In The City
The streets of Canterlot had never felt more lonely.
It didn't help that it was late, maybe an hour or so until midnight, and a large portion of the population was asleep. Save for a couple late-night bars and restaurants (which were few and far between), everything was closed. Most of the storefronts were dark. The streets were almost completely empty, with only a few ponies still about, some of them clearly having consumed a little more alcohol than they should’ve.
And then there was me, of course.
The city was typically much more vibrant and animated during the day. Once or twice I'd tried to enjoy it, taking the time to visit some of the more storied establishments or even trying new ones. All the ponies that ran them seemed to give me a little extra courtesy, likely because of me being the only human their world has ever seen. But then there were days like this one, where I didn't feel as much like being around anyone. I stayed in a small one-story house that the princesses had provided me with when I got here, after I had turned down their offer of a room in their castle, and that was where I had been holed up for most of the day. Now, with the sun long gone, I had decided to take a walk, figuring I wouldn't run into anyone and could wallow in my miserable thoughts without interruption.
As it turned out, this was a pitiful idea. Instead of providing any sort of ease to my mind, I only felt worse as I walked aimlessly down quiet, empty roads. Every so often, the silence would be penetrated by the ambience of one of those places that was still open, with the sound of ponies talking meeting my ears. I didn't take the time to listen to what they were saying, but I could tell that a large majority of the voices bleeding into the night air were slurred. Considering the time and circumstances, that wasn't a surprise. I sighed. As wasted as they might be, at least they were enjoying themselves.
The reason for my melancholy was simple: I missed home.
It wasn’t like I had a model life before all of this. Honestly, I could argue that I was even lonelier on Earth than I had been since I’d arrived in Equestria. I definitely couldn’t deny the hospitality I’d been shown by the princesses, who were devoted to looking out for me.
But as grateful as I was for all of that, I hadn't asked for any of this to happen. Apparently some sort of spell had gone wrong, and that had led to me being dragged into this world in a very unfortunate (and slightly painful) manner. Without any sort of warning, everything I was familiar with was taken away from me and replaced with this strange place. The only thing I retained from the human world was my phone, which I eventually deemed useless due to it no longer being able to turn on. Basically, I was stranded with no idea where I was, surrounded by talking ponies that were a good deal shorter than me (save for the princesses). As you might imagine, I didn't take it very well.
Princess Celestia, the first pony I met and learned the name of, promised me that she would find a way to get me back home. I had slept in one of the castle’s guest rooms for those first few days while she attempted to figure it out, but it never happened. There was no explanation as to how I could possibly get back to where I came from. She told me she would not stop investigating, and would get to the bottom of it as soon as possible, but for all intents and purposes I was stuck here.
Celestia provided ample opportunities for me to get settled, including offering me a job in her castle to earn my keep. It didn’t take long for me to come to appreciate her and her sister Luna, largely because of how dedicated they seemed to be towards helping me adjust. I had turned down Celestia’s aforementioned job offer, instead opting to search for a more simple occupation in the city. But over the past week I hadn’t found anything that suited me, and in a few days the bits, or pony money, that Celestia had given me to keep me on my feet were going to run out. I had been hoping to find some kind of hobby that I could get by on, but all the things that I thought I enjoyed felt lackluster to me. I had a couple guesses as to why.
As I had been reminded by both princesses multiple times, spending time alone didn’t benefit me or my mood. Celestia had told me about the positives of going and finding friends, but in a world full of talking ponies that had never seen anything like me before, was it really that easy?
The answer was no. I couldn’t help but feel sick of being an alien. It wasn’t that the ponies weren’t friendly, because they were. But I was still stared at fairly often, which is why I didn’t go out a lot. For all I knew, these ponies were only personable with me because I was close to their leaders. It was thoughts like that prevented me from feeling any kind of accepted by them. I couldn’t tell if their courtesies were genuine.
I kicked a small rock down the cobblestone road as I walked, watching the pebble tumble across the much larger, smoother rocks beneath it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want friends. If anything, that was what I wanted the most. I wanted someone, or at this point something that could bring me out from under this dark cloud I’d been under pretty much as long as I’d been here. But who would that be? I had no clue which ponies I could really count on and which ones would only see me as a connection. One of the joys of knowing I didn’t fit in.
“Zach.” A voice from behind me yanked me from my thoughts, giving my heart a jolt.
