• Published 17th Dec 2012
  • 1,378 Views, 59 Comments

Disappear - ShimmeringStallion



A stallion comes to Ponyville, prim and proper in demeanor, but his intentions are as unclear as his actions, until Twilight and her friends seek the truth behind his actions and identity. 'Teen' for Violence and graphic descriptions of inj

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Epilogue: Clearing the Stormy Skies

Epilogue: Clearing the Stormy Skies

For everyone in Ponyville, today was a pretty standard day. Storm clouds were hovering over Ponyville thanks to the efforts of the Pegasi of Cloudsdale. More specifically, the ‘Pegasus pony’; for Derpy Hooves, she had only one thing on her mind: She needed a drink of water. She and Rainbow Dash were supposed to place several storm clouds around Ponyville, but Rainbow had wanted to get something quickly, and asked the blonde Pegasus pony if she could take care of the task herself until she returned. Always eager to help a friend, Derpy had smiled and nodded in agreement at the request, as the fastest flyer in Cloudsdale dashed off to who-knows-where, leaving the grey-coated Pegasus pony to perform storm cloud placement on her own.

She hadn’t even placed clouds over half of the town yet, but that was only logical; Rainbow Dash made weather duties incredibly easy, given her natural speed, competitive nature, and even her charisma. She annoyed some ponies with her consistent boasting, but when it came to weather jobs, her fellow Pegasi always liked seeing just how quickly they could clear clouds out of the sky or place storm clouds in it, hoping to impress the mare that often found herself in charge of the weather duties. It wasn’t a ‘competition’, but it was a positive means of getting the Cloudsdale Pegasi motivated to work harder, thus testing themselves in the process.

Derpy couldn’t compete with Rainbow Dash, but envied her nonetheless. The light blue mare was always being asked to help with something, thanks to how quick she was on her hooves, as well as her wings. Derpy seldom got asked to help for anything, but was always willing to offer her assistance, often resulting in negative reactions from other ponies. She was naturally clumsy, but everypony knew that she meant no harm. Still, it hurt inside, knowing that she and Rainbow Dash were so different yet so similar as well. Regardless, when the rainbow-maned mare asks for help, Derpy Hooves would always be willing to lend a hoof.

Derpy was just barely hovering through the air, given her fatigue. She was exhausted and thirsty, but her eyes soon caught view of an all-too-welcome sight for the blonde Pegasus pony: The town water fountain. It was strange how she hadn’t been there in a while, but then again, she had several friends she had been seeing, and many new friends she had been making. Coupled with her busy work schedule and the last couple of eventful days in Ponyville and Canterlot, she was surprised to find herself alone at all, as she gently glided towards the water fountain.

Landing safely in front of the fountain, she had the sneaking suspicion that she was being watched, but looked around to find nopony in sight. Lowering her head slowly, she continued to look all over: To her left, to her right, ahead of her, behind her, up above and even down below her, where Pinkie Pie would sometimes pop out from, much to her surprise. Seeing nopony around, she realized that most ponies remained in the homes on stormy days, so the sight of the clouds had likely prompted them to take shelter indoors.

Alone, safe and sound, Derpy took one last look around before drinking from the fountain. Lapping up some of the cool, refreshing water, she took a moment to reflect on recent events. She had been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash to help with the storm cloud placement today. Before that, the last time she was asked to help anypony was a couple of days ago, yet it felt much more recent and meaningful.

Her memory shifted to the day when the Pegasi of Cloudsdale were given back their wings, and the last time she had seen Vanish. She didn’t care about the negative opinions that other ponies had regarding him; Vanish had asked Derpy for her assistance and even for her to trust him, in order for her to be used as a means of displaying the proper stance a Pegasus pony must take in order for him to properly ‘place’ their wings back on them. Derpy had often found other ponies question how much they trusted her with tasks, but had never been asked to trust somepony else.

It was something that she questioned momentarily, but there was no secret to be had in her reasons: She trusted everypony. Applejack to Fluttershy, Granny Smith to Rose, Twilight Sparkle to Zecora, Derpy never had a lack of trust in anypony. If she ever needed help with anything, she would ask the first pony she saw. Being asked to trust somepony was a totally surreal experience for the young mare. Looking down at her reflection in the water, she was reminded of something else about the mercenary stallion: He never treated her any different from how he treated anypony else. Stopping her lapping of the fountain water, she found herself beginning to question the reason why he treated her so normally.

Despite being alone for a while now, Derpy suddenly felt truly alone. She had been judged by her appearance for a long time, even before Twilight Sparkle came to Ponyville. Her number of friends was great, but her number of really close friends was quite minor, which truly felt depressing when she saw other ponies talk to their own close friends out in the streets or market of Ponyville. Ponies who looked past Derpy’s appearance seldom could get past her second natural flaw: Her somewhat clumsy nature. She could swear that there was a cycle to it: somepony asked for her help, she tried to provide it, she would flub something up while attempting to provide help, and they would never ask for her help again, though she would offer it, naturally.

It hurt to remind herself of such things, but it was who she was. She knew from the bottom of her heart that she always tried her best not to mess things up, but she was just prone to causing accidents; from losing various objects, to messing up her weather-clearing duties, even going so far as to cause structural damage to City Hall. But what truly made her feel especially shocked, was when a note had been left with her upon waking up in Cloudsdale, asking her to remain there until further notice, and then when Vanish asked for her help in Cloudsdale, in front of all the other Pegasi.

She recalled the feeling of brief shame that she felt when she broke the bottom of a chariot while trying to sit in front of Vanish. Before they had left Cloudsdale after returning the wings to the Pegasi, Rainbow Dash had informed her that the lone chariot she had broke had a somewhat rusted bottom to it, but at that point in time, it didn’t matter to her. She heard some of the Pegasi chuckle at the gesture, but she didn’t mean to cause any damage, let alone damaging something that belonged to Princess Celestia of Equestria. At that point, an all-too-familiar feeling of loneliness suddenly flowed through her. She felt tears well up and fall from her eyes, hearing them hit the water in the fountain as she remembered feeling like she had messed up her big chance to really impress the Pegasi of Cloudsdale.

All she could do at that point was apologize for what she did. She was used to apologizing; it was probably some of the most common words she spoke, and always with sincerity: “I’m sorry”, “Excuse me”, or “My bad” among several other words or phrases. But after she apologized, she was surprised at the words she heard being spoken to her: “It’s alright, my dear…” Instant forgiveness: Something she had never been given before. She couldn’t begin to count the groans of annoyed acceptance, chuckles of innocent laughter, exhausted sighs, or the number of times when somepony shouted her name, angrily blaming the young mare for the accident she had caused. Being forgiven not only quickly, but in such a kind manner, had stuck with her.

