The Princess & The Coward

Princess Celestia throws a New Years Eve celebration, only to find a unwanted guest has arrived.

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Comments ( 9 )

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unavailable

unavailable #1 · Dec 29th, 2011 · 1 · ·

What the...

Cryogenical

Cryogenical #2 · Dec 29th, 2011 · 1 · ·

very hard to follow.

Erebus Cantillon

Erebus Cantillon #3 · Dec 29th, 2011 · 1 · ·

I'm apparently learning to write fairly good "dark" stories, and I'm just getting low marks. Might have to revise my writing strategies/topics. I don't mind the low marks btw, if you guys don't mind explaining why it was bad or whatever.

0 #4 · Dec 29th, 2011 · 1 · ·

You have to build up tension.
Celestia is a tiny bit off.
Pasing is somewhat fast.
The way you use paragraphs is kinda weird.
Grammar and etc., IDK .
Instead of , you got
Sometimes characters must be by themselves, not just a plot device. Sometimes not.
I dont think is horrible.

Greetings

Erebus Cantillon

Erebus Cantillon #5 · Dec 29th, 2011 · 1 · ·

95158 Thanks for the critique. The paragraph thing was experimental.

Hilltopper

Hilltopper #6 · Dec 29th, 2011 · 1 · ·

There's... not enough to it I think. We don't "get" your references. A small reference pool, I think, as I have some idea that all of the phantoms besieging Celestia are supposed to be allegorical figures...

ARBPW