> Waking up as Rarity.
>  by TonydBrony
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Freaky Friday
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I must of had a wonderful dream last night, because as I woke up slowly I could feel a smile crack along my face. Not only was today Friday, but I specifically remember someone telling me there is no school today. After laying motionless on my bed for a good fifteen minutes, a thought formed in my brain. 

Heh, I bet I woke up at my regular time to go to school. Didn't I?

With a glance to my right, I see my alarm clock and it's glowing red digital numbers.

Five thirty AM on the dot. Niiice. Well, I'm awake. Time for breakfast and cartoons! Wait...why are my blankets so heavy?

Sure enough, my comforter that I slept under felt unusually large and heavy. Actually, as my eyes adjusted to the dim light, everything in my room seemed alot bigger. 

Hey, what's going on here?

While I was struggling to get out from under my covers, I felt like something was on my hands, like mittens or gloves. Either way, I couldn't feel my fingers. After what felt like hours struggling with my covers (but was really just ten minutes) I managed to toss them off of me.

Success!

With a glee filled heart, thinking this was still going to be a great day, I rolled off my bed, and landed on my face with a loud, painful thud.

"Ow, hey, what giv-." I stopped speaking as something made my blood run cold. I just heard someone else's voice. Not my own. For a fact, I know my mom had already left for work earlier than I wake up. Then who was talking with that beautiful voice? It sounded so familar, but I couldn't seem to place my finger on it. "Hello?" There it was again! Who was that? And where was it coming from? 

Someone's in my house! Someone has invaded my castle and this shall not go unpunished, no matter how much of a nice voice she has!

Furious, with adrenaline pumping through my veins, I attempted to stand up to face the intruder. Yet, as I rose up, my knees seemed to buckle under me and I started falling forward; my head had hit my wall with a loud crack.

"Ow." I stated simply. "Well this is a lovely way to start one's day."

Hey wait a minute... Am I the one making that voice?

"Hello-AH! I am the one with the pretty voice! What the hell is going on here?! And why am I stuck on my wall?" Today I must have some of the worst luck possible. "Damnit. Let go of my head, wall!" I tried to move my head side to side, and even back and forth, but my head wasn't budging!

"LET GO!"

With one final desperate pull, I felt something unlodge itself from my wall and tumbled backwards and landed on my rear.

"Alright, this morning already sucks. I can't stop talking like this, my room is too big, and my hands are- Where are my hands!?" Ok. So I may have freaked out, maybe I didn't. "My hands are marshmallows!" Ok, I freaked out.

This isn't real. This can't be real.

I started sweating heavily, staring at the white stumps that had replaced my arms. Slowly, I looked up from my hands-er stumps to see a hole in my wall the size of a half-dollar. But that's not what made me scream. Just off to the left of the hole was my mirror I hung on my wall yesterday, and staring back at me was...Rarity. Yes, that Rarity. From My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Purple mane, blue eyes, white coat, the whole shabang.  After screaming for about ten minutes, my brain attempted to comprehend what was going on. 

"Am I...Rarity?"

Well, no dip, Sherlock. Now, stay calm and try not to freak out,

Despite my best efforts, I still ended up rolling around on my carpet, freaking out, while crying and laughing simultaneously. I was laughing for one reason; I'm a pony. A brony's dream come true, right? No. Very wrong. Alright, for one, I'm in another pony's body, I'm a mare and I can't use my hands!

TONY! Get a hold of your self, man! Now stand up, go to the kitchen, and go get a damn apple!

At the thought of food, I heard my stomach growl in protest to any further action. "Huh. Thanks subconcsious, that was oddly inspiring."

You're very welcome, now get moving!

"Yes sir!" Note to self, I need to stop talking to myself. "Damnit." Ok, back on the topic of learning how to walk again...

*Two Hours Later*

"Ok, we're making progress here!" So, learning how to walk wasn't as hard as I thought It would be, the only problem I had was keeping my self balanced on all four legs. Needless to say, it was a very painful endeavor. Nevertheless, I eventually balanced myself to the point where I was able to put one hoof in front of the other; well actually it was more of putting my left front leg forward, then my right hind leg forward and then switching the cycle. "Alright! I can walk! That is a big step forward in finding out what has happened to my body! 

Actually, I still just want an apple.

"Now, onwards to the kitchen! All I have to do is open my door...Damnit all. And here I thought learning how to stand and walk was going to be a pain, now I have to open doors?" After a short moan and bull-like puff, I reared back on my hind legs and planted my hooves flat against my door. Ever so slowly, I inched my hind legs further and further until I could wrap my front hooves around the door knob and twist it. Once I heard a satisfying click, I started back pedaling, opening the door. 

Almost there...

"Yes! Score three for Tony!" Now that the door was fully open, I pulled away from my door and walked down the hall; analysing every little detail of my home from my new point of view. Just like that tiny elephant my mom keeps on the window sill, that thing was huge! "It's like I'm in the house of a giant...Wait, I was a giant." 

Tony, stop letting your' thoughts wander, stay on task!

"Right, thanks again brain!" 

Once I was in the kitchen, I could see the dark red plastic bowl sitting on the dining table where my mom puts the fruit. "Well this should be easy enough." I approached one of the dining chairs and pushed it back, that way I could hop onto it to get to the table. After getting up on the chair and onto the table, I crouched low, slowly making my way to the fruit bowl. 

Watch, as the majestic Rarity stalks her prey, the shiny golden apple.

"Ah ha! I have found you my swee-" There was a scribbled note on the fruit bowl. 

Dear, Tony. I ate your' last apple on my way to work this morning. Have an orange for breakfast instead.
-Love, Mom.

"Damnit, she knows I hate oranges..."


Authors Note: Hey you, yeah, you! Thanks for reading the first chapter to my first fic! I know it isn't perfect, that's why I need some constructive critisism from people (or ponies if it may be the case) like you! -Rarity (TonydBrony)
> Sweet and Spicy
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This has got to be the worst possible thing!" My apple. My beautiful golden delicious that I saved for just this Friday morning is now gone. "How dare she. How dare she?!" I was practically screaming my head off, and for good reason!

Easy Tony, it was just an apple. There are plenty of other options in this fine kitchen, you just have to find them!.

"Easier said than done, brain. I'm a pony now, and I plan to respect Rarity's body by eating like one!" I hrrumphed and sat on the table with my nose in the air. "Wait, what's that wonderful aroma?" The smell of fresh cut tomatoes, baked bread and melting cheese suddenly filled the room. I felt like I was being lifted off my hooves as I drifted closer to the wonderful mystery scent. Where my hooves even touching the ground? I'm sure it doesn't matter, but as I got closer to the smell I ran into something. "Ow, my little nose!" I squeaked in suprise as I felt my new sniffer hit something metallic. Glimpsing up from the now fading pain, I found myself looking at the kitchen's oven.

Maybe there's something good to eat in there!

"Well, let's hope so!" Rearing back on my hind legs, I reached up and bit down on the cloth my mom hung on the handle of the stove. With a forceful tug and a well deserved hoof pump in the air I stepped onto the open oven door to find the source of this lovely smell; and came face to face with a Pizza Hut box. "Leftover pizza? Huh, I'm sure I can eat this. It's just pizza, right?"

Stop talking and open the box!

"Shut up brain, or I'll send you home in a box!." Promptly, I grabbed the small box with my teeth and threw it onto the floor below me. After jumping off the oven door myself, I kicked it back up in it's original position. "Now, to claim what is rightfully mine," I whispered while opening my top of the box. " dear Princess Celestia, if you are watching over me right now, thank you." Before me were two whole slices of jalapeno and pineapple pizza. I'll spare you the details, but I can't say I was very clean about eating my spicy/sweet breakfast. To say the least, there was alot of chomping, munching and giggling. "Hah! That makes four points for Tony, zero for fate!" I laughed through a mouthful of pizza, and with a unusually loud burp I broke into another fit of giggling. 

Tony, c'mon man, look at the mess you made! Your' mane is a mess, your coat is stained with sauce, and there is a jalapeno on your horn!

Albeit, I didn't think I made too much of a mess, just a little bit of sauce...Oh. With a reluctant sigh, I headed to the bathroom to get cleaned up, and repeated the same process of opening the door...


*Ten Minutes Later*

I found myself singing in the shower right when I felt the cool chilling sensation of the shower head going to work. After fiddling with shampoo and conditioner bottles for a brief moment, I was able to wash my lushious mane. In all honesty, I loved washing my sauce stained mane, because as I did so, many ideas of stylings popped in and out of my head. "Maybe I could put it in a ponytail, or maybe do it up in a bun!" Why these ideas where in my head, I have no idea. I mean, I normally spike my hair, and wrap a bandana around my head and call it even. Maybe some of Rarity's ingenuity is rubbing off on me.

Or maybe you are just crazy.

Turning off the water, I stepped out of the small tub and shook most of the water off of me. After the quick shake-dry, I felt a sudden poof.  "MY MANE!" I cried out in sudden shock, and to my dismay, my fear of poofy mane was quite accurate. "This will take hours to fix!" Quickly seizing a brush and a mirror, I set out on a long task of fixing my mane.

Ya' know that was your own fault, right?

"Would you just shut up for one minute? It's bad enough I have to deal with you on a daily basis, but this is outrageous! Now, let me finish brushing my mane!" 

Upset easy, aren't we?

Just ignore him, Tony. Just finish brushing. 

You're just a stubborn ass.

*Thirty Minutes Later*

After finally finishing my struggle with a messy mane and coat, I found my favorite black bandana and put wonderfully stylized mane back in a ponytail; using the bandana as a restraint. "Perfect," I squealed as I stared into my reflection, "now I just need a little mascarra, maybe a little eyeliner, and a cute scarf!" In that moment, I facehoofed myself. "Why am I saying these things!?" To be honest, these new thoughts of mine kinda put me on edge. I really hope Rarity is having a hell of a time trying to figure out how my body works...That came out wrong.

Maybe she bleached your hair and has you in a tuxedo.

I let out an audible gasp at the thought. "I need to get my rear in gear!" With the grace of a snow fox, I dashed out the bathroom door into the livingroom; and ran right into a very large meaty pillar.

"Ow! Just what I need, more head trauma," and as I glanced up, my jaw dropped fast enough to break the sound barrier. "Mark!? What are you doing here? "Mark, my step-dad, looked down to see what just ran into his leg. 

"What the hell?" Mark bellowed as he peered down onto my small equine form. 

"Hi, uhh Mark. I can explain this, I really can!" I was hoping he would figure out who I was from the simple fact I knew his name.

"How did I know you would end up in this mess, boy?" He crossed his arms, smiling while shaking his head.

"W-what do you mean?"

"You aint read the paper yet? People all ov'ah the world are turning into ponies. I thought you would'a wanted to meet one of 'em, being a, uh what'cha call it, a brownie?"

I stared dumbfounded at Mark, not only did he not freak out, but he was expecting this?! "It's a brony, Mark." What else could I say? He wasn't in shock, so I took the direct approach to this conundrum. "Wait, there are others?! Do you know where they are meeting? C'mon man, stop holding out on me!"

"Boy, lemme get a word in, and I'll tell ya'. The article in the newspaper said that all the bronies turned pony should meet at some chicks house in New York. Name's Lauren Faust or somethin' like that,"

"Well, that's where I'm going then! I was ecstatic at the thought of meeting anyone else in my current state. With a quick 180 I started for the door.

"Where you goin' boy? You need a ride. An' I know York like the back of my hand."

Well, at least I won't be walking there. That's a good few days of time saved. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's get moving!" 

Mark stared down at me and yawned. "It's eight somethin' lemme take a nap, then I'll help you."

Letting out a sigh, I decided it probably would be a good idea to get some rest before I leave.



Authors Note: Hey again guys! Sorry I can't pump out chapters as fast as my fellow pony counter parts, but there are other things I have to take care of as well. Oh, and of course, if there are any obvious errors in this chapter, please feel free to point them out, I need to get better at writing anyways! -Rarity (TonydBrony)




> Old Habits
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It hadn't been more than ten minutes after Mark said he would help me, and I could easily hear his bear-like snores reasonating from the livingroom. Oh, did I mention that I was bored? No? Well then, allow me to enunciate my current state of mind. I was idly spinning in my computer chair singing "I'm a little teapot." Yeah, it was that bad. Pondering my options, I decided to ask my "guardian angel" for help. 

"Brain, I'm bored, what should I do?"

Pandora.

"Pandora?" Spinning around in my chair once again, I stopped myself at my desk and stared at my closed laptop. "Pandora." I smirked in agreement. My laptop, covered in various stickers, and other ornamental decorations that adorned my desk. Such as; a small stuffed elephant, a Pinkie Pie toy, and my recently drawn colored pencil picture of my favorite little fire starting maniac. The Pyro. If you don't know who the Pyro is, I'm sure you can catch on pretty quick. I gave off a small smile, as I looked at my Acer, and nudged it open with my hoof. Prominently, I clicked the power button and heard the singnature start up sound of my pc. I then placed both hooves around my mouse and hovered the cursor over the internet explorer icon, clicking the mouse button with the tip of my hoof, opening up Pandora. (Luckily I set Pandora as my homepage, so whenever I wanted to listen to music, it was just a click away.) Donning my old, yet realiable headset, I couldn't help but feel at peace. Hours of my free time has gone into listening to large varietys of music, especially rock, pop, and a wee bit of country. Like the sound of angels playing harps, I heard the slow piano intro to my favorite song.

"It starts with one thing, I don't know why..." I let the steady bass drums, and daring guitar solos take me. I was in my own place now, my own realm. Blissfully, I rocked my head to the beat of my jams. 


*??? Hours Later*

I lost track of time. That's the simple way to put it. Plus, I was rocking out, doing an air guitar on my swivel chair, so I didn't really care what time it was. Oh and something was ringing, but I didn't really care.

Ring, ring ring. Ring, ring ring.

I lied, it was bothering me. "What do you want?!" My eyes shot open and looked at my computer screen. "Oh. Someone is callin' Tony on Skype!" So, I might have forgotten I was a pony, because I ended up ramming my hoof into my mouse and sent it skidding across my desk and made it hit the wall with a loud thunk!. I could practically hear the voice in my head laughing his non-existant ass off. 

Ring, ring, ring.

"Shut up, Skype! I'm trying to get my clicker!" Scrambling for my mouse, but it was just out of my reach. "Awww, c'mon!" I could almost reach it too! "GET OVER HERE!" Something flashed infront of me and my eyes were slammed shut, but at this point I was too busy letting my mane burst into flames to care. (I'm being dead serious, my mane was on fire!) 

You need to calm the hell down, bro.

I let the imaginary words sink in and began to feel my muscles slacken. Taking my own advice, I slowed my breathing, until I could no longer hear my heart pounding on the inside of my chest like a kettle drum. There was also a slight sizzling sound, but that's besides the matter. Because I got my mouse! Not only that, but it was coated in a pretty glowing white light. Wait...

"Holy shichst. I'm using magic." I was using magic! Can you believe it?! That's pretty damn awesome! It's like I'm holding the mouse, without touching it! Okay, I gotta say that this is the most euphoric thing I have ever felt! I could feel the plastic of the mouse, yet I wasn't physically touching it. Is this how magic works? I think about holding something, and I just do it? This is friggin' amazing. Oh and a special thanks goes to a very special person for teaching me that word. It's a very nice substitute for its profane counterpart. 

Ring, ring, ring.

Oh, right, Skype! Who was calling me, anyways? Micheal? Oh, my gamer/brony buddy. I moved the mouse across my desk magically by thinking of it sliding and clicked the answer button.

"Tonaaay!" Ow. My little pony ears.

"Miiiicheeal!" I responded with just as much glee.

...

"Micheal?" Why wasn't he saying anything?

"Hey, T-Tony, are you ok? You sound funny."

Oh, for lucks sake. 

"Just a bit-" I stifled a small cough, and depening my voice in the process. "bit sick is all."

"Right on, man. Hope you get well soon."

Oh thank you, Celestia! He bought it! Good thing too, I never really was that good at lying.

"Thanks man," Another fake cough. "I'll talk to you sometime else."

"Hey, wait a minute, brudda." He said with a lick of suspicion on his words.

Oh no...

"You wanna play some Minecraft? Maybe a quick game will help you get better!" 

Well, I just learned how to use basic magic. Why not make the first thing I do with my newly found skill playing a few games with my buddy Micheal?

"Yeah, sure man." I said as I strained to keep my voice deep.

"Allriiight man, let's do this!" He replied enthusiastically.

And so, my friend Micheal and I played Minecraft, while I continued to learn how to manipulate objects by thinking about their movements.

*Two Hours and Thirty-Nine minutes later*

"Book it, man! Skele-bros, comin' in hot!" We were running as fast as our little virtual legs could take us, trying to get home as night fell. It felt like we only started playing ten minutes ago, but time seemed to fly by as we laughed and cried through our adventures in Minecraftia. I could easily hear Micheal laughing as hard as his lungs would allow, stopping for a brief moment to breathe.

"Tony, that was a close one! Those mobs were hot on our heels," he gasped, while trying to recover from his fit of laughter. 

"You got that right my man, but we made it. Safe and sound." I had already dropped the deep-voice act an hour ago, but Micheal didn't seem to notice. I guess he was to caught up with the "we need as many diamonds as we can possibly get" routine.But, I digress. I gotta love Micheal. He's always the one to cheer me up with his funny impressions when I'm feeling down, and can't help but think that it was fate that I met him.

"Yo, Tony. I gotta go, man. Mom needs me for some stuff. Stay frosty," and it was over. Just like that. The call ended, and so did the game. Now I'm alone again, boredom already starting to set in.

Well, what now?

I thought about this question for a moment. Just then, a spark of genius hit me like a sucker-punch. "It's Team Fortress time."

I hate to admnit it, but I'm a TF2 junkie. I love the game, and love the good times I have while playing it. Maybe I get too hype about the game, yelling and hollering, but that's just how I roll! After logging in, and joining my favorite server, I let my gamers instincs take over.

*Twenty Minutes of Gaming Later*

"Move it up, go go go!" I was screaming into my microphone, rallying my team as we steamrolled red team into submission. Playing Pyro, I was taking the lead, deflecting any incoming rockets on our advancing forces. "Medic over here and charge me, now!" I took the initiative, storming in, taking out their defenses, mowing down their soliders, and decimating every moving thing I saw. "Suck on that, you morons!"

"Urah!" We won. Simple as that, game set and match. After a well deserved high-five from the medic, and a hoof pump into the air, I relaxed in my chair. It was a pretty intense game, and after that win, I was ready to take it easy. Enough gaming for one day. I still need to get to the big apple.

An apple sounds pretty good right about now, doesn't it?

Ignoring my thoughts, I jumped off of my chair and strolled down the hall to the living room. "I better see if Mark is ready to go." I turned the corner and stopped, mouth agape for what I saw. "Mark is still asleep. How the hell am I going to get to New York?! Guess it's time to take matters into my own hooves."

Better start walking.

"Agreed. Alright, Tony. You're going to need supplies for the trip. Get a bag or something to take with you." With a sharp look to my left, I saw one of my moms purses hanging on the wall. "I'm sure she won't mind if I borrow it. It's not like I'm taking anything from in it. So, it's technically not stealing!"

Way to go, slugger. You had a good idea.

"Gee, thanks." I proceeded to slipping the handbag off of the hook it resided on, and slipped it over my own shoulder. After a quick adjustment to the strap and emptying the contents of said purse on the coffee table, I galloped into my room to grab any nesisiscary supplies. "Lets see here, fifty dollars, incase I may need to make any purchases, my camera, my phone, and my stuffed elephant." (I love that thing, no way am I leaving it here.) I thought that was all I was going to need, but my legs carried me to the restroom and I found my self levitating a couple other things into my bag. "Definetly going to need some eyeliner, maybe some blush." Nothing out of the ordinary. "Ooo lala! I will most certainly need some mascarra for the road, and maybe some ruby red lipstick!"

Think about what you just grabbed. Seriously.

"What are you talking about?" I said is a rather posh voice. "I'm only grabbing the essentials!" I closed the rather cute handbag and walked into the living room once again. "So long Mark! I'm off to save the world!"

I got a loud snore in response.

"I better leave a note for him before I go." Levitating a sheet  of paper and a pencil, I started writing a fare-well note.

Dearest, Mark.

Since you have failed to assist me in my time of need. I am going to New York myself. I hope you find that once you read this letter, I will be  on my way to save the world.      -With love, Anthonie.

Taking a piece of tape, I stuck the paper on Marks forehead. Maybe he will see it when he wakes up.

IF he wakes up.

"Alright world, here comes Rarity!" Storming out my front door, I felt lifted up, as if my hooves weren't touching the ground. Oh, wait, that was me falling down a flight of stairs to the street below. "Well, that started off swimmingly." There was a sudden taste of copper in my mouth. I looked at the ground, and a drop of crimson liquid hit the pavement.

Welcome to the real world, Anthonie.



Authors Note: A nice long chapter for all you readers. I had alot of time to work on this chapter, since i planned to post it yesterday, but the power went out, so you can enjoy it today! Oh, and happy Halloween.




> Unexpected Kindness
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My everything hurts. I can't think of any other way to put it. My eyes were screwed shut from the immense pain in my head, tearing into me like a shock collar. I tried peel myself off the pavement, every muscle in my body crying out in the process. "C'mon Tony, you've been through worse, don't give up," I screamed in anger. I've always held a personal creed to myself; never give up. No matter the opposition, no matter the disposition. Never back down. Yes, I know it's a bit overkill to push yourself that far, but it's in my nature. It's just how I am. "If you don't get up right now, I'm going to kick your ass myself!" When faced with a challenge, I refuse to say no, and will push my body to its outmost limits. Being the case of falling down a flight of stairs, and bleeding profusely; I was sent into my die-hard self with no plans on laying down and dieing on the side of a road.

Just give up. You can barely stand, let alone make it to New York.

"No," I whispered into the chilling autumn air. "No." This time with more vim and vigor in my voice. I forced myself on all fours, and felt a sudden shock go up my spine. The adrenaline was going to wear off any moment now, but I've got to stop this bleeding first. The only thing I had that I could use as a bandage, was my jet black bandana, but it was busy making my mane look fancy. "Grah! Get those thoughts outta ya head, Anthonie! It's do or die!" My teeth were clenched in agony, as I felt the blank band loosen, letting my mane flow downwards. 

You're not going to make it. Give up already.

"Put me down all you want," I spoke with a raspy voice while tying the cloth around my forhead; supressing the bleeding. "All you can do is talk shit, and that's all you will do." Yes, I know I have a fowl mouth, but it is only under stressing conditions! Hey! Don't laugh! I'm being serious, it's only when I'm stressed, I promise! No, wait, I'll do you one better, I Pinkie promise!

All you are going to do is get yourself killed.

"Yeah, and when that I happens I won't have to listen to your sorry ass excuse for a conscious." 

My left eye cracked open, and glorious sunshine flooded into the now open organ.  "C'mon, now the other eye," I coaxed myself. To no avail, my other eye wasn't showing its self. "Whatever, I only need one eye to see."

You know, you might have gone blind, right? That's a serious problem.

I replied with a sharp grunt and put one hoof forward, and started shaking. I've lost too much blood. Not something a body of this stature can handle easily. However, when you want something bad enough, you will do anything for it. And all I wanted was to make it to New York, since I somehow have an important role in this crazy plot of insanity.

You have to know when to give up.

Another hoof step on the concrete.

Why won't you listen to me? Are you crazy?

"Yes," I replied bluntly. "Yes I am." I put another hoof forward, but the world came up and suckerpunched me.

THWUMP!

I hit the ground like a sack of potatos, my vision slowly growing hazy.

"At least I tried..."

***

I think I'm dead. I certainly wasn't out in the cold streets of West Virginia anymore. The warm air flowing through my coat could confirm that and I could feel the weight of something being pressed against me. What is this? Wool? It's scratchy and I don't like it! I tried to get whatever was ontop of me off, but as I did, I heard the voice of a rather elderly man.

"Stop squirming young'un, you've been shivering all night," the voice said with ancient wisdom on his tounge. "Now, I didn't go an' get you a blanket jus' so you could throw it off your self."

I cracked an eye open, and was staring at an old man. Who was looming over me, with a gentle smile. He smelled like a hospital. I don't like hospitals.

"You're not a doctor, are you?" I asked with minor difficulty, for my voice was still weak.

He let out a small chuckle in reply. "Oh no deary, I'm a Vet." He said with practiced precision, and a drop of professionalism "But, it was a good thing I found you when I did, young lady. You were practically dead! What did you do to have hurt yourself so badly?"

I only stared up at him, not saying anything for a moment. "I fell," I said nonchalantly. "Down some stairs."

He smiled in return. "At least you are alive, no?" 

"Barely." 

"Well, how do you feel?"

"Like I fell down some stairs, almost died, and woke up in a very soft bed."  Another thought crossed my mind; why did he just help a creature of myth? Shouldn't it be suprising to see something like a unicorn?

"Hey, Doc? Why are you not suprised that I'm a talking unicorn?"

"Well," he began. "In all my years, whenever my son comes in the house, yelling he found another hurt animal," He paused. "I just can't let an animal go on like that. You are no difference. I did what I could, patched up that nasty cut on your cheek and gave you a warm place to sleep."

I couldn't think of anything to say. I've been surrounded by terrible people in my life, but this man. This one man, not only helped me in my time of need, but he also helps any animal he comes across? My eyes started to water, and I had to blink away the tears before they obscured my sight. 

"Are you ok, ma'am?"

"I'm fine," I said trailing off in my thoughts. "Sir?" I croaked. "I don't mean to be rude, but I need to get to New York as fast as I can."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that." He said darkly...

My heart just sank down to my stomach and stopped beating. What does he mean, he can't let me do that?! He's not going to let me leave? What's he going to do?!? Kill me?! Skin me and use me as a rug?! Somepony help me!

"I just can't let you leave now, it's chilly out there!" He said walking back into the room with a purple silk scarf. 

OH THANK CELESTIA!

I let out a heavy sigh, and looked up at the man as he tied the adorable garment around my neck, as he smiled down at me.

This guy is totally asking for a hug. He justs wants me to get up and give such a big hug, his eyes pop out of his head. And that's exactly what I did. Well, except the eye popping part.

I jumped up and embraced the old man, putting my hooves around him.

"You just got a hug from a unicorn. Never forget this day." I stared into his dark brown eyes, and he stared back.

"I won't young'un, now don't you have somewhere to be?" He set me down, handed me my bag, and even gave me a little winter hat for the road! Albeit, it was kinda large, but how could I pass up something as amazing as a hat?

Ok, you guys can't tell anyone, but I seriously just d'awwed so hard when he gave me that hat. It even had a hole in it for my horn! This guy is awesome! 

You instantly love someone because they gave you a hat. You're a very naive person you know that?

"No I'm not," I laughed happily, as the man led me to the door. "I'm a pony."

"You say somethin' dear? My hearin' aint what it used to be."

"Huh? Oh, no. Nothing at all!" I replied quickly with an embarassed face.

After walking down the hall, and showing off my door opening skills, I looked to the man one last time, before I left.

"Thank you," I cried, hugging his leg before I left into the unknown. "Thanks for everything!"

"Think nothin' of it. Just doin' what I was meant to do."

This guy right here. I have to be dead. Because it is too unreal that met this guy. He fixed me up, gave me a place to sleep AND gave me an amazing scarf/hat combo! 

"Well, off you go, I suppose." He said looking down at me, still clinging to his leg. 

"Bye mister," I looked up at him. "I never did get your name, sir."

"Mitchell," he responded. "Everyone just calls me Doc. Mitchell.

With one last farewell, I stepped outside. Into the gusty autumn winds, my mane flowing in the breeze.

"Alright, here I come world. Take two!"




Authors Note: Ok, this chapter took ALOT longer to get out than I wanted, and I apologize for this! It shall not happen again. On another note, I hope you guys liked my attempt at making a d'awish chapter. If I failed, well, I won't try that again...

> Put Your Best Hoof Forward!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I stepped out into the chilly city streets, I felt the pang of sadness that had plagued my heart fade away. It's a gorgeous day and the sun in shining high in the cloudless sky. It’s fabulous days like these that help me wake up in the morning. I felt the sun shine down on me, warming my pristine white coat, and with a melancholy grin slapped against my face, I let the steady rhythm of the singing winds carry me on their breeze. 

“Oh! What horrible person would commit such animal cruelty! That purse simply does not match that scarf!”

Someone is dissing your choice of accessories. You gonna take that?

“Would you care to repeat that, darling?” I retorted with venom in my voice, as I turned to face the tasteless rat who dares to talk down upon MY sense of fashion.

“Ah! It talks!?” I heard as I turned to look at the thing and was greeted by a cringe worthy excuse of an outfit, that would be better off displayed at a cheap art gallery. The freak of fashion that stood before me was wearing a neon green leather jacket, a horrifyingly bright yellow ascot, and purple skinny jeans, but that’s not the worst of it! He also had these gaudy purple felt platform shoes AND a little sailors cap to match his jacket and tie!

“Oh dear you poor thing, did you take a wrong turn in the eighties to get lost in the seventies before finding your way here?” I say using a hoof to lessen the glare from shear gaudiness.

“See here little talking dog! You are standing in the divine presence,” he paused for a moment,  and struck a pose with his hands on his hips, “of Alonzo Alighieri!”

“I’m a unicorn, you walking hipster billboard!”

“Hipster billboard!? I am so in vogue right now! It is you who should rethink your status with that moth ridden sheepskin atop your head!”

“Hey! This fine piece of head wear was given to me by someone very special to me! So watch your mouth, you flaming freak of nature!” As the rage peaked, the following moments were filled with very colorful combinations and excessive use of Irish that would make a sailors head spin coming from Rarity’s mouth.


***

I’m not going to lie. I said a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have, but hey! He was asking for it.

“Vete a la mierda!” 

And I yelled at him in Spanish.

“Bah!” The freak-show on legs screamed in frustration and waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve haven’t the time to dally with the likes you! I must take my leave now! For I have a debut in New York to show the world how fabulous,” he paused again, “The Amazing Alonzo Alighieri really is!”

“I think not!” I interjected. “You are NOT going to New York looking like that! Not even I can allow something as atrocious as you to leave this city without the proper attire!”

Alfonso recoiled in shock. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with with my outfit!” He was practically turning red with steam coming out of his ears. “I will have you know, I crafted this beauty, and I refuse to continue to have it diminished by the likes of you!”

“Alright,” I murmured, “at least put a shirt on, or you won't even get past the city limits.”

“How dare you...” He loomed over me, casting a rather menacing shadow. He took a long  stride in my direction.

Run.

I turned tail and galloped as fast as these dainty hooves could carry me, as the chase was on. I dodged and weaved through the sea of civilians, jumping over benches, and overall being a parkour pony.

“Come back here!” I heard the madman yell from behind me. 

“And taint my eyes with that Picasso ensemble once more? Absolutely not!”

I turned on a sharp left turn, narrowly missing an incoming suitcase, yet that didn’t slow me down in the slightest. As the blur of colors passed through my vision, something caught my eye.

Dude! They are having a discount sale at Pink! Get over there and find something cute!

“Brain, I thought I was being chased by a lunatic,” I said under my breath as I ducked beneath a piano being carried by two large men.

It can wait! Go buy something!

It’s not like my thoughts have ever misled me before, right? What could go wrong?

Would you just stop thinking and go already!?

Just as I was going to gallop across the street, something abruptly stopped. Someone grabbed my tail. Big mistake, pal. I thought inwardly.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but if you don’t let go of me, I’m going to buck your face in!” I yelled as I turned to see what snagged me. Only to come face to face with Mr. Nut job himself.

“Surprise,” he said with a maniacal grin plastered on his ugly maw.

Something clicked in my brain, and I grit my teeth while looking up at the ugly face that belonged to this teletubby reject. 

“First mistake. Last mistake.”

THWUMP!

The pompous jerk became nothing more than a sniveling heap of man, as he fell to the pavement grasping his manhood; crying out in pain. 

“Not so tough now, are ya? Are ya!?”

I got a groan of pain in response.

“Get up, you little baby man!”

The disco disaster stirred, rising to his knees and looked up to me, meeting my gaze at eye level.

“Good. Now, let’s start over. Shall we?” I said as I put a hoof out to him.

“Gah!” He yelped, flinching back from the furry appendage held out to him.

“My name is Tony.” 

He lowered his hands from his face, and stared at the hoof I offered him.

“I am Alonzo Alighieri.” He said while taking the hoof in hand. “But you can call me Al.”

Hey! What happened to kicking this guys ass?

'Things change,' I replied to the voice in my head. 'Violence isn’t the answer. You know that.'

No, it’s the question! And the answer is yes!

I let out a sigh, and returned to the eyes of my now calm mardi gras outcast. I smiled at him, and helped him back onto his feet.


***

...and when I saw you with that purse and scarf, I thought you were someone's lost dog!” Al and I began laughing hysterically, as we sat at an outside cafe, having an espresso.

In the short time that I made up with him, not only did he insist that he buy me coffee, but he also apologized about the snide remark that he made about my hat.

I love that damn hat.

“Well, thank you for the coffee,” I said as I slid out of the wooden chair I had been sitting in, “but I need to get going.”

“Oh, but where could you possibly need to go right now? After all, I still haven’t taken you shopping!”

Stay on task man, remember your objectives!

“Shopping? That sounds lovely!” 

I had time to spare, right? It’s not like I’m needed right away.

“I accept your offer, my new friend! Shall we go?” 

Alonzo downed the rest of his caffeine filled beverage, he took my hoof in hand and led me down the quiet streets of Charleston to what looked like a life size doll house.

Oh boy. What have you gotten us into now, Tony?






 Authors Note: This chapter has been brought to you by my amazing little helper, Galaneth and I! He helped me through thick and thin, and had a lot of great laughs while doing so. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did have fun writing it! -Tony (Rarity)

> Shopping is Magic
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bright pastel colors hit my eyes faster than a MLB pitcher's screwball as I trotted into the painfully rainbow filled store. Immediately stopped to stare at the poorly dressed cashier. My jaw dropped at the atrocity that I was staring at. This girl had the audacity to come to work wearing a nineteen-seventies daisy summer dress. I don’t mean to rant, but yellow is definitely NOT her color, and if she was going to wear heels, they should’ve matched the dress and not be the god awful cyan they were. Secondly, if she is going to wear makeup, she should’ve used colors that complemented her skin tone, but apparently all she had was jet black.

Gah! My retinas! They burn!

With one look around the establishment, I almost cringed at the sight of the gaudy clothing. Brightly colored sweater vests, skinny jeans, and even tutus were lined up, wall to wall. Yet, I felt compelled to look around, to see if there was anything my size.

“What’s the matter, darling?” Alonso chirped in and derailed my train of thought. “Never been to such an amazing place I presume? I know it can be a bit overwhelming at first, but I promise you’ll love it here!” His smile was reassuring, although I was still unsure about the spectrum of choices this place had to offer.

What are you thinking?! There is NOTHING for you in here! Leave! Now! You don’t have time to fool around looking for clothes!

Sometimes my thoughts can be a real jerk. When has he ever been right anyways? I’ve got plenty of time! “Well. As a great man once said,” I said, looking up to my new companion. “Allons-y!” I just need some time to relax. Even if it is with my fruity friend. After all, maybe I can find a decent hoodie, or a nice pair of sunglasses.

You aren’t going to find anything pony sized! Stop being a hard ass for once and listen to me!

“Oh goodie! There is a clearance on skull caps!” Alonzo squealed in delight, clapping his hands together. He then sprinted off into the store, dragging me behind him.

***

I’m not going to lie, Alfonzo is a pretty cool guy once you get past the fruitcake of a man exterior. We must have spent at least an hour talking about our favourite style of hair, before we actually started looking at anything to buy. Now, he was wearing an oversized sombrero dancing in the middle of the store just because I placed it on his head and he was reciting some song in French that I couldn’t make heads or tails of. I almost broke into one of my infamous giggle fits, but I caught myself and decided to look at what this place had to offer.

“It’s probably going to be chilly in New York,” I said to myself, as I looked over various scarves, gloves, and winter socks. As I walked down the aisle, something shining in a bin that was labeled ‘discount’ caught my eye.

“It’s worth a look, I suppose.” I said cheerfully as I trotted over to the bin to inspect the source of the glinting object.

“Sweet Celestia of Equestria...”

Before me were a worn pair of aviation goggles.  They were dented, cracked and the left eye piece was missing. They were perfect. Secretly, I have always held a love for flight close to my heart and these goggles are the one piece that I had been missing to complete my bomber outfit. That I had been building over the years. Now, with these goggles I will finally complete my work!

You always dress in style. Don’t you?

I gave myself a nod, and went to grab the goggles in my mouth.

“WHERE DID THEY GO!?” Holy shit. my goggles are gone! I frantically searched the whole bin, even diving into the massive amounts of assorted accessories. “Holy hot hell!” I screamed while swimming through the box of clothes. “Where are they?!”

You find something you like, and what do you do? You lose it. Nice going, Einstein.

“Not now! I need to find those goggles!” I was still scrambling to find my long yearned specs. Then I heard something that made my heart sink into my stomach.

“Hey Alex! Look what I found! These are perfect for your steampunk outfit!”

I popped my head out of the pile of junk to see two teenagers, both dressed up in the steampunk genre. And I probably would have stopped to admire their outfits if it wasn’t for the fact I was about to bawl my eyes out.

“Dude, these are amazing!” The guy who I presumed was Alex said to his unnamed buddy. “Doug, how much are these? I don’t see a price tag.” Alex looked closer at the goggles, and flipped them around. “Ten bucks?” He said with a saddened voice. “I don’t have ‘nough cash. Doug, can you spot me a five?”

Doug turned his pockets inside out. “I ain't got nothin man.”

Alexs face darkened and started to walk back over to the bin I was in to put them back.

Sweet! Now you can get them and complete that sick outfit of yours! Then you can wear it once you are human again!

‘Two things wrong with that statement, brain,’ I said back to my own thoughts. ‘That would be if I turn human again and I’m not buying those goggles for me.’

Tony, can’t you just enjoy something in your life without giving something up for someone else? I mean, you do this all the time! You’ve got to stop being the nice guy! Just look at this guy. He’s done nothing for you and you are telling me that you are going to buy him a pair of goggles that he probably doesn’t deserve?!

‘Eeyup.’

You are so dense at times, Tony! Why do you have to help everyone you meet?

“I gotta pay it forward. Someone helped me out, I gotta help someone else.” I said aloud just as the steampunked teen got to the bin. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me.

“Wait! Before you freak out, I just wanted to ask you if you would mind if I bought you those goggles.” I exasperated right as I ran out of breath. Alex only looked at me and reached a hand as if he was about to touch me.

“Yes, I am real and no, I do not want to be petted.” His hand retracted immediately.

“Holy moley. You’re Rarity.” He was speechless for a moment. “And you are wearing a russian winter hat.”

“Yes, yes, yes. The hat is amazing, but you didn’t answer my question, darling.”

“Y- yeah, s- sure! I mean, thanks man! I mean, lady Rarity.” He then proceeded to fanboy freakout as a levitated the goggles back into his hands and gave him a ten dollar bill.

“Have a nice day, sweetie!” I waved him off with a reassuring hoof. “Enjoy whatever convention you are going to!” With this, Alex ran over to his buddy with his goggles in hand and was telling him how ‘he found ten bucks on the floor.’

What is your major malfunction, Tony?! You just gave away one fifth of your cash!

‘There is nothing more fabulous in the world than helping someone and making their day better.’

I could practically see my thoughts groan and flip me the bird. With a sigh, I jumped down from the bin, and walked back to Al, who was chatting with the cashier.

“..and then I said, peanut? That’s my wife!” Apparently he was telling bad jokes, but he had the girl in tears.

“Hey, Al!” I began pulling on his pant leg. “Can we go now? I can’t find anything I like.”

Alonzo looked down at me. “Huh? What? Oh. Yeah, okay.” He said absent mindedly.

I face hoofed again; this time I made sure to not give myself a concussion.

“Al! I’m leaving now. Thanks for the coffee and showing me this store.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure. See you when I get there.”

“Damn it Al.” With a grunt, I trotted out of the store onto the sidewalk. “Well. To the bus station, Tony.” I sighed and got a move on, trotting down the now empty streets. “At least it isn’t raining-,” a sharp crack of thunder cut me off, and it started pouring down. I looked to the now darkening skies.

“Well, ain’t this something.” I instantly ran under a bus stop to avoid getting soaked any further. After all, the last thing I need now is pneumonia.

“And now we play the waiting game.” I said bluntly into the now storming streets of Charleston.

Why don’t we play the silent game as well?

“You lose.”

Touche’




A/N: Hey again readers. Bringing you all a late night chapter in my struggles to get to the big apple. Hope you guys enjoy it. Feel free to comment on anything I need to work on, or just things or like about this chapter in particular. -Tony (Rarity)
> Hard Rain
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m stuck under a bus stop in the middle of a rain storm with nothing to keep me busy. Lucky me. Only the steady sound of raindrops beating on the roof above me to keep me company.

And what am I, tree bark? I’m here too!

Oh, and my insane thoughts of injustice and discouragement are here too. “Yeah, how could I possibly forget about you?” I muttered as I scratched my ear with a hind hoof. Which was surprising, since I didn’t think I was that flexible. With all silliness aside, I reached for my bag,  and yet again, seemed to have forgotten that I am a pony and uselessly bumped my hoof against the leather bag. I cursed under my breath and felt my magical aura envelope the bag.

“I’ve at least gotta see if there’s anything on the interwebs to do.”

With a quick unzipping and rustling through the scant supplies I brought with me, I found my phone and set it down in front on me.  After tentatively dragging a hoof across the delicate screen of my phone, I clicked the internet browser icon. As the screen loaded up, a news headline was plastered over the front page.

People Transforming into Ponies!

“Well then. That’s reassuring.” I murmured as I continued reading the loading article.

Since Monday of this week, people across the world have been waking up as fictional characters across from the hit kids T.V show “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” The creator of the show herself, has been transformed into the shows monarch, Princess Celestia. Also, Lauren Faust has requested that anyone that has woken up as any of the Main Six protagonists that they should report to her in New York immediately. It has been advised to anyone that encounters these “ponies” that they should not interfere with their travels.

Under that were a few pictures of six ponies that people should watch out for. Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, AppleJack, and of course, me. Well, a picture of Rarity, not me.

While staring at the picture of Rarity, a rush of nausea swept over me, making me feel woozy.

“I think I’m going to be sick...”

The pain in my stomach subsided and I heard an audible grumble emanating from my gut.

“I think it’s lunch time.” With a quick check of the time, I decided that it would be best if I got a move on now, rather than wait for the storm to end.

You got another problem there, genius.

I groaned, then let out a reply. “And what would that be?”

There isn’t a place you can eat, unless you want to bite down on a beef burger.

“Hardys serves grilled cheese. So ha! In your face, know it all!”

BOOM!

SPLASH!

Suddenly a loud crack of thunder sent me flailing off my seat into mud puddle.

“Yeah, well screw you too nature!” I yelled at the black skies. “You and your damn rain! You know what? No. I’m not even going to give you the satisfaction of yelling at you!”

Stop whining.

“I am NOT whining! I am- aw damn it!” In my frustration, I knocked my phone in the a puddle too, and was turning off. Instantly I dropped back down and plucked it out of the water, hoping it wasn’t ruined.

You have some amazing luck, you know that?

“Yeah, I know.” I joked sarcastically while rolling my eyes. With my phone covered in a blue aura, I sighed and put it back in my bag, and attempted to stand on all fours. As I did so, my stomach lurched and cried out for sustenance.

“I know, I know. I’m getting there.” I grumbled to myself as I walked out from under my shelter. Into the cold rain.

***

“I’m walking on sunshine! Woooaaahhh! And it makes me feel good!”

You are making an ass of yourself again.