She found herself smiling at the kind memory of the stallion that didn’t take her at face value, or even after an accidental case of simply ‘being clumsy’. Hearing the bell tower, she gasped as she realized that she still had a job to do, shouting to herself in the process. “Oh no!” As she quickly wiped her muzzle of the water that dripped from it, she heard something nearby. “What’s that sound? It sounds like dripping…” Derpy looked to up to the sky. “Is it raining? Well, no, that can’t be it. Wait, is that somepony else drinking?” Turning back towards the fountain, she saw that she had been joined by a familiar mare who stood almost directly opposite of her in terms of where they chose to drink from the fountain.

“Oh! Rainbow Dash!” The fastest flyer in Cloudsdale had returned, and rather than greet her directly, chose to let Derpy drink from the fountain by taking a few laps, herself, before wiping her mouth with her foreleg and beginning to speak to the gray-coated mare. “Hey, Derpy! We saw you drink from this fountain for a while. Hope you don’t mind if we help ourselves, too!” Derpy didn’t even see the second pony; in fact, she still couldn’t. They were standing directly opposite of her, with the fountain’s central pipe obscuring her vision of them. Rainbow could see Derpy trying to get a view, and promptly stepped back slightly, chuckling at the reaction she was expecting from her friend.

As the blonde Pegasus pony walked around the fountain, the pony slowly came into view. The pony was her size, had a dark, dark blue coat, a smoke gray mane and tail, and a single double-saddlebag. She only had to move a little bit closer to see what he had on his head: A familiar brown fedora, which prompted her to shout with delight. “VANISH! YOU’RE BACK!!!” The stallion stopped drinking, looking at Derpy with joy-filled eyes. Moving away from the fountain, Derpy galloped up to the stallion, as Vanish used his hoof to remove his fedora, bowing regally before the humbled mare. “It is an honor to see you again, Miss Derpy Hooves!”

It had been only a few days since she had last seen him, but it seemed like a very, very long time. Derpy had read in the local newspaper that Vanish was serving a ‘prison sentence’, and after locating Twilight to explain what it was, as prisons and crimes were very uncommon in Equestria, she had thought that the stallion would only ever be able to speak to her from inside a cold, dark room in Canterlot. She was delighted to see him again so soon. Anticipating her question, Vanish refrained from answering early, allowing the mare the honor of speaking her mind, as she tilted her head curiously.

“Why are you here? Did you break out of prison?” Rainbow Dash found herself laughing uncontrollably, but Vanish simply smiled in response to the rather positively-toned, negatively-minded question before he properly responded. “Not at all, my dear. I’m here to provide my services to the community, under orders by Princess Celestia, herself.” Rainbow Dash regained her composure before speaking. “Princess Celestia wants me to keep an eye on Vanish, to make sure he’s not doing anything bad while in the area. I figured, ‘He hasn’t seen Derpy in a while, so I could always bring him to see her!’.”

Derpy had tears of joy in her eyes as she launched herself at the stallion, hugging him cheerfully as he placed his hat back on his head before his horns could possibly hurt the young, energetic mare, as he commented on her enthusiastic nature. “Ah ha ha. You look well, Miss Hooves! I am quite glad to see you in such high spirits.” Vanish returned the hug, wrapping his forelegs and hooves around the ecstatic mare’s neck and mane. Rainbow enjoyed seeing the smile on Derpy’s face truly return. She hadn’t seemed like herself since she was sent to Ponyville Hospital; ironically enough, it was because of the very stallion she was delighted to see, that she was sent there to begin with, but Rainbow did not want to bring up old wounds when she was content with seeing Derpy smiling again, fluttering her wings in joyful bliss.

Looking up to the sky, Rainbow quickly reminded herself of the yet-unfinished job she had to do, and alerted the blonde Pegasus pony. “Derpy, I’m gonna quickly place the rest of the storm clouds around here. Do you think you can take Vanish to see Twilight?” The gray mare’s eyes widened, as she hovered towards Rainbow Dash, saluting her friend with her hoof. “You can count on me, Rainbow! Come on, Vanish!” Rocketing off, Derpy sailed over a few of the Ponyville houses, as Vanish and Rainbow looked at each other for a moment, not moving an inch, before Derpy returned upon having realized that that the stallion couldn’t actually follow her through the air. “Oh! Umm, w-we’ll just walk!”

With a gentle smile, Vanish noted the weather above the three ponies. “The storm has a while before it arrives, my dear. Let’s just take our time, lest we ignore the efforts of the Pegasi’s hard work.” Derpy turned her head to the side, looking away as she blushed at the sentiment, before Rainbow decided to increase the glow on her friend's cheeks with a little ‘revelation’: “Actually Vanish, Derpy pretty much did all of it herself, considering I was fetching you and all. Anyways, I’ll take care of the rest and meet you guys at the library.” Derpy’s wayward eyes widened with surprise as the rainbow-maned mare bolted into the sky, heading to a patch of clouds that had gone unattended to.

“Oh, really?” Much as Rainbow suspected, Derpy blushed even more now that Vanish knew that the reason for the weather was due to the gray Pegasus pony’s lone efforts. Removing his fedora once more, the gray-maned stallion gave Derpy a gentle bow in her direction before expressing his appreciation. “Well then, it would be rude of me not to thank you for the weather of today, as it is certainly due to your own hard work and dedication. You have my esteemed gratitude, Miss Hooves.” Something about Vanish’s prim and proper demeanor made her blush, but she tried returning the gesture anyway, almost tumbling over from the awkward motion of attempting a proper bow, before the stallion caught her with his hooves. “Oh! Careful, my dear!”

Derpy regained her balance, as Vanish retracted his hooves upon the mare expressing her gratitude. “Thank you, Vanish!” The stallion raised his hoof in dismissal of the apology. “Oh, it’s never a problem, though you are quite welcome. Shall we head to the library?” With a nod of her head, Derpy lead the way, feeling a sense of déjà vu with regards to how this encounter was proceeding. Despite the familiarity, Derpy felt no lack of trust for the stallion that she was leading to Twilight Sparkle’s home. Vanish kept a smile of contentment on his face, as Derpy considered how else she could help the stallion. “Maybe Vanish will feel more comfortable if I showed him around Ponyville a bit!

A placement of a hoof on the base of her neck caused her to stop momentarily, as she heard Vanish utter something just barely loud enough for her to hear. “Umm… Miss Hooves, there is something that has been troubling me over the past few days. I-It concerns you, so I wish to ask about it before we reach Ponyville Library. May I be permitted to inquire?” Derpy turned around, noting how the library was within eyeshot, but still quite a ways away. Nodding, Vanish proceeded with his question.

“Since the day I betrayed you, you've done everything I've asked of you. You gave the message to Rainbow Dash, which stirred up a whirlwind of events, culminating in a battle over the fate of Equestria, and yet, when I see you, it’s always the same…” Derpy thought she knew what the stallion was getting at, and cut him off. “Oh! If it’s about my eyes, I…” Vanish jumped as he realized how his words were being misinterpreted, stammering to fix his wording. “M-My apologies, my dear! Th-This doesn’t concern anything physical in appearance at all!” Derpy thought it was about her eyes, but stopped once she saw Vanish bow in an apologetic state; no matter how often she saw him do so, it was still somewhat amusing to see the stallion being so humble.

