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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That fic is getting better and better each time. You're doing an incredible work!
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I gotta agree this is quickly working its way up to be one of the only Pony on Earth stories I can honestly say is not absolute s*** and wish fulfillment.
Keep up the good work.
the one thing i cannot stand about this chapter... is that it's gunna be a long time before i have the pleasure of reading the next one!
in case you hadn't guessed, i greatly enjoy this story, and can't wait for more
A nice present would be finding some way to get her out of the house so she can run.
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I have to agree with you there. He needs something at least.
Yay, bonding!
And Etherea. Y U stand around the blind corner of a high traffic walkway? Thats almost like asking for someone to trip over you. Admittedly, Alex wasn't paying attention to where he was going but still...
They're going to have a bit of an uphill battle if they're going to decrease their salt intake. Less processed foods for one thing.
Brilliant thus far...
Curious as to how things will develop.
Yes, friends! Took a lot of writing and lots of waiting but the first actual step is done. x.x
See the actual romance is going to be so worth it!
Just gotta wait, again.
I actually daww'd
Yay, friendship! To bad Alex is still getting tortured by his own brain. At least he can distract himself with a bit of party planning next time.
Seriously, I can't wait for those two to hook up.
best human x pony ship. can't say much more than that actually.
Also, thank you for the work.
You have NO IDEA how much your story is good and how it helps me go through a day of work (I do some unofficial pauses to read, so my brain don't break again )
please... keep it up!
this is awesome!
Poor guy, having such thoughts about his sexuality, can't be easy for him.
love it! You deserve the featured bar. I think this is a very well done fiction and ponyxhuman
He really needs to get under her tail. Otherwise he will go nuts considering his emotions are all over the place.
Quite a lot of tension there and Etherea knows a lot more than she is letting on.
3467633 I mean, constantly having thoughts about killing Craig can't be a good sign!
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Would Etherea be adventurous enough to try some? I wonder how much a stoned pony could eat?
I'm surprised I'm liking Alex as much as I am, given his near-constant levels of high tension throughout the story. It annoys me in both real life and in fiction, but Shachza has done a good job at showing hope for him getting better about it. Even if the whole "borderline beastiality" thing is going to be a major sticking point for Alex through the story. She might have an intelligence level on par with a human, but that thar slippery slope argument with her body...
When reading your story and the notions of romantic relationships came up, a question came up. In most stories we se how the ponies would just accept a relationship with a human generally more easier than the human, however would that really be the case in a realistic setting? (or as realistic as one could make it.) Would a pony or Etherea in this case really be able to look at a human being in a romantic way? Would she not be doubting herself and question the implications of such things as Alex? Even if interspecies relationships is a thing in her world, this is a somewhat different situation.
3468776 *Craig takes ice cream from the fridge*
Damn it, Craig! That was the last one that I was saving for Etherea for when she was feeling down. That fucking bastard I'll kill him, I'll...... No, no Alex, gotta remember he's the only one who can help me right now.
Alex is denser than a bullet, isn't he? He's too nervous to realize Etherea is stepping on eggshells even more than him or Craig ever since she picked up on their fear of her, and he's practically courting her already without realising it. And she's falling for it.
Something tells me Etherea will be the straightforward one in the couple.
3468325 It's gonna be even more awesome when Etherea presents Alex to Shiny and Cadence.
"Mom, Dad, this is my new coltfriend!"
And then poor high-strung human goes out like a light at the slightest glare he gets from either parent.
I really don't want to ruin the 666 likes
Okay, am I right by thinking that Craig was trying to make Alex jealous by hitting on Etherea? It makes sense that he wouldn't notice it. After all, he's been too oblivious so far to think about the possibility of her thinking along the exact same lines as him. I mean, even on a world where interspecies relationships are (possibly) common, and even if she isn't necessarily thinking sexy thoughts about Alex (yet), she could very well have noticed something about either Alex or Craig that she found attractive, then immediately fallen into berating herself for thinking that about someone as in-equine in form as a human.
Sure, there's bipeds on her world, but none of them are very similar to apes or monkeys (aside from having hands). Humans are by far more apelike than, say, minotaurs, in much the same way that ponies are horselike.
