Chapter Four: Historical Friction
After the picnic, the rest of the day passed in a monotony of further writing and planning. Applejack had tried to write several of the letters by magic after her jaw began to cramp, but the results had been illegible. Late in the evening she finished her correspondence. Looking for a chance to exercise, she went out to get the winter’s firewood laid in. Big Macintosh was still out tending the orchards, and wouldn’t be likely to have time for it for a week or two at least. She had pushed herself physically, testing the limits of what her body could do without magical augmentation. Even before the change, Applejack’s command of ascetic magic had been as natural as breathing, so, without it, the work was actually more exhausting than usual. As she worked up a good lather, she let her mind clear, putting aside her worries and stresses.
***
House found himself at loose ends. His research materials were mostly packed and hopelessly jumbled, and he was pretty sure that he would be worse than useless at farm work. He finally settled for pulling out the book at the heart of his current study and giving it another clean read-through, without bothering with notes. The book was ancient and wrapped in protective magics far stronger than anything he could even dream of casting.
As he read, he thought back on the brief lesson he had given earlier. It had pained him, having to simplify that much. He was a researcher first, and the few classes he taught were exclusive to post-graduate students and other faculty. He could tell that he would have to be patient with Princess Mara. On the other hoof, she obviously had sources of knowledge that mortals were not privy to. Most information about the time before Celestia’s monarchy had only recently come to light, including the manuscript he now held. Her intellectual makeup was an odd mixture of innocence and cunning that he rarely encountered in his ivory-tower world. It disturbed, impressed and intrigued him all at once.
From downstairs, he heard the front door slam to chorus of cheerful ‘howdy!’s. After a moment came the distinctive clomping of the Princess up the stairs. House poked his head out the door of the guest room and immediately regretted it. The Princess was panting slightly as she headed towards the bathroom, and her coat was streaked with white lather. The stench was overwhelming. Some tiny part of him rebelled at this revelation; Princesses should smell like lavender, or maybe apples in this case, even when they sweat! Suppressing a gag, it was all House could do to nod at Mara.
Mara nodded back. “Hay there sugar. Sorry ‘bout cuttin’ ya short back at tha picnic.” She glanced at the book being held in his magic. “What’cha readin’ there?”
Startled, he glanced down at the book that he had absently brought with him. “Oh, it’s a journal. Now, don’t look at me like that. I have permission to read it. It belonged to Celestia a long time ago. She released it to the college of history at Canterlot University a year back. A lot, actually, has been released from the Royal Archives in the years since Luna’s return. I suspect, though, that my study of this book is the reason my application to be your tutor was accepted.”
“Oh? When’s it from?”
“Well, it’s from around the time of what some scholars are calling the Lunar Rebellion…” He trailed off, obviously not happy with the term.
“Ah think Ah hear a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”
“Yes, well, in light of this book, I think the older term might be more appropriate.”
“And what is that?”
“The Nightmare.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Well, first thing Ah gotta do is take a shower-”
“Thank Celestia!” House immediately clamped a hoof over his mouth. This was why he was a research professor, not a teacher. He had a very difficult time controlling his mouth.
Applejack gave him a stare that was slightly more amused than angry. “As Ah was sayin’, Ah think Ah’m gonna have a nice soak after. Why don’t ah call ya in when Ah’m decent and settled, and ya can tell me about it, ok?”
House nodded, grateful to have dodged banishment once again. “As you wish, Princess.”
***
House, of course, had an easy time hearing Applejack’s shout of, “Ready!” He carefully knocked on the door before opening it. “Come on in,” she said. House entered. A curtain had been drawn partway around the tub, leaving only Applejack’s head visible as she reclined in the bubbly water. Her voluminous golden hair hung limply around her face, while a serene smile played about her lips. “Go on and tell me ‘bout the Nightmare. Ah swear Ah won’t fall asleep on ya.”
House opened his book, flipped around to a few different places, then shut it again. “Well, I suppose I should ask you what you already know about Luna’s fall. You seem to be a lot more knowledgeable than anypony has a right to be.”
“Well, Ah know that it happened after Sombra kidnapped her and she and Celestia killed him tha first time, but that’s about it.” House stayed silent for quite some time, so Applejack turned her head to look at him. He was staring at her, eyes wide. “Yes?”
“King Sombra actually kidnapped her? Physically? This just mentions a spell…This changes everything…”
Applejack settled back down into her bath. “Ah’ll see what Ah can tell ya about that another time. What happened after tha spell?”
“Right, well, the princesses thought they had broken it after the defeat of Sombra. However, there was a more long-term effect as well. As far as I can translate, Luna began withdrawing from her own kin, by which I assume the book means ponykind.”
“Translate? Ah thought they still spoke Equish back then.”
“They did, but this is Celestia’s private journal. It was written in Old-High-Unicornian. Even by that time, the language was unfathomably ancient and completely dead. Anyways, Luna began withdrawing herself from society. She all but abandoned the nobility of her court, meeting them perhaps once or twice per year, and she ceased her dreamwalking entirely. The book seems to indicate that she may have ceased sleeping at all. Her mannerisms, while they were always rougher than her sister’s, became yet harsher and more inscrutable. The tiniest mishap could send her into a towering rage. She frightened ponies so badly that they largely ceased even attending the Night court. Meanwhile, her few loyal retainers were covertly attacked and publicly discredited by a hidden and very illegitimate cult of the sun. One day, Celestia went to visit her in her chambers, bringing… something. I haven’t worked out what. What Celestia saw inside was no longer her sister, but a beast instead. She had fallen to the Nightmare.