Vanish continued, making sure to correct himself. “Forgive me for causing such a misunderstanding of my intentions! It’s, well, about how since that day, you’re the only pony who did not treat me like I was their enemy at any point in time.” Derpy stood still, listening to everything the stallion had to say, as the storm clouds had begun to cause rain to fall. “I must ask: Why do you insist on judging me as a pony of positive intentions?” The Pegasus pony tilted her head, confused about the nature of the question she had been asked as she tried to clarify his question. “Are you asking me why I trusted you through everything you did?” Vanish nodded gently, as if expecting some sort of repercussion for asking that question.

Derpy placed her hoof on Vanish’s shoulder, prompting the stallion to raise himself from his proper bow in response, as the rain continued to soak the two ponies as the mare gave her answer. “Vanish, I always trusted you!” The stallion couldn’t accept the simple answer, as thunder and lightning shot through the sky above the two ponies to accompany his confusion. “Everypony had doubted me! H-How could you not do the same?” Derpy walked right up to Vanish, face-to-face with the confused stallion that seemed to be desperate for the answer he sought, still looking through her eyes as her mane had become wilted to one side of her body from the rainwater. “Vanish, ever since I first saw you, I knew you were a good-hearted pony. It doesn’t matter what you thought, and it doesn’t matter what everypony else thought.” Derpy turned around as she continued to walk in the direction of the library, waving at Twilight Sparkle, who had just walked out of her library’s entrance for a moment in order to wave the two ponies into her home so that they may take shelter from the storm.

“Vanish, I was right all along!” Derpy trotted forward, happy as ever in her belief, leaving the stallion in indistinguishable tears with her response, as he took off the fedora and looked at it while muttering to himself. “H… Heh heh, I suppose, you really were…” Derpy turned her head, smiling blissfully at the statement she had made. “I’m a good judge of character, Vanish, and you’re a good pony, regardless of what you’ve done or why you think you aren’t. No matter what happens…” The stallion galloped towards her to keep hearing what the smiling Pegasus pony had to say, as she galloped towards the library that stood in the now-enclosed distance, in order to get out of the storm’s wrath.

“Nothing will change my opinion that you’re a good pony, Vanish! Nothing!”


Having made it inside, Derpy took the time to squeeze the rainwater out from her mane, before seeing that there was another pony that was inside the library. Considering how empty it had been the last few times she came by, it was pretty easy to notice somepony else in the lobby; there was Twilight Sparkle and Spike, naturally, but Rarity had also been standing in the lobby, prompting the gray mare to widen her eyes in surprise before moving back towards the door. “Oh! I didn’t realize you had a guest! W-We’ll just leave.” Derpy turned around prepared to leave, until Vanish stood in front of her, addressing Derpy and Twilight respectively. “Now, now, there is no need for our dismissal unless they ask. Twilight, may we stay here until the sky clears up?”

Twilight smiled as she responded to the request. “Of course! I’d never kick my friends out during a storm!” Rarity cut in, seeing the look of sudden concern on Vanish’s face. “Worry not, dear; Twilight has a magical lightning rod protecting this place.” Vanish looked around, slightly worried, but decided to speak his mind. “Have you… stayed the night during a storm before?” Rarity laughed, waving her hoof in dismissal. “Of course, darling! I stayed with Applejack a couple of years ago. It was a rather, erm…” Her hesitance caused the stallion to raise his eyebrow curiously, resulting in a deadpan expression on the stylish unicorn mare's face. “… Just clean your hooves and get inside.”

Vanish delivered a coy smile as he accepted the invitation. “Alright, alright, but if you'd be so kind, I request your assistance in helping Miss Hooves with her mane, my dear…” Trying to clean her own mane, Derpy attempted to wave it through the air, resulting in it wrapping around her head and eyes, blinding her view of everything else. Rarity gasped at the gesture, “Oh, dear! Darling, just hold still. I have a brush, right here.” Derpy stopped moving her hooves and slowly sat in place, allowing Rarity to work her magic by using the nearby brush to untangle the Pegasus pony’s mane.

During this time, Spike came downstairs with a couple of towels as he had been expecting ponies to be at the door, but stopped once he saw exactly who the guests were. He saw Rarity styling the mane of Derpy Hooves, seeming to care less about fixing it up and more about working her own unique sense of flair on the lovely blonde mane, but Spike’s attention wasn’t being paid to them. Twilight grabbed a towel with her magic, interrupting Rarity’s styling in order to dry off Derpy as quickly as she could; she could feel tension in the air building, and knew the reason why it existed in the first place.

Vanish stood on the doormat with Derpy, the latter of whom was quickly moved once she was dried off, in order for Rarity to continue her brushwork. Vanish and Spike stared at each other for a moment, before Spike closed his eyes and tossed the towels on the library lobby's wooden floor. Vanish also shut his own eyes as he stood on his hind legs, using his front hooves to remove the fedora from his head, before placing it on a hook of the coat stand that already had a cloak placed upon it. Twilight and Rarity stopped what they were doing, expecting the worst out of a confrontation between the baby dragon and the stallion.

Derpy pulled the brush out of her mane, looking at the two mares before directing her attention to what they were watching. The stallion raised his hoof, as if expecting something. “Spike, may I have a towel?” Spike picked up one of the towels from the ground, dry and unused, before looking back at Vanish, hesitant in giving the stallion what he wanted. “Spike…” Vanish bowed down to the baby dragon, kneeling his rear legs down as well as his front hoof, keeping one of his front hooves up in the air, bowing as regally as he could not in a position of respect, but in a submissive stance of esteemed apology. “Nngh, S-Spike, may I please be given a towel?”

Twilight could hear the pain that Vanish was putting himself in, given the cramped space of the front door of the library. Every mare in the lobby knew that they should say something, but this was for far more than a simple towel; it was Vanish asking for Spike’s acceptance of his apology for all that Spike had been put through because of the stallion, from being submitted into Ponyville Hospital after being attacked at the train station, to abusing his position as one who wrote letters to, from, and for the Princess of the Sun, in order to essentially produce an ‘official confession’ that was little more than a scroll of lies.

“… Very well.” Vanish stood back up, grabbing the still-wet fedora with his magic as he bowed to the other ponies in the room, as well as to Spike, before placing it on his own head again. “I am sorry for wasting your time. I shall remain outside as I await Rainbow Dash’s arrival. Good day, Spike. Good day, everypony.” Vanish turned around, opening the door with his own magic, taking a moment to listen to the rain before taking his first step back outside. He couldn’t let himself stay in good faith: If Spike wouldn’t welcome him as a guest, then he wouldn’t stay inside and allow a lack of comfort to simply simmer in the air, at risk of engulfing the other ponies in the library.

