CHAPTER 4
The diary of Celestia - 1
27th of Draconoques, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
Today, will be exactly 6 months since I have adopted Onyx. I’m really happy at how the things have become, everypony was more, curious than frightened by him... Strong Shield had advised me that a little group of ponies hate him and we should take care of them, but I’m sure he was worried over nothing. By the way I have found that Onyx will need something for cover his body. Unlike us Pony he does not have fur and his... stallionhood was not hidden like our stallions, maybe I should ask Silver Heart if she knows somepony who can make some clothes for him or something like that.
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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2nd of Unicornus, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
Today, was the day where I took Onyx to the Royal Cloth Shop. We had spend many hours trying to find and make something for the form of his body. I think we have spend around 4 or 5 hours just for determinate what we should make, I have nearly forgotten to raise the moon, but at the end of the day, we have found what kind of clothing to make for him, and his clothes will be ready next week.
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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9th of Unicornus, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
I had finally received the clothes for Onyx and he looks, just so cute in is black pajamas. All his clothes are made with pure black or gray, and with a little emblem of my cutie mark on his shoulder. I just find him so... I don’t know, he’s just so adorable! Maybe I’ll ask Silver Heart to bring her camera, I will never say it but, I will LOVE it when it’s time to take some pictures of Onyx.
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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27th of Unicornus, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
I don’t know why, but I found Strong Shield acting strange when he was close to Onyx, like if he found him... disgusting... No I think is more like if he found him dangerous... Maybe I should keep an open eye on him. Anyways, I had bought Onyx a little plushie of a phoenix, I’m sure he will love it, maybe I should wait for his birthday or Hearth’s Warming to give it to him. It can be a good gift... right?
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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1st of Crystalia, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
HE DOESN’T STOP CRYING!! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY, BUT I FOUND MYSELF FALLING ASLEEP DURING AN IMPORTANT MEETING BECAUSE OF HIS CRYING! IT KEPT ME UP, THREW THE WHOLE. BUCKING. NIGHT!
SIGNED
A REALLY ANGRY CELESTIA
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2nd of Crystalia, Year 980 after the NMM.
Dear Diary,
Today, Silver Heart had took Onyx to her house, so I will be able to FINALLY get some sleep, but... I’m still wondering why he was cry like that, since I had adopted him, he had cried about, 3 or 4 times, and each of those times lasted for around 3 minutes, not WHOLE hours!... Maybe I should use a detection spell on him.
Signed,
A really sleepy Celestia
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4th of Crystalia, Year 980 after the NMM
Dear Diary,
When I used my detection spell, I found out why he was crying all the time! It was because his tooth is coming out, so for the good of everypony in the castle, I have given him a anti-pain spell. Everypony will finally be able to sleep like a baby... or more like a tree.
Signed,
A really happy Celestia
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13th of Crystalia, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
I am really worried, I had discovered that this morning when I woke up Onyx, that he had a FANG! Not big one, but it’s still a fang! That means he can eat meat, which means he came from a predator species. I was trying to hide it with some magic before somepony else could see it, so I can give myself some time to think of what I should do next. But before I could finish the spell, Strong Shield had came into my room and was trying to tell me something, I don’t know what because, before he was able to say what he had wanted to say, he saw that Onyx had a fang and after that, he tried to persuade me that ‘He is dangerous.” and “We never should have taken care of him.”’
I had convinced him, that Griffins too eat meat and they are not a threat to us ponies, but I cannot convince him of the same with Onyx... I just wish that his species was a omnivore one and not carnivore... It will be too much, and too hard to try and convince the population that he’s harmless, if they found that out.
Signed,
A worried Celestia.
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25th of Crystalia, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
The tooth that Onyx had, finally finished growing up and hopefully, I had discovered with the form of his new tooth I would say he is a omnivore. That will help a lot with what I have planed for him later. I will only need to ask the Griffin Kingdom to send me some... meat when he will grown up, *shudder* I’ve been thinking, that maybe he doesn’t need meat, but because I know nothing about his species, maybe it will be dangerous for him NOT have some. Now I will go sleep, because today was a really hard day with the meeting I had.