By the way, how is the issue of translation going to be fixed? Re-casting her translation spell every day doesn't seem efficient, and would probably slow her recovery quite a bit.
If I may make a suggestion.
You may have a fix already, and you simply haven't mentioned it yet, but if not: she could cast a spell not completely unlike the "mind meld" spell that was suggested a chapter or two ago. She could link portions of her mind to Alex's, specifically the portions that control their speech and knowledge of language. Doing so would cause Etherea to begin learning english, and Alex to begin learning Equestrian. It would undoubtedly be more costly than the translation spell, but once they learned enough to be able to Hulk Speak in each other's language, the rest could be learned conventionally, eliminating the need for costly magic altogether.
Normally, this magic wouldn't be taken lightly, of course. Quite a lot can go wrong when you're messing around in people's brains, after all. However, Etherea's unique situation grants an advantage, the very same thing that is usually a disadvantage for her: the lack of ambient Harmony on Earth. Without any source of Harmony on Earth aside from herself, Etherea would not need to "calibrate" the flow of magic in order to keep it from twisting up and becoming turbulent from its interaction with other flows of Harmony.
Oh, and by the way, at the risk of making it sound like an afterthought, this is a really nice chapter. I like how believable Etherea's sudden shift to being casual is, and you didn't even have to get her drunk! Good thing, too, 'cuz that plot device is waaaaay overused...
The worldbuilding is excellent. Alex is a boring idiot who should be in a different, more boring story. Your pacing is painfully slow, and I'm glad I only started reading this a week ago rather than when it first came out. Seriously, you're writing a love story and it's 130k words before the first kiss? Hell, it's 130k and the protagonist is still being a stiff, prudish dweeb who's terrified of the very idea of flirting with the object of his affections. At this stage, Romance Reports had wrapped up.
This story would be better if Alex and Craig had been combined into one character, called 'Craig.'
3469358 Romance Reports was an overrated, cheap, OOC, promiscuous, slutty fuckfest that didn't deal with alien contact. Characters are somewhat established already, unlike the OC's in this. And unlike in that piece of shit, the romance in this is actually good: it feels like a believable romance story between an insecure, fraidy extradimensional being, and human who's disturbed at how similar dating his object of affection is to bestiality despite the important details and doesn't know what to do because of that.
And sorry if Alex is a normal human being with flaws and qualities unlike your powerful stud muffin imagine-self, loser.
Constructive criticism an author can accept, but bitching and moaning they say 'goodbye and don't come back' to. You dislike the story that much, the red X is right up there. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
3469279 I ruined the number just so you can upvote Can't believe I haven't upvoted this fic before today, man!
3469548 You sick... Whatever, thanks, I guess
When I hit 'like' it turned 666... oh well
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Alex is terrified, lazy and stupid. He's so conflict averse that he thinks the things Craig says could doom himself and humanity, but lacks the conviction to remove Craig from that environment.
He's supposedly the smart one of the pair, yet we never see him doing anything intelligent. He never googles basic stuff like 'comparative psychology,' 'xenolinguistics,' 'establishing communication with alien races,' 'equine digestive system,' 'vetinary clinics near [x],' 'how to treat royalty,' 'diplomacy and international relations 101,' 'speculative diplomacy,' 'caring for large birds,' or anything of a similar sort. He doesn't research open spaces where she could fly without being observed, doesn't make a list of possible contacts who could meet Etherea without spilling the beans so that she could get a better-developed social life and more understanding of earth, and doesn't make contingencies for long-term care for this highly important impromptu diplomat.
You know what else the 'smart' one doesn't do? He gripes constantly about the risk of the US government pulling an ALF and imprisoning/dissecting her, but doesn't actually think to look it up. He could google it. If that produces nothing, he could google 'policy on impromptu visits from diplomatic entities.' If that produces nothing, he could look up some diplomatic figures, pretend to be a reporter, call them and ask, 'yo, what would you do in this entirely hypothetical scenario?' He doesn't even make a quick chart to figure out what the pros and cons of various approaches by the US Government would be, to try predict how they'd act. Instead, he just sits in his room and considers whether he'd like to bang her or not.