“Vanish?” Spike finally spoke up, disappointment resonating in his tone. “Seriously, I thought you had better manners than that!” Spike walked up to Vanish, who remained facing outside, but didn’t move an inch. Spike went next to the stallion, taking off his low-hanging double-saddlebag. “Coats, hats, and bags get removed when you come into Twilight's Library. It’s pointless to dry off if you have this on.”

Spike couldn’t see Vanish’s face, but the stallion lowered his head slightly, smiling with relief at the gesture. “Ah, then you have my apologies. I suppose I have a thing or two to learn with regards to proper manners.” Vanish turned around, having a towel thrown into his face and reflexively grabbing it with his hoof. Spike tossed the saddlebag onto the coat stand so that rain could dry off of it, before taking a towel from Twilight that had been used to clean Derpy in order to move it away, as he remained speaking to the stallion in the doorway. “Come on in, Vanish. Dry yourself off, first.”

Vanish used the towel on his face to conceal his smile, as he used his hoof to remove his fedora once more, placing it back on the coat rack before responding to the baby dragon. “You have my gratitude.” Vanish sat down, proceeding to dry his face off with the towel he had been given by rubbing it in with his front hooves. He could hear magic being utilized as he felt something else being used to dry off his mane, as well as his back. Removing the first towel from his head, he saw that Twilight had used a second towel that Spike had placed on the ground in order to dry off the stallion. Vanish was more than capable of doing so himself, but appreciated the gesture too much to request that Twilight back off.

Ceasing the act of using her magic, Twilight finally felt comfortable enough to speak up, with the tension in the air having been alleviated. “So, what are you two doing in Ponyville?” Derpy had finished being dried and brushed by Rarity, so she answered first. “I was just in the area placing storm clouds! Rainbow Dash brought Vanish to the water fountain to see me!” The stallion quickly affirmed the Pegasus pony's reasoning, as he proceeded to finish cleaning his body, and was as beginning to dry off his rather short, smoke gray mane and tail with the second towel. "Indeed. Rainbow Dash is responsible for making sure I don’t do anything ‘negative’ while performing community service. Of course, you already knew that, didn’t you Twilight Sparkle?”

Twilight Sparkle blushed slightly, but Vanish was far from amused as his tone dictated, though he was busily using his magic and hooves to clean his tail and torso, voicing his gripes as he dried himself. “I had a very simple plan in progress: I sign the form and the ponies get their peace of mind by having the ‘criminal’ put away. How do you think they feel, knowing I’m free to loiter around Ponyville!?” Rarity and Derpy were slightly taken aback from the comment, but Twilight knew more than Vanish thought she knew, grinning as she answered his question. “Why don’t you tell me? From what Princess Celestia has been sending, you’re quite ‘popular’ lately.”

Vanish walked forward, having finished drying himself off, surprised that Twilight knew the truth behind how his life had been going. “Hmph. I suppose I should have expected you to know.” Vanish sat at the large table in the library, where the mares chose to join him. “When I’m not providing services to the community, it feels like all I do is sleep in my cell, speak to visiting ponies, or write letters.” Twilight was curious about the last statement, though Spike brought drinks over to the ponies, which prompted the ponies to stop their conversation in order to thank the baby dragon for his hard work.

“Thanks Spike!” “Thank you!” “Ah, I was getting thirsty. Thank you, darling.” “Erm, Spike? If I may ask…” Spike turned around upon being addressed by the stallion. “Could you possibly grab two or three more towels? Rainbow Dash should be here any moment, and will likely be drenched with rainwater.” Smiling, the baby dragon waved his claw in acknowledgement. “Sure! I’ll be right back!” As Spike left, Twilight asked her question. “I’m sorry, but you mentioned something about ‘letters’?” Vanish turned in her direction, choosing to sit at the end of the makeshift row of ponies so that the mares wouldn’t have to keep turning their heads to pay attention to him, nor would he to them.

“Indeed. Upon Shining Armor’s dismissal, and me completing my fir-!“ A shot of water that spat out from Twilight’s mouth prompted Vanish to cut his sentence short. “D-DISMISSAL!? Wait, Vanish, back up a second; what happened to my brother? The Princess never mentioned anything about him being DISMISSED FROM HIS DUTIES AS CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!” Vanish stammered before Twilight could get the wrong idea. “Oh! I-It was by his request, for a temporary leave of absence! He wanted to go to the Canterlot Infirmary while his wife was recovering from what transpired at the Wedding Hall!”

Twilight sat back down; thinking that her brother was fired from his job was certainly a shock to her system. Vanish was quick to apologize. “S-Sorry, my dear, I should have worded that better.” Vanish sat back down upon receiving a wave of Twilight’s hoof to acknowledge that she was ready to listen again. “As I was saying, upon me finishing my first day of community service, I returned to my cell, seeing a rather impressive pile of letters from other ponies. I must say, I did not expect my incarceration to be so ‘hospitable’.” Twilight used her magic to raise her glass as she tapped it on Vanish’s own glass of water. “Welcome to Ponyville: We’re pleasant like that.” Vanish drank a bit before turning his attention back to the mares. “I was expecting letters of bitter anger or threats, not… ‘thanks’.”

Rarity had become curious by the vague nature of the previous statement, choosing to speak her curiosity. “’Thanks’? That’s rather vague. Whatever were they thanking you for?” Vanish continued, elaborating at the mare's request. “They seemed to be thanking me for giving them the chance to meet new ponies from the nearby area. It seems as though Cloudsdale Pegasi seldom spoke to the ponies of Ponyville.” Derpy thought it over. “I have seen a few of my friends from Cloudsdale coming to Ponyville recently; I never thought that was strange, though.” Vanish nodded, and continued. “It seems as though with their wings gone, they could not do their jobs, nor did some of them feel safe being so high in the air without the security of wings, so they came here, where they then talked with other ponies from this town.”

Twilight mulled over Vanish’s words, giggling to herself in the process. “It’s strange: You wanted to give them somepony to blame, and they wanted somepony to ‘thank’. I think they know that you didn't mean to harm them, so they looked at the good it brought.” Vanish swirled his glass of water, as a knock was heard at the door. “I suppose that is the only logical conclusion behind such positive reactions.” Spike came downstairs with a couple more towels, as Twilight opened the door from where she was through the use of her magic, and Rarity stood up and grabbed her brush to clean it quickly, getting ready to use it on their newest guest.

Lo and behold, Rainbow Dash had arrived, completely drenched in rainwater. “Hey, guys! Has Vanish been good?” The mares giggled at the question, which made the stallion sound more like some sort of pet. Spike also found humor in the tone that the question had been asked in, chuckling as he handed Rarity a towel to help dry Rainbow Dash with as the fashionista didn't miss a beat in continuing the joke. “Oh, he’s been an absolute delight, Rainbow! You simply must bring him around more often!” Vanish could see past their jokes, to the humor, and found himself chuckling at the statements as well, as Twilight asked another question. “So, what sort of things does Princess Celestia have you do, for community service?”

