Spike finally wants to tell Rarity about his feelings for her. But he feels to nervous to tell her directly, so he decides to get her a gift for Hearth's Warming Eve. While trying to find the perfect gift, some complications happen. Will Spike finally be loved by the pony of his dreams?
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Cute! But, personally, the whole injury indecent seems a bit rushed.
Good reads, though!
94744 I was trying to think from Spike's perspective. Obviously He would have rushed as fast as he could to help Rarity. And thanks for commenting.
Owch... Painful story is painful.
Honestly. I'm not saying this is the worst thing ever written, but the phrase "Show, don't Tell" comes to mind. With a ton of refinement, this could be an amazing story. The trouble is, there are just too many issues.
Flow is nice. It seems not to jump to anything too fast, HOWEVER, due to the numerous other issues, i couldn't get past the first couple of parts.
The Dialogue. It's far too dry. Even in the beginning scene, with Fluttershy, it's like hearing a cardboard cutout. No substance whatsoever. You could auto-tune it and it would come out just the same.
Spelling and Grammar: Not too many issues here. That's nice. Too many stories have just a few spelling or grammar mistakes that throw it all off.
The writing stye: See the Dialogue. It's not descriptive enough, and it feels like I'm being thrown the story in my face instead of reading it nicely. "Show, Don't Tell" once again!
Sorry for the harsh review, but if no one ever told you what went wrong, you wouldn't get better, eh?
-The Librarian
Great Rarity+Spike. Always and forever, Unicorn and Dragon.
94753 well i have tried getting numerous reviews from friends and people on ponychan. And I refuse to go back on ponychan, they are mean people.
And yes one guy kept saying show, don't tell. Well i have tried adding more descriptions outside of the dialouge, and in my Bio I said I am not a writer, I just thought this would be a story that some people would enjoy, and I hope you enjoyed it.
I was never expecting it to be a good story, just an enjoyable one.
94776 Ah. Well, sorry about Ponychan.
As for the description outside the dialogue, if you want honest to goodness help, go read a book. Cliche, but the reason most Writers are successful is because they copied the styles of other writers, and built from there. You might want to read the Pre-Reader Omnibus at Equestria Daily for help. And, even if you don't write anything ever again, it'll help in everyday life.
I'm sorry, but i still couldn't get past the mistakes a second time. I look forward to your (hopefully) improved stories in the future!
-The Librarian
94799 Thanks, at least you actually seem to care.
(unlike ponychan) 
Hey everyone!!!
For other pony related stuff, go on my YouTube channel, http://www.youtube.com/user/dangaertner7
WTF
, i mean Rarity
is like a teen or adult and Spike
is like a 5 year old. i mean if you read other Fanfics it says that by the time spike is Rarity's age, she'll be DEAD.
I mean, Rarity is just to old for Spike and we have to know that facts are facts and she's to old for him. I apologize for the angriness
but this got me pist off
. 
.
Good Story none the less thought
95427 The fact that it also happens in the show also kinda makes me feel confused
, Spike being called a "baby dragon." And Rarity being grown up, but seeing how cute it is that he has a crush on her ever since the beginning 
of the series I thought I could make an enjoyable story. 
And yes I know the story may seem strange 
but the people never actually seem to care that someone as young as Spike has a crush on some one as old as Rarity. 
But some people do enjoy the story. 
95427 WAIT A MINUTE, I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING!!!!
When Twilight hatched Spike, he was a baby, and Twilight and all the other ponies were still very young, so how is it that far away that Spike is so much younger than Rarity. I think