The night stars and full moon shone brightly through the open windows of Canterlot Palace’s Great Hall where four crowned ponies sat around a great circular stone table. Princess Celestia sat regal and imperious, her gaze cold and piercing as it darted between the three Princesses opposite her. “It seems,” she said slowly and deliberately, “we have a dilemma on our hooves.”
“Indeed,” nodded Luna. “a veritable quandary.”
Cadance ran a hoof through her mane. “Quite a pickle.”
“A problem,” Twilight smiled. “A vexation. A predicament, an impasse, a situation, a -“
“We get it,” the other three answered.
“The reality is this,” Celestia said, leaning forward on her hooves. “Twilight can’t keep wandering aimlessly around the palace with nothing to do. We got around the problem at her coronation by announcing her as 'Equestria’s newest Princess', but we never said precisely what she was Princess of.”
Twilight hopped and bounced in place, beaming and grinning. “I know! I know! I can be Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Magic!”
Celestia sighed and smiled. “No, my faithful st… er, Princess. Too corny.”
Twilight twisted her head and furrowed her brow. “Too… Too Alicorn-y?”
“Too Unicorn-y,” she responded. “Can’t have you being Princess of just a third of Equestria. And before you answer, yes, all ponies have magic, but good luck getting Pegasi and Earth Ponies to remember that.”
Sinking back onto her haunches, Twilight sat silent for long seconds before her eyes widened and she stood up, head held high and one hoof to her chest. “Then I can be Princess of Friendship!”
Cadance’s eyes narrowed and she glared pastel holes in the newest Princess at the table. “Get your hooves off it, Ladybug!” Twilight stepped back and opened her mouth to protest when Cadance cut her off. “Friendship’s too close to Love, and I can’t have you poaching titles and responsibilities from me. My Royal portfolio’s tight enough as it is.”
Luna leaned close to Twilight, whispering behind a raised hoof. “I have seen thy brother, her husband. Methinks her portfolio may be all about her that remains tight.”
Cadance glared across the table. “I heard that!”
Muzzle twitching, Twilight looked around the room. “Princess of Books?”
“No,” said Cadance.
“Research?”
“No,” said Celestia.
“Learning?”
“No,” said Luna.
Twilight paused. “Princess of Ponyville?”
“No!” shouted the other three.
Celestia rubbed her chin for a moment. “Perhaps Twilight could borrow a heavenly body, Luna." Cadance snorted and snickered until Celestia cut a withering glare at her. "As I was saying, could Twilight share in our sacred duties?”
Luna tapped a hoof to her chin for a moment. “A fine plan, Sister! I believe the Solar Orb would be a most fitting reward for her Royal service.”
"The sun?” Celestia raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “I don’t think that’s possible, or even appropriate.”
Smiling a toothy grin, Luna leaned in, hooves on the table. “Whysoever not, dear Sister? Surely there exists enough of thy sun to share with young Sparkle. After all, thy sun is vast and blotteth out the sky, much like the very selfsame sun adorning thy posterior.”
Celestia glared at the younger alicorn. “Funny, Lulu. And no, there’s no splitting up the Sun. I couldn’t share it if I wanted to. Princess Cadenza?”
“Don’t look at me,” Cadance protested, hooves raised. “The skies belong to you two. The only heavenly body I raise is Shining Armor’s - “
“LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!” shouted Twilight, hooves held to her ears.
Luna sat back, sighed heavily, and groaned, “Oh, fine. Twilight, thou mayest have…” She looked through open doors leading onto a sweeping balcony, eyes scanning the midnight sky. Finally she raised a hoof and pointed. “There. That one.”
“The moon? You’re giving me the moon?” Twilight’s eyes grew wide and watery as she trembled. “I - I can’t believe it! Thank you! Thank you, oh, Luna, I - “
Luna recoiled. “The moon? Dear heavens, no! Thou mayest have the star.”
“The.. The stars?” Twilight spluttered.
Luna rolled her eyes. “No, Little Spark. Just that one star. Epsilon Indi B, I believe. The tiny brown winky one, there below the Moon.”
“Ah, I see," Twilight grumbled. "Solving Starswirl’s final spell made me Princess of All Things Tiny, Brown, and Winky. No wonder he died friendless and batpoop crazy.” Rubbing her temple with a hoof, Twilight looked around. “Well, what, then? Princess of Change? Twilight is the time between Day and Night, the time of transitions and new beginnings. Change makes sense, if you think about it.”