Vanish turned in Twilight’s direction as he responded. “I mainly help out around Canterlot with… well…” Rainbow Dash cut in while being dried. “He’s being forced by Princess Celestia to fix the damages to the Wedding Hall, as well as replanting the dirt and grass from the attack he did to Spitfire, and that's just the start!” Vanish chuckled slightly to himself. “It’s the least I can do, seeing as how the Baltimare Police Department confiscated Gather’s ‘payment’ to me, as evidence of his crimes in Baltimare. I could give nothing back to Canterlot in terms of ‘finance’, so I can at least commit to the tasks I have been asked to perform by the Princess."

Rainbow Dash felt the need to continue explaining things. “He gets plenty of materials and time to work, but ponies still seem to follow him to the hall, while I keep them out with the help of some guards. It’s pretty dull, though, since the guards are so…” “’Proper’?” Vanish couldn’t help but interrupt the mare, drinking from his cup of water upon doing so, as Twilight giggled before speaking her mind. “Different day, same impatient Rainbow Dash.” Twilight’s quip caused Vanish to laugh in response. “Ah ha ha. I should try coming here more often… Well, enough banter, I suppose.”

Vanish stood up, grabbing a second towel from Spike and helping clean Rainbow Dash’s mane. “I was actually hoping to perform a certain “act” while I was in this Library, if that is acceptable? A rather simple request: To have a ‘Lesson of Friendship’ penned out to the Princess; I don’t quite have the ability to hand her my messages, given my act of attacking her at the Wedding Hall.” Vanish picked up the used towels that lay on the floor of the Library, folding them up with his hooves and using his magic to carry them, as Rainbow took a seat at the table while Vanish continued. “This is my only chance to send a message to her directly.”

“I’ll take those!” Spike held out his arms, as Vanish placed the towels on them carefully, making sure not to cause the baby dragon to topple over. “You have my esteemed thanks, Spike.” Spike could be heard struggling, and Vanish rose his foreleg in order to point at the stack of towels as he spoke. “Are you sure you would not care for some assistance?” “N- No thanks! I… I got i-WHOA!” Losing his balance from a towel that had remained on the floor, Spike fell over, causing the towels to be thrown up and into the air, all landing on him in a pile. Vanish once again grabbed them with his magic. “Spike, it’s of no consequence to ask for help!” Spike stood up, shaking the moisture off his scales before grabbing the towels again.

“I’m fine! Really! I’ll be right back! Thanks for picking them up, though.” Vanish bowed gently. “It is never a problem, Spike.” The baby dragon hobbled to the side room with the towels, as Twilight could hear them being placed on the floor, so they could be dried properly when the rain stopped. Spike ran by and went up the stairs, eagerly searching for a scroll, quill, and ink well. While ascending the stairs, Rainbow Dash took a seat and spoke. “So, Vanish, what’s it like, being in jail?” Rainbow Dash hadn’t been around for the previous questions, so it was only natural that she would be curious.

“We were just discussing that, though I suppose I didn’t divulge much information. In my cell, I mostly write letters to the ponies who have taken the time to write to me, as well as speaking to visitors who care to visit me directly.” Vanish went back to his seat, taking a drink from his glass of water before sitting down. “Mm… I have also taken to writing a ‘journal’ of sorts. Not of contracts, of course, that would be rather deplorable of me, especially given how those who have hired me in the past have been guaranteed my cooperation in not divulging their names. Rather, it will be of my various encounters with certain ponies or certain crimes I have committed, using different standards for my examples, of course; it would make for interesting stories, if little else.”

Twilight felt the need to chime in. “Do you think I could display it in my library? I would love to read it!” Vanish continued drinking, but delivered a coy smirk in response to the curiosity that Twilight was openly displaying. “Libraries are for public access to books, my dear, not private access.” Twilight frowned at the selfish claim that Vanish was making, scoffing before responding to the stallion's statement. “I know that, and everypony can be sure to read it!” Twilight swirled her glass, delivering a wink to the stallion. “… Once I’m done with it.”

“Twilight, you’re such an egghead.” Rainbow Dash’s remark created a stir of laughter from the ponies at the table, as they saw Spike return from the stairwell with writing materials. “She’s not an egghead, she’s just well-read… or at least that’s what she says.” Twilight smirked. “Exactly, Spi-HEY!” The quip produced further laughter from the ponies, as Vanish noticed that Spike had a quill within an ink well with him, and a scroll in his other clawed hand, complimenting the diligence of the baby dragon in his duties, in the process. “Ah, excellent. Thank you, Spike.”

As Spike unfurled the scroll, Vanish turned his attention to the rainbow-maned mare that had sat next to him. "Before I state my letter, Rainbow, I must ask… how is Scootaloo? I have not heard from her, and have not seen her since the fight against Gather at the Wedding Hall. I never truly thanked her, and I must confess... that fact has provided me with a significant amount of guilt as of late.”

“She’s fine, Vanish.” Rainbow looked at the stallion’s glass of water longingly, prompting Spike to get the hint and fetch a glass for the thirsty Pegasus. “Honestly, the whole ‘pawn’ thing really bothered her at the train, but I talked with her about it recently.” Vanish turned his head, his curiosity having been piqued at the statement the mare had made. “Was the conversation you had on the train on our way to Canterlot that recent?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head and smiled. “No, it wasn’t then, it was after that; when I got back from babysitting you in Canterlot for the first time.” Vanish frowned at the crude terminology that the mare had used for her trusted ‘guard duty’. “Hmph. Putting the term you chose to use in order to describe watching me aside, what exactly did you tell her?” Rainbow grabbed the glass of water Spike had brought to her, and drank a bit of it before speaking. “… That being used for something isn’t as important as what you’re used for.”

Vanish leaned back slightly as he stared at the mare with the rainbow mane, surprised at the blunt manner in which she had spoken her mind. “Forgive me for not believing such crude words to be much better than what I had said, myself!” Rainbow turned to look into Vanish’s eyes, putting the glass down as she turned to the stallion. “Look, Scootaloo realized something while she was stuck in the Castle Hall until the Wonderbolts came by and asked her to come to the Wedding Hall: Just because she was used for your purpose, doesn’t mean anything if good things come out of it."

Vanish drank a bit more of his water as he closed his eyes in thought. “I see… does she really believe that?” Rainbow Dash tapped her hoof on the table, prompting Vanish to open his eyes. “I’ve taken her under my wing. If she has a problem, I’ll handle it, but I couldn’t thank her enough for what she did for us back at the Wedding Hall against Gather. If it wasn’t for her risking her life, we never would have been able to use the Elements of Harmony a second time. You used my wings for some pretty messed up things,” Vanish cringed at the rather crude nature of her statement as she continued, "but regardless of that, things still turned out for the better, right?”