“Nightmare Moon, as she was later called, stalked up to Celestia and snatched away the gift she had brought. It’s a little unclear what happened next, but there is mention in the passage about weeping and blood… Nightmare began screaming at Celestia in one of the ancient tongues, with words that could be heard across Equestria. Her final shout was the infamous declaration, ‘The night shall last forever!’ With those words, she launched herself at her sister with a fury and violence that has never been seen before or since…”
“Go on, whut happened next?”
“Well, it’s incredibly awful. With what I’ve been able to piece together from this book and other sources, the Lunar Rebellion is a total fiction. There was no organized marshaling of troops or clearly drawn battle-lines. There weren’t even soldiers. Celestia and Luna clashed in the hurricane skies of Equestria for months while the ponies below mirrored their conflict in blood and mud and steel. Hideous lights and thunder that would shatter glass pealed out at all times of that unnatural night, making true sleep impossible. The dark goddess’s power and horror and anguish invaded the minds of ponies everywhere, making life a waking nightmare. Reality and dream blurred and bled into one another, often literally. Among ponies, there were no sides in the Nightmare War. Everypony turned against her neighbor and lashed out with the despair and confusion of the utterly hopeless.”
Applejack had sat up in the tub by this time. “So, tha whole world was thrown into murderin’ and chaos, jest because Luna went mad?”
“That and more. I think that is the real reason why there are so few records of the time. Nopony, not a single one, was spared from the atrocity. At the end, when a single, blinding rainbow cut through the storms, the sun shone on a ruined Equestria. The cries of the widows, widowers and orphans rang out for weeks on end as the world desperately tried to wake itself from a Nightmare that was all too real. There was so much blood on everypony’s hooves that they were forced to ignore what had happened, just so that they could live with themselves.” House glanced at the book that sat beside him, a haunted expression on his face. “I… I don’t know if I can publish the full account. I don’t think it would be safe for anypony, if everyone knew what the Sisters are capable of, nevermind the violence.”
Applejack crouched down in the tub, her hulking form seemed somehow shrunken, and her muzzle was scrunched up in an expression of shocked realization. “Whut Ah’m capable of…”
House hesitated, then nodded. “Yes. I heard about the thorns. I’m certain that is the least of what you could do. Remember though, Luna was under the effects of a powerful and terrible spell, and even then it took years for her to fall.” House sighed. “I’ve been wrestling with myself about whether or not to ask Luna in a letter about the nature of the spell that felled her. Psychotropic magic is notoriously potent. Even a simple affection spell is so dangerous as to be completely illegal. The mere fact that she resisted it for so long without even being conscious of it speaks of a mind and will so deep as to be incomprehensible. If, instead, there was some technique she used, some mantra or counterspell, it could make the world a lot safer.”
Applejack gazed owlishly at House, looking incongruously ridiculous as her sopping hair framed her solemn face. “Luna don’t know.” She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. “Luna don’t know any of it, and you ain’t gonna tell her. Y’all ain’t gonna say a word. If she asks, you run. Now, run along. Ah’m gonna towel off.”
***
Applejack went to bed that night deeply disturbed. House’s words had triggered a profound sense of sorrow and trepidation in her. She supposed it might be an artifact of her burgeoning second sight, but she had caught faint whispers of what the ponies of the time must have felt while he had told their story. She tossed and turned for a while before falling into a fitful sleep.
***
Her dreams were filled with storm clouds whipping about at gale speeds as faint wails and screams of panic and rage drifted up from below. Nothing was visible in any direction except roiling grey and black. Another scream, this one pure hatred, sounded out from above her with a volume that tore streaks in the cloud cover. A horrific chorus echoed it in twisted unison from the darkness below. A sudden staccato of thunder sounded from above. In the strobing light, Applejack could see two alicorns locked in brutal combat. There was another, quieter, cry, and then the two were gone again from sight.
Suddenly, Luna rose up from her left, shouting, “I think Celestia’s planning something!”
Applejack yelled hoarsely and fell into an uncontrolled dive. Luna dove after her, expanding to fill the world as she wrapped her wings around Applejack. When she opened them again a moment later, Applejack was deposited onto a soft couch in room filled with colorful tapestries and a crackling fire in the corner. “Art thou alright, Applejack? It seemed to be some sort of nightmare we rescued thee from.”
Applejack’s glance darted around the room in a panic. “Uh, Ah ate… somethin’ um… terrifyin’ before bath-uh-bed. Eeyup, indigestion.”
Luna gave Applejack an incredulous glance. “Truly? You can tell me what it is. I have been dreamwalking for millennia. There is almost no specter nor feverish fantasy for which I would judge you.”
Applejack furrowed her brow. “Well, Ah’m afraid ta ask, but whut would ya judge me for?”
Luna turned aside to tend the possibly imaginary fire. There was a grim expression in her eyes, and her withers were tense, as if ready to flee. “Well, how dost thou feel about ink blotters?”
AJ blinked. “Ah, uh, don’t have strong feelings either way. Take ‘em or leave ‘em.”
Seeing Applejack’s consternation, Luna burst into a hearty gut-laugh. “I hope thou knowest that I speak in jest. Haha! Come, thou art a sister, there is nothing that would sway my loyalty to thee.”
Applejack smiled awkwardly, not really seeing the joke. After Luna had calmed down, she asked, “So, you were sayin’ somethin’ about Celestia?”
Luna nodded. “She has been working overtime lately. More than I have seen her do since my return. I feel as though she is clearing her schedule for something. Perhaps she plans to visit you? I know she deeply desires to get to know you better.”
“She wants ta come visit? Ah really don’t think she’d enjoy herself out here on tha farm. It ain’t really up to Canterlot standards at all.”