I whipped around to see who had said my name. Standing behind me was Princess Luna, her ethereal star-studded mane flowing elegantly as her teal eyes met mine. I blinked at their intensity, momentarily struck dumb.
She spoke again. “What are you doing out here so late?” Her voice was calm, yet there was a firmness to it. It almost made me feel like I’d been caught in a wrong.
“Just taking a walk,” I grumbled, directing my gaze at the ground in front of me. It came out a little more hostile than I had intended, though, and it showed in Luna’s reaction.
“Zach, please,” she said gently. “Do tell me what it is that burdens your mind. My concern for you only grows when I see that you are wallowing in your despair as opposed to sleeping at this time of night.”
“What?” I balked. “Why would you say that? I’m… fine. Just wanted to clear my head is all.”
It was a lie, and not even a convincing one at that. Luna saw through it immediately.
“Please,” she said sternly, holding up a hoof. “Do not pretend. I know you, Zach, as does my sister. You wear your emotions like a crown, heavy on both your head and your image. It could not be more plain that you are not happy here. But despite our efforts to reach you, you neglect to confide in us.”
I had no answer to that, so Luna continued.
“Even if I did not know you as I do, I am still the Princess of the Night. Your dreams have not exactly been pleasant, although I have yet to fully understand them. I do not know why you so adamantly wish to suffer in silence.”
I kicked at the ground awkwardly like a first-grader being lectured by his teacher. I definitely had my reasons for not talking to Luna about this, and even with her here pressing the issue, they remained.
But, I realized, I couldn’t just sit here and be stubborn. She was one of the two ponies in this world who I could somewhat trust. If I was ever gonna have this conversation, this might as well have been the time. I took a deep breath. “You know what’s bothering me?” I asked, looking her in the eye again. “I miss home.”
Luna’s face betrayed no reaction. “I am aware,” she said simply.
“But I don’t just miss home,” I continued. “I miss being normal. I’m not gonna pretend I had an entourage of people that cared about me before I got here. But at least I could control how other people saw me. I could be equal with everyone else. Here, I can’t stop these ponies from seeing me as an alien. I can’t stop them from staring because they don’t know what I am. I don’t belong here, Luna.” Those last five words formed a lump in my throat, making it a little more difficult to say them.
The princess tilted her head slightly. “But that is where you are wrong,” she said, giving me a searching look.
“How?” I replied. “You and Celestia are the only ones that don’t care what I am. When I stayed in the castle, it seemed like every pony in there had to adjust to my presence. Even the guards looked at me funny. Why would I want to go and make friends with creatures that probably wouldn’t even understand me?”
“Have you tried?” Luna said quietly.
“No,” I replied. “And I know you want to tell me I’m just assuming. But you can’t deny that I’m not supposed to be here. If it wasn’t for the fact that I knew you, I would be an outcast.” I realized that the tone of my voice was beginning to rise, and I went back to looking at the ground sheepishly.
Luna kept her cool. “Perhaps you possess knowledge that I do not,” she said, “because I have not seen anypony treat you with anything other than respect. I cannot deny that you are different, nor can I deny that every so often you may be judged for it. But Celestia and I would not encourage you to join our society if we felt it was unwise. There is no question that it would take time for some ponies to get used to you. But that does not mean that you will not be welcomed, and even embraced by those you show kindness to. You must understand this.”
I felt chastised, but I couldn't say it wasn't necessary. She wasn't wrong in her point, but her words failed to quell the tide of doubt that so frequently rose in me when it came to this subject. I wanted to believe her. But I just couldn't push aside the notion that any hospitality I was granted was because of my relations.
As if she had read my mind, Luna spoke again. “Do not believe that any hospitality you are shown is disingenuous. I assure you, not every pony in Canterlot seeks to take advantage of your relation to me and my sister. There are some, but they are few. I highly doubt you have dealt with any of them yet.”
I cast a helpless look around the quiet street, trying to make proper sense of her words. I knew she wouldn’t lie to me, but I still didn’t feel any sort of comforted. “What makes you so sure?” I asked her. “How can you be so confident that I’ll be accepted here?”
Luna stared at me for a moment, and I worried that I was beginning to wear her patience. To my relief, however, she simply let out a sigh. “Come. Walk with me,” she said, turning and starting up the road.