Celestia exhaled overloudly as her ears fell flat. “Sorry, Queen Chrysalis has that one locked up.”
“But she’s a bug!” Twilight whined.
“And holey,” Cadance added.
“And greenish,” Luna offered.
“Exactly!” Celestia said, her ears perking up as she smiled beatifically. “Chrysalis may have been a holey traitorous greenish chitin-flanked bug-queen, but she’s still worshipped - well, venerated, hated, and feared, really - as the Dark Goddess of Change. Really, Twilight, Equestria’s had the same borders, equine sub-races, and political system for ten thousand years. When have you ever known ponies to willingly and happily embrace change?”
Twilight banged her head on the table, the repeated clangs from her star-jeweled crown echoing through the Great Hall. “Fine,” she growled, “just pick something.”
Three days later a Royal Herald blew his trumpet and announced grandly, “Dusk Court is now in session! All hail the presence of Her Majesty, Princess Twilight Sparkle!” As the sun set behind Canterlot Mountain, he turned to a little unicorn filly waiting in the entryway, her beaming parents waving enthusiastically nearby. “Petitioner, you may approach the Amethyst Throne.”
Twilight smiled as the diminutive pony cantered forward, cradling a wiggling russet puppy in her flickering magic. “P… Princess T… Twilight?” the filly stammered, “Will you bless my new puppy dog? I even named him in your honor, ma’am!” She grinned and held the tiny critter aloft. “I’m going to call him Little Winky.”
This is an APril Fool's Day joke? I totally missed that!
It IS hilarious, though.
*Sigh* We all do twilight..we all do..
I must confess, when I read "tiny, brown, and winky", my mind went straight to the gutter. Glad to see you didn't take it there.
April Fool's or not, THAT was brilliant. XD
I was going to say about how Twilight got a totally raw deal here... then I remember just what 'moon' she can claim as hers!
I hearby submit an invoice for one pair of sides.
Reason: Destroyed due to excessive mirth.
Please remit payment no later than 4:01PM, 4/1/13.
Thank you and have a pleasant day.
I died. I absolutely died.
BOOM.
I mean goddamn I laughed at that for ten solid minutes. I love this fic
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It was taken there. It is meant to make you think of an anus, that was the ENTIRE point. It just wasn't explicitly stated because coming right out and saying it ruins the joke. You have to wait until the story's over to make mention of it.
ha!
For some reason, I can see Twilight smiling at that little filly with all the warmth and majesty she learnt from Celestia whilst her eye twitches suspiciously. It was the first of a long series of inadvertent humiliations that Twilight would suffer when dealing with the Court - the one job that Celestia and Luna really didn't want to have.
Seriously, I think that, if Cadence is unwilling to let Twilight be Princess of Friendship, perhaps she should be Princess of Harmony, being the only immortal Bearer of one of the Elements as well as the leader of the current band of Bearers and having spent a long time learning the true nature of harmony (or friendship, as it is coequally know), she'd be perfect for the role.
And so, Twilight got trolled, times three!:trolluna::trolcadance:
I sense that you might not like Cadence much. Just a feeling.
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Well, it was handled subtley enough that I didn't get that it was intentional, so that's all good. I think I meant more that you didn't state it out loud, which was good. Something like that.
Oh oh princess of Harmony. after all she is the main center ofthe Elements of Harmony.
Words .... Words just can not express how awesome you are ...
Right, another one that shouldn't be in the story continuity in the name of the first day of a month, shame.
Commence read.
Nice title there Twilight.
Am I the only one with a severely disturbed mind that went waaaayyyyyy too far south with this? (Luna's posterior)
I wouldn't count on this gold membership thing lasting the day. I for one shall hoard the gold like Goldfinger.
I nearly died in public at Luna's line about Shining Armor.
"The only body I ever rise is Shining Armor's-"
"LALALALALA!"
DEAD.
Hooray Gold Accounts!
Also... Keep them coming. These are good.
~Skeeter The Lurker
*reads chapter*
*is confused the whole way through*
*reads Author's notes*
Celestia bucking damn it all to Tartarus, I hate April Fool's Day
Will I sound like an idiot if I ask what a gold account does?