“Mostly for the better, I suppose. I guess I never really thought about how something is used, as opposed to the very fact of using it, regardless of that which I would use to complete my objectives.” Vanish blushed at the simplicity of his oversight as he continued. “… I hope I can tell her sometime, how important she truly was in the plans of saving Equestria.” As the stallion frowned into his glass of water, Rainbow started smiling. “I’ll tell her, but you owe me, alright?” Vanish opened his eyes to see the smile on Rainbow Dash’s face. “You have my most sincere gratitude, and I believe that I may be able to pay you back sooner than you’d think… Ah, Spike, shall we begin?” Seeing the baby dragon nod, holding a scroll and inked quill in his claws, Vanish began. ” Very well: ‘To the attention of Princess Celestia of Equestri-'”

“Vanish?” Twilight cut the stallion off before he could gain momentum with his ‘speech’. “If you make this overly formal, Spike will be here all day asking how to spell certain words, or asking you to use simpler terms. Why not just… keep to the essential parts of your ‘lesson’?” Vanish frowned for a moment and sighed before nodding his head. “I suppose if I must, then it is hardly worth cause for debate. Spike, are you ready?” Spike nodded his head, grateful that Twilight had considered Spike’s limited written vocabulary in comparison to Vanish’s extensive verbal vocabulary. “Ready!”

Dear Princess Celestia:

Until recently, I believed that anything that was not written on a contract could not be worth trusting. However, not everything works that way. Through my time in Ponyville, I have met several ponies that I am honored to consider my friends, for they consider me their own friend in return. This is not out of contracts or blind faith, but out of trust.

Vanish stopped for a moment, considering his words slowly, as he felt a hoof on his shoulder. Turning his attention to the pony behind him, he was surprised to see Derpy smiling cheerfully at the stallion for the lesson he had learned. Smiling in return, he motioned for Derpy to sit next to him, which she did with great eagerness, as Vanish continued to have his thoughts penned down by the baby dragon in front of him.

Some things cannot be described by mere words, but by what one ‘feels’. These moments of trust are far more important than any written contract or verbal promise. This trust in your friends, and the trust your friends share in you, is that which should never be broken, for it means more than anything I have come to know of. Above all else, never lose the trust you share with your friends.

Sincerely: Vanish.

Pleased with how the lesson sounded, Vanish was more than happy to produce another prim and proper bow to the baby dragon who had written the ‘Lesson of Friendship’. “Spike? Would you be so kind as to use your ‘power’ to send the letter to the Princess?” Spike didn’t even need to be asked; he was glad to send a letter about a Lesson of Friendship learned by Vanish, despite what the stallion had done to him. It was all in the past, and Spike knew that, even if Vanish had not fully forgiven himself. With a burst of green flame, the letter was sent, as Vanish witnessed the scroll turning into a puff of smoke and sailing outside with the wind.

“So, about paying me back…” Rainbow Dash’s words snapped Vanish out of his entranced state, as he turned to the cerise-eyed, curious mare, who continued speaking her mind. “How about we all go and see the Wonderbolts tomorrow? They’re gonna be in Canterlot, performing for the first time since yo-…” Rainbow could feel that she was treading on thin ice, and promptly silenced herself, before Vanish patted her on the back. “Now, now, my dear, it’s quite alright. I’ve accepted what I’ve done, and long since forgiven myself, since they had come by last night to speak to me while I was in my cell.”

“WHAAAT!? You got to speak to the Wonderbolts!? That’s so unfair!” Rainbow crossed her forelegs, sulking at the fortune the stallion had in being able to speak to the Wonderbolts personally. Vanish smirked, knowing he could get a rise out of the mare with her devotion to the daredevil Pegasi, and even more of a rise with some more information he had known. “Indeed. For their return appearance after a ‘brief hiatus’, they were searching for a ‘seventh wing’: a ‘Temporary Honorary Wonderbolt’.” The very mentioning of those words caused Rainbow Dash’s ears to perk up, snapping her out of her moody state as pointed her eyes to the stallion. “Th-They are!?” Vanish nodded, smirking at the enthusiasm that the mare had begun to display. “Indeed, and they asked me if I knew of anypony qualified to ‘fill the void’, so to speak, since I was under the ownership of the wings of every Pegasus in Cloudsdale, for a time.”

Vanish calmly drank his recently refilled glass of water as Rainbow Dash knocked the glasses of both Rarity and Twilight’s drinks over with the gusts of her rapidly flapping wings alone, as she hovered in front of Vanish eagerly. “A-And? What did you say? WHAT DID YOU SAY!?” Vanish raised his hoof dramatically to stop Rainbow Dash from talking, slowly taking a drink of water as the other mares giggled at how riled up he was making their friend. “I told them that they could count on me to provide a seventh ‘wing’ for their routine.” Vanish used his magic to lift the table up smoothly, as he stood up from his seat and walked underneath it, prompting Rainbow Dash to hover over him, expecting more to be said.

“As for the owner of those wings, how about a little wager?”

Rainbow Dash fluttered back a little, before charging forward, pushing her nose up against the nose of the stallion who dared to challenge her. “Oh, you’re SO on! Race around Ponyville? Flight in Cloudsdale? Speeding through the Princess’s Hedge Maze? We can do this, right now!” Vanish slid his hoof on the ground and smirked mischievously, before using his magic to move the mares back slightly from where they sat in order to place the table back on the floor. Once the deed was done, Vanish used his magic once more as he opened a latch on his saddlebag on the coat rack of the library, taking out a single ticket that was dark blue, yellow, and purple in color, before placing it on the table with his magic.

“Here’s my proposition: You bet your wings, I’ll bet my ‘All Access’ pass I got from Soarin’; we’ll both be going to the performance, but only ONE of us can participate in it. You and me, one-on-one with no magic and no wings: Whoever can pin the other one on their back three times, gets to fly.” Vanish delivered a clever smirk to the light-cerulean mare, as he realized how he could provoke her. “I’d make this a ‘fight’, but I do not wish to go to my performance, wrapped in bandages.” Rainbow Dash was seeing red. This was her chance to perform with the Wonderbolts, and the only things stopping her was a fight with the cocky stallion in front of her.

YOUR performance!? Grrrrr… You’re on! ONE-TWOTHREEGO!!!” Rainbow flew through the air in an attempt to quickly rush at Vanish, who cloaked reflexively, causing the mare to stop and hover in the air. “WHAT THE HAY!? YOU SAID ‘NO MAGIC’!” Vanish uncloaked directly to her left. “I also said ‘No Wings’, my dear. Don’t force me to remove them from you in order to keep you honest!” Rainbow hovered backwards slightly before landing on the ground and reluctantly closing her wings, yet having great difficulty in keeping them closed, seeing as how Pegasi were often prone to using their wings in competitions of all sorts in order to provide an increase in agility.

“You’re out of your environment, Rainbow! I’ll pin you, ye-AGH!” Rainbow charged at Vanish, who threw her off of him with his forelegs, keeping his rear hooves on the Library floor. Rainbow immediately regained her balance, seeing Vanish struggling to find his own, and went after him. Vanish buck-kicked his rear hooves into Rainbow Dash, who barely dodged by going under them in order to catch his hooves, flipping the stallion over and pinning him to the ground. “HAH! Got anything smart to say, now?”