He also doesn't take the cursory step of figuring out a decent excuse for his absence from work. Oh, you had a horrible family event? I'll just knock on your door unannounced with a beef pot roast to try cheer you up and hide your straight razors and spare rope, and force the damn door if the lights are on but I don't hear a response.
Alex has positive qualities? Fuck you, name five.
I've never read a word of your writing, but I can tell you're new to this game if you don't think my comment was (admittedly terse, as is my manner) constructive criticism.
3469720
You poor, sad thing, you.
I have to admit, the mature and sex tags scared me off at first, but this is really good! Much slower, realistic stuff going on, freaking out over stuff, etc. Very well paced and characterized! Looking forward to the next chapter!
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Before I get to anything else here, both of you please stop. My story is not the place for this argument. I get it that one of you likes Alex and the other doesn't, but the insults are completely unwarranted. You can argue without them.
3469809 No worries, mate. I already said I was done and I bloody well meant it. I respect you too much to get you into a pointless crossfire, moreso one that's gonna go nowhere.
Next posts of mine shall be contributions, you'll see.
3469809
Yeah, sure, but Kellar is a twunt.
Also, unlike Kellar, you probably read the first sentence I wrote.
Only one comment about the salt? And it wasn't even about the effects salt has on ponies? And here I thought I was being clever.
3467505
This story should be the biggest pile of crap to ever fall out of Fimfic. I know why it hasn't been, but I can't help but be amazed that it isn't.
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I know, right? Every time I work on this story I end up wishing that I could just manifest the ideas in my head onto the screen. It would be so much faster and easier on me. But no, I have to keep doling it out at the speed of my ability to write.
3468325
Do you get lost in it too? I'll go back to read sections and refresh my memory on some detail or another, but sometime later I'll find that I'm just reading through it.
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That's the problem with logical fallacies. (Slippery Slope) They will not actually make a well-supported argument, but they will make it look like one. And at the same time said fallacy will probably be ramping up the negatives of the "undesired" outcome.
3468708
That's one of the things I ran in to very early in the story. Etherea is a smart, capable pony. I hadn't planned on her finding out about My Little Pony so early, but while I was writing chapter 4 I realized that she would notice that Alex and Craig had never actually asked her what she was. They just knew.
She's aware of more than she may be given credit for. I feel that's one of the things that makes her a good character.
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If it ever gets to be too repetitive, let me know. One of my biggest inspirations is Shinji Ikari from Neon Genesis Evangelion - one of the most hated characters ever created. I can see some of Shinji in Alex, but I'm also doing my best to make Alex "better" than Shinji.
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That's a very good question!
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I missed it! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I was going to take a screenshot and everything...
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I'm sorry you feel that way about Alex.
There is a very specific reason that I chose him for this. Part of that was his character flaws. Unfortunately he won't hit it big with some readers simply because he's not an extrovert who will go gallivanting across Equestria in a dogged pursuit of the pony he loves. He's not the one who should be out there exploring new frontiers, but too bad for him. He's going to be uncomfortable and scared. That makes his biggest in-character problem to be the bad decisions he will make.
Should he have contacted the authorities right away? Most definitely.
Should he be taking the situation on himself? Probably not.
Should he be joining Craig in making moves on Etherea? Questionable.
I like hearing contrary opinions because it really helps highlight the things I'm doing well and can point to the things I'm not. An earlier comment made me rethink something Craig was going to do and I think the story will be better for it. There's not much I can do now about 130k words without a first kiss. If you find you can't stand the story then at least I thank you for telling me what was wrong with it. *glares at the 47 mostly-unexplained dislikes*
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Normally I would ask that all the insults be removed, but the first three posts build up to some good criticism. Though if you two would please remove the ones after Chuck's second long post.
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The basis for this entire story. The title isn't just a title after all. It's a question that the story is seeking an answer to.
3469978 I took a screenshot, I can put it up somewhere and link it if you want
EDIT: http://sta.sh/02av6m0uubt0
3469978
I'm not one of those 47 dislikes. I have my issues (and there are many!) with the story, but it's not dreck enough to deserve a downvote.
3469773
Yeah... That didn't pan out, but it was totally worth the effort! This story had me glued to my screen from chapter one.
