Freaky Friday
I must of had a wonderful dream last night, because as I woke up slowly I could feel a smile crack along my face. Not only was today Friday, but I specifically remember someone telling me there is no school today. After laying motionless on my bed for a good fifteen minutes, a thought formed in my brain.
Heh, I bet I woke up at my regular time to go to school. Didn't I?
With a glance to my right, I see my alarm clock and it's glowing red digital numbers.
Five thirty AM on the dot. Niiice. Well, I'm awake. Time for breakfast and cartoons! Wait...why are my blankets so heavy?
Sure enough, my comforter that I slept under felt unusually large and heavy. Actually, as my eyes adjusted to the dim light, everything in my room seemed alot bigger.
Hey, what's going on here?
While I was struggling to get out from under my covers, I felt like something was on my hands, like mittens or gloves. Either way, I couldn't feel my fingers. After what felt like hours struggling with my covers (but was really just ten minutes) I managed to toss them off of me.
Success!
With a glee filled heart, thinking this was still going to be a great day, I rolled off my bed, and landed on my face with a loud, painful thud.
"Ow, hey, what giv-." I stopped speaking as something made my blood run cold. I just heard someone else's voice. Not my own. For a fact, I know my mom had already left for work earlier than I wake up. Then who was talking with that beautiful voice? It sounded so familar, but I couldn't seem to place my finger on it. "Hello?" There it was again! Who was that? And where was it coming from?
Someone's in my house! Someone has invaded my castle and this shall not go unpunished, no matter how much of a nice voice she has!
Furious, with adrenaline pumping through my veins, I attempted to stand up to face the intruder. Yet, as I rose up, my knees seemed to buckle under me and I started falling forward; my head had hit my wall with a loud crack.
"Ow." I stated simply. "Well this is a lovely way to start one's day."
Hey wait a minute... Am I the one making that voice?
"Hello-AH! I am the one with the pretty voice! What the hell is going on here?! And why am I stuck on my wall?" Today I must have some of the worst luck possible. "Damnit. Let go of my head, wall!" I tried to move my head side to side, and even back and forth, but my head wasn't budging!
"LET GO!"
With one final desperate pull, I felt something unlodge itself from my wall and tumbled backwards and landed on my rear.
"Alright, this morning already sucks. I can't stop talking like this, my room is too big, and my hands are- Where are my hands!?" Ok. So I may have freaked out, maybe I didn't. "My hands are marshmallows!" Ok, I freaked out.
This isn't real. This can't be real.
I started sweating heavily, staring at the white stumps that had replaced my arms. Slowly, I looked up from my hands-er stumps to see a hole in my wall the size of a half-dollar. But that's not what made me scream. Just off to the left of the hole was my mirror I hung on my wall yesterday, and staring back at me was...Rarity. Yes, that Rarity. From My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Purple mane, blue eyes, white coat, the whole shabang. After screaming for about ten minutes, my brain attempted to comprehend what was going on.
"Am I...Rarity?"
Well, no dip, Sherlock. Now, stay calm and try not to freak out,
Despite my best efforts, I still ended up rolling around on my carpet, freaking out, while crying and laughing simultaneously. I was laughing for one reason; I'm a pony. A brony's dream come true, right? No. Very wrong. Alright, for one, I'm in another pony's body, I'm a mare and I can't use my hands!
TONY! Get a hold of your self, man! Now stand up, go to the kitchen, and go get a damn apple!
At the thought of food, I heard my stomach growl in protest to any further action. "Huh. Thanks subconcsious, that was oddly inspiring."
You're very welcome, now get moving!
"Yes sir!" Note to self, I need to stop talking to myself. "Damnit." Ok, back on the topic of learning how to walk again...
*Two Hours Later*
"Ok, we're making progress here!" So, learning how to walk wasn't as hard as I thought It would be, the only problem I had was keeping my self balanced on all four legs. Needless to say, it was a very painful endeavor. Nevertheless, I eventually balanced myself to the point where I was able to put one hoof in front of the other; well actually it was more of putting my left front leg forward, then my right hind leg forward and then switching the cycle. "Alright! I can walk! That is a big step forward in finding out what has happened to my body!
Actually, I still just want an apple.
"Now, onwards to the kitchen! All I have to do is open my door...Damnit all. And here I thought learning how to stand and walk was going to be a pain, now I have to open doors?" After a short moan and bull-like puff, I reared back on my hind legs and planted my hooves flat against my door. Ever so slowly, I inched my hind legs further and further until I could wrap my front hooves around the door knob and twist it. Once I heard a satisfying click, I started back pedaling, opening the door.