Vanish frowned, staring down his nose at the mare that stood above him, triumphant in her early victory. “Hmph. That was certainly clever… that’s one for you, Rainbow, nice work.” Rainbow Dash hopped off of the stallion, who stood back up and moved a slight distance away. “I suppose you’ve learned some of my tricks since our first encounter… GO!” Vanish ran forward, but quickly trotted backwards, seeing Rainbow Dash stumble as she tried to alter her speed and stance in order to match Vanish’s movements. Vanish turned his head quickly to see where the door was, taking note of the distance before turning his attention back to the mare. Like he predicted, Rainbow thought he was distracted.

Vanish quickly lunged at Rainbow Dash, who didn’t think to throw Vanish off as she toppled over and landed on her back heavily, her wings accidentally being brandished as she was pinned. “OOF!” Vanish smirked at his prey. “You haven’t learned ALL of my tricks, my dear! That’s one for you, and one for me.” Rainbow attempted to kick the stallion off of her, but he grabbed her rear hooves with his own front hooves, scowling as he tried to talk sense into her. “Hey! Don’t get sour on me, Rainbow Dash! This is a FAIR competition, and I expect you to treat it as only that: A friendly competition.”

Rainbow Dash was a bit surprised at how serious Vanish was being, but allowed the stallion to help her up, after hopping off of her. Her friends were mostly silent by the side of the room, not wanting to interrupt the display of honor that the two dueling ponies were portraying, but feeling compelled to cheer them on before they began the next figurative 'round'. Twilight spoke up. “YOU CAN DO IT, RAINBOW!” Derpy also felt unusually motivated by the fight that was going on in front of her, knowing it was not out of ill intentions. “COME ON, VANISH!”

Rainbow knew that it was nothing personal. If either pony was in danger, their friends would jump in and stop it. It was just a friendly competition, with incredibly high stakes, at least as far as Rainbow Dash was concerned. It was time for a trick of her own: She began running around and circling Vanish, who tried to keep his stance low to the ground, yet was also awaiting the moment when the mare would let down her guard. He thought he saw her trip, and rushed in to seize his chance, but Rainbow had faked it to lure the stallion into a false sense of security. Jumping back and getting ready to charge, Rainbow could see Vanish trying to adjust himself, but didn’t want to give him the chance to recuperate as she promptly dashed towards him in an act of smashing into the side of the stallion's flank.

Vanish spun around slightly, but made sure he could keep his stance low the ground, almost completely lying on his stomachwith his legs spread out on his left and right to prevent the mare from obtaining an easy pin. Rainbow tried crashing into Vanish in order to flip him, but his stance was too solid. Backing up, Rainbow ran at him once more, but Vanish anticipated it, promptly rolling over to catch the mare, using her own momentum to flip her over him and pin her to the wooden Library floor for the second time. “Wh… Whew… One… one more to go, my d… Rainbow!” The previous display of technique took a lot out of Vanish and left him unable to focus on what he was saying, as he had to completely focus on Rainbow Dash’s movements to beat her.

“This is FAR from over, Vanish!” Rainbow smirked, having an idea about what Vanish would do next. Once he rolled off of her and stood back up, allowing her to do the same as well, Rainbow ran in a circle again, but this time, Vanish didn’t have the time to lower his stance. He tried following her, but suddenly heard nothing, yet knew she was behind him. He quickly turned around and saw that Rainbow Dash had jumped in the air, soaring over him without even using her wings. The expertly performed jump caused Vanish to raise his front hooves in an act of self-defense, which Rainbow caught with her rear legs, causing the stallion to have his hooves, and back, pinned to the floor for a second time with pure momentum.

The thud of the impact on the floor caused him to grunt in pain. “NNGH!” “HAH! Two and two, Vanish!” Rainbow wouldn’t admit it, but she was completely engulfed in the ‘competition’ they were having: It wasn’t a race, but it required quick movements and even quicker thinking, especially without the use of her wings. The stallion tried standing up, but collapsed, having whacked the back of his head on the wooden floor of the Library when he was pinned. He was much too proud to ask for a break, yet it appeared that he didn’t have to. Looking up, he saw a light-cerulean hoof being extended to him, as the dark, dark blue-coated pony promptly grasped it whilst speaking. “… You didn’t have to help me, you know.”

Rainbow playfully tapped her hoof on the side of the stallion’s head, not in an attempt to cause pain, but to get his attention. Vanish saw the innocent, playful smile being displayed by the mare with the rainbow mane as he looked into her eyes. “Hey… We’re friends, Vanish. No matter which of us wins…” She extended her front hoof for a hoof-bump. “… Let’s keep on being friends, alright? Don’t take it easy on me, just because I’m a mare or a Pegasus. I’ll be a Wonderbolt someday, but right now, I trust you to give me all you got, in this last match!”

The other ponies in the room had tears in their eyes at the display of loyalty Rainbow Dash was showing; knowing that their friend could see the merit in the ‘spirit of competition’, almost made Twilight feel like writing another lesson of friendship to her mentor, not that Spike was in any shape to do so, having tears in his eyes as well. “… Rainbow Dash?” Rainbow tilted her head curiously. “Yeah?” Vanish smiled, grabbing her hoof suddenly, much to Rainbow’s shock, and pulling himself towards her for a hoof-shake. “I don’t want to lose your trust, and I promise that as long as you give everything you’ve got, you will never lose mine.”

Rainbow had tears in her eyes, as Vanish gave her a hug, before backing up. “Ready?” Vanish scraped his hoof on the ground, as Rainbow Dash followed suit. “Hah! I’m ready whenever you are, Vanish!” The stallion ran at Rainbow Dash, as Rainbow Dash ran at him, the two ponies knowing that no matter what became of the outcome of the match, it would be one they could both be proud of, for it held two very important things within it, two ‘spirits’ worth taking pride in the existence of:

The Spirit of Competition, and the Spirit of Friendship.

Author's Note:

Special thanks to Linkonpark100 for pointing out my overuse of ellipsis at an early point of the story, thus prompting me to correct it for later chapters. You have my sincere gratitude.

PreviousChapters
Comments ( 21 )

1921040

Now that's a better build-up.

1925721 Pardon? I don't quite understand what you meant with regards to "a better build-up". :rainbowderp:

well, that was a intresting ending

1932424 Thanks! I actually had a whole bunch of endings, but rather than pick one, I just scrapped the others based off of "How easy is this to believe as an outcome?". There was going to be over 60 chapters until I scrapped several of them for going on for waaaaay too long for a single arc, and in the end, I was left with this one, sole outcome as being 'possible'. :twilightblush:

I thank you for giving my story a read, though! If you have any advice for me, I'd appreciate the feedback! :twilightsmile:

I really hate posting comments like these, but I just wanted to let you know that this story caught my attention and I will be taking a gander at it later...tonight or tomorrow...just depends on what I have going on at the time. It looks really good though...I believe that stories containing OC's are not as popular as they should be...others see them as "Oh, this is gonna be boring or bad..." I myself see "Oooh, this could be interesting..." Well, with that being said, I shall return and give this a good in-depth read and let you know what I think about it. Guten Tag Meine Fruend!

