In a quiet country garden in sleepy Ponyville, somewhat off the beaten path and as far distant as it was possible to be from the Golden Oak Library without leaving town, the swaying willows gave shade to a gathering of four friends.
A white-furred unicorn sipped jauntily from a frosty drink, further shaded by the latest in springtime hat fashion. “Girls, my beloved little Spikey-Wikey has assured me that our librarian friend is out of town and will remain so for a few days, and so I’ve gathered us here to discuss a matter most urgent, pertaining directly to our beloved Twilight.” Draining her mint julep somewhat further, she leaned into the circle of ponies, all of whom leaned in conspiratorially, hanging on her every word. She continued with a manic grin, “I have it on good authority that Miss Sparkle has taken a lover!”
The three ponies leaned back from her, exchanging deadly serious glances before breaking out into snorts and snickers. Rarity seemed disquieted. “I thought this tidbit was exclusive gossip! Straight from the highest levels of the Canterlot rumor mills! I called us here to put our heads together, hoping we could divine the identity of her paramour.” Her companions stifled their laughs and broke out into knowing grins. “But… I thought it sounded so romantic! Like something out of a novel - that we, her dear friends, would subtly help poor naive Twilight find - or keep, as it were - her special somepony.” Her expression drooped with disappointment. “Do you know something I don’t?”
“Sugarlove,” began Applejack with a smile as wide as her Stetson hat, “Twi don't need no help findin’ romantic companionship. You remember that whole mess with her ‘Need ‘em, Want ‘em’ spell, or whatever it was?” Rarity nodded weakly. “Well, turns out mah brother Macintosh kept Twilight’s old Smarty Pants doll after the whole shindig was over. He thought it’d be a good excuse to introduce himself to our lavender friend." She removed her trademark hat, running a hoof through her hay-blond mane. “Mac musta’ been right, cause Twi came to get her doll back that weekend. He told me not to use the South Barn that day, and from what ah could tell, he was… erm,” and she blushed redder than her cutie mark, “I guess you could say he was givin’ Twi a lot more than Smarty Pants.”
“No! Twilight and Big Macintosh?” Rarity gasped. “I had no idea! How has she kept it hidden all this time?”
“Well, she hasn’t. Ah reckon they, um, gave Smarty Pants back and forth for a couple of weeks, then decided they’d had enough. Ah asked him who got the doll in the end, and the big galoot never would say.”
“So Twilight’s mystery lover wasn’t in Canterlot after all,” sighed the fashionista as she finished her drink.
“Oh, but she is! And she is! They both are! And they’re both she’s!” piped in the effervescent pink earth pony.
Rarity was nonplussed. “Wait - Twilight has another lover? And it’s a mare?”
“Well, duh, unless somehow we got ruled by Prince Celestia!”
“Wait - the… the Princess?”
“Sure as I’m the permanent party pony! After the whole exiling her wittle sister Woona to the moon for a thousand years thing, and not helping stop Nightmare Moon, and almost letting Discord turn Equestria into a big chocolate-rain mudpuddle, and getting caught chipmunking the Royal Cheeks with scrumptious cake,” and even Pinkie Pie needed to breathe once in a while, “after all that, apparently Princess Celestia needing some cuddling and comfies to feel better. If the castle chefs are right, boy, did those two go through a lot of icing getting to the feeling better part! I think she’s still there, because I tried to throw a Party For Two for them, and Luna shooed me away, saying Twi and Princess Celestia had the whole 'Party For Two With the Doors Locked and the Shades Drawn' all in hoof.”
Sounds almost like words came from Rarity’s mouth, but intelligible phrases were not among them. She began to swoon visibly.
Fluttershy’s meek voice strained to be heard. “Well, um, technically it’s her second Princess, if you count Nightmare Night.” Everyone turned to face her, curiosity widening their eyes. “Oh... after the Nightmare Night parties were over, Luna walked Twilight back to the library to thank her for teaching her about friendship and fun. Twilight invited her inside, and, um, well, my birdy friends said they couldn’t sleep in the Library's tree branches that night because Luna was, er, thanking Twilight a lot. All night. Mister Squirrel said he never wanted to hear the word 'Huzzah!’ ever again.”
Moments later a dull grassy thud signaled Rarity’s merciful unconsciousness.