Reads notes, thank Celestia and Luna that this is an April fool's day joke. I would have been pissed if this was cannon. No I do see Twilight as the princess of Magic if anything, I mean she does bear the Element of Magic. I also don't see Cadance having problems with Twilight being princess of Friendship, there is a fair difference between romantic love and friendship. So yeah, thankfully I don't have to hate you now.
Celestial toilet humor.
This is the only emote I think appropriate here.
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
If I were Twilight, I would probably be taking a bone-saw to my wings right about now. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
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LA LA LA LA LA!
This update is hilarious.
All about Cadence that remains tight, indeed.
2358402 Nothing! Absolutely nothing.
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For the record, canonically in the Luna's Librarian universe - this actually happened. Of course it was just the other Princesses trolling Twilight. It was their version of a "Welcome to the Princess Club" hazing stunt. In the canon MLP:FIM episodes we've seen Celestia and Luna play jokes, so I can't imagine they'd let Twilight get away without a good ribbing. I'm imagining that Equestria has something akin to April Fools Day, hence "April Foals' Day". Followup scene: after several more "petitioners" like the first one, Twilight hears the other Princesses cackling, snickering, and guffawing from around the corner. Having lived around Pinkie for a couple of years, she decides the best way to deal with a prank is to roll with it. Shenanigans ensue.
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...And some of this is Luna and Celestia ribbing Cadance now that the Sparkle family line has produced two Royals, both of them now happily married. I actually like Cadance! Remember, she's in on this too, but compared to Luna and Celestia, she's still the second-newest kid on the block.
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Correct! Glad I didn't have to spell it out. Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink, Say No More...
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Luna is best saucy snarky princess! And there's no way she'll let Twilight forget it.
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Glad you liked it! I'll deal with Season 4 when it happens.
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Thanks! Hope this was a fun one.
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You bet it was!
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Hazing, huh? Still don't like it, it's demeaning, *shrug*
That wasn't what confused me though. What confused me is that in the last chapter (which I'm assuming this is chronologically set after) Twilight seems to already have her throne and title. This chapter seems like it should come before the last one in the timeline, at least to me. Then I saw "April Fools" and thought "Oh, ok, not official" Now you say it is official which makes me confused again
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Nods as good as a wink to blind bat. Know what I mean, know what I mean?
I'm assuming this was a big Discord's Day (April Fool's) prank by the other 3 princesses
This was almost impossibly funny, I can almost imagine this kind of exchange happening ALL THE TIME.
This is probably my favorite line, mostly because I'm really tired right now so it took me like a full minute to get this. I damn near fell out of my chair laughing.
What's with the Changeling hate? For that matter: just because they have wings that resemble bug wings, that doesn't make them bugs. They are much more like ponies that most Equstrians will admit. Their magic is stronger than most unicorns ya know. Anyway, this was funny, and if she went to her marriage bed a virgin you can call her as loose as you want and your just saying she gets more sex than you. So jokes on Luna and Twilight I guess.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkp2zvhjOF1qb59nf.jpg
LOL! Those jokes! *is lying on the ground from laughter* Poor Twilight though. *hugs her*
PS: Kudos for that Chrysalis cameo^^
I feel bad for Twilight...
I loved it. Especially the explanation that it is actually cannon, just that they're trolling twilight
The jokes were perfect, too.
A update!
I love the idea! It's pretty interesting that Cadance stood against Twilight becoming Princess of Friendship.
Wellm this section is hilarious and well-written as well!
Love it! Thank you sir!
It would have made much more sense for her to be the princess of the dawn and evening *ahem* twilight *ahem*
Haha, very funny, refusing to give Twilight tittle as princess of friendship or princess of magic, Luna generously offer her a tiny star, Twilight Dusk court not being taken seriously.
Was that suppose to be a joke ? 0:39
Because I am not laughing.
This chapter is just priceless!
Hilarious..
she should be called princess limpy after the poison joke incident.
I'd always thought she might take role a Princess of Destiny.
What with her having learned the cutie mark spell, and her part in predicting Nightmare's arrival, she might act as an oracle of sorts, having insight or perhaps jurisdiction of the destiny of certain individuals, maybe being able to see what cutie marks ponies may receive.
Little Winky. I've got to admit, I'd love to see her friends calling her that. Please, let Luna tell them about that.
Why. Can't stop laughing after reading that. Little Winky. Bwhahahahaha!
Took me ten minutes to stop laughing.