Almost there...
"Yes! Score three for Tony!" Now that the door was fully open, I pulled away from my door and walked down the hall; analysing every little detail of my home from my new point of view. Just like that tiny elephant my mom keeps on the window sill, that thing was huge! "It's like I'm in the house of a giant...Wait, I was a giant."
Tony, stop letting your' thoughts wander, stay on task!
"Right, thanks again brain!"
Once I was in the kitchen, I could see the dark red plastic bowl sitting on the dining table where my mom puts the fruit. "Well this should be easy enough." I approached one of the dining chairs and pushed it back, that way I could hop onto it to get to the table. After getting up on the chair and onto the table, I crouched low, slowly making my way to the fruit bowl.
Watch, as the majestic Rarity stalks her prey, the shiny golden apple.
"Ah ha! I have found you my swee-" There was a scribbled note on the fruit bowl.
Dear, Tony. I ate your' last apple on my way to work this morning. Have an orange for breakfast instead.
-Love, Mom.
"Damnit, she knows I hate oranges..."
Authors Note: Hey you, yeah, you! Thanks for reading the first chapter to my first fic! I know it isn't perfect, that's why I need some constructive critisism from people (or ponies if it may be the case) like you! -Rarity (TonydBrony)
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nice cover art, will read later
at least she didn't leave a pear
Nice story [I'm the one who's doing AJ]
1518515
But I like pears...
Better than my take on it! That's for sure!
OH JOY ANOTHER ONE OF THESE
Wasn't this same exact thing done just a day or two ago?
1518535 Perhaps our paths will cross at some point.
1518568 Yes.
1518593 Yes, and no.
1518567 Thanks?
1518610 They probally will
Aside from a few spelling errors, your writing is brilliant! I laughed so hard at the 'my hands are marshmallows' part, Mt Dew came out my nose! (Actually, it really hurt. I don't reccomend.) To be honest, Rarity would be the worst pony to incarnate as a guy. She wears makeup ALL THE TIME, she keeps her mane in pristine condition ALL THE TIME, plus she has a white stainable coat. Us guys spend a minute, three minutes tops, on our hair. I pity you.
Another thing I am intrigued by is the guy with a Pinkie Pie personality as Rarity. This does not bode well. Maybe you can change your mane sometime along, maybe do a Pinkamena-type style. I think Rares would look good like that.
Cheers to a caffeine-loaded ADHD rant,
-MarkusBrony (Rainbow Dash)
I like this story. Well written.
Though, don't take this the wrong way, I have just a couple suggestions.
But, Idunno, I have an editor, so I may not be correct
1. After what felt like hours struggling with my covers (but was really just ten minutes) I managed to toss them off of me.
What I would have put: ...covers (but in reality was just 10 minutes) I managed...
2. "Ow, hey what gi-"
I would have wrote: Ow, hey, what gi-"
3. You seemed to put a ' after every your. For example: your'
I don't think that goes there.
4. "Allright, this morning allready sucks."
"allright" should be spelt alright
As well as "Allready". It just has one "l"
5. "Ah ha!" I have found you my swee-"
There is an extra " in there.
Idunno, thats what I saw. Well, some are just opinions.
Good so far, will track it.
-ThatOneRandomPony (Octavia)
1518724 Thanks man! I'm actaully going over my story right, and looking for errors.
Man there has been a HUGE influx of "Author is X" fan-fictions lately.
1518779 That's because it's a recent groupverse like the chessverse.
1518859
Ah! Thanks for pointing that out!
1518779 we are part of a small group doing a collab type universe set. group here: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=1670/
1518935
Remind me of Ponyfall and how they stole the featured box. Phew there was a shitstorm over that one...
I'm certainyl intrigued.
The writing style may not be my schtick, but then again, i seem to be a minority that likes it anyways.
An editor would probably be good, however. *tentativly raises hoof*
1518952 Aww. Sorry pal.A friend of mine took the spot, but you can look over it as you please. I'm sure we'll still miss something.
1518709
If you havn't read "Why am I Pinkie Pie!?" by Hoopy McGee then you are seriously missing out! It's sooooooooooooooooooooo hilarious!
1519010
Adding this to my read later list.
Interesting. We'll see how this turns out. I shall be very disappointed with *him* if *he* doesn't get around to that makeup. This going to be way awkward. Now's he a female... Have you read "Whan a Pony Calls"? (llink) If you take a page from that this dude will be thinking a little differently by the end of the week. By the way, I like the cover art.
1518952
Oh, and you messed up 'certainly' too, have to keep that l and y in the right order.
Dude, it's 'tentatively'. Don't forget the 'e' there.
