Somepony gets drunk, reveals their feelings, and get's rejected. Now It's up to Rainbow Dash to fix the damage she has caused. Can she find her feelings or will she be stuck with a friend that hates her?
Chapters (2)
Blue Thunder
Joined 29th Nov, 2012 ·
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WOOT. only took an hour to write this. Don't know why Twidash just flows from me so easily, but who's complaining.
SECOND CHAPTER IS DONE.
Wait... three downvotes already and no comments? whats going on?
You might want to have another read through the story. There are some pretty basic mistakes that detract from the reading, such as:
Doubt, especially, alcohol. Edit: Oh, I've just remembered. You don't put alcohol into cider. Cider is alcoholic by nature, and the alcohol itself is produced during the fermentation process. Unless, of course, Applejack is lacing the cider with ethanol once it's been produced.
Running it through a spell-checker, such as the ones on gdocs or Word, can be invaluable. Grammar aside, the story is a bit fast-paced. I think you could have spent more time developing each scene, such as describing the party in better detail instead of omitting the scene altogether. That said, the story does have potential. You just need to look for an editor and spend some more time on each chapter. Good luck with the rest of the story!
1809591 I ommited the party scene because it is not important to the story. The only reason i have a party at all is because Pinke and Fluttershy are leaving and it helps set the scene for the drunk twilight. Otherwise it would have been dificult to get Rainbow and Twilight alone with a barrel od spiked cider. As for the premiss that the cider in mlp is alcoholic, i'm going with the fact that they wouldn't put a long line of ponies waiting to buy an alcoholic beverage on the show.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120131235233/mlp/images/thumb/8/8a/Waiting_in_line_for_cider_1_S2E15.png/320px-Waiting_in_line_for_cider_1_S2E15.png
With an underage filly selling it as well.
PS. i fixed the errors. My spell check didn't catch them but that is remedied as well.
(Joke) Alt. Title: A Drop Of Moonshine (Just Not By Pen Stroke)
no response from 1809591?? how strange.
usually people try to argue with my logic XD
?? Three favors and no up votes? Im good with just fave's
there are a lot of grammar issues here...
URGH, i hate it when people downvote but don't comment, like they expect me to know what they don't like about it.
The only thing I have so far is bad grammar and it's to fast paced for some. There's only so much I can do with that.
1810032
I know dude. Well, now lets have a delve into the depths of this story
Right then. You've put in several spelling errors which my good
enemyi mean friend, sierra_seven_ has kindly pointed out. And some of the occasional grammar errors but to be honest, i dont see why people are getting so worked up over it, you cant really avoid these things can you.1809591
Really?...just...really? My little pony is a KIDS show, y'know, those people that are smaller and younger than adults. Would they promote drinking in a KIDS program and have a child, like blue thunder said, selling it
1810538 He hasn't answered although I know he's been on. I shall ignore untill such time as he answers
1809591 You also have to remember that this is the show that kicked Derpy off because some parents didn't like her. Do you really think they would risk getting shut down for alcohol reference?
Ha! I loved how you made a joke of Rainbow Dash's mane being rainbow like the homosexual flag in a homosexual story, it cracked me up
No real spelling errors and slight grammar mistakes and misses but nothing anyone should worry about.
Unrelated= im gonna PM you the password so you can openly edit it if you want because you seem to know what your doing
1810577 Rodger that
O cool, up to six up-votes. As long as someone out there likes the story, it's totally worth all the haters down-voting.
You both realise that Sierra is completely right, don't you? It's just that My Little Pony doesn't care to clarify whether their cider is alcoholic. However, judging by some of the reactions ponies have when drinking it (namely, Pinkie and Cheerilee), it would t be too much of a stretch to assume that it could be. The creators of the show love putting in little jokes that younger children couldn't understand after all.
1810631 I understand.
How about this then. I consider cider non alcoholic, unless spiked, which is why i said "Considering how much alcohol Applejack puts in her cider." I refuse to believe that they would sell alcohol publicly like they did where any filly or colt could walk up and sneak some. It is my belief that, like so many other things, apples are not alcoholic when made into cider in Equestria. Just like the clouds don't move by themselves and the animals don't take care of themselves. Not trying to be rude just stopping an argument before it starts and stating my personal opinion.
1809618 Random plot device? Sounds brilliant! A party for the sake of having a party, then suddenly Twilight and Rainbow get drunk. Y'know, I can think of several ways you could set the story up without having to use a simple plot device like that. If you're going to be omitting things because they're not important to the story, why write them in the first place? Why not try to write it in a manner that makes it part of the story, instead of having a scene just for the sake of advancing the storyline.
