A prince's duty
everyday since that night I have been thinking about Sweetie, and how she made me the stalion that I wanted to be. No matter how much I tried, I couldnt stop thinking about her. Not even long enough to notice somepony was watching me. Although every fiber of my being was telling me to look in the trees, I was on a mission, to get to Ponyville.
"Ugh, This is so boring, why would the ladies put me on look out duty?", a young colt named Dark Ninja said keeping his eye on me from the trees. Just doing the job he was given by his mother Nightmare Moon and the queen of changlings Queen Crysalis. But despite how hungry and bored he was he persisted and did his job.
I get to Ponyville with in 3 hours, then try to find the Belle's home. So i went to the only pony who would have knowledge on everything in Povyville, aunt Twilight! After asking her where the Belle home was, I went there because I got a letter from Sweetie saying to get there. By the rushness and slopyness of the writing I figured it was urgent.
Once I knocked on the door, the next part was predictable. Sweetie answered the door and hugged me. It was obvious she was scared but I wasnt sure what about, but she took me inside and her sister Rarity sat next to me, and once I sat down sweetie got into my arms, from fear and wanting to be in a colts arms, for the feeling of being protected.
"So you are the young colt my sister has been talking about?", Rarity asked giving me a once-over, and looking un-empressed, which is normal for some mares, "well whatever my sister sees in you, we need your help"
"What with?", I asked really confused about why they would need me. Not that I cared, because I had Sweetie on my lap, which made me happy. I was still curious about why they needed me though.
"Somepony is after my sister, we found this picture on the way back from Celestia's gala", Rarity saiding hoofing me a picture of sweetie with a red X over it and the word DIE under the X, "Prince Shining Armor Jr, I need you to protect my sister, in anyway possible. I dont want to loose her"
"Do you accept Jr?", Sweetie asked me with stars in her eyes.
"Yes, I accept Rarity and Sweetie", I said nodding and putting Sweetie down
"Good! Im trusting you Jr, dont let anypony or anything hurt my sister", Rarity said in a threatening voice.
"I wont Rarity, you have my word", I said as I stood up, a task on my hooves. My mission, to protect the one I love, and I accepted, but i didnt know what I would be getting into, but I knew, it would proove to Sweetie and Rarity I could be trusted. Now its time to find out that love is worth all the trouble.
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guys i apprecaite the constructive critisisum
but i dont give a buck about grammer 
and all i ask is that you cut me a little slack 
is that to much to ask?
you guys are mean
1617209
At the time of writing this comment, there are only 4 other comments aside from ours. Got a comment deleter over 'ere.
i delete the unwanted and un nessacary comments, if you have something to say pm me
1617237
"This, my little ponies, is called 'goofing'. On the internet, the act of 'goofing' is a serious matter and is often handled by vigilantes and bounty hunters. Any questions? Yes, Apple Bloom."
"Did he goof, Miss Cherilee?"
"Yes, Apple Bloom, he dun goofed."
1617237
If this comment is deleted, it will be sent again via PM. All I ask is that you read it first.
I think you misunderstand what the comment section is for. You see, this is a site for fanfiction. When someone produces content of any form, whether it be literature, imagery or music, they should want to better themselves at it. One of the best things about the internet is that a newbie can put their content out there, like you have done, and receive criticism.
Criticism is equally as important as practice. Criticism should be taken notice of by everyone, including you. That is what the comment section is for. People will speak their mind about a piece, and offer ways in which to improve it. These are not attacks on you, rather, this criticism is what helps you become a better writer.
If you say you delete 'unnecessary' and 'unwanted' comments, this tells the readers several things about you. 'Unnecessary' is blatantly incorrect. The comments are here to help you, and are every bit as necessary as they can possibly be. 'Unwanted' tells us that you simply ignore comments that you don't like. This is a very bad thing, and will only leave you open to more personal attacks. Again, these comments are here to help you. Currently, you are deleting the comments of the more mature people on this site, making you appear to be very immature.