“I don’t see anyone out here,” I laughed as I happily pronked through the rain. “Weee!”

I feel like I’m on cloud nine right now. There’s no other way to put it. When you are as excited as me, there is no bringing me down. Unless there is an upset kitten. That’s kinda sad. But we are not thinking about that right now! We are happy! Because I am dancing in the rain in front of a Hardys!

Stop acting stupid and go get your diabetes on a bun.

“Oh! Right, that’s why I’m here! Thanks brain!”

Just act natural. Don’t do anything stupid.

With a hop, skip and a jump, I charged through the doors of the near empty fast food joint with gusto and trotted up to the front counter.

“Hi!” I piped up, as I placed my hooves on the counter and grabbed the cashiers attention. Who, jerked up at the sound of my voice. “I’d like a grilled cheese and a bottle of water, if you don’t mind,” I said, still smiling up at the guy manning the register.

“Yeah, that’ll be,” he cut himself off and had to do a double take, then really got a good look at me. “What the hell?” He blurted out. “What are you?!”

“What are you, blind? I’m a pony.” I laughed at the silly question. “You know, four legs, cutie mark, hooves and all that nice stuff. You’ve been watching the news, right?”

There you go. You done fucked up.Not even ten seconds in, and what did you do? You. Fucked. Up! What the hell is wrong with you Tony?!

“Oh! Hey, I heard about this shit going down all over the world. You know, people waking up as ponies an’ shit, but didn’t think I was going to meet one!” He started to rant. “ I mean, damn! This day just got pretty cool! What are the odds that I would meet someone famous?”

“I really not that famou-”

“Hey, can I get a picture with you? I bet my brother would be so jealous if I did!”

“Can I please just order my foo-”

Ooh, can you do, like magic and shit? Can I see? Oh! Can I get it on video?” He continued on his rant as he grabbed his phone.

Stay cool Tony. Don’t freak out on the poor guy.

“HEY!” I yelled at the bumbling idiot. “Shut the hell up! I haven’t eaten since yesterday and I am starving! Now, will you please just take my order?!” I screamed as the adrenaline was starting to flow through me again and my breathing getting heavy in annoyance.


“Woah, woah. Sorry, man.” The boy said, putting his hands up. “Sorry, I got carried away.”

***

I really don’t want to talk about what happened in the following ten minutes after that, but I suppose I have to. In the few minutes after talking to the cashier, the damn restaurant ended up messing my order up to all hell. Not to mention the kid that asked me a million and one questions about me being a pony and why I had a boys name. Then his mom came over and wanted to get a picture of me with him and I refused and caused a big fuss over that. All in all, my attitude went from happy go lucky, straight to ‘I don’t give a fuck.’

By the time I left the Hardys, the rain stopped, which was good, because I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. Now I’m sloshing through the puddles of water, while eating my boot tasting sandwich.

“Yeah, this is great. Eat a shit sammich, now I have to ride a bus for eight hours. What could go wrong?” 





A/N:Have a chapter! It's late. But it's here. So, enjoy.

> The MMM
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the sandwich incident and throwing the wrapper away, I kept on galloping down the street. Not moving to avoid large puddles in my way. After all, I have one directive; make it to New York. That’s all that matters.

That may be, but what about your mane? It’s soaked!

I suddenly stopped to look at my reflection in a nearby puddle. In return I had a messy mane unicorn with a ushanka atop her head staring back at me. The sight of the animalistic style and split ends made me want to faint.

“Egads! How could I possibly let this happen to my once beautiful mane?” I gasped as I put a hoof to my forehead and swooned.

“Oh we will get that fixed right up.” I heard an old and squeaky female voice say, just before a collar was snapped around my neck, and something hit me in the back of the head, knocking me out.

I awoke in an alley, with a towel of some sort wrapped around me, and a leash leading to the grubby hand of an obese homeless woman who had frizzy hair and a very wide grin. My mane, incidentally, was now combed straight down and clean. although it was not my normal style.

Rarity’s normal style. I mentally corrected myself.

Regardless, there were more important things going on.

“Oh hey, my mane doesn’t look like shit anymore. How nice.” I murmured as I looked up to the hobo. “You know you could’ve just said something, instead of...” I said as the realisation of what just happened slowly came to me.

You must be dense if you think she really just wanted to fix your hair.

“Ooooh the pony is awake!” The woman said with a grin and clap of her hands. She moved up to me and pulled me into a hug by the neck.

“You’ll be Mim’s new pet! We will have all sorts of fun, killing all the gardens, running out on checks, we could even burn down a house or two!” She said gleefully, her rank odor and filthy clothes pressing against me and inciting a quickly rising panic.

“Let go of me!” I coughed while in the choking force of the lady’s death grip. “I am NOT anyone's pet either!”

I say stay with her. Burning houses sounds like fun.

Mim only laughed, picking me up off the ground and swinging me from side to side. In the process I became far more acquainted with her chest than I would have preferred.

“Oooooh you don’t have a choice, dearie! When the Madam Mim decides she wants a pet, she gets a pet!” She finally, blissfully set me down to let me alternatively gasp for air and kiss the concrete, only to turn back to the box she apparently lived in.

“I want lots of pets! You know any other ponies? The nice man told me I could have all the ponies for pets.” She said, swooning when she said ‘nice man’.

Time to break out the ol’ Tony smarts, bro.

“Well.” I said innocently. “I might know a few. If you take this collar of me, might tell you.”

Mim smiled and snapped her fingers. The leash and collar vanished. “Go ahead, pony. Where are other ponies?”

With a sly smile, I pronounced, “Lady, you are smart. Right? Then how did you let some fool trick you into thinking I was a pony?” Immediately I reached into my bag on my side, pulling out my stuffed elephant. “THIS is a pony.”

I cannot believe you just did that. You are going to need a miracle to get out of this. Dumbass.

She laughed and snapped her fingers again, this time the leash appeared both on the stuffed elephant and my neck. “Now I have a pony and a fake pony! Let’s go for a walk, dearie.” She said, dragging me and the stuffed animal as she walked out of the alleyway.

“This is all your fault, Ele. You aren’t a good pony at all.” I muttered under my breath as to not let the hag hear me. The stuffed elephant did not reply.

Time for plan B. I thought inwardly. With a sharp glance to my left, I spotted a lone trash can lid and felt my magical grip envelope it. As a sly smile cut across my face, I tossed the lid like a frisbee at my target.

The trash can lid hit Mim with full force but, upon touching her it turned into a cloud of feathers and made a squeaking sound.

“I’m sorry, dearie. did you say something?” She asked, turning around and laughing at me. “Ooooh the look on your face! Priceless! No but really now, you must be more polite. That could have hurt me.” She scolded. “Bad pet.”

Okay, plan B sucked. Time for plan C.
I looked up at her with puppy dog eyes. “I’m sorry Mim. I just wanted to play.”

The sudden grin on her face made my stomach sink.

“Oh! Play? Playing is fun! What should we play? Firetruck?”

A nearby car was suddenly a firetruck, which both crushed the cars next to it and had it’s sirens turned on full blast, making it very hard to hear mim’s rambling.

“Hide and go seek?”

A passer bye who was looking in shock at the firetruck suddenly covered his eyes, screaming something about being blind as he curled up on the ground.

“What game would you like to play?” She asked me as all the sound stopped and she leaned in to me eagerly.

A quick glance around, and it seemed like nothing was amiss. The passer bye was looking at us with an odd expression, but that was to be expected when you see a crazed homeless woman talking to her pet unicorn.

“Ah, no. I don’t like baby games like that!” I said shakily while trying to regain my composure. “How about a card game?”

What are you going to do? Play poker and bet your freedom?

“A... card game?” She asked, enthralled. “You mean tarot cards? I could tell you your future. It always ends in death, really. Big spoiler there.” She chuckled.

I gulped as I realised how knee deep in shit I really was. “No, ma’am. I was thinking a gentleman's game. Like poker. Or if you prefer board games, I’m solid at chess.”

You’re just stalling.

“Oooh, I know chess. yes, lets play chess.” A chess board was suddenly summoned into existance. It happened to be roughly the size of a car, and in place of one of the knights was a little figure of Rarity. On the other side.

On my side, one of the Bishops was replaced by the Mad Madam Mim.

“Let’s play.” She cackled.
> Fun and Games
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

A slow chill crawled down my spine as I stared down at the porcelain chess board and its marble soldiers atop it. I took particular notice in the black marble knight on Madam Mims side of the board that resembled me. The sight of the crafted piece made me feel uneasy, as if I had some sort of connection to it. With a glance back up to Mim and I inquired a lone question, “Any special rules you want to lay out before we begin?”

The witch let a diabolical smile tear across her face and that’s all the answer I needed. “Why, yes dear,” she hissed. “You see the bishop that mirrors my beauty? Well, that represents me, the glorious Madam Mim! Likewise, the knight on my side is you,” she cackled while pointing a fat finger at the piece in question.

“Why do I have a bishop that looks like you then?”

Mim’s toothy grin widened to inhumane lengths that only made my levels of paranoia sky rocket. “This piece is you, silly pony.” She giggled as the knight was hovered in my face. “If you take it with one of your pieces, you lose.” With a clap of her hands, a chain was formed around my neck; holding me in place to the ground. “Likewise with the bishop, pony. You can use it to take my pieces, but it cannot capture queens or be used to checkmate.”

Well, Tony. I do hope you know what you are doing. I really don’t feel like being a mad woman's pet. Said a familiar voice in my mind, yet something wasn’t quite right about my thoughts word structure and the lack of cuss words.

“Without further ado,” I curtly replied to Mim. “Let us begin,” I retorted with as much poshness in my voice as I could muster. The white marble pawn in front of my left rook surged forward and almost seemed to  hold human like qualities. He is after all, my front lines man. Merely a disposable pawn in my strategy to show this old hag I mean business.

And you are showing this, by beating her at chess? I’m not sure how this will turn out, darling.

I’m just going to go on record and say that there is definitely something wrong with that statement. The missing onslaught on taunts and put downs was a bit frightening.

What are you talking about? Of Course you can beat her! Whatever made you think you couldn’t?

Yep. I’m scared now. There is no way in bloody hot hell that I can beat her. Nope. I should just give up right now. Be her pet forever. It’s not like it can be that bad, right?

Move over princess! A manly voiced ordered in my thinkbox and the sound of a door opening and being slammed shut was heard. Get ahold of yourself, private! Boomed the loud overbearing voice in my ears. Here I thought you were a man, not a sniveling baby! Know this, you are NOT going to let this old bag of bones beat you! You will not surrender! You will not retreat! If fighting will result in victory, then you must fight!

After the little commander in my head finished his rant, I could hear a chuckle followed by the steady beat of boots beating against tile floors of my brain.

“It’s your turn, pony.” Mims craggly voice brought me back into the crazy reality that I have come to know as life. I craned my neck upwards and looked to Mim. Her shape had changed and was now taking on the appearance of a thin woman wearing a red skin tight dress with a cigarette in one hand. The sight of the pompous hag made my blood boil.

“I’m waiting, dear.” She snickered, while flicking ash off of her cancer stick.

Show her what for!

I gave myself a nod; returning my gaze to our battlefield. Mim mirrored my move, pushing her pawn forward, as if mocking my decision.

***

Our game has been raging on for what I would say about an hour. We constantly put each other in check, only to push the limits of how far our moves could take us. Yet she seemed to be a step ahead of me. She didn’t falter in her strategy and I swear she could’ve beaten me with a flick of the wrist.

“Rook takes bishop.” I pronounced proudly, as I seized her piece. “And that’s check.”

Mim raised a curious eyebrow and studied the board. After a short evaluation of the move, she grudgingly moved her queen to protect the heart of her army.

“I underestimated you, girl.” Mim hissed.

“Actually,” I chuckled as the rook slid down the glass arena to take the enemy queen, “I’m a guy. Well. I was a guy but now I take on the appearance of a white unicorn. That happens to be a mare...”

Whatever you do, don’t think about losing your manhood!

‘I’m going to kick your ass so hard one day.’ I mentally replied.


While I had my chit chat with my brain, Mim was busy howling in laughter at the thought of her little pet unicorn being a boy.

“Hey!” I shouted to break her from the affliction of giggles. “We have a game to play and you're laughing your ass off!”

Mim went silent for a moment and looked down at me with fiercely glowing eyes.“Killjoy.” Mim muttered as she smashed the marble rook with her king, sending pieces of rock everywhere.

Now it was I with the mad hatter esque grin. She fell right into my trap! Now I have to execute it without fault and I shall be the victor!

***

My plan failed. Horribly. Not only did I mess up my assault, but my defense was just as screwed up. So, of course Mim took advantage of these faults, pushing my efforts across the board.

“Check!” She squealed.

Well. Damn. There doesn’t seem to be much of a way out of this. Unless...

“Stalemate!” I yelled back at her; driving my last rook next to her king. “We’re both losers!”

Mim returned my comment with a flushed, enraged face. “No!” She screamed back. “I always win! I don’t lose!”

“But I-”

”Ever!” Mim slammed her feet on the ground, causing the chessboard to shatter into thousands of pieces. “No more games!” She shrieked.

Things are about to get really bad. Really fast. I suggest you run. Like, now.

I jumped up, and began to make a break for it; to get tugged back by the leash that held me down. I felt the hags presence behind me and rolled out of the way just as she brought a boot down where I once lay, leaving a crack in the concrete.

“Eep!” Instantaneously, I bit down on the leash that I restricted me, leaving the taste of leather in my mouth.

Riiiiiiiiip!

I broke free from the collar just as Mim hurled a sphere of malicious magic at me.

“No more games, pony! You upset Mad Madam Mim!” The hag screeched. “‘I’ll kill you!”

To be continued...


A/N: I haven't posted a new chapter in over a week and I feel bad. I'm sorry guys, I've been busy with family and school stuff. I promise I will get back  to my chapter every two days routine!

> Fight or Flight
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four options stood before me as I gazed into Mims horrifyingly grim eyes. One: Run like my life depends on it. (Because it does.) Two: Surrender. Three: Try to reason with her. (Not likely.) Four: I face Mim head on with no regrets and possibly end up getting my hide torn asunder by her might.

Running doesn’t sound like that bad of an option, dear.

“I DO NOT LOSE!” Mim screeched as shards of the street jutted upwards around us like teeth made of broken pipes and asphalt, surrounding us.

If fighting will result in victory, then you must fi-

I didn’t even let the thought finish before I felt a burning sensation hit my head. I charged Mim like a bull with no regret.

She turned herself into a literal bull, snorting as she took to the charge as well.

Immediately, my snap-to reflexes took control, sending me into a slide that got me under and past the pissed off taurus.

With a furious roar, Mim turned herself into a wolf, spinning around to face me. “I will tear you apart, cheating pony.”

I felt my magical grip pick up the nearest object next to me. A dull red brick. “It’s not my fault you don’t know how to play!” I braced myself for the next charge that felt only mere moments away.

It came in the form of a pounce, as Mim lunged at me with claws and teeth bared, aiming to snap my neck or something equally as painful and lethal.

As she came down upon me, I shoved the brick into her open maw and with nothing but hope on my side. I attempted return the attack with full force. Although Rarity’s dainty body structure wasn’t built for the physical stress that I practiced on almost a daily basis, it held firm as I barreled into the snarling beast that was Madam Mim.

With a resounding crack, the buck broke the red brick into pebbles in the wolf’s mouth, and most likely shattered her jaw. Ponies may be small, but most of their muscle is in their hind legs.

Mim collapsed to the ground next to me, eyes wide as she frantically tried to shift back to her natural shape, her body now bruised and her jaw hanging askew. Raw magic flowed from her hands into her jaw but I could almost see her age as she used her power to heal herself, finally she crawled away from me, gasping for air.

“This isn’t over, pony.” She rasped, and then all she was, was a hummingbird, flitting away into the sky.

“Yes, you’d better run!” I shouted into the now darkening autumn clouds. “Maybe next time I won’t simply mess up that ugly snout of yours!” An overwhelming sense of pride took over me as I lowered myself to the cold concrete.

You did good, darling.

The thought brought a little sunshine into my smile, and I looked around with that dopey smile on my face before I realized that I was still quite trapped in a ring of stone and metal.

“Hello? Anyone out there?” I hollered, starting to panic a bit.

“Is that... The pony?” A voice said from the other side.

My ears perked up as the voice called out to me. “Yes!” I cried out, “it’s me! Please, get me out of this filthy place!”

“Hold on, ma’am, we are getting a ladder truck down here. Are you injured?” The man shouted back.

“Just a few scrapes and bruises!” I replied in a raspy voice. “But, if you don’t mind, please hurry.”

“Certainly. Is the crazed woman still in there?”

“Long gone, sir!” I shouted back, my voice growing weaker.

“Okay, just stay tight and we will have you out in no time.”

Sirens in the distance herald the arrival of the ladder truck, and shortly a ladder and a man in a harness dangling off it are lowered over the side, to pick me up and deposit me on the outside of the trap. From the outside the devastation is more pronounced, the ground folded up like leaves to create the battleground. Cars are flipped over and water is spewing from underground pipes as I am led away and to a police car at a safe distance to give a report.

“So, start from the top.” The officer in charge says after turning on a recording machine.

I let out a long sigh and returned my eyes to the officer. “I woke up like this, yesterday. Five thirty, sharp. I saw the news and left immediately for New York.” I said to the Sergeant in blue, thoroughly explaining my two-day venture in full detail. Right up to the point of being kidnapped by a madwoman out of a cartoon.

“...and after I ate the sandwich, I saw my mane was a complete mess. So, I was going to stop and fix it, but I found myself being knocked out before hand.” I sullenly prodded my straightened mane. “When I came to, I found myself going toe to toe with that crazy witch lady. Not to mention that damn game of chess we played.”

“Wait... you played a game of chess with someone that knocked you out?” The officer asked, obviously confused.

“Well, it was that or be strangled in a death grip.” I replied with a small laugh. “She wanted to keep me as a damn pet!” I cried out, clinging to my small stuffed friend.

“Well, that does sound terrible.” He said, patting me on the head in his best imitation of comforting a witness. “So what happened after the chess game?”

“She flipped out on me because I caught her in a stalemate! So she went all crazy shape-shifty and attacked me!” I quipped, throwing my hooves into the air to add effect.

“So she was the one who tore up the street, that wasn’t you?” He asked.

I looked up at him questioningly. “Look at me.” I deadpanned. “Do I really look like a monster that could tear up a street like it was cardboard?” I asked, pointing to the scene of attack.

“To be honest, Ms. Bell, we don’t know what unicorns are capable of yet. The police force has a few theories and tricks but we don’t know what you can do. Though I will be happy to buy you dinner and set you up with a hotel on the tab of Charleston’s police department if you are willing to help us test some anti magic devices. I promise none of them will hurt you.”

Free food and a place to stay for the night? And all you have to do is take a test! Don’t mess this up, I need some R&R!

“That depends.” I said back to the man. “If I can have a full spa day treatment and a working computer to use. You’ve got yourself a deal. Oh, and I need a hat. I seem to have lost mine.”

After a moment, I realize that my hat is nowhere to be found, and I start to tear up. “It meant a lot to me.”

The officer was taken off guard as he again patted me on the head. “I.... will check with the crime scene folks, see if it was picked up in the sweep, okay? Let me wrap up here, officer Alriez will stay with you until I get back.”

The aforementioned officer nodded to me with an understanding smile, before taking off her officers cap and setting it on my head at a slant. “Until you get yours back.” She said gently.

I looked up to the woman, the way a newborn pup would to it’s own mother and carried a set of puppy dog eyes that could drill into anyone's soul to make them cry. I reached up to her, shaking my hooves trying to get my hooves in a hug around her.

The officer looked around, not wanting her superiors to see her breaking formality, but finally she leaned down and took me into an embrace. “Everything will work out, hun.” She said, in the same tone as one would say to a child, but I didn’t mind. For a bit there, that is what I needed.

> Holding Onto Hope
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alriez left me in the backseat of a police cruiser while the other officers searched the scene for any evidence of Mad Madam Mims existence. A large officer returned to me shortly after she left, while the others continued the search.

“Is this yours, ma’am?” The fat man in blue asked, holding a brown leather purse out to me. “Found it over in the alley.” He said modestly while scratching the back of his neck.

I let out a squeal in delight as I wrenched the bag from officer tubby. “Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou!” I hugged the bag as soon as my furry little hooves made contact with the it and instantly started rummaging through it to see if any of my gear had survived.

“Oh thank Celestia!” I exclaimed in glee as the contents of the purse were emptied on the seat next to me. “Phone? Check. Makeup? Check! Money? Check-a-roo!”

“Excuse me, sweetie?” Said a more than familiar female voice. “I hate to tell you this, but none of the officers found anything else at the crime scene.” Alriez bit her lip then sighed. “I didn’t find your hat either, dear.”

I sat on the plush back seat of the cruiser in silence. Letting the words sink in.

Don’t worry, dear. We can find you a new hat. Much better than that ratty old one of yours. How about a fedora? You like fedoras, right?

“And you want your hat back, I presume?” I deadpanned as the blue cap slid off of my head.

Alriez’s face went red as she took the blue garment in hand. She said nothing for several moments, nor did she meet my eyes.

“Thanks for letting me wear it though.” I said with cheer in my voice, breaking the silence. “It’s not the end of the world or anything. After all, I can get a new one.”

Alriez bent down into the car seat next to me in the cruiser and completely dropped the formal act. “So, what’s your name, kid?” She paused for a moment. “I mean, your real name.”

“Tony.” I responded bluntly, the cheer leaving my voice.

“Wait...” She put a hand up to her chin, processing my response. “Isn’t that a boys name?”

I craned my neck to face her. “Keep those gears turnin’ sweetheart.” I say with a soft chuckle.

“Soooo, you’re a guy? Wow, that’s gotta be really... Awkward.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.” I concur. “But you’ve gotta admit. I look pretty good. After all, I’m in the body of the most fabulous unicorn on the face of the earth.”

“How old are you?” Alriez broke my thought bubble as she leaned closer to me.

“Fifteen.”

“Where are you from?”

“Texas. Dallas, to be exact.”

“Do you like oranges?”

“No.”

“Awww, why not?”

“Can we stop playing twenty questions?”

“No. I ask if you like oranges, because that’s pretty much all we’ve got left to eat that’s fit for a pony back at the station. Though I am sure when they take you to wherever they are going to do the testing, they will have more food for you.” She explains, getting into the drivers seat and starting the cruiser.

“Good.” I mutter. “They better, because I hate oranges.”

As the car pulls away from the curb, I lay my head on the seat next to me. After all, it’s been a long day and I desperately need a nap. Between idiot cashiers and that nutjob, Mim. Sleeping is the first thing on my mind as the low rumble of the engine accelerating down the twisting and turning streets of Charleston made my eyelids heavier than a fresh fallen pine. My vision darkens as we go through through a tunnel. forcing my eye to take shelter from the soon to come sunshine.

***

The familiar weight of blankets draped over me brings my eyes to open. I’m greeted by a chalky white ceiling, with a lone naked bulb providing light for the room. My head turned to the right and I was face to face with a small figure laying next to me. It was no larger than a newborn child. The heaving mass of fur stirred and unfurled.

“Mrrow?”

The small mass of fur was my cat, Lucky. In all her brilliance, she had somehow found me, and decided to take a nap with her owner.

“That’s some animal loyalty.” Said a gruff male voice that I knew very well. For it was my own. The voice I’ve owned and loved for fifteen short years. “Well, damn,” came the voice again. “Is it over? Did I miss something?” I asked as Lucky walked over to me, rubbing her own little furry face against my own. Every hair and whisker that made contact with my skin; I felt every tingling hair against my soft flesh. I raised an arm to pet her, analysing the rising limb in all it’s glory. The light cinnamon skin tone, the scars that adorn my hand and wrists. Even my nails were bitten down to nubs as I examined them.

So why wasn’t I happy to have myself back?

“Aw for the sake of luck.” I mumble. “I’m fucking dreaming!”

“Language, darling.”

I bring my attention to the other voice, that sounds vaguely familiar.

“It should sound familiar, you've been using it for some time now.” The unicorn says with a roll of her eyes. “Oh, sorry. I’m supposed to wait for you to actually say things out loud before replying hehe.” She chuckles with an apologetic smile.

The sight of the alabaster unicorn brings a very important thought to mind. “Why are you in my dreams?!”

“Oh my, this calls for a... metaphor? Comparison, anyway.” With a flash she summons an apple and an orange. “The orange is you, by the way.” she says with a wink.

The two fruits move through the air to rest against each other.

“This is what it’s like for two ponies to talk to eachother.” She says with a teacher-like aloofness.

The two fruits then get cut in half and two halves rest together making a sphere. “This is what it’s like for two ponies to share a mind.”

Then she takes the two fruit and smashes them together with a dry smile. “That’s what we are like. Make sense dearie?”

I gave a simple nod in response. “Yeah. I get it.”

“Wonderful! I have to say, when I woke up in your mind, I felt quite guilty! I had almost immediate access to everything, no walls of mistrust or fake selves, quite.... Generous with yourself, aren't you?” She breaks down laughing, before composing herself. “Sorry, I’ve been holding onto that one for ages now.”

“Yeah, funny.” I reply dryly. The corners of my mouth begin to turn up as her joke sets in. “That’s not funny.” I remove the covers that had done a horrid job at keeping me warm. I was shaking as I rolled my legs off the bed first, planting them securely on the carpet below.

“Then why are you smiling?” She points out. “I may not be Applejack, but you can trust my word when I tell you I have not abused your openness.”

I take a few deep breaths, trying to dismiss the dizzy feeling that hit me as I rose. “I guess you want me to feel reassured, knowing you didn’t go snooping around my mind like a spy.”

Her eyes droop to the carpeted floor. “I don’t expect you to be reassured, no. I have come to know you over the last day or two too well for that, but I expect you to then understand my own reluctance to let this happen. I am as secretive as you are, dear. But in a few moments, whether we delay it by staying asleep or not, you are going to start hearing my thoughts. This one sided viewing I have been doing is going to change.”

I rise to my feet, faltering a moment but I regain my center of balance. “Good.” I simply reply. “I’m going to need as much help to hold myself together as I can get. Knowing you’re here is enough for me. Even if this is my first time meeting you...”

“Outside of watching the show, you mean.” Rarity said, quietly.

My teeth clench, as they always do when I’m nervous. “Yeah...” My eyes soon drop to the floor as well.

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t bother looking to see which of us was your favorite!” She says, feebly trying to lighten the mood.

I let out a half hearted chuckle as I bend down on one knee, so to be at her level. “Sure you didn’t.” I say, letting my giggly self get the better of me. “And I’m sure didn’t read my memories like a diary.” As I finish the sentence my laughter takes over and I’m laughing myself to tears. “We’re in this together, aren't we?” I managed through the storm of laughter.

She starts to chuckle. “Till the bitter end, my dear. As frightening as that may be.” After our laughter dies down, we sit smiling and chuckling for a bit before she remembers something.

“I did have a question, however.”

“What’s that?” I reply sweetly.

“What is this nonsense about Pinkie being a ponicidal monster? Is that just some crazy po... person, or do people actually read that sort of thing?”
I let out a long sigh and clear my throat. “Some people... Have these crazy imaginations” I begin, adding as much mystery as I could to my words as they left my lips. “People often write stories based off of things seen in the... Ah, show. Sometimes these stories are harmless, and are actually quite cute. But others...” My voice trails off. “Aren’t so nice.”

“They really think Pinkie would kill one of us? Do they not know the meaning of harmony? are they really so...” She starts to rant, grinding a hoof into the carpet.

“No, no, no! Not everyone out there is a nutcase! I personally think it’s complete bullsh- Ah. Crap.” I rack my brain, searching for something to say, to persuade her that not all humans are completely psycho. An idea comes to mind. “Apples!” I say aloud to her. “People are like apples!”

Rarity raises an eyebrow, but lets me continue after adding “And oranges.”

I glare at her a moment, she really knew how to rile me up. “You know the saying, one bad apple spoils the bunch? Well, it’s the same thing with people. You get the wrong impression off of one fella, and now you’re thinkin’ everyones’ a crazy freak. But that ain’t true, lemme tell ya!”

“You’re right. I would hate to see what your kind would think of us if they had only seen the adventures of that abomination, Trixie.” She says as though the name itself tasted of failure and scorn.

“Exactly! It’s just like that. If I only saw what that two-faced sonofabitch at work, hell. I’d probably think all y’all ponies are nothing but trouble.”

Rarity just looks at me with a smile. “You and Applejack... I can’t help but find anything said in that accent adorable.” She says, shaking her head. “But my voice is not suited for it, I tried once. Thought I would fit in with the appleloosa crowd, not my brightest idea.”

At the mentioning of my accent, my face burned. “I could see why.” I said, trying my best at hiding the rough southern accent that has followed me all these years. “After all, you’re too dazzling  to fit in with rough and rowdy ponies like that.”

“Well, I think we are about to wake up, and I have a feeling this day will be... interesting. Chin up!” She said, just as the room shook violently, and I awoke to the cruiser going over the speed bump outside the police station.

It’s going to be hell trying to readjust to a pony’s body again...

Tap tap tap.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty. We’re here.” Said the driver, tapping on the tinted window of the cruiser. She popped open the door, holding a hand out to me as I drowsily stepped out of the car onto the cold hard pavement.

“Welcome to Precinct Thirteen.” She pronounced under the low light of the moon.

“Great, now can I just have something to eat?”


Questions, comments, concerns? Leave them below.

> Lab Rat
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s a cool night tonight. The breeze blew my straightened mane into my eyes, but I don’t mind. With a push of a hoof, I knocked the stray hairs out of my face to get a good view of the station. It’s a low roofed building with blue walls, tinted out windows and a large number thirteen atop it. Yeah, it’s just a police station. Nothing special about it.

“Let’s get this over with.” I grumble as I trot next to Alriez. “After all, what could go wrong?”

As soon as I step hoof in the pristine police station, my heart starts up like a nascar racer. Instantly, my blood pump goes into overtime. My eyes absorbing every little detail of the room and awaiting officers. The bleach white walls and shining blue tile flooring makes me uneasy. Not to mention the dozen men and women dressed in blue who must have been predicting my arrival. Their many eyes bore down upon me, feeling naked against their gaze. I must have screamed, for the once busy lobby now went silent. All of their eyes were on me.

A wave of dizziness washed over me and I feel myself hit the floor. I suddenly feel a pair of feminine arms wrap around me, and my hooves take to the air off of the cold tile floor. My heart continues it’s endeavor to beat itself out of my chest while a gentle voice speaks soft tones of courage into my ears.

“It’s okay dear.”

Blue and red lights flashing...

“You’ll be just fine.”

A sheet of darkness obscures my vision...

“Just stay calm.”

I can feel myself start to hyperventilate, my breaths growing more and more shallow with each inhale.

“Deep breathes, dear.”

The last sentence was lost in transmission as my eyes get heavy and the familiar feeling of unconsciousness overwhelms me.

“Hrrnngh.” Was the last thing to escape my lips.

^v^v^v^v^v^v^

You know what I really like? Planes. I LOVE planes. Especially if I get to look out the window and look at all the little things below that would normally be big! You know when I DON’T like planes? When I get thrown out of one at break neck speeds and I’m falling towards a churning dark blue ocean. Did I mention how deathly afraid of the ocean I am? No? Well, I am very fucking afraid of the ocean. End of story.

“AHHH!” I screamed, flailing my arms around as I plummeted.

Ok, not end of story. I’ve still got a good, what? Six thousand feet to go? Yeah, that sounds about right. After all, falling dreams never last too long. Right?

“Your fear of water is quite irrational, darling.” Said a posh voice as the air rushed past my ears.

Still falling.

“What are you afraid of? Sharks?”

I turned my head and saw Rarity falling next to me with an orange in hoof. Oh, and that water is getting pretty close...

“You’re more likely to get hit by a car!” Rarity said with a soft giggle.

Oh, look! A pelican!

“You should face your fears.” She said, poking me in the chest with a white hoof. “I’m right behind you.” She said with a wink...

SPLASH!

I hit the water with enough force to break my neck, yet I was still alive... With Rarity right next to me, eating that... damn... orange.

“You might want to turn around, dear.” She said, her voice sounding like I was listening to her through a foot of glass. She pointed a hoof to something behind me. Fear took over as my head turned to see a set of large teeth about to take a bite out of me...

I’m sure you’re probably thinking that this is where I wake up and realise that this is just a crazy-ass dream, right? Well if you did, you would be sorely mistaken. Why? Because when a nightmare really gets to you, it REALLY gets to you.

My lungs were beginning to burn as I moved my body through the viscous liquid that felt more like honey than water. Just as I felt the gnashing teeth came down, I jerked my legs out of the chompers path. Yet, my limbs were slow to react to my commands as I tried to swim to the surface of the thrashing water.


I turned my head in pure fear and saw the beast that haunted a countless number of my nightmares. Fins the size of sedans, eyes with no pupils, and dark green scales. Not to mention the gaping maw filled to the brim with teeth larger than my fist. Then you had it’s body. The freak of the sea had to be the size of an elephant!

The light of the sun was starting to shine through the water as I came closer to breach the water. I broke the surface of the water, filling my lungs with sweet oxygen. Just for a moment, my fears melted away as I tread water and look up to the beautiful sun that is shining down on me.

“Oh, Tony.” A floating white unicorn giggled. “You should know that your nightmares never end peacefully!”

“You don’t mean...”

“Oh, what do you have to worry about?” She smiled, holding a glowing hoof out to me.

Something tugged on my leg, bringing back the panic that had once flooded me moments ago; then I started sinking. My arms began to splash in the water around me and seawater started to fill my lungs. My hand wrapped around what I could only hope was Rarity’s hoof.

“I’ve got you.” Her voice sounded heavenly as I coughed up the water that had plagued my lungs. My eyes drifted upwards to my saviour. Her pristine white coat was untouched by the horrifyingly rough waves.

“Thanks...” Was the only thing I was able to choke out before I had to shield my eyes from the burning sun. “Maybe I can make through this yet.” I closed my eyes once more, smiling.

^v^v^v^v^v^

As I opened my eyes once again, I realised I wasn’t being carried by a celestial glowing unicorn, but an amused police officer looking down at me with soft eyes. My vision was blurry to begin with, but as it cleared, I became aware that the officers was holding me. Like an animal. Stroking my mane. Normally I would have been outraged at such ridiculous behaviour, for I am no ones pet! Yet, I let her continue to run her gentle fingers through my mane and did not resist.

“Shh, she’s waking up!” Someone said who was out of my current field of view.

“Awww, look at her.” The girl holding me whispered. “You’re so cute.”

I opened my mouth to say something in protest, yet nothing came to mind. So, I only blushed at the compliment and nuzzled into her chest. Her body heat brought me to my senses and looked up to her once more. Her name tag rests next to my cheek.

Ruth Mckenzie.

“Can you please put me down, Ms. Mckenzie? If it’s no trouble.” I said, barely audible in a meek voice.

About four voices, including the girl holding me instantly d'awww over the quiet statement.

“Well, what are you waiting’ for Ruth? She asked to be put down.” Said a someone in an italian accent.

Ruth set me down, and my hooves met the smooth carpet floor.. “Thank you, dear.” I remarked, stretching my legs. “If I may ask, how long was I asleep?”

“About two hours, dontcha know.” Said Ruth.

“Really?” I said, feeling and hearing the familiar pop of bones. “It feels as though I had rested for a tad bit too long.”

Footsteps brought me look up once again. A very tall skinny gentleman was standing before me.

“You hungry, sweetheart?” He said with a tinge of mountain man in his voice.

Now that I think about it, how long has it been since I’ve eaten? Eight hours? I returned my gaze to the tall fellow and nodded.

“Chief Harden said ponies like you might like an orange and some water.” He said, bending down and setting an unopened bottle of water and a vibrant orange next to it.

The moment I set my eyes on the citrus fruit, my heart dropped and so did my hopes. My eyes began to sting, and I set myself on the carpet, staring at abomination that sat before me.

“Are you okay?” The officers said simultaneously.

I looked up with my lower lip quivering and a single tear slid down my cheek. “I-I-I...”

“Yes!?”

“I hate oranges!” I cried out, letting the water works go.

“Oh! Don’t cry, dear!” Ruth yelped, trying to dry my tears with a rag.

“I can get you a... uhh.. head of lettuce!” The Italian officer said in a panic as he ran into another officer.

Chaos instantly took over the room as the officers scrambled to find me something I would eat. They tried a number of vegetables, including; turnips, spinach, and eventually a head of lettuce.

As the commotion came to an end, I was happily nibbling into the lettuce and taking a sip of water. The officers, however, were panting and trying to catch their breath after running around the station in an attempt to find something edible.

“Thank you for being so kind, everyone.” I curtly say, wiping off a stray bit of lettuce off of my chin. I spot my purse on a low lying table and levitate it over my shoulder. Feeling that I am ready to continue onwards, I trot to the door. I make it five feet before the door slams open and hits the wall.

A man wearing a jet black suit, red tie and tinted sunglasses walks in. His eyes are hidden by his shades, yet I can feel them bore down upon me.

“Ma’am.” He calmly states and gives a nod. “I’m going to need you to come with me.”

I recall my agreement with the officer earlier, agreeing to run a few tests.

“Of course, sir.” I say with a bow. “To run a few tests, I presume?”

The man in the suit raised an eyebrow, and put a finger to his ear. “Bring the carrier around, I’ve got her.” He motioned for me to follow him.

“Sir, if I may ask, where are we going?”

“That’s classified.”

“Oh...”

He led me to a small room with tripod with a camera resting on it.

“For your cooperation, I’ve been ordered to make you a picture I.D that with allow you safe passage through areas that civilians would find unpassable.” He took a seat behind the camera. “Take a seat, if you don’t mind.”

I climbed up on the small stool, and decided to have fun with the picture taking process. I put on Rarity’s signature duck face just as he took the picture, causing him to sigh and ask to retake the picture.

“Once more, please.”

One flash and properly taken picture later, he hands me a small piece of plastic with my picture and VIP printed on the top.

“I guess I am a very important pony.” I snickered.

“I’ve also just been given orders to give you this.” He held another card out to me. A debit card. “For any personal expenses.” He says, tipping an imaginary hat on his head.

“Why thank you, sir.” I say, doing a mock salute. This time I get him to smile, breaking his formality. The corners of his mouth peel in a full smile and offers a hand to me.

“This way, my queen.” He bows, showing his silly side. “I have a car waiting for you outside.”

I place my hoof in his hand and he lowers me from the stool. Together we walk out to the parking lot, where I see a large black van awaiting me.

“Not exactly a limo, but it will do.” I whisper.

Once inside the van, I nestle into a leather seat.

^v^v^v^v^v^

No more than twenty minutes later, I am asked to put a blindfold.

“Sorry hun, it’s protocol.”

The next hour burned by a lot faster than I expected it to. Although, I did sing a number of songs along the trip...

The van came to a sudden halt and I was blindly escorted out of my seat. As I trotted, I was able to pick out various bits and pieces of conversations.

“She’s here...”

“Ready chambers...”

“Three... two... one...”

I heard the sound of a dull thunk, followed by an intercom coming on.

“You can take the blindfold off now.” A metallic voice instructed.

I slid the fabric off of my eyes and put a hoof to my eyes to reduce the amount of light in the room. As my eyes adjusted, I looked around the room I was in with curiosity.

“Why am I in a garage?”

The room was awfully warm and I was starting to sweat.

“And why is it so hot in here?”

The garage door suddenly moved along its railing, letting more light shine into the room. With no hesitation, I galloped under it.

The other side of the door looked like a test range of some sort, a massive concrete room with scattered objects and a cluster of electronics to the right. Several darkly dressed agents were standing around the electronics, but one of them looked up to me with a cold smile that held less warmth than an orange. I really feel I may be going overboard on the oranges bit, but it’s like they stalk me, I swear.

“Ms. Bell, I presume?” The smiling one asked. I decided I didn’t like him. He sounded like Blueblood.

“Yeah, that’s me.” I called over to him, trying to be as obnoxious as I could. “And who are you?”

“It’s a pleasure.” He said while rolling his eyes. “I am Richard Belmont. I suppose I can cut the formalities. Just follow me and try to keep up.” He said with every bit of “royalty” in voice.

Before we started testing, I was weighed and measured. Richard led me through the facility, where I was going to take a multitude of tests. Some physical, some to challenge my mental capabilities. Most of them seemed to be no problem at all, but a few of them looked to be a challenge.

“Let’s get started, shall we?” Richard said with a sinister tinge in his words. “Test number one.” Richard threw back a hanging tarp that was being used as a door. Behind it were a number of complex machines lined up on the walls, along with a treadmill plugged up to a computer. “Endurance.”

“So, what? All I have to do is run?”

Richard gave an innocent nod as I stepped onto the treadmill. “Well then, on with it.” I said, with my nose a bit up in well deserved pride.

“Just run... Gallop for as long as you can.”

The machine made a soft whirring sound and slowly came to life. I trotted against the slow current until the machine sped up. My equine heart beat rapidly as I galloped faster and faster.

“C’mon Ricky, I used to do this all the time! Speed it up!”

“A bit cocky aren’t you?”

The treadmill suddenly went into overtime and I almost lost my footing. Hoofing? Whatever you call it.

“Nicely done, max speed of twenty-six miles per hour. You certainly are a fast little pony.” Richard said, writing the results down on a clipboard. He pressed a button on a console and the treadmill instantly stopped, sending me forward into a wall.

THUD!

“Ow, my little nose! Again!”

I could hear Richard snickers for a moment as I pried myself from the wall. I dizzily walked over to Richard, my eyes crossed. “Did I pass?”

“Yes, you did.” He said, smiling down at me. “Only thirty nine more to go.”

I groaned and followed him to another room where a line of weights lay in a line on a row of towels.

“You need to try lifting them, to see how strong is your magic. One at a time, starting with the half pound weight.” Richard explained, seemingly bored.

I took in a deep breath and trotted over to the first weight. “Simple enough.” I stared at the weight for a moment, searching for the spark of magic that lay within me. The weight was enveloped in a light blue glow and started to rise. Slowly, I brought it to eye level and began exploring the strength of my magic. I raised it to the ceiling, then brought it back down. “Done.” I said, looking for the next weight.

The increasing weights were fairly simple and easy to manage until I reached a fifty pound weight, which strained me, and two separate twenty pound weights were difficult to hold at once. He recorded the results and clicked his pen.

“Good job.” He said sarcastically.

Richards smile made me think he enjoyed watching me struggle. As if this was just some big game to him. Everything about this guy made me want to kick that smug look off his face.

Then why not do it?

“Next, is our first projectile test.” He said, for once he actually seemed concerned or unsettled. “Are ponies startled by loud noises?”

“I would guess so.” I said, cracking my neck. “Why do you ask?”

“Come with me.” He lead me through a pair of double doors with soundproofing layered across them, to a firing range. On a nearby table lay a pistol and a rifle.

“The test is to see if your shields can stop bullets.” He gestures to a dummy at the end of the range. “We would see if you can protect that dummy. Can you do this?”

“I... guess so? I’m not sure if I can make a shield though.” I mumbled while looking at my hooves. “All I’ve been able to do so far is pick stuff up.”

“If you can try, it would be great. Let me help you get some earplugs in.” He said, taking two foam plugs and approaching me carefully.

“I’ll give it a shot.” I said a little bit louder than I meant to. “What could go wrong? After all, we are just playing with live ammunition.”

“We will be behind these bulletproof shields.” He said after putting in the earplugs and gesturing to the clear sheets. “Go ahead and see if you can make a shield.”

I tried to think of something strong. Something that can protect something... A wall, armour, a literal shield. I grunted once and tried to envision the magical shield around me, cutting me off from that annoying ass, Richard. A shock went up my spine as I felt a something hot on my forehead. I opened one eye with hopes of there being a magical shield around me.

