This chapter was an eye-opener for me, and in some ways, far too much fun.

When writing it I had already decided that I didn't want Equestrians and Humans to share diseases. Epidemics = bad for this story. But then I began to think about why. I began thinking about how viruses identified targets and what was different about Equestrians that made the diseases on both sides ignore the other. I was delving in to how to make Equestrians fundamentally different, but still able to interact. I'm writing a love story, and I had begun to plot out Equestria's quantum mechanics.

A friend suggested a much easier method. Two species = incompatible diseases. Sometimes I think too much.

The other really interesting thing (for me) just sort of happened. She doesn't know English, but I didn't want to just gloss over every single thing she said. That's boring. So I whipped up some words that I thought sounded appropriate, slapped on some basic rules, and then did a one-for-one exchange with the English I was typing.

I was sort of doing exactly the same thing Alex was so... agast? at in the first chapter. Creating an Equestrian language.

Anyways. Carry on!

And if you're liking the story, then let me know what you think of the question that started it all.

...there were pancakes to be had.

Good chapter here, I really liked the whole learning of the English language, both the method and the speed of which it happened. The creation of a new Alicorn character for this story has me really curious as to how she fits in with Celestia, Luna, and the rest of Equestria. At this point really holding out on any speculation, really just character building so far and laying foundations for the characters and story. I am looking forward to where you plan on taking this story, as well as the interactions with both worlds and the characters. Thanks for another chapter!

Another truley awsome chapter.....you made me so happy this night.

Well I'm glad I read that before going to bed, can't wait to see what happens when his buddy wakes up that should be good

1653271

As similar as Equestria is to Earth, I could not think of a way to have them share a language, not know about eachother, and not sound contrived. Likewise, there are some very specific reasons behind choosing an Alicorn, other than me just liking them, of course. The language barrier was definitely one. I'm glad you're enjoying this so far!

I just hope people give Etherea a chance before disliking my story...

1653578

I appreciate the post and I love to see people reading what I'm writing! Thanks!

1653841

Thanks! I thrive only with continued adoration. I'm like a changeling that way...

1654174
As much as it makes the writer's job easier to simply have no language barrier, when it is used there has to be some believable method with which to overcome the barrier. You used it, and it is most believable, at least in my eyes, that an Alicorn could learn another language through association and hearing of said language.

As for you choosing an Alicorn, it makes sense to me for a multitude of reasons. 1. Alicorns are fucking awesome (It seems we share that outlook!) 2. The magic required to pull off traveling across the barrier of space/time/dimensions would be very high, and the only non Alicorn that could manage such a feat would only be Twilight, as an Unicorn OC would be seen as way too 'overpowered' or 'Gary Stu'ish' if they did such a thing. 3. This is more of a coverall of "Because she is an Alicorn, she can do X/Y/Z". It allows for a much wider area of concepts and have them keep their believability. I for one am not knocking the use of an Alicorn even if others might comment that it is either overplayed or stereotypical or one of many other gripes people tend to have with the Alicorn OCs.

And I think Etherea will be a great character, I am assuming at this point that there will be some shenanigans while on Earth, and then even more in Equestria, as I would think (Mostly due to Romance tag and Story Title, rofl) that Etherea and him will fall in love, and by the time she gets back the power to return, or folks come looking for her, that they will be heavily invested in each other emotionally and will not want to part. Plus, there is always the story content of what one loses to gain/keep something else. Life is a series of tradeoffs and exchanges.

Anyways, really looking forward to the next chapter(s) of this story, and it seems to be doing rather well too. A 10:1 Ratio of the votes is pretty solid in my eyes, keep up the good work!

1654090

This chapter was initially supposed to cover a lot more ground. I was going to take it up to about noon-ish, but once again, as I kept adding things, it grew well beyond what I thought it would. As I got in to the meat of it I started trying to pick out good alternate stopping points. Her first demanding words were one option, but so little had happened before then that I felt it was a cop out to another cliffhanger. I really wanted to write more than that. The other was much later in the day. This stopping point? Completely by accident. The characters were taking a break, so I thought it would be perfect if I did as well.

1654359

This! This entire post is what I live for. Oh the beans I could spill! But no, I must resist the urge. I must dole them out piecemeal and only as the story requires.

Alicorns are fucking awesome (It seems we share that outlook!)

Yes. Ponies are stumpy. Alicorns are sleek. Ponies are adorable. Alicorns are majestic. Ponies are relatively ordinary. Alicorns are exotic. Ponies do some amazing things and teach us valuable lessons. Alicorns do that AND have the potential for maximum asskickatry. (ass-kick-a-tree) What little I know about Alicorns is so much more interesting than all that I know about regular ponies.

