to be over 60 chapters until I scrapped several of them for going on for waaaaay too long for a single arc, and in the end, I was left with this one, sole outcome as being 'possible'.
I thank you for giving my story a read, though! If you have any advice for me, I'd appreciate the feedback!
I really hate posting comments like these, but I just wanted to let you know that this story caught my attention and I will be taking a gander at it later...tonight or tomorrow...just depends on what I have going on at the time. It looks really good though...I believe that stories containing OC's are not as popular as they should be...others see them as "Oh, this is gonna be boring or bad..." I myself see "Oooh, this could be interesting..." Well, with that being said, I shall return and give this a good in-depth read and let you know what I think about it. Guten Tag Meine Fruend!
~Ambro~
2261822 I look forward to your input! I always hope for comments from other individuals, especially the well-spoken and constructive critics! Any way I can possibly help my published story, I'd love to do so! Heh... I actually have multiple stories in the works, but I only publish completed stories, rather than 'chapter by chapter'. Even this, I had fully finished before publishing the first chapter.
I certainly hope that, when the time comes for your viewing of my story, that you thoroughly enjoy it.
As promised. I started reading this today...First chapter is indeed interesting. I was not mistaken to take a look at this. So first things first...
Interesting beginning...Derpy having a normal day, meets a seemingly normal stallion, and then finds out that her wings are gone. Way to make a first impression there buddy. Vanish is going to be a very closely watched character. By they way you have the characterizations done very well. Personalities, looks, the like. Very well done.
The setting is well done. Very descriptive while not being overly descriptive. The execution of actions is placed rather well.
The conversation is excellent and seemingly flawless...
Keep it up.
~Ambro~
2269062 I don't want to reveal spoilers ahead of time, so it's hard to know what to reply with.
Being my first published story on FIMfiction, the first thing I wanted was to make the characters have clearly differing personalities so that the reader could tell who was who, rather easily. I knew I'd be using a lot of characters, so I needed to keep writing drafts until I could get a good 'feel' for each character, in terms of how they sounded, acted, and the like. I'll admit, there are two flaws that I usually couldn't get right: Smells in the air (one of the five senses, thus needed to immerse a reader), and of course, descriptions of scenery. Aside from the weather or things they make direct contact with, I don't usually go into much.
I'm not a 'rookie author', exactly, so I could have done better here and there... Nnnnngh...
I thank you for the analysis, though! 
2269644 Well, when I get the time I will keep breaking down the chapters for you with my opinions...as well as how each chapter made me feel and whatnot. I normally can go very deep with how I take each chapter. I enjoy stories like these and so far this one is really good. I may...depending on how the next five chapters or so go...I may just have to put this on my page as an All Time Favorite story.
2269696 ... I literally read that last part and started shedding liquid pride, right then, right there.
It's three in the morning; WAY too early for me to read a comment this nice, at least, one directed to my own story! 
Nngh... Even now, I'm still editing minor things in chapters so that it can get approval for Equestria Daily: If any story of mine that I've written will get there, it'll have to be this: The others are a bit too dark in tone. More specifically, the "written and unpublished" (so all except this. Heh...) ones are too dark in tone.
Since the very start of my career here, I've had certain reasons for writing, but one hope I've always held close, is the hope of detailed readers who express their opinions vividly. Well, I finally have the chance, at least! So you have nothing but my deepest gratitude.
2269715 Well, you know what...I have just finished reading chapter two...I'll leave a detailed breakdown of that one later because I am exhausted...I am very impressed, just because I can, will, and want to you won't have to wait...I'm gonna make sure that I get this story up on my page and I'm gonna make sure I can help as much as I can to get you onto EQD because you sure as hell deserve it!!! Don't give up hope and when you decide to put more stories out...I tend to like the dark ones and the romantic ones...let me know if you need someone to take a look at it before you post it. I would be more than happy to do so and I would be more than happy to help edit if you need it.
Pony on my friend.
~Ambro~
2269735 That's actually the second offer of editing assistance so far that I've received (first being on my FIMfiction blog), and I'll have to stick by my creed: Until I receive a strike (I've submitted it twice so far, both times it got dismissed without a strike), I'll try my very best to edit it myself.
Dark and Romance? Oddly enough, I stick to reading other romance or 'clop' stories, but there's ONE of my thirteen upcoming ones that's sort of romance-related.
I don't like reading stories that might have styles I would either consciously or subconsciously begin to copy, so I stay away from most genres, at least while I'm still writing them. A shame, because they really pile up in my 'Read Later' list. 
Regardless, I'll just keep responding (I KNOW me. Heh...) to these replies, so I better make this one the last until the next chapter has been given its review. I humbly look forward to it!
2274472 Aww, thanks for saying that!
2274603
I struggled so hard with this chapter in terms of what I'd put in it. I wanted it to be "just enough to be believable" without going overboard. If your comment is any indication, I'd say I did at least a good job in that 'mission'. 
Just...
Wow.
Great ending
, it took me a LONG time to actually finish this. Now I have to go find another story like this one. This is going to be hard...
Here have a mustache.
2274925 53 chapters, I can understand people taking a while to get through it.
There are plenty of authors better than me, though, but I appreciate the sentiment.