The entire world was a shimmering blue, and in my shock I let go of the spell, and the world returned. “Aha!” I said happily.

“We don’t need such a large shield. Just one about a foot wide, in front of the dummy.” He instructed, putting a pair of earphones on.

“Alright.” I panted, still smiling.

He took me behind the bulletproof glass and instructed me to hold a shield in front of the dummy's torso. With the magical aura in front of the dummy, he picked up the pistol.

A moment before he fired, I heard a dull hum start up somewhere nearby, but I was focusing on maintaining the shield so I didn’t pay much attention until a loud bang jolted me, a flash of light erupting from the pistol, but nothing else happened. I didn’t feel anything.

“Did I do it?” I called loudly to Richard nervously.

He chuckled, taking the magazine out of the gun. “Blanks, let’s see what we got, come on.”

I gaped at him in shock for a moment before grumbling and following him to an adjoining room, in which at least five men in suits and headphones were looking over a 3d image of the shield. I saw as they slowed it down, and they could see it expanding outwards and towards the gunfire reflexively, as the sound had reached me. After a few ripples it had faded when nothing hit it.

“We are examining the magic shield to see what it’s made of, and how it works. Next test will be live rounds, promise.” Ricky said, patting me on the head with a smirk before slipping back into the firing range.

“I hate you Ricky.” I grumbled, bringing the shield up once again.

Once again, he brought the pistol up to his chest, loading a new magazine into it with, what I could only guess were real bullets.

“Firing in three... two... one!”

This time around, I expected the loud bang and flash. I tensed myself right at the final moment when he pulled the trigger. Suddenly the world was on fire, I came to on the ground, with an ache at the front of my head, obviously my horn must have exploded. Naturally I started screaming.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ricky asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

“I’ve been mutilated! I’ll be called stumpy, I can never sew again!”

He seemed confused.

“You’ve blown my horn off!” I shouted, putting my hoof to my head and bumping said horn, which hurt quite a bit. “Oooh, nevermind. That does smart a fair bit.” I mumbled, shaking my head as if to cool it off. Shakily pulling myself to my hooves once again.

“Are you okay?” He asked, kneeling down next to me.

I responded by narrowing my eyes at him. “I’ll be fine.”

“Very well.” He stood and took off his earphones, as well as removing my earplugs. “Do you want to see what your magic accomplished?”

I said nothing as I rubbed my head with a hoof. “Sure...”

We made our way back to the side room, and the very excited technicians moved aside to let me see a frozen image of a nearly flat bullet, stretching the shimmering blue square like rubber, the next frame the square was torn into little pieces, but the bullet seemed to spin in place for several more flames, before bouncing gently off the dummy’s chest.

“Almost five hundred joules of energy expended before the shield shattered. According to the chart, Ms. Bell is one of the... less magically inclined unicorns, so by that estimate we can guess that the leader, Ms. Sparkle, would be able to deflect armor piercing rounds, if not stop them dead.” One of the techs said, with a grin.

“Excellent. Once the leader is located, we will have to ask her if we can perform some testing with her as well. All friendly stuff. Thank you for your help.” Ricky said to me, with a grin and another pat on the head. Which hurt like hell.

v^v^v^v^v

The testing was cut short and I was sent to the hotel I would be staying at for the next two days. Personally, I couldn’t be happier. The farther I get away from that hell hole, the better. Another thing; I got to ride in the black van again, but I honestly don’t remember jack shit about the ride. I think I passed out as soon as my head touched the leather.

After I woke up, Ruth, the officer from earlier was there to escort me into the five star hotel. She helped me check in and even walked with me to my room. As we rode the elevator to floor twenty three, she bid me farewell and I swear, I think she was crying again.

“Don’t forget to stop by the station sometime.” Ruth said as she choked back a sob.

Once she left, I clicked open my door and laid my eyes upon the softest looking bed that had ever existed. I galloped and jumped onto the bed, causing the pillows and blankets to jump with me.

“Tonight, I sleep like a king!” I yelled as I settled into the fluffy cloud of a bed.

That would be queen, dear.

“Whatever...”

Within an instant, my eyes shut and I was snoring away....








A/N: You wanted a long chapter, here. Have it.













> Deja Vu
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, you ever wake up one day and just think that today is going to go great and nothing could go wrong? Yeah, I love those kind of days too. Especially when you’re bright eyed and bushy tailed by eight. Oh, I would like to point out that this is NOT how I started my day today. I mean, I could explain it to you right here and now, but where’s the fun in that?

As my eyes creaked open, I was greeted by a face full of fluff and a very dry throat. As my body twitched in response of ordering it to get moving, I heard and felt several loud pops of joints. “Ooooh.” I murmured as I began to regain the feeling in the powerful, yet dainty limbs.

How are you feeling today, Anthonie?

I let out a very loud, unprofessional groan and lifted my head up, to see that I was laying face down in a pillow. “Just peachy.” I grunted while hoisting myself on all four hooves. Once I was up, I made my way across the ridiculously large bed, bouncing more than walking. “Today is going to be wonderful! Mud bath treatment, massages, and pedicu- Wooaah ohh shit!!”

THWUMP!

Then I ran out of bouncy mattress.

“Ow.” I muttered as my face peeled from the carpet.

This isn’t your first day as a pony anymore, Tony. You can stop falling on your face.

Hey, that’s a good question; how many times have I fallen off of things? Four, right? Hey, someone go back and sit through my nightmare of a life again to find out.

“Dear Princess Celestia,” I started my decree, rising to my hooves once again. “I hate gravity... and oranges, sincerely, Anthonie.” As the words escaped my lips, I lazily dragged myself across the room, stopping at the window for a wonderful view of the city. A few cars were bustling through the small streets and a couple of pedestrians idly walked their daily routines. Then, through a haze of fatigue, I walked to the bathroom door.

Darling, if I may ask; why do you despise oranges so much?

The bathroom door clicked open. “Long story, don’t wanna talk about it.” I said quietly to the voice in my head as if it were no big deal. I sighed once more and craned my neck in the direction of the shower on the side of the wall. With a dopey smile, I dropped myself into the standing shower and with a kick, the hot water started spraying down, revitalizing my worn body. The fatigue and stress slowly faded from me as the droplets beat against my coat.

Are you enjoying yourself, Tony?

“Don’t ruin this for me, Rarity.” I replied, sullenly while magically squeezing a bottle of shampoo into my bedraggled mane. As I started lathering the soap into my mane, I felt myself styling it in all sorts of crazy ways, some that I didn’t even knew existed. Within mere seconds I was engulfed in a flurry of bubbles. The suds began to overflow in the standing shower and I was practically swimming on air! That lasted for about ten seconds right before the water turned from a relaxing heat, to a frigid ocean.

“Eee!”

Naturally, I squealed like a baby and jumped out of the shower and was standing on top of the toilet seat, cringing in fear. It also took me a good five minutes to stop hyperventilating before I took notice that I was no longer becoming a frozen marshmallow treat. After my little episode, I calmly stepped off of the porcelain throne and hastily galloped to the shower to turn off the freezing water.

Two...one... Bomb defused!

With yet another heavy sigh, I plopped down against the tile floors and was prominently smacked in the face by a wet, soapy mass of hair. “This is the worst day ever.” I grumbled, while struggling to keep the slick purple mane out of my eyes. Yet again, luck was not on my side today and all I managed to do was make it a frizzy mess.

Tony, it was funny the first few times, but this is getting redundant. Can’t you... I don’t know, think rationally for a moment? We can’t simply worry about our mane all day every day, no matter how much you people seem to think that is my life.

The sarcasm, it dripped. Also the aforementioned mane. My eyes started to sting from being in direct contact with shampoo and I had to levitate a towel around my head to prevent any further burning. “Hey, it’s not my fault you are a die hard fashionista. What do you expect us to think?” I said while rubbing another towel on my face.

It is quite judgemental though, I mean, I have to worry about my tail as well.

I stare at the bathroom wall for a moment. “Sarcasm?”

Sarcasm.

“Right! so, I still need a shower, or should we go to the spa and let them deal with it?” I ask, trying to squeegee wet hair into the tub between my hooves.

Let the masseuse and hair stylists handle it, you deserve a break.

I smile, standing a bit taller. “Well thank you, I suppose I do, don’t I?” I said as I wrapped my mane in a towel and trotted out of the ruined bathroom into the bedroom.

You’ve been to a spa before, right? It’s wonderful, I’ll tell you that much.

“You already know I haven’t, brain magic and whatnot. If I weren’t a fabulous mare, I still wouldn’t.” I smirk, grabbing ahold of my new government issued wallet along with my meager belongings.

My bedroom door clicked open and I made my way down the hall to the elevator. And of course, having a height handicap wasn’t helping me in my efforts in trying to press the down button. Eventually, I just mashed my wallet against the button with my magic until it lit up.

DING!

The reflective elevator doors slid open, showcasing an empty room, waiting for my arrival. I gladly sauntered into the elevator, tucking my wallet away as I did so. I glanced upwards to the multiple glowing buttons, taking note that the first floor button was within reach of my white hooves. “Well, that’s a nice change for once.” I smiled and clicked the button. “No need for any over complicated plots to click a button. It makes my life much easier.”

As I gradually descended the twenty three floors of the massive hotel, I pondered my ragged reflection in the elevator mirror. I make a clean run all the way down to the ground floor without any stops to any other floors, lucky me.

Majestically, the doors slid open and I didn’t hesitate to make my way happily across the reception room, pushing through the double doors that led to the five star spa.

The door greeter looked down to me with a mix of amusement and surprise. “Um... hi!”

“Hello to you as well, Ma’am. I believe I have reservations for an eight o’ clock appointment? Under the name Rarity Belle.”

“Certainly! You are our first pony customer, this way.” She led me to the check in desk. “So it will be just a ten minute wait, one of the other customers made a fuss and slowed the whole spa down, is that okay?” She asks nervously, as though I could say it wasn’t.

“Oh, that’s not a problem. I can keep myself busy for now. Thank you.” I replied curtly, nodding.

I was taken to a waiting room which held only a single woman with short black hair who seemed to be extremely interested in her purse, since she had simply been staring at it in her lap since I walked in.

I trotted over silently, taking a seat two chairs from her. My eyes explored the room, taking in what few details it could. Rose red walls, a few creme chairs and a few fashion magazines were scattered about on a table. “How nice.” I said aloud, not meaning to break the silence.

The woman almost dropped her purse, fumbling with it before putting it back on her lap and looking up to me almost in shock. “Um... yeah.” She mumbled awkwardly.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Ma’am.” I quickly dropped to the floor, picking up a photo that fell from her purse, holding it up to her in the sparkling blue aura.

She looked to it, blushed furiously, and grabbed it before stuffing it back into her purse. At the last moment I caught a glimpse of a photoshopped scene of herself and I at a park. It is really odd to consider that my likeness is available on the internet to that degree.

I felt a blush take over my face and put a hoof to my face to cover it. “Umm.. Hi, I’m Rari- I’m Tony.” I said sheepishly, correcting myself to remind myself of who I am.

“My name is Alecia... Nice to meet you... Tony.” She said, holding out a hand but not meeting my eyes.

I cringed at her name, but met her hand with a hoof. “It’s a pleasure, Alecia.”

She shook my hoof and then we sat quietly for a moment. She ended up breaking the silence. “I’m so sorry, I just... I didn’t mean to seem creepy, I’ll go...” She whimpered, before standing to walk towards the exit.

“Aw, don’t go. If you do, then I’ll be all lonely.” I pouted, trying to bring her back.

She stopped for a moment and looked back hopefully. “Um... Are you sure? I don’t want to be... to be that type of person I’m sure you don’t want to deal with...”

I stifled a single laugh before looking up at her. “Listen Sweetheart, you’re not some fruitcake named Alonso, so I’m sure you and I can get along. And there is no way I’m going to let you spend one hundred and seventy bucks to walk away, okay?”

She blushed at the mention of the money, but came back and sat down. “You sure? I... I just had that picture made for fun... I didn’t mean anything by it...”

I jumped up into a chair next to her. “Yeah, it’s fine. After all, it’s not like you went out out and bought five Pinkie Pie shirts, a keychain and toy in the same day.” I admitted, giggling. “So what’s a photo shopped picture of Rarity compared to that? I don’t mind.”

She smiled sheepishly. “So.. Rarity’s counterpart likes Pinkie Pie?” She asked with a giggle.

I turned my head very slowly to Alecia, narrowing my eyes at her. “I. Love. Pinkie Pie.”

She held up her hands, looking scared. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or... or...”

The muscles in my face turned from a frown into a smile and I couldn't hold back my laughter any longer. “Oh, don’t worry about it darling. After all, Tony can be a bit... eccentric.” I smiled apologetically. “I am terribly sorry for his misbehavior. He’s been around a few too many high sprung individuals, you see.”

Her fear faded as soon as I started imitating Rarity. Decent job, too. “Oh, okay. I was wondering, what happened to your mane?”

My eyes shot upwards to the tangled, wet mess. “I was caught in a storm yesterday. Horrible thing, really. I just haven’t found the time to straighten, curl or return it to it’s natural beauty.”

Have you ever considered being a me impersonator? You’re doing a wonderful job at it. Rarity jeered, layering her words with sarcasm.

“Oh, that is just horrible!” Alecia said, putting a hand to her mouth with not a hint of sarcasm. “Well, at least you’ll have it all cleaned soon, I have to say you got the best pony.”

“Why thank you, Alecia! What a wonderful thing of you to say. I couldn’t agree with you more.” I said, raising my snout up a bit. “I do hope they have a decent hair stylist though.”

“I’ve come here before, I used to have longer hair and they were great.” she gushed, scooting closer in her chair. “They have dedicated hair stylists and they massage your scalp, its so wonderful.”

“That sounds heavenly!” I exclaimed, putting a hoof on the armrest next to her.

Alecia looked like she was going to say something but the doorperson poked her head in. “They are ready for the both of you, sorry about the wait.”

I held a hoof out to Alecia. “Shall we, darling?”

Her face lit up as though I had told her I was coming home with her. “Of course!” She took my hoof in hand and we made our way to the spa proper.

v^v^v^v^v^v

Several hours of pampering later, Alecia and I were side by side in two salon chairs having our hair styled, trimmed, and moisturized.

The tall tan and handsome fellow behind me who was massaging my scalp was doing a wondrous job. “You’ve got magic fingers, Jose.” I said in a spark of ecstasy. “You were right, Alecia. This is amaaaazing.”

The man simply smiles as the foamy shampoo works its way through my mane. “Thank you so much for convincing me to stay.” Alecia says happily as her own hair stylist starts rinsing hers.

“Oh, I couldn’t have sat through that boring mud bath without you, dear.” I reply as Jose, in all his glory, spins me around and starts rinsing my mane out.

“I thought for sure you’d think I was a weirdo because of that picture...”

I snort once and turn my head in her direction. “Are you kidding? At least you aren’t trying to kill me.”

“Someone tried to kill you?!” She gasped. “That’s terrible!”

I shrug with a smirk. “Oh, it was horrible! I hope to never revisit such a trauma inducing memory as such ever again!” I put a hoof to my forehead, adding effect. “I would never wish a fate like so upon anyone!”

“You mean anypony, right?” She asked with a small smile. “You don’t have to act just for me, Tony, but thank you for it anyway...”

I groan. “Am I really that bad at impersonating Rarity?” I ask, hanging my head shame.

“No! no, I just... I’ve watched a lot more My Little Pony than anyone really should... So I figured it out, but most people wouldn’t know... I just don’t want you to feel that you have to...” She said.

Our chairs are spun around once more as our stylist began to dry our hair. “It’s fu-uh-uh-un to impersonate a fashionista.” I say as my head is no longer being violently shaken by a sexy Mexican with a towel.

I wonder if you are impersonating me, or really thinking that? Either way, color me amused.

“Shut up Rarity...” I mumble to myself as Jose switches to a blow dryer.

“What was that?” Alecia asks curiously.

“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing.” I say without looking over to her. “Just talking to myself is all.”

“You can talk to Rarity?” She squealed excitedly. “Ohmygoshohmygosh! Does she think I am weird for having a picture of her in my wallet?”

“Well, do you?” I question mentioned pony quizzitively.

Darling, I would have a picture of myself in my purse if I could. Poor dear may be a bit obsessive, but as harmless as Scootaloo is to Rainbow Dash.

I looked back to Alecia, smiling. “You’re like her Scootaloo. Its cute, harmless and she’d carry around a picture of herself if she could.”

Alecia giggled. “Thank you Rarity.”

Sadly the spa visit couldn’t go on forever, and finally we both were standing at the exit.

“Well, um... It was great to meet you.” She said quietly.

“Likewise, Alecia.” I grinned up to her. “Wanna take a picture to commemorate this moment so you never forget it?” I asked with a grin ear to ear.

She gasped again and pulled aside a random stranger to take a picture of her with her arm around my neck. “Thank you thank you thank you!” She gushed, looking between me and the camera.

I put on Rarity’s signature duck face for the second time, hugging Alecia. “Now you can show it off to all the other bronies who haven’t met me. Rub it in their face for me.”

“Oh, I don’t know any other bronies.” She said with a shrug, hugging me again. “Thank you so much.”

The camera flashed, freezing the moment in time forever, leaving a very happy closet brony, a weirded out stranger, and a smiling Tony. I waved goodbye to Alecia, waving her a kiss in a silly fashion. “Have a wonderful day, Alecia!”

She waved back, walking down the boulevard, smiling happily. I sat outside the hotel for several minutes before she left my field of view. The air around me sent a chill down my spine and I ran back inside the warm hotel. My night at the hotel was spent, but I think I will leave when it’s a little bit warmer outside...

> Ain't That a Kick In The Head
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

My eyes were glued to the wide screen in the lobby as it broadcasted the week's forecast,  it was mostly going to be rainy, cold and flat out horrible. Although that’s never been a shock for me, considering I’ve had to live through the worst of it that West Virginia has to offer. So a stray snowstorm or thundershower doesn’t phase me. I peel my eyes from the screen and sigh. “That’s not a big surprise.” I say and hop off the lobby chair I had claimed as my own. For the most part, the lobby is void of any life, spare the desk clerk behind the counter who had a face of pure boredom. Something about her told she hated her job and just wanted her shift to come to a blissful end.

“So... are you some kind of dog?” She asked, obviously not meaning to offend but simply being perplexed.

Now that’s the second person to think I’m a dog. Lucky me. “I’m a pony.” I yelled across the lobby.

“Oh, oh like in the news, yeah? So can you do like, magic and shit?” She asks, leaning over the counter.

“Yes, I can.” I said coolly and sauntered over to her desk, shaking my hips a little more than needed.

“Dude, I would totally be a pony thing for magic.” She says with a grin. “What can you do with your magic?”

I put a hoof to my chin. “It’s really not that fascinating, but if you really must know.” I furrowed my brow for a moment and focused on an black balloon next to the clerk and tugged it downwards with a magical grip. “Just a little telekinesis and whatnot.”

“That is so cool. I thought it would all be weird stuff like the calendar changing and shit.”

This clerk swore a lot for working at a five star hotel.

“What’s that now?” I asked, letting the balloon float back up.

“The days, they changed to be all... Stupid, really.” She shrugs.

My hooves hit the counter and I was leaning on it to meet her eyes. “How did they change? What are you talking about? Speak!”

“No need to get all snippy. Didn’t you listen to the weather broadcast? It’s Marsday now, instead of... Whatever it was before.” She says, pausing as she fails to remember the actual day.

“You’re kidding right?” The black balloon explodes behind her. “This is some sort of joke. Right?” Another balloon pops in my panic.

“Hey, hey, I have to blow up those balloons, missy.” She growls. “I didn’t change the days, and a lot of people are blaming it on you ponies, so cool your jets.”

“I- I- I, sorry.” I start stammering. “Just a lot of crazy things going on recently with me being a pony and all.” My head starts spinning. “Really am sorry about the balloons though.”

“It’s alright, I’ll just get the new guy to do it, but really, it’s Marsday. Stupid, I know. But on the bright side there is no weekend, so now we just have a day off every 3rd day, much nicer in my opinion.”

My head goes from spinning, to doing back flips and I takes my hooves off the countertop to balance myself. “I think I need some air.” I say, keeping calm. “Thank you for the wonderful stay, I’ll consider it again sometime.” My white hooves slide against the red rug as I make an exit, keeping my head down to avoid any unwanted attention,

You do know you’re a unicorn right? You’ll be noticed whether you like it or not.

“Hey, wait up.” The clerk shouts as I am almost out the door.

I turn around and put on a fake smile. “Yes, dear?” I ask, trying to sound sweet. “Need something?”

“Hey.” She caught up to me and held out a large envelope. “This was mailed to us for your room number, I forgot about it until just now.”

“Really?” I say and wrap the parcel in a light blue glow. “Why, thank you darling.”

She smiles and nods. “No problem. Have a nice day.” She says before making her way back to her desk.

With the envelope in my hooves I unprofessionally bite down on the corner of it and rip it off. Inside are several sheaves of paper, stapled together down the sides like several small books. The first is titled “Subject PF-002 Rarity Belle” with a sub title of “Testing, observation, and assessment.” I eyed the document and carried the packet with me to a chair to look over them. “The hell is this...”

As I flipped through the pages, the report told a dark story. “Sub-prime example of unicorn magic”, “Possible narcissistic personality traits”, “Incapable of leading any sort of group or rebellion”, “Unfit for recruitment”, “According to the show, likely a non entity in an endgame scenario.” I felt sick, and tossed the documents labeled “classified” in bright red onto a chair next to mine, staring at the floor in front of me.

Tony... Rarity started.

“Yes ma’am?” I replied glumly, feeling as though I were a child in trouble after reading the reports.

You are... quite upset about all this. Why? She presses.

I shrug and lean on the armrest. “I don’t know. Maybe because I feel like I’m not doing anything? I.. I feel like I’m doing a horrible job at being you.”

Darling... As little experience as I have with such things, we are in the middle of a war. This reeks of deception and malice. I have to say, I don’t like the sound of what they have written either but for all my ego I think they were describing me, not you. she said, sadly but firmly.

I sat on the chair for a moment in silence, processing what Rarity told me. Her words were kind and true, so I jumped off the chair and stuffed the reports into my purse. “Thank you Rarity.”

Not a problem, not a problem at all. she said, though right then I could feel an overwhelming wave of sadness crash into me. Though it had been delayed, I could feel how much she had taken that report to heart.

“Chin up, madam Rarity.” I say with a grin. “What’s a few words on a sheet of paper anyway? Why let them get to you, I’ve never let a few mean words tell me who I am and who I have to be.”

Well thank you for the sentiment. Perhaps you should move along, the clerk is finding your conversation with yourself most intriguing.

I lifted my head up a bit and in the corner of my eye was the desk clerk standing a good ten feet away from me. She was staring at me, perplexed and confused.

“Do you... need help?” She asked with a smirk after a long silence.

“Ah...” I looked around the lobby for a moment. “Nope, I’m fine! Just talking to my elephant!” My voice cracks and I seize Ellie from my bag in my mouth. “Juf fahne.” I mumble through a mouthful of stuffed animal.

She nods quickly “oh yeah, I’m sure.”

My cheeks feel hot and I quickly make a mad dash for the exit, pausing for a moment to let the automatic doors open before I gallop out under the red awning. It’s still early, but traffic is jammed and it’s frigid outside. A particular cold breeze brushes through my fur and sends me into a shiver. “B-bus station, now Tony.” I say quietly to myself and trot through the gusty winds.

No more than ten minutes of walking down the sidewalk and I’ve become the beacon of everything that is important in this world. Not only are kids, apparent bronies, and friendly bystanders waving and greeting me, but even a homeless guy shouted “A unicorn! I knew they were real!” as I trotted past.

I try desperately to not bring too much attention to myself, other than a wave or a “hello” back, and things are going better than I expected. This continues until I’m waiting for a red light to turn green on a cross section. While waiting a man wearing all black and a few too many piercings walks by and I wave to him politely.

“Hello.” I smile sweetly at him. He stops next to me and looks down. “How are you today?”

“Oh, I was fine, you know, pretty good day. But something terrible happened.” He said, frowning.

“Oh? What happened, sir?”

“Your disgusting face.” He snarled, brushing past so close that his leg clips me across the nose, leaving me stunning sitting in the snow with a sore nose.

Okay, you guys know I don’t condone violence, right? Good. Because I could get in a lot of trouble if I didn't warn you guys about what I’m about to do. Seriously, last warning. Don’t do anything I’m about to do at home.

“Hey! Watch where you are going, jackass!” I snapped.

He turned around with a smirk. “Oh, I’m sorry. I better call the cops and report myself for animal abuse.”

My temper flared and I took a step forward, smashing my hoof into the pavement. “Or I could make you regret ever meeting me.” I snarled, not realising I was still a pony...

“Oh please, you know what they do to animals who hurt humans?” He laughed cruelly. “ They put them down.” He smirks, turning to walk away and running into what appeared to be a human sized brown candle.

“Hey. You know what they do to humans who hurt humans who hurt animals? I don’t give a fuck.” And the giant candle brought his fist back and hit the guy in the face. I had never really seen someone drop before, and the first time was kind of comical. One second the jerk was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking as smug as can be, the next he was flopping to the ground like a rag doll.

I drew my eyes from the flopping fish of a man and looked up to my savior. “Oh shit!” I yelled and put a white hoof up to my face to keep myself from laughing. “Dude! That was amazing!”

The orange haired man was shaking his hand out after the punch and looking around at the stunned crowd. “Yeah... We should probably go before he wakes up or the cops get here. Where are you headed?” He asks calmly, dragging his victim to lean against a wall next to the “unicorns are real” homeless guy, who started digging through the guys pockets for change as soon as we left.

“The big apple.” I say smoothly, letting my laughter die down and look up to the the guy. “Thanks again for the save back there. I woulda done it myself, but...” I trailed off and took a glance at my tail, which was still curly.

“You are a pony, and the best pony I might add, but not one suited for hoof to face combat. Let’s head towards the mall, that’s where I left my truck.” He says coolly, leading me through the crowds and clearing a path for me.

I felt a bit like royalty as he carved through the masses. “Wait, you’re just going to give me a ride to New York? Just like that?”

“Well I was thinking the bus station, or train station, but I can give you my number if anything goes wrong. It wouldn’t be the worst thing to be stuck in a car with rarity for a few hours or days.” He says, slipping in a jab at my ego as he walks.

“Ouch man, that hurts.” I say and put a hoof to my chest as I walk. “Really does. At anyrate, my name is Tony and thanks again for lending a hand back there.”

“Wait, so the person in a pony thing is real? I thought that was just wishful thinking. Well crap, sorry about that Tony.” He says as we enter the parking structure of the mall.

“Hey, don’t worry about it man.” I say and let loose a sneeze.

“You okay?” He asked, concerned.

“I’m fi- ah, achoo!” I sniffle and look up to him, rubbing my still sore nose. “Just a little sneezy.”

“You haven’t bothered to get a jacket or anything. You’re probably getting sick.” He cautioned as he opened his truck door for me.

I hop up onto the seat of his truck and smile. “I had a hat, but I lost it.” I say quietly and sniffle again.

He closed the door and made his way around to the drivers side. “Well, we could always stop by someplace to get you some clothes since it’s almost twenty below.”

“That’d be nice.” I say and sit sideways on the passenger seat as he puts the key in the ignition and the truck roars to life. “I never did your name by the way.”

“You can call me Ryan.” His hands guide along the dashboard and he flips on the radio. Static shot through the speakers for a second or two until the local rock station announcers soothing voice came through.

“That was World So Cold, by Three Days Grace on 103.5, the rock.” She says and taps her microphone. “How’s a little nostalgia for you long time listeners? We’ve got Hell Song, by Sum41 up next!” Her voice is like honey and I’m now nearly convinced today won’t be a total loss.

My ears perk up and I look to Ryan, smiling. “You like this kinda music?”

Ryan shifts into reverse and turns to look behind him. “I love Sum 41, Tony. I always have since I was a kid.”

I let my classical smirk cut across my face and I sit up, singing along with the radio. “Everybody’s got their problems...”

Ryan shifted into drive and smiled. “Everybody says the same thing to you....”

v^v^v^v^v

Okay, so Ryan and I were happily riding down the street to the bus station, while listening to some great music. Then... things took a turn for the silly. We were laughing our asses off one moment, the next we decided to stop by Hot Topic for a nice sweater or something that would keep me from being a Rarity popsicle... Yeah, that got out of hand when I found a Pinkie Pie Hoodie that fit me.

“Ryan!” I squealed and came running out of the changing room with the pink hoodie over my head. “Don’t I just look adorable?” I said and began flaunting about with the hood flipped up. “Don’t say I don’t because you know I do.”

“That sure is something, won’t lie.” He said and bent down to my level with a smile. “Is it warm?” He gave my head a pat and scratched behind my ear. I probably would have bit his hand off if it weren’t for the fact it felt soooo good!

“Oh, don’t you know it!” I cried happily and hugged myself, giggling like a madman. (Mad mare?) I stopped my schadenfreude just long enough to glance to my right, where I saw a small backpack. Nothing special really, yet it called for me, as I yearned for it.

Ryan looked down in puzzlement when I abruptly stopped laughing, as I slowly made my way to the pack. My hoof touched the bag and it slid over the smooth material. It was a simple pink backpack with the face of joy herself, the madam of mania and duchess of happiness imprinted on it. Pinkie Pie.

I took the  bag in hoof and looked up to Ryan expectantly with eyes that could make any heart break in d’aww.

“Hey, don’t expect me to stop you.” He stuck his hands in his track jacket and was still smiling.

v^v^v^v^v

One last desperate search of the store later, I was at the cashier with a hoodie, backpack, a pink beanie, a brony bracelet and a stick of lip gloss. Rarity told me to get the gloss, I swear!

The cashier, a teenaged boy who seemed a little too happy to see me looked up and smiled. “That’ll be $35.50.” He said, flipping his bangs out of his eyes.

On instinct, I levitated the card I was given and swiped it across the machine he slid out for me.

Transaction Approved. VIP Recognized, Rarity Belle.

The boy took no notice to this and handed me my newly bought gear. “Have a lovely day, Rarity.” He said a little too dreamily.

I decided to have a little fun and I blew him a kiss and wink before leaving. I swear he either fainted, or scrambled to grab the kiss out of the air as if it were a solid thing. It was the single most funniest thing I’ve seen in my life and apparently so did my tall companion; as he was keeling over in laughter.

“Holy fuck, I can’t believe you just did that!” Ryan gasped, holding his stomach. “I’m dying! I’m dying’!”

It took about five minutes before Ryan stopped laughing and we were walking back outside to his truck. As we went outside, it was still cold and blustery. We started walking across the parking lot then a little surprise happened by. Guess who I ran into. Mister fat lip jerk face who kicked me!

As soon as he saw me, his face turned sour and started walking in my direction. The way he balled his fists told me wanted vengeance, but I don’t think he’s getting it anytime soon. Then he noticed my new friend and turned tail and started walking away like nothing happened.

“Hey, just where the hell do you think you are going?” Ryan yelled at him, and he froze where he was. “I don’t think you ever sincerely apologized to Miss Rarity here.” I heard Ryan pop his knuckles and about just about everyone stopped to see what was happening. “Now get your worthless ass over here and say you’re sorry like a gentleman, before I come over there and make you get on your hands and knees and let my little friend beat the fuck out of you herself.”

Mister big boots turned on his heels and was pale as his took step after shaky step in our direction. “I.. I...” He started stammering and Ryan grabbed him by the back of his neck; forcing him on his knees. His eyes were wild and filled with fear, and he had a large black bruise across his cheek.

“I’m waiting, darling.” I hissed, feeling like Jigsaw with his horrible contraptions of death and murder.

“I’m sorry!” He cried, putting his hands on his face to hide his humiliation from the onlooking crowd. Tears streamed down his face as he began to choke on his own breath. “P-please just don’t hurt me!” He was breaking down, snot was rolling down his chin and it was just pathetic.

“This evens the playing field a good bit doesn’t it, darling?” I said, lifting his face with a hoof. “Let him go, Ryan. He’s had enough.” I said, letting his head drop back down.

Ryan released the cuff of the jerks shirt and he started to scramble against the tile floor before getting up and running in the other way. In his haste, he was tripped by a bystander and fell face first into a trash can.

The whole crowd started laughing as he fell. In the confusement, Ryan and I bolted for his truck and hopped in. The blue pick up roared to life once again as we pulled out of the parking lot, riding down the bumpy roads of West Virginia once again.

Rock music was playing through his speakers once again, but Ryan turned it down to a reasonable level.

“You okay, kid?” He said, making a turn down Lee street. “I didn’t scare you or anything, did I?”

I started to chuckle. “I’m fine, but I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me, Ryan.” I whispered and looked up to him. “It really means alot to me.” I look around at the interior of the Ford. A lone Rarity sticker was stuck on the steering wheel and the leather seats seemed so worn from constant use. “Mind if I treat you to lunch?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and smirked. “Ahh, don’t worry about it Tony.” He said, waving a hand.

“But I do insist, please?” A soft burn lit on my eyes and I started to tear up. “It won’t feel right if I don’t do something nice for you.”

Ryan rolled his eyes and he turned off to right, pulling into the parking lot of a Golden Corral. “Alright, Tony. Only if you’re  paying.”


> A Totally Normal Lunch
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You guys know the advantages backpacks have over purses? One, they have more space for cool things I pick up! Two, it isn’t as girly and is much more practical. Hey, don’t you dare say it’s girly because it’s pink! I like the color pink...

There’s nothing wrong with the color pink, Tony.

See, Rarity is on my side!

At anyrate, Ryan pulled into the parking lot and his brakes squealed as we came to a stop. He pulled the key out of the ignition and pointed at something across the dashboard. “Hey Tony.” He nudged me. “Check it out.” He said, the concern in his voice worried me. I propped my hooves against the dashboard to see what he was talking about.

A sign hung from the door that read ‘Welcome Ponies!’ and next to it was a man in a cowboy getup with fake yellow ears taped on a stetson. He was spinning a smaller sign that said the same thing.

“You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.” I whispered and turned to my orange haired companion. The look on his face disheartened me. “Hey, I’m not letting a few cosplayers get in the way of lunch. Still hungry?”

Ryan smirked and held out a fist to me; I met it with a white hoof. “Hell yeah, man. I don’t turn down a free meal.” He summoned up a Dallas Cowboys ball cap from the center console and donned it. “Specially if it’s with the best pony. Ever.”

We clicked our doors open in cadence of each other, and my hooves met the cool pavement just as his boots hit the ground. As if we were in synch, Ryan and I walked to the front of his truck. He met my gaze and nodded down to me. “I’ve gotcha back, man.” Ryan’s orange hair seemed to shine in the afternoon sun, making it look like he was on fire. “I’ll keep any crazies off you..”

Together we started walking across the parking lot and for once, I felt safe again. Something about Ryan’s stature was breathtaking and gave me a sense of security. Yeah, that feeling lasted about as long as a lit match in a thunder shower as my hooves were suddenly lifted off the pavement and I was being squeezed to death. Again.

As my lungs were being crushed I heard a young girl squeal, “Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh! I can’t believe Pinkie Pie is here!” She continued to squeal and crush what little oxygen out of my lungs. “This is soooo cool!”

I raised my head a bit to face my attacker. What I saw was a brown eyed girl with freckles and with poorly dyed rainbow colored hair. Not only did she hug me, but she swung me side to side and I got a little too familiar with her chest, much like a certain witch who almost killed me. I scowled up to her and her face was suddenly filled with dismay.

In those few seconds of being grabbed, I felt the urge to say something like, “Do you have any idea what happened to the last person who hugged me like his?” Or, “You’ve got ten seconds to put me down before I bite your hand off.” But I just stopped and looked up to her with nothing to say as my hood slipped off my head.

Don’t worry Tony, I’ll handle this one for you. Rarity chimed in and a subtle chill crawled down my back.

The girl stood there in silence for exactly five seconds. “Hey! You’re not Pinkie Pie!” She finally started to complain, still death hugging me.

“Excuse me, darling?” I said very calmly, yet legitimate rage was flowing through my veins. It’s as if I weren’t in control of my own actions. “Would you be a dear and put me down?” I clear my throat, or at least I think I do. “You see, I’m trying to treat my friend to lunch and I can’t do that if you’re squeezing the life out of me.”

There you are, Tony. Not everything needs to be solved with foul language and harsh words. She happily chimed in and pushed me back into control. The feeling of being shoved back into Rarity’s body made my head spin.

The girl was stunned and her grip loosened. “I’m soooo sorry!” She dropped me and was on her knees with her hands together. “I thought you were Pinkie Pie!” She pleaded, a tear streaming down her cheek. She looked genuinely sorry, but it was hard to tell since was still suffering from the sudden lack of oxygen and gasping on the ground for sweet oxygen. Go figure, right?

After I regained my breath I looked back up to the girl. “I’m unsure whether I should be flattered or offended that you thought I was Pinkie.” I said and got back up on my hooves. “Wait, I take it back. Definitely a compliment.”

The girl has her hands on her mouth as she gasped. “Omigosh! You’re Rarity!” She yells and goes to hug me again, but Ryan has already scooped me up and is carrying me away under his arm.

“I would be bitching at you right about now for being so late,” I sighed, as Ryan was really warm. “But better late than never, I suppose.” I grumble as Ryan carries me to the front door of the Golden Corral.

“Sorry, I saw this really sweet Dodge Charger and I had to stop and check it out.” He shrugs his shoulders and pushes open the door.

v^v^v^v^v

Right at the register, a woman with purple dyed hair stood tentative and ready to seat us. She was unperturbed by the white unicorn who asked for a table for two and showed us to our seats without question.

“The buffet special I presume?” She asked with an awfully large grin as I jumped into my chair.

“Yes, that’ll be fine, thanks.” I said, craning my neck around to see a thousand eyes staring at me. Many of them belong to kids, but a few men as well with gaping mouths and bits of food falling out of their jaws.

How brutish, they should learn some manners.

“You got that right, Rarity..” I whispered and turned back to the waitress. Her smile seemed so forced and unreal. It was scaring the hell out of me.

“And what to drink, ma’am?” She asked and wrote something down on a pad.

“Apple juice if you don’t mind.” I mutter.

“And you for you, sir?”

Ryan looked up from the menu. “Coca Cola please.”

The lady walked away, signaling Ryan and I to get to the buffet. I jumped out of my chair and followed my redheaded pal.

^v^v^v^v^

We pulled our plates along side the bar, picking up a  few things that looked good. My own plate, which I had floating a few feet above me in a blue glow,  was stacked with mountains of sliced bananas , cheesecake, and a pile of chocolate coated strawberries. On the other hoof, Ryan had mounds of steak, cheese, and fish piled on his meager porcelain plate.

“What, no vegetables?” I asked him playfully.

“Gee, thanks for looking our for me, mom.” He rolled his eyes and slapped down a mound of mashed potatoes. We head back to our seats hastily as people have taken notice to the little unicorn in at the bar, yet before I reach my chair, a  teen who couldn’t be any older than fourteen stops me with a tap on the shoulder.

I turn to her direction and she has braces along her white toothed smile. Her brown eyes meet my own and she holds her arms out to me. She’s wearing a purple shirt with my face printed on it and something about her almost breaks my heart. I silently take a step closer to her and she bends down on one knee to me with her arms extended. I press my head against her shoulder and she wraps her arms around me gently. I feel her fingers run through my mane, but I make no attempt to stop her. It’s like I’m being treated like a child again. I feel safe.

“Ahh, Tony?” Ryan says down to me, but I put a hoof in his direction and motion for him to go away.

The girl’s embrace tightens for a moment before she breaks away from me and smiles.

“And it’s been wonderful meeting you too, darling.” I say calmly.

She gives no direct response, other than moving her lips wordlessly and a few hand gestures that I don’t recognize.

“Pardon me dear?” I say inquisitively. “Speak up, I can’t quite hear you.”

Her smile turns into a sad frown and I pay closer attention to what she is trying to say. Her lips are mouthing the words I can’t speak. My eyes widen in shock at the revelation that she is mute and I wrap my hooves around her torso as an apology and to show I care.

She seems to understand my gesture and lifts my chin with a finger and smiles down at me once more, and I kid you not, I could fall in love with that cute braced grin. I’m Sammy, she mouths once more and I think I hear my heart start to break.

“My name is Rarity and it’s a pleasure to meet you, Sammy.” I say quietly into her shoulder and take a small step back.

Sammy grins and raises an eyebrow.with a grin on her face that says otherwise.

Pardon me guys, I gotta take a moment to put my heart back together with duct tape and super glue....

“Okay, okay, my name is actually Tony.” I say guiltily and droop my head. Sammy presses a soft hand against my cheek. I lean against her hand as he follows the contours of my head and scratches the spot right behind my ear. Fair warning, if you see me and try this, unless you are adorable, expect to have your hand bitten off. No joke.

Sammy was the first to break the hug and cuddle fest first. She rose to her feet and started to fiddle with her fingers, shifting from side to side.

Ask her to have lunch with you. Rarity said in the confines of my mind.. She obviously likes talking to you, so do her that honor and spend a little more time with her.

“Care to enjoy lunch with me, darling?”

Sammy’s face lit up and she soundlessly gasped and put the end of her fingertips against her chest. Me? She pantomimed a faint and gave me her really cute smile.  

“Well, what other young lady would I dare ask?” I say with a flip of my mane and hold a hoof up to her. Sammy looks as though about to faint, but lets me lead her back to my table where Ryan is sitting.

“Make a new friend?” Ryan chuckles through a mouthful of chewed food.

I curtly pull a seat out for my new friend and she takes a seat.

“Yes I did Ryan, and her name is Sammy.” I say matter of factly and jump into my own seat. Sammy holds a hand over the table in greeting to Ryan. He takes it apprehensively.

“Uhh, Hey. I’m Ryan”

She nods and waves a hand over her throat, shaking her head.

“Mute?”

Sammy nods.

“You’re not some psychopath who wants to abduct my little friend?”

She shakes her head furiously with a look of shock.

Ryan stabs a spoon into his potatoes and smiles. “Okay, you’re fine by me then.”

v^v^v^v^v

Although Sammy can’t speak, she told me a lot about herself while we ate. She’s fifteen, lives downtown and loves theaters.

A sliced banana on a fork was four inches from my face and slowly came closer. Sammy was feeding me bananas, strawberries and a piece of cheesecake. And again, any of you try this, I swear you will lose a few fingers.

Tony, have you no shame?

I nabbed the sliced piece of heaven and Sammy giggled soundlessly. There was a bright flash off to the side and Ryan was laughing.

“You cheeky bastard.” I turn my head slowly and see Ryan laughing in his seat with a phone.

“Instant internet classic!” Ryan snickers, hitting a hand on the table. “Rarity eating a banana!”

Sammy is silently laughing as well and I give in due to second hand exposure. Soon we are all howling louder than a pack of loonies in Bedlam.

“SAMANTHA!” A very loud and masculine voice yells from behind us. Her head jerks around and her face goes pale. I turn around in my seat with her to see who is yelling. “I told you not to wonder off!” A tall man in cargos and a blue tee is standing a few feet away. “You know what can happen if-” He stops and looks down at me. “Oh dear god, they’ve found me.”

I glance back up to Sammy. “Big brother?”

She nods, her face void of color.

He scowls and grabs Sammy by the wrist and jerks her away. “We’re going home, right now Samantha!” She falters for a moment and almost falls down, but catches herself and frees her hand. A few unknown gestures and hand signs later, her brother still looks pissed.

“No, I will not just give her a chance! Those damn ponies have already destroyed the days and you want me to have lunch with one?”

Samantha glared up at her brother. He was a good foot taller than her. She stamped a foot against the ground.

“Don’t you dare throw a tantrum here.” He said coldly and grabbed her wrist again. “We’re going home, that’s final!”

Sammy struggles to break from his iron clad grip with no avail and starts getting dragged away.

