The MMM
After the sandwich incident and throwing the wrapper away, I kept on galloping down the street. Not moving to avoid large puddles in my way. After all, I have one directive; make it to New York. That’s all that matters.
That may be, but what about your mane? It’s soaked!
I suddenly stopped to look at my reflection in a nearby puddle. In return I had a messy mane unicorn with a ushanka atop her head staring back at me. The sight of the animalistic style and split ends made me want to faint.
“Egads! How could I possibly let this happen to my once beautiful mane?” I gasped as I put a hoof to my forehead and swooned.
“Oh we will get that fixed right up.” I heard an old and squeaky female voice say, just before a collar was snapped around my neck, and something hit me in the back of the head, knocking me out.
I awoke in an alley, with a towel of some sort wrapped around me, and a leash leading to the grubby hand of an obese homeless woman who had frizzy hair and a very wide grin. My mane, incidentally, was now combed straight down and clean. although it was not my normal style.
Rarity’s normal style. I mentally corrected myself.
Regardless, there were more important things going on.
“Oh hey, my mane doesn’t look like shit anymore. How nice.” I murmured as I looked up to the hobo. “You know you could’ve just said something, instead of...” I said as the realisation of what just happened slowly came to me.
You must be dense if you think she really just wanted to fix your hair.
“Ooooh the pony is awake!” The woman said with a grin and clap of her hands. She moved up to me and pulled me into a hug by the neck.
“You’ll be Mim’s new pet! We will have all sorts of fun, killing all the gardens, running out on checks, we could even burn down a house or two!” She said gleefully, her rank odor and filthy clothes pressing against me and inciting a quickly rising panic.
“Let go of me!” I coughed while in the choking force of the lady’s death grip. “I am NOT anyone's pet either!”
I say stay with her. Burning houses sounds like fun.
Mim only laughed, picking me up off the ground and swinging me from side to side. In the process I became far more acquainted with her chest than I would have preferred.
“Oooooh you don’t have a choice, dearie! When the Madam Mim decides she wants a pet, she gets a pet!” She finally, blissfully set me down to let me alternatively gasp for air and kiss the concrete, only to turn back to the box she apparently lived in.
“I want lots of pets! You know any other ponies? The nice man told me I could have all the ponies for pets.” She said, swooning when she said ‘nice man’.
Time to break out the ol’ Tony smarts, bro.
“Well.” I said innocently. “I might know a few. If you take this collar of me, might tell you.”
Mim smiled and snapped her fingers. The leash and collar vanished. “Go ahead, pony. Where are other ponies?”
With a sly smile, I pronounced, “Lady, you are smart. Right? Then how did you let some fool trick you into thinking I was a pony?” Immediately I reached into my bag on my side, pulling out my stuffed elephant. “THIS is a pony.”
I cannot believe you just did that. You are going to need a miracle to get out of this. Dumbass.
She laughed and snapped her fingers again, this time the leash appeared both on the stuffed elephant and my neck. “Now I have a pony and a fake pony! Let’s go for a walk, dearie.” She said, dragging me and the stuffed animal as she walked out of the alleyway.
“This is all your fault, Ele. You aren’t a good pony at all.” I muttered under my breath as to not let the hag hear me. The stuffed elephant did not reply.
Time for plan B. I thought inwardly. With a sharp glance to my left, I spotted a lone trash can lid and felt my magical grip envelope it. As a sly smile cut across my face, I tossed the lid like a frisbee at my target.
The trash can lid hit Mim with full force but, upon touching her it turned into a cloud of feathers and made a squeaking sound.
“I’m sorry, dearie. did you say something?” She asked, turning around and laughing at me. “Ooooh the look on your face! Priceless! No but really now, you must be more polite. That could have hurt me.” She scolded. “Bad pet.”
Okay, plan B sucked. Time for plan C.
I looked up at her with puppy dog eyes. “I’m sorry Mim. I just wanted to play.”
The sudden grin on her face made my stomach sink.
“Oh! Play? Playing is fun! What should we play? Firetruck?”
A nearby car was suddenly a firetruck, which both crushed the cars next to it and had it’s sirens turned on full blast, making it very hard to hear mim’s rambling.
“Hide and go seek?”
A passer bye who was looking in shock at the firetruck suddenly covered his eyes, screaming something about being blind as he curled up on the ground.
“What game would you like to play?” She asked me as all the sound stopped and she leaned in to me eagerly.
A quick glance around, and it seemed like nothing was amiss. The passer bye was looking at us with an odd expression, but that was to be expected when you see a crazed homeless woman talking to her pet unicorn.
“Ah, no. I don’t like baby games like that!” I said shakily while trying to regain my composure. “How about a card game?”
What are you going to do? Play poker and bet your freedom?
“A... card game?” She asked, enthralled. “You mean tarot cards? I could tell you your future. It always ends in death, really. Big spoiler there.” She chuckled.
I gulped as I realised how knee deep in shit I really was. “No, ma’am. I was thinking a gentleman's game. Like poker. Or if you prefer board games, I’m solid at chess.”
You’re just stalling.
“Oooh, I know chess. yes, lets play chess.” A chess board was suddenly summoned into existance. It happened to be roughly the size of a car, and in place of one of the knights was a little figure of Rarity. On the other side.
On my side, one of the Bishops was replaced by the Mad Madam Mim.
“Let’s play.” She cackled.
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Wow...my jimmies were rustled greatly...Mim is a monster! or Discord...
I honestly didn't see that coming.
1602035 I didn't either.
Of all the things that could show up it had to be the Mad Madam Mim... I hope Merlin shows up now.
1602035 What he said, that really is one heck of a turn.
OOH burning houses does sound fun. I like his/her conscience!
1602337 If Merlin shows up, I want it to be the TV show one.
1602658 Well....I never specified which Merlin. Merlin is still Merlin after all.
I can be beautiful, lovely and fair....
SILVERY voice!
Long purple hair!
And so on!
1602043 What a minute.
Are you not the writer. Never mind. 
Pinkie Pie just being Pinkie Pie.
1603058 No, I am the writer. But I said that as if I were in character from my point of view.
1603058 maybe this actually happened and this is his journal!?
1602035 Like the Spanish Inquisition?
1605305
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
1613290 Nobody may expect it, but at least I can say this.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSZEbblKLgU5Qv8FnmGGsa22uyyQ8MLKBpeyUiMsh_B9i6s3Tp2kw
1613355
AH, you may have survived the comfy chair, but what will you do when we get out the rack?!
No, no, not that one...
1613374 I'll use the soft cushions. And I'll make sure all the stuffing is at one end. *Diabolical laughter*
1647214 cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/21612931.jpg
Well if Discord can make a SCP-173 or whatever it was come after Twilight than that mean he can make Madam Mim (Too be honest I didn't know who she was until someone made that youtube video link) appear and try to capture you.
I can't believe you made that reference! The sword in the stone is such a old movie. Glad to see someone else enjoyed it :)
Mad Madam Mim? Bro, that movie practically introduced me to the world of dragons, valkyries, and windygows
Madam Mim? Where is Merlin when you need it?
Er... I have no idea what just happened.
Long lost cousin of Discord?