Luna smiled warmly. “To be honest, I don’t think my sister is either. She loves her ponies like a mother, and has worn the face of infallibility for a thousand years, but you should have seen her in times long past. Time was she would throw wild feasts to rival anything imaginable to Pinkie, and would challenge her guards and retainers to races. Some days she would simply take her flute, leave the castle and wander about playing music so beautiful as to make the heart melt and the world hold its breath. I think, after I left, ponies were terrified of her. With me gone and her utterly alone, I can easily imagine her giving herself completely to the royal image to calm their fears and be their rock. It may have been necessary at the time, but I do not think it is either healthy or needful any longer. I cannot tell you how much it heartens me to see her excited about something like this.”
“Well, if she asks, Ah’m ok with it. Let her know Ah do plan to have a lot more space fer guests in the next week.”
“Excellent, I shall drop the hint.” Luna glanced at the doorway to the room. “Applejack?”
“Yes?”
“If she comes down, I shall likely stay behind to catch any matters that may spring up in the interim. However, may I still visit thee in dreams like this? I would actually like to teach thee combat. Thou wilt have guards, but they must be trained and, after all, they are more for the protection of the foolish ponies who would try to assault thy puissant self. If there is a real threat to thee, no number of ponies shall be enough. Indeed, in such a matter it would be cowardly to hide behind them, rather than to rise up and defend them as thou ought.”
“That sounds alright ta me. Tomorrow night?”
Luna smiled. “That sounds like fun, see you then.”
Luna’s face slowly faded from view, leaving Applejack to the oblivion of dreamless sleep.
***
Applejack had woken to a huge pile of scrolls being dumped on her all at once. After a moment of sputtering in shock and surprise, she wiped the sleep out of her eyes and opened one at random. It was from Celestia. Applejack couldn’t help but chuckle. There were exactly a dozen of them. Heh, she responded ta every single one. The first one read:
Dear Applejack,
I must admit, your little surprise was quite a relief from the interminable meetings today. One of the scrolls dropped square on the horn of a visiting minotaur as he was paying his respects. It was all I could do to keep from bursting out in laughter at the sight of it perched so neatly on his head.
Yours,
Celestia
Applejack pawed through the pile and opened a few more.
Dear Applejack,
Sending these letters every hour, on the hour, was a stroke of genius. They managed to interrupt me at quite the most inopportune of times. The letter in front of me now was dropped in a bowl of watercress soup, and is nearly illegible.
Yours,
Celestia
Dear Applejack,
Honestly, Applejack, you’re quite as bad as Luna. I hope you know this means war. You should know that I play the long game, and I play to win. This particular letter nearly landed in the garden fountain.
Yours,
Celestia
Dear Applejack,
I bet you must be wondering by now: if you are opening these at random, how are you reading them in sequence? If you ask nicely, I may tell you someday.
Yours,
Celestia
Applejack dropped the scroll and kicked the pile off of her bed, thoroughly spooked.
***
Applejack was much less busy than the day previous. She spent a few hours in the morning listening to a lecture from House on the differences between Earthen and Pegasus theories of democracy and found the time to lend Big Mac a hoof around the farm. For lunch she invited Merry to Sugarcube Corner to discuss business.
When the two had found a table, Pinkie bounced up with her usual energy. “So, aaaanything I can get you two?”
AJ smiled. “Alfalfa smoothie fer me.”
Merry thought a moment. “How about a couple of maple doughnuts?
Pinkie bowed low and rushed back into the kitchen to prepare the snack.
“So,” said Applejack, “We need ta get this whole guard thing figured out. Before Ah say anythin’ what’re your thoughts, sugar cube?”
Merry leaned back in her chair as her gaze wandered to the ceiling. “Well, like, I don’t really know anything about fighting. I don’t think I’ve even been in a brawl before. I can try, but I kinda doubt I’m gonna be any good. I like doing the whole seneschal thing, though.”
Pinkie had returned by that time, expertly balancing a tray on her head. “Here you go, an alfalfa smoothie and two maple doughnuts; the sprinkles are on the house. Anything else?” Both of the other ponies shook their heads. Pinkie smiled and winked at them before going to help the other patrons.
Merry called out a thanks to Pinkie before continuing. “And, there was one other thing. You remember the bit I gave back to you?”
AJ nodded. “Ah was gonna ask you about that.”
“I gave it away to somepony who looked like she needed it. I mean, there’s lots to fight besides invaders and monsters. We could fight hunger, or-or hobos!” Several of the nearby patrons stared incredulously at Merry.
Applejack chuckled. “Heh, Ah think you mean fight homelessness.” Between sips of her smoothie, Applejack said, “Ah’ve been thinkin’ about that. Ah don’t need much protecting anyhow, and Equestria don’t really need more soldiers. We’ve got tha Royal Guard, tha Army, tha Wonderbolts, Royal Artillery, the Foreign Legion and Celestia only knows what else… Did you ever hear ‘bout tha Appleloosan-Buffalo war?”
“I think so. It was a bunch of skirmishes that went on when Appleloosa was first settled. They say it’s a miracle that nopony died in the fighting.”
“Durn straight. Most of it was just little raids and dust-ups. Ah was there fer tha only day of actual fighting. Ah saw the Appleloosa clock tower smashed to splinters from the battle, and Ah saw Chief Thunderhooves take a pie right to tha face. Whut Ah also saw was a group of brave and resourceful ponies willin’ ta defend what they held dear, even against terrifyin’ odds, far from any hope of aid. And what’s more, they were unwillin’ to take a life to do it. Ah happen to know fer a fact that Sheriff Silver Star owns a rifle… But even when all looked lost, and the pies started runnin’ out, he faced his fate with dignity and integrity. If it had been a bullet that took down the Chief, Ah don’t think there’d be an Appleloosa today. Tha Buffalo woulda sworn an eternal war on ponies and they would have leveled the town like they were already in process of doin’.”
