It's autumn. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are having a great time being the town pranksters. If only Rainbow Dash knew the way Pinkie Pie felt about her... Then they would have an even better time together, where nopony could disturb them.
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I...
I honestly don't know where to begin.
Please get an editor of some sort before you continue this. It's an absolute nightmare
where to begin.
oh, i know: actually publish something that isn't given away in the description
This is worth watching. But like the above guy said, there are some errors. May i suggest you type it in Microsoft word first, then transcribe it into FimFiction
Yeah bro, you kinda left out a few words and need to fix some punctuation. Other than that, you've got a good thing going here. There aren't many PieDash fics. I shall be watching.
1499374 Thanks for the positive comment :)
1499557 Thanks, I appreciate it!
1499605 No point in negativity, when there is the possibility for improvement
Such a riveting title...
Going to need to go exploring... Pardon me while I throw on my reviewing theme...
Anyhow let me see.
First sentence we have capitalization errors.
Correct should be.
Then we get more capitalization errors in the second sentence.
No caps.
Bad pony.
Moving on to the next section...
Alright. So just a few missed words and wrong caps... nothing much so far, no OOC characters... both are just pranking like they usually do.
*Starts theme up again*
Your tense is bouncing a bit. Keep it all in either past or present tense.
Starting to get a bit OOC for Pinkie. She usually refers to Dash as 'Dashie'. Something you seemed to have neglected.
Glossy what? Glossy refers to how something looks, as in a glossy finish. What colour was it?
Why courageously? He's just helping someone pick up a ball. Nothing to be all hero about.
No cap on screamed.
Spaces. Between. Sentences.
Burst shouldn't have a cap. And also a question. This is taking place in a present day; when Dash and Pinkie actually started hanging out, so why are you referring to them as fillies? Let me give you a lowdown on the gender/age translations.
Woman=Mare
Man=Stallion
Girl (young)=Filly
Boy=Colt
Kid=Foal
Then things really start to get weird.
No cap on laughing. And in between has a space.
Also you're starting to use the word said too many times.
Here is a shitload of other words you can use. Use. Them. Or. Else. It. Seems. Like. You're. Speaking. In. A. Monotone. Voice.
No cap on bored.
Why is the S capitalized. And also it's lets. Not Let's. Let's is shortened. Lets is plural.
No cap on laughed.
Spike is a name. Cap the name.
Y U NO CAP I?
Pie is a name. Cap the name.
Library is misspelled. And also how can you hide in a sign? Hide behind a sign.
Capitalize your I with your shift key.
Cap the Dash.
Since when is dived a word? It's dove.
Spike is growing tired of these missed caps on his name.
No cap on frowning.
Cap the I on I'll
Thoughts in italic font. No quotations.
Stop abusing Spike's name with not capping.
That isn't a prank. That's pure jackassery right there. Sorry. Jumbled doesn't need a cap.
No cap on hanging.
No cap on being.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/267/e/e/twe_reviewer_by_thorlol-d5frzwm.png
WHOOSH!
Thorlol: TWE Mod and Grammar Hammer.