• Member Since 1st May, 2020
  • offline last seen Sunday

Buck Swisher

I'm kinda classic...


An Ace Hardware employee has been promoted to manager.

Manager of an Ace Hardware store run by ponies.

Featured 9/18 - 9/20/2021!! 'Preciate y'all.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 53 )

I was DYING bc i was reading this while browsing for a toolbox at my local Ace

Oh wow, that's crazy man. Glad you liked it though.

Hi. I voted this up and it was fine; however, since you requested comments--given the previous manager's negativity toward the position--I was expecting terrible things to happen: spills, lawsuits, injuries, etc. to justify the promised drama and admittedly events were progressing in that direction, but in the end, everything was fine. In short, it's an interesting concept that promises great drama and it sort of peters out into a day in the life. This probably could have a "slice of life" tag. Its payoff conclusion is okay, but the story could have been improved by going for more endgame humor, darkness, or (combining in a twofor) dark humor.

(Also, none of the ponies except Windy seemed to have particularly pony-ish names, which was strange since early in the story it was mentioned that only one of the ponies had a human-sounding name).

I get that, I'll see if I can revise it a bit. Also adding the slice of life tag.

The very first thing that came to mind seeing the title was that damned jingle lmao
🎶Ace is the place with the helpful hardware folks.🎶

Best Wishes!

I suppose a different angle could be that the previous manager interpreted everything in a bad way and overreacted, while in fact, to your main character and a neutral or pony-positive observer although everything may on the surface seem concerning, deep down it is really amazing. You could play up that irony. (But I think you were aiming at the place actually being plagued by weird disasters--e.g. it may be heading towards a shut-down of the store due to its lack of profit-creation, or other reasons as discussed in my previous comment).

Wait, isn't the manager usually the one that locks up?

Ace is the Place with the Helpful Hardware Pones!

Hm. I would think that after enough times of kids running in and tackling ponies, they'd bring in a Bulk Biceps-esque pony to handle those situations one way or another. Either that or one or two masochistic ponies that actually enjoy that kind of excitement. If there are enough ponies around to run an Ace themselves, I'm sure they could put out a 'Help Wanted' for ponies like that and get a response, too.
That aside, the snarky comments about the American work force are pretty spot on. Upvoted for that alone. :rainbowlaugh:

...Huh. This seemed good, but more like the beginning of a multi-chapter story; when I finished the chapter, I was surprised to see that the story was marked complete. It feels like a lot was left unresolved, questions unanswered.
Still, I did enjoy what was there; thank you for writing. :)

"All was well for Dan and his store...until two weeks later..."

"Ellie had told her friends about the "pony store", who had told their friends, who had told theirs..."

"The first indication of trouble was that Saturday when a deep rumble was heard throughout the Ace. Dan and his staff wandered to the front of the store and stared out the plate glass windows. Their eyes shrunk to pinpricks as they watched a mob of little girls descending upon the place..."

"When the police showed up hours later, they found several traumatized ponies rocking in the fetal position, with a sole Human locked in his office..."

I think yall just work for terrible people... I got a raise when I move positions, and as a decent worker it's been implied I'll get another one. I haven't worked at this company for longer than a year.

A manager would definitely get a pay raise, even if it's insignificant. If you don't you should deny the promotion and quit on the spot. In seriousness though...

Hey, George is a wonderful name.

I appreciate you, fam. If you like my stuff, there's a button that'll tell you when I come out with somethin new...

This story clearly needs to be longer (or have a sequel of a more substantial length).

He gets really sad for no reason at all sometimes, so it's best to just avoid him. I once asked him for the weather and he got depressed.

Rather than Bobert simply not liking being spoken to for no obvious reason, I was expecting the punchline to be that he was a pegasus pony. And so asking him about the weather was a reminder that he was working retail instead of working the weather, with the prior manager not understanding the implication.

This was silly, I liked it. :pinkiehappy:

That song’s a classic.

I've gotten three raises at the place I work for in the last four years. Started out at $12 an hour, and now I'm making $19 an hour, and I've received a promotion as well. It is possible to get better pay here in the US. The labor market is very employee friendly right now, so there really isn't a reason to stay at a crappy job if there are other places hiring in your area.