Applejack, whose gaze had drifted off into the distance, looked back at Merry May. “The thing is, Ah don’t think any of that was really necessary. If we’d had somepony there in tha first place, ta teach us that we gotta share, we gotta care fer one another –”
“I said that!” shouted Pinkie from behind the counter.
“No, Pinkie, y’all sang that, and there’s a huge difference,” Applejack shouted back. A mild ‘humph’ was the only reply. “Anyhow, ta show ponies that there’s a better way, that eveypony’s needs can be met, Ah think that’s what Ah want mah guard ta do. Yeah, they need ta know how to defend a place as a last resort, but, like you say, their first job will be to travel about, helpin’ ponies ‘n’ others to coexist ‘n’ provide fer themselves and fer others.”
Merry’s eyes lit up as AJ spoke, but her expression quickly fell. “Applejack… I don’t think I can do any of that. I’ve never been a leader. I have no idea how to organize that kind of thing. I was just a weathermare before. You should probably make me a hoofmaiden or something.”
Applejack laid a hoof on Merry’s shoulder. “Hay now, sugar cube. Ah’ve seen ya lead a parade to cheer me up, and a caravan of camels to rescue me. You’ve said ya want this before. Is that still true?” Merry nodded. “Then what kinda earth-goddess would Ah be if Ah couldn’t help ya grow?”
Merry smiled. “Thanks, but shouldn’t I be the one keeping you happy?”
“That don’t mean Ah can’t do the same fer you. We’re in this together, right?” Applejack offered her hoof.
Merry bumped it solemnly. “Right.”
“Alright, you go ahead and finish lunch, then take tha afternoon ta think about it a little more. Ah’m thinkin’ we’ll have tha knightin’ in a couple a days, once we’ve hashed out tha oath. Ah’m gonna go talk ta Twilight.”
“Will do. Have fun!”
***
Twilight was busy sorting through a stack of scrolls that had been sent earlier in the day. They were all from Princess Celestia, and each one was post-dated for various days throughout the rest of the month. She had just finished laying them in chronological order in her writing desk when Applejack knocked on her door. She trotted over to it and opened it before Spike could get there. “Oh! Hi… Applejack. What brings you here?”
“Howdy, Twi. Ah was jest stoppin’ by ta see when ya wanted to practice magic. Ah kinda have mah schedule under control fer the next couple a weeks. What times are convenient fer you?”
Twilight glanced at her clock. “Actually, early afternoons are best. I find that the first rush is at three and then again at five, so, right now is perfect. Would you like to start in on it now?”
“Sure, Ah have a couple of hours. Whut did ya have in mind?”
Twilight furrowed her brow in thought. “Well… You aren’t a foal, so just making you practice levitation until it starts to make instinctual sense is probably less effective. Besides, you already have a cutie mark, that’s usually a big boost in helping a unicorn get a handle on more complex magic. But, maybe we can use that to our advantage… I’ve got it.”
“Got what?”
“Come on AJ, we’re going to the hardware store.”
***
They actually went to several stores before Twilight found what she wanted. The two were now walking back to the library with a full wheelbarrow load of loose stone in Twilight’s telekinetic grip. Applejack gazed at it appraisingly. “So, what’s all this for again?”
Twilight wiped a small drop of sweat from her brow before replying. “This is shale. I figured we could try channeling. It’s what they do in hospitals after a pony suffers a serious horn-injury to relearn magic. One pony will cast a mid-level spell on something, but use only a wisp of power, just enough to start, but not finish, the spell. The recovering pony will then pour their magic into the other unicorn’s spell, helping them refine their control and get a feel for complex weaves.” Twilight let out a huge sigh of relief as she dumped the stone behind her house.
“That sounds alright ta me, but what are we actually gonna do to the shale?”
“Oh, right, well, since your cutie mark has to do with the earth, I thought it would be best to cast a spell related to geology. I’m going to weave a basic metamorphosis spell to turn the shale into slate. I could use a new chalkboard anyway. What I want you to do is, after I fire up my spell, just grab the rock with your telekinesis. Try to feel what I’m doing and wrap your magic around mine. Trust me, it will make sense when you try it.”
Applejack frowned. “Couldn’t that hurt you, Twi? Ah may not be good at this whole thing, but Ah got power ta spare.”
Twilight smiled up at her friend. “No, don’t worry. I’ve practiced this with Celestia herself. If you do lose control, I know how to deal with the extra magic. Now, let’s try it.” Applejack nodded and settled into a ready stance. Twilight lifted a portion of the loose rock with her magic and arranged it in the air. She shaped it into a thick sheet and glanced out of the corner of her eyes at AJ. “Ok, Applejack, whenever you’re ready.”
Applejack closed her eyes, lowered her horn and sent out an exploratory pulse of magic. She felt the shape of the stone, solid and real. She also felt the tingle of Twilight’s spell. Right as she started to reach out to it, she felt a jerk on her horn and a loud, crunching, screeching, scraping noise filled the air and broke her concentration. When she opened her eyes, she saw that the floating stone had compressed into a solid mass, streaked with white and black. “Did we do it?”
Twilight grimaced and let the rock drop to the street with a resounding thud. “Well, this is gneiss…”
Applejack grinned. “Well, shucks, it was only mah first try too. Ah don’t know how that was supposed ta help me feel the spell though. It was a mite too fast.”