Tony! Do something! You can’t just let him take that poor girl! Rarity yells with panic in her voice. Heads up darling, assuming direct control! A familiar shock resounded through my body as I felt like I was getting thrown into a passenger side seat.

“I’m sorry, sir. We are doing our best to fix what Discord has done, he is the one that changed the days.” Rarity pleaded through my, or her mouth, holding a hoof to my chest. “I swear we are trying to fix this.”

He let Samantha go and she started rubbing her hand where a red ring encircled her wrist. “Then explain to me why this is even happening!”

“Discord is returning and has caused this and I’m doing what I can to ensure that chaos and destruction is not let loose upon this world!” Rarity jumps down from the chair and looks up to him. “You have to believe me, this isn’t our fault.”

Samantha’s brother glares down at me with hatred in his eyes, but unclenches his balled fists and bends down to eye level. “Just fix whatever has gone wrong. For Sam.”

“I promise you sir, I will do all that I can to restore order to this world, but just know that is not that pony’s fault things have gone awry.” With a tug at the back of my mind, I am back in control again, and the two are walking away.

“Dude. That was intense.” Ryan comments through a mouthful of food.



> Generosity Philosophy
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Considering what I’ve done in the past few minutes, I’m wondering if I just solved a problem or made an entirely new one. Nonetheless, Ryan and I finished our lunch quickly with few words to be said. Although the cheesecake was soft, decadent and very flavorful. 

Other than a few fans freaking out and wanting to get pictures taken with me, it was no big deal. Being in a slightly better mood than the shit sandwich incident, I obliged to take a few pictures with a couple children and friendly bronies. Although most of them had terrible cosplays.

 No words were spoken between Ryan and I as we left the Golden Corral. A bell rang overhead as we exited and walked together into the slightly warmer parking lot. Nothing extraordinary happened while we walked across the pavement to Ryan’s truck.

“No crowds of crazy fans to surround and attack me.” I say aloud, trying to lighten the mood. “Shocking, considering my luck. But something’s gotta give, right? I mean, I haven’t even told you about my near death duel with a witch from a cartoon.” 

“Two things.” Ryan said while opening the passenger side door for me. “One, you fought a witch?”

“After trying to use my charm to convince I wasn’t a pony and playing a game of chess against her, yes.”

He popped open the driver side door and sat down next to me. “Okay. Two, how did you beat her? You aren’t exactly built like a tank.” He says very judgingly, taking another shot at my ego.

“She shape shifted into a wolf!” I declare and wave my hooves in the air for added effect. “But, being the fast thinker I am, I shoved a brick in her mouth as she was about to bite down on me!” 

Ryan stifled a chuckle and began to pull out of the parking lot. “Then what?” 

“I kicked her in the mouth and broke her jaw. What else?” I say proudly, recalling the event.

Ryan stopped the truck, jerking me forward suddenly. “What?” He exclaims in surprise.

“I sent a buck into her jaw and broke it. Then she flew away after turning into a hummingbird.” I say after pulling myself off of the cramped foot space below.

Ryan was bewildered as he stared at me in disbelief.

“Surprised?” I ask with a giggle and nudge him with a hoof. “I’m not completely helpless, Ryan.”

“Wait, you’re serious? You’re not joking? You actually beat the hell out of a witch single handedly?”

“Then why did punch that jerk in the face if you could’ve taken him?”

“Because I probably would’ve ended up killing him...”

v^v^v^v^v

We sat in silence as Ryan drove along the winding city streets. Some song was playing on the radio, but I wasn’t really paying attention.

You’re going to have to patch things up with him somehow, you know. Rarity says, tugging at the back of my mind.

With a heavy sigh I look up at Ryan. By his expression, I can only guess he is beyond nervous and possibly frustrated.

“This was a triumph.” I mutter, barely audible.

Ryan looks away from the road as we stop at a red light and glances down at me.

“I’m making a note here..”

“What?” He asks incredulously.

“Huge success.” I say a little louder.

“Tch, what are you doing?” Ryan says, holding back obvious laughter from his voice.

“It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.” I start singing and Ryan smiles.

“Aperture Science.” Ryan adds with one hand on the steering wheel. “We do what we must, because we can.” He quickly catches on.

“Foooor the good of all of us!” I pause for a moment and grin devilishly. “Except the ones who are dead.”

Ryan shakes his head in agreement. “But there’s no sense crying over every mistake.”

I raise my hoof to my mouth, pantomiming I’m eating it. “You just keep on trying ‘till you run out of cake.”

“And the science gets done and you make a neat gun.” Ryan points a finger gun at me as he sings that line. “For the people who are still alive.” Ryan grins and pulls back his hand as if he shot me. “I’m not even angry.” He looks down at me with a warm smile and puts his hands back on the wheel. “I’m being so sincere right now.”

Not exactly the approach I would’ve taken, but nicely done darling.

v^v^v^v

I won’t go into full detail of our singing, because that would just a page full of us being complete idiots. Anyhow, one laugh filled drive later, I was saying goodbye to my new friend and hopefully be on my way to New York. 

In a trained fashion, I jumped out of Ryan’s truck and my hooves hit the ground once more. The greyhound bus station couldn’t be more than twenty feet away, yet my chest felt heavy and it felt like a few miles as we walked across the paved sidewalk.

“Well, thanks for your help, Ryan.” I mumble with a shake in my voice. In the few hours I’ve known the red headed giant, I’ve grown attached to him and this may well be that last time I see him. “You’re a great person Ryan, and a even better friend that I could’ve asked for.”

“Likewise, Rari- Tony. Sorry.” He replies and scratches the back of his head. “So.. You have my number if you need anything, right?” Ryan mutters, trying to not sound worried, but it’s all too obvious.

“Yeah...” I trail off and stare up at the tinted glass door before me.

“Hey, stay safe man. And don’t let anyone push you around because you’re a cute little unicorn.” Ryan’s smile is reassuring and my heart breaks for the second time today. My eyes start to sting and my ears are pressed against my head. 

Not before long, a tear rolls off my cheek and splashes onto the pavement. “Damn it Ryan, get your ass down here and give me a hug.”

He drops to his knees and wraps his arms around me, the warmth of his body spreading over my sadly shaking limbs. My hooves are lifted off the ground slightly as Ryan pulls me closer to him. “Don’t cry, Tony. If you do, I’ll start cry-” His voice was cut off by a sniffle and his sobs blotted out anything intelligible he was trying to say.  

“This is... goodbye, my friend.” I steel my voice and stop the shaking. Ryan lets go of me and stands back up. He wipes his face on his sleeve and sighs. “Well, I can’t put this off much longer, Ryan.”

“Yeah. I know, Tony,” is the last thing he says before turning his back to me and starts walking away. I sit outside and watch him leave as she pops open the door and jumps in. His blue ford roars to life. 

“Bye Ryan.” I whisper and head into the bus station. 

The place is empty, spare the single man standing behind a counter with a smile. He waves to me and motions me over. 

“Good afternoon, ma’am.” He says cheerfully and I trot towards him, as my hooves make dull thuds against the tile. “One ticket to New York City, I presume?” He asks with a chuckle.

“Yeah.. How’d you know?” I inquire and use a stool to see over  the counter as I reach him.

“I saw the news and since you’re a little talking unicorn, I could only guess.”

“Right...” I say and drop the eye contact. “One ticket to New York please.”

A few button presses and cash register ding later, he’s smiling at me. “$57.45.” He says, still very cheery.

I slide my card over the counter and he swipes it. “Transaction approved, sweetheart.” He winks and hands me my card and a slip of paper. Remind me to start hating this guy pronto. I hate being called sweetheart. “Lucky you, that’s the last ticket I can sell since the bus is full otherwise.”

“Thanks, when does the bus leave?” I ask and put my card and the slip of paper in my bag.

“I would say an half an hour or so.” The clerk says and checks a wrist watch. “Yeah, it’s two twenty one, and the bus leaves at three.”

As I leave to take a seat, a man in a dark blue suit and tie with a suitcase in hand rushed by me, leaving me spinning on the floor.

Well, that certainly was rude..

“I need a ticket to New York City! As soon as possible!” The suit man exclaims.

“I’m terribly sorry sir, but I just sold the last ticket.” The clerk motions over to me.

Suit man starts panicking. “What, that’s not possible! I NEED to get to New York, there has to be another ticket! I’ve got a deadline to meet or thousands of jobs across the United States may be destroyed!”

Rarity, are you thinking what I’m thinking?

My guess is what your are about to do something severely noble of yourself and possible delay your arrival in New York by a few days.

“That’s right, Madam Rarity.” I say aloud and trot over to the business-esque looking man. He doesn’t look too happy to see me.

“This is just great! You fucking ponies are ruining everything!”

I look up to him, and smile. “Sir, I’m terribly sorry for what has happened as of recent, and I am trying my best to fix what order has been destroyed by Discord.”

Wait. Rarity, Discord is behind this?

Yes darling, you can quiz me about it another time.

He glares down at me with no sympathy in his features. “I don’t care! First it was the days! Then it rained chocolate milk in my neighborhood! Now you have the last ticket to New York!”

“Then let me make it up to you, sir.” I address his anger and hopefully my sense of good will shall prevail.

“And just how are you going to do that?” He sneers.

The horn atop my head glows blue and my backpack unzips. “You can have my ticket.” Within seconds, the slip of paper that the clerk gave me is floating out in front of the man by a few inches. “Please, I do insist.”

He looks as though he’s in shock, but gingerly takes the ticket in his hand. “Wh-what.?” He stammers. 

“Please take it.” Rarity says using our mouth. 

“As an apology and a-” My sentence is cut off...

By Rarity... “Guarantee that we shall correct this horrid mess.” 

The man’s glare softens as his eyes roll to the ticket. The rage that was ever so present in his eyes is gone. “I don’t know what to say..” He rubs the back of his neck then looks back to me. “I guess... I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”

Oohh! Tony, I’m so proud you!

“Don’t worry about it, it’s what I do.” I say and already begin to turn around. “Just know that it’s not the pony’s fault this happening, so if you see any others, don’t yell at them. It’s rude.” I say once more and turn from him. 

As I did so, my chest felt warm. Like I just did something really good. (Because I did!) I plant my hooves on the floor and fish out my phone. “Hopefully Ryan can still help me out.” I mutter and begin dialing his number he gave me. 

Ring ring...

“C’mon big guy, answer...”

Ring ring...

“Hello?” Came a familiar voice that belonged to none other than my ginger savior himself.

“Heeey, Ryan. Listen, I might need some help getting to the big apple...”

“I’m on it. Can you meet me down the street by Sam’s Hot Dogs?”

“Yeah, thanks man!”

“Don’t worry about it.” Ryan says then hangs up.

“Well, that was easy.” I mutter and start walking out the door... And see Ryan sitting on the tailgate of his truck outside.

“Hey, what can I say? I’m a bad liar.” I gallop across the parking lot as fast as my legs will allow... Right into Ryan's arms.
> Revelations
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monster of steel and aluminum on wheels, choking out hazardous fumes into the atmosphere. Colossal structures made of glass and concrete that block out the sun. This is why I hate large cities. Especially while I’m in a traffic jam and I haven’t moved from the same place in ten minutes. I’m not complaining or anything, but these guys could at least have the decency to not cut us off every ten seconds!

Despite everything that has happened, I’m happy to see you haven’t had a mental breakdown over the series of complicated events that have nearly ended our endeavor to New York. Says the unicorn in my head. Although you have an unorthodox way of doing things, your resilience is very admirable.

“Why thank you, Rarity.” I say quietly, feeling rather proud of myself as I recall the past events.

I mean, let’s face it. I doubt I myself could’ve faced down a mad witch who was trying to kill me. Yet you handled it like it was a walk in the park! She says ecstatically. And the whole government testing? There is no possible way I could’ve handled the humility of being tested on like some sort of animal! Not to mention the dreadful humidity. I mean honestly, it’s as though they had never heard of split ends.

“You’re too kind.” I mutter softly and vividly remember each step of the compound, every breath I took while playing a life or death game of chess, even the feeling of falling out of my bed on my first day of waking up in this body.

Not to mention your bout with the walking clown! I thought I was going to simply die when my eyes were subjected with his presence.

Almost immediately after she finishes, I come to realise what has happened to me and it’s a surprise I’m still alive. You would think that after almost breaking your neck, getting suffocated and many other accounts of complete bullshit, you gotta ask; how the hell am I even alive?

That question remains unanswered and I feel my limbs starting to lock up. “How did I do all of that?” I ask myself nervously and have the revelation that I beat down Mad Madam Mim, who I might add is from cartoon with King Freaking Arthur. “Holy shit, I beat the hell out of Mim.” I say triumphantly and laugh. Because I have good reason to. I’m a badass unicorn and no one can say different!

“Having fun talking to yourself?” Ryan butts in with a joking tone.

One familiar shock later, I’m tossed out of control and I’m sitting in the passenger side again. “He’s not just talking to anypony, Ryan.” Rarity says, batting her eyelashes. “Why, he is speaking to none other that moi.” She announces with a hoof to her chest.

“Very funny Tony. But seriously, you aren’t loco in the coco are you?” He glances around the truck interior for a moment, seeing the traffic has yet to become any less jammed. “Because you gotta tell me if you are..”

“No, Ryan, he is not crazy. He is just stuck in the back of his mind while I stretch for the first time in days. The air here is atrocious, did you know that? absolutely horrible.”

From the look on Ryan’s face, I could confirm that he was easily jealous that he didn’t have a pony in his head to talk to. Or he was about to lose his lunch. Either one is funny. “The first thing you say to one of your fans in their truck smells.”

“City, not truck. The whole place... Anyway it is quite nice to meet you Ryan.” She holds out her hoof to him.

“Right..” The orange haired giant says and meets her (my?) hoof with one of his gargantuan hands.

“I am quite honored by how... protective of me you have been, or of my mental passenger, either one. You have been quite the gentlecolt, er... gentleman.”

“Anytime.” He says quickly and returns his gaze to the road. The truck pulls up by a few feet and he turns back to us. “While I’m talking to you, mind if I ask how you and Tony got all... Mixed together?”

She clears her throat and raises a hoof before sighing. “Magic.”

“To be honest...” she continues. “I am not a magic theorist or even an especially powerful unicorn, but from what I understand, our realities are linked, sort of. But physical matter cannot cross from one to the other, just concepts and information. This body is a reconstruction of mine, using matter from this reality. Thus why Tony’s body is... no more.”

Ryan nods and turns back to the road.

“He is stuck as a mare. This of course is traumatic to him, but I find it absolutely hilarious, considering how many times in his memories he has been thankful that he was male. Kaaaarma.” She sings gleefully.

“Tch... Poor guy. He’s not stuck like that forever though, right?”

“In a matter of days, there won’t be a “me” or “him” anymore. It will just be us, and I have to say he probably won't mind that much once he has calmed down and had some time to relax.”

Apparently my mental breakdown inside my own mind had been heard at some point during their conversation. How nice.

“I’m sure he’ll be okay. He’s a pretty cool dude.”

“Here, let me toss him back in the drivers seat and see how much of a panic he is in.” She suddenly swapped places and I could swear she was chuckling.

“-Uaaaaccck!” I’m suddenly screaming with my hooves holding my ears down. “RYAN! I’m so fucked!”

No more than four seconds later, I rolled off the truck seat and curled into a ball in the foot space below, rocking from side to side.

“Dude, are you okay?”

“No I’m not okay! I didn’t know I was going to be stuck in Rarity’s body! No one told me this! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS SHIT!”

“It’s not so bad.” Ryan says and pats me on the head. “You got the element of generosity didn’t you?”

I pause for a moment, stopping my freakout. “Say what now?”

“You got the element of Generosity. I mean, I assumed you were gonna talk about it but then you started talking to yourself.”

I let go of my ears and look down at my torso. What I see is a surprise. A golden crest hangs around my neck, just barely visible under my hoodie. I quickly throw the garment off to get a look at the purple gem that is inlaid into the gold necklace.

“When the hell did I get this?”

“I don’t know, you had it when you got into the truck. Isn’t it heavy?”

“N-no, I didn’t even know I had it.” I stutter, looking over the neck piece in awe.

“Well it is really nice. I thought maybe you had got it for doing something cliche like giving away your bus ticket or something.”

“Ha.. Yeah, something cliche.” I mutter and feel the necklace come off my shoulders, allowing me to study it closer. It looks just like the element of generosity from the cartoon, just shiner. “Ryan... This is kinda badass.”

“So you’re not still upset about being stuck as a pony?”

“No, not really.” I say and smile up at him. “How could I be, when I got my hooves on an element of harmony!?”

“Good, because traffic just cleared up and I was afraid you were going to be crying the whole way to New York.” Ryan says, chuckling and the truck starts rolling down the street once more.

Well well, I am just as surprised as you are, my dear. Congratulations on managing to obtain it before we became one though, ahead of schedule and everything!

“Thanks?” I whisper, because I’m fairly sure Ryan still thinks I’m crazy.

But I don’t understand why gaining the element has caused such a change of heart for you.

Rarity, you don’t seem to understand how awesome this is. You see, I’m one brony. A single brony, okay? I mentally reply. With the element of generosity, I just achieved something no other brony could possibly do!

Darling, you had that position when you woke up as me. It couldn’t have happened otherwise. This is simply the trigger to the weapon that the elements have become.

“Hurray for destiny!” I say aloud, clapping my hooves together.

> Down Time On SeventyNine
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know what has completely boggled my mind throughout the years? Braiding hair. I have absolutely no idea how to braid hair whatsoever, but that doesn’t stop me from asking Rarity to give me a few pointers. I mean, I’m getting sick and tired of having a purple mass of hair slapping me in the face every time I take two steps. So, it seemed like a reasonable thing to do. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know how to braid hair. Right? That’s not girly or anything. Right? Of course it not. It’s a completely rational thing for a guy like me to want to know... Right?

Okay, enough ranting.

Ryan and I eventually got out of the smog filled city and reached a long highway that seemed to stretch on forever. After what seemed like hours, I lost track of time and before I knew it, our truck was the only thing rolling down this lonely road to redemption.

As we rode on, the local radio stations slowly faded into static and I was left to watch the fields of snow roll by. I felt like something was watching me. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but something about those white fields just gives me goose bumps. Maybe it’s just the desolation of the empty roads that is getting to me.

Something wrong, Tony? Rarity calmly presses into my thoughts with her regular sweet tone.

For a split second, I swear I see a flash of pink in clear contrast to the bleak and white snow. “No, I’m fine.” I mumble in response to my brain buddy.

Clearly I’m hallucinating from exhaust and fatigue.

“Just a little tired.” I say weakly and lean my head against the window. “And bored.”

Perhaps that may be, but you’re practically going up in flames! Rarity jokes, and I swear she is laughing on the inside of my head again. You might’ve have caught cold!

Sure enough, I press a hoof against my head and to no surprise, my forehead is warm to the touch. Just my fucking luck.

“Rarity, I’m fine.” I quip followed by a sniffle and let loose a sharp sneeze. “If you went through what I have, I’m sure you would feel like shit too.” I affirm with a chuckle, yet I can feel Rarity’s glare burning a hole into the back of my head.

Anthonie. She states calmly, but her words are etched in stone. The least you could do is pull over and pick up something for your fever.

“Okay, okay. Geez, you sound like my mother.” I groan and look up to Ryan.

My grand companion glances over to me and smiles warmly. “Done talking to yourself again?” Ryan laughs and turn his eyes back to the icy road. His knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly and he appears very focused, despite his friendly demeanor. He must be working hard to keep this old clunker steady while as we race down the slick asphalt.

I open my mouth to say something, but a shiver rolls down my spine once again and Rarity has taken over without warning! Un-fucking-believable.

“Hey, Ryan,” says the alabaster seamstress.

“What’s up, Tony?” He says calmly, but stalwart.

“Do think that we could... Like, make a quick pit stop?” Rarity says, adding spice of gruffness to her petite voice and looks up to him with a rugged smile that I’ve worn from day one. “I think I might have a case of the sniffles.” She laughs half heartedly and props her hooves on the dashboard.

Well I’ll be damned. She is better at imitating me that I am at her.

Ryan smiles again and the truck suddenly staggers to the right, almost sending us onto the floor once again. “Yeah, sure man. I need to stop and get some gas or we’re walking to York.” He says, his face going dark as we turn off the exit ramp.

“Thanks Ryan.” Rarity giggles happily and perks up to see the scenery as we tumble down the bumpy road. As we slid down the beaten concrete roads, a rusted sign comes into view. Shortly after, Rarity throws me back in control and if it weren’t for the fact she had done what she did for the better of my health, I probably would’ve been pissed.

“Welcome to Burnsville.” Ryan says as we roll through the light fog that has settled over this ghostly looking town. Every building and storefront looks so lifeless and without joy.

I don’t like it here.

Ryan’s beat up truck rumbled down the eerily empty street, while a neon Exxon sign acted as our beacon through the fog to the gas station. Though nothing more than a petrol station, the gentle glow of the fluorescent lights seemed to give a ward to the dense fog and gave me a sense of security as we grew closer to the corner store.

I’m unsure what it is about the layer of fog coating this town, but it seemed so unnatural and unreal. It’s too dense. Something is telling me that this is Discord’s doing; we can barely see ten feet in front of us!

We pulled up to the deserted filling station and our doors clicked open in a synchronized beat. As soon as I step hoof out of the truck, I’m blasted by a cool gust of wind, forcing me to cover my face with my hooves.

Rarity, take a note. Remind me to get a unicorn sized ski mask the next chance I can.

Ryan waves to me and starts pumping his truck with gas. “Get what you need Tony. I’ll wait out here for ya.”

I return his gentle smile and start trotting towards the glowing door of the convenience store, but I keep turning back to make sure I could still see Ryan. A few more steps later and he was engulfed in the blanket of fog, leaving me all alone in front of the glowing glass door.

I hate fog.

With a heavy sigh I push open the glass door and head on in. A bell overhead chimes and I’m greeted a blanket of warm air flowing over me. Much nicer than the harsh chill outside.

Someone yells from the other side of the store. I spin around quickly to see a newspaper propped up and two hands on both ends of it.

“No hoodies, backpacks, or thick jackets.” Says a masculine voice coming from behind the newspaper at the register. “If you’re wearing anything like that and are walking around, you will be considered shoplifting and I will call the police. Please place all loose articles of clothing that fall under this category on the counter and you can get whatever the hell it is you want.” He says in a very bored tone.

“What if all I’m wearing is a hoodie and a backpack?” I ask cautiously.

The man laughs from behind his paper. “Well damn. Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” He laughs again. “How about a drink sweet heart? On the house.”

I take a moment to think.

I’m not wearing anything other than my hoodie and backpack. This guy wants to give me a free soda for that?

Hell yes.

My hooves make virtually no sound against the rubber mats as I trot to the counter. The guy who was talking still has his face buried into his paper as I tactfully placed my hooves atop the counter.

“I’ll take an ice cold cola if you don’t mind.”

The newspaper comes down, and at first I see a cocky looking young man, possibly in his early twenties. He stares at me for a few short moments, his eyes full of confusion.

“Hi!”

His eyes roll back and he slips off his chair, hitting the floor...

THUMP

“Was it something I said?” I ask and peek over the counter, seeing him sprawled onto the floor. “Are you okay.”

He gives no response, but I can see his chest rising and falling slowly.

He’ll be fine. I tell myself and take my hooves off the linoleum counter. I quickly turn about and head to the shelves of merchandise.

I cut my shopping expedition short to grab a bottle of pink cough medicine, a coca cola and a bag of marshmallows. Before I leave, I drop twenty dollars on the counter, because stealing is wrong.

I do not condone stealing, theft or bribery in any way shape or form.

I made my way out to the parking lot and immediately noticed the only spot of color in the area was no longer the car. A pastel pink pegasus with a light purple mane and tail stood next to the truck, talking to my brony.

“Excuse me?” I started as I trotted over to them, casually noting that the mist seemed thinner in this area, but still just as dense elsewhere.

“Oh! You must be Rarity.” The pegasus said with a friendly smile.

“Um, yes, sort of. Who are you?” I asked curiously, wondering where another pony could have come from, and why they would want to seek me out beside my celebrity status.

“Oh, my name is Bonnie. Nice to meet you.” She says, looking to Ryan expectantly.

“Oh, right. So the truck won’t start.” He says with a scowl, kicking a rock in frustration. “I went to make a phone call and when I got back it was dead.” He explained.

“And she showed up... when?” I asked, gesturing to the still infectiously happy pony.

Ryan’s eyes seemed a bit distant for a moment before he answered. “I... don’t know. A bit before you walked out I guess.”

“Ooookay... So we need a mechanic right?” I proposed, and Ryan flipped out his cellphone with a nod before growling at the device. “No signal. Wait here, keep an eye on... Her.” He looked at Bonnie with a bit of confusion before trotting... er, jogging off to the gas station.

I turned to the perky pink pony with a hollow smile. “So...” I started off, before silence fell between us and the mist swirled gently.

Not the most talkative of ponies, is she? Rarity chimed in as my fake smile was stretched even thinner.

“No, I’m not very talkative on normal occasions, but... Oh! I’m sorry, I didnt mean... My name is Bonnie by the way.” She said, her own now fake seeming smile just as stressed as my own.

No words formed in my brain, so I did the only rational thing to do at a time like this. I uncapped the bottle of cough medicine, letting the soothing aroma of bubble gum waft into my nostrils. My eyes shifted from the bottle to the mysterious mare.

A few short moments of silence later, I press the bottle to my lips while keeping constant eye contact while I can. She often would glance away, breaking from my gaze.

Before I knew it, the bottle was empty and I instinctively trot over to a trash bin that is no more than five feet from the pegasus. As I throw the bottle away, I catch the mare as she is looking off to the side, noticing two blue parallel lighting bolts adorning her flank.

The mark looks so familiar, yet I can’t place my hoof on it. I feel like I should know who she is, yet it’s so vague. It’s like a co-worker you never talk to, but know who they are.

She turned to face me, still holding onto her smile. “So... you have the element of Generosity I see, congratulations!”

I open my mouth to say something in turn, but stop myself.

How does she know that? I ask myself, looking down at my chest; the necklace completely concealed underneath my sweatshirt. “Yeah...” I mutter, tapping a hoof where I would guess the gem would be inlaid. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Makes me feel... I don’t know... Useful.”

“You are useful. Without you Discord would end up turning this world into nothing but a smouldering ruin.” Bonnie said with a frightening amount of sincerity.

The thought of my hometown burning to ashes flashes through my mind. The place I once called home burning. Chaos and destruction claiming the parks and buildings I grew up in. The echoing screams...

“Well, I’m not going to let that happen.” I said, with a lot more conviction than I felt with Discord’s figurative shadow looming over me.

“Well no. I am not either. I need a favor from you Rarity.” Bonnie said nervously, looking back at the gas station as though afraid of Ryan’s return. “Two favors actually.”

“Well, if you sought me out, who am I to say no?” I replied with a sincere smile. “What do you need done?”

“Firstly, when you meet up with lauren faust, tell her that Bonnie is watching out for her. Secondly, I need you to turn around.” She explained with an apologetic smile.

Feeling a little more trusting of the pony, I spin on my hooves with my tail to her. “Okay..?”

A sudden gust of wind nearly knocked me over, before everything fell still. I turned to look back at Bonnie but she was gone without a trace, nothing left behind to mark her passing.

“So the mechanics are all closed.” Ryan’s voice proclaimed, startlingly close.

I shrugged. “And in other in news, Bonnie just pulled a houdini on me.”.

“Bonnie?” He asks, raising an eyebrow as he walks over to the car and gets out his jacket to shield against the cold mist that was once again creeping in on us.

“You know, pink coat, blue mane, lighting bolts on her ass?”

It’s called a flank, dear. Rarity quipped with a great deal of sarcasm.

“Is that another pony in your head now?” Ryan asked with a good natured chuckle.

“Ryan. She was just here. What did you do? Hit your head against a stop sign on your way back?”

“No, but you are being a bit screwy, insisting to wait with the truck while I went in, I mean not like it’s going anywhere.” He laughed as he tried the key again, sharing my look of shock as the truck started up without so much as a cough.

“Well crap, what did you do to it?” He asked me in awe.

“But I... You... Pony.... She... Fuck.” I start muttering and look back up to the roaring Ford. “I used magic. I don’t have to explain shit.”
> Trust Me!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I’m afraid. Actually, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently. I’ve been thinking mostly about my life about a week ago. Back when I was just Tony, that really tall guy who likes to make people laugh, play video games and read a story about a group of bronies leading a reconnaissance through equestria. Yeah, that used to be me.

Now that way of life for me is dead.

I’ve been chosen for some crazy greater purpose. One I really don’t think I’m ready for. The weight of the world rests on my shoulders and it scares me shitless! Countless lives depend on my courage to take a stand, but I feel like a sniveling coward. Every second I just want to close my eyes and wish this all away.

But I can’t..

Sure, I could run away, but what good would that do? None. I would be killing thousands of innocent people who deserve no such demise.

But what about me?

I always put other’s needs before my own. I always have, my whole life.

Do I enjoy the pain of bearing the sufferings of others? Do I crave the accomplishment?

Even after all this is over and Discord is defeated, I won’t be who I was. I’ll barely be myself.

Is this my fate?

To give up almost everything I’ve worked for my whole life just so the world can keep spinning on a needle?

As I sit alone in the recesses of my mind, I clutch my knees to my chest and cry.

I cry for friends I have come to love over the years. I sob for the family that has kept me safe through the span of my short life. I weep for myself, because if I can’t be brave, I lose them all.

I can feel every ghastly tear stream down my face, every droplet taunting me and proving my cowardice. My courage; only a shroud I wear to feel loved.

It’s literally do or die now.

My jaw clenches and sweat forms at my brow.

I can’t do this alone.

But I know I’m not alone.

Rarity has been sitting back to back with me this whole time.

How much has she had to give up? How many tears has she hidden from me?

“I’m s-sorry.” I stutter through the tears. “I’m sorry for being weak.”

I can feel her putting some pressure against my back, but she’s not crying.

“I’m sorry for being stupid,” I continue with every desire to stop the tears that flow freely from my face.

A long silence surrounds us like a thick fog and neither of us say anything for several moments.

“We’ve been through alot, you and I.” She finally says with little emotion in her words. “We’ve both been taken from our lives as we knew them. But I ripped you from your life and forced you into this psychotic adventure.” She says sorrowfully.

“It’s not your fault.” I mumble. “So let’s not play the blame game and face facts.”

I lean back against Rarity and she sighs.

“And what are they?” She asks.

“We have the potential to do many great things.” I propose wearily, a vague positive at best.

“Well, yes I’ve known this since I met you.” She muses weakly.

She gets up and I slowly start tipping back.

“Do you not trust me?”

“Of course I trust you Rarity.” I reply, still tipping.

“Do you trust me to catch you?”

“I’m pretty heavy.” I say with a smirk.

“Well, I do have magic you know.” She replies as I reach the tipping point of no return.

“Enough magic to hold me up?”

“Well, friendship is magic, is it not?” She snickers as I fall backwards and am caught in a blue glow and set down gently.

“Oh ha ha ha.” I say sarcastically and crane my neck to look up at her. “I’ve trusted you from the start Rarity. Ever since you first started talking to me, I knew we were in this together, but...” I soon trail off as my thoughts return to the possibility of losing my family.

“It’s all or nothing Tony.” She says and holds one of her hooves in front of my face. “What was the name of that game you played? Poker? Yes, I do believe that’s it.” She grins and pulls me up to my knees.

“And what does that have to do with anything?”

“You remember that night, about two weeks ago when you were playing poker with your colleagues?”

“Well yeah, I won big that ni- Hey! Have you been snooping through my memories again?”

“Maybe, but that’s not the point.” She returns with calm features as I let go of her hoof. “The point is that you and I, we’re going all in. Okay?” She smiles, but suddenly turns into a grimace. “I swear to Celestia if you take that the wrong way I WILL smack you.”

I put my hands in front of my face defensively and try my best to not giggle. “I get it, I get it. Now, how does that solve our problem?”

“That’s just is, daaaahling. We don’t have a problem. At least, shortly we won’t. This whole mixing of personalities and memories will finish and... and I suppose I'll have to get used to being a bit more uncouth than before.” She says with a wry smile.

“Okay, so we are.. Fusing, right?” I ask with rising panic.

“Yes, this is correct.”

“What about me? Will I still be able to think?”

“As much as I am capable of doing so.” She giggles and bops me on the leg with a hoof. “You may just get smarter!”

“And what about you? What will happen to you?”

She gasps dramatically. “Well, I dare say I may get dumber.” She rolls her eyes. “We aren't dying. We aren’t leaving, we are becoming one. I am pretty sure this is your sort of humor anyway.” she huffs with a smile she can’t hide. “Me getting the raw end of the deal already.”

I clasp  my hands to my face and gasp in sarcastic horror. “Oh nooo! The seamstress is having to deal with a neanderthal like me. Whatever shall we do?” I fein a fall to my right and catch myself on one hand. “Are you upset because the travel accommodations aren’t meeting high standards? Or did you chip a hoof?” I say with fake sincerity and an alligator smile.

Man, if I didn’t have a good sense of humor, this wouldn’t be going so well.

Rarity falls over laughing, rolling on the ground a bit until she finally gasps a few breaths to steady herself. “You have no idea how many times I have chipped a hoof, its not a laughing matter! But I do hope you see the point to this all, dear. We aren’t losing anything. We just have to ride this out.”

“And kick Discord in his draconequus ass.” I add.

“Oh especially that, if there is one complaint I have of him as a fashionista, he is impossible to design an ensemble for. No way to color coordinate that mess.” she says, sticking a tongue out in distaste.

The familiar feeling of a grin curling up on my lips falls over me. “I could draw a better work of art than him with a crayon.” I laugh at the thought and throw one of my hands out to Rarity. “Time to stop wasting time and put our money where our mouth is.” 
> Expressing Yourself
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know how I was talking with Rarity? Yeah, well I’m still talking to her. That’s not very surprising, not in the least. I mean, I have no problem with talking to her. Not like she’s driving me crazy or anything. Yet a problem does remain...

I’m still stuck in my head with Rarity.

I suppose this isn’t very surprising, considering the sequence of events that have played out up to now. I guess I’ll learn to cope; I always do. It’s not like I’m fusing with he- Oh wait... Fuck, nevermind that. What I’m trying to say is that she is a pretty cool mare once you get past the over exaggerated fashionista that she is. Otherwise, I totally wouldn’t mind having her has a college roommate or some shit.

Whatever, that still doesn’t change the fact Rarity and I are still trapped by the boundaries of my mind. It’s like being caged with thick steel chains wrapped around you as the key to freedom dangles mere inches from your grasp.

“Tony, would you be a dear and put an end to those depressing thoughts of yours?” Rarity announced through the cold silence that fell over us hours ago. She scoffs and shoves me lightly. “What happened to that go getter attitude? That moxxy and courage of yours?”

I shrug.

“Tony, don’t shrug. It’s such a lazy action and makes you looks like you don’t even care.”

I shrug again and look down at my hands. They look so real, but they’re nothing but an illusion. Now that I think about it, my whole physical being while in my mind is a mirage. Nothing more than a memory of my former self. It hurts to think of it like that, but the nostalgia of every little tear and stitch in these faded blue jeans makes my lips peel into a smile. Even the torn and tattered tee shirt I wear brings back  memories. I cant help but keep staring at my hands...

v^v^v^v

Two Years Ago

“Spin me faster!” She yells, as I grip the cold iron bars of the merry-go-round. “Spin me faster, Tony!”

I can’t help but break into laughter as I spin her. Her pitch black hair flowing over her bright blue eyes and her adorable laughter. “I’m trying! I’m trying!” I shout back and give the playground toy one last ditch effort to try and spin it even faster.

“Weeee!” She calls, her voice slightly distorted by how fast she is spinning. I fall back into the mulched wood chips and smile. My breathing is heavy while I catch my breath, but I couldn’t be happier. Not when I get to spend time with the girl I love.

“Fast enough for you?” I say with a raspy and tired voice. A sharp pain pierces into the palms of my hands as I use them for support on the wood chips.

She’s laughing too hard to respond, the spin keeping her entertained.

I push myself off the ground and stroll on over to the spinning toy. With an outreached arm, I grab one of the bars and stop the merry-go-round abruptly. The kinetic force pulls on my arm for a split second, but I stand firm.

To no surprise, a few seconds later I find myself being tackled by the girl I was just spinning on a giant piece of iron and steel. Sharp pieces of wood bite into my back, but I’m willing to put it aside as we both become a giggling mess, wood chips now clinging to our hair.

I raise a hand to her cheek, brushing away the hair that fell over her eyes. Slowly, I pull myself closer to her. Those blue eyes of her’s stare down at me, but she doesn’t smile.

I sit up a bit and reach out to her, but she flinches away. “Tony, what are you doing?” She asks incredulously and pushes me away from her.

A cold spike runs down my back and everything seems to go quiet around me. I can’t even hear the summer birds chirping.

“I-I thought you..” I stutter, barely managing to choke out the few meager words.

“Eww, no!” She shrieks and backs away further. “We’re just friends, Tony!”

Her words... Are more like knives that tear through my self confidence.

Before I can say another word, she’s already walking away and thunder sounds off in the distance. I want to yell her name. Scream it at the top of my lungs, but I just sit there, dumbstruck and broken hearted. They call it cliche because it’s true.

Thunder makes itself known once more, followed by a bright flash across the mountainous horizon. Yet, as I lay there, I can’t seem to gather myself, only thinking of how utterly frustrated I am. I grit my teeth as I recall the laborious weeks that I spent sticking up for her at school. Keeping her safe and even taking a few punches for her. And this is how she repays me?! Even after I’ve done so much for her! Well you know what? Fuck her! I don’t need her!

The growing pain in my hands grows sharper as I come to realise I’ve been clenching my fists, pushing splinters into my palms.

I stand just as another crack of thunder resonates over the mountains. Heavy rain follows shortly after and I start walking home.

“Look on the bright side Tony.” I mumble while picking the chunks of wood out of my hands. “At- at least no one will ever see me cry.” A small grin peels over my lips as blood drips from my hands and tears are masked by the downpour.

v^v^v^v

I vaguely became aware I was back in a dark room with Rarity when I realised she was staring up at me with those sad blue eyes of her’s. She sits down and hugs my arm.

“Who- who was she?” She asks timidly.

“A girl.” I reply monotone and pull Rarity into a half assed hug.

“You loved her... Didn’t you?” She quietly asks, opening the palms of my hands with her hooves.

Small scars litter the flesh of my hands. “And she broke my heart.” I say with a small laugh. “But she taught me how to forgive.”

Rarity says nothing for a period of time and leans into my arm. She’s awfully warm and her melancholy tone is depressing.  “Do you still love her?”

I nod my head and pet Rarity while she is at my side. “I can’t say I don’t. She was the first girl I’ve ever fell head over heels for.”

“Do... you think you will ever love again?”

I sigh and pat her mane as I think about those who have shattered my heart in the past. “Maybe. Probably not now, but perhaps in the future...” I say and let my thoughts wander once more, allowing Rarity full visual of my memories...

v^v^v^v


Valentines Day had just rolled on over to me and I was plenty happy. Sometimes you get a few pieces of candy, sometimes you meet someone who you think you could love the rest of your life! Ain’t it grand? I mean, I was skipping down the sidewalk with a freshly picked bouquet of flowers to meet someone special! This is totally going to be a great day!

It’s like I was on cloud nine, walking on sunshine and everything fell my way. And after about ten minutes of walking/skipping down the street I finally reached the glass pane doors that lead into some over glorified Mexican restaurant that I don’t recall the name of.

I sat at the table, fiddling with the flowers as I wait for her to arrive. My fingers brush across the soft petals, and I try desperately to ignore the pit building in my stomach. It had been twenty minutes past when I had told her to meet me here and I kept checking my phone like a nervous tick.

“Hey, you on your way?” I sent the message twice, just to make sure, and I kept looking at the send time to compare it to the black and white clock on the wall of the restaurant, but it didn’t change. 4:11 was when I had sent the message, and that time didn’t change.

I finally ordered myself an appetizer, since I was starving. I ate my chips and salsa with the sinking head of someone who would soon fall asleep at the table if things didn’t change, but instead of giving up I paid my bill and left. I walked four miles in the chilly air, trudging through the throngs of people coming from and going into the bars that line every street in the world on valentines day, until I get to her house.

I knock on her door three times, trying to keep a smile on my face. No answer. The smile is long gone. I pound harder. I hear some shouts and footsteps inside, but they seem to be telling me to wait. I’ve been waiting for a while, why should I have to wait longer? But I do. Because that’s what the good guy in the story always does. It’s always the bad guy that knocks down the door, so I bide my time.

Finally the door opens and there she stands. She always was too pretty. The kind of girl you know doesn’t understand what it’s like to not be adored. Brilliant red hair and brown eyes that don’t know what they did wrong.

“Tony! Hey, was our date.. I mean, I’m sorry, I just...” she stammers. She never stammers.

I can’t help but notice her shirt is on backwards. I also can’t help hearing the sounds of someone opening the back door and running.

No one will see my cry. Because for once I’m too angry to let those tears fall.

“What the hell?” I whisper.

“It’s not what it looks like!” She whined. I can’t stand it when people whine.

“Yes it is!” I shout, raising my voice at her for the first time ever. “It’s exactly what it looks like!”

Then, as though she was trying to excuse herself entirely from blame, she tried one last ditch generic woman-caught-cheating statement.

“I think we should see other people.”

I left. I left because the only other option was to hurt one of us or destroy property, and that’s not what the good guys do. Why did I have to be the good guy? For once, couldn’t I be that bad guy that snaps and puts a hole through a door? But no, Tony is a good guy. So I left. I made my way home, and I didn’t cry this time, I just stared at my handful of crushed flowers, and tried to find reasons not to throw them in the trash...   

v^v^v^v

"...and a large plate of spaghetti." Says the voice I know as my own, now completing a sentence I don't remember starting. I try to focus, but everything is spinning.

"Huh...?" I mutter, attempting to make sense of what's going on.

"Something wrong, dear?" Says Rarity's crystal clear voice through the haze. "You seem distraught, are you okay?"

"R-Rarity?" I stutter and rub eyes. The smog around my vision clears and I can finally see again. Right off the bat I can plainly see that I'm sitting down at a booth. Not only that, but a young woman with sparkling blue eyes, long eyelashes and light clean skin sits across from me. She's wearing all white and the curled purple hair she has makes my skin crawl.

"Well yes Tony, unless you want to call me Ms. Belle, though that would be awfully formal for a date." She chuckles, sipping her grape juice with all the poise of a connoisseur sipping wine.

“I...What..” I start to stammer, confused to all hell. “Rarity, where am I? And why are you human?”

She leans forward, resting her elbow on the table and her chin on a perfectly manicured hand. "Well, I figured it would make you more comfortable, at least more willing to be on a date with me. Took a quick glance through your memories and didn't see any dates with animals, so..." She explains, smirking a little. "I could go the other way, make you a pony, but I think you'd prefer having hands when eating spaghetti."

I'm almost certain that my hands are shaking and sweaty. My face is blood red and I think there's a little person digging a hole in my stomach. "Ha.. Yeah..." I murmur while trying to hide my embarrassment. "And... Just why are we on a date?"

"Well, I got to see all your past... Experiences." She says quietly, folding her hands on her lap. "I figured you might as well have one where the girl wasn't a complete nightmare."

I go silent for a moment, having to think about what she said. "Umm... Thanks, Rarity." I say and look up to her. If it were not for the fact she's a pony in a human body, I would think she looks amazing... Ah hell, screw it. "You.. You look wonderful." I stutter with minor difficulty.

Now I think she's just being generous. Because I'm fairly sure I'm still in my casual clothes. A quick look at my chest proves me wrong. "Thanks, but.. you didn't undress me, did you?" I ask nervously, seeing as I'm wearing a simple ensemble of a leather jacket and cargo pants.