Same, it triggered the second I saw the picture of an Ace Hardware store.

This was almost too predictable and probably happens almost any place that employs ponies that can readily. I hate to see what happens with ponies working in a restaurant, amusement park or theater

10981984 that would vary based upon alot of things. Store policies a big one. Does the company have associates they trust to do opening and closing.

I know the Horrors of Retail far too well.

This is basically what happens every day.

this is a story that you laugh at because you know the pain and horror.

"Yup!" replied the pony. "My name's George!"

At first I double checked whether I had read his name right.

"A lot!" replied George. "People love a store with ponies. Which is good, except for kids."

No doubt about that!
But what's wrong with the kids? Do they keep trying to pet the employees?

"Ah, shi-" Dan was cut off because this story is rated E.

*sigh* Good, I was worried for a moment...

Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.

this needs MOAR:flutterrage: chapters!

ouh wow what an endorsement. Now i read it too and perhaps come back screaming too :D
Yelling does gets results!

As an Ace Hardware Associate,

This was a weird thing to see while browsing the home page.

...I think I'm bored. Is this what boredom feels like?

In all seriousness, I'm sorry to say it, but nothing in this story really works for me. I worked for a Wal-Mart for six months late 2018-early 2019, and I got a pay raise around the time my associate discount card came in, if not sooner, despite being considered a sub-par worker for my lack of speed (not to mention it was my first job), so the "you don't get pay raises in America!" is blatant bulls:yay:, Bobert's "talking makes him depressed" schtick falls completely flat because I'm highly empathetic and would really like to know what the hay happened to the stallion to make him act like that, as well as the joke just really missing something that I can't personally put my finger on, and finally, ponies implied to barely, if ever, exercise, can carry giant boulders at least twice, if not three times their sizes on their backs in the show, not mention a filly pulling along a giant mountain of luggage with barely any visible strain, to say nothing of what real-life, full-grown equines can carry; which is to say, a hell of a lot more than a six year old girl, unless the girl was so ungodly obese that she'd never catch a pony on a casual trot, let alone a pony who apparently must regularly run away from children.

There's some irony-- if one doesn't consider it hypocrisy-- to be found in the fact that a person who regularly dismisses cries for realism with statements about how fiction is not reality and cartoons don't have to be realistic and blah blah blah, can't enjoy something that doesn't seem to give a feather about realism, but it's the simple truth. To be blunt, it bothers me here because this is supposedly set on our Earth, just with magical talking ponies added. Thing is, I just don't see how all these ponies could work at a hardware store for long enough to have changed managers, yet people are still shocked by their very existence, and the ponies still haven't mastered the art of evading children and apparently don't have the strength to stand up if even one child catches them and hops on their back. Surely there are plenty of ponies elsewhere. Why is it such an issue here?

Usually I love Slice-of-Life stuff, even when it doesn't really have an overarching story, but this fic just doesn't work for me at all as comedy, and while intrique is there, this fic alone feels hollow, rushed, lifeless, and honestly the only reason I think I stuck around past the first scene was because of the ponies... who barely even exist in this. And I really don't get why Dan needed a smoke break at the end when he didn't seem stressed at all? Heck, the only vaguely stressful things to happen were Bobert getting depressed, which is apparently what happens when someone just talks to the stallion, and George getting chased by a kid, which was clearly more amusing to Dan then stress-inducing.

Also, very nitpick-y, but...

"Ah, shi-" Dan was cut off because this story is rated E.

I find this joke in particular to be excruciatingly lacking. Just having a character get cut-off from swearing because the fic's rated E isn't funny. It's, at best, a way to slip in what TvTropes calls a "Precision F-Strike" without having an actual F-Bomb or other cussword actually get said aloud. If you want to make a joke out of characters not being allowed to swear because of the fic's rating, go George of The Jungle on us and have the characters argue with the narrator over it, or have the narration dance around the expletive in a tongue-in-cheek manner, or just have the character pull a last-second word swap. For example, when Dan gets cut off, have him glance at the ponies (or the child) and finish with "take", like shitake mushrooms. It's pretty generic in my opinion, but it's still better than this simple line.