Twilight facehooved. “No, I mean this is the rock called gneiss. You pressed way, way, way too hard. Ugh, this isn’t going to work. We need a much more complex spell.”
Applejack scratched her head for a moment. She racked her brain for what little she knew about complex magic. Her mind drifted back to something Luna had shown her a week ago. “Twilight, Ah think Ah have an idea…”
THE NIGHTMARE makes a lot of sense. Mostly depends on what kind of crazy Luna became. And Cadence's special talent is love which gives her a certain insight into how much affection magic is too much or too little and where it should be placed
Gniess... Ugh. I can't believe I laughed at that.
I read it twice... I still don't see a trick of any kind. I must be thick as a brick.
You didn't touch on Twilight's emotions towards AJ ascending this chapter. I don't rightly know where her anger is coming from, if it was directed towards AJ, Celestia, the situation, or the senechal.
2019201 She's in her element (hah!) when it comes to teaching magic, so she might not feel the same confusion and anguish.
That's my theory anyway.
Also confused about the trick... it's nice seeing Applejack finding her niche, though.
Hardware store.
Hardware store!
Sorry.
Chapter is really good and I had a laugh here and there.
It's about damn time!
They could be read in any order and seem like a progression? The 'final' letter was read fourth and then she stopped because of it.
I like the idea of Ajs guards, what would you call honor guard of the earth goddess that roam the earth trying to make it better?
Apple Crusaders?
Knights of the Golden Apple?
Fantastic Farmers?
Warriors of peace!
Now i'm more curious then ever to see the knighting ceremony. Merry is a one lovable goof with golden heart heh.
If my comments are dressing, I wonder what I taste like…
The letters? Here's my guess, and it doesn't require any special "magics".
Note that the first three letters actually had no specific references to each other in them and VERY few references to time frame. They are also formatted very similarly - comment about how amusing it is, what happened, etc. If you shuffle the order, they'd still effectively say the same story. That's the key.
It's actually a variant on an old magician's trick. People will place a narrative of their own on any random series of information. Only the "last" scroll is key - and it is explicitly designed to MAKE the person stop generating a further narrative.
No funky magics - as long as that scroll wasn't the first one or two read - (and 1 outta 12 is long odds) - it does the job.
I'm rather enjoying the story.
2019201
Twilight has a distraction from that at the moment... and even if she's disturbed by or jealous with AJ, she's still best friends with her - I can imagine that if she's not actively brooding on her negative feelings she's fine with AJ.
Trick is she never mentioned a time or order in which the scrolls appeared. Clever girl...
Also, I desperately want to see the Twilight/AJ showdown/conforntati
Odd, I thought that the "Nightmare Moon eating foals if they don't bring her candy" thing came from the time of the Lunar Rebellion, because NM recruited orphans, homeless, etc., in order to fight against Celestia.
2019158
I always considered her power manipulating affection that was already there. In the show, it's not like she made two random strangers fall in love, but instead strengthened the love between a fighting couple.
And what about that plantation she was supposed to "unjinx"?
this is not enough.. FAT MAN DEMANDS MOAR!
Man i am loving this story. keep it up
I enjoyed the geology puns - it felt quite natural, the way you included it in the narrative without it being an intrusion was igneous.
It's also good to see Applejack's not becoming too sedimentary, that she's keeping up with as much farm work as she can. It's also good to see she's not taking her guard for granite - though I hope her relationship with Merry May stays plutonic.
Celestia's scrolls. Perhaps Applejack should study slight-of-hoof from Trixie?
So are there more alicorns running around in the background?
The Earth Mother's Troops could be a good name
and I just thought of something Apple Bloom could make the Cutie Mark Crusaders a non-profit institution like in void chiken fic http://www.fimfiction.net/story/68128/three-hundred-and-fifty
I love the Nightmare. It makes perfect sense as a consequence for a goddess of dreams going mad. AJ's concept for her guard seems like just what Equestria really needs.
Also, that gneiss pun was the schist.
I effin' love geology puns.
So, that's a real trick, eh? Nice. It was still hilarious as heck to see that letter, and to see that AJ and Celestia are starting to bond in their own, unique fashion.
I do hope Applejack gets to talk to Celestia about the whole Nightmare thing. I think it would help her out and also provide something to give us a glimpse into the solar princess' mind.
Also? 'Tia has a great encryption technique; just use a dead language nobody remembers anymore!
I like what you did with how Luna's time as Nightmare Moon and fighting her sister affected the populace at large. I've been wondering since Sleepless in Ponyville just how much the Nightmare part of Nightmare Moon played a part back before she was banished.
actually, the type of mind magic that cadence uses is a slight push that almost immediately breaks off after the person(s) get over whatever it was they were fighting over. it builds off whatever is already there. the true type of mind magic(the evil mind manipulation magic)twists the person(s) mind to fit the casters need. actually, http://www.fimfiction.net/story/51867/faith-and-doubt, this story gets into her side of magic and its effects on other ponies if you'd like to read it. it's very good i promise.
Celestia is a clever pony. Interesting.
2019542 I was always under the impression that the whole idea of 'Nightmare Night' was somepony's idea of taking a famous tale, and tweaking it to be more kid-friendly. One of the better interpretations of this can be found in Nightmare Night and Nyx.
At any rate, I look forward to seeing more of this.
So, Celestia wants a prank war does she. I can think of two particular pranksters who could really help AJ out.
Anyways, loved the chapter. Loved the bit of world building you did. I hope you get the next chapter out soon. I also hope that the main conflict of this story will come to light in the next couple of chapters as well.