Signed,
A unworried Celestia
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23rd of Hearth’s Warming, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary
I am so excited, in 2 days it will be the first Hearth’s Warming Day for Onyx! I have planned everything, first we will go to the annual spectacle of the creation of Equestria, then we will go to the dinning room, I have invited the family of Silver Heart, I have invited too Strong Shield but he wants to pass this time with his family. After we will all have eaten, we will go in the throne room where I have put all the gifts, for Onyx it will be the phoenix doll, for Silver it will be a dress that she wanted since the past few month, but cost too much high for her. For her husband, (who is a wonderful husband to her) it is 2 tickets for the next galloping gala, and finally for their son, it is a certificate that I will give him for gifted unicorns. The only thing that I will miss is my dear sister... I don’t know how hard it could be for her, to be alone on the moon on the Hearth’s Warming day.
Signed,
Princess Celestia.
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26th of Hearth’s Warming, 980 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
I had a most wonderful Hearth’s Warming Eve, I had gotten from the family of Silver a picture of me giving a bath to Onyx (I think she knows how I love this picture of Onyx and me). After the show, we all went to the dinning room, where we all shared laughs and fun. Then when I gave then my present, the Silver family were really happy. This was the first time, since I have banish my sister, that I got a good Hearth’s Warming Eve.
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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6th of Winterium, 981 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
IT FINALLY HAPPENED! Onyx had said his first word! At first I was starting to begin to worry, because he is 14 months old, but he have finally say it, we where at the park, I was reading a book called “How to Eat More Without The Fat Flank” and then he say it, he had said ‘CAKE!’. It was so wonderful, so I had taken him into the kitchen and I had asked the chef to make us a big cake with writing on the top of it, with the word ‘cake’. It was delicious.
Signed,
A full Celestia.
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24th of Alicornia, 981 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
Today is the birthday of Onyx, I had bought him a another plushie, but it was a plushie of a little tiger, it even makes a little squee when you press it’s belly. Onyx was looking really happy and we had invited his friends, Shadow Hearth, the foal of Silver hearth, and for the occasion I had made myself a cake. It was a little burnt, but it was still good.
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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13th of Gryflius, 985 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
Onyx has been with for 5 years now, 5 wonderful years of smiling, laughing and he has learnt so much. I have learned alot of things since these years I had him, first his kind walk on 2 legs, like the Diamond Dogs, and even if he likes the meat I give him, he can always eat vegetables and fruit like us, but he cannot eat plants, like hay, flower etc.. I have tried one time and he became sick for the next 4 day after that. I have discovered that his species don’t have cutie marks, so I guess when he will find out what he is good at, then we will just add a emblem of it on his clothes. Onyx started to get a little collection of plushies, he has 5 plushies for now; a phoenix, a tiger, a penguin, a pegasus, and the last one I give him was a little wolf. Strong Shield still has this strange look in his eyes when he saw him, but I think he just a little stressed.
Onyx and Shadow Hearth are always together and are always playing knight and dragon.
But I’m stressed, in less than 2 years I will need to send Onyx to school, with other ponies, but unlike us, he doesn’t have the ability to fly like Pegasus, he doesn’t have the magic of Unicorn, and he doesn’t have the strenght of a Earth pony. I have asked Strong Shield to train him a little but he had decline, saying that he is too young. I need to find a solution.
Signed,
A worried mother
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28th of Moon Festif, 986 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
Today I had a meeting with the ambassador of the Gryffin Empire. Nothing to worry about, but when we go out after the meeting, the ambassador had asked to meet Onyx, and I had accepted his request. I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling, he didn’t do anything wrong, he had just talked with him about how the Gryffin Empire works. But I’m worried, why the ambassador of the Gryffin would want to talk about that to my son.
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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25th of The Sun Festif, 987 Years after the NMM
Dear Diary,
In less than 1 week, School will start, and I need to add Onyx in one as one of the students there at the school in Canterlot. I cannot put him into the School for gifted Unicorns like his friend, Shadow Hearth because he does not have magic, the Flight School of Commander Hothead is for species who have wings... and Onyx can’t fly soooo.... The normal School of Earth, he can’t go in it because everypony there are really strong... I have only 2 other choices, The Royal School and the Inter-species School, for the first one, Onyx will not have trouble in it because he will be the only student but still, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. So the only one is the Inter-Species School, but I’m a little scared of this place... But I don’t have any other choice. I will talk about it with him tomorrow.
