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The small mouses walk

A mouse, lost, hurt, and afraid, makes its way to the only pony it thinks can help. Its a shame the mouse is too injured to be helped.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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TCC56

TCC56 #1 · June 10th · 3 · ·

In-fact, I'm fairly certain it isn't.

And you would be wrong.

This was good. Concise, well written, effective. It used one of the unspoken Fluttershy aspects well and I liked the symmetry between the start and end. For a first story, you're significantly above the average. I say good job.

Cyanners

Cyanners #2 · June 10th · 1 · ·

11925232
Thank you, that means a lot. I was raised homeschooled, so when I say this is my first attempt at writing, I mean that seriously. It just wasn't part of my parents curriculum. I'm definitely looking forward to writing more advanced stories, but it'll take me awhile to get there.

Aklinstar

Aklinstar #3 · June 10th · 1 · ·

I thought it was great! The reversal of fortune between the mouse and snake, with the mouse starting off having a great day at the start of the chapter, and that leading to the snake having a good day with that punchline at the end, was well executed! Excellent work.

iisaw

iisaw #4 · 3 weeks ago · · ·

For a first effort, this is very good! It's nice to see a kind-hearted Fluttershy that still is well aware of the realities of nature.

I'd recommend getting someone to pre-read for you, though. It is so hard to catch your own typos and word-use errors. Believe me, I've learned that through hard experience!

Hope to see more from you!