Bewildered, I sprinted to catch up before falling into step beside her. Without looking at me, she spoke again. “I once bore a mentality quite similar to yours.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, frowning. That didn't make sense. “Aren’t you like a god here?”
Luna finally turned to me, giving me a somewhat bitter smile. “You speak more of my sister. Yes, a good percentage of ponies think highly of me, but it is more of a recent phenomenon. I was once something of an outcast myself.”
I couldn't hide my surprise. Princess Luna, an outcast? “You were?” I said.
She nodded. “Yes. Around a year before you arrived here, I made my return to Canterlot from the moon, to which I had been banished by my sister. I was corrupted, far from myself, and in order to preserve harmony Celestia trapped me inside it for a thousand years.”
I blanched. “A thousand years? What did you to deserve that?” Not only did hearing such an immense time frame surprise me, but Celestia banished her? I tried to think of what Luna could have done that was so horrendous her own peace-loving sister would turn against her, but came up empty.
Luna lowered her voice. “As I said, I was corrupted. I wasn’t myself. I had… fallen victim to an entity, one that promised to grant me my selfish desires. As a result, I was sent away. There is hardly a day that passes that I do not regret my course of actions.” I noticed a grimace form on her face, her words clearly reminding her of the past she spoke of.
I couldn't help but feel a little bad. I figured Luna was this high and mighty being just like her sister, if not a bit more reserved at times. We walked in silence for a minute or so, both my shoes and her hooves clopping against the cobblestone, before she continued.
“Upon my return, I was not immediately welcomed. Naturally, my sister embraced me with open arms. But almost all of ponykind still saw me as a monster. I was still widely feared, or even resented by some.” The sound of glass breaking rang out into the night, and I turned in all directions trying to determine where it came from. Luna, however, remained unfazed, not breaking her stride. I assumed it was a bottle or something, from one of the bars that was undoubtedly about to close by this point. Drunk ponies smashing things late at night was not an unorthodox occurrence, but it was still a bit strange to me.
Bringing myself back to the conversation, I considered Luna’s words. “So peop—er, ponies, I mean, didn’t like you? They were either scared of you or mad at you?”
Luna nodded. “After a while, they began to recognize that I was myself again, simply the Princess of the Night. I was gradually accepted by society again with time, but not everypony has gotten past what I once was. Some ponies still see the Nightmare in me. I cannot pretend that it is not a sensitive topic for me, nor can I deny that it pains me to occasionally see a guard eye me cautiously as I move about the castle. I know I have not been completely forgiven. There are ponies that may never cease to see me as a monster, a villain. I have yet to come to terms with that fact.” She stopped walking, taking a moment to look up at the moon above. I turned my head skyward as well, trying to imagine what being stuck inside the little white ball would be like.
To be honest, I didn’t know what to say. All of my problems suddenly seemed smaller, more insignificant and childish. I was over here pouting over being in a new place and being scared to make friends, while Luna was still being seen as a disgrace by her own kind because of her past. It didn’t take a detective to determine who had the bigger struggle. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, with no better responses coming to mind.
“Do not be,” the princess replied, turning to me. "It is... not as much of a concern as it may have sounded."
I sighed. I understood where she was going with this. She wanted me to see her point, and I couldn't fault her for trying to relate to me. And I felt bad about what had happened to her, but it didn't exactly fix how I felt. Not really sure how to vocalize that, I stayed quiet as we continued to walk. Luna must have understood, because she didn't press the issue.
After a few more minutes, I spoke. "I hate being an alien," I said bluntly. "It sucks."
Without breaking stride, Luna responded. "I am aware," she said. "But what I am not aware of is why you do not see how you can change that fact."
"I..." I started before trailing off. I could change that fact. I knew she was referring to the simple act of getting out and making friends, but there was still that fear in me. There were still so many things I wasn't used to here, something in me made it hard to stomach the idea of surrounding myself with pony friends, even if I was never going to see another regular person again. "I guess this is just still so new," I managed to finish. "I wouldn't even know where to start."
"I understand," the princess replied. "And I have felt the same way before. If you do not wish to... integrate yourself in this society the same way I or my sister have, I assure you we will not judge you. Even if you decide to shut yourself away from everyone, including us."