"No need to, I simply imagined you in something a bit more fashionable than jeans and there you go." She says with a chuckle. "Quite convenient, really."

"Right." I reply quickly and drum my fingers against the table. I'm nervous, can't you tell? "Anything.. You- uhh... Wanted to talk about?"

"Sure! How about..." She taps her chin while thinking. "What are you going to do about your family when this is all done?"

Shit.

“I don’t know.” I reply honestly, resting my face on my palms. “I really don’t.”

Rarity smiles, now leaning forward a bit. "Ever thought about trying to make it on your own? I have a business and I'm only seventeen after all." She points out. "Though equestria seems far kinder to entrepreneurs like myself than the united states would be."

I start combing through my hair with a free hand. "I don't know about that Rarity... I barely told my parents where I was going." Instinctively, I reach down into my pocket to pluck out my phone, and due to my luck; I find nothing. "I'm surprised my mom hasn't even tried to check up on me."

"Maybe she has tried, who knows. When it comes down to it though, by the end of this its not going to be you and me, its going to be us. Your time to talk to your family as just you is running out. I am confident that my family will accept us but...” She stops, unwilling to finish the thought.

"They'll accept us, Rarity. I'm sure of it." I say reassuringly and gently set one of my hands over hers. Wow. That was a lot more courageous and ballsy of me than I expected...

She smiles, relieved, before turning her hand over to hold mine. "You should contact them though, just in case." Then, with the timing only a fictional restaurant can provide, the food arrived. Rarity had apparently ordered a steak with a side salad.

"Thank you." I say to face-less waiter, then turning back to my.. date. "So... A steak, huh? I never took you for the meat-eater." I muse with a small smile of my own.


I resist the urge to shrug, instead setting a napkin on my lap. Hey, who says the tramp has to be an unmannerly brute? "If you say so, sweetheart." I say jokingly and twirl a fork on my fingers. One sharp motion later, I stab the utensil into the pile of noodles and sauce.

"Eep! Hehehe." She jumps at the sudden motion before chuckling nervously and starting in on her salad.

I twirl my fork, not really paying much attention to it. My eyes are glued to Rarity. And yes, I know it sounds weird, but she is pretty eye catching. I want to say something to her. Something that starts conversation easily...

Don’t be creepy, don’t be creepy, don’t be creepy!

“What's your favorite color?"

Nailed it.

"What's my favorite color? Really?" She giggles. "Ok, I will play the date game. My favorite color is periwinkle. You?"

“Pink.” I say completely deadpan.

"Oh really now? Why is that?" She asks curiously, picking up the knife and fork before contemplating the steak.

“Pink is a very manly color.” I retort with the utmost pride. “And mostly because I just love the color pink.”

Rarity giggles, and I’m almost sure she isn’t laughing at me. "Well I'm sure you will get along fine with Pinkie Pie then, have you heard anything about my friends?"

"Can't say I have.. When we wake up, I'll look into the other elements of harmony."

"So, any other questions for me? Going to ask me about my previous relationships, because I am afraid I would have to disappoint you there." She says as she starts to cut into her food.

You should totally ask her out.

"Nah. Let's leave the personal stuff out of it." I reply nonchalantly and bring a large clump of spaghetti up to my mouth. "Although I'm curious to know if you... unm.."

Shit! Think fast, Tony!

"-wanted to go see a movie later..."

Damnitalltofuckinghell!

She leans forward, looking a tad bit more sultry than I’m comfortable with. "You can take me wherever you want." She then cracks a smile and digs into her food. "I can't control my own hooves after all."

Note to self; don't talk to girls at all.

"Ah ha.. Very funny Rarity." I stutter, trying to not make anymore of a fool of myself. With nothing else to say, I eat my spaghetti. (Delicious stuff, gotta say.)

"So what movie should we see?" She asks, taking a bite of steak and looking surprised.

Shit, is she taking me seriously?

"Ummm... How about something... Hell, I don't know. You pick."

"Tony, I haven't had the time to dig through your mind and examine your world's movies. How about this, we go to a movie theater and pick one when we get there." She proposes, eagerly eating some more steak.

"Right.. Right.. I knew that." I say into my plate, feeling rather stupid. "Sounds good to me."

Idiot.

"You aren't an idiot, Tony." She says with a sigh. "Relax, I'm not going to flip out on you.”

Great, now she's getting in my head. “I’m sorry Rarity. I’m just not used to being on a date with a girl who isn’t trying to rip my head off.”

She chuckled, shaking her head. "Well I suppose I could go for a more plain look, or look like a pony again, or I could just keep messing with you." She ponders with a smile, as suddenly the lights are dim and the table is lit by a pair of red candles.

Cue the violins...

My heart is trying to beat itself out of my chest. I can hardly breathe and I'm positive that Rarity is just acting romance-y just to spite me. "R-Rarity, what are you doing?"

"Humor me, Tony. I've never been on a date and I might as well get one in before half my brain is relegated to worrying about sports or whatever you men bother with." She says with a small chuckle.

Roll with it, Casanova!

With one deep breathe and long exhale, I look back up to Rarity. Maybe it's because I'm nervous, but her eyes are almost hypnotic. "Oh sure, and you think I enjoy thinking about the best ways to stitch wedding dresses back together?" I snark with a short laugh. "But at any rate Rarity, sure.. I'll play your little game." I cross my arms and sit back. How bad could this possibly be?

A genuine smile starts to creep onto Rarity's face. "Well then, if we are on a date, and we had our dinner, but what next? A stroll along a river, some play or movie you like that I've never seen? Surprise me." She says, drinking the rest of her grape juice in a corny but amusing parody of a woman downing a glass of wine in anticipation of an exciting night.

I stand and offer her my hand, like a prince in one of those cheesy kid's cartoons. "Well, a surprise it shall be then."

Show her how to party Tony style!

v^v^v^v

I gotta say, it’s nice to be in my own body while I can, even if it’s just while in my head. The date with Rarity isn’t that bad either. Albeit, I was nervous to begin with, but she’s pretty easy to get along with! She laughs at my silly jokes, and her eyes... Oooh, I could go on forever about those jewels. I’d need a map if I stare at them for too long, I might get lost. (Ha. I’m funny.)

On a much more serious note, I’m still smiling knowing she put this all together for me. It’s hard to describe how I feel about her. Now, before you jump to the conclusion of I’m falling in love with her, shut your face. I am NOT, in anyway shape or form, giving my heart to Rarity! I’ll admit, she is pretty, she makes me smile, and I love her cute giggle when she snorts a little... That doesn’t mean I love her! I swear it doesn’t!

I’m such a terrible liar...

All emotional feelings aside, Rarity and I walked down a beaten pavement path; her arm hooked around mine at the elbow. She’s leaning against my arm as we walk along and for once, my heart isn’t tearing a hole in my chest. I don’t know how, but I’m keeping my breathing to a steady tempo. Surprising from a guy like me, huh?

“So, where are you taking me?” Rarity asks and slides her palm into mine. As cliche as it is, I can feel her pulse. “Somewhere exotic and surprising?”

“A place.” I reply with a sly smile. “One I think you might like.”

In truth, I have no idea where I’m going to take her. So, I dig through my memories, trying to conjure up a peaceful place I can take Rarity. One I know where nothing can go wrong.

Murphy’s Law.

Yet nothing comes to mind. “Start with a clean slate..” I mutter to myself, as the world around us slowly disassembles, leaving us walking in a white and blank void. “Now paint it..”

Curved pen strokes and clean brush marks wash over the canvas; lush olive coloured grass sprouting beneath our feet. Paved limestone steps show their faces under us, just before we step on the growing vegetation. Winding varieties of trees are born, pulling themselves upwards and aiming for the clear sky.

“I want to make this a day we’ll remember.”

Rarity looks up to me a quizzical look. “And how do you plan to do that?”

Paint brushes glaze over the world before us, mountains now taking shape and breaking forth into the horizon. Whitecaps fall over the zeniths of the mountains. Dense clouds huddle over their peaks, pelting them with flakes of snow.

“Just one more thing.” I remark and spin, pulling Rarity into a tight hug. Almost immediately, her face flushes into a dark crimson. “You put this together for me, now I’m returning the favor, Rarity.” I remark, tightening my embrace around her. “You deserve nothing but the best.”

Kiss de girl!

“An-Anthony?” She asks with the same bewildered and confused tone that I had a few moments ago. Now it’s her breathing that’s heavy, her pupils that are dilated, and of course the preemptive licking of her lips. “Wuh-what are you doing?” Her stutter was adorable.

Now’s your moment!

“Close your eyes, Rarity.” I whisper, now mere inches from her face.

Her blue gems of eyes flicker, with her long lashes batting. Rarity’s eyes close and I take this blissful moment to lean down to her. With a rather informal motion, I pick her up by her waist  and she rests at eye level to me. Her feet dangle just barely off the ground.

C’mon, Casanova! Now’s your chance!

For once, I take my brain’s advice... and kiss Rarity. I won’t lie, I nearly missed, but my lips still connected to hers.

The first two seconds of the kiss where heaven, the other eight are nothing but gravy. Gradually I pull from her inviting lips and open my eyes. I prepare for the worst life has to throw at me...

...And for once, life doesn’t bitch smack me. Rarity stares up at me with her eyes glistening in the low light of the fading sunset. She blinks. And again. “T-Tony?” Her stutter, still very adorable.

“Yes?” I reply softly, still trapped by her gaze.

A light downfall of snow has begun to fall over us and Rarity’s lashes catch a few flakes.

“You’re a pony...” An expression of shock rolls over her features.

“Yes. Yes I am.” I snicker and look down at my new golden body. “You were a human for me, and I told you I would return the favor.” I sit down with a silly smile across my new equine face. “It only seemed fair.”

She presses a hoof against my cheek, observing the rest of my pseudo body. “Who... Who are you?”

“Goldheart.” I reply simply and smile a larger than life grin. I look down at my own body, smiling at the near perfect representation of my created character. I’m covered in a blindingly bright gold fur coat. Upon glancing at my flanks, I see an orange hoof wrapped a red one, as if assisting the other.

“And... Who is that?” Rarity asks, looking over my sides and investigating my mane.

I smile with a bit more pride. “He’s me!” I reply with a curved tone. “A lot of bronies and personified themselves as ponies. This one just so happens to be me!”

Rarity raises an eyebrow with an ‘oh really?’ kind of face.

“Long story short, I just thought it would be appropriate to be a pony for you. You know, passing the favor forward.”

Rarity’s face flushes again and she begins to smile. “Well, that is very kind of you, darling.”

Attaboy, slugger!

“You’re such a flatterer, Tony!” Rarity says and hooks her white hooves around my neck. “And I wouldn’t want anyone else to be in my body.” She leans in for another kiss and our lips are about to make contact once more... and they do.

Although the different body structure was a bit inhibiting, I’m a fast learner. Because you know, I’ve been walking around as a pony for what? Three days? Four? Whatever, you get the point.

v^v^v^v

To much of my distaste, I know I’m waking up. The warmth of Rarity next to me has vanished and has been replaced by a bone freezing chill. I’m shivering like a madman(mare?) as I reach for something to cover up with.


As luck may have it, I find nothing. With teeth clenched I open my eyes in hopes to put an end to this tirade of frigid air.

Yet when I open my eyes, I’m greeted with darkness. Not a thing to be seen. I can’t even see the hoof I’m waving in front of my face....
> The Smell Of The Open Road (And Pancakes)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know what’s funny? All this crazy bullshit I’ve been through up to now has happened within a span of less than a week. No need for a quick re-cap. Let’s cut this author-to-audience intro short and jump back into the action. Everyone knows I’ve taken a long enough of a break. Three... Two.. One... Action!

For a moment I sit in the darkness, wondering if night had fallen and somehow I was also underground with no moon. All light had been sucked from the world. That seems just a tad unlikely though, but I did notice that I was no longer in the truck. No rumbling of the motor, nor the crackle of a slightly busted radio. However, I did hear cars in the distance, as though I were hearing them through a wall and a few hundred feet of open space. So not roadside.

I felt around me with a hoof, feeling soft plush more attributable to a bed than a car seat, so I am in a bedroom of some sort. So why so dark?

I take a few deep breaths and focus a spark of energy into my horn, attempting to light up my surroundings but only getting a periwinkle glow out of the very peripheral of my vision.

“Oh my, I really am dense, aren’t I?” I say with a sigh and remove the eye shades that I had fished out of the spa gift package I had been given and finally get a good look at my room. Such a lovely way to start the day, wouldn’t you agree?

It’s not first class, by any means. Thanks to the government's credit line so graciously extended to me, I won’t need to ask for Ryan to pay for any hotel rooms.

This one had a tacky tan wallpaper and a sort of off color brown trim, and with a jolt I realize that I am paying more attention to the interior design of the place than the fact that I woke up somewhere I didn’t fall asleep in. Rarity must be rubbing off on me a bit more than just emotional instability.

Oh har-de-har, you stay calm when you are flung through dimensional walls, is her smirking mental reply.

I get out of bed with the soft clip of hooves against cheap carpet. I spot my bag with my oh so precious things in it on a chair next to the obligatory cheap TV and broken coffee maker.

Fishing out my phone, I decide to check the date and time. The little rectangle lit up, blinding me for a short moment until my eyes adjusted.

8:54 AM, Marsday: October, 29th  read the fluorescent and glowing numbers on my phone. The date was ridiculous, but I didn’t really give a damn. I started focusing what I figured was ‘magic’ into a small point and managed to manipulate the buttons on my phone.

As soon as it was unlocked, I was bombarded with a series of notifications and missed calls. What a big surprise.(That’s sarcasm.)

I start from the top, reading and deleting most of the notifications. Just about every one of them are unimportant alerts about weather, and people messaging me about pointless bits of random that they can pull out of their asses. I mean seriously, who sends someone a message saying ‘Hola queria ver si tu arreglas mi compu’. I mean, really? Do I look like I know how to fix a damn computer?! Well, I don’t. So.. Whatever.

As I scroll through the sea of annoying alerts, a specific name catches my eyes.

Mom

Shit.

I couldn’t help but stare at the label as nervous beads of sweat rolled down my brow. I raised a hoof to the screen, rather press on it with focused magic.

Immediately the message unfurled and read as the following.

Subject: Wher hv u ben?

Tony, police tell me that u r safe, but u had ths pony thng bt I dnt undrstnd y u wldnt tll me. Pls call, I m very wrrd abt u. 

I had to reread the message a few times before I understood what it said. Seriously, this grammar is atrocious! Then, after a cold silence of staring at the text, I reluctantly tapped the dial icon.

“Shit is about to hit the fan.” I grumbled and pressed the phone to my ear, hoping for the best.

There were two rings before someone picked. A lump began to swell in my throat.

“Tony?! please tell me someone didn’t steal your phone and kill you before using your identity to get a bunch of credit cards and ruin your reputation in every possible way before calling me just to gloat.” My mother rambled.

“I’m fine, mom!” I said on instinct after hearing her usual worried and annoying tone.

“Oh my lord... you’ve become a sultry sounding woman.” she replied in a tone of grief. “Or, what do they call women ponies, mares?”

“It’s not a big deal, Mom.” I grumbled while hoisting my bag onto my back, and trying to sound confident. “I couldn’t stay your baby boy forever.. Although I didn’t expect it to end like this.”

“So it’s really you, Tony? You really did become a female pony?” she asked with a bit of curiosity.

“Yes.” I said with growing frustration laced into my voice.   

“Well I suppose I should ask you about grandchildren but that can come later. Where the hell are you?!” she shouted suddenly.

“Uhh...” I started frantically looking around, hoping for a sign, a poster or something in my room. On one of the end tables sat lone coffee mug with ‘Motel 8’ printed on it. “Motel Eight!” I replied as quickly as I could.

“I was hoping for a city, or state, or country. That way I could come and get you,” she pointed out.

“Uhh... I’ll get back to you on that.” I said, making myself sound busy. “I can't do that, mom. I gotta go. Call you back later.”

“Tony!” she managed to call out one more time before the line dropped.

That could’ve gone better. Rarity jeered, giving me a mental shove.

“You can say that again.” I murmured as I made my way toward the door. The brass handle lit up in a periwinkle glow and twisted. Several rusty clicks later, I threw the door open.

Sunshine flooded in. Sweet, glorious, blinding sunshine embraced me. I took a deep breath, relishing the fresh air and warming light. As the light subsided, I saw a dusty parking lot. It was scarce of cars, spare a black van and Ryan’s truck.

My hooves clicked against the concrete in a familiar fashion as they always have. Well, it felt like that's how they always have, even if I've only been in these hooves for a few days. Maybe it’s the fusing. I don’t know. Yet every step into the parking lot feels so natural. It’s a bit daunting at first, but with the sun that Celestia raises every morning shining down upon-- WAIT!

I stop walking and look up to the skies. The sun rests just beyond a blanket of clouds. The son that the earth REVOLVES around. “Rarity?” I call for the mare who I’ve been sharing a body with.

Yes, yes, yes, darling. She replied, sounding irritated, like she knows what I’m going to ask. Believe me, I know what you’re going through, so please don’t start whining about it.

Honestly, I was taken aback by her sharp tone, but I guess that’s to be expected from a mare as important as Rarity when she has to share the emotions and mind of a guy like me.

As much as I want to press Rarity for information, I shrug it off and head towards Ryan’s pickup truck. The engine is rumbling quietly and small puffs of exhaust fume from the tail pipe. And through the rear windshield, I can see Ryan talking into his phone. I can’t make-out what he’s saying, but he looks really worried. The creases on his forehead and the raised brows are a dead giveaway.

Hesitation aside, I gallop up to the door and pop it open immediately.

“..ove you too, honey.” Ryan said, finishing a sentence I hadn’t heard the start of. He hangs up and smiles cheerfully to me. “Hey, welcome back to the land of the living.”

I yawn and hop up onto the passenger side seat. “Thanks.” I make myself comfortable and set my bag on the foot space below. “So, who were you talking to?” I know it’s not my place to be nosey, but ‘honey’ sounds like the guy’s sweet on someone. Never hurts to ask, right?

“My little girl.” He replies, a scowl seeping into his features.

“Oh! I didn’t know you have a kid, Ryan!” I say with a bit more gumption than expected. “What’s she like?”

He starts smiling. “She’s nine. Short brown hair, freckles all over her face.” Ryan’s hands slide over the steering wheel as he speaks. “She looks alot like her mother..” He sighs as he trails off and the truck jerks forward and we resume our trek down the desolate highways.

Oh boy... Here we go.. Rarity adds in nervously, prodding my subconscious.

“What happened, Ryan?”

“You want the whole story or the short bit?” He says, answering my question with another question... I hate it when people do that.

“I’m sure we have time to spare.” I say with a growing fear that I’ll have to add a ‘dark’ tag to this story. “Let’s hear it.”

He sighs again and takes a deep inhale. “My name is Andrew Jeremy Ryan.” His first words are choked and forced, yet he continues. “Some time ago, when I was younger, I fell head over heels for a young waitress in Kentucky. Her name was Maria.” A smile trickles along his lips, like the very name brings him peace. “Maria Terra.” He pauses to sigh again.

“She must be gorgeous for a strapping fellow like you to take to her like a pegasus takes to the sky.” Rarity says, suddenly putting herself in the theoretical driver’s seat. She could've just asked...

“You got that right.” Ryan murmurs as his fingers drum on the wheel. “After getting to know her, I felt like I could spend the rest of my life with that woman.” He gives a half hearted chuckle. “ I was mostly right.  And after a few months passed, I popped the big question.”

Rarity suddenly gasps and my (her?) hooves are against..our? Yeah, that sounds right. She gasped and pressed our hooves against our face. “What did she say?!” Rarity squeals, leaning against the armrest.

Ryan’s smile continues to grow. “She said yes,” He says proudly and he is looking a bit happier. There’s a gleam in his eye, and it’s rather contagious. Just looking at him is making me smile! “After we were married, we had a kid. A beautiful baby girl.”

Slowly, I can feel myself back in control and I nod. "So, what did you name her?" I ask, letting his infectious smile take hold of me.

"I wanted to name her Stephanie, but Maria insisted on Jade. I couldn't argue with her. Just can't." He suddenly reaches down into his back pocket with a hand and pulls out a small thin rectangle. Most likely a picture.

To no surprise, it is in fact a picture and he hands it to me. It’s slightly faded and wrinkled, but that doesn't change the fact that there's a happy family imprinted on it. On the left stands a tall, thin and pecan-haired woman. Freckles dot her face like stars in the night sky. She's holding a child that looks incredibly just like her. Again, that's not surprising. Finally, on the right is Ryan. Happy, red-headed Ryan.

"She's pretty." I say with an agreeing tone in my voice as I nod. "Really pretty."

“Yup,” is Ryan’s simple reply as I levitate the picture back to him. “After Jade was born, a few things happened...”

At this moment, I’m almost absolutely sure I have to add a ‘dark’ tag. You know it’s going to get bad when someone ends their sentences in an ellipse.

Oh, you have a problem with dark and scary stories, but you gladly add romance to this supposedly funny story.

“Go on..”

Ryan sighs and his fingers continue to drum along the steering wheel. “I got into a few fights over something stupid while I was working at a bar.”

“I think I see where this is going.” I admit and place a hoof on his forearm.

He nods and I can feel gravity pushing me into my seat lightly. “Maria didn’t want her baby growing up around bad influences like me.” Ryan stops to take a deep breath. “So she kicked me out.” He said as the truck picked up more speed.”Started drinkin’, smokin’ and fightin’ a whole lot more than I should’a.” He says angrily while he grits his teeth. His face was flushed and his knuckles were bone-white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. “I was falling out, and wishing I would just die!” He yells in frustration, just as the truck’s tires scream and the engine roars loudly over the radio. In his deranged state, he laughs. “I even tried, once! All the pills in the world couldn’t shut me out!” The rubber on the steering wheel cover squeals as Ryan squeezes the wheel tighter and tighter. “I don’t care if I ever see Maria! I just want to see my little girl again!”

Something in the back of my mind ticks and I realize that everything beyond the passenger side window is nothing but a blended blur. And I can almost hear a screaming in the back of my head. It’s almost as if I were in danger. Ha. What a silly thought! Not like anything bad has happened to me before!

I turn back to Ryan and sigh. He looks so sad, depressed even. His breathing is uneven and a tear runs down his cheek. And despite the massive headache that had taken over me, I lifted a hoof to his face and wiped away the solitary tear. I then placed an understanding forehoof around his neck. “You’ll see her again one day, Ryan.” I whisper into his ear with as much sincerity I can muster. “I promise.” As the words escape my lips, the engine seems to die down and I can finally hear my own voice again.

We pulled over and Ryan let the waterworks go. Through his sobs, I held him. It was a moment of weakness that I caused. I didn’t need to press him about his daughter, yet I did. Even as I was patting him on the back, I felt like a ball of ice should be resting in my stomach. This is my fault, and I know it, yet I don't feel a drop of guilt. Does that make me a bad person?

After a few minutes, his tears fade away and Ryan leans against me for support. He doesn’t look up at me, actually, his eyes are fixated on the windshield. Beyond the glass pane; an empty highway. A highway. It signifies the long road ahead of us.

“Ryan?” I ask quietly, still patting him on the back.

“Yeah?” He replies with almost no emotion. It’s heartbreaking.

“You gonna be okay, buddy?”

He sighs and straightens up. He even dusts off the none-existent dust on his track jacket. Ryan nods and wipes away any stray tears from his cheeks and looks back to me. “Yeah. I’m good.” He says confidently.


“Good.” Now straighten up that upper lip, soldier.” I pronounce and lightly shove Ryan back to the steering wheel. “Just gotta move along, man. Can’t let the world keep you down.”

A smile starts to creep through the storm of sorrow that was once his face.

“I tell you what, buddy,” I chuckle and turn off the static filled radio. “I want you to promise me something, okay?” I put a hoof to my chin and make a ‘hmm’ sound. “Aaaand in return, I’ll treat you to pancakes at a roadside diner.”

He rolls his eyes, but a smile sits on his face like a birthmark. “Depends, what’s the promise?”

For a moment, I rip the grin off that I’ve been holding for so long and look at Ryan with a serious glare. “I want you to promise me that if you ever get the chance to see Jade. You take it. You grab opportunity by the throat and do what needs to be done.”

Ryan starts up the truck again and nods with that smirk of his. “Deal.” He says and holds out a hand. Yet, since I still and always will lack hands to shake, I simply place my hoof in his palm and we shook on it. It’s not exactly the most formal agreement, but whatever works, right?

That was very kind of you, Tony. Rarity says as she plants an image of her hugging me in my mind. Cheering him up like that, I mean.

I look to the side, out the window and smile. “It’s what I do.” I murmur back to her. “Beneath this tough-guy shell lies a kind person who will put someone else's well being before his own.”

Awww, Tony! That’s so sweet of you!

I grin and close my eyes. “Someone has to do it, right? May as well be me.”

Then, I get the sudden feeling someone just kissed me.. Eh, what do I know? It could just be all in my head.

The next few miles passed by without a hitch. Ryan and I sang along with any songs we knew on the radio and had a few rare moments of synchronization. Although we laughed through most of the songs, as most rock hits don’t sound right coming from the voice of an uppity unicorn.

Not funny, Tony!

“Gingy! On the right,” I yell excitedly and stick my head out the open window. “Roadside diner! Two o’ clock!”

The diner whizzes by as we peel down the road. “Roger that, HQ!” Ryan shouts back and pulls an immediate u-turn. Albeit, it is a been over-dramatic. But I’d say it’s worth it when pancakes are on the line.

The wheels screech on the asphalt as we turn onto the opposite lane. Ryan and I are soon in hysterics at the deranged stunt we just pulled. As amazing as it was, we pull into the parking lot in a much more calm fashion.

Our doors open and we hop out of the truck. A few sets of quick clips and clicks of shoes and hooves against pavement later, we’re at the front door to our new eat-out. Ryan grabs ahold of the door handle and a bell dings overhead.

“Ladies first,” he says in a jeering voice.

Since I’m not armed with any smart-ass retorts, I just roll my eyes and trot in. On another note, I also don’t have arms.. Or hands..

Anyway, as we walk in, I easily get the feeling I’m going to like it here. There’s a long bar running down most of the front area with a few red stools dotted across it. A couple brown-leather booths are placed against the walls. Hell, this is basically a 50’s diner. I love it!

As if the decorations weren’t enough, the cherry on top was the lemon yellow unicorn mare with a blue mane and tail looking down at a notepad. Three hearts adorn her flank. Two blue and one green. She looks bored and probably has had a slow day. But what would I know? It’s just a guess.

Tony! It’s very rude to stare at a mare’s flanks! Says Rarity’s blaring voice in my head.

“Just take a seat wherever ya’ want. T’day’s been slow and I don’t think the dust bunnies really care who moves ‘em.” The unicorn says with a tone that matches her look. A yellow glow surrounds a pencil and she tucks it behind her ear as she looks up at us. Her immediate expression is one of of surprise, but fades into a mellow-calm grin. With that, she turns tail and trots off.

“Well, you heard the lady.” I say up to my red-headed companion and start trotting to a nearby booth. Ryan’s footsteps sound off behind me, so I know he’s following me. A few seconds later, I jump up onto the leather seat. There’s a menu on the table, but I get the feeling I won’t be needing it.

Ryan sits down across from me and looks down at the menu too. “Pancakes?” He asks inquisitively.

“Pancakes,” I agree.

Suddenly, Ryan and I turn to the sound of hooves against tile. Along comes the unicorn from earlier with a clipboard and an apron tied around her shoulders. “Well, what a surprise this is! The element of generosity!” She looks over to me and has one of those looks about her. “I’m Pierce, can I getcha anything?”

Tony..? Something tells me this mare isn’t really a mare.

Really? I couldn’t tell. I mentally reply to her with as much playfulsarcasm I can pull together.

I almost laugh at his/her half-assed attempt at flirting, but keep a straight face and a bright smile. “Two orders of banana pecan pancakes, if you don’t mind.”

The mare looks down at her notepad. “Aww, I’m sorry, sweetheart, but we ain’t serving breakfast anymore.” She looks at her hoof, which conveniently has a wrist watch on it. “We stopped serving at Eleven.”

I whip around to look at Ryan. He has a shocked expression that mirrors my own. “WHAT?!” Ryan and I exclaim in unison at the thought of coming all this way and not being able to enjoy the soft fluffiness of pancakes!

I jerk my head back to the mare just as she was throwing her clipboard behind herself. “Aww, who am I kidding?” She says nervously. “Today’s been so slow that I could get’cha anything off the menu if you wanted it.”

Both Ryan and I settle back down into our seats upon hearing that.

“Pecan ‘nanner flapjacks.” She looks up with a faux smile. “Anything else, sweetheart?” She says, batting some ridiculously long lashes at me.

“Yeeeaaaaah..” I say with a grin that Rarity and I both share. I levitate the menu up to me and scrutinize the listings. Most of them are simple, yet mouth-watering in description. After scanning what this place had to offer, I turn back to the mare. “Can you add two strawberry milkshakes and a slice of pineapple jalapeno pizza to that?”

Pierce lets loose a sharp whistle. “Got an appetite on ya, don'tcha?” She chuckles and starts scribbling things down on her clipboard... Wait, wasn’t that on the floor a few seconds ago?

I nod and I swear I can hear Rarity trying to muffle her laughter. “That’s right.” I start to snicker.. “Besides, I don’t wanna fill up on snacks when I take Rarity to see a movie.”

Oh! We’re actually going to see a movie?

The yellow unicorn looks up from her clipboard with a raised eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”

Drop the bombshell, soldier! I tell myself with a mental maniacal laugh.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry sweetheart.” I hold a hoof out in the most posh manner I can. “My name is Anthonie. Anthonie Daniel King. Tony if you will.”

A shocked expression rolls over Pierce’s face while Ryan giggles like a little school girl. All the while, crimson colour washes over Pierce’s face and it almost sends me over the border of a schadenfreude.

“I.. Err...” She raises the clipboard to her face. “Will that be all?”

“That depends.” I look back to Ryan, who has been laughing silently the whole time. “Anything for else for you, Ryan?”

“Oh no, I think I’m quite alright, Ms. Belle.” He replies with the same high-class tone I have adopted.

“Umm.. Okay.” She scribbles a few more things on her clipboard and tucks it into her apron. “I’ll go tell Franklyn to get started on your order..” She trots away, and I almost feel bad for embarrassing him/her like that. Actually.. Scratch that, I do feel bad for doing that to her..

“Hey Tony.” Ryan says, a bit loudly and I snap up to look up at him. “What’d you mean by ‘take Rarity to a movie’?” He leans on the palm of his hand and wears a fake smile. I hate it when people do that...

I really didn’t think this through, did I?

The sudden feeling of being thrown into a chair hits me like a bug on a windshield. Rarity has taken direct control again..

“Oh puh-lease.” Rarity says and flips her mane out of her eyes. “You know he was joking, right?” She rolls her eyes and sighs. “I mean, really Ryan? Going out with somepony you share a body with? Do you have any idea how outrageous that is?”

A snake of a smile rests on Ryan’s face. “Yup. You two are totally going out.”

“Well shit.” Rarity replies in a VERY un-ladylike manner. “I blame Tony. It’s his fault.”
> That's Gonna Leave A Mark...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heh, I guess the gig is up. Rarity spilled the beans, and I have to play pick up. It’s astonishing, really. She went into full detail about everything about our little... date. Embarrassment aside, Ryan and I eat our food quickly and share a few laughs. I suppose I should be red in the cheeks by now, but I am a bit too busy thinking about how funny my whole situation is.

“And how long ago did this start?” Ryan says with that same smile on his face, as he mentions our relationship. Such a nosey person, this guy, eh?

“Uhh..” I mumble for no reason. It’s still a bit of a touchy subject it seems. “Two days ago..?” I reply, a bit unsure whether that is accurate enough. Well, when you think about it, our ‘relationship’ started the first day I woke up in her body. Anyway, I’m losing track of myself again...

“It feels like I’ve known you for a lifetime, darling.” Rarity adds in as she takes control of our body. “And besides, you can be a gentlecolt when you want to.” She giggles and raises a smoothie to her lips. All the while, Ryan is staring at us like we’re bat shit insane. It’s that same look that I want to smack off his mug. But where would that get me? Probably a ditch on the side of the road.

Ryan shakes his head and looks like he’s about to say something, but just so happens to be cut off by his phone ringing again. Lucky me. He looks down to his pocket and pulls up his phone. A smile replaces that neutral stare on his face. “Hey, I gotta take this outside, okay?”

Rarity nods and waves him off with a hoof. “No more questions, please.” She says, as though she’s talking to a swarm of paparazzi. With that, Ryan gets out of his seat and walks out the door. Then, as if on cue, comes that unicorn from earlier with what I presume is the check for our food.

“Hey there sweet cheeks.” She enthuses, dripping cheer and jumping up to where Ryan was sitting. “Enjoy your meal?” Her mane bobs up and down as she speaks. Which is weird, I didn’t think hair actually does that in the real word. Is that a pony thing?

“It was lovely.” Rarity returns and raises a napkin to her chin, wiping away the nonexistent crumbs, or whatever it is she’s trying to get at. “And please don’t call me sweet cheeks. I don’t think Anthonie would take that very kindly.”

The sudden blood rushing to my head is my cue that I’m back in control. How pleasant. “T-that’s right.” I stutter, trying to keep pace. A quick spark in my head makes me grin. “Rarity’s my mare and I don’t think I like how you’re talking to her.” With that, I sit up a bit more, trying my best to seem more dominant in the conversation.

A nervous smile slips onto the unicorn’s face. “Y-you are joking about that, right?”

I keep that same steely face I’ve been wearing for the last few seconds. “No.” I shake my head for the added effect. “She’s mine and I don’t plan to share.” I lean back into my seat and feel a bit achieved. Defending your mare’s honor ain’t easy, I’ll tell you that. Especially when you are that mare.

Sharing a body with me is bad enough, isn’t it Tony?

“Okay, okay, okay.” Pierce says apologetically. “No need to get snippy.” She/he whatever slides a slip of paper across the table. “Here’s your bill.”

v^v^v^v

“Hello?” Ryan says cheerfully as he flips open his phone and presses it to his ear. At first, there is no response, only static. “Jade?” He calls for his daughter with rising worry. “Are you there, sweetie?”

“Hello Andrew,” comes a rugged reply. Definitely not that of Ryan’s daughter.

Ryan’s eyes go wild, and immediately whip around to look at his truck, the thought of driving to his daughter flickering through his mind. “Who is this?!”

“Easy now, Andrew.” The stranger says with the casual tone of a businessman. “Let’s just say... I’m a friend. A friend who has something you want.”

“Jade!” Ryan yells, only hoping for his daughter’s safety.

“Now hold on, Andrew. A little birdie told me that you want custody of your daughter, is that right?”

A cold silence hangs in the air for a moment.

“Well, my employer and I are willing to make you a deal.” The stranger clears his throat and the tone of his voice turns from casual, to sinister. “So, whaddaya say, Mr. Ryan?”

Again, Ryan stays silent, letting the stranger continue.

“Good, I knew you’d be willing to listen. All you have to do is...”

v^v^v^v

I have already paid the bill and been sitting around for several minutes when Ryan returns. His expression is one of forced optimism, with a smile overshadowing creased eyebrows and worried eyes.

“Hey, what’s up?” I ask cheerfully, still basking in the glow of successfully fending off advances on Rarity by the waitress.

“Oh, just my daughter, she’s sick. Fever.” He says haltingly, his words clipped and to the point. I Foolishly interpret it as worry.

Rarity isn’t quite so blind to the implications.

He is lying. Possibly saying something he was told to say. Something isn’t right, dear.

I frown, making Ryan’s expression even more forced. I have to think that he wouldn’t do anything against me. He must have a good reason to lie.

“Well. I hope she gets better.” I say cheerfully, my own forced smile making the whole atmosphere feel slimy and fake, as though I am being doused in eels. I involuntarily shudder at the thought.

“You alright?” Ryan asks, his smile dropping to show real concern for me, which only reinforced my determination that he couldn’t be doing something malicious.

“Just the air conditioning in here, got a blast of it. Let’s go, got to keep good time, right?” I say as I hop down, not looking at my newest and closest friend.

“Yeah, got to keep good time.” He says from behind me as I pay the bill and we make our way out to the truck.

As he follows me out to the truck, I can’t help but imagine that I hear him repeating the phrase, though slightly different.

“Got to keep the good times.”

Then everything went dark.
> Money Can't Buy Happiness
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, if I was a smart person, I would assume that someone has been plotting against me this whole time. Maybe someone with an immense amount of power. Perhaps someone who has had it out for me from the beginning. Someone who can alter reality at a moment’s notice... Too bad I’m not a smart guy. That would make my trip a lot easier. Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn something when this shit storm is over.

By the time I knew what had happened to me, ropes were tightly wrapped around my limbs and were cutting into my coat; keeping me still. As badly as I wanted to freak out and scream, I just so happened to be gagged as well. So, all that left my mouth were a couple of confused grunts. It’s like the whole world just decided to yell a big “fuck you!” in my general direction. Ya know what? I’m pretty sure I had this one coming. I must have done something really messed up in a past life to get myself knee deep in shit. Again. 

That doesn’t change the fact I felt like I just got off a Tilt-a-whirl at a cheap amusement park. My head was spinning violently and I kept seeing stars. Hell, I even have the post-rollercoaster nausea. Ya know, the bit where you feel like your brain and stomach switch places? Yeah. That one.

I look up, hoping to find out what the hell just happened. The once clear skies were filled with massive thunder clouds that loomed seemingly only a few feet away.

On an off topic note, I think see a bird.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, buddy,” came Ryan’s voice through the haze of delirium. He sounded so far away. “And... I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day...”

I felt myself start to slump over and my vision was fading to pitch again as I fainted...

v^v^v^v

I regained consciousness again and I could only assume that I was thrown into the passenger seat of Ryan’s truck. Blinking, I glance upwards to see the red-haired devil at the wheel. He was so visibly disheveled. There were bags under his eyes and he was gripping the steering wheel a bit too tightly.

Tony, whatever you do, don’t think about those hands strangling the life out of you.

I grunted in surprise when I bumped my head against the passenger side door. Not out of pain, but out of shock to see the pitiful excuse of a unicorn looking back at me from the rearview mirror. Thick ropes were wrapped around my hooves and a rag was stuffed into my mouth, and a small gaudy black ring was set on my horn. 

“Shush.” Ryan said in a forced calm voice. The voice that I thought of to be friendly and trusting. Now he was playing for the other team. I mean, what kind of bullshit is this? The truck’s engine roared once again and we were picking up speed. 

In my silence, I can’t resist the urges to plot out how I will right this wrong. How I will get every drop of delicious revenge on this bastard. How I will laugh at him when he’s helpless and cannot defend himself such as I am n-

Tony, please stop thinking like that. You’re scaring me.

Well, you heard the lady. Now I have to think of nothing but gumdrops and rainbows until I meet my uncertain fate in a stupid truck that smells like day old cheetos. Well, I suppose it could be worse. I could be dead and in a ditch. Wait... Fuck. I’ve already sealed my fate. 

“I really am sorry about this, man.” He pauses to flip off the static filled radio, “But.. I need to see her again.”

“Ooo?” I asked behind the gag, not really caring about his answer. Again, I squirm under the pressure of my bondage, which only fuels my sudden hatred for that red headed jerk. I don’t care what it is he wants; I’m not going to let him get away with this mutiny! This would be considered mutiny, right?

He sighed once again. “Remember when you told me to do whatever I have to do to get Jade back in my arms?”

“Ah, ut a-out i?” I replied quickly as I could feel my hind hooves start to get some slack. Maybe I could get out of this yet.

“Well, that’s what I’m doing.” Ryan says with an undertone filled with absolute regret. He glances down at me with an expression that matched his tone. “I’m sorry.”

I look away, trying to keep that burning coal of fury in my heart, but I can feel his pain, just by listening to him. Rarity has nothing to say, or add while I muse it over.

“Promise not to scream?” He finally asks after a minute or two more of driving. 

I nod as he looks back at me, and he hesitates for a moment before undoing the gag so I can speak.. 

“There has to be another way.” I plead, but he just looks back to the road. “A compromise. Anything?”

“They have promised me a way to finally get my daughter back, and get my life in order. I can’t... Risk losing this chance. Everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe this will all work out, but I can’t keep struggling against a hopeless situation like this...” He mumbles, his shoulders drooping in defeat.

“Ryan, there’s gotta be...” I let the sentence go unfinished and bite my lip.

If it was Sweetie Belle... Rarity points out to me somberly. Not to excuse his actions, but it is somewhat understandable, if not just.

A cold ball of ice forms in my stomach and I look back to Ryan, catching his gaze. “Fine,” I mutter in defeat. “If this is the way it has to be, so be it.”

The rest of the ride is mostly in silence, as the truck rocks and rattles over less than friendly roadways, finally it squeaks to a stop outside of a large gate.

I can smell moisture in the air, not normal for this area of the midwest. I can also hear the splashing of water. Ryan gets out of the drivers seat and walks around to open my door, hefting me under his arm like a rag doll. I don’t bother struggling, but take the opportunity to look around. We are standing at the gate of a massive complex of buildings and gardens that I assume for a moment is a university or a hospital, before noticing a name on the wrought iron fence.

“Drendel”

The name means that this is a private residence. That means that this massive place belongs to a single person. I see a car driving up the winding path to meet us, right about the time I notice that the fence surrounds the entire place and is easily 12 feet tall, with guards posted along it’s length on the inside. Not good for a potential escape plan.

The gate opens and the sleek black car pulls up to us with the crunch of gravel under tire and the smell of hot rubber. A door opens, even though the car remains running, and a woman steps out.

For whatever reason, I had expected some burly bodyguard.

She is holding a suitcase in one hand and her other hand rests on her hip, just over a holster and pistol.

“I see you brought it.” She says, examining me at a distance.

“I’ve got a name, ya know,” I growl under Ryan’s arm. 

Her gaze returns to me and she takes a step forward. “Fine. I see you brought Rarity. Our deal is still the same. Information making it simple and easy enough to regain custody of your child, bundled with ten thousand dollars cash.” She drones, still staring at me.


Ryan looks down at me again with a somber expression. “A deal’s a deal.” His gaze draws back to the woman and he starts to set me down. “I get my little girl and you get your pony.”

I meet the ground with a small puff of dust, my back against the ground. 

The woman taps her fingers against the suitcase and looks as though she’s going to throw it. “Good. Now leave before the guards open fire on you for trespassing.” 

The metal case sails through the air and strikes Ryan square in the chest. He scrambles to get a hold on it as he backs away, finally popping it open and looking inside before nodding and jumping into his truck. He takes off with a spray of gravel and dust, leaving me with the goon squad.

“I am the nanny.” The cold armed woman says as she leans down to look me in the eyes, my back still painfully digging into the gravel.

“You will refer to me as such, and you will act as though you are here of your own free will whenever you are in the presence of the child. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am.” I reply quickly, getting the feeling that my stay here is going to be a lot longer than I’m comfortable with.

“Good. Keep up your obedience and manners, and I may get you an actual bed to sleep on, instead of staying in the stable. Come along.” She cuts my bindings in a swift move with a knife I hadn’t seen her draw, and she turns towards the car.

I roll onto my hooves, taking a short moment to dust myself off before following the nanny. The way she walks is rather daunting. In fact, everything about this woman is horrifying.

She opens the back door to the car that I can now see is armored, letting me jump into the back seat, which is partitioned off from the front by thick glass. It is quite comfy and well air conditioned though.

“Take your last look at the outside world, Rarity. You might as well get it out of your system now.” She says coolly as she gets into the drivers seat and the car turns to pull back into the compound.

I look back through the tinted windows and as the massive gate closes behind the car. My hopes of escaping are washed away by the loud clang of the massive gate. 