I gotta admit that this story has everything you ever wanted in one seamless mass. It's like the sorta epic slowdown you get from Cave shooters like Mushihimesama and ESPgaluda II; there's a lot of shit going on but in the end it makes perfect sense.
All that aside, I'm eager to see how Luna's training of Applejack will fair. And kudos to House for dodging yet another bullet to the face.
Lastly, I want to apologize for the salty comment I left in the first story. After reading through the chapters of that story a second time, I gained a better understanding of AJ and her decision to run.
2019253 Applejack's Rangers
2018388
((OOC: Jeez take it easy my role play comments are jokes, not intended to be taken seriously ))
Hmm... I might have to tweak The Final Accusation a bit... good stuff, though.
I've never thought of the Princesses as full-fledged 'Gods.' I don't mind stories like those but that's never the way they appeared in my own head canon. More like very long-lived and experienced users of their particular set of skills. Sure they raise the sun and moon but what does that really mean? A group of unicorns can do the same for both objects. So a group of unicorns are as powerful as Celestia and Luna - combined (because while raising the sun, you have to lower the moon)? How big a group? Five? Fifteen hundred?
Then again, I've never liked writing about gods or goddesses 'in the flesh' as it was. What's the point in having mortal protagonists when a wave of the hand makes everything better/worse? Eh, particulars and preferences. Ignore the above because that's all this post is.
this lightly tossed word salad could use a dash of more turban
2019216
Incorrect, my friend.
Your video, while applicable to almost any mention of The Hardware Store, does not have a place here.
For this place already has one.
This:
2018595 Hmm... We'll see...
2019158 Good point. Also, she's an Empress.
2019168>>2019214>>2019236>>2019286>>2019443>>2019674>>2019791>>2019983 Congratulations to those who figured it out! I think 2019286 had the most exact description of what happened. In addition, if I were Celestia, I would have sent the 'final' scroll second if I sent them rapid fire, and tucked it in the bottom-right of the pile if I sent them as a dump (assuming Equish is read left to right). It's an old and subtle trick. If you missed it, don't feel bad. That just means I pulled it off well.
2019201 Actually I did, but in a way that you wouldn't even have to blink to miss.
2019214 Well said. Also, Twilight is a lot less shallow than a lot of stories portray her as. She is actually quite loyal and understanding.
2019216 Heh, once again I have to have my own references pointed out to me.
2019235 ... That's somewhat rude, and non-specific. Clarify?
2019253 Heh, that's actually something I'm struggling with. I still haven't decided what to call it.
2019262 Prosciutto.
2019303
2019327 Exactly. She sincerely loves her friends, even if they annoy her.
2019443 That would certainly be exciting.
2019542
i1.kym-cdn.com/profiles/icons/big/000/002/460/ImaginationSnake.jpg
2019558 That's an interesting take on it.
2019572 She said she'd get to it in a couple of days. Just because she's forgiven him doesn't mean he's any kind of priority.
2019605 BALD MAN WRITES "MOAR"!
2019617 Sounds like a plan.
2019674 Rofl, I like. Also, *checks for romance tag* still not there.
2019680 No... Not anymore...
2019693 Interesting premise on that one.
2019743 Thanks!
2019791 It worked in WWII.
2019866 Yep, it's actually been my headcanon since long before that episode.
2019972
i1.kym-cdn.com/profiles/icons/big/000/002/460/ImaginationSnake.jpg
2020126 Glad you like it.
2020189 If you believe in the three-act system (which I don't) we would probably be 3/4 of the way through act 1... Maybe. Also, I hope you don't confuse conflict with antagonist.
2020220 Apology accepted. And, thanks!
2020377 I like that one.
2020461 I know, I was playing along.
2020525 Well, even by the time that FA occurs, this won't be common knowledge.
2020651 Well... You're coming at the concept from the perspective of Christianity post-AD-1000 or so. Before then, and even still in many religions, the separation between Gods and Men is wavy, and has to do with relative power and wisdom.
2020744 There you go.
uyirmmai.com/Images/ContentImages/uyirosai-104/massive%20sikh%20turban%20nihang.jpg
2020838 Nice.
2022495
Sorry. It was meant as a light-hearted poke at the relative length of time between chapters. I apologize if I came off as a bit of an asshole.
2022495 Wow, cool.
2022554
Did you mean one specific youtube video when said this 2019235 ?
Goodness me, another chapter in one of the most original, well written, and interesting stories on this site. This continues to be a singular pleasure to read with each update. You have my admiration and respect - and a fair bit of my envy, as well. A thoroughly excellent story by a thoroughly excellent author.
It took so long!
Here, have some word-salad dressing
2018388 Very interesting, it's a rarity to see someone both as close to and as far from both ends of the scale as you are. Your philosophy is near-paradoxical in its complexity. Me, mine is rather simple. Things happen due to cause and effect, and there are grains of truth in all things. The trick is finding them.
Overall, I liked this chapter, in fact I'll say what I liked and didn't like as well as comment on something that has been bugging me for a while now.
The good:
I liked the letter trick and Luna's talk with AJ. The letters are a good laugh and the discussion made for a really nice heart-heart between the two. Another good is how you've handled House Divided. Thank you for NOT making him like Dr. House. I mean I like Dr. House just as much as the next person, but always getting a teacher/ mentor/ person of professional authority on something that is a snarky, smarty pants that sees the world as their play thing, gets annoying after the ten-millionth time. I do have one complaint about him in regards to this chapter, which I'll get to in a moment. Finally, I like that you're taking the time to explain the history and showing that not everything is sunshine and daisies.