I caught the proper address and was immediately grateful for it. "However," Luna continued before I could say anything, "you know where we stand on this. I do not believe it beneficial to fend on your own. I have yet to gain a proper understanding of what you were used to in your home world, but solitude is nothing more than an option here. It is hardly regarded as a way of life, and you would be hard pressed to find any sort of any encouragement on it."
I noticed one of the bars down the road go dark, and watched as a pony stepped out of the door and closed it behind them. The jingle of keys rang out into the night as they locked up, and without even noticing me or Luna they proceeded to trot off to who knew where.
I stopped walking for a moment, watching as they rounded a corner and disappeared. I stared at the spot I had last seen them for a moment, somewhat transfixed, before I turned and noticed Luna staring at me. I thought I saw sadness in her eyes for a moment, but her expression became unreadable so quickly I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it.
"Keep an open mind, Zach," she said, not taking her eyes off of mine. "As alien as you may be, do not ever feel as if you will be turned away."
Hearing those words made me realize how much I had longed for a conversation like this back home. For a moment I started to question what I really missed. I had been lonely. I wasn't exactly an introvert, but I had never felt truly welcomed by the community I had lived in. I always felt like I had to live a life of solitude. Like it was necessary. Here, as I had already been told, it was not. And it was in that moment, staring into the large turquoise eyes that seemed to drill straight into my soul, that I let it seep in. I didn't have complete resolve, but I felt... different.
Luna reached out to put a hoof on my shoulder. I was probably making myself pretty easy to read, so it didn't surprise me that she felt the need to show her support. "Thanks," I said, bringing my hand up to grasp the silver-clad appendage. It was surprisingly warm.
“All I ask is that you understand that your situation is not like mine. You are not a monster, and as far as I know, you never were. There may be a pony or two that will see you as such, simply for lack of knowledge as to your species. But those that have met you can recognize that even if you are not a familiar being, you are a good soul, And here in Equestria, something such as that can go a long way.” She gave me a gentle smile as she retracted her hoof.
I tried my best to avoid choking up. It amazed me that Luna cared about me as much as she did, to the point she was willing to wade through the murky waters of her past just for me to see her point of view. I found myself feeling a rush of gratitude towards the princess, even though I wasn't sure what my next move was going to be should I decide to listen to her advice. "Thank you," I said, trying and failing to keep the emotion out of my voice. "It means a lot to hear that." Composing myself, I added something else. "I'm grateful for the support, but... why do you care so much about me? I mean, we couldn't possibly be more different."
"Well," Luna replied. "I mentioned this earlier. You feel something now that I felt long ago. It is not exactly a fun thing to go through. But you are not a close-minded being. On this I am certain. Even with my limited knowledge I can see that you are not as reserved as you like to appear. And I would dare to say we are not as different as you may think." She gave me a knowing smile.
"Maybe you're right," I said, breaking into a grin of my own. I was starting to realize how much I enjoyed her company.
"Oh?" said the princess, replacing the smile with more of a smirk. "And here I thought I would never get through to the alien human too good for friends."
The sudden humor caught me off guard, but I found myself laughing. "Alright, alright," I said. "I'll be more social. I don't think any pony or human could have the conversation that I just did and not agree with you."
Luna put a hoof to her chest and stuck her muzzle in the air. "Of course. I would properly acknowledge your sentiments, but another thing I am is modest. I am too humble to revel in your praises."
I laughed again, feeling like all the tension and heaviness from earlier was lifted. This was a side of Luna I rarely got to see, if I'd ever seen it at all, and I loved it. Only she could go from being introspective and thoughtful one moment to being witty and unserious the next. And the best thing about it was, it was helping me feel way better. I started walking again, and without missing a beat she fell into stride beside me.
"I must ask," she said, turning to me again, "have you ever met Princess Twilight Sparkle?"
"Nope," I replied. I'd heard her name once or twice from Celestia, but I'd never gotten a chance to meet her before. "Why? She someone important?"
"Well, I just think she would find your mentality on a night such as this very disheartening."
"Why's that?"
"She's the Princess of Friendship."
"Really?" I replied, unable to hold back my laughter. Only in this world would there be a princess of friendship. "Think maybe I should talk to her then?"
Luna thought about it for a moment. "Honestly, I do," she answered. "She has a very accepting group of friends. I think you would get along with them well."
I nodded. "I'll make sure to talk to Celestia about that." Remembering something else, I added, "Do you guys still have that job open for me in the castle?"
