Lightning Flash, the colt of Blue Thunder and Rainbow Dash, is on a routine overseas delivery to the Griffin empire. During a freak storm, he crash lands on an island and breaks his wing. He needs to make a splint and find food and shelter. But first he needs to survive the night.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Here's the first chapter. Enjoy and leave comments.
GRRRRRRR
GOING TO KILL COMPUTER. Just exited out of browser by itself right before i clicked save button on second chapter. Sorry but must re-write half of second chapter. I WILL NOT GIVE UP.
ok. Got the second chapter re-written. I have to say that although i'm having fun writing this, I like writing romance much better. My next project will be a soarindash or a derpydash. Or maybe a spitfiredash. I have ideas for all three.
Third chapter is done
. Writters block sets in
. Need ideas to fill the gap between ch.3 and the ending
.
Love it so far but i will give some advise
In the first paragraph you used route a bit too much, try to limit words that aren't needed in many sentences (like and or its). Try to watch your spelling and grammar and with multiple speech you dont do them in the same paragraph EG
Flash shrugs. "Maybe it's just a small storm that broke off the main one." Five minutes later they they enter the first clouds and get their answer. It wasn't. Flash has to yell over the building wind and rain. "IT MUST HAVE BEEN WARMER THEN THE WEATHER PEGASI THOUGHT. THIS STORM IS OUT OF CONTROL."
When it should be
Flash shrugs. "Maybe it's just a small storm that broke off the main one." Five minutes later they they enter the first clouds and get their answer. It wasn't. Flash has to yell over the building wind and rain.
"IT MUST HAVE BEEN WARMER THEN THE WEATHER PEGASI THOUGHT. THIS STORM IS OUT OF CONTROL."
But apart from that its fine
1794087 Thanks, I'll look into that. Have you real all three chapters?
Hey, I know that island in the cover pic!
1794132 you do? LOL what island is it?
1794133 I think it's Cacaui, a Midway island.
1794138 Cool. I like Midway. I chose it because it looked the best for this story.
1794153
Like always your writing skills amaze me
because im looking forward to a finished chapter
Only several spelling mistakes like creacher, it creature. And a few basic grammar errors, mostly commas but nothing ever the best of us dont do. I'll enjoy reading the next chapter and i hope you break your writers block dude
1799452 FRICKEN WRITERS BLOCK, I can't think of what he does after building a shelter. I want to fill up at least a month before the ..... NO I WON'T REVEAL THE ENDING. But i will say that he doesn't die....... yet....... if at all........ ooooooo whats going to happen i'm not telling.
Anyone have any ideas for filler. Maybe an adventure or something........ WOOT INSPIRATION STRIKES AGAIN. Still want to hear any ideas.
1799452 WORK HAD BEGUN ON THE FOURTH CHAPTER. I have work soon so wont complete until tonight or tomorrow. I STILL NEED IDEAS FOR MORE FILLER.
Id give u some but since u wont let on about the ending
i dont know if my idea would work.
Ps. Sorry for big delays, was at sea cadets tonight and other day i was at martial arts
Pps eleven more days till christmas
1800834 I shale pm you the ending.
Woo!
As a rating so far this is what ill give it ...
1803375 ok totally off topic but OMFG RAINBOW DASH GOT ACCEPTED INTO WONDERBOLTS TRAINING CAMP. Lightning Dust got what she deserved.
I know! I bet she'll become a wonderbolt in next episode or two!
Ps. How do u reply to comments cos since Fimfiction updated itself i dont know how
Pps six more days till the end of the world!!!!!!!!!!
1804298 In the top right of the comment box there is a hidden reply button. It should appear when you hover the mouse near it.
1804305
Found it though i used my phone
1804368 The new episode has inspired me to do my Spitfire and ??????? ship story. Ill let you know as soon as it's up.
1804374
Cant wait to read