“Goodbye, freedom.” And with that cheesy attempt at a one liner, my life as a house pet began.

> A Short Leash
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey again guys! Good to see you and welcome back to my perilous adventures across the states. Sorry I didn’t open up this chapter with a witty joke or some other witty line to kick it all off. Anyway, if you don’t mind, I’m going to piece the fourth wall back together while you all read. Enjoy!

My jaw hung loosely as I stared up at the massive manor; the limo had pulled into a roundabout and parked in front of the colossal structure. I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. A stepping stone style walkway led up to the front door, expertly trimmed hedges ran alongside the path, and two eloquent marble fountains on the left and right sides of the lawn poured out water that seemed to sparkle in the sunlight.

It’s too unnatural and I hate it already.

The nanny, whom I’d taken the liberty of nicknaming Gertrude, opened the driver’s side door and began walking around the car. “Out!” She barked, much like a military commander at me, throwing the rear door open.

Unluckily, I just so happened to have my face pressed against the window at the time. There was a moment of silence and a pause before I fell. It was almost comical. Almost.

The good news is that I landed on a soft patch of grass. The bad news is that I landed on my face. Typical.

“MARCH!” The nanny barked again, pointing to the front door of the mansion. I don’t know why, but I half expected her to start kicking me to the door... I’m glad she didn’t.

“Yes ma’am.” I replied quickly and scrambled to get back onto my hooves.

I trotted down the stone pathway, taking note of how many armed guards were posted around the perimeter and on the rooftops. I counted a grand total of twenty-seven by the time I reached the door.

There was a solid ten seconds of silence as I glanced between the door and Gertrude. She was tapping her foot and looking annoyed.

“Well?” The nanny said, her foot tapping even faster.

“Well, what?” I quipped, a bit more snarky than I should’ve.

“Well, what are you waiting for?!” Gerdy pointed to the door. “Open the damn door! I don’t have all day.”

I rolled my eyes and did as I was told. It was already being humilated and I haven’t even seen what’s for dinner...

Just as I had my forehooves around the doorknob, and about to turn it, I was interrupted by the nanny. I’m not really surprised at this point.

“Not like that!” She said with the utmost disgust in her voice. She pointed at my forehead with a smile. “Use your ‘magic’.”

I growled under my breath, just low enough so I wasn’t heard, but I did as she commanded. 

The knob was engulfed in a periwinkle glow, just as I knew it would. One click later, I pushed open the door with a hoof and sighed. “There, happy?” I turned around and glared up at the nanny.

Shockingly, she was clapping. A light golf clap, to be exact. “Good. Mister Drendel is getting his money’s worth.” She said blatantly and took a few steps in to the manor. She walked with a militaristic manner with her hands hands behind her back and took long strides. “You will be meeting the child shortly, pony.” She walked down a few corridors and I made a mental note on which window I could possibly jump out of for an escape plan. 

“As mentioned before, you will behave as though you are here on your own accord. Understand?”

Her back was to me as she walked along and I nodded. Not really the smartest thing I’ve done recently.

“Do you understand?” She repeated with much more anger in her voice.

“Yes ma’am!” My voice, or should I say Rarity’s voice, cracked as I yelped the reply.

“Good.” She turned on her heels and grinned a grin that reminded me of The Grinch while he’s stealing all the roast beast. We had stopped in front of a door. It was pink, oddly enough. She pushed the door open; it was apparently a dressing room. “Make yourself look presentable. Clothes will be provided for you to wear, and-” She stopped talking suddenly in one sharp movement, I feel a cold piece of metal being pressed against my temple.

The nanny was crouched down, right in front of me. “You so much as look at the child wrong, I will personally see to it that you have a shallow, unmarked grave.” 

In that moment, I felt like saying something smart, like, “Go ahead and try; I’ll just dig my way out and hunt you down like the animal you really are.” Or, “Better make that grave big enough for two, because I’ll take you with me.”

Those thoughts were washed away as I came to the realization that a Beretta M9A1 was being pressed against my head. 

I blinked, feeling a bead of sweat roll down my face. Just the thought of a 9mm bullet traveling at 985 feet per second through the skull of a small equine made my skin crawl. My life was balanced on a dime right then and there. 

I nodded again. “It w-won’t happen, ma-ma’am,” I stuttered.

The pistol was holstered and she pat me on the head. “Good girl. Now you have fifteen minutes to make yourself look pretty.”

Ten minutes passed without a second notice and I started into a mirror. My reflection stared back at me. Although my mane had been restored it it’s original glory, I couldn’t get myself to smile. How the hell could I? I sighed and looked down at the frilly pink dress I was wearing; it was the only thing in the wardrobe for me to wear.

“This is really happening...” I muttered and facehoofed. Which hurt. Again.

I’m afraid so dear, Rarity muttered in the back of my mind. She finally said something. Although, to be frank, I saw this coming from a mile away.

I glance out a nearby window, looking up at the somewhat cloudy skies. 

“I envy the bastard who’s in Rainbow Dash’s body.” I sigh again and tap a hoof against the vanity table. “With wing power like that, I could fly out of here without a second thought...”

And what about me? Rarity mentally added, sounding genuinely disappointed You wouldn’t leave me to be accompanied by some other ruffian in my mind, right?. 

The corners of my mouth started to peel up a bit. Given the circumstances, Rarity’s sense of humor certainly has shown some improvement.

“Point taken, Rarity.” I giggle marvel at the element of generosity in the mirror. “I couldn’t leave you here.”

I jumped down from the stool and hit the carpet with a soft ‘pomf’. “Although, if I did, I’m sure some dashing hero would hear your cry of distress and come save you.”

Are you implying something, buster?

“Why, of course not!” I answered with Rarity’s very posh voice. I know I’m pushing it, but I can almost see her face turning red, like she’s going to smack me. “It’s not like you are a helpless maiden in distress. You can very well take care of yourself, I mean you-”

Oh shut up! I may not be the strongest, bravest, or even the fastest pony, but at least I-

“You’re beautiful, have a big heart, and a good sense of humor to put up with my stupid self.”

Rarity didn’t respond. I think she got mad at me for cutting her off... Whether that was the case or not, I don’t think I’m ever going to understand girls.

Suddenly, there was a loud knocking at the vibrantly colored door, alerting me that I was time to go meet my new master.

I sigh and take one last look around. My backpack hung off the back of a chair with my hoodie laying neatly folded on it. Nothing was taken from me. Maybe the world doesn’t want to kill me. Yet. 

“The child is waiting, pony,” came the nanny’s shrill voice through the door.

“I’m ready.”

The door opened and the nanny, with her plastic surgeried self stood there with a hand on her hip. She motioned for me to follow her with a manicured finger. 

I left the room and followed Gertrude down the hall. I looked up at her and put on the best “good little pony” voice I could. “Pardon me, ma’am?”

“What now?”

“If I may ask... What is the name of the child whom I belong to?”

“Anastazia Coraline Drendel.” She answered quickly, like it burned to speak the name. She turned on her heels again. She doesn that alot. “You will address her as Miss Drendel, Master, or Madam Anastazia.” She smiled again. That really creepy sharp-toothed smile. “Along with this, you are to be informed that she may named you as she sees fit. Understood?”

Alright, this is where I draw the line. 

“My name, I’ll have you know, is Anthonie Daniel King! And I will be addressed as such.”

I think I growled, but that was probably just the boiling anger in my veins. 

“Excuse me?” Said the nanny incredulously, her hand resting on her holster. I saw it... And I didn’t give two shits.

“You heard me! My name is Tony D K and I refuse to be given some bullshit pet name by a little girl!”

Within a moment’s notice, she drew her pistol just as I thought she would. I could see down the shimmering barrel. 

“Care to try again?”

“Go suck a lemon.”

Her thumb glided over the safety catch and clicked. I think I’m going to die.

Suddenly, something in my head clicked and I was wearing a cocky grin that I didn’t deserve. “Mister Drendel must have spent a great deal of money to obtain me.”

I was bluffing.

“Informants, trackers, security footage...” I met the nanny’s glare; she was practically burning a hole in my forehead with her eye lasers “I’m sure he’d be upset if his big investment suddenly went to waste.”

Her face turned to one of unease. I think I’m winning, because I think I just talked down a crazy hag from painting the walls with my brain. I like my brain. 

Although the pistol was still pointed in my general direction, I wasn’t really worried. 

That feeling lasted about five seconds before the woman’s hands tightened around the grip and she smiled. “We’ll find another.” With one eye closed, she looked down at me with a maniacal grin. “Another unicorn with a better attitude.”

Oh shit.

The Beretta shook in her dainty hands.

“Better not miss.”

I closed my eyes, wearing a grin of triumph... This is where my story ends. I took my last breath and enjoyed it... 

“Nana?” Came a teenager’s voice...

I crack open an eye, and see the nanny sweating bullets with her hands behind her back. 

“Anastazia! What a... Pleasant surprise!”

The next thing I knew, I was plucked off the floor and behind hugged, quite gently matter o’ fact.

“Thank you SO much, Nana!” Squealed my abductor. Hey, this beats getting a bullet in the head any day.

‘Nana’ laughed nervously. “You’re very welcome, Anastazia...” She rubbed the back of her head nervously. “I’ll... Just, umm...” Her voice assumed one of authority. Or a motherly voice. Whichever. “Now, a pony is a big responsibility. You know you will have to feed her and... Umm..”

“I know, Nana! I’m not a little girl anymore.”

Huh. I thought I was going to be the pet of a bratty seven year old whom I would have tea parties with and play dress up. 

“Yes, well... I suppose I’ll leave you two meet your new... Pet.” She shot me a glare and began walking down the hall.

Man, I am one lucky bastard.

In the few short moments of being picked up, hugged and petted, I was carried by none other than Anastazia, a teenaged girl who I’m guessing is approximately fifteen. She had short cut hair that was dyed purple and had light green eyes. Despite her obvious rich upbringing, she wore a baggy Green Day tee and hole-y jeans. 

She set me down and sat on her knees; an ever present stuck to her face.

“Hi!” She squealed, waving a hand. “My name’s Anastazia C. Drendel, but you can call me Annie!”

I was speechless.

“And you’re Rarity, the element of generosity, right?”

Still speechless.

“I’m your biggest fan! I just love you soooo much!” She was suddenly holding a teddy bear, that I didn’t see her pick up. “I’m sorry if Nana came off as a bit overbearing. She’s just like that. Truth is, she just worries that I will one day succumb to the evils of the outside world and be a bad person.” She ranted, not even stopping to take a breath.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I swear that this girl is like an ADHD squirrel that had one too many cups of coffee.

“Oh!” She held out her bear. “This is Tibbers! He’s my best friend!” 

“Well...” I said with a slight smile. “It truly is a pleasure to meet you, Annie.” I held out a hoof, which she shook happily. “As you may well know, my name is...”

Just do it, ya wuss. I told myself.

“Rarity Belle.”

As the words left my lips, I could feel myself regret start to regret it already.

“We’re gonna have so much fun together!”

> A Walk In The Park
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, hey guys! Great timing. I was just about to start writing a new chapter for my story. Come to keep me company while I write, have you? Well, that really warms my heart to you sticking around. Now, I’m gonna need a few moments before I finish this bad boy...

Three weeks and six days later.

There we go! In record time too. Enjoy!

Anastazia was sitting on her knees in front of me with an over eager smile, and her teddy bear squeezes up against her like she’s hugging the poor little thing.

“So! What do you want to do first?” Annie asked me with a sweet tone. 

For a stuck up rich girl, she’s not so stuck up. Go figure.

I was still dumbstruck from being so quickly introduced to Annie, that I felt like my head was spinning on a carousel without my body. “Erm...” I mumbled and felt a bit bashful, honestly. I mean, afterall, I am kinda her pet or some shit.

“OH! Can we play dress up? That’d be fun!” She was on her feet faster than I could blink and already half way across the room.

Well, at least I’m not being forced to play with a seven year old.

“Daddy bought me a whole bunch of pony clothes before you got here,” Annie squealed as she skipped across the room.

“Oh... Uhm, sure.” I replied, still getting used to the fact that this young girl, supposedly the girl whom I’d belong to for the rest of my life, was such a soft hearted angel. I got to my hooves and followed her with my eyes glued to the carpet. “So, what, are we gonna put on some princess outfits, or what’s the deal here?”

I looked up and almost dropped my eyes out of their sockets. Annie was standing in front of a door easily comparable that to a cathedral. She was rubbing her hands together with a cheshire cat-like smile.

The door swung open with a loud FWOOSH and I was nearly knocked on my ass. Rarity’s ass. Whatever.

Beyond Annie was a myriad of clothes, rather small clothes at that, lined up neatly on hangers. I’m pretty sure I was stuck between gasping excitedly and groaning in agitation from the possible hours I’d spend playing dress up. 

Seriously, why couldn’t I be paired with a pony like Pinkie Pie, or Apple Jack? At least their memories wouldn’t conflict too badly with mine... 

Whatever my complaining ass was ranting about, I took notice to how many of the outfits and whatever else the world could’ve crammed in there looked almost familiar. Like, I want to try them on and make sure they fit... But I really don’t. This fusing shit is getting on my nerves.

“Pretty neat, right?” Annie’s voice pervaded into my thought bubble, bursting it as she skipped into the large closet. “C’mon, let’s go!” She said, already skimming through the stream of clothes.

Naturally, I chased after her.

“Excuse me, dear?” I asked in an attempt to recreate Rarity’s elitist voice, as I ran a hoof over a eye catching pony-sized cashmere sweater I had spotted as I entered. 

Wait. I don’t even know what cashmere is...

“Yeah?”

“Where’d you...” I motioned to the wardrobe. “Acquire all of these garments?”

“Daddy said it was some place in Ohio. He said I could get anything I wanted to dress up my pony- Oh! That’s you. Sorry. Anyway, daddy let me write a big list of stuff I wanted, and then they showed up at the front door a few days later! Isn’t that cool?”

I nodded and took the sweater I was ogling off the hanger. “Yeah, pretty cool,” I said absent mindedly. 

I’m not sure what it was about the sweater, but it was increasingly more appealing every second I looked over it. Every thread and stitch was so expertly crafted that I couldn’t take my eyes off it! Which is weird, considering the only thing I’ve ever stitched up was Ele when she got a tear on her trunk.

“Pardon me, Annie?” I said to my *master* politely. “May I take off this tutu and put on something a little more comfortable?”

“Yeah,” She called over her shoulder. 

Wow. It’s like she doesn’t even give two shits. 

“There’s a dressing room on the far left. Knock yourself out!”

As soon as she finished her sentence, I zipped off into the aforementioned room to get rid of this hideous rag I was wearing. I may not be a fashion expertise, but I wouldn’t even make a five year old wear something like this.

Remind me to burn this?

The dressing room was approximately the size of an average person’s bedroom with a large mirror on the right side wall. It was slightly chilly in there, but it was tolerable.

“Ya know, this isn’t too bad, Rarity.” I said aloud to the mare in, and on my mind. “I was expecting us to be much worse off.” 

We’re alone in a dressing room, dear. She replied blatantly 

“I’ll find a way out eventually, Rares. Just takes a little time and a Tony style suave,” I sat on my haunches and stared into the large mirror. “In the meantime, why don’t you take over for a bit? I need to think... About things.”

A shiver crawled up my back, like a cold piece of metal being dragged up my spine. Before I realised it, I wasn’t in control of our hooves. I gave all control to Rarity just as she has for me.

“Thank you, dear. A little time to stretch my hooves will do me some good.” She wriggled out of the tutu and pulled the sweater up to our eyes. She smiled and held a sleeve in periwinkle-colored telekinesis. 

Nice right? I think the simple black color shows off your elegant alabaster coat, I thought with a bit of self-deserved pride. 

Rarity rolled her eyes with a smile. “That sounds like something I would say, Tony.” Rarity sneered with a dainty giggle.

For the betterment of my pride and sanity, I decide to not say anything. It’s hard enough having going from a six foot five BAMF to a two, maybe three foot tall pony with an obsession over clothes.

No, seriously, it’s like someone turned the difficulty up on life to “Very Hard” during the final boss fight. 

Anyway, during my mental rant, Rarity was still looking over the black sweater with intrigue. It really brings out her eyes... You didn’t just read that.

“Anthonie, dear? Were you aware that there’s a tag on this sweater?”

Umm... No. Is that significant to anything?

“Darling, there’s a phone number on it.”

And?

Rarity facehoofed. Which I felt. Ow.

“There’s an address!”

So..? I don’t think now is a good time to be ordering clothes, Rarity.

She groaned. “Are you really this dense all the time or is today a special occasion?!”

You know, I think I was wearing my best poker face, but it was hard to tell since I was more of a mental projection at the time. Or a thought. Whatever.

“Anthonie! Are you even listening to me?”

Oh, yeah, Rarity was saying some stuff.

I’d be lying if I said yes.

Rarity stamped a hoof on the floor. I was pissing her off.

“What in the world are even doing in there?” She asked, clearly irritated. “I swear, it’s as though you’re talking to somepony else entirely!”

I mentally shrugged and almost started to wander the recesses of mind. Almost.

“Now, are you going to listen to me or am I going to have to come in there and wipe the floors of your own brain with your face?”

I’d like to go on record and say that not many things scare me. Yeah, there’s water, dying alone, and being an outcast, but that’s beside the point, because I’m pretty sure if I was able to, I would’ve pissed myself.

Yes ma’am. I squeaked a mental reply and soon began to fear for my safety. I’m not even safe inside my own mind! What’s up with that?

“Excellent.” Rarity’s aggression faded just as quickly as it showed it’s ugly face. 

The sweater was held up to our eyes again by Rarity’s magic. 

Apparently the tag had some pretty helpful info. Annie wasn’t lying when it was made in Ohio. Columbus to be exact. In a store called Taylor’s Tailor. A pretty nice find if I do say so myself.

Maybe we just caught a break after all.

Hey Rarity?

“Yes, darling?”

I fucking love you.  

v^v^v^v

Sometime later, Rarity and I hatched a plan to get out of here. In the meantime, I let Rarity put together the rest of her sweater ensemble. Hey, if you’re gonna do something, may as well do it in style.

The fabulous mare I know as Rarity Belle tied her mane into a ponytail, found a red beret and a set of matching hoof slippers. 

She looked nice. That was the simple way of describing her anyway.

We stepped out of the dressing room and whoa and behold, Annie was waiting for us. How endearing...

Her smile grew about ten times larger than what I expected from any normal human being. This whole fucking family is weird.

“Ohmigosh! You look amazing, Rarity!” Annie squealed and dove onto her knees in front of us.

“Naturally,” Rarity replied with a condescending attitude.

“You look like you did during that one montage where you were in Canterlot and almost chose those snobby stuck up rich ponies over your friends! You’re so cuuuute!”

She shrugged off the comment like it was nothing and just nodded. “If you so say, darling... But I need to get a few things. Would you be so kind as you help me find my room?”

Time to get the hell out of dodge.

> Big Fat Liar
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I gotta admit, I’m pretty proud of the plan Rarity and I came up with. So, here’s the plan, guys! Annie calls this clothing place, I pack up my shit, and I hitch a ride on the delivery truck! Genius, isn’t it?

Seriously, how could this possibly go wrong? It’s foolproof!

You’ll find a way to botch this up somehow, dear

Despite the comfy ensemble Rarity put together, I was constantly getting an itching feeling of being watched. Every so often, I’d glance behind myself, but it would be the same thing everytime; an empty hallway.

Still just an empty hall, I thought to myself, and hastily trotted after Anastazia, who happily agreed to escort me back to my room and get the junk I brought with me.

“Thank you ever so much, dear.” I said for the upteenth time, and finally getting my Rarity impression down to a solid C+. 

“Happy to help!” Annie called over her shoulder, skipping down the seemingly endless hall. “One question though.”

“Yes dear?”

“What are we getting exactly?” 

I put my trotting on hold for a moment and shut my mouth before I could reply.

I can’t just tell her I’m getting my phone so I can escape this very cozy prison. She’d get suspicious! Maybe even get her nanny. Or worse, make me sleep outside.

Rarity butted in, Oh, what’s the matter, Tony? I thought you liked camping?

Now’s not the time, woman!

It took me a moment to realize I was standing in the middle of the hall, making faces of an argumentative nature while Annie stared down at me like I was a few fries short of a happy meal. 

“Umm... Rarity?” She spoke slowly and with concern in her voice. 

A bead of sweat formed at my brow. “Y-yes Miss Drendel?” I stuttered and failed at trying to be subtle.

“Are you alright?”

I just smiled. How do I say that I’m imitating her favorite pony and sharing her body without sounding like I’m bat-shit insane?

Simple.

“What? Oh! Terribly sorry, Anastazia-dear. I was lost in your beautiful home decor.”

Just don’t mention it.

Annie giggled and continued skipping along the halls... She actually bought that.

Although, honestly I do feel bad for using a naive young girl like this, but I do need to do what’s necessary if I plan to ever escape. If that means lying to sweet girl like Annie, well so be it.

Seriously, I hate to lie to her...

“So, what did you leave behind, Rarity?” Annie’s voice broke me out of my trance and back to the real world.

“A... Friend? And my lucky sweatshirt.”

Annie turned on a dime to face me again. “A friend? I didn’t know you brought someone with you!” She squealed happily and made an ear-piercing “Eeeee!” sound. “Who is it? Rainbow Dash? Pinkie Pie? What about Apple Jack!? Please tell me it’s Apple Jack!”

Well, if you think about it, saying Pinkie Pie wouldn’t entirely be a lie...

“Well... Not quite, Annie. You see, I brought a small friend of mine who I couldn’t leave home without. Her name is-”

“Omigosh! You brought Sweetiebelle with you?!”

I facehoofed and sighed heavily.

“Is it true that Sweetiebelle is actually a robot? Oh! And is she really as bad of a cook as she is in the cartoon?”

Jeeze, she’s got a mouth on her like a motor-boat.

“No, yes, and for the love of Saint Peter, I didn’t bring my sister with me.”

You mean, MY sister? Rarity said, deadpan.

“Then... Who did you bring?” 

“Ellie,” I said simply and trotted around Annie to a familiar door that I think I passed through on my way down to Annie’s room. “She’s an elephant and a very close friend of mine.”

Annie’s face turned into a frown of puzzlement and scratched her head. “I don’t follow...”

“Look, are you going to help me rescue her or am I going solo?” I snapped, forgetting that I was actually going to go get my phone, rather than my adorable traveling companion.

Annie smirked. Like, one of those I’m-not-afraid-of-danger smirks. “Does this mean we’re like spies?” 

I took a second to look at Anastazia. She smiled like nothing was wrong with the world. She was so blissfully ignorant to my struggle, and the guilt of lying to her started setting in.

“Yeah...” I muttered, trying to keep a cool head. (I’d rather not lose it.) “Just like spies.”

^v^v^v^

Somehow, I’m not sure how, I had been distracted for almost an hour as Annie and I snuck through the hallways. We had even made a game out of our expedition and our objective was to save Ellie without being spotted by any of the many workers throughout the manor.

Surprisingly, not a soul found us and we even decided to take a detour through the kitchen for a quick snack.

Hey, no good spy works well on an empty stomach.

Annie and I were crouched with apple in hand (telekinesis in my case), and following a wall to a corner. Our progress came to a screeching halt as loud thumping footsteps boomed around the corner with a hulking shadow to match.

There was a moment of silence and I glanced over at Annie. “What do we do?” I whispered, genuinely concerned.

Before she could answer, the owner of the loud footsteps and shadow lumbered around the corner. The guy was massive and wearing a sleek black suit that I could probably swim in if I tried. Now that I think about it, he was probably about my height before waking up as Rarity.

“Cheeze it! It’s the fuzz!” Anastazia suddenly yelped and dived behind a large vase the size of a dresser.

The bear of a man laughed. He fucking laughed. “Hello Miss Drendel and company!” He bellowed in a strong European accent. German maybe? “Dinner vill be ready in one hour, ya?”

Annie poked her head out from behind cover. “False alarm, Rarity. It’s just Allan Bassoonavich.” She said with a light-hearted laugh. “But I call him Mister B! Isn’t that right, Mister B?”

Allan, whom I already started to like, smiled a wide toothy grin and leaned down to ruffle her dyed hair. “Vatever makes young Anna happy.”

Annie pushed the massive hand off her head and hugged his arm. Oh, did I mention that his hands were the size of baseball mitts?

“So, vat are ve playing today, young Anna?” Mister B asked as he easily pried his arm from Annie’s little hands. “Hide unt go seek? Pirates? Team Deathmatch?” That last one concerns me...

“Nope! We’re secret spies,” she pointed out nonchalantly. “Off to save a prisoner.”

“Da,” said Allan with a nod. “I vish you luck unt hope you find your target safely.”

Without another broken word, the man, who I made the connection looked like a gorilla wearing a suit, walked around us, singing in a language that I knew nothing about.

Well, that was certainly an interesting character... Rarity mentally noted in the back of my mind. I wonder if we’ll see him again...

“Hey Annie?” I asked, turning to look at her as she rolled out of cover. “Who was... The umm..”

“Al?”

“Yeah, what’s his deal?”

Annie giggled again and leaned against the wall. “Allan’s my dad’s gardener and sometimes my baby sitter. He’s just a big old teddy bear.”

For a moment, I just stood there, staring at Annie with a blank expression. Deciding it was better not to ask, I turned and took point in the search for my missing gear.

^v^v^

All distractions aside,  Anastazia and I eventually found the room was I was introduced to when I was first brought to my metaphorical prison.

Then, as if I didn’t know what to expect, I saw my backpack hanging off the back of the chair I used earlier, right next to my road-ravaged hoodie, which was neatly folded on the vanity table.

“Is that yours?” Annie asked in a surprised tone as I picked up my sentimental pink hoodie

Don’t tell anyone, but I kinda rubbed my cheek against the fabric like I was being reunited with a long lost friend... Which I would be, shortly.

“Why yes, dear. Why ever do you ask?”

“Well...” The way she trailed off gave me that same itching feeling from earlier. “I’m pretty sure that hoodie is pink... And I don’t know of a time that you ever wore something pink. Or with Pinkie Pie’s balloons on it. Or a hoodie for that matter!” Her eyes darted to my backpack and she put on a suspicious glare. “That’s not a saddlebag either... And that’s Pinkie Pie’s face on it...”

Annie was down at my level before I could blink or say anything; she was staring me down.

“Rarity,” she said in an ensconced voice that made me want to rip my hair out...

You will do no such thing, young man!

“Are you actually Pinkie Pie in disguise?!” 

And just like that, her suspicion was washed away by suppressed squeals of excitement. Talk about dodging a bullet. I bet you a creamsicle you could me in front of a fully loaded 9mm pistol and I wouldn’t get shot! Wait... Already did that. No creamsicle for you!

I sighed and tried my very best not to laugh. “No, dear. I am not Pinkie Pie.”

She pointed an accusing finger at my gear. “Then why is your stuff all Pinkie Pie-ish?”

“It’s... Umm...” I rubbed the back of my head, not sure how to respond. C’mon, Tony... Think of something, I mentally cheered myself on. 

“It’s what?”

“Magic..?”

Dammit, me!

Annie raised an eyebrow raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “What kind of magic?”

“It’s enchanted!” I suddenly blurted out before I could think of a reasonable reply. “When I wear it, I can be just as silly as Miss Pie herself.” I was nodding nervously and smiling just as badly. If my luck pulls through, maybe she’ll buy this too.

Although the fib was half-assed, Annie seemed to believe it with yet another larger that life smile. “And your little friend?”

At the mentioning of Ellie, I snatched up my backpack and started rummaging through it’s contents. At the bottom of the bag was my phone and my adorable plush traveling companion, Ellie.

Naturally, I pushed my phone aside and raised Ellie up in a telekinetic grasp. “Here she is, in all her glory. Elanor Dan-” I cough. “Elanor Belle!”

“She’s adorable!” Annie squealed and reached for her. Out of pure instinct, I pulled her back down and hugged my dear friend. She’s like family.

I’m so embarrassed to be sharing a body with you right now, rang Rarity’s annoyed voice in the back of my mind.

Although Annie looked slightly upset at not being able to hold Elanor, I didn’t give it a second thought. 

“So!” Annie bounced on her heels. “What do we do now?”

“Well, I suppose we co-”

CRASH

The loud thump made us both look to the door as it crashed against the wall; Annie’s nanny stood in the doorway, huffing and looking general pissed off. “You!” She pointed a long finger at me and I nearly lost my colors. “What do you think you’re doing in here?!” She took long strides into the room and was in front of me before I could take a breath.

“Nan-”

“I don’t want to hear it, Anastazia!” The nanny grabbed her by the ear and me by the collar of my shirt and was dragging us out of the room. “You know your mother’s dressing room is off-limits!”

“But Nana-”

“No buts! To your room! Now!” The nanny glared down at me with the ferocity of a warthog. “You. Outside, now!”

I didn’t wait for her tell me twice and got my hooves galloping like hell was on my heels. 

What the hell just happened?

> Houdini
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ya know, when I look back at my life, I feel like I’m living in a mediocre fan fiction with crappy plot lines and horrible planning to begin with. Well, who ever is writing my script is getting fired because I’m sick of this shit. I’m rewriting this train wreck before I crash! Time to take action! Time to take back what’s mine! Viva la revolucion! 

Look, I’m not gonna lie to you guys... When the nanny told me to go outside, I didn’t. I turned a corner and tapped my hooves against the floor to make it sound like I was running away like a little wuss. I was mad and I really didn’t feel like running anymore. I wanted to make a stand. This whole running away thing isn’t me!

Who are you? Anthonie Daniel King, or Fluttershy? Came the voice of opposition. My everlasting challenge... Boy have I missed you. 

I felt my jaw clench tightly as I listened around the corner. Annie’s nanny was really letting her have it. I haven’t heard a telling-to like that since I was a kid and my brother pushed me down the stairs. Man, my mom really wore into him.

“MARCH!” Bellowed the pompous bitch of a nanny. The sad sound of soft footsteps against hardwood floor followed her words. Then, as I was about to peek around the corner, Nana turned down the corner I was on, stomping furiously. I ducked under a nearby end-table and watched her crack her long manicured fingers. 

“When I find that pony...” She grumbled, charging down the hall. She had somehow completely missed me. Talk about a lucky break. 

As soon as she passed by, I spared no time in galloping after Annie. She didn’t turn around to face me as she trudged onwards. Seeing her like this really broke my heart. Yeah, I know I’m her pet and all, but I think I’m coming down with a major case of Stockholm Syndrome. Seeing her as sad as she was made me want to make her smile in anyway possible. She’s just a kid...

So, in a last ditch effort to bring some happiness into this seemingly endless sad story, I did the one thing I could think of...

I glomped her and yelled, “Surprise!” With my hooves wrapped around her neck and Eleanor pressed against her face. 

The proceedings were actually quite entertaining; Annie whizzed around, trying to hug me back, but I was latched on her backside firmly. I felt like a backpack. So, in the end, I wound up being spun around in a few circles before she came to her senses. “Rarity!” She squealed elatedly and wriggled around to squeeze the ever-living hell out of me. It wasn’t a bad squeeze though. It was one of those “OMIGOSH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” kinda squeezes. 

“And a big hello to you too, dear!” I said with my hooves wrapped around her figure. The air was squeezed out of my lungs, but having being death-hugged before, I’ve gotten used to it. 

It made me smile to see her sudden change of mood. Moreover, it was even better to feel wanted. Yeah, I’ve gone over this a lot, but it’s nice to feel needed, even if you’re destined to save the world. Speaking of which...

I smiled and stared into Annie’s gleaming eyes. I knew now that if I didn’t tell her what I needed to tell her, I’d never be able to. I had to tell her the truth...

As if she knew I was going to say something, Annie set me down and sat down in front of me. As my hooves touched the floor, I raised my head to see Annie’s smile. It was empathetic. I couldn’t imagine why though.

“Annie-dear, I need to tell you something. It’s very important.” I had tried to keep the quivering out of my voice, but to no avail. I even took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

I’m not Rarity and I need to save the world!

It was so easy to say it in my head, but, staring into her innocent eyes...

Don’t you dare quit, soldier! This is for the greater good!

“I’m all ears.” Annie said. At least, I think that’s what she said. The world around me went silent and I could only see the movement of her lips. 

I gulped, clenched my jaw and tried to think about my friends; the people I’m doing this for.

“Rarity?” Came Annie’s voice, clear as crystal. “Are you alright?”

Something must’ve been unjammed in the back of my mind, because I felt the sudden urge to let it all out. Everything. “No.” I said, gradually looking up at her. “I’m not alright and I’m not Rarity.”

Annie wore a face of disbelief and confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“My name is Anthonie Daniel King and I am not Rarity,” I repeated. “Miss Belle and I are sharing a body, but more importantly, I need to leave. The fate of the world depends on it.”

Annie had scooted away just so slightly. Her happy facade had melted into one of fear.

“We need to talk, Anastazia.”

She was slow to accept what I told her, but she eventually got up and led me to a small room under a staircase. Once there, I told her everything. From my first seconds of waking up as a pony, to the painful moment of watching Ryan drive away in his pickup truck. I even told her about my plan to escape and showed her the ever growing news reports of people turning into ponies all over the world... Nice to know I’m definetly not alone.

A few minutes passed and Annie sat on a small wooden stool in the dimly lit and musty room. Her chin rested on the palm of her hand. 

“So... Let me get this straight.” She pointed at me. “You’re Rarity, but not Rarity. You’re a teenage brony who goes by Tony and you need to get to New York in a few days or the world is as good as dead?”

“Yeah, that about covers it.”

“Oh... Why didn’t you just say that to begin with? I totally would’ve understood and probably wanted to go with you!” She says with a good-natured laugh. Why couldn’t I have know this when I first got here? This would’ve saved me so much time! “Oh! Can I come with you? It’d be so awesome to get out of here! No more butlers, no nanny, no more bullsh--...” She covered her mouth before she finished the sentence and gulped. “Can I come? Please?”

For a moment, I actually considered letting her tag along... We could be a happy little trio again. Yet, she’s just a ki-- HEY! She’s about my age! Why should I be worried? It’d totally be easy to relate to her and I’m sure she’d make a great traveling buddy. Probably better for conversation than Eleanor or Rarity... 

Then again, my indecisive side slapped me around with a fish and I looked up to Annie. “It’d be too dangerous, Annie. I’d never forgive myself if you got hurt.” I spoke with sincerity and she saw it. She seemed to understand that I needed to do this. After hearing what I’ve been through already, I think she saw me as a capable unicorn who could get herself out of a situation when needed. Like I am now!

The proceeding hour consisted of secretly gathering supplies for my departure. Annie helped me find a few granola bars, water bottles, and she even gave me her bear, Tibbers. “Take a picture of him sitting on The Empire State Building,” she told me, holding him out to me along with a cell phone number. As I stored the worn bear in my bag, right next to Ellie, I had to fight to hold back any tears. Although I’ve only known her for a short time, Annie has truly become a friend of mine and it hurt to be leaving.

“Well... Only one thing to do now.” I muttered.

“Yeah. I’ll call the tailor.” Annie said solemnly. She picked up her phone and dialed a number. As she spoke with the person on the phone, I took a moment to ready the camera on my phone. I wanted something else to remember her by.

“The van will be here in a few minutes.” She said as she walked over to me. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“Say cheese.”

“What?”

I pulled her down to my level and took the picture. The flash blinded me for a second, but the moment in time would be forever frozen and I could always have something to remember her by... I’m such a sad sap. The picture was saved right next to the one of me cosplaying as Jason Voorhees. Good times. Good, good times. 

Annie rubbed her eyes and smiled. “So... We wait for the van to get here, then I distract the delivery guy while you hitch a ride, right?” She looked over at my phone as I flipped through the different pictures I had forgotten about. Most of them were of me hanging out with my friends. I even found one of the aftermath of a hardcore paintball game. “Huh... You were cute.” 

“Emphasis on were, right?” I said, trying to prevent a potentially awkward situation. “Things change when you wake up as a pony.”

v^v^v

Twenty minutes passed by when I heard the grumbling of a engine rolling down a gravel road. I peeked out of a bush Annie suggested I hide in and sure enough, the white delivery van pulled up into the roundabout. Her cue hit and Annie skipped out the door, and waved to the delivery man; in his arms was a single brown cardboard box. Annie ordered some bogus sweatshirt to get the guy up here while I snuck by. The large iron gate then opened up and he parked nearby. He exited the van and walked down the pathway right up to Annie.

“Good evening, Miss Drendel.” I heard him say right before I darted across the yard and quickly opened the back of the van. I jumped in, closed the door behind me and got down. My heart was racing and I could almost see myself getting caught.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t caught. No barking dogs to give away my position, or any farsighted eagle-eye guards to catch me. I was home free!

I could hear the delivery man hum as he came back to the van. The driver-side door popped open and the engine quickly came to life. The soft rumbling brought a great sense of accomplishment into my heart. 

The van shifted into gear and started to turn.

I wore a smile similar to that of a crocodile's as I pulled up my phone and ran through my contacts. Near the bottom was Ryan’s number. I clicked the text message icon and wrote the following:

I forgive you, you sunnuvabitch. Catch you later.

I attached the picture of Annie and I to it and pressed send. 

“Freedom at last...” I whispered.
> Seven Years Bad Luck
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you describe that soothing rocking motion of a car as it hits those key little bumps on the road? It has always puzzled me, ever since I was a kid.  I could fall asleep in the middle of the day and sleep for hours, just because the open road would sing her lullabye. It's kinda trippy you know? I could close my eyes for a few seconds and hours would fly by. 

There I go again, going off track like I always do. I guess I just need to stop daydreaming and get my head in the game.

Remember that road lullabye I was talking about just a few seconds ago? Yeah, it was sucking the alertness right out of me. The back of the van was warm--cozy even. The pile of sweaters I was laying on wasn’t helping. Don’t get me wrong, I could really use a nap right then, but I just wanted to keep my eyes open and concentrate on something.

Then the sound of slow highway traffic resounded outside. By then, I knew I stood no chance at staying awake, so I went with what I was given. I closed my eyes and felt myself slip into a deep sleep.

v^v^v^v

The next moment I opened my eyes, I was staring into into my reflection. MY reflection. Not Rarity’s. My human face. My scruffy dark brown hair, and hazel eyes. I couldn’t help but smile. I knew I was asleep and it was all just a dream, but it didn’t stop me from pressing a finger to the small scar on my nose that I got from being too brave for my britches and playing with pit bulls as a kid.

Everything was still intact. Even that tiny scar I had on my knuckle from punching out a window when I was five. 

“Hey Rarity?” I called out and looked over my shoulder. 

What I saw I almost couldn’t comprehend.

Rarity was there alright. She was staring at two floating mirrors in front of her. One of them was her reflection, but it was cracked and looked like it was ready to fall apart. The other was... How do I explain this? It was me, but not the real me. I know it sounds weird, but I’m fairly sure I saw the pony that I drew and designed after myself in that mirror. 

“Just hold on a few more minutes, Rarity! I’m not losing you!” The pony-me yelled, trying to beat against the mirror he appeared to be trapped behind.

Rarity’s reflection looked as though she was about to collapse. She was weakly pressing her hooves against the glass and struggling just to keep herself upright.

“Just... Hold... On!” The pony-me yelled, as he fruitlessly slammed his shoulder against the mirror that held him back.

“What the hell..?” I said aloud, but Rarity didn’t move. She was stiff and like a statue.

Then I turned back around to the mirror that I had seen moments ago. There were two of them. Both floating just barely off the void-like ground beneath them. 

I blinked, then before I knew it, I was staring into the face of Rarity’s human version. I instinctively reached out for her, but my body soon fell weak and I fell to my knees. Even as I crawled towards her, I was stopped by something. I don’t know what it was, but I couldn’t go any farther. 

“Rarity!” I choked out, and slammed a fist against the obstacle with all of my might. It didn’t budge and Rarity just stared at me in an expression of pure terror.

“It’s over, Anthonie.” She murmured as a solemn tear fell off her cheek. “We’ve ran out of time, dear.” She fell to her knees and placed her hand against the... Glass. “I’m so sorry, Anthonie...” She cried. Tears slipped down her face evenly as I pressed my palm against the glass where hers was. 

“Just... Hold... On!” I yelled, feeling a horrid chill roll down my spine and a tingle of deja vu.

“It’s over, Tony. Soon there won’t be a me, or a you.” She was trying to smile. She was trying to mask the inevitable. “But we’ll always be here together, even if we don’t realize it.” 

“It can’t end like this, Rarity.” I murmured and looked her square in her gem-like eyes.

I was losing myself in a war that was out of my league. Rarity was right and I should’ve just accepted my fate to be merged into a single being with her... But I was a stubborn ass as usual.

“NOT LIKE THIS!” I suddenly screamed, and reared my fist back with every intent to shatter the blockade into a million pieces.

My fist connected and the glass that separated us shattered into a tiny glistening crystals that seemed to dance around my figure. Rarity fell into my arms and I held her tightly. In those few seconds, I promised her I wouldn’t ever let go. I wouldn’t let the push-and-pull relationship we made together go to waste.

“We’re out of time, Anthonie.” She sobbed into my shoulder. “It’s pointless to fight.”

I closed my eyes and wanted to say something. Maybe a cliche line about love lasting eternity or something equally cheesy.

“I only need a few borrowed seconds.” The words slipped off my lips but fell on deaf ears. Starting at my feet, my legs had begun to disintegrate and fall in line with the dancing shards of glass around us.

Before I joined minds with Rarity, I held her in my arms and kissed her. Yeah, I guess that’s about it. I couldn’t think of anything else, so that’s what I did. If I had the chance, I would’ve planned out a big moonlit date with a romantic picnic overlooking a valley... Too bad I only had one chance.

My legs, followed by my torso burned away into energy and my vision fell back like a final curtain call.

Then what? Nothing. I ceased to exist...

Nah, I’m just fucking with ya.

v^v^v^v

In The Depths of Merged Rarity and Tony’s Mind.

I was taken by surprise when I opened my eyes again. I was still alive. I was still breathing... And someone was pressed against me gently. A furry someone. A furry someone I soon recognized as Rarity in her natural form. She was staring up at me with her shimmering blue eyes. 

Then the sudden realization hit me that I was holding her with golden hooves, rather than farmer’s tanned arms. I was a pony stuck in our merged minds, and I was okay with that. I felt at complete peace here. Nothing would ever hurt us again.

v^v^v^v

I woke up laying on my back in a twisted pile of sweaters of varied colors. As soon as my eyes felt the sunlight that pierced through the side windows of the van, memories flooded my vision and a skull-splitting headache shot through me within seconds.

Who am I? Where am I? Where’s my sister?! I screamed in my head and staggered onto my hooves. Just walking in them felt so foreign. This certainly was my body. but something was missing. Something personal. Something that really defined who I was.

“Well who the fuck am I?” I said aloud, and leaned on the side of the van. It had stopped and I was able to move around.

Suddenly, the back door flung open and the scared face of a young man stared at me. 

I couldn’t stand the light. I couldn’t even understand why I was crying. It felt like I had lost someone... Somepony? What the fuck am I supposed to say?

I tipped to my side and hit the floor with a thump as the onlooker grabbed something from his pocket. 

The rest of the world was lost to me and I lost the will keep my eyes open.

> Out Of The Frying Pan
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke with the heavy weight of loss and confinement stepping on my back . The air around me was stale and stank of animals. It smelled like fear, confusion, and the loss of all hope...

Well, that sucks! I thought I was supposed to be writing a comedy? No, screw that intro. I’ve got a better one.

My eyes opened and I immediately recoiled at the foul odor that assaulted my nostrils. It was like sticking your nose in a cellar with fermenting cheese wrapped in piss soaked towels! Yuck!