The not so good (I'll keep this part brief):
Q1: Why is AJ having problems with her earth abilities at this stage when it's been established that those abilities at least, she has control over and isn't getting exhausted by their use?
Q2: In regards to the history, why isn't Discord released by Celestia's and Luna's fighting (And please don't say that he was influencing their fight or that their fight weakened his seal because that would a huge cop-out as well as a massive plot hole)? You claim that there was chaos all over as a result of their fighting and it has been shown that any disharmony that is shown around or near him would cause his release. The fact that their fighting is influencing the ponies below on such a large scale should cause his immediate release. So why doesn't it?
Q3: Why is there a branching military and guns in Equestria? Both have potential problems should they come or fail to come up later.
Q4:
Rush of what exactly,Twilight? Wind? Studying? Magic?
Q5: Why didn't House Divided ask AJ where she got all this knowledge from? I got the impression that as a researcher/ teacher, he would want to know these kinds of things so he doesn't waste time going over things that AJ already knows or has some indication of knowing. It strikes me as odd when she says that she knows things that not many ponies know of (including Celestia's own personal student) and he doesn't question where she knows this or obtained this information, especially considering AJ's background before becoming an alicorn.
The constructive criticism (This is going to be text heavy so if you don’t want to read then stop now):
My one main complaint to the story thus far involves one character, specifically Merry May. Why is Merry May in this story? To understand this, let's play a little game, shall we (if you know what this game is or where I got it from give yourself a pat on the back while eating a cookie)? Without describing any physical attributes or what their occupation is, describe the following characters from the stories thus far (this includes both stories). The more descriptive you are the stronger and more engaging the character is.
Princess Luna:
Persistent in her goals, caring towards her sisters, concerned about both their physical and mental health, serious about serious issues, willing to help ponies from repeating her mistakes, can be a bit loud at times but not out of malice, business minded but isn't above having some fun.
Okay, maybe Princess Luna is a bit much being a goddess after all, let's try another pony how about Big Mac.
Big Mac:
Strong, silent most of the time, when he speaks has profound thoughts on a situation, friendly towards others, willing to assist both his family and anypony who asks him, kind but also fair, isn't afraid to criticize odd decisions or behavior made and done by his sisters, and apparently eye candy for every mare in Ponyville.
Now let's look at Merry May:
Devoted to serving Applejack almost to the point of zealotry, can be rude at times, not very loyal, kind when she feels like it, friendly....
Feel free to play it yourself and try it on other characters, in other stories as well as this one, to see how they hold up; however my point is when comparing her to two other characters one a major character and the other a minor character, why am I more interested in Big Mac as a character as opposed to her. At this point, we've been with Merry May for nearly seven chapters (combing the past story with the current one) and thus far I'm no closer to caring about her now than I was in the previous story. In the previous story she was little more than a secondary character, she wasn't around too much until the very end. In this one, she's pushed to the fore front as a main character and not much has happened with her. Sure she lost her job and got a verbal beating from Rainbow Dash, but those things are results of her actions in the previous one not this one. They have merit yes, but not as much as if she were to build a statue of AJ out of solid gold and find the Cult of Mara.
Overall, her character hasn't changed very much. I could replace her character with a pony like Diamond Tiara and not much would change other than her being a little more prone to subtitle bullying towards three fillies who are lacking their cutie marks. Not much has happened to Merry May and a lot of opportunity has been wasted for us to understand her or see her grow. For example, in the part where Apple Bloom is going to school why doesn't she stick around and wait for Apple Bloom, or seeing her distress try to comfort her and get to the bottom of what happened to her. That would have made for a huge character growth moment as we learn more about May, how she handles her new job, and how she feels about the rest of AJ's family. Why are we four chapters in and there's more things happening to Twilight Sparkle than our latest protagonist? What is she here for and why should I be caring what happens to her? If her character, however, is supposed to be like Nick Caraway, then why make it seem like she's going to be important later down the road? You bothered to take a once secondary character, give the impression that they are now primary, then do practically nothing with them. I don't care more about her in fact, I actually care less about her; especially with how she treats AJ during dinner time two chapters ago. AJ said dinnertime is family time, not business time and Merry May decides to show the greatest disrespect by going against her princess, her host's decision by saying that since she's not family so she take care of it. Then as an added bonus steal some of AJ's money, and then not tell her about the incoming money bag before it hits the table despite having more than enough time to do so. To top it all off when May finally tells AJ about this, instead of getting punished she's rewarded and made the seneschal. This might just be a personal or cultural thing but where I come from her actions at the dinner table would have earned her a polite asking to leave before things got ugly for her. Applejack opened her home, her family, and her table to her. She treated May like one of her own and how does May repay her; by directly saying she isn't family and going off to do work. She does this at AJ's table and in front of her entire family. She blatantly disrespects AJ in front of her whole family and AJ does nothing about it. This did more to infuriate me and hate Merry May than her leaving Luna tied to a rock in the desert. AJ must be getting soft because she wouldn't even stand for Luna trying help her much less ignore her rules but she let's May have this kind of freedom? I apologize for the rant but this is a sticking point for me when authors and other writers take a secondary character, make them or give the impression of making them a primary character, then do nothing with them. Why bother making me suddenly care about this new character only to have them fade into the background again after only just meeting them? Why not insert background character number 247 instead of this new character; because it's the same thing if they are there or not there.