You say in a previous comment that you appreciate constructive criticism, yet you blatantly disregard this claim by showing the epitome of ignorance, and that is the deletion of the criticism.
Another thing you should learn is that the internet can be a harsh place, but that doesn't make what we say any less true. Especially on a site like this, harsh reviews should be expected and welcomed, so that the next story you write is even better.
Also, another thing that everyone will tell you is that grammar is a very important aspect of literature. If you lack the ability to use grammar, spell, or form a coherent story, people will not 'cut you slack'. Criticising a poor grasp on grammar is simply a part of criticism. You cannot just ignore what everyone says and only listen to those who are giving you praise. This is egotistical, and I'm certain one of the episodes of the series we all watch has something to say on the subject. Listen to Twilight.
In closing, to clarify, criticism, whether it is harsh or not, should be listened to. Tuning out those who are trying to help you (albeit in their own way) only makes you appear to be immature. Listen to what the members of this site have to say, and some day you could be writing novels. You just need to take aboard the constructive criticism and one day you could be a respected author. Remember, all authors started somewhere, and they got to where they are today by listening to criticism. Remember, these are not attacks on you, they are help, even if they seem mean.
well in my opinion constructive critisisum is critisisum followed or following praise for what i did well
1617237
You are a comment deleter. This is a bad thing, and you should feel bad about it.
Those comments and reviews were there to point out mistakes you'd made, in the hopes of making you a better writer. They were not attacks, they were not insults, they were not haters. The fact that you deleted them makes you look like a whiny little child who can't handle criticism.
Too bad. Life is tough. If you refuse to hear criticism, if you refuse to recognize your mistakes so you can overcome them, you will always be a terrible writer and a bad person. You are stunting your own growth by putting your fingers in your ears and screaming.
I didn't downvote this before, despite all your mistakes. I am downvoting now, not because the story sucks (which it does), but because of your childish attitude. If you think I'm mean, too bad; I think you're a spoiled brat.
IM A PRINCE WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
1617470
Wrong. Constructive criticism is criticism that helps you grow. Patting you on the head and ignoring your mistakes is not constructive.
Example:
is praise, not criticism.
is not criticism; it's being a jerk.
is constructive criticism, because it points out the specific mistakes you're making so you can fix them.
Sweetie, you better try and hold me back
1617522
I expect you to behave like Prince Shining Armor, not Prince Blueblood.
WRONG SWEETIE! YOU ARENT MY SWEETIE
1617470
That's not an opinion, that is an incorrect fact. Proof.
1617572
"Thank goodness for that."
1617470
Way to be a child about this.
Constructive criticism is that which might be harsh but points out where you're weak and where you can improve.
It was pointed out, in more than one post, what you needed to do and what you should have changed. We gave you constructive criticism which is what you asked for but this is not what you wanted.
No, you want people to pat you on the head, say you're such a good boy, say you're handsome, strong, and a really good writer then give you a cookie and let you play outside. That's called pandering.
So here's the deal Skippy. Unless you want a train dropped on you, I'd recant what you just did.
1617572
Okay, I get it.
This isn't for the public. This is some schoolyard fantasy you've made for your pegasister girlfriend where you're a prince, she's going to be a princess and everybody lives happily ever after.
In the end your story will still suck.
1617636
If this is the case, then why post it to the interwebs where everyone can see it? Now, what was a supposedly heart-warming gift has turned into the author looking like an ass in front of everyone.
Nice job, bro. But on the bright side...hold on, gimme a sec...I got nothing.
1617470 That's even assuming you did anything well. I'm sure if there was a point about the story they enjoyed, it would have been mentioned somewhere in any of their reviews. Not that I can verify that, because you deleted it all, but...
By the way, I backed up this story in Notepad. This is perfect riff material, and if I know indignant badfic authors, it was a necessary measure before you rage-delete the story.