Or, you can just, you know, bump up the age rating. Hardly anyone on here seems to care about the age ratings in the first place, so I don't think it really matters all that much anyway.

All that said, comedy is subjective, and story-wise, there's definitely potential here. You just need some better, more pony-ish names, and a bit more thought put into things. Show us more of what the ponies contribute (or fail to contribute) to in the overall store, and don't take shortcuts with jokes. I'm sorry I don't have more positive things to say, honestly I hate leaving negative reviews or comments even when I despise what's in front of me, but I can't escape the simple fact that this fic bored me. It's a lot easier to be negative about something that evokes nothing in you than something that evokes any kind of emotion, positive or negative, at least for me, for some bizarre reason.

I hope this doesn't come off as a wall of hatred or anything. Despite my boredom and disappointment, I hope the best for you. I won't upvote your fic, but I'll Follow you, at least for a while. I hope to see you continue this little world with just a bit more quality.

tl;dr, I ended up bored, but I think you'll do better next time. :pinkiesmile:

"Nope!" replied Fred. "Not in America! Have a good day!"

Already gold!

Hm perhaps expanding it would be a good thing. More screentime for each employee

Well, this is... Something.

It's not bad and is entertaining for a couple of minutes

Wow, I was just tryna be funny damn

And as I said, comedy is subjective. More importantly, as I also said, I believe you'll do better next time.

I know reading negative comments isn't fun, especially when they're huge walls of text (and holy cow, I did not mean to make it that long), but if you want to improve as a writer, you need to accept criticism. I apologize if I my comment came off as an attempt to "savagely roast" you, as I merely wanted to clarify what I didn't like about the fic.

You've still gained me as a Follower, and I have not downvoted the story. Others clearly do find this story funny and relatable, which is obviously a sign of quality on your part. And again, I think your next story will be better, especially if it expands upon this one.

I'm sorry about my previous comment. While it does express my opinion and critique, I most certainly could've cut it down to just the main points and expressed more optimism towards your potential and even the fic itself. Admiral Biscuit, a writer I admire and highly respect, recommended this fic. That's pretty high praise in my book.

Wow, Biscuit? I'm so happy that he liked it.

So wait, they're all Earth Ponies?

Here's his blog post about it:
His post is actually how I found this story and why I decided to read it.


Hm. I would think that after enough times of kids running in and tackling ponies, they'd bring in a Bulk Biceps-esque pony to handle those situations one way or another.

...Or someone kind and matronly, but firm and able to set boundaries, who has experience corralling a herd of rowdy tykes. Someone like Cheerilee or Mrs. Cake.

True 'nuff. Personally, I dunno if Cheerilee would be quite enough to keep human children in line (foals, sure, kids, not so sure), but I can see Mrs. Cake doing it— she's got actual Mom experience. I could even see her getting them to chill out by bribing them into a 'Kiddie Korner' with sweets. :rainbowlaugh:
Or Pinkie. :pinkiehappy:

This isn't good... it's great! Ten points to adorable assault!

Dude is just mental it seems.

Funny. I liked it. It was simple.

A nice ending, but I'm still curious what Dan did that Michael could not.

Fun fact, two of my co-workers recently got second jobs at hardware stores, and one of them works for Ace (I think).

Also as a bonus, Ace Hardware Applejack!


what exactly is going on in that picture...


what exactly is going on in that picture...

AJ is being asked many questions by customers. I suspect some customers are about to get bucked right out the door.

It was a duel of looks. The former manager and the new manager stared at each other intensely, as if they were preparing to draw revolvers. The surrounding crowd was unsure if there was real tension or if they were just messing around, but in that moment it looked like even the worst was capable of happening.

If they would be in Equestria one of the attending ponies would pull out a guitar from somewhere and play western music.
I'm sure of it.

Edit: Damn, reading this chapter while having this song in the background is great!

"Wait, so do we have bones or not?" asked one confused pony. As you would expect, he was ignored.

Other pony: "Remember how I called you spineless a few days ago? I wasn't kidding."
Confused pony: "Woah..."

This picture reminds me of the last panel of this comic:

The Ace i work at is better. No nonsense policy with customers.

Ooh usefull tidbit: depending on your local store's policy ordering an item will always be cheapest.

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