Signed,
Princess Celestia
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This chapter isn't bad, for this is wat I call a time skip chapter, as for your reasons on why this chapter is late, I have this to say: it's no problem, everyone has duties that they need to do; and in your second reason, you made a grammar mistake, the word should be find not found, because find means, that you need to find a new editor, while found means that you have found a new editor.
Find = need
Found = have.
Also, keep up the good work.
Looks really interesting, can't wait for the next chapter.
Awesome! Hope we get to learn more of Onyx's character soon.
It may not be your greatest, but for this story it's probably going to be the greatest for now.
i can edit, as some of my more accomplished writer friends can attest to.
i liked this chapter. the 4 year skip kinda threw me for a second, but i figure it out quick enough. sorry about the break-up, even if you probably don't need to hear that from someone you don't know. anyway, how about to get your mind of it you write more chapters(hint hint hint ).
i like it
in order for the reasons the chapter was late:
It'll be okay.... sometimes people just can't stay friends forever...
Yikes! Finding new editors can be a pain in the flank, but if you've already found one, congratulations.
I hear ya on that one sugarcube!
1976437
well i have FOUND a new editor too
1977061>>1977019
thank you all
1976522
thank but i have already found someone,
1976694
ha...ha...ha...
Bit of a filler chapter, but it does seem to be needed.
Real Life sucks, we have all been there.
1977922
each time i will skip some years i will do a chapter like that
Meh, I always interpreted the 'Earth pony magic' as the ability to work with plants and the earth really well, not that they are physically stronger than other animals, although they would be stronger than pegasi and unicorns due to their natural trade offs (trading off strength for flight and magic).
totally nothing wrong with timeskips. it would be incredibly boring to type (and read) all those 5 years of nothing really interesting happening. and i really hope Celestia adopting Onyx wont stop her from taking Twilight as a protege.
Do you think Onyx will eventually have the power to use magic?
I always theorized that ponies get magic from the land itself, since everything is so pure and clean, and that by breathing in the magic induced air it helps keeps them adapt at magic; since all ponies use some sort of magic.
Since Onyx wasn't born in Equestria but raised there it might take some time for him to have enough magical reserves for others to notice.
Maybe in a couple more years and he could use some basic levitation???
Just thinking here.
1980126
Do you really want an answer?
I am expecting Twilight and Onyx to meet. Twilight will then question his very existence and want to study him (As usual).
I HAVE SPOKEN.
Reminds me of My Little Dashie, but in reverse.
Grammar needs some work.
Shows promise.
1980231 No.... Surprise us. Even though I do like his reasoning.
You've probably already gotten a new editor at this point, but you should put in the time to get this chapter revised.
But it's still a good chapter, and it was a nice breath of freash air, in regards to how you wrote it.
1980126
I was thinking that he could end up being a very intelligent person, and study how the natural magic of the land works, as well as how unicorns use their horns to harness their own magic, as well as the magic in Equestria. This will lead him to discover that certain substances have extremely unique properties when it comes to magic, and he will learn about the magic leeching spell that Luna used on ponies to gain power to become Nightmare Moon. He will learn more, and eventually convince Celestia to enchant a gemstone (or something) with a passive magic-absorbing spell, and attach that to something that functions similar to a unicorn's horn. Then, just add a few spells to allow Onyx to telepathically communicate with it, and PRESTO! The first wand in Equestria!
Is ir Silver Heart and Shadow Heart or Silver Hearth and Shadow Hearth? I saw both spellings this chapter.
Not sure if accidental irony or intentional
Oh well. I don't mind the wait. We all...well most...okay some of us have lives apart from this. Celestia knows I don't.
Broke up with your GF did you?
Well, judging by your grammar, bearing in mind your nationality, I can tell you are within the age (15-) where love does not truly exist.
As I am a smart person, I can tell this was a long time ago. 16+ is really a decent age to start dating, as you have more responsibilities and it won't be a game to the sluts called 'Female Children'. The United Nations say that 18 and under are children, though I disagree.
Who signs their diary?
2003385 Dude, he's 18, and I'm 13. I know the author. He doesn't speak English as a primary language; thereby he isn't fluent, but is getting the hang of things. Just to clarify.
Forgive me if i'm wrong but, I can only picture you with a Russian accent.
*You had a run on sentence.