I can't tell you how many times I lol'd, and I won't try to point out the moments that made me lul or lel, but there were many. Each time I was getting frustrated with how much of a bloody coward Alex is, Craig said something funny to lighten my mood. Well timed, for true, for true.
And that you've given such a wealth of detail and managed such intricate world building while keeping the story interesting deserves many accolades. I see that Xenophilia is on your favorite stories list; it's one of mine too, and I am pleased to say that you've engaged me just as much as that great story, if not more. Yeah, Alex is a total tool and would probably overreact at a drop of milk spilling on his mountainous mole hill, but that part of his character is also endearing and I'll be interested to see whether he can grow out of it.
And Etherea... Best Alicorn OC ever. Fuck Nyx. She's acting just as one would expect from somepony ripped from her home and probably grappling with blaming herself for overreacting and blaming her new human friends for goading her. And it's subtle, almost frustratingly so (almost!), but her interest in Alex, by the most recent chapter, is peeking over the horizon like the moon shying away from the sun.
I expected something more concrete on the romantic front by this point, but damn me if you aren't a genius at stringing my feels along. I'm all like "JUST KISS DA PONE!" and Alex is like "nu!"
Aargh...
And she's not fooling anypony with that "oh, you don't have to do anything for my b-day" shit. She's mentioned missing her special day more than English speakers use the word "the." Good thing Alex is dense; if he knew she was prodding him in that direction, he'd probably blow his top quicker than a soda can in an earthquake.
I just... I have more to say, but I've already spent enough time procrastinating on my homework to read this story. Just... Keep writing it and get us another chapter soon. I mean, take your time, but don't take too much time.
I'm gonna buzz off now before I start doing my rabid dog impression...
3469978
Well does it have an answer? Or did this already came up in the comments before? I do not read comments because it is often that there are more words there than in the whole story.
I think one sign of a good character in writing is that when they're being an annoying shithead, I get annoyed at the character for being an annoying shithead rather than at the author for writing an annoying shithead into the story.
I tend to get pretty angry at Alex and not at all angry at the individual writing him.
Still, Craig should buy him a stress ball.
It's probably just my changeling obsession affecting me, but as soon as they raised the possibilty of Craig meeting a like mind from Equestria I've been hoping for it.
3469978 Writing ability, the bane of writers and aspiring writers alike If I had to count how many endings I have pinballing in my head for fics I write and wrote, I'd run out of fingers.
I'm gonna do two things for you, dude:
1. War comments removed. As asked, I'm leaving the ones with actual analysis. It's up to Chucky to do the same on his end.
2. As soon as I have the necessary time for it, I'll give you an evaluation of Alex's character. Let's see if it matches your view of it, what you wanted to get across.
Sounds good to you?
Congratulations, Alex, you spanked a princess! Alright, fine, that was only one smack. But you're getting there! Better not tell Craig about it, he would surely ask Etheria whether she liked it. I'm not even joking here. I could totally see him do that. He's that kind of bro.
Also: Alex—Dude—the pony princess can probably hear you looking at her. Those big ears pick up a lot, and unless you're really really quiet, moving to look at her creates some sort of sound. Maybe you won't pick it up, but she's much more likely to.
Salted Etheria is even more fun than I imagined! Haha, I'm so glad that made it into the story. Ponies with their personal harmony salted appear to act a lot more mischievous.
And her Changeling gal pal shares her porn with her? Heh, I wouldn't be surprised if Changelings as a whole have a xenophilic streak, being shapeshifters and emotion feeders and all.
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Hey, I was getting to the salt! Just because I've been writing some damn report for eleven frikkin hours, with some fimfiction time in between... I think I'm running on fumes here, actually...
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She totally digs him. Even I can see that, and I have all the romantic perceptiveness of a particularly dull piece of shale, at least regarding myself. Which is probably why I can empathise so much with Alex, who is too worried about Etheria to actually worry about Etheria. He's going completely shut down once she somehow manages to get access to the internet; 'Pony Play' might even be less of an issue then than risque art of her family, friends, and so forth.
Only one word. Awesome!
Looking for most! Hopefully soon. :)
....so, does Equestria (or what ever that world is called) not have salt water oceans or something? A little over 70% of earth is ocean so ....is ponyland () mostly covered by land or is it all fresh water