Thank you for reading my story, and also for the mustache!
I certainly hope you enjoyed it, and may you continue to enjoy other stories. 
hmpf... read or not to read... that's the question here...
hmpf...
teen, Adventure, Derpy, OC, Main6, especially RD and Twi... hmpf... don't know~~~
in the Middle something around 2k words per chapter... H.M.P.F.
don'o cod' play 'n game w'il' prog d' 'ts r'idin' fo'ma'
Translation:
Don't know, could play an game while a program does the reading for me.
2817437 Nnnnngh... PLEASE DECIIIIDE!!!
As said in response to another comment, most are put off by how long it is, but truth be told, I'd uploaded these in "arcs": Hospital Arc, Canterlot Arc, Train Arc, etc.
I won't beg (though I WANT to!
), but really, at the very least, give it a respectable shot, like, a chapter or two. If it doesn't catch your eye, then I'll be happy just knowing it was given a chance.
That's what every author wants: A CHANCE to entertain the reader.
Also, using a program to read it for you might be difficult when it's 2K words a chapter before it needs to be moved to the next page. 
2817498
To be honest I just wanted to see if you would react on my Comment ~
First Chapter: big, dark prelude. "Smash, right in ya face!" *sits stunned there, with raised eyebrow*
I did that with the reading program already a couple of times, 2k words is ok ^^"
I have at this moment only one problem with your story: Your Story begins with an 'piano voce' and jumps epidemically after that to an 'subito forte'. (you begin nice and calm and suddenly BAAMMM!!! Derpy looses her wings!)
By the basic conditions you give the reader to work with, it's a bit disturbing for your readers. ^^"
Your Story is nothing for "just some readZzzz."
Awww hell, I will go and read your story anyways... so who am I to tell you something~~~
I'm to tired right now to give you an detailed Critique. So~~~
Twi reacts toward Vanish like he wanted to borrow "Discordia, Its fun to cause havoc." and "Stone imprisonment 101: everything you need to free Discord" and went of with the words "Next stop, Canterlot!"
Hell he just wanted to borrow two limited suspect books, If Twi would be concerned and would, calmly declare that he was suspicious for her and would prefer to inform the girls about him, just in case.
That would be an appropriate behavior. ^^"
But she acts, like she have a clue, that he plans evil things.
By the way; need a critic?
2818122 The massive shift in why things happen the way they do is limited in the story, but the reasons get explained not only through plot, but through character.
The reader can choose how they picture the OC, Vanish, in the story through his actions, and his reasons for said actions.
I like when people view a character a bit differently than I might've viewed him during the process of creating them.
And I'll ALWAYS respond to these comments! I take pride in doing so, after all!
2818369 I posted this story, honestly, under the notion I'd be getting SCALDING critiques from viewers. Heck, it's what I've wanted!
I'd be honored to have a critic view my work!
Concerning the story ideas, it's mostly from the belief that it isn't just a "normal day" at this point, what with what happened to Derpy in the story's first chapter. It's using the logic Twilight applies in a few episodes (It's About Time, Lesson Zero, even Dragon Quest, a bit) where she comes to a conclusion a bit too early and lets it get to her.
"First she's introduced to a wingless, burned Derpy Hooves, and then a pony she's never met before approaches her asking about the Elements of Harmony".
Looking it back over, it really requires a form of "suspension of disbelief" from the reader in order to have the events make sense logically. It's true that Twilight wouldn't normally be set off, but considering how she promised Rainbow Dash that she'd find "answers", a stallion she'd never seen in Ponyville becomes a basic plot device for the reasons for her actions. Basically, she wouldn't normally be set off, so I considered why she MIGHT be set off: A sudden change in the norm.
Besides, we'll both agree: If there's ONE PONY who'd come to a ridiculous conclusion...... okay, it'd be Fluttershy, but the NEXT one would be Twilight.
2819488 *not too much time right now*
Btw. it seems that your Chapter2 misses the "hmpf... this stallion" Moment for Twi, the moment where you show the reader that Twi comes to the conclusion, how ever, that he is suspect.
'nd gone for the next hours~~~ ^^
2821996 Actually, that's when she's mentioning the name of the book that wouldn't normally be mentioned by ponies.
She becomes suspicious, but not until he gets pushy with his request. I really hope you keep reading, though... I like how you point it out: It makes me realize that I still have a long way to go as a writer.
And as a person.
Twilight Mental Meltdown Counter Level or in short TMMCL: 4 of 7.
No new D.) or E.) grade decisions occurred ^^
Why would Twilight let Shy encounter such a, at least in her opinion, dangerous Pony?
It does not really match Twilight that she just stays there and watch while one of her friends runs in somepony she considers to be "armed and dangerous". ^^"
Any hoofs.
Also the Situation with AJ and Rarity (AJ holds Rar's back) in this situation both act role reversed, AJ acts like Rarity would and Rarity acts like AJ would. ^^
But that can be considered to be a "once in a while" moment if you think about what the stallion said. ^^
Anyhoofs *gnarf*~~~
2832067 Well she knows Pinkie would be more than happy to talk about herself and her friends, so she feared that if he encountered her, she might say that she's a member of the Elements, or mention the book, or, well, several other things Pinkie might be capable of doing. Heh...