A deft popping sound signaled the end of Twilight Sparkle’s invisibility spell. “Thanks for playing along, girls! Now that’s how you prank!”
Applejack donned her hat once more. “No problem, sugarcube. Ah did feel kinda’ bad, tellin’ them stories to Rarity like that. Element o’ Honesty and all, you know. Funny as all get-out to see, but ah still don’t like lyin’ like that.”
Twilight smiled as she walked merrily back to her library home. “Oh Applejack! I'm sorry I had to ask you and Pinkie to lie for me. Hopefully this will teach Rarity a lesson about gossiping, so thanks for playing along.”
“Well, that’s mighty kind o’ you, Twi, and.. wait, what? Just me an' Pinkie? You meant me an' Pinkie an' Fluttershy too, right, sugar? Uh, Twilight?”
Hahaha, nice. A cute little chapter here.
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Thanks! TwiLuna has gobs of cute potential.
Fluttershy wasn't lying?
....
Huzzah!
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Yeah, that was me trying to get into Rarity's dialogue and ending up having her come off more as a southern belle.
ahh... you almost disappointed me! but dat ending, good job :P
edit: talking about chapter1
The gossip-monger defeated! And in such a scary way!
Of course, behind every rumour there is a sliver of truth, isn't there?
hahahaha! that was awesome! the ending was especially juicy
this could go either way... meh, screw it. Good story bro.
Oh jeebus, if Twilight's not screwing around with that last part, then she and Luna have been gettin' wild!
If Twilight IS screwing around with that last part, that's some freakin' epic trollin' right there!
hahahaha awesome prank and yes you should never spread bull crap gossip about any pony but i like this so far keep it up
Applejack (Element of Honest) is a better liar than Twilight....
But Fluttershy did not lie!!!! Oh my..
Luna may be wild and feral.. to her sister's prized pupil..
GJ!
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Thanks. Huzzah!
this is a good story i was laughng my ass off all through the story, especially to the fluttershy paragraph. poor poor animals.
TwiLuna is best.
i.imgur.com/cNhRD.jpg
i.imgur.com/rFglO.jpg
i.imgur.com/GzTgB.jpg
i.imgur.com/ILRoo.jpg
Plenty more where those came from.
Brilliant. Bucking Brilliant.
THE BRILLIANT HAS BEEN DOUBLED!!
Ha, hilarious! Very, very well written, too. At first I thought "Oh great, this is one of those stupid stories," but obviously it turned out not to be! :D
Not so fond of the ending, though, becasue that would mean it is one of those stories, but at least I can play it off as yet another prank on Applejack and Pinkie, or something.
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oh god i laughed so hard i'm hyperventilating *inhale*
you beat me to it XD
Ha! Busted!
Ha! I read the last part and continued to scroll to comments, que a pause as I looked back up an re-read. . . had to give my brain time to process, then I loled. >.<
That was awesome!
Oooh mercy, my roomies had to tell me to quiet down as i was laughing so hard.
Glorious!
Wait, so was Luna yelling "Huzzah" as she and Twilight were going at it like bunnies, or was that at the end of the ravenous intercourse?
aw this is really funny and good
I was initially turned off from reading this because I dislike continuous one-shots, but you pull it off really well
props to your dash/spitfire story also. really convincing writing
1654145 I need to find that MLFW icon for huzzah!
it was perfect XD
"HUZZAH!"
I almost died. I'm gonna yell that next time...(winky face)
huzzah! loved this chapter....poor rarity....hehehe tooooo funny!and so the marathon begins......;)
"How many points do I receive!"
I'm sure I read this chapter before. Maybe it was once a oneshot or maybe I read this story before some time when I wasn't logged in so the tracker didn't mark it as read. Who can say? I can say I enjoyed it greatly both times.
This has been sitting in my read later for months. WHY DIDNT O READ IT SOOMER?!
“Well, that’s mighty kind o’ you, Twi, and.. wait, what? Just me an' Pinkie? You meant me an' Pinkie an' Fluttershy too, right, sugar? Uh, Twilight?”
Poor Fluttershy and her bird friends XD
Huzzah!
Huzzah! The fun doth hath been doubled!
3980261 I think the squirrel is more traumatized than any of the birds
Adorable and hilarious I loved it!
This was a great chapter, and merry Christmas!!! Oh one more thing, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
This mental image has me fucking dying.