I clamped my hooves over my nose and sat up, as I nearly choked on the thick foul air. “Ugh, who died?” I moaned and took a moment to let my eyes adjust to the dim lighting. Bouncing slivers of light cut across the darkness and revealed my new prison... The back of an Animal Control van. I was also in a dog cage on another cage below me. Actually, there were cages from one side of the van to the other in a tight wall. Most of the other cages were empty, except for the sleeping pitbull that was in the cage below me.  

Well, that figures, I thought, huffing a laugh. I’m not sure why I found this situation funny, but... I’ll figure it out later. The first thought that struck me was getting out of this cage. Then sticking a twelve foot pole up the ass of the person who put me in here.

“Well, first things first.” I mumbled and stared at the latch that kept the cage closed. Did someone really think that would keep me in here? I shook my head and nearly laughed again. Seriously, what’s so funny? 

The familiar blue glow of magic emanating off my horn illuminated the van for a moment as I took hold of the lock with my magical grip. But I stopped and held the lock upright for a moment, staring at the shapeless form of magic that surrounded it. It was blue, as I could remember, but flecks of green were swirled into it as well. Talk about trippy! It crossed my mind as absurd and unimaginable. I let the latch drop and pulled the glob of magic back into the cage for a closer inspection. Sure enough, the natural blueish color of the magic faded into a half and half of emerald green and sapphire blue. I sat there, dumbfounded by the amazing discovery. 

I half-smiled and poked the waving form of solid magic, then proceeded to unlock the cage with a newfound sense of optimism and hope... Which was slowly popped by the van hitting a bump and I was knocked out of the cage and landed on my ass on the floor. 

Despite the pain in my rear end I wobbly started standing up on my hooves. Although the constant jarring of the van threw my off my balance, I was able to stand for about twenty seconds before I landed on my chin, then matched eyes with a sad looking pitbull whom rested his head on his paws. A dog tag in the shape of a bullet hung of his neck slightly off to the side. The named “Cojack” was etched into the metal. 

Naturally, I was somewhat intimidated by the dog, but soon felt a strong sense of empathy for him. He was trapped, just like I was... And didn’t look very happy. I bet if he were me, he’d let me out... 

And so I made the first stupid decision of my waking hour.

KA-CHIK! 

The latch opened and I soon found being nearly ran over by sixty pounds of big scary dog. The impact was hard enough to knock the breath out of my lungs. So, I just stared up at the dog, breathless and afraid... But fear gave way to the feeling of being challenged. Truth be told, I felt a number of conflicting emotions. Fear, for one was colliding with my feeling that I should fight back. Not just lay here and wait to become a meal. 

The burning sensation of conflict was welling up inside my chest as I matched glares with the snarling dog. I grit my teeth and furrowed my brow, then did the one thing that came naturally when dealing with something like this... I

I flicked the dog on his nose with the tip of my hoof. 

“Bad dog!” I yelled in a commanding voice and before I could stop myself, “Sit!”

I’m such a genius sometimes...

Now, I know what you’re thinking. That I’m a huge idiot and I’m SO dead right now. But I’m not. So sit back down and take a sip of that delicious beverage you keep nearby and relax. Or, ya know, you can go get a snack and come back... I’ll be waiting.

No, seriously, go ahead, I’ll be here.

Back?

Okay.

Cojack, who was a very big and mean looking dog, stopped snarling and retreated almost instantly. I sat up and stared at him for a second before he sat his scared heiney down.

Huh... Well, that’s much better!

As I climbed back onto my hooves, I stared at Cojack curiously. The fact he sat at my command showed some sort of training... And hearing it from a little quadruped probably scared the hell out of him. I’d be scared too if a crazy little pony was yelling at me.

“Lay down.” I said cautiously and pointed a hoof to the floor, seeing if my command over canines would last.

He did lay down, to my surprise. He stared back up at me as if he were waiting for another command. 

“Good boy... Cojack.” I mumbled and rubbed his head. He replied with a loud happy bark which brought a smile to my face. Here I was expecting to get into a mad dash for survival against a dog of all things, but this turnout was a lot nicer. The moment of peace I held as I pet the massive dog and he rubbed his head against my hoof was something I planned on keeping in the old memory vault for months to come.

Minutes flew by as I sat in the back of a bouncing animal control van, petting and befriending the large dog. My mind wasn’t where it should be and I couldn’t have been more off topic at the time. I probably should’ve spent more time finding out where I was, and not teaching a dog how to give high-fives... Oh well. 

The van screeched to a halt and the engine cut off. My heart lurched forward and I quickly ushered Cojack back into his kennel before anything else. I jumped back into mine and locked the cage shut with magic. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but I was afraid. Ready to fight as well, but also very afraid.

“Got the new PAPA guard dog?” A voice outside of the backdoor said, sounding greedily happy to be there. 

“Yeah, and the you-know-what.” Said another male voice. The jingling of keys could be heard and the door was flung open. Light flooded in and blinded me...


^v^v^v^

Five Hours Ago...

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit...” Payton paced around in circles, glancing at the one thing that had ruined his shift at work. A pony in the back with the sweaters! A pony of all things! His mind was racing and he was rubbing his temples, trying to think of a solution. He didn’t want to be a part of this epidemic that was sweeping across the world. It’s bad enough that he works for a pony!

“Okay... Stay cool. Just...” He reached into his pocket and looked at his phone. He had connections that would make this go away. Make the little white, blue and green eyed pony go away.

Several numbers were dialed and he took in a breath. “I found one.” He says quietly, whispering to the silent listener on the phone. “You know where I am... Just get it out of here.” He hung up and closed the door to his delivery van, leaving the pony locked inside. 

Not even an hour later, a large man dressed in all black and wearing tinted shades came around. He arrived in an old Cadillac, but Payton wasn’t very interested in what the man was driving. He was more interested in the empty burlap sack he was carrying with him.

“Payton Gilligan.” He said in a monotone voice. “Your services for the PAPA are greatly appreciated.”

No more than five minutes later, Payton watched as the man stuffed the limp and unmoving pony into the bag. There was a pang of guilt in his chest as he saw her face with a few strands of purple with gold-highlighted hair fall over her closed eyes. He shoved it away and waited for the man to leave. 

Payton thought he had made the right choice in doing so. The pony couldn’t have been someone important. No way in hell. She was just a white pony with green and blue eyes, purple and gold hair and she had a horn. Didn’t sound like anyone important to him, so he finally felt satisfied as the car drove away. With the pony. Out of his life. 

v^v^v^v

 My eyes shot open and I gasped for air. The last thing I could recall from the animal control van was getting shot... By a gun. But I’m still alive! Yeah! Eat that, Cosmos! You just can’t kill me!

As I moved to sit up and congratulate myself, I found my hooves being stuck together... Someone had hog-tied me! And I hate to say this, but this isn’t the first time it has happened.. To make it worse, I was laying on a cold bed of concrete...

I grunted and moved my limbs, hoping to find some slack in the ropes that were digging into my hooves. To no avail, I was getting a little angry... Then I mentally face palmed. I’m a unicorn! I’ve got telekinesis for a reason!

The ropes slid off my hooves with ease after I pulled the knot out. I sat up and looked around. Wherever I was, it wasn’t any better than any of the other places I’ve been... For one, this place actually had big iron bars keeping me in a cell! Well, this sucks.

I took a look to my left and met the stare of a mare in the cell with me. She looked so surprised to see me. Hell, I was surprised to see her. I opened my mouth to say something, but just as I did, she looked as though she were going speak... And being the polite pony that I am, I waited for her to say something. Yet she paused just as I did. 

This shit’s getting real annoying.

“Okay, if you’re gonna say something just say it.” The words left my lips and I found myself shocked to realize that the mare I was staring at? Wasn’t another mare. It was my reflection in a mirror. I hadn’t even recognized myself...

My mane, which I could’ve sworn was curly and completely purple at one point in time was now straightened out and highlighted gold. My eyes, oh, it’s my eyes that really caught me off guard. On my right was a perfectly normal sapphire blue eye. On the left was a dark emerald green one. You can imagine my surprise.

I was well aware that I was the combination of two minds. Rarity and Tony. I was... Raritony, I supposed you could say... But I was expecting to be in the intact body of Rarity Belle! Not this mish-mash of colors!

Although... I can’t say I don’t like the colors. It’s like I’m a completely different pony! 

Which I am...

I tear my view from the mirror and stare at the bars in thought. I don’t look like Rarity... I smile and manipulate my mane into a shambled together bun on my head and take off my hoodie. I then tie it around my shoulders, completing my transformation...

Look out world. Here comes... Gold Belle. That sounds right. Right? No... That’s a bit lame... Nevermind. Just call me Raritony.

> And Into The Oven
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t know if you all know this, but I’m a very impatient pony. So impatient that I will pace back and forth, to and fro, just waiting for something to happen. Perhaps it’s the edging damsel in distress state of mind that paused my streak of mind-blowingly outrageous stunts and actions. This just isn’t fair! I thought to myself as I sat down and tried to look for some source of interaction. Another pony, a guard, or even a little bug that might’ve crawled across the cold cement in the search of warmth. (I would’ve named him Party Bug and celebrated a fake birthday if I had found one); but no, the never ending and aggravating silence bore on for what felt like hours. 

I took to dragging my hoof across the thick iron bars that kept me pinned inside my cell until my foreleg hurt. The dull clinking of metal did little to ease my mind. In retrospect, I should’ve known that this was a futile attempt to bring attention to myself, as no one (or pony) came through to visit me. Lovely, I thought to myself as I had started to subconsciously monologue to myself-

Oh, dear, this loneliness is such a drag. Maybe I can make some noise. Shout a little. Perhaps even put on a little talent show and invite all of my kidnappers to watch as I sing my heart out to the uncaring crowds of those whom stole my chances at helping the world. “Listen to me sing!” I would shout through the impenetrable walls of stone and concrete! I would sing with my very soul - my weapon of mass destruction - and break through the walls of oppression to bask in the glorious sunlight of the unknown future that awaits me! I would escape, to live and to fight, to search the world for that of which makes me, me. 

-and it went on and on until I drew up a blank. Until my brain hurt and I just started drawing invisible pictures on the floor with my hooves. I was an artist now. I was Picasso. Da Vinci.

“A little shading here-” I would mumble as I rubbed my hoof over the cheeks of an unseen smiling boy on a tricycle. “-and some blush over there...”

Yet I wasn’t satisfied. I could be whatever I wanted. A florist, seamstress, or even a damn boxer, but I couldn’t calm down! The storm of hate tore through me and I felt caged - because I was! I wanted out. This darkness and silence was driving mad. Insane, even.

So I screamed. 

I screamed until my throat was raw and I kept screaming! I bashed my hooves against the mirror in my cell and it shattered into hundreds of little sparkling shards. I bucked at nothing and everything until I was a breathless mess. Even then, I chewed through the blanket of fatigue and fought on to destroy the imaginary monster that put me in this cage. 

Not even the opening of my cell door calmed me. I thrashed around even as a nylon noose slipped around my neck and choked the oxygen from my lungs. I burned for freedom and now someone was trying to put a leash on me. Talk about irony.

“Put her with the other unruly ones,” a voice barked at the figure whom thought he could walk me like a show dog to another cell. This only enticed more anger and rebellion as I growled and thrashed more and more as I was torn from my cage. 

“She’s going insane,” my ‘walker’ said like the coward he was, as he dragged me down the endless halls. The fear in his voice was undeniable and it fueled me. He had every reason in the world to be afraid of me. If for only a second I could be free, this piss-pants little bitchcake would be de-

“Stop squirming!” He yelled at me and jerked me aside so that my hooves fell from under me and I skid across the smooth flooring. He held me at a distance as I got back up on my hooves. His face was even more fear-filled than his voice.

Maybe he’s too used to dealing with pushovers, I thought to myself, which brought about a small chuckle in my throat. 

I turned and glared at the man wearing black, the man who was treating me like a wild animal, so I was acting like one. A pistol was holstered on his side and I smiled at him. I smiled a big mean and cruel smile that the Joker would’ve been proud of. My forehead grow hot and a soft blue and green light filled the hallway. “Why don’t you make me?”

The condensing energy around my horn grew with my anger and the man’s face was shadowed by the light. The power! I laughed in my head as the ball of energy built up until it reached the size of a baseball. 

“Put her down!” Someone shouted, breaking through the veil of madness that surrounded me. A pinch, sharp and intense shot into my flank. It broke my focus and the magic dissipated into the air. I looked at my flank, expecting to see a bullet lodged firmly into my rear end. 

I could almost hear myself crying and screaming as blood would pool around my white coat. It’d be agonizing and unbearable. I’d wish for death to blot out my consciousness and welcome the thought of withering away into nothing...

But that wouldn’t happen until I looked at the wound, right?

Damn. 

I turned and looked at my flank, expecting myself to be dirtied with crimson. How would I deal with it? What would I do? It’s like I was hopped up on speed. I couldn’t stop thinking!

I sat down and plucked a purple feathered dart from my flank... “What the hell, man?” I said as my voice suddenly felt so heavy that I couldn’t speak. Lead replaced my bones and I slumped over... “Screw you guys... I wanna go home...”

I miss Ellie... And Sweetie Belle.... 

v^v^v^v

In the following minutes, or even hours, I felt myself being dragged down the hall. I was stuck between the boundaries of being awake and unconscious. I could hear every click, and pit-pat of rubber-soled boots on the floor. Even the opening of another cell door as I was thrown into cold and lifeless room... Except, I collided with bodies when I landed. I would’ve thanked and apologized whomever I landed on, but I couldn’t even open my eyes at the moment.

“Oh no, they got another...”

“We’re all gonna die.”

“We can’t give up yet...”

Voices, high and squeaky with fear. Ponies. Ponies! I thought to myself. There has to be a way! I grit my teeth and tried standing, but my hooves were numb and locked in place. Against my own will, however, I felt myself being lifted up onto my haunches - wings, hooves, and possibly the warmth of magic must’ve been what pulled me up. Ponies that I didn’t even know, despite the grip of depression that lingered here, they helped me up. 

As my eyes opened I was greeted with the many faces of different coloured ponies. I didn’t know any of them, but their scared and worried faces seemed to peer into my very soul. There was at least eight of them.

“Are you okay?” A blue-ish earth pony mare asked me quietly. “Can you tell me your name?” Her words started to sink in, but it was like she was talking through a foot of glass. My head started to droop and my eyes were about to follow.

“Stay with me, girl,” the mare said and clapped her hooves together, trying to keep my attention.

Whatever I was shot with was pulling me down and I couldn’t form the words in my throat. Whatever I wanted to say came out as blurred and slurred fragments. I shook myself several times, trying to shrug off the fatigue and eventually, through sheer willpower, I was able to keep my eyes open.

“C’mon, sweetie. What’s your name?” She asked once more. Her brown eyes were unbelievably dark and smooth, and her orange mane fell just over the top of her neck. 

“I think she might’ve hit her head.” Some pony said behind her. 

“What if she’s brain damaged?”

What if you’re brain damaged, you ignorant shit-head? I got shot in the flank with something...

“Just leave her be, Crystal. She can’t help us.”

The mare trying to bring me back to my senses sighs and sets her hoof on my shoulder. “Shut up, Caleb... She’s just like us.”

“Wild,” a pony said in agreement.

“Brave?” Another suggested.

“Insane,” another mutters.

The mare shook her head and the feeling in my hooves started to return. “Determined. If she’s here with us, then she’s too wily to be cooped up for long.”

The ponies began muttering amongst themselves, talking about escape, others cowering and quivering in fear that they wouldn’t see the light of day ever again. Nay, the burning inside my stomach returned furiously and I pulled at the cuffs keeping my hooves together. They didn’t budge, but it felt good to fight again - to feel the burn.

I sucked in a breath again.

“My name is Rari...” I started coughing - the air in here was thick with dust and it was hard to breathe. “Rarity Belle.” I shook my head, trying to clear the fog from my mind. My name isn’t just... “Rari...Tony. Belle. King...” I sat there, rubbing my head.

I let it out and a collective gasp fell over the mixed group of bound and cuffed ponies. They began mumbling about me:

“Is that really her?”

“It can’t be...”

“The element of generosity?”

I stamped my two front hooves down, and they fell silent. I got a good look at all of them. Earth ponies, pegasai, and unicorns. “Yes, that pony.” I said as soon as I felt that I could keep my brain from falling apart at the seams, and cracked my neck, then my heftlocks. I began untying the hoodie from around my neck with my telekinetic grasp, then draped the it over an unconscious pegasus who was shivering profusely. The element of generosity hung from the golden circlet that hugged my neck. The purple gem shimmered as the dim light caught its’ surface. 

My presence was much more inspiring than I expected. I’m not Rainbow Dash, or even Applejack, but the faces on the small group of ponies around me grew intense with the rising tempo their chant.

A cry for revenge, freedom, and for the taste of sunlight ripped through the small group of rough and rowdy ponies truly showed who they were. Not animals, waiting to be killed in a cage. Ponies united for a common goal... It was a beautiful sight to behold.

My eyes searched the small crowd for their faces. I saw the different colors, yes, I’ll admit it. But what I really saw was that... We weren’t different at all. No, we were all ponies. Betrayed. Forgotten. Abandoned. In this cement prison, we’re all brothers and sisters. There was no line that divided us. No matter of wings or horns. 

This is what it feels like to belong. I breathed in the thick, dusty air and collected my senses. 

“Now, dearies,” I said politely. “Let’s put on a show.”

The plan hatched inside my mind faster than I expected it to. It was a rather simple, but obviously rough-and-tumble idea. Simply put, one of us would fake an injury. Moan, cry, and other seemingly self-harming things to draw attention. We wait for a brainless guard to come over... Then we jump him. Nick the keys, get out of here, and spring as many ponies as we can on our way out. 

I’m brilliant.
> Viva La Revolucion!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Tick, tick, tick - damn, seconds just don’t pass by fast enough. Here I was ready to get up and throw a brick through a window from all of the hype from earlier, but now I’d stop and stare at the chains connecting my hooves to another pony’s and just sit there, counting the seconds as they tick by. The adrenaline of the former revolution speech faded and I was left in a shell. An empty, hollow and thoughtless shell. It’s almost enough to drive me insane - but the lifeline pulling me back to the welcome world of sanity was the gentle brown hoof set against my shoulder. Nameless and anonymous, my idol, my ladder to freedom was a hoof. A hoof without a name

        “Yo, Rares? You okay there, buddy?” 

        I pried my lips apart, as they were stuck together for a brief period by dried saliva, and a sour taste in my mouth uprooted my sense of clarity. Nevertheless, I lifted my head up and smacked my lips. The pony whom called my name was none other than a pinewood brown pegasus who happened to be chained to me with heavy cuffs and scary steel chains. Funny thing is, I don’t even remember being chained to anyone when I came to. Funny how things slip my mind when I’m giving a revolutionary speech.

        I exhaled slowly, letting the stale breath I was holding escape my lungs. “I’m fine, I’m fine.” I said, brushing the question off and looked around at the ponies I was imprisoned with. Sure enough, each of them looked back at me as I glanced at them. Sparkling eyes of fire, waiting to be fueled. Then I looked to the fellow I was directly linked to. His name was lost to me, but I felt a strong unbreakable bond form between us. It could’ve been the steel links that kept us from moving more than five feet from each other, but the optimist in me felt as if he were a bigger brother, pulling me up off the concrete as if I had fallen and scraped my knee. 

        I’ve always wanted an older brother. 

        “Hang in there, okay? We’re gonna be just fine.” I hung onto every word that jumped out of his throat and hearing his voice was like flint against steel in my chest. “Just get us out of here and the first milkshakes are on me.” He smiled and the humor is his voice was so unprecedented that I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. As humorous as he was, his presence was the real moving factor that caused my cheeks to pull up and my mouth peeled into a small grin. 

        “Alright,” I nodded and took in a deep, cold breath. To be truthful he had an annoying air to him, but in a way that was welcome and brought about a sense of safety. Again, I felt that brotherly bond between us. The bleak situation was heated by the idea of escape, and yet he was here had the gall to try and make me smile.

His hoof pat against my shoulder and for a moment, I felt like I was made of glass - again a hollow shell, on the verge of breaking. I could almost hear the shallow dnk dnk dnk of a child tapping on the glass of an aquarium. It was the feeling of emptiness that cut away the smile on my face and formed a cold lump in my chest. He noticed it too, and presses a his opposite hoof under my chin, bringing my eyes to his. “Look at me... If you’ve got the stones to man up and yell for freedom and get thrown in here with us, then you’ve sure as hell got the strength to stand up and stop moping.” His tone was all too jeering and he shoved me lightly.

And just like that, the fire was stoked again. All I needed was a little push. No matter of adrenaline crash or depression would keep me down. A strong ally was all I needed, and I found one. Here in the cold recesses of wherever-the-hell-we-are, I found my fire and fed it.

“You’re right,” I said, taking in another deep refreshing breath and really let the grin of cockiness I deserved flood over my features. My hooves pulled the cuffs taught and the muscles from neck to flank tightened. I released the tension and the breath I held. “I feel a truck-load better. Thanks for the pep talk..” I glanced back up at him and he sat there, smiling smugly. ”I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch your name.”

His brown face was suddenly shot with a shade of red. “Oh! Um...  It’s Jukebox,” he glanced behind him, looking at his right flank where an old fashioned cafe style jukebox was colored onto his fur. “Or... Sophie if you... Umm...” He chuckled and tried to rub the back of his neck, but his chained hooves proved to make that difficult. “Don’t ask... It’s really complicated.”

Complicated? Oh please. He/she doesn't know the beginning of it.

“Darling, please,” I drawled, making sure there was plenty of extension on the vowels. “If anything, I know precisely what you mean.” I was about to start counting off my misadventures, but instead I simply wore an understanding smile and pat Jukebox’s shoulder much like he done mine. “After all, with all of this human to pony nonsense going on, I’m more than aware of the ludicrous things that have happened to our minds.”

“Yeah, maybe you are.” He chuckled and stared at the floor. Just then, Jukebox’s grin really shined in the dim light of the cell. His vibrant orange and brown eyes (one was orange, the other brown. Really freaky.) really lit up his features. In truth, I saw a part of me in him. Perhaps the joking and not-so-serious side that was melted together with my diva bits. Even so, his presence was just uplifting and I couldn’t keep myself from pulling my cheeks up and smiling. He glanced back up at me and really smiled. “So what’s your deal? Who got all mashed up to make the glittery mess I’m looking at?”

I hrrumphed and stuck my nose in the air. “I’ll have you know that the fabulous and utterly gorgeous Rarity Belle and a handsome young boxer brony, who happens to be a clown, have created the beauty that sits before you.” I flipped my purple and gold mane behind my shoulder for the added effect of being fabulous. (Because I am.)

He started chuckling. CHUCKLING. “Yeah, you sure look like a clown, I’ll give you that.”

I crossed my hooves and stared at him blatantly. Mental note: Smack this motherfucker into next threesday. 

Finally, after a few agonizing minutes of his laughter, he slowed down and wiped a tear from his. “So... Uh, what’s your name? Rarity? Bobo The Clo-”

I raised a hoof threateningly at him and he cringed backwards and held his hooves over his face, fearing the marshmallow white hoof that nearly caught him one on the nose. “I swear if you don’t cut that out I will smack the stupid out of you!” 

“Joking! Joking!” He squeaked, now knowing that he is not safe when around me.

I stuck my nose in the air. “Hmpf. That’s what I thought.”

“About that name..?”

“Rarity, or you can call me Tony when you clean up your act, young lady. Otherwise, you can call me Raritony for the time being.”

As soon as I finished, he started giggling and snickering again. My tolerance for him was running thin already. “Raritony? What kind of name is that?” His barrage of laughter was burning me up and my nose and cheeks felt hot.

“It’s my name, buster and it’s who I am.”

Jukebox continued giggle like a total dunce for a moment before his laughter died down into small quickened breaths, before he coughed and cleared his throat. “Erhm... Sorry. Just... Seriously? Rari-tony? What is that? Greek?”

“It’s Rarity and Tony put together, you dufus.” I poked his nose to prove a point. He was wrong for laughing at my beautiful name and he should know it. “And no, it’s French. It’s called a portmanteau.” 

“Port man who?”

“Port-man-too!” I tried to clarify the pronunciation to him, but it just wasn’t getting through.

“Yeah, okay, whatever. What’s your favorite flavour of ice cream?”

“What?”

“Did I stutter? What’s your favorite flavour of ice cream?”


v^v^v^v


I’m not going to bore you with all of the details... But Jukebox and I, after I redeemed him of being a total dick, talked for at least half an hour, blabbering about random things that came to mind. That included and was not limited to: Colors, animals, sodas, video games, hair care products, and most of all, ice cream.

Now came the moment that made everyone’s hairs stand on end. 

A door from down the hall slid open, creaking loudly on rusted hinges.

“Heeey, it’s that guy who comes to feed us,” said one of the mares in the cell with me. Crystal, I think her name was. I glanced at her and she nodded back. The plan was about to kick into action and my blood was starting to boil. It felt good to be mad again.

“Eat up, ya stupid shit,” said the guard, just down the hall as he tossed something into the cell of a pony whom I couldn’t see. I’d imagine they’d be hungry after sitting in here in the dark, cold, and musty cells for a few hours. He walked on, passing the cells and throwing stuff into them.

Then I glanced back at my comrades. They stood in attention, looking to me for instructions. I smiled back at them and nodded. “When he comes this way, I’m going to take a fall - faking a broken leg. When he comes in to take a look, I need somepony to man up and kick this guy in the side of his head as hard as you can. Okay?”

Faces of uncertainty hit the crowd and I grit my teeth. Were they capable of pulling through? Can I rely on them to do this for me? I didn’t know, but I glanced at Jukebox and he sat there, grinning smugly. “Let’s get it on,” he whispered, cracking his heftlocks. 

Now that’s what I want to see.

“Alright, get re-”

Suddenly, the loud footsteps of the guard were right behind me. A cold chill ran up my spine. “Eat up, shit heads,” he muttered and threw a few heads of lettuce and small loaves of bread into the cell - one of which bumped me on the back of my head. And only then did I realize I didn’t have enough time to pull off my plan. There would be no faked injuries. It’d be too obvious...

Think... Think... Think!

        I felt like I was moving through molasses as I glanced back at Jukebox. His face was covered in confusion, until it contorted into pain. His head jerked aside and I saw a spray of saliva and possibly blood hit the wall. He held his cheek and looked up at me. His eyes grew watery. “Why..?” He mouthed, before his head jerked again...

Because I hit him again.

“You think you’re such hot shit because you’ve got wings, huh? Not anymore, bitchcake!” I growled, nearly jumping on him and pressed the chains between my hooves against his neck. Tears gathered around his eyes as he tried to stop me. I’m so sorry... Please forgive me. I’m sorry! The bulge of his adam’s apple fell under the chain as I gingerly applied pressure to his windpipe. The panic in his eyes made me want to break down crying and beg for him to forgive me.

“Shit!” The guard finally yelled, after realizing that I was on the verge of killing the pegasus I was chained to. I could hear him click on a walkie talkie. “Gibson? Gibson?! We’ve got a problem, man!”

The static-filled voice on the walkie-talkie kicked in. “What’s the matter?”

“One of the prisoners is about to kill one of its cellmates? The hell do I do?”

“Separate them, dumbass! We need those bastards alive!”

The cell door flung open, the old iron squeaking as it grinded against the railing keeping it in place. Heavy footsteps thundered toward me, and I pulled my hooves away, now turning to face the approaching guard. He held a taser in one hand and a key ring in the other. “Get the hell on the floor right now!” He shouted, the taser shaking violently in his hand. 

My eyes glanced at the other ponies in my cell. 

They all cowered in corners. 

Great... Just when I need you most. 

I stood there, staring the guard down. The thick black security armor on his body would prove to be hard to get through... So, I opened my mouth to spit out an insult. “The hell are you loo-”

        Before I couldn’t finish my sentence, my body went stiff and I felt a sudden surge of... Something hit me like a truck. I fell over, my limbs spasming as I lost control of them. Paralyzed, I couldn’t help myself but let out a pained groan. Only a few pain filled seconds, I soon realized I had just been tased... Let me tell you this, it’s not fun. Don’t do it.

“I told you to get down! Look what you made me do!” He shouted, nearly screaming in my face. His greasy, ugly, zit ridden face on a few feet from mine. If I could just throw a good buck...

Then it happened - the point of no return - a pair of brown hooves connected into his jaw and he went out like a Christmas light in the middle of October. He just slumped over onto the ground. It was equal parts beautiful and horrifying. In fact, there was little I could say about the situation given that I was just now recovering from an agonizing electric shock. Despite the odds, I managed to shakily stand up onto my hooves. Then I proceeded to yank the two metal prods stuck in my coat.  As painful as it was, I still couldn’t help but feel horrible for hitting Jukebox like that...

“How about a warning next time, huh?” Jukebox spat on the ground. A slight bit of crimson mixed in with the clearish saliva.

I groaned, rubbing the spot where I was struck. “Get over it, ya freakin’ hussy. I just got tased.” 

There was a small giggle from the ponies who were supposed to help me in this whole ordeal, and I didn’t find it funny. It hurt. However, I grabbed the keyring from the unconscious guard and tried several of the keys in the links connecting me to Jukebox. Another chill ran down my spine when I realized that none of them fit. Well that figures.

I looked up at the others in the cell. “Well people. I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” I said as I trotted past the KO’d guard, heading for the open door with Jukebox in tow. “These keys don’t unlock our cuffs.” I looked down at the cells. Solitary ponies were pressing their faces against the bars with pleading expressions. “But I think I know what they DO open.”

        I smirked and stepped into the long hallway with the other ponies following behind me. The sense of adventure and revenge flooded into me, and surprisingly, the element of generosity that hung around my neck shimmered and flashed away in a short burst of purple light. It was blindingly so, but after the light subsided, I felt a warmth around my face. To my surprise, I found that the element of Generosity had disappeared, leaving an ivory white and gold scarf in its place, wrapped around my face and neck. I feel like a ninja...

With my impromptu plan working better than I expected and the sudden gain of an awesome scarf, I hurried to release the other ponies from their imprisonment. One after the other, I swung cells open, bringing them into the gathering group which I decided to dub, “The Herd”. I was greeted with endless thank-yous and ponies apparently being indebted to me after I swung the cells open. As I neared the farthest away cell, I peered inside of it.

A blue earth pony sat in there, back against the bars. He was saying something, but I only caught the last bit. “...I’ll let you know,” was all I got, and as The Herd and I approached, he craned his neck to look at me. A sudden redness flooded over the bridge of his muzzle and cheeks. It was both incredibly cute and yet horribly awkward. I was supposed to be saving his ass. Not staring at it. (WHICH I WASN’T!)

“Hey, big guy. Ready to go?” I said to him, my voice slightly muffled by the scarf firmly wrapped around my face as I jingled the keyring in a blue-green telekinetic grip.

He stutters for a moment, "B-Big Guy? What're you...?" His grey eyes focus for a moment at the reddening of his own face. He looks a bit cross at something, but shakes his head and the blush lessens. "Oh, you mean me...” There’s a short silence between us, and he finally says, “To answer your question: Totally.”

I took a moment to make sure I selected the right key for the cell (they were numbered) and after clicking the lock open, I threw the door open, really feeling like a leader - a savior even. “Well, darling. Let’s not waste anymore time and get the hell out of here.” 

He smirked, peeling the corner of his mouth into a grin. “You don’t have to tell me twice,”

I took the keys with me after he left the cell and joined The Herd, near the front with me. “The door to freedom’s just down the hall, ponies!” I shouted in victory, trotting at a steady pace down the hall. My heart was beating louder than the march of the thundering hooves that hit the floor in unison.

The stallion whom I just freed kept his pace with me, trotting alongside me on my right. “You know, after we get out of here, if I ever see another door again, it’ll be too soon!” 

His words fell on my deaf ears as we gained speed to the door, and it was Jukebox who replied to the Earth pony.

“Don’t worry, pal,” he said, reassuringly. “At this rate, I’m sure she’ll just bust down anything in our way.” His humor was dry, but I kept moving.

I could faintly hear the Earth pony chuckle, but I didn’t pay as much attention to him as I should’ve. I heard his voice though - strong and determined. “That sounds like my kind of plan!” I was beginning to like this guy. 

After what felt like an eternity, we finally reached the door at the end of the hall. I was about to reach up and grab a doorknob, or a push bar or some sort, but the shocking realization hit me, that the door didn’t have a doorknob... Or a push bar. It was a solid metal door. A small gasp lept from my throat and I could hear the sudden spread of panic swarm the ponies following me.

“Not this again!”

“Of course! It’s deadbolted!”

“What do you we do?!”

The panicked voices and faces made me feel sick to my stomach, and I summoned up as much rage as I could. I faced the door and banged my hooves against it, turned around and bucked at it, even, but it didn’t budge. Not even a damn dent!

My breathing quickened as I faced the door. I started pacing, searching for a loophole of some sort. The crying ponies broke my heart and I owed it to them to get them to safety. To see sunlight again. 

“No... No! It’s not ending like this!” I looked at the side of the hall and saw a pile of discarded metal wall panels. It was about three feet wide and two feet long. I knew it wasn’t thick enough to stop a bullet, but another plan hatched in my mind. “Unicorns!” I shouted, searching the crowd. “Up front! We’re getting these PAPA bastard’s attention and pulling a 300!” I pointed to the first pony I turned to - the blue earth pony from earlier. “Go get me the walkie talkie from that knocked out guard in the back.”

Without a word, or even a salute, he dashed away, making his way through the sea of ponies. What a nice guy.

Seconds, now vital to our plan, and even survival, flew back as I lined the unicorns up after they grabbed a piece of the metal plating. “Stick close together!” I shouted, as my whole body was shaking with anticipation, fear, and adrenaline. “No gaps! I’m not letting any of you get sho-” I stopped my commands for a moment to turn to the pony who brought back the walkie talkie. “-Oh, why thank you, darling.”

“No prob,” he says quickly, and looked like he was going to stay up in the front, but soon fell back into the the masses of The Herd.

Now my heart was really beating a mile a minute.  I held the sheet of metal out in front of me, standing with the other unicorns who did the same. The walkie talkie floated just near my cheek. I let out a slow breath and looked back at the ponies behind me. “You all ready?! Shit’s about to hit the fan!”

A loud cheer was their response.

I grin and flick on the walkie-talkie. A silence falls over the group and I inhale. “Hey Gibby?” I said, trying to be as snide as possible.

“Oh shit,” the static-filled voice replied.

“Would you send someone down for room service? My friends and I are rather hungry.”

Rustling over the walkie-talkie begins and it sounds like my new friend was scrambling to find something. Communication was soon cut off and I tossed the walkie-talkie aside. 

“We’re about to have company, dearies. Let’s show them what we’ve got!”

Bring it on.
> Necessary Roughness
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

        You know what that cold tile under my hooves felt like? Slick, freezing, and solid ice. I felt like I was going to slip and fall on my face, right in front of the other ponies and drag Jukebox with me. Everyone else would trip over me and fall. We’d all fall. Dominos, sand in an hourglass, whatever your preferred metaphor is... Right there, I knew full well that if I fail, if I surrender... I’d drag everyone down with me. I don’t know if you know this, but my... “Other half” is - was a very persistent and hard headed lad. I wanted to make him proud, I wanted to make my fellow ponies proud, and like hell was I going to lay down and give up! This one’s for all the chips. Bring it!

        Clang! The unicorn next me, the field of magic surrounding the makeshift shield, it disappeared and she let the sheet of metal fall to the floor. She was shaking. Her eyes were glued to dead bolted door down the hall. Her breaths, quick and raspy - it’s as if she were hyperventilating... Wait, I think she is!

        “Get ahold of yourself!” I said, and hooked a hoof around the unicorn’s neck and pulled her over to me. It was much more abrasive than I had meant, but... “Look at me!”

        Her amber eyes were dilated, and everything else about her screamed she was mortified.

        “I know you’re scared,” I said, and brought her close to my chest. She was sobbing, and I held her for a moment. In that moment I looked back to the four rows of ponies waiting behind us. Some, ready for whatever for whatever awaits us, others uneasy like before. “We all are.” I looked back to her, she looked up at me with watery eyes. “Be strong for me. Be strong for you!” I pointed a hoof at the ponies in line. “Be strong for them!”

        “I- I can’t-”

        “Bullshit you can’t!”

        “But-”

“No! No excuses! I’m not having any weaknesses in my front line! If you can’t handle the pressure, then switch places with somepony who can! Otherwise... Well, I guess I’ll just have to leave you behind.”

“Y-You wouldn’t…!” Her voice cracked, and I saw through the split ends and stray hairs on her mane for a moment. Her mane was messily put up in a bun, one that once probably looked elegant with her amber eyes and curled eyelashes. Her coat was painted with a few spots of brown that contrasted against its natural candy apple red. She might’ve been pretty at some point. But now, she was like, like the rest of these ponies who hungered for fresh air. Dirty, scuffed, and scared.

"I've been chased, bit, tackled, squeezed and had my face stuffed in far too many pairs of breasts. If you think for one second that I'm going to let these slack-jawed shit-stains tie me down, with the rest of these ponies and make me their marshmallow bitch, you, madam, are horribly mistaken.” I felt the tendrils of magic emanating from my horn pull the fallen piece of metal up in place of who wouldn’t stand up.

KACHUNK!

By the sound of the deadbolt being nearly torn off the other side of the door, it felt like this was the real, “nut up, or shut up,” moment that I would remember for years to come. 

The whir of magic pulling the other sheet of metal nearly threw me off balance. I glanced to my right to see the piss-pants unicorn who was just on the verge of a breakdown put on a game face that would’ve made her momma proud.

Now that’s what I want to see, I mentally noted at the sudden gusto of the unicorn next to me.

The squeak and squeal of rubber boots filled the hall, and if I wasn’t paying attention, I would’ve entirely missed the squad of men bearing down on us, the one in front sporting a riot shield! It had hairline cracks and bullet depressions over the majority of it, but it didn’t stop it from posing as a temporary, and I do mean temporary, wall in stopping our escape...

I met the eyes of the shield toting guard and behind a face-mask, I saw the facade of hate itself. The man was chubby behind his uniform and his face unshaven. I had grit my teeth and defiantly raised my sheet of metal in opposition. This means war.

“GAAANGWAAAAYY!!!”

The shout rose up from back near the center of the Herd, and before my very eyes, that blue stallion from before started charging right out through our ranks! As he passed by me, I saw a look of fury in his grey eyes.

He pounced into the air and collided with that fat riot shield cretin hooves first! His strike was so sudden and so unexpected that the guard just toppled over backwards into his slack-jawed buddies! Even I was surprised with the sudden show of bravery. I glanced over my shoulder to see a few of my ponies with faces of shock and disbelief. Sure enough, the trauma must’ve been the same on the PAPA’s side...

“Now that’s what I want to see!” I shouted behind the ivory and gold scarf around my face. I knit my brow and yelled over my shoulder, “what are you waiting for?! He’s going to get creamed if we don’t help!”

No sooner had the words bounded off my lips had I already threw my weight behind the metal panel and charged. Jukebox’s weight and possible reluctance to move slowed me down, but I wasn’t hesitant to give a loud, and possibly girly scream... of war, of course.

I remember being told once that a great defense is a perfect offense. Maybe there’s some wisdom behind that statement, but given my situation, I felt that it was imperative to kick the shit out of the first two-legged fleshy being that stepped in way. Which I did. I pushed and shoved everything I had into the sheet metal, treating it like a battering ram, rather than the intended shield I had thought it would be.

DINK!

I hadn’t realized how high I had held the ‘shield’ when I charged. The metal bent inwards as it made contact with the nose and face of an unlucky guard with a baton raised. For a moment, it was like watching a cartoon. One of his teeth had fallen out, his eyes had went crosseyed, and he slowly tipped over until he collapsed into a heap on the tile.

PA-PA-PANG! PO-PO-PONK!

I dared to spare a glance to my right only to find...Who is this guy?! Now he’s got the riot shield, and he’s using it both to block tranquilizer fire and shove those grunts into each other. At most, it’s disorienting them, but that’s better than nothing. The piling up of unconscious guards was inspiring, and the blue stallion began trampling over them, not before knocking them down like dominoes, of course.

“LOOK OUT!”

Jukebox suddenly pulled me off to one side by the chain just in time to cause another guard’s taser to miss. The nerve! Firing while I was distracted! Not to mention the idea of getting tased again wasn’t exactly on my agenda. I gave a brief nod to Jukebox in thanks before glaring daggers at the man who was fumbling to load a second cartricharge into the stun gun he oh-so nearly hit me with.

Only a few of the men stood conscious in the brutal beating of a breakout, and behind their ranks, I saw the flash of something metallic behind the rag-tag uniforms and tasers.

DIN-ZZZT!

Again, I had found myself staring off in space, and now my attention snapped back to reality, where the unicorn whom I threatened to leave behind, now bracing the metal panel I gave her with the ends of stun-gun electrodes sticking in the opposite side. 

The uppity unicorn, I wish I knew her name, yanked on the panel and jerked the taser out of the man’s hands with a grunt. It clattered to the ground and she twisted to the side, her impromptu shield tilted slightly. 

FOOSH!

And just like that, the thin metal panel ripped through the air with a sudden toss, spinning through the air like a Frisbee. In a moment of needless lust for violence, I was almost hoping the man would get hit with the panel in some vital spot... But, despite these hicks being so inept, he twisted to the side at the last possible second, leaving the panel to fly horizontally by his face. So close...

With a smug look on that smirking face of his, he almost seemed eager to brawl with us barehanded, but then…

WHOOSH! BONK!

He was beaned in the head by a flying riot shield!

“And stay down!” That blue stallion shouted. 

Okay, that tears it, I have got to get his name after this! Nonetheless, I couldn’t help keep a grin off my face, even if it couldn’t be seen. Whoever he is, I’m proud of him. 

“Keep it up! Keep it up!” I shouted, and started to shove by the nameless unicorn. I threw a glance her way, hoping my eyes would show my appreciation for her bravado. 

She beamed with pride. Her eyes were dead set on the task at hand and her jaw was firm with her shiny white teeth braving the awful air of this place.

I was about to take the scarf off my mouth and tell her how I proud I was of her, but some piercing screech shot by my ear, leaving me to jerk to the side out of reaction and tumble to the floor.

Then, nothing. I heard the loud bang, similar to that of the one I heard when I was... ‘helping’ the government with some testing. My ears were ringing, and somewhere, someone was screaming. She fell. Whatever her name was, she collapsed on the floor. Her mouth was moving and tears fell over her cheeks as she was grabbing at something on her leg. I couldn’t hear her. Over the ringing the silence, I was deaf to the world.

I twisted my head to see the last man standing. A short, lean man with a familiar looking piece of smoking metal in his hand. I glanced back to the unicorn.

She was bleeding.

She was shot.

He shot her.

I couldn’t hear my own voice, nor my breathing over the ringing in my head, but I most certainly felt the emerald and sapphire magic pull a tight grip around the discarded riot shield as it slid towards me. 

It.

Is.

ON!

I felt no resistance as I charged at the lone man, with the riot shield outstretched towards him. Jukebox was running with me! A sudden impact against the shield made me jerk in surprise, but I didn’t stop running. I ran until I could see the whites of the auburn haired man’s eyes who shot my newly acquainted comrade. 

And I didn’t stop running when I was right on top of him. I shoved him hard in the chest with the dented and cracked shield until he tripped over his own feet. Even then, I didn’t stop my final assault. I pounced on him, shoving my dirtied hooves into his face, once-

THUMP!

Twice.

THWACK!

And a third time.

Crunch.

And now, he lay unconscious under my hooves, his nose bent in a more than painful looking direction. A small stream of red ran down his face, tracing a line down his cheek. 

At his side was the discarded pistol, silver-gray in all its ‘glory’. As much glory as a tool of death could have, anyway... I knew full well how much damage a firearm could do, and the sudden thought of me having to kill someone in order to defend the others dropped into my mind.