"There's always a job open, Zach. But I'm aware of what you mean, and I'm sure my sister would still employ you happily. Would you like me to put a word in for you?"
"Sure," I replied. "That'd be great."
"Consider it done," said Luna with a nod. "I trust you will talk to Twilight tomorrow?"
"If I can," I said. I had no clue where Twilight was, but I was sure I could find out by asking Celestia. I immediately moved that to the top of my mental to-do list.
"Good." Luna smiled again.
Looking around, I realized that we were now a good distance away from where we had started walking, and this was a part of the city I hadn't been in before. "Luna, where are we?" I asked.
"Ah," she said, stopping. "I suppose I should return you to your bed now. And please, Zach, no more late-night wandering. I have too many dreams to observe each night. I'm afraid I can't always be there to placate pouting humans." She gave me another sly smirk.
"Yeah, yeah," I said, grinning back. "So how am I getting back home?"
Luna smiled again. "Like this!" she said dramatically. Her horn began to glow, and in a flash I was removed from the street and transported to my bedroom with a small pop! Looking around, I wondered how the heck she had done that.
It took me a moment to realize that I wasn't in my house. The bedroom I thought was my own was actually the room I had stayed in originally, inside the castle. I smiled to myself again, realizing I was happy to be back. I flopped onto the large four-post bed, resisting the urge to fall asleep right then and there. I was tired, and the effects of being up this late at night wandering the city were starting to catch up to my body.
I settled myself properly into the bed. I needed sleep, and it now looked like tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.
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Great story, I loved the interactions between Zach and Luna along with Luna telling Zach of how she relates to feeling like an outcast due to her time being Nightmare Moon.
Heyo! Took me a while to get back to this. My folks bribed me to joining them on a trip, and we just got back.
Let me start with a foreward--and a sorta conclusion; as someone who believes in using the whole scale, I'd grade this a great 7/10. First off, lemme get to the loose ends.
That all aside, this is a great story. While the premise is tried-n-true, and rather expected of early fanfics back in the day, you have an excellent and solid foundations as a writer. You have good set up for environment and use of mood to well ease the reader into the POV of the characters. You have a timely cadance in the back and forth of dialogue, and best part about that is you don't exclusively rely on dialogue like a crutch. A very common pitfall most other writers fall into is writing their stories as paragraphs of dialogue, relegating the minutia of the scene and physical acting to the reader's imagination. You go the opposite, interspersing dialogue with tactful follow-thrus that turn writing into less of a chore and more of a spectacle, almost like TV/film. Zach does this, or Luna says that, and the other appropriately reacts in small gestures. You also pause dialogue at times to delve into the character's introspection, which is a technique that can further add depth. Those are what I look for in great writing; the [premise/action/reaction] moving forward, rhythm of dialogue, and the breadth and accent of supplementary details such as mannerisms and minor exposition thru thought.
In summary, while the premise is somewhat run-of-the-mill well after the peak of MLP fanfics, you wrote this very well. And barring my own wandering attention which is a hassle for me to deal with, you had my interest from start to finish. It was great talk with Luna, and I hope in your canon--even if you don't write it out, Zach's feeling better and doing fine.
Great job!
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I appreciate the review, homie! And I love the constructive criticism here.
Fair. If I'm being honest, it's not something I originally intended to center this around. Still though, I gotta say I'm happy with how it turned out.
THANK YOU. I was so proud of myself for that one 😂 a lot of this story was me experimenting with more intricate and descriptive wording. I'm glad you caught that.
I may go back in at some point and take a look at that. That part could probably use a little bit of rewriting.
Another part I was pretty proud of. Like I said, I was experimenting with more intricate wording, and I thought this was a highlight. Thanks for spotting it.
Gotcha. Didn't wanna go too in detail about the whole thing, but I can see how you're not really feeling that part. I hope it's not too glaring.
This is actually something I have consistently struggled with. I really wanted to improve the way I wrote dialogue, given if you look at my older stories a lot of it is bare and and lacks any real substance other than the words being spoken. In short, I used to rely on it heavy. I wanted to start fixing that.
I may or may not use Zach's character again in the future. I don't think I'm gonna write a sequel, but I feel like there's enough promise for me to use him in a future story. Could be interesting.
Once again, thanks for the review! I appreciate you taking the time to read this, homie 🙌🏼