Octavia was received the Invitation of the national composer contest from the owner of the Canterlot's Cafe, but Unfortunately, she received two invitation papers, so she decide to give the one to her best friend, Vinyl scratch, She will come with Octavia, While Octavia Meet Vinyl for the last time she heard thar Vinyl has been broken up with her boyfriend, she start fall in love with her , their love story started with the single melody, You will be become this both character at every Chapter, will their love will blooming, or not?
Chapters (2)
Dem random capitalizations...
Alright: random capitalizations. Only the first word of a sentence and proper nouns (names of people/places) need to be capitalized.
Fillydelphia. No dash.
Quotations need punctuation, a comma or a period.
Wow. You changed from present tense to FUTURE TENSE! Bravo. Few authors could fail that much.
It`s giving, not give.
Waffing? What is this fuckery?
And also it`s answered or answers.
On my way home.
Mother. Freaking. Run. On. Sentence. Must. Put. Period. At. The. End. Of. Every. Word. To. Counteract. Run. On. Sentence.
Anyhow make sure that you start a new sentence when you have a new thought most of the time.
"You do realize (grumble) that using these brackets (grumble) in the middle of sentences is really annoying," instead.
"You do realize that using these brackets in the middle of sentences is really annoying," I grumbled.
Once again with the future tense. Egad. Use answered or answers. Make sure you're writing in the right tense.
> reparation.
techredible.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/You-keep-using-that-word1-300x252.jpg
Is acception even a word? Nope. And also it's you're. Not you.
And also right now I need to page the department of redundancy department right now with this gem.
THE MISUSE OF ENGLISH WORDS! IT BURNS.
Wat?
Wow. That sentence is making no sense.
Final verdict.
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Alright. I take it you aren't a native English speaker? Am I correct?
Well, added to TWE.
WHOOSH!
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Thorlol: TWE Mod and resident scarf knitter.
I honestly can't decide if this is a trollfic or if your grasp of English is this tenuous...
Your main problems are capitalization (Symphony of Love), tense (Octavia has received) and run-on sentences.
I do love your coverart.
It's a good concept for a story. I suggest you get an editor before you continue. As 1521552 said, I'm assuming you're not a native English speaker?
Best of luck,
Dubs Rewatcher
TWE Reviewer
I always hesitate to comment or critique somebody's story when they're a non-English speaker because I feel it can come off as a little mean. And if you've ever read any of my critiques you'll see that I don't shy away from being mean. But in some cases I feel it's necessary simply because the author has such a bad grasp of the language that they need... guidance to get them on the right track.
So here we go:
Already we're off to a bad start and this is only the summary. There's a certain missuse of words and random capitalisations that's going on in here and it can't bode well for the rest of the story. It's understandable to a point but it's a little unclear.
Onwards to the story and it's a mess.
The first thing that hits me is the structure. You need to be consistent. If you're going to indent, indent every paragraph even if it's just one sentence. It makes the whole thing look a little uneven otherwise.
What follows next is a hodgepodge of poor spelling, the wrong words being used and poor grammar but again most of this was expected.
I can make specific points where you messed up, but the whole story is just full of the same errors. You need an editor and you need one now. This story needs a rewrite to fix the wonky English, the grammar errors and to tighten it up a bit.
i.imgur.com/3lZia.png?1
>Evil Homer - TWE's Tactical Tactless Nuke
Yup. That seems legit.
I'm Scribblestick, by the way, from TWE. Looks like you've had a few visits already, so I'll keep my comments brief.
So, first off, English is clearly not your native language. Props for trying, but you have a lot more to learn. I recommend finding a native English-speaker to help you with your phrasing. It'll make your English a lot better and your stories much more enjoyable.
Given the awkward phrasing, it's a little hard for me to point out much else, but from what I saw, you could use a lot more description, specifically of the locations. A clear setting is an important part of any story, and you establish that by describing the world around your characters.
That's all from me. Hope it helps!
~Scribblestick, TWE's notoriously friendly moderator
To Everyone: Well, I write this story too soon, so I don't have time to check it, so I am very sorry about this story, I will fix it now.