So what's cider without the alcohol? Apple juice. Why would they name it cider if there wasn't the implication that it was, in some way, alcoholic? Secondly, you don't 'add alcohol' to cider to make it stronger. That depends on the method in which it is brewed, and the method of fermentation.
Good point. Still, Faust said that the Mane 6 should be treated as adults, and the CMC should be treated as teenagers. You're claiming that you want the cider to be non-alcoholic when sold to the majority because that's how the show depicts it, but you're also shipping the Mane 6. There's nothing stopping you from making the MLPverse how you'd prefer to use it. Finally, spell-check might not be enough to catch all of the mistakes. You might want to find an editor somewhere, as a human eye is better than a machine for catching these mistakes.
As I've already said, the story has potential but I have some personal issues with the story, and that's why I'm not particularly fond of it. Still, good luck with the rest of it.
1809937 I haven't got notifications for any of your replies. I only got one when 1810538 posted.
1810538
Trust me, better people have tried to be my enemy. I found that comment to be quite cute, actually
Ok, explain to me why they called it cider instead of apple juice? Also, don't try to be patronising. It's not working. Faust has already explained that the Mane 6 are adults and the CMC are teenagers (roughly speaking). If you think Applejack specifically puts alcohol into the cider, explain how that'd work. All I did in my first post was explain the technical inaccuracies regarding 'adding alcohol' to cider, rather than the actual distillery process.
1810554
You've answered your own question here, mate. It is clearly referred to in the show as 'cider'. Clearly. As in, they actually say it. Now, is cider traditionally an alcoholic drink or a non-alcoholic drink? Secondly, the Apples explain that it's 'all the cider we've produced this year' when they run out. Cider has to be left for a long time before it's ready for drinking. Therefore, it's not apple juice.
1810600 I'm just going to leave this here:
1810631 That they do. And there are a few subtle indications that suggest it is alcoholic.
Look, I don't even see why we're discussing the plausibility of cider in Equestria. All I did was point out a technical inaccuracy in the fact that 'alcohol' can't be added to a drink to make it more alcoholic, unless Applejack is a chemist and has access to stocks of ethanol.
1810850 ok this is starting to get amusing. Where to start. First off everythng i say should be taken in a joking manner as my personal motto IS love and tolerance. When i called the downvoters haters i was making an inside joke.
As for the mane six being adults, i knew that although I never thought of the CMC as teenagers.
However the whole alcohol thing is moot due to this.
This is the premise of all my stories containing cider. It's just the way i write about cider.
As for not getting the notifications, I understand as I have had that problem as well. again i was joking when i said you were refusing to answer me.
This conversation is beginning to wear on my nerves and my 'tolerance', so please if there are any more questions, feel free to ask but i may not answer today.
1809591 If cider is always alcoholic, what am I buying at the store? Just asking.
1811464 Apparentaly your buying apple juice in a cider bottle. OOPS that wasn't very nice. Sorry about that 1810850
1811722 Can you be more specific? What do they do differently? It tastes totally different, texture is different, colouring, etc.
1811754
His words not mine.
It was a cruel joke against sierra_seven_
1811754 BTW congrats on being my 50th notification.
1811800 Thanks, I guess. I never counted. I would probably have gotten lost after 1000 something I have.
sp far so good you are a good writer keep this up and you'll go far.
1812765 Thanks.
Sketchy. Could use some more attention... Maybe an editor or two.
Insofar, story feels rushed and flat. Try to set the scene - as is, reader is told about many things, instead of realizing them by description.
1810850 Appologies for bringing up a dead topic but after reviewing the super speedy cider squezzy episode i have discovered the flaw in your alcoholic cider theroy. Normally you let cider sit and ferment to make it alcoholic. However in this episode the cider is made instantly and sold instantly by the flim flam brothers. The apple family cider is made and sold THE NEXT DAY. Which means it is Non-alcoholic cider. Check-mate
1811754>>1810850
Here are several quotes that explain the diffrence between applejuice and cider, and the diffrence between alcoholic and non-alcoholic cider.
There you have it. Please research your topics before starting an arguement. All this information can be found on wikipedia if you search apple cider. The diffrence between juice and cider is like the diffrence between orange juice with pulp and orange juice without pulp. If you try to argue that your from another part of the world where cider only means the alcoholic beverage, just don't. The show is made n America and therefore uses American terms. Cider in American terms is Non-alcoholic. HARD cider is the only american alcoholic cider.
i liked this story end of story
please continue this story i liked it all haters get out it's awesome i want more chapter thunder..............
It's a great story. Please continue to write it. The people who criticize it don't have to read it, but it's still a great story.
1923135>>1923562 will try to write more chaptors soon... omfg this is embarrising... can't remember what I wrote... gonna have to re-read my own story XD
Nice story, only one problem so far!
And that problem is: CLIFFHANGER!
So in other words... Moar??