Ultimately, Merry May's character is a mystery to me; which is unfortunate because there's potential here for her to be a good solid character. The problem is that the window to making me care has more or less past and now its going to be an uphill climb to make me care about her character beyond the fact that she exists and is somehow important to the story. I'm not suggesting push her to be in every scene (because we all know how that worked for jar-jar) but I am suggesting that she be more active in progressing the plot beyond being an over glorified gopher.
Man was this long. Sorry for the long wall of text. I think I'm running out of boxes now. Okay new challenge for myself, keep comments waaaaay shorter from now on.
Edit: I removed the cutie part from in between the three and fillies. Boy that would have sounded awkward.
That was a gneiss chapter
2022554 Ah, well, to be fair, I have noticed that my words per day has dropped by 200 from Appletheosis. I'm working on it.
2022789 You do me a great flattery, sir! I am humbled by your praise.
2022897 Yes, see above for info on exactly how much longer. Maybe I should re-shorten the chapters...
2022918 Delicious. It tastes like victory.
2023029 Haha, I would agree with your philosophy entirely, but I over-think things.
2023084 Ok, I will answer as completely and concisely as possible.
A1 Power is no problem for Applejack in any field. The difficulty she has is with finesse in Unicorn magic. While the spell Twilight used is earth related, it is not Earth Pony magic. Earth Pony magic would involve cairns or pickaxes or something. Gneiss actually is a much harder rock to metamorphosize than slate, and is, in fact, what shale becomes instead when there is too much pressure in the environment. If anything, it's a further testament to Applejack's power that she was able to convert it. The stone was carefully chosen, the pun was just a gneiss throwaway joke...
If you were instead referring to her working up a lather, note that I specifically stated that she was trying NOT to use her earth magic, and complete the task on brute physical strength alone as a challenge. If you were instead referring to the boards sprouting beneath her when she meditated, well, it's also been established that she kinda leaks a bit.
A2 In the show, Celestia mentions that the failure of Discord's prison was not due to a couple of fillies fighting, but rather to the final severing of the Royal Sisters from the Elements of Harmony. Honestly, considering the most recent episode, Keep Calm and Flutter on, it seems more like getting the three fillies to fight was simply Discord testing the weakening walls of his prison. I... Don't actually recall stating in the fic that chaos near Discord would release him... If it is in fact there, would you mind pointing it out to me?
A3 Because there are guns (referred to) and a branching military (actually shown) in the show. Simple as that. I just added a branch or two. It can show up or not show up as I will it. Chekhov was somewhat overzealous in his famous axiom. Any detail that can add color to and believably advance the plot is useful, even if it only shows up once. Are you going to complain if that Alfalfa Smoothie fades into the background and is never heard from again?
A4 Um. She runs a library. Any place of business has busy times. Maybe I could have been more explicit about that, but it's not really an important point.
A5 Because at this point House is much, much more intimidated of Princess Mara than Merry is of Applejack.
As to your final, somewhat vehemently expressed point, I must put on my Doylist hat to answer you: Characterization is HARD.
I am an amateur. Let me say that first and always. I write pony to practice. This is my second piece of long-form fiction ever. It's wonderful training wheels for a developing author, because I already have strongly characterized actors to choose from. If I find myself losing the thread of what makes Applejack Applejack, or Rarity Rarity, I can simply watch an episode or two until I have it back. Merry's characterization is from whole cloth, and not based on any prior character. The little scene in Sugarcube corner actually took a large majority of my time writing this chapter. While I have written little stories and role-plays quite frequently besides this, and can develop original characters fairly well, the problem comes with how comparatively well-formed AJ is to Merry. It's similar to how Rainbow Dash rarely does anything useful in my stories. I have little respect for the character and motivational makeup of RD, and find her shallow and uninteresting, therefore, she gets overshadowed by characters whose personality is more fully formed, such as Rarity.
While I do have a fairly good idea in my mind of who Merry is, it is hard for me to express her alongside the raw dynamism of Applejack, who overshadows her physically and metaphorically. I'm striving to correct that, but it is tricky, and there are things I need to happen first, that Applejack must do, in order for there to be a problem that Merry can tackle. All I ask is that you stay with me. Merry has shown growth, and readers have noticed it, but I ask that you also be patient with my growth as an author. In addition, I have noticed this with Appletheosis, you are along for the ride, which means that you have to wait, perceptually, a lot longer to see character resolution. Things that seem gratingly slow to you now, will feel frustratingly swift later. Besides, with what I have laid out, without vainglorious padding, Service is going to be much longer than Appletheosis.
As to table manners, that is actually an important part of Merry's growth. She is willing to slightly defy her goddess in order to truly benefit her. The money delivery thing was an honest mistake on her part, and the money was taken in good faith to be used for advancing Applejack's cause. As proof, she showed scrupulous accountancy of it when she used it for a tangential purpose. A person you can trust with a million dollars is fairly unimpressive. A person you can trust with five bucks is worth his weight in gold.
Finally, thank you kindly for your excellent review. Even if I seem to argue with every point, it's simply because I am actually arguing that same point with myself.
2023477 You do know your comment's a little slate? I kid.
2023488 That's all you got? I was expecting something grand... what a gyprock
2023488
Shortening is bad, things are very good as they are, best to take long and do right
2023503 Shale I continue? Quartz odd about your demand is how Tuff it is for you to cast Skarn upon my wordplay. I'm so Ganister, you can't compete with the Coal puns I'm dropping both near and far a-Feldspar. You gotta straighten up and Phyllite, man. I'm so Clastic that I make Mozart look like he was jumpin' on my bandwagon. So, no need to count the Scoria, I'm gonna Breccia records and Chalk up another win for me.
2023547 Well played sir, I hope this doesn't muddy the waters between us. I'd hate to think I was on rocky ground with you.