Should say "...for the last few months, but cost far too much for her to buy."
Should be Grand Galloping Gala. It is a proper noun, and you need to say (type) the whole thing.
I think this should say my school for gifted unicorns.
Also, Celestia is the princess of the BUCKING SUN!!! Surely she could hire a personal tutor to teach the one and only Prince of Equestria.
After NMM....after nightmare moon mooning?
2119345
NightMare Moon
I thought the OC ponies names were Silver Heart and Shadow Heart. Why were they changed to Hearth?
You've done a great job. As many have told, the grammar is a little bit off, but let that ever stop you. My grammar sucks too, and English is my first language. I'm glad people are focusing more on your story telling skills than your grammar. I hope that my readers will do the same, but it's a tough crowd. Onward to the next chapter than.
Interestingly enjoyable :D Simple grammar is good grammar. I especially liked the part when Celestia was pissed about Onyx crying all the time, lul (children can be unforgiving...). Keep it up!
Yay! My fist word was 'Cake' too! That's feakin' cool!
I really hope by next chater you've obtined an editor. Some of the grammar was absolutely cringe worthy
2715964
don'T worry, you are reading the no editing chapter, soon you will reach the chapter who have been edited
2003385 Judging by whatever eager you placed to wright this commentary, i place you in the age of 12-. Because that was totally unescesary and stupid..
wow time jump but thats ok don't want to spent too much time on the baby phase
Sorry, but the grammar is making it hard for me to follow sometimes... you still looking for that editor?
Onyx is Equestria's Spencer Elden. Elden was the naked baby featured on the cover of Nirvana's Nevermind; that album has sold over ten million copies, so you can imagine how many people have seen THAT.
Disregarding the grammar issues (I understand english isn't your first language) I am really noticing a lot of problems with this.
First thing to tick me off was the "do you like bananas" joke a few chapters back (Ch.2?). It was one of those references that only works in a story that's pure comedy or self-parody; it doesn't really belong in a story like this. For that matter, what was the purpose, besides being a reference? It was kind of OOC for Celestia to do something ridiculous like that unless it was a light joke, but here it was like an elaborate prank with no punchline.
That's my other main complaint, actually - Celestia is waaaaay OOC, especially in this chapter (Ch.4). She has the writing style and personality of a teenage tumblr user in her diary, which honestly would be more suited to Twilight Sparkle than her. Celestia is a nigh-immortal god-princess who rules a vast and diverse empire. Caps lock isn't her thing, nor is frustration. She always takes a formal, motherly approach to things - and not a young first-time mother, a wise old mother of god-knows-how-many who knows exactly how to deal with a situation and gets worried (but not angry) when she can't find a way to help whoever she's guiding.
Last thing I have a problem with is Strong Shield. I mean, wow. You couldn't get a villain more flat than this if you ran King Sombra under a steamroller. His personality boils down to "PRINCESS MAKE STUPID CHOICE, BABY MONSTER WILL KILL HER, ME ANGRY." He actually comes off as more jealous than concerned in the previous chapter (Ch.3), which makes no sense for someone in his position. If he's her most trusted guard, he should meet some prerequisites that she sets. He could only ever get to his position by being unwaveringly loyal and trustful of Celestia, being this much of a brat is pretty much an instant disqualifier.
The idea here is okay - in fact, it could be great. But it's presented badly - and not just in the grammar (which, again, I can forgive). I'm 4 chapters into this insanely long story and I already know where it's going - and I don't like it. I'd make more suggestions, but these chapters seem to be way too old and too important to the story to fix at this point. I'll check out the later chapters, but for now, I really can't give this any good rating. You have potential when it comes to plot ideas, but your execution is... well, it's not good.
2716324
So... When will you put edited version of this chapter?
2003385
Your baseless claims don't help this quote.
I almost became a grammar Nazi... The horror the horror c
Oh sure, IGNORE the advice of your CAPTAIN of the GUARD! that'll be a wonderful idea! (Large amount of sarcasm has been noted.)
Uh oh, my kidnap sense are tingling!
I have a feeling that Strong Shield will need a good stabbing before too long.
Did I mention that I hate biased pricks?
Nice way to make the story go faster.
I'm trying to over look it but the grammar is so bad.
5316988 Judging by the amount of likes on your comment, so does everybody else.
Love this part!