“Whatever it takes,” I whispered and picked up the pistol in my magical aura. It was heavier than I expected, and carried it at neck height, pointing the barrel to the floor. 

The sound of fighting died and I stepped off the dead-weight of a man. I turned and looked at the ponies falling in line, circling the injured unicorn. From what I could see, only a meager few of the ponies sustained any injury, but the blatantly obvious of the bunch was the sole bullet wound that had gathered everyone’s attention.

The ringing had subsided as I could hear my own hooves clip against the floor, nearing the unicorn in question. Despite having a bullet lodged in her leg, she looked surprisingly... Healthy? No, more like... determined. Her face was contorted into an expression of utter pain, but she was focused on her wound. 

Oh that’s not good, I mentally noted and hurriedly trotted to her. I opened my mouth to say something, anything to keep her from having a panic attack, but as I neared her, she raised a hoof in my direction with her eyes squeezed shut and a tight grimace set on her face.

“Stop...” She said, quickly and pained. Her horn grew alit with a soft lilac shimmer. Her once amber eyes, were now a dark shade of blue, and the entirety of her visage was a collection of determination and the will to survive. “Just, back up, let me handle this.” She hissed, clearly pushing back every ounce of pain she’d been holding. The glow formed a small sphere and it dived into the wound. I wanted to say something in protest of her rash actions, but she’d already grabbed ahold of the lead buried in her leg before I could utter a word!

Then, with a deep wince and sharp cry, she yanked that sucker right out!

The bleeding increased immediately, and, for lack of anything else to do, I searched for something, anything I could offer her to help stop the bleeding and dress the wound.

The guard uniforms glanced across my mind and I quickly pulled a one-eighty.

I wasted no time grabbing a handful of the cloth that made up the nearest PAPA member’s shirt and tore it off. Admittedly, I probably should’ve used my magic, but in my haste, I bit the fabric off. It was cheaply made and tore easily, but thread prejudices aside, I galloped back to the nameless unicorn and tightly wrapped the makeshift bandage around her leg. 

She let out a sigh and wobbly stood up. Her eyes met mine and she did something I didn’t expect from her.

She rose a hoof and thumped me in the chest with her hoof and furrowed her brow.

“No one leaves Francine Sarah East behind.” She popped her heftlocks in some pseudo-professional fashion. “This photographer isn’t afraid of getting her hands dirty.”

I couldn’t help but laugh to see the other side of the prissy unicorn I’d had the pleasure of getting to be acquainted with. Her demeanor had changed entirely. She stood up straight, her jaw set firmly, and she looked ready to spring into action at any moment.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, rubbing my chest and smiling. “I’m sure you’ve covered wars or something, but we’ve got to go.”

I was satisfied in my work and didn’t give the gal a moment to respond, I finally was able to take in my surroundings, and I became acutely aware of a long drawn out shuffling coming from the other side of the room.

Following the noise, I found that same stallion off near the door we’d all charged through just now, the door he’d led us through. I peered through the doorway, and there in a heap was one of the unconscious guards we’d just beaten. He was dragging them out of the room!

Of course! We can’t take any chances of them waking up and causing us even more trouble.

Good thinking...whoever you- No! I’m finding out who this guy is, right here and now!

I lifted off the scarf from my face and put it down on my neck. “Hey! Tough guy!” I shouted and started in his direction, dragging Jukebox with me. 

He lifted his head and let out a muffled bit of nonsense in reply through a random oaf’s pant leg.

“I can’t let you go and do all the work,” I joked and grabbed the other leg of the man he’d been dragging with magical assistance. “No, seriously.” My tone grew sharply serious as I looked to him. “Who are you?” 

The stallion let go his hold and got out of the way as my magic carried that particular nuisance out of here.

He sat up and looked me straight in the eyes and said, plain as day.

“Dan. My name is Dan.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Dan. I’m Rarity... Tony... Both.”

He shook his head.

“No, don’t call me ‘Mr. Dan’, that’s just...I don’t know, too formal. Danny’s fine. It’s what everybody else calls me.”

“Well, Danny, I applaud your bravado and willingness to kick the ever living shit out some brainless idiots for the sake and safety of others.” I tossed the unconscious man down on the floor and sat up straight, then gave a flip of my mane for... I honestly don’t know why. Just seemed appropriate.

He smiled. 

“Thanks. I...Gosh. I never thought I’d hear some say that to me before.”

He looked like he was going to walk over, closer to me to talk, but his step faltered.

“Easy there, killer,” I moved up to his side and acted as a living crutch. “Take five, but don’t fall too far behind.” I flashed him a smile and eased away from him. I looked back at the door that had been dead-bolted from our side and a shiver ran down my spine, remembering the pain of being tased, and the maddening feeling of being locked away like an animal. I shut the door, throwing my weight behind my hooves and locked the deadbolt after everypony was out.

The last thing I needed was a panic-attack inducing flashback of being thrown in a cell.

By the time I turned around, Danny had made his way over to one side of the room, away from most of the Herd, and was leaning one foreleg against the wall for support as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Hey, big guy.” I called to him, feeling obligated to help him along, given that he put his life on the line for all of us.

He turned his head to face me, and let out a half-hearted, “Hey.”

My hooves clip-clopped across the tile as I trotted to him once again, and sat down, motioning for him to do the same. “You- uhh... Made me proud, by the way.” I set the borrowed firearm down on my opposite side and sighed. I looked back at him. Surely he understands the mess we’ve been through. “Why don’t you sit down for a moment? If we’re going to escape, I’d prefer that we’re not all exhausted.” I motioned to the locked door adjacent to us. “And I don’t think any of those assholes in there are getting back up anytime soon.”

“Thanks again, Ma’am-”

“Dude, call me Rarity or Tony.” 

After a moment’s confusion, he looked like he was finally coming back to us.

“O-okay. Thanks, Rarity. Sorry about that. Force of habit.”

I gave a shrug and smoothed out the stray hairs in mane. “It’s fine, honestly. I’m just not really... Well, I am used to it, but I’m not.”

“Alright, I guess, so...I- where do you think we are?”

As I opened my mouth to reply, I felt a tug on the chain connecting me to Jukebox. “Probably in the lower floors of wherever-in-hell we are,” he said, completely stealing my thunder...

“No, I mean, where in the country? I took a nap in the back of a Walmart in Texas and woke up here. Does anyone here have a clue where we are?”

“Ohio? Kentucky? Maine?” I started suggesting states that seemed like reasonable distances to have been taken from, but none of them really felt like they were ‘right’. It was like being in the middle of nowhere. Hey, maybe that’s where we are! “I really don’t know...”

A cursory glance at the rest of the Herd told me they knew about the same amount. But now is not the time to lose our momentum!

“Alright ponies!” I proclaimed, and stood up. “I know you’re all tired, but the fight isn’t over yet and I need you all to give everything you’ve got right now.” I spoke, for the first time, in a voice that carried both encouragement and real confidence behind it! This place, this awful hole in the ground won’t be holding me down much longer! I can feel it! “I don’t know what’s waiting for us up those stairs, but are we going to let them put us back in cages?!”

“NO!” the Herd shouted in unison. Good.

“We fight!” I raised a hoof, roaring with the sudden energy and adrenaline filling me. I grabbed the riot shield I had set down after locking the door back to the cell block and raised it too. “We fight!” I roared again, and stomped down, starting a slow gallop towards the staircase.

“FIGHT!”

“Nothing is impossible!” I locked the riot shield in place in front of me, levitating the pistol next to it. 

“YEAH!”

If I looked as ferocious as felt, I’m sure the next PAPA member is going to run home to mama. The ponies behind me salvaged what meager armor, helmets, and weapons from the previously defeated guards and marched along behind me. In this glorious moment, I felt like we could take on the whole of PAPA and any and everything else that stood in my way!

The Element of Generosity shimmered around my neck and the metallic necklace shifted into the soft silky scarf that has grown to accentuate my features well and give me a sense of bottomless courage. I pushed it up around my muzzle and braced for whatever would await us on the floors above.

“Everything is a challenge, and WE WON’T BACK DOWN!” I declared and bucked the door open, breaking the wooden door off its hinges. 

The Herd behind me gave a final loud roar of freedom and their hooves pounded the floor behind me as my legs pushed me further and further up the stairs. At the top waited a bar-lever door, just waiting to be kicked open... And I did. I reared back and kicked it hard, nearly breaking the mechanism that kept it from slamming. 

I entered the alien hall that which I hadn’t been to, at least not consciously anyway. To my right was a black sign with big bold white letters.

PONY PRISONERS.

Hmpf. Not anymore, I thought to myself as the ponies filed out from the depths, filling the hallway. The chains that connected some of the ponies clattered idly as I pondered where we’d go from here. 

“We’ve got incoming,” Jukebox whispered in my ear as he pointed down the hall, where the sound of running stormed in our direction. I pushed my through the swathe of ponies and braced the shield in front of us. The pistol, which I was terrified in the thought of using, heldfast next to the shield and I let out a small sigh. 

Click.

The chamber on the pistol clicked back, showing no rounds of ammunition chambered in the magazine. This sudden realization both frightened me, and calmed me. I tossed it aside and again prepared for the absolute worst of what could possibly be thrown at me now.
 
From around the corner stomped a woman who’d looked like she was a formal officer of the military, but I didn’t trust her. After I’d seen what PAPA was capable of, I was losing my trust of humans on a whole. Despite the bulletproof vest she wore, I was ready to charge her down if need be.

She locked eyes with, and I stared back, letting the visual aggression of my demeanor do the talking. Behind the grit and dirt, I likely looked like an entirely different pony.

“Stephanie Chase! CIA!” She proclaimed, but her voice gave me no solace, nor did it calm me in the slightest. If she was here to rescue us, I think she’s a little late... 

“Show us your identification, dear. I’d rather not be taken hostage by some bullshit vigilante after what we’ve been through.” My voice was a growl at this point, but the identifiable femininity to it was painfully obvious. 

This woman, whoever she is, reached into her vest pocket and tapped the silver shield on her vest. “No vigilantes here, Rarity,” she replied, as if she were going to melt at the sight of me. Whoever she was, she certainly wasn’t convincing me with her outrageous smile set on her face. Despite this, she flashed a very authentic looking badge. Stephanie Chase. 

This is too good to be true.

“I’m here officially, and with Applejack.”

Applejack.

Memories by the bucketful flooded my mind at hearing her name. My dear Southern friend whom I cared so dearly for... She was safe. A wave of relief washed over me as I thought about the others whom might’ve shared a similar journey to what I’ve been through.

She didn’t stop smiling, and she took a few steps closer. “Okay, look, we need to get you guys out of here. Show of hooves who is cuffed...” She jangled a set of keys around her finger.

I gulped and looked back at my ponies. I lowered the shield and sighed again. “Very well... Everypony, be still and let Miss Chase here get you out of your chains.” 

I get a worried glance from Jukebox, but I nod to him and he seems to be reassured by the minor gesture.

The ‘C.I.A’ woman approached us, only because I let her, and began unlocking the chains around our hooves. She glanced at me several times, throwing a smile or two, but I didn’t yet trust her enough to do the same.

“Looking good, folks,” she said, tossing the last of the chains away. “Who’s sharp? I’m going to be at the front of this group, but I need someone who can watch our back.”

“I can do it,” I spoke suddenly and rubbed my freed hooves together anxiously. With everypony now unchained, I’d imagined it’d be easy to move, and since I wasn’t bound to Jukebox any longer, I took the liberty of taking the flank of the group. “I am a fairly recent addition to our merry band of adventurers, so I have a bit more kick left in me.” With a burst of blue light, my scarf reverted to the natural Element of Generosity, swaying below my neck.

“I figure there is no need to keep it hidden any longer,” I mutter, glancing at the gold and purple gem inlaid neck-piece.

“Must… not… fangirl…” The C.I.A woman whispered to herself, adding to the creep factor I had decided to give her. She shook her head and her professional demeanor replaced her previous tone.

“Okay, ponies. You’re gonna follow me. We have to pick up three more and then we’re out of here. Just stay quiet and together and we’ll get out of this just fine.”

Despite the added mobility, the group moves painfully slow as we turn corner after corner of the labyrinthian compound. 



After we’d made a fair bit of headway, I resumed my position at the flank of the Herd in order to keep a sharp eye out for anything that could slow us down.

It was then that I noticed that Francine, the photographer, was moving a bit more sluggishly than the rest of the Herd, all her previous bravado to the contrary, it would seem. I was about to come up alongside her when I saw her turn her head away from me. Over the sound of everypony’s hooves against the floor, I couldn’t make out much, but I did see a familiar shade of blue on the other side of her.

Danny, what’re you doing?

Before I could voice my objection, he ducked his head under her barrel, and lifted her up off the floor and onto his back, mid-gallop.

He didn’t even break his stride.

This “Danny”. I wonder what kind of person he really is. He seems to just keep coming out of nowhere and fixing problems left and right. It’s curious, to say the least, but as interesting as he...It! As interesting as this situation is, I can’t let it distract me too much.

Onwards!. To what I hope is the outside world waiting for me. 

Hoo-fucking-rah.

> Please Stand By...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

        The sound of shuffling hooves down the hall was like the hum of a sewing machine, the sound that caused my thoughts to drift to something to keep me away from reality. A busy mind to stave off the boredom of stitching torn cloth. For the time being, I wasn’t running for my life, no I was watching a happy scene of... Him, and Her. Their names were on the tip of my tongue. Two ponies, one ivory white, the other a lustrous gold. Where ever they were, it was autumn and a row of trees planted down the side of a pathway were barren, their leaves littering the path with various browns and reds. 

        “Memories are such fickle things, aren’t they?” She said to him, smiling as leaves crunched under her hooves. “Sometimes you don’t remember every detail... And make things up to fill in the blanks.”

        And it’s true. A quick panning glance around the area showed the unmistakable Ponyville fairgrounds in the ebbing reaches of winter. It was cold, and plumes of steamy breath sailed on behind the two ponies as they continued on. No stalls or vendors were selling their wares, as there were none in sight to begin with. I could only recall so much of the surrounding traffic filled area, in fact, I couldn’t even remember the ponies who passed through here on a regular basis, even though they were a part of my daily routine, no matter the season...  

        He nodded and stopped to catch a falling stark-red leaf on his golden hoof. “I like it. I’ll never get to go to Ponyville personally, but this is second best.” His smile, genuine, and the happiness of his features glowed with an undeniable sense of elation - one that I felt rise up in my chest the more I looked at him. How he felt, the needles of excitement that pinned over him for every little thing he passed. He blew the leaf off his hoof, letting it drift away into a bank of slowly piling leaves. The placid sense of safety was something I truly envied, and seeing him so happy with her made me jealous... Of myself...

        She... What is her name? Why can’t I remember? The pressing pain of biting my lower lip in frustration pulled across my consciousness as I dug further into a pool of mixed memories in hopes of finding something out that I should already know.

        “It’s Rarity.” 

        “And Tony, don’t forget me!” 

        Their voices, and their names now clear in my mind, smacked me into the sudden revelation that they- No, Rarity and Tony were talking ME! It was already a strong out of body experience, given I was watching them from a disembodied point of view, but watching them turn towards my... No, I can’t say I had a body. I knew I was just trotting behind a group of ponies with my eyes closed... But...
        
        “It’s Rarity...”

        Voices pierced my daydream, but I was hardly paying attention. All I heard was, “Guards, tail, and-

        “Rarity!?”

        I opened my eyes with a gasp and a blur of orange nearly tackled me over with two fuzzy lengths of warmth wrapping around my neck. I could hardly breathe, with my throat tightening as I pushed the weight of daydreaming away. As I did so, I felt my lips curl into a smile and my eyes start to water. 

        I raised my hooves around the familiar shape of a pony I knew as Applejack. Her eyes beamed with excitement, the same excitement and thrill of knowing somepony close to her was alive and near. Applejack’s face had turned a tad bleary as I held onto her tightly for a moment. I wanted to stay there, hugging my dear friend for the rest of time, but knowing the pressing situation at hoof, I let go, and my lips were on auto-pilot, speaking without my consent:

        “Hello, darling! It’s been ages, it really has. But we will have to catch up after we get out of this terribly unbalanced situation.” Even though my mind had drifted, the magical aura tightly holding the shield I had nicked earlier hadn’t faltered, and I raised it to the head of the group, with the commotion of heavy, and unrecognized foot falls trampling down the hall.

        With more focus put into the situation I had realized our escort, Stephanie Chase, was on her back, on the floor and now drawing a gun off her hip I hadn’t noticed before. She rose, the pistol in one hand, and her left out flat, palm towards the floor. Her face tightened, and her brow knitted.

“Down!” She commanded as the foot falls became louder. I disregarded the command and pushed through the crowd of ex-prisoner ponies and hoisted my shield to stop the possibility of gunfire tearing through us.

What came next was a little less frightful.

Turning the corner was a human, lanky, and nearly tripping over himself as he ran. To be as professional as possible, I took in stride that he appeared ‘civilian’, over the expected rag-tag military. However, this was not all that entailed with this encounter. Following closely, on his heels was a sight that nearly made my jaw drop. The face I’ve known as kindness skidded around the corner with an expression of panic laced onto her face. A butter-color coated pegasus with a long pink mane that made my heart skip a beat seeing: Fluttershy.

I was on the verge of saying some smart greeting about reunions and whatnot, but I knew now wasn’t a good time. A few greetings were shortly exchanged, but nothing worth noting, since I had jerked to attention, finally realizing they were being chased.

Wanting to hurt my friends. Not on my watch.

The pursuers’ squeaking boots gave them away as they started to turn the corner. Then the first man chasing them rounded the corner and fell. I hate to describe the following as so, but the magnificent spray of blood that erupted from the man’s chest was... Almost poetic. However, knowing there was little chance of him surviving a shot like that, made my heart drop like a rock. The second man who turned the corner suffered the same fate, collapsing over his brother-in-arm. The third jerked back and the third shot dug into the concrete wall. The echo from the gunshots hurt.

My ears were ringing again, and to be honest, I was getting sick of guns. As a teenaged lad I thought guns were the most fascinating thing to ever be brought into my little world, but now, I don’t want to see another gun for the rest of my life... In fact, no amount of therapy will ever make this okay again.

The third gunman had slipped behind the corner, and Stephanie’s mouth was moving... After a few seconds of ringing, her voice came back into clarity. “...nverging on the premises as we speak. Put down your weapons, surrender, and you will remain unharmed.”

“Oh, now  you negotiate,” Applejack said sarcastically, huddled behind the shield I had propped up for our protection.

“Fuck you lady!” A gruff voice yelled, obviously the shooter’s.

A rifle appeared around the corner and fired off three bullets, which hit the floor, the ceiling and the wall. The enclosed space left my ears ringing, again. 

Silence fell.

Then, a very, very quiet voice said, “Gimme your clip.”

“What? No! I only got two bullets!” whispered another.

Stephanie’s face of concentration faltered for a moment as if she were struggling not to facepalm. Even I found the situation... In some way or another, a bit funny.

“Come on, I got close.”

The men on the ground groaned in more pain.

Stephanie looked at Applejack and jerked her head.

“Screw you! Look at Dan and Dave!”

Stephanie threw a glance towards Applejack and she looked a little more than worried. She starting backing up and looked towards me and nodded. Whatever we were doing, we weren’t going towards the angry men with guns. 

“Come on y’all,” she whispered. “Real quiet like. Follow me.” AJ whispered, passing a few concerned glances towards the herd of ponies, including myself.

“You’re both idiots, I’m calling backup.” Stephanie proclaimed, her stance in holding her pistol that I could almost name... It starts with a ‘W’, but I can’t quite recall what it’s called.

Stephanie fired two more shots at the corner.

“Surrender now!” she said, making a shooing motion at the ponies behind her. “Judges tend to look fairly on men who don’t open fire on federal agents, you know.”

Applejack motioned for Fluttershy and the lanky doctor-looking fellow to join us... Even so, I didn’t like the look of him.

AJ cast one last worried look at Stephanie then motioned with her head, creeping as quietly as she could.

“You’re no federal agent!” The guard’s supposed leader yelled.

“And where did you figure that one out?” Stephanie retorted. “You think I wear bulletproof vests with CIA stenciled on them for fun?”

Applejack began creeping along, leaving Stephanie behind as we started a slow, quiet alternative route for escape.

“Plus, you have two men down. I’m a good shot, but I’m conserving ammo. If someone doesn’t help them soon, they’re going to die very painfully. You want that on your heads?”

I couldn’t hear much else as we went further down the hall, but my heart went out to Stephanie. I’d only knew her for a few moments, but by a greater force’s will, I hope she’s going to be okay...


v^v^v^v


As little as I like to admit it, the simplest way for me to put this is... We ran away and let our local CIA agent handle the tough stuff behind us. I hadn’t even had a moment to give Fluttershy a wave, or a ‘Good evening, daahling’ when I saw her. No, she had joined Applejack and the pharmacistwhateverguy at the front. I opted again to cover the rear of the group, holding the shield of mine up defiantly to imaginary ( and possibly real. given enough time) gunfire.

Nonetheless, we crept along, almost soundlessly. I could hear the inhale and exhale of Applejack’s forced calm breathing, and the soft clip-clop of hooves against tile. This was no longer therapeutic in any sense. No, the dull drumming only sharpened my focus like a well cared for machete... Now I wish I didn’t know what that was like.

The progress was slow, and everyone kept waiting for an alarm to sound, but none did. They eventually got within sight of the facility’s entrance, where AJ halted the group fifty yards from the main door.

“Okay,” she said, turning to face the group, her voice low. “Things’re about to get extra strength hairy here. How’re we holding up?”

“I’m okay, most of our ponies here seem okay too, only one needs medical attention urgently and she is being carried,” ‘Shy whispered, looking more determined than anything else, despite the death they had just left behind.

“Well, I could go for a snack, dear. Or a full spa day. Are there more government agents outside?” I began to shift from leg to leg, hoping this nightmare would be over soon enough that I wouldn’t need to be on my metaphorical toes to stay alive. Even the low biting growl of hunger nipped my nerves, but now wasn’t the time for food... Mmm, pineapple-jalapeno pizza would be great right about now.

Applejack looked from the ponies, then back to the sole human who was accompanying us. “We got a guy out there. He’s, um, he’s keepin’ an eye on your sister while waitin’ for the the cavalry.” AJ looked back to the door. “But we only gotta get past three more guards if we’re gonna get out of here.”

A small smile slipped over my lips at knowing my sister was safe and (hopefully) well.

“And I got an idea how to get past the first door.” Beckoning the four to her she said, “This is gonna be a trick and we’ll have to be ready. Nate, we’re gonna need yer jacket...”


v^v^v^v


This is never going to work. For the love of Celestia, please don’t do this! I’m begging you! You’ll get shot and I’ll never see your eyes filled with life and happiness ever again! Please, Applejack, I’m begging you! I was practically shaking with fear now, with my heart beating out of my chest!

AJ began trotting down another hall with her gaze straight ahead Her face was dumbstruck with faux idiocy. Her plan, to play dumb to trick the guard... And bring him back here for an ambush.

“Moo.” I heard her blurt, presumably staring into the eyes of a guard with her dumbstruck expression.

“The hell?”

“Moo.”

The guard, he sounded young, snorted and uttered a laugh. “Oh yeah. Right. You’re with…” He swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah. Looks like she lost her pet. Serves her right. She fucked up my gun. You know that? Did some... thing to it and B-ri ain’t giving me a new one. How fucked up is that?”

“Moo,” AJ replied.

“Alright retard horse. Let’s just throw you in prison and if… If that… Lady comes back, she’ll have to get you out herself.” He snorted again. “Like to see her try. Mess her up.”

By the gentle clink of something being grabbed, metal was my guess, was that Applejack had been grabbed by her Element of Honesty, and was being dragged towards us...

“Heh. Y’know. You remind me of my dog back home. He was alright. Miss ‘im, but y’know. Got called. Gotta do the right thing.”

“Moo,” RJ said.

As the guard came to the corner, RJ listed to the side and he glanced down, which meant he missed seeing Nate, the doctor who I was yet to be acquainted with, who threw his coat right over the guard’s face.

        “Hey!”

AJ dropped, sweeping her hind across his, and he hit the floor expelling air. Before the guard could get his wind back, Applejack twisted and dropped her forehead, headbutting him hard. He grunted, shuddered and slumped.

“Sorry, kid. Can’t have you raisin’ an alarm. Rarity, can you pull his belt? I gotta tie him up before he wakes.”

I had been distracted, staring at the kid’s greasy, pimpled face as he lay unconscious on the floor. I glanced towards AJ and gave a little nod, having realized I was needed again. I made short work of undoing the boy’s belt and passing it to AJ to restrain him. She was right, the fewer variables that could impede our escape, the better.

“Nate, he’s got keys on one side and a radio on the other,” AJ said.

Before anyone could act, a squawk came from Greasy’s radio.

“Jimmy? You there? I heard a noise,” came an unfamiliar voice.

This is NOT what we need right now!

AJ’s expression tightened and she picked up the walkie talkie. She looked at us, as if contemplating handing the walkie-talkie over to us to improvise a voice to trick the man on the other line... And I knew she wouldn’t pass it to myself, nor Fluttershy. As much as I’d love to say I have a testosterone edge, that’d be a bold faced lie. I knew one half of me, if he were still here and whole could pull it off with ease, but that’s not how things tend to play out... And Fluttershy? I don’t know what she’s been through, but her soft, delicate voice wouldn’t do the trick.

“Uh… everything’s fine,” AJ said, clutching the radio in her fetlock, depressing the button. She struggled to flatten out her accent and pitch her voice to match Greasy Jimmy. It would take a miracle for this to work... “I just, uh, fell over.”

She scrunched her eyes.

“Fell? Jimmy are you high or something?”

“Nope! No. I’m fine. I’m... all fine here now.” She glanced at Erishy and shrugged. “Uh, motherfucker.”

“Kid, I’m coming over there.”

AJ beat her head with the walkie talkie. “No! No need to do that! Seriously, I’m fine. Fucking fine. Just took a tumble is all.” AJ closed her eyes, and the way she pressed her jaw, she may as well have been betting on the losing side of a horse race.

“Wait. Who’s this? You ain’t Jimmy!”

RJ clicked off the walkie talkie. “Dammit.” Looking up at her friends, she cracked a smile. “Boring conversation anyway. Looks like we’re gonna have company.”

Facing the herd, she tossed Fluttershy the walkie talkie. “Shy, keep an eye on that sick pony and an ear on that radio. You hear folk comin, you let us know.” She pointed at the doctor. “Nate, I need you to hold the back of the herd, make sure we don’t lose anypony. Y’all mind the doc here. He’s tryin’ to help.” Turning to me, she gestured with her head. “Rarity, you’re up front with me.”

“Gladly.” I said, giving a unladylike crack of my neck and trotted forward. 

‘Shy caught the radio, before sighing. "Wait. I... I once worked in a firearm manufacturing company.” Pointing with her head, she indicated the handgun jammed in Jimmy’s waistband. “I know how to fix his pistol. As much as I hate the idea of shooting more people, at the very least we can use it to convince them we are armed."

Everyone went quiet for a moment.

"Fluttershy fixing guns, I believe I have heard it all. But any plan that gets me back to Sweetie Belle is a good plan." I said, breaking the tension and stood beside RJ.

AJ looked at Fluttershy steadily, her face blank. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Even if she could get it working, I don’t think I’d have the heart to see another person get hurt like that.

“If you can be quick about it, go for it,” she said, quietly. “But don’t load it.” She started looking around for a closet to stow away Jimmy. She paused, then she glanced back at Fluttershy. “Please.”

Erishy nodded, her eyes pinched at the edges with concern.

AJ nodded her thanks and resumed looking around. A ‘Shy removed the gun from Jimmy’s waistband, AJ found a door not too far down the hall that smelled faintly of cleaning supplies..

“Alright, Jimmy, let’s get you where you won’t make a fuss,” RJ said. Biting down on Jimmy’s shirt collar, she looked at me. “Give ush a hoof here, Rares?” she asked, gesturing to the side door.

“Why of course, Applejack. Not like I haven’t done this before,” I said, trying to spark some crude attempt at a joke. If appropriate, I’m sure the cricket orchestra would’ve been booked full.

It was surprisingly easy to drag the kid into the closet and prop him up against a mop bucket, to be completely honest. I was glad we did it in a timely manner, because Jimmy’s eyes began to open, and I did the only reasonable thing I could think of: Stuff a dirty cleaning rag in his mouth before he could utter a word. He, of course, have an indignant grunt in return.

“Oh shush. You brought this upon yourself, pizza-face.”

AJ smiled appreciatively as she kicked the closet shut. “Good thinkin’. Mind openin’ the lock for me? I’ll take a peek and we can go from there.”

With the keys held at neck-height in a magic aura, I trotted up to the main door. With a curious glance, I checked over my shoulder to see Fluttershy looking at the cleared handgun. She looked like she was shaking, and looked up at the doctor. Looking back to the door, I quietly slid the key in the slot and twisted it, opening it up just so slightly, just enough room to get a look-through.

“No offense, Doc, but I’d like Rarity carrying our bluff gun. I’d rather have you focused more on this herd, keepin’ them safe with ‘Shy. I’m trusting you on this.” She tilted her head, making her look more earnest. “Don’t let me down, you hear?”

“All...alright,” Nate responded, turning back to look over the others. 

“This is really scary,” somepony murmured.

“I just wanna get back to my brother,” said another.

“Lemme know when you’re ready, ‘Shy,” AJ said, patting her friend on the back reassuringly.

Applejack met me at the door and I clenched my teeth. I wanted to voice my objection to be the one with the pistol, but... Again, necessity over comfort, and they were counting on me.

“Mighty glad to see you again Rares,” AJ said, peeking out, looking through the partially open door. Pulling her head back in, she thought about how to word what she wanted to say next. “I know your sister will be too. And, um, just a heads up- she’s goin’ by May Belle now and she’s… kinda, sorta... picked up a bit of a mouth. From her human.”

I couldn’t stop myself from loosing a laugh, trying not to be too loud about it. “Really? Well fuck, our parents are going to be furious with us both if this keeps up. It will be delightful to see her again, though. I’ve been worried she would be sucked up into this insanity.”

Applejack stared at me with an obvious, and this time real, expression of dumbstrickedness, and bit her lip. From what I could tell, she looked like she might bawl over laughing at any point.

“Dear diary, today I heard Rarity say ‘fuck.’ It was the best day ever because I expected pigs to start flyin’ right after,” she said, shaking her head.

I gave a smile and looked back to our improv-repairpony, Fluttershy who had been moving small parts in the slide of the pistol and other things I don’t quite understand. She looked up to me and nodded, the gun resting on her hoof with a magazine, which lay on her outstretched hoof. It lifted away from her hoof in my aura, solidly pulling away from her and toward me.

I don’t know if I can do this... The gun now floated only a foot or so from me and I felt the part of me that Tony gave me punch into the foreground of my nervous wreck of a mindset. “Well, it looks good.” I said, sliding the magazine into the handle of the gun, but I didn’t yet chamber a round yet. I didn’t want to hurt anyone if I didn’t have to. A little courage and bluffing is all I hoped I needed.

“That’s all it has to do,” AJ replied. “Look good.”

After taking one last peek, she faced us the doctor and the herd.

“Alright y’all. We’re almost clear. Just got two more yahoos to get by and then we’re a five minute walk to help. Rarity and I will handle any… problems, so you have to mind ‘Shy and Nate here. They’re gonna get you to safety if this goes south. And safety is outside, straight to the road, turn right. Outside, to the road, right. Get me?”

She tried to meet as many eyes as she could with her own.

“Alright then. We’re gonna get you out of here.” RJ flashed her smile. It was reassuring and steady, much like the pony who used it. “That’s an Applejack Promise.”

AJ faced forward, opened the door, and I followed closely by her side. 

Down the hall, the stench of nicotine and all the other toxins in cigarettes pushed into the air. I hated it, and saw the source of the stench: A woman whom sat lackadaisically in a chair with a shotgun resting in her lap. She looked half asleep, but with a gun like that in her possession, I wasn’t going to take any chances.

AJ leaned over and gave me a stern look. “Against her head,” she motioned to her own temple and nodded.

I nodded and moved quietly, until I brushed the barrel of the gun right up against the side of the side of the woman’s head. She froze, her eyes nearly popping out of her head as AJ trotted into view.

“Howdy,” she said. “Drop the shotgun.”

She sneered down at AJ, her body still. “Knew you were fakin’, you fuckin’ freak.”

“Congrats on your Sherlockian levels of perception. Put the gun down.”

She visually tightened her grip and a slight smirk came to her. Her knuckles, almost white around the wooden stock of the gun. “You won’t do it. You’re weak.”

AJ sighed. “You know, you’re right. I am weak, but that pony right there? She really didn’t want to be here and hasn’t had the greatest day.”

Her eyes drifted to me, and it wasn’t very hard to see I wasn’t having a very nice day. I narrowed my brow and bared my teeth. “Don’t think for one second I won’t pop you one in the damn head,” I whispered, just quiet enough for AJ not to hear, but I knew the guardswoman heard it. Oh I know it. The look on her face visibly got knocked down a peg. 

“So, while I’d be fine with knockin’ ya out, she may want to get her revenge and lemme tell ya, ya ain’t known revenge till Rarity Belle takes it out of your hide.”

She glanced from myself, back to AJ, and to be completely honest, I few the magic grip around the pistol tighten for just a moment... As if I were okay with shooting the woman... 

“Put down the shotgun please and step back.”

Her face twisted in rage, but she complied, placing her weapon on the ground and moving away from it.

“Thank you,” AJ said. Keeping her eyes on the woman, she lifted her head slightly. “Nate? Need you to do the hands thing and unload this.”

Nate glanced at his charges, but stepped forward to the shotgun and the woman’s mask of rage spiked.

“So you’re the traitor!” she spat. “It’s just like I said. Just like I kept telling everybody: you can’t trust no goddamned pointy-headed Jews.” She leaned toward Nate, seething. “So what part of the world did the ponies promise you, Jew-boy? Did you get your 30 pieces of silver for selling out the human race?!”

        Through my teeth, I hissed, “Shut the hell up,” quietly, not wanting anyone to hear me...
        
Nate made sure that he had finished his assigned task before deigning to answer his challenger. “Have you even seen a Jew in your life, you microencephalitic moron? My faith is none of your business, and I’m probably far more Aryan than you if descent mattered for anything, which it does not. But apparently having dark hair, an aversion to violence and an interest in knowledge its own sake is enough now to qualify me for the Synagogue.” He leaned forward. “And I’ll let you in on a secret: if the ponies did want to take over the world, with their numbers and powers, they would have done it already.”

The woman’s response to this statement was to lunge at Nate before AJ or myself could react.

Without a second later, a loud crack was produced and the butt of the shotgun was jammed against the woman’s face. RJ and myself dogpiled onto the woman, pinning her. I hate to say this, but I did hit her in the kidneys once we got her down, to keep her from retaliating again and doing something even worse.

“You damned atheist!” Elle muffled scream emerged from the pile. “They’ll destroy everything!”

Nate withdrew to the opposite wall, gun dragged blindly behind him. “Well,” he said, “at least you’ve got the faith right this time. And on an abstract level, every generation destroys the world they have inherited, if only to build a different world in its place.”

Fluttershy, now pronouncing herself as a valid and competent variable in the situation looked from Nate, who’s face was now dripping with crimson with a handkerchief pressed against the wound, then back to our pinned attacker.

“Excuse me, miss. I would just like to point out that we've never said we wanted to destroy anything.” She frowns, a bit of anger coming back. “In fact, I have yet to see or hear of a pony attacking or hurting a human in the entire world, except for when captured or attacked. Tell me, is there any point to us leaving you conscious? Do you have anything to offer us but hate and ignorance?”

“Don’t you get it?!” She screamed, fairly frothing at the mouth. “Every human you damned ponies touches turns into a pony, gives up everything that make them human! Soon, there won’t be no humanity, just cutesy pastel freaks!”

Chest heaving she glared defiantly at the shocked, gathered group. “Just ponify me. Quit fucking around and make me disappear,” she snarled.

Fluttershy shook her head before turning away. “We’ve never turned anyone into a pony on purpose.” Looking back to myself and AJ, she said, “Let’s knock her out, AJ... She will just come after us otherwise. This way she can at least be far away.”

We stared down at the woman and I glanced at AJ. I personally had no objection, and would gladly shut her up if to keep anyone else from being hurt.

“No arguments here. Sleep tight, ya moron.” She dropped her skull again and the guardswoman jerked at the impact, slumping into stunned unconsciousness. AJ shook her head a little. “Woo. I’ll have to thank Big Mac for showin’ me that trick. Never thought I’d have to use it so much.”

Shouting came from behind us.

We turned.

“Run,” AJ said.

Everyone remained still, the sudden command stunning everyone in their place.

“Run!”

The herd spurred to action, with the doctor nearly slipping over himself to keep up.

“Shy with them!” AJ barked. “Rares, get the keys to the door!” AJ then grabbed the woman’s collar in her teeth and dragged her towards the shouting coming out of the bunker.

AJ got back to the main door and tensed her neck. Hauling hard, she tossed the unconscious guard into the corridor. She stood at the door, looking into the hallway.

I waited just behind her, keys in my magic as AJ stared expectantly down the hall.

“C’mon Steph. C’mon. I don’t wanna do this without-”

And there was Stephanie, running full tilt toward us. Blood drenched her left arm.

“C’mon!” AJ yelled.

Stephanie smiled grimly and pushed faster.

Then they appeared. Men and women in black and camo and all bearing weapons. They filled the hallway. They were a mass of danger. They were coming right for us, and I held my breath.

One in the mass fired and a bullet went wide. A shot ricocheted somewhere behind us, but the next one that rang out split by my face and caught AJ’s ear. I nearly screamed in horror.

Stephanie ran and vaulted right over us, skidding to a hault some feet behind us. AJ looked frantically at me.

“Key, Rarity! Key!”

I quickly jammed the key in the lock and snapped it shut. My magic aura flared brightly as I twisted and broke the key off.

“Ooopsie!” I said. “I guess I don’t know my own strength.”

I shared a wicked smile with AJ, before we ran to catch up to Stephanie.

“Sorry… I’m late,” she panted.

“Better late than never,” AJ said. “Let’s go. That door won’t hold ‘em forever.”

Stephanie nodded and we followed after the herd, the sounds of violence beating against the door behind us.

As we gained ground towards our escape, I saw Fluttershy helping the others along the hallway, but stopped abruptly when a voice on the radio crackled to life.

“What is going on up there?!” the voice yells.

 “The ponies are headed for the basement, protect the records!” She said in the deepest, almost Flutterguy voice I had ever heard.

        She waved to us, motioning us to our nearing victory against these assholes.

“Let’s go! I’m not leaving unless you are all coming as well!” She looked back at the rest of the herd as we neared the entrance.

“That’s the plan!” AJ responded as she caught up with the rest of us, with Stephanie trailing right behind her.

“They can’t be headed to the basement- we just saw a bunch head outside!” chattered the radio.

“I got nobody up here,” came yet another unfamiliar voice.

Then everyone started shouting over everyone else, garbling any communication further.

“Guy on the door leading out,” AJ said, moving to flank the herd. “Rares, and... whoever has that shotgun, get ready to look like action ponies.”

Despite knowing I might have to hurt someone... I couldn’t help but think about something I read not even two weeks ago. Ponies with guns in an apocalyptic wasteland. Damn, now I even felt like a heroine who doesn’t play by anyone’s rules, what with a gun and the sneaking suspicion of having to use it.

We came upon him soon enough. He blinked at the sudden arrival of ponies and two humans, but before he move, my pistol and a shotgun floated up to his line of sight. A pony who had commandeered the shotgun held up the weapon and looked like he might just pull the trigger for fun.

My handgun moved in a blue-green aura till the barrel pressed against the door-man’s nose. I daintily trotted up to him and smiled a kind, gentle smile. “Don’t move, asshole.”

He stayed very still, his eyes going cross-eyed to stare down the barrel of death stuffed into his personal bubble.

AJ started waving ponies through the door. “Stephanie, get up front! We need you leading the way!”

Once the last pony was through, AJ stood next to me, with Fluttershy now moving up to my left side.

“On your knees,” AJ said.

The door-man, his eyes very focused on the gun, obliged.

“Rares, you can move it.”

I took the gun from his nose and the man looked visually relaxed

“Howdy,” Applejack said... And rammed her head forward, knocking him over and out.

AJ rubbed at her forehead. “I keep this up, I’m gonna grow a horn of my own,” she muttered. I stifled a little giggle and shook my head. I could’ve clocked him on the head, but AJ’s several headbuttings seemed to be working just fine.

Tilting her head toward the door, she lead the last three out, where Stephanie waited with the herd... and finally, sunshine flooded my eyes and warmth spread over my face. Freedom!

“Made it-?” one pony said.

“Dude, trees!” another pony exclaimed.

“-the scariest thing ever!” said another.

“Where you been young lady?” AJ called to Stephanie with a good natured jeering in her voice.

“Got held up. That everypony?”

“We’re clear. Let’s roll.”

“NO!” came a shout.

As we assembled, we turned almost in perfect unison to a tall, huffing man holding a rifle in his arms with it pointed towards us. “Nobody’s going anywhere,” he growled.

RJ moved so she was between the herd and his line of sight, with me taking her side. Fluttershy was on her other, and something told me she was whimpering.

“How’d you get out?” AJ asked, her voice even, her gaze locked on him.

“Back door. This place is lousy with ‘em,” he replied. “Now. Put down the guns and we’re all going back inside.”
        
AJ turned her head, but kept her eyes on the man. “Do as he says.”

As much as I wanted to oblige and put an end to the need of firearms, I wanted to raise my gun in defiance... And shoot the bastard in the leg. Drop down to our level... But with the number of armed people behind him, the only thing I’d accomplish would be getting everyone killed... So, I dropped the gun in the dirt, and the unicorn sporting the shotgun did the same.

“Okay, good,” The lunatic said, his tone lightening. “Now, everyone is going to march back inside, and we’re going to lock all the ponies up, and deal with the agent and the doctor.”

The herd waited. We stood our ground. The silence stretched out.

“I’m not going to say it again,” He said, his voice going hard.

We kept at a stand-still, glaring into his merciless eyes.

There was a murmur in the herd and someone said quietly, “Hey does anypony else hear that?”

The PAPA leader sighted on the cowpony, cocked his rifle, and the roar of a helicopter’s blades echoed all around. A spotlight shone down from on high, briefly blinding him and his men.

“Aaah!” he yelped.

“Put down your weapons!” came a loud, firm voice.

Everyone turned and exiting the brush was another agent clad in special forces gear with a familiar white filly riding on his shoulders. Behind them came a whole squad of men in tactical gear. Their vests all read FBI in bright yellow letters. The helicopter’s engine growled from above, keeping the spot on the PAPA troops.

“FBI!”

“Freeze!”

“Don’t move!”

“Well well well,” Sweetiebelle said, grinning ear to ear. “Looks like we arrived just in the nick of time, eh, Al?”

“Looks like,” the agent, ‘Al’, said, training his weapon on the psycho with the gun pointed at AJ.

“What’s that make us?”  Sweetiebelle piped up in the high pitched voice that flooded me with sweet, sisterly memories.

Al smiled.

“Big damn heroes.”


v^v^v^v


        With the premises surrounded by an FBI tactical squad, I considered this our “Check, and mate” win we’d been waiting for. The commander, who was identified at ‘Davis’ was taken into custody and an EMT had arrived on the scene to take care of the ponies and people who had been injured.

        Sweetiebelle- or should I say May Belle, threw her hooves around my neck and buried her face in my chest. Knowing she was safe was a lead weight off my shoulders, and knowing doubly well she was with me put me at a level of peace I could only describe as sweetie-induced happiness.

        With another vault now cleared, and with the help of the FBI and countless EMTs, I felt as though everything was finally going to be okay... Finally.