It Is Always That one part with that darned orange that will mess up your day
1519229 Wanna know why I hate oranges? Because they are evil. When I was younger, six years to be exact, I had an orange. And it was the first time I had an orange. So, I was like *NOM* and bit directly into it with the peel. It was so sour, and I threw it against the wall...I now know what I did wrong. BUT I STILL HATE THEM!
Ok. Your writing is good, so have an upvote but... seriously, a brony waking up as a pony - how original...
I hope you find a good explanation of this, like that it's his acid trip or whatever...
1519306 Well, I am a bit late posting this, but this is part of a group of stories.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/54927/Becoming-Rainbow-Dash%3A-A-Brony-Writer%27s-Tale
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/58423/And-Then-I-was-Twilight-Sparkle
If you read these, you might understand what is going down.
It's... Beautiful
lol awesome story!! i was given the ok to do applebloom, i'm currently still working on the first chapter
I'll be your editor if you still need one, I can link you a few fics i already edit if you want as well.
This fic .... is relevant to my interests. I think I'll join this group. Keep track of the stories, maybe write one.
Hmmm... to be honest, the concept doesn't really seem to appeal to me (so I didn't upvote). However, the writing isn't bad (so I didn't downvote either).
There's a choppy and thin feeling, however, that does seem to go through the whole thing. That's because you need to watch for tense (you flip-flop from present tense back and forth with past tense), punctuation, use of the passive voice, and overall the formatting of dialogue, actions, and thoughts. Those three things-- dialogue, actions, and thoughts-- look a lot better if intermingled. And fleshing out details improves the feel as well.
Like with:
"Ow." I stated simply. "Well this is a lovely way to start one's day."
Hey wait a minute... Am I the one making that voice?
That would be better as:
"Ow," I murmured, blinking at the flash of pain, "well, this is a lovely way to start one's day." I paused for a moment, hearing something just so odd. Hey, wait a minute... am I the one making that voice?
See how the proper punctuation, the fleshing out a bit more detail, and so on make it flow better?
Also, compare There was a scribbled note on the fruit bowl. with I eyed the scribbled note on the fruit bowl. Losing the passive voice makes it just read better. Anyways, well, to be honest I'm not interested in seeing where this goes (just not my topic). But I hope you do keep writing and keep working on all this.
That was a good story. Have an orange
1520108 Chapter
I like this. You get part of what Lyra's obsessed with and a fave.
I'd say my favorite part of this chapter would be the conversations Tony had with his/her own brain. If you can turn the brain into a character of some kind, then you have the potential for all kinds of silliness.
And I hope, just for comedy's sake, that he never gets to finish an apple, with the exceptions being shortly before something that will be productive, though not necessarily pleasant (and not in the gutter sense).
You sir, have bought my soul
Hm... interesting so far... go on.
1520055 Thanks for the tips!
1520108 How dare you...
1520452 I have a tendency to think out loud, and sometimes talk to myself. So, I thought it would be a great way to add a little bit of comedy to the story!
1520454 I shall cherish it dearly.
1521106 Ok.
Good job, can't wait to see where it goes.
1521367
No problem!
1518560
But if you were prepared for apples, you'd have to get ready to eat a pear.
Or, to be more specific, dis' pear.
"Freaky Friday"cache.ohinternet.com/images/2/24/I_see_what_you_did_there_super.jpg
1518515cache.ohinternet.com/images/2/24/I_see_what_you_did_there_super.jpg
I like it! Enjoyable, some truly great descriptions and dialogue.
Its humorous and cute. Making your subconscious function as a character was a Great idea!
Will definitely read more!
Oh GOOD LORD that was funny!
Also, I loathe oranges. >.>
[color=transparent]MARSHMALLOWS!!
Well, at least oranges taste better like a pony, right?
Heh, marshmallows. WRITE ON GOOD SIR!
An interesting enough start, but I'm noticing one difference between this and the few other fics in this series I've read; that the pony appears to already be a voice in the head. The other fics have made it take around a day until that happens.
Edit: my mistake. He has his own dissenting voice in his head. The remaining problem is that he has been a little quick to adopt the mannerisms of Rarity, especially in the early chapters.
Wrong. "Must've had" is correct
Tried to avoid this, but it was calling my name
On another note, this is good right now. I considered writing one of these a while ago
, then I rejected the idea , but now, it's come back up. I'm not sure if I sure do it.
On a third note, this story is good so far. Time to keep reading.
amazing!
Rarity is the best of the mane six ( Luna is best pony), but I was too late to catch up, so I chose Maud Pie. couldn't resist reading! this story is amazing!