The last Human

As the first and last town established by humans was destroyed by their own actions the last human stands alone with no one to trust .

Chapters (3)

The Fall of the Human · 21st Apr 2012 · 1,240 words
1,240
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Teach me Loyalty · 22nd Jan 2012 · 1,254 words
1,254
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Leader of the pack · 13th Aug 2012 · 1,574 words
1,574
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Comments ( 4 )

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Squarepony

Squarepony #1 · Jan 9th, 2012 · · · The Fall of the Human ·

nice story idea, but the writing can use some polishing, here are some tips:

I'd suggest you change the name Ocificap into something easier to read, it takes precious momentum out of the story.

also, try to make the sentences more flowing

for example, you wrote:

The bunny was angry as buck at me for making her friend get lost he keep making signals to me to go back for her but I ignored and went back to sleep, that night something felt wrong as if for the first time in a long time I actually felt sorry for the pony that had gotten lost In the maze and what broke me was the fact that I keep hearing her cry and shout “some pony help me pleas” repeatedly, I knew she wouldn’t last long down their since its extremely hot and out of air.

that is a very long sentence (with some errors). Try to make smaller sentences and use interpunction. also, try to keep the time in which your story is written consistent.

The bunny was angry as buck at me for making his(Angel Bunny is male) friend get lost. He kept making signals to me to go back for her, but I ignored him and went back to sleep. That night something felt wrong as if for the first time in a long time I actually felt sorry for the pony that had gotten lost In the maze. What truly broke me was the fact that I kept hearing her cry out for help (repeatedly isn't necessary). I knew she wouldn’t last long down there, the temperature was high and the air was thin.

also try to show instead of to tell. for this and other information, there are a number of guides online written by people far more skilled than me, for instance:

Equestria Daily: The Editors Omnibus
and
The Pony Writing Guide

i'd suggest to check the guides out and to keep writing
(wow, long comment)