Arrgh! So we haves another comment deleter?
Har Har Har! Man th' cannons! We be sending this story to the briny deep!
1617470
This is the official definition of constructive criticism. You were vaguely correct about positiveness, but that's about it. Note that it says positive and negative comments. Overall, they should be friendly, or at least neutral. Also, as the TWE's Common Controversy Catcher, I can easily tell you that grammar is the single most important part of any written work. Nobody would read The Lord of the Rings if it had terrible spelling and sentence structure. The same rule applies to fanfictions.
-Winter Storm
TWE's Common Controversy Catcher
& Author Support Specialist
i.imgur.com/3lZia.png?1 book.fallout-equestria.com/forum/images/smilies/pixel_pony___littlepip_by_drakcel-d4g2kex.gif
1617592
Freakin' bookmarked.
1616844
Sadly, this is the kind of stuff FIMFiction has. Still, he can only improve if he listens. Besides, you'd love the story all the more if it was written to draw a picture in your mind, right?
We criticise to make the author better, and the author becomes better to write better stories that receive further criticism. This reiterates until an author can either no longer improve due to tiny errors that no one can catch, or it is simply beyond their ability to improve. Either state is where a writer truly becomes amazing, and makes art out of fanfiction.
1616765
We have every right to tell you your story is shit. You have no right to silence us.
This story was destined to end up here. The lackluster story itself coupled with the author's indignation at perfectly legitimate criticism?
google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=dGs&sa=N&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=fflb&biw=1600&bih=727&authuser=0&tbm=isch&tbnid=VWPqWXjcXCSawM:&imgrefurl=http://shoryuken.com/forum/index.php%3Fthreads/srk-lounge-if-they-made-a-movie-about-gd-id-get-jonah-hill-to-play-rockb.159075/&docid=JUOc8vIAgmvI2M&imgurl=http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-czx4hQPkEQQ/TdUZpEi0O7I/AAAAAAAACzQ/-XhTTdJTDnI/s400/malcolmX%2525252Bone.jpg&w=300&h=266&ei=zm2kUJrmBOPmygHH5YCYDw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=4&vpy=292&dur=914&hovh=211&hovw=238&tx=103&ty=112&sig=101537161729526969959&page=1&tbnh=148&tbnw=159&start=0&ndsp=39&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:0,i:101
Perfect candidate.
1616765
If you don't "give a buck" about your grammar, why should we "give a buck" about your story? Yes, giving you slack on grammar IS too much to ask.
You posted your story to a public webpage, one that provides tools for providing meaningful feedback to authors. From this fact I gather that you either want your story to be popular, or are seeking help in becoming a better author. People have been giving you advice on how you could write this story better, and you have tried to defend your story being perfect as is.
If you /really/ don't care about what other people think of your story... I'd suggest deleting it from fimfiction, and moving it to something like Google Docs.
1618645
*psst* broken image link.
You might wanna backpedal. FAST. I've seen what my fellow TWE will do. Not pretty. I'm going to leave now because it already upset me that you deleted my comment, but you better be careful.
1618686
I noticed that. Any idea why?
1618775
I'm using Chrome, and one of the right-click options is "Open Image in new Tab" which takes me to a Google image result page. Click the "Full Size Image" link on the right side of the page, and that takes you to the URL of the image itself. (If that's the image you want to use)
3.bp.blogspot.com/_Dm4sFu73cJo/R7w7nygVSVI/AAAAAAAAEwk/hTSKWnztgfA/s400/zzmx.jpg
Thanks.
1618824
*bows* You're welcome, and I'm glad I could help.
Listen to TWE. They're there to help you. And you really should care about grammar. Why would you not?