~Ambro~

2261822 I look forward to your input! I always hope for comments from other individuals, especially the well-spoken and constructive critics! Any way I can possibly help my published story, I'd love to do so! Heh... I actually have multiple stories in the works, but I only publish completed stories, rather than 'chapter by chapter'. Even this, I had fully finished before publishing the first chapter. :twilightblush:

I certainly hope that, when the time comes for your viewing of my story, that you thoroughly enjoy it. :scootangel:

2269644 Well, when I get the time I will keep breaking down the chapters for you with my opinions...as well as how each chapter made me feel and whatnot. I normally can go very deep with how I take each chapter. I enjoy stories like these and so far this one is really good. I may...depending on how the next five chapters or so go...I may just have to put this on my page as an All Time Favorite story.

2269696 ... I literally read that last part and started shedding liquid pride, right then, right there. :fluttercry: It's three in the morning; WAY too early for me to read a comment this nice, at least, one directed to my own story! :ajsleepy:

Nngh... Even now, I'm still editing minor things in chapters so that it can get approval for Equestria Daily: If any story of mine that I've written will get there, it'll have to be this: The others are a bit too dark in tone. More specifically, the "written and unpublished" (so all except this. Heh...) ones are too dark in tone. :twilightsheepish:

Since the very start of my career here, I've had certain reasons for writing, but one hope I've always held close, is the hope of detailed readers who express their opinions vividly. Well, I finally have the chance, at least! So you have nothing but my deepest gratitude. :rainbowdetermined2:

2269715 Well, you know what...I have just finished reading chapter two...I'll leave a detailed breakdown of that one later because I am exhausted...I am very impressed, just because I can, will, and want to you won't have to wait...I'm gonna make sure that I get this story up on my page and I'm gonna make sure I can help as much as I can to get you onto EQD because you sure as hell deserve it!!! Don't give up hope and when you decide to put more stories out...I tend to like the dark ones and the romantic ones...let me know if you need someone to take a look at it before you post it. I would be more than happy to do so and I would be more than happy to help edit if you need it.

Pony on my friend.

~Ambro~

2269735 That's actually the second offer of editing assistance so far that I've received (first being on my FIMfiction blog), and I'll have to stick by my creed: Until I receive a strike (I've submitted it twice so far, both times it got dismissed without a strike), I'll try my very best to edit it myself.

Dark and Romance? Oddly enough, I stick to reading other romance or 'clop' stories, but there's ONE of my thirteen upcoming ones that's sort of romance-related. :twilightblush: I don't like reading stories that might have styles I would either consciously or subconsciously begin to copy, so I stay away from most genres, at least while I'm still writing them. A shame, because they really pile up in my 'Read Later' list. :applejackconfused:

Regardless, I'll just keep responding (I KNOW me. Heh...) to these replies, so I better make this one the last until the next chapter has been given its review. I humbly look forward to it! :pinkiesmile:

:rainbowderp:Wow.

Just...

Wow.

Great ending:twilightsmile:, it took me a LONG time to actually finish this. Now I have to go find another story like this one. This is going to be hard...

Here have a mustache. :moustache:

2274925 53 chapters, I can understand people taking a while to get through it. :twilightblush:

There are plenty of authors better than me, though, but I appreciate the sentiment. :pinkiehappy:

Thank you for reading my story, and also for the mustache! :twilightsmile: I certainly hope you enjoyed it, and may you continue to enjoy other stories. :eeyup:

hmpf... read or not to read... that's the question here...

hmpf...
teen, Adventure, Derpy, OC, Main6, especially RD and Twi... hmpf... don't know~~~
in the Middle something around 2k words per chapter... H.M.P.F.

don'o cod' play 'n game w'il' prog d' 'ts r'idin' fo'ma'
Translation:
Don't know, could play an game while a program does the reading for me.

2817437 Nnnnngh... PLEASE DECIIIIDE!!!

As said in response to another comment, most are put off by how long it is, but truth be told, I'd uploaded these in "arcs": Hospital Arc, Canterlot Arc, Train Arc, etc.

I won't beg (though I WANT to! :raritydespair:), but really, at the very least, give it a respectable shot, like, a chapter or two. If it doesn't catch your eye, then I'll be happy just knowing it was given a chance.

That's what every author wants: A CHANCE to entertain the reader. :pinkiesad2: Also, using a program to read it for you might be difficult when it's 2K words a chapter before it needs to be moved to the next page. :applejackconfused:

2817498

Nnnnngh... PLEASE DECIIIIDE!!!

:rainbowlaugh:
To be honest I just wanted to see if you would react on my Comment ~

First Chapter: big, dark prelude. "Smash, right in ya face!" *sits stunned there, with raised eyebrow* :derpyderp1::rainbowhuh:

:trixieshiftright:-{"Well... That escalated quickly.")

I did that with the reading program already a couple of times, 2k words is ok ^^"
I have at this moment only one problem with your story: Your Story begins with an 'piano voce' and jumps epidemically after that to an 'subito forte'. (you begin nice and calm and suddenly BAAMMM!!! Derpy looses her wings!):derpyderp2::fluttercry:
By the basic conditions you give the reader to work with, it's a bit disturbing for your readers. ^^"
Your Story is nothing for "just some readZzzz.":moustache:

Awww hell, I will go and read your story anyways... so who am I to tell you something~~~ :trollestia: :unsuresweetie:

2818122 The massive shift in why things happen the way they do is limited in the story, but the reasons get explained not only through plot, but through character.

The reader can choose how they picture the OC, Vanish, in the story through his actions, and his reasons for said actions. :coolphoto: I like when people view a character a bit differently than I might've viewed him during the process of creating them.

And I'll ALWAYS respond to these comments! I take pride in doing so, after all! :raritywink:

2819488 *not too much time right now*
Btw. it seems that your Chapter2 misses the "hmpf... this stallion" Moment for Twi, the moment where you show the reader that Twi comes to the conclusion, how ever, that he is suspect.

'nd gone for the next hours~~~ ^^

2821996 Actually, that's when she's mentioning the name of the book that wouldn't normally be mentioned by ponies.

She becomes suspicious, but not until he gets pushy with his request. I really hope you keep reading, though... I like how you point it out: It makes me realize that I still have a long way to go as a writer.

And as a person. :ajsleepy:

Interesting :derpytongue2:, will read moar:pinkiegasp:

4200245 Y-You will? Please! Go right ahead! :applejackconfused:

4200837 yes, yes I will :pinkiecrazy: LOL

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