Just your run of the mill brony.
In a realm forged with magic, might and war a certain sorcerer seeks to learn as much as he can, but when the king begins to distrust his rise of strength the sorcerer decides it might be time for an adventure else where. He certainly didn't expect to arrive in one so colorful and safe, or is it?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hey guys and gals, if you read my little fic you can let me know what you think! And if you do read it, Thanks for taking the time too.
I like this, and I look forward to seeing more. Keep it up, and *faves and upvotes* There's your reward for this chapter.
Good, but you forgot to capitalize a I in there.
Thank you for the comments and thanks for points out my grammar mistakes, I can be pretty bad sometimes.
excellnet, but i would suggest slowing down, your rushing through yor descriptions, also USE THE DAMN COMMAS!
Alrighty got chapter 2 out! The ball is rolling now. Just to let you know I wanted to get chapter 2 out tonight so I ended up using my iPod to do so. God help you when you reach near the end, I'm just saying that with apple tech this was difficult and hard to correct, and autocorrect may have thrown something weird in there. If so I'm so sorry and will try to fix ASAP. If you read and found something just awful let me know. Again thank you for taking the time to read! And if you have any super awesome ideas let me know!
My iPod=
still your,help." (take out the random comma)
luckily Rainbow Dash but in and told her story. (butted in?)
"it was amazing, but then the stick I was holding burst into fire." The Sorcerer then cringed, "Then the field light on fire," The Sorcerer then brought the hoof to his chest. "Then I kinda, light on fire." (May I suggest burst into flame field lit on fire, Then i kinda lit on fire)
After a berief lesson in bathroom edicate (brief and etiquette)
the bag was envelopes in the same glow, but when he tried to move it he suddenly felt a great stain. His horn flared then the light died, but in the brief period he had managed to slip it off, and unto the ground. (enveloped, pain, onto?)
The bag was dark brown and seemed to be made of canvass, (I believe the material is one 's' so, canvas)
in side was his enchanted longsword only now it was a shortsword (inside is one word)
Instead o trying again (Instead of)
The last thought unseddled him a bit, (unsettled)
That should do it, and glad to help find those. Hope I don't seem to harsh.
Not a bad start for a story, though it can use some more spacing between characters talking, and maybe a slightly slower pace with more descriptions. You are relying way too much on dialogue to move the story along, try and add in some more prose.
I love these stories of Wizards and such going to Equestria! I can't wait to see what you do with this story! (And am wondering if/when the Paladin will show up. XD)
Thank you so much for the help NeoAlicornofTwilight, it was a great help and don't worry I won't take any harsh comments to heart, so fire them away if anything is amiss. I'll try to lessen the amount of dialogue, thanks for the idea Midnight_Quill
and don't worry I got plans for that Paladin...
Do MOAR story NAO!!!!
I saw Might and Magic in the same sentence.
*dramatic noises*
Moar!
1530910 Yes more!
New chapter! Duh dun dah Dun! Anyways tried to update the other chapters a bit, fix any mistakes and so forth, thank you to everyone for the positive encouragement and ill try my best to release chapters in a more orderly rate. Love all of you -Blaze Mane
Lol pinkie
loved the imp