1617572>>1619230 Yeah, unlike me, those guys are here to help. I'm just a cockbite with a big voice machine and an adeptus mechanicus techpreist enginseer.
i dont care about grammer because i dont write much, unless if its for fun, grammer is good if its an assignment, but this is just a fun little project to me
1620463 That'd be fine if grammar was the only problem with it.
Wait, no, I take that back. It's still not fine. If you didn't intend to release this to a wider audience... well, first of all, you picked the wrong site to post it on, and second of all, now that it's here, the people reading it expect to be able to read it. You must realize how hard it is for anyone to make anything out when you don't even try to proofread your own damn work, fun project or no.
Huh. Comment deletion, allergic to grammar, rude to people who offer criticism and help... you're not acquainted with this asshole, are you?
Pro tip: we'd have been fine if you just said you didn't feel you needed the help they offered. The shitstorm you see above only happened because you picked the most dickish and disrespectful way of blowing your critics off. Comment deletion tends only to attract bile and hatred from those whose intentions WERE good, and I know I'd take it as a personal offense if you'd deleted one of my own lengthy, well thought-out comments (not that I posted here before the storm came).
If you're getting criticism and don't want to take their advice, just say "no, thank you." You piss less people off, it makes you look more mature, and the TWE backs away (except maybe the scattered few who don't note the comments before theirs and are late to the party).
1620463
Then why post this on a public website? Is it fun to publicly post a barely readable story, ask for criticism, receive said criticism, and then ignore and disrespect those who gave said criticism? I think you're in the wrong place.
Aw, all the funny comments from the other day are gone...
Oh, and the helpful ones
Really, though, comment deletion is among the worst things you can do, if not the worst. If you didn't want feedback and criticism, then why are you keeping it up on a public fanfiction site? And more importantly, if you didn't care, why did you delete comments?
HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SAY IT, IT WAS FOR FUN, AND I WANTED TO MAKE IT SO EVERYONE COULD READ IT REGAURDLESS OF IF THEY LIKED IT OR NOT!
1616765
You don't give a buck about grammar?! DUDE-- Not only is proper grammar standard for even the most basic forms of English, but is MANDATORY for writing! Period! Come on, now!
1622684
Read 1621000 this comment a bit more closely.
1622684
Alright then. If you're going to act like a child, then I'm done being nice. Now you're not only proving to be a bad writer, but you're proving to be a waste of time as well. Writing for fun is fine. But if you aren't going to care enough to use proper grammar, what makes you think people even WANT to read this story? You're wasting people's time with your shitty story and only contributing to the mass of awful stories on this site.
Let me be concise: you're on the fast-track to becoming a black-listed TWE author... and I've seen them, you fit the criteria.
Arrogance.
Willful ignorance.
Belligerent dissmissal of any opinion not in favour of yours.
The list goes on...
I implore you, accept the help offered before you subject yourself to more of the 'oh so meanie critics'.
1622684
You're a liar and a bad one at that.
If this truly was just for fun and you don't give a buck about grammar then you should have simply taken the comments that were posted and ignored them. But no, you had to go and delete all of then except for yours and your gf's. Then the shitstorm erupts and you get all defensive because of it. Now going as far as to shout.
So c'mon, let us all know why it is you really don't care. I'm sure it will be illuminating to everybody.
1622684
Whelp.
A bunch of people read it, whether they liked it or not.
A lot of people didn't like it, and some were nice enough to explain why.
So either dial back the anger, take the advice of others into consideration, or stop feeding the fire.
Well, it's good to know that you give your loved ones half-assed gifts.
Seriously, dude, there's never a good reason not to care about sounding like an intelligent human being, I'm sure your GF would appreciate someone who's literate.
If you don't want criticism, I recommend email as your best method of communication. Posting stuff on the bulletin board of the entire world is a pretty bad way to avoid mean people, never mind the ones who just want to help.
FINE the real reason i dont care is because its for the one i love most, and because i know she will love it no matter how many errors there are, as long as th feelings are true, which they are, now quit picking on me!
1634596
Grammar is important for one reason and one reason alone: It's the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.
Basically if you don't know the difference and can't be bothered to learn it then you're the latter instead of the former.