And Alicorns are tall. For some reason I like 'em tall.

1654619

Thank you! I hope you still enjoyed the story.

Expecting some good things from this story!

Keep it up!
So far, i like how it is going. Seems realistic enough (apart from the obvious of course)
So yeah, good luck on writing! You have my fave + like

Well.... having her closed in house is bad thing but..well. I would rather trust myself than Earth Gov. Politicians are...well. Nope! Better for her and safer to stay with the guy than end up in some lab.

1655809

I ran in to other problems when I started thinking about how to not have ponies and humans share diseases. I thought that making ponies to be solidified magic (the way matter is solidified energy... sort of... I think) would be an interesting way to do it. It would prevent diseases from being shared because on a fundamental level ponies and humans would be completely different. Good idea, huh? Nope! A pony made of magic, that lives on magic, would die very quickly on Earth... unable to breathe and all that.

Just chalking it up to different species works so much better. I did keep some of the idea though.

1657602

I like my fantasies to be as realistic as possible!

1657673

Yup. Like Alex hinted... Neither is a great option, but one is somewhat better than the other.

Your fiction continues to enthrall me, sir. I was eagerly awaiting the moment our protagonist and his otherworldly guest would begin their first true interactions, and you did not disappoint with what you delivered. You've managed to take a concept I've seen botched with contrivance and facepalmery and not only make it work, but elevate it to excellence. The narrative is one of the best aspects of it, Alex is just such a likable and identifiable guy, and not so perfect that he doesn't get a little offended even when called out for stuff that is properly his fault--but at the same time not stupid enough to be annoying about it.

Etherea, too, manages to be an extremely interesting character. I've got oodles and oodles of questions about her already that are not of the "uh, why is she so hax?" variety, and that is the sign of a good OC. The language barrier was an interesting twist I don't think I've seen anybody tackle (not to say they haven't, but I've yet to see it personally), and you did an admirable job coming up with "Equestrian" for her to speak. Even when unintelligible, she carried a lot of personality, and even more so once she eliminated that barrier. Like Alex, she's a charming but imperfect character, letting her Royal Temper and a not-unreasonable dose of panic get the better of her at times, but tempers it with sage advice no doubt gleaned from certain older and wiser alicorns. She feels like a rounded, fleshed-out character rather than just a perfect pretty for our hero to fawn over and I'm perhaps as eager to learn more about her as he is.

To say nothing of looking forward to the inevitable hilarity of her first meeting with the roommate.

And y'know, one thing I don't think anybody's addressed in the comments that is going to be a similarly interesting problem to tackle. Alex is going to have to go back to work, eventually. And he can't very well take her with him. Which means she is going to be stuck alone in his apartment for hours on end.

Which, of course, means that hijinks of one form or other are inevitable.

You've seriously got me by the nose with this story. Can't wait to see more! You've got a real gift.

really enjoying this so far. Cant wait to see his roommates reaction when he get up prob forgetting all about the pony.

The thing that i cant agree on is the fact that he's taking all the blame. Sure he deserves some blame for the way he started trolling her (not to mention his roommate) but most of it is her fault. She's the one who decided to do the spell and push through with it even when something was obviously wrong. Anger over what someone has said/done is all well and good but your actions are still yours to make. Blaming others for what you choose to do on your own isn't a good personality trait.

1660724 Just to dispel a commonly held myth... "Sirrah" is not an honorific, it is an insult. Now you know. Please spread the word!

1662493 And knowing is half the battle! Noted and edited, thanks.

1663295

Color me impressed.

From your comments, it sounds like you put a lot of thought into this story, and it shows. The characterizations are strong (especially for OCs), the narrative is well paced and flows wonderfully, you seem to have a good sense for comedic timing and when to let the serious moments sink in, and you did a good job with "show, don't tell". I feel like this story has the potential for a lot of great world-building, which is interesting considering it's actually a PoE.

Really, there's just tons of originality here. In concept and in execution.

There are a couple of things that did catch my attention, however. While the story itself is good, the writing can sometimes be a little awkward. Not in the sense of how it flows, mind you... but with little things: Such as your total lack of use of contractions outside of dialogue. It'd be perfectly fine if it was 3rd person omniscient, but the informal nature of 1st person POV (especially with such an "every day guy" character) clashes noticeably with the lack of contractions. The occasional use of "passed" instead of "past". And the occasional mix up of tenses.

Nothing that a decent editor or pre-reader can't catch for you, and certainly not enough to greatly detract from my enjoyment of the tale.

Overall, I'm thoroughly enjoying your story and I can't wait to see where it goes.

Side note: Some of the scenes in this chapter somewhat reminded me of The Finger Trap, a little bit. In particular, they reminded me of this scene (in case you've never read it):

"Good, good." Patterson shuffled some papers on his desk. "Then let me bring you up to speed on what's happened since then. Animal control called NASA. NASA called us. We brought Ms. Sparkle and everyone else here. Now we're interviewing everyone who made contact with Ms. Sparkle in order to formulate a plan of action."

"And what are you doing with Ms. Sparkle herself?" I asked. "A good old-fashioned alien autopsy?"

"No, Mr. Parker," he said as gruffly as he could manage, which was quite a bit. "That's only in movies and TV shows."

"Really? Would you do one if I asked nicely? Heck, I'll even pay you for it." I should note here that I didn't really want to see Twilight in the morgue. I sometimes use inappropriate humor as a coping mechanism. "'Cause ever since she showed up, she's been a thorn in my side, so if you could make her go away, --"

Patterson cut me off. "Mr. Parker, have you ever seen E.T.?"

"Uh... yeah," I said. "Who hasn't?"

"Have you ever seen the alternate ending," he asked, "where E.T.'s alien buddies come back to pick him up, find out we've slaughtered him like an animal, and nuke our population centers in retaliation?"

"Um..." I scratched the back of my neck. "Was that before or after they replaced the guns with walkie-talkies?"

"Neither," he said, furrowing his brow. "It was never a part of the movie. And do you know why?"

"Because..." I hesitated. "Because it would have destroyed the film thematically?"

"Because we don't go around cutting aliens open without a damn good reason! Our policy toward extraterrestrial intelligences is and always has been to show them the same deference we would show any other official guest of the United States. That includes respecting their funerary customs, so even if one came to our world already dead, we wouldn't do an autopsy until we could confirm that their family or other basic social unit was okay with it."

Sir,I've been looking for a story such as this for a long time xD I can't wait to read more :3

This has been pretty good so far. Earth is obviously an alien planet for the pony and it scares her. Our human is scared, overwhelmed, but compassionate. I like this.

1660724

Oh wow... I'm so very flattered! I am just trying to write a story here. I don't know if I can properly express just how giddy your comment made me. I just hope I can keep up to the expectations I'm creating.

1662478

Well, what can I say? He knows what's going on, thinks he knows what's going to happen, and knows that she doesn't know either of those things... He's feeling pretty bad for subjecting her to everything. Sure, she did the teleport, but he's the one who began the entire process of pissing her off bad enough to make a personal visit. I'll keep in mind that I might have laid it on a bit thick. Thanks for letting me know! (stupid downvoters who won't tell me what's wrong...)

1664715

I keep thinking about the contraction thing as I'm writing these. There are plenty of times that I've seen horrible contractions, abbreviations, or simply partial words that detract horribly when used in other works. (Ex: She told spike to look on the top shelf for a book with some info on the subject) My goal was to avoid that, but you're right. Every time I've written 'cannot' it has left me feeling weird. Which probably means that I've erred on the side of being too formal.

As for my use of 'passed,' I'm figuring out that it is a fun one. 'Past' is proper as an adverb, but not as a verb... Ugh. For some reason I thought 'past' was technically proper only when referring to time in some sense. Now I have to reevaluate each use for combination with a separate verb for motion. I R gud wid the word speak.

And thanks! I had not read The Finger Trap. That story and mine are shaping up to share some things, but I doubt I can maintain PPG Hunter's level of comedic snark.

1666726>>1666844

Me too! I always like stories like this, but they're so few and far between. Sometimes you just have to do things yourself!

1667448 WELL 2 long weeks on the road from california to mexico city for vacation time and when I'm finally in the city with working wifi what do I find?
The promising romance story I have waited weeks for! (Not to mention I caught up with this weeks and last weeks episode of Mlp)
This day can't get any better truly xD

I'm very happy how you handled first contact
With these 2 the equestrian language was also beautifully well made even when I couldn't understand her you can still get a sense of character from her, not to mention etherea is such a beautiful name.

So all in all while I'm here till the end of december I'll be really looking forward to more chapters from this great story!

Ps: your not the only one who likes'em tall xD

1679377

Glad you're enjoying this! I might not be making the featured box, but some of the comments I've been getting are worth so much more.

Fun fact. 'Etherea' was originally a placeholder until I could find something that didn't sound so... contrived? That was back when I was still debating whether to use a canon character or an OC. I think I've come up with a suitable special talent that fits the 'placeholder,' so now it's staying.

1704763 well I already placed this story in the appropriate groups so more people will be giving this a read for sure and depending on how long the story itself is you'll eventually get featured XP

A placeholder really ? (shrugs) well your stuck with etherea now anyway I can't wait to find out the special talent she possesses, cause you know.... you aren't gunna tell me xDD

Your story is really solid. The MC is smart and his actions show it, he cover his bases (by hiding all sort of stuff) when he stresses out it makes sense (overthinking ALL THE THINGS) and doesnt go into "stupid/emo" territory. She react in ways that make sense, none of it just go into "lets just take away the awkward details and jump straight into the plot, the easy way"... Nope, the characters are well rounded and believable, they overcome (more or less) mundane obstacles and that "color" them a lot.

All the details are interesting. It shows how the characters think and analyze what they see, how they work with the world. That's the sort of things that makes a story FUN to read.

My mind wandering: Right now i kinda expect that Ethera will have a breakdown sooner or later. She reacts well and thinks on her.. hooves. But i kinda see it as her still being in shock, not actually having "accepted" that she isnt home, not even near it, alone.

Also, when she will find out that humans have knowledge about MLP-FIM and MC was keeping it from her.. sparks will probably fly.

Craig is an interesting card, like the funny yet very much normal person that contrast with the knowing "brony" MC. Works well.

And the details about her needing to keep her harmony intact is very interesting. Harmony is the source of magic, so what if it goes up? Down? (looking at horrible human things might not help her there) How can a human help bolster it (love/friendship i suppose). Edit - In a way, is harmony a quantity or a quality? Quantity as its a "thing" that can be measured, a quality as in its all in the perception of self (or whatever other psychological bit that would fit)?? Both?
Like i said, interesting. Cant wait to see you/her explain that element more.

Good story. Keep it up!

1706757

Unfortunately the first seven slots of the featured box are a rating of a story's instant popularity. It has nothing to do with the story's rating, nor how many total views. It's all about which stories have been visited by the most people recently. (which gives a higher chance of more ratings) I've seen truly terrible stories get there because dozens of people posted in the response section. I don't think my story will get there unless a hundred people suddenly show up here.

The last three spots are for updated stories. I don't know if ratings or traffic affects those because they change too often. So, I might get in those? I don't know.

1708720

Good to hear that my characters feel well-rounded! I wanted realism, and the votes of confidence are encouraging!

And Alex has a lot of questions about Harmony as well!

1709836 (shrugs) I thought it was the first 5 slots that are popular while the next 5 are updates well whatever then >w> :P still a great story

She finaly woke up! Oh man so it's an OC? Why do that? I don't have nothing against that, but something tells my gut that you choosed that for a good reason, counting that this story is solid.

Alex isn't really in the wrong... A representative of the government aggressively invaded the territory of a sovereign state with hostile intentions... Pretty sure that could, and most likely would, be viewed as an act of war. Not to mention she broke into his home, to attack him, made a mess of the place, then insulted him.

Loved the way you incorporated the language barrier! You didn't just jump into "hi, I'm a pony, and I miraculously speak perfect English!"

Feeling very resigned to an unfortunate fate, I got off the couch. It is an achingly slow process as I try to go without making a sound.

The sudden tense inconsistency here (I got off the couch, it is a slow process) is significantly jarring. I'd recommend changing the second sentence to use the past tense to fit the rest of the paragraph.

The years of working in customer service were finally paying off... with a perfect poker voice.

Well put -- I love this description.

She hissed through her teeth before tilted ever so slightly to one side, and I worried that she was in no condition to try whatever she was up to.

"She hissed before tilted" doesn't parse. It should be either "She hissed before she tilted" or "She hissed before tilting".

2079602
That's how it worked in the show.

Does that mean Discord is little more than a sentient, mobile super disease?!
Just like Alex Mercer!

2801445And that's why Infamous is better
m.quickmeme.com/meme/3r4e7e/

"Esu lyon orun equsar"

Is there like a translator somewhere that does this?

anyone got a translator for what she said earlier?

I love this fic :D

Oh man this is GREAT!!! I absoultely LOVE this fic!

wow this guy is amazing I LOVE THIS STORY

Gritting her teeth and clamping her eyes shut preceded her horn's halo coming alive again. She hissed through her teeth before tilted ever so slightly to one side,

Tilting

And then was ruined almost immediately as Dimble, who, tired me not sharing what I was cooking,

Tired of me

She did eventually push him bodily to the side with a tentative hoof though.

Comma between

That I was just being alarmist.

Being an alarmist
———
More into, in to abuse, but that's not so bad.

You know what, pancakes really do make everything better. I recently suffered some bad news and the first thing I did the next day was make pancakes.

Pancakes? They're alright, but when you really want a sweet treat, waffles are the way to go.

6968884
Fried chicken and waffles.
A winning combination. Very tasty.