Rape, sexism, racism, vile acts and views that humanity looks at with deepest of loathing. But Equestria a magical world inhabited by ponies, have no such issue openly embracing it.
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Okay first off. FINALLY! A new chapter. But I completely understand you have other things to do. Second. How could you skip the Fluttershy clop scene? That was like my favorite clop scene of this entire story because Fluttershy is my favorite pony. Queen Chrysalis is my favorite character overall. But I hope you didn't take the clop scenes out of this fic because they really made this fic awesome in addition to the awesome lot. This and love of mares are literally my top two faves. but it will disappoint me greatly if there isn't as much clop as there was the first time around. But this is your story and you can do what you will with it. I will read it and love it regardless.
4869633 Don't worry mate I wont it was just it had to be a one night drunken stand. It will get Lachlan use to sex which given how many clop scenes I have their will be plentiful opportunities to write new stuff
>>Distorted Flare: Awesome. Like I said I love these stories. Seriously though its good there is going to be clop because you write some seriously painful boner inducing clop and I use your clop to rate other writers clop because yours is just so good.
i still dont get why you retconned this
aww you removed the closet scene that scene was funny
Hiray new chapter at last. But I still liked the original a bit better,
If I may make a request more details please, I really enjoyed the details of lachlan ended up rutting fluttershy. It was one of the reasons why I fell in love with this series and it is one of my favorites.
But anyway thanks for you.
4869807 Because it was going in a bad direction and only getting worse.
I like this chapter. Even though the clop scene with Fluttershy was removed, I feel that the story has a better pace. I really hope the next chapter comes soon.
Oh, what's this? A new chapter I spy? It tis a new chapter! Oh joyous morning, something new to finally lead. It may have issues in the beginning few pergeaphs but it seems to clean up towards the end.
I can see that the story is going the same direction but I think the the first write of the story was Great. I don't see why you are rewriting this story. I think that the party was lame in details, compared to your first writing of this story. This is your story and you can rewrite it the way you need it to be. I wood like to know What happen with to the concern the mane 6 had, when they fond out that he had been rape and at such a young age, by there standers. It look bad when Fluttershy had sex with him for the same age restriction. the ramifications of this that she had by seducing and raping him. It just this rewrite is missing a lot of the elements that your first story had. This is only the way I am thinking. I do hope to see a new chapter sooner then this last one.
Dragonfox
Yay your not dead
Good Are you still making that comic of this?
4870051 I wouldn't say that. it wasn't that it was going in a bad direction as it was that it kinda got a little bit repetitive and didn't have a clear direction, good or bad. Lachlan meets new mare, they sometimes fight, they fuck, added to herd. Kids popping out every few chapters. Again, It was just kinda repetitive. My only worry is that the side story that came afterward will not be done, as it might be forgotten. I really hope it doesn't, as I liked those chapters.
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but looks like Lachlan is though, lol.
pacing is better this go around, but i feel like you had done the party better before.
just my opinion, though.
Very nicely done. The different emotions and feelings felt more descriptive in the rewrite, although, I must confess, the original closet scene was one of my favorite in the story.
Anyways, looking forward to more. Keep up the good work.
That was awesome chapter I loved it it was a good read it just ended to soon .Why is Rainbow dash haten on him? What really happened between Fluttershy and him ?what happened to all the good parts?the clop part was some of the best parts that and the story .I can't wait to see what happens next between them all and what happens next to them all.
4869668 I agree with him.
I'm still trying to figure why you're rewriting the first story. There wasn't anything wrong with it so why change it? All this time rewriting could be used on the sequel.
Party was quite lame, less features in this chapter than the original.
I am usually LOATH to give out negative criticism, as the usual refute is "I would like to see you do better" but... in this case...
I was at first pleased to see that there was a re-write going on, thinking "Great! He will sort it out, give it a reboot, better spelling, better grammar, a more reasonable character development for Lachlan, and probably better clop.
I... well, I think that the new chapter two was good
But then I read this one and.... The first thing to jump out at me was the GRAMMAR. I know that sometimes authors get a bit rushed, happens to me while writing Sombra's Heart, and even more during my war story, but I usually go back and correct it unless it is after three in the morning, then I say "Meh, do it tomorrow"
The grammer here is very distracting to me, as I keep getting hung up on bad punctuation. That is the SINGLE most prevalent issue, I think. Other ones that jump at me are the occasional lowercase "I", as well as a few run-ons and the like.
The other is the spelling. "Wrack" might be good for "Wracked with pain", but I think you were looking for its homonym, Rack. That would make a bit more sense to me, at least.
The next major thing is that I spent ten minutes looking to see if I had missed the closet scene, but... it was gone! That was my SINGLE FAVORITE part of the ENTIRE series. I thought it was absolutely hilarious, if a bit absurd until I remembered the scent thing, but then I found it very missing here. I used to have the HTML of the old chapters, but I lost them during a mishap, so I fear I will never see it again in its old glory.
Overall, I think I like the old stuff better, but the thing that would improve this story and make it at LEAST 20 percent better, would be an editor. I would be happy to help, but at this point just a second author reading would do wonders.
Sorry about the negative feedback though
4870051 BUT RETCONNING THE WHOLE THING!?
i just caugt up, and this isn't anything like the original one, why not post another one keeping the original 100%?
4875439 Relax it wont stray to much from the original. He will still shag all the mares their will be a fluttershy sex scene next chapter just it needs to slow down a bit all I plan to do is add extra chapters and update the old the last eight chapters I did will not be touched so chapter eighteen and up will remain the exact same whilst the others will be modified. Also I can't do two of the same stories that is whoring the series. I can give you one and up if you want to read the original.
No clop scene?
Why did you leave that part out?
Holy SHIT A NEW CHAPTER
4882936 i will be honest when I saw your user name I was dreading thinking what abuse I was about to get. I was surprised thank you for the enthusiasm
Weren't there like a shit load of chapters?
Or am I just seeing things?
4884003
SirFaggotMcCuntFace for President.
4891421 He's rewriting the story.
4891453 I second that
4894325 Hey i have to make sure my perversity is kid friendly as well
Pretty good rewrite, no complaints except for the obvious ones like spelling mistakes.
4896761 I would
Distorted flare would you be willing to send me the original?
Equestria Logic.
Um, can someone tell me why Distorted Flare removed the chapters?
4902154 I agree! Me want copy of original too!
4904408 If he gets one i want one too!
4905953 Children children I hate you all equally so you can all have it I will get it uploaded after uni and work.
I have been with this story since the beginning, and it looks like I will be again.
I also would love to get a copy of the original chapters... I had them all, but then I accidentally deleted my pony folder on my computer, and lost all my brony stuffs >.>
Could I also have a copy of the original, cause I was trying to read Love of Mare and found it difficult o understand what was happening. It weird that you have a sequel story when the original is incomplete at the moment.
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4905953
4904408
look my skype is distorted flare I can do it via Skype or email take your pick
4913402
Oh man.... I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!
AHAHHAHA THANK YOU MATE!
P.S. I comment about this
4914357 it was a weird format it saved it on you have to scroll along to read all of it
4914399 Oh you mean Word Wraps.
Yes i have, because i delete few word make it small words.
P.S. Stupid XP computer.
4913402 Email! I don't have a webcam.
My email is "the_super_nub_gamer@yahoo.com"
Better add clop or have Lachlan explain himself, sparing no details, in the next chapter, or else...
Also, if u want a good star rating, fix the grammar and misspellings.
I liked the original with the closet scene and the whole nightly episode better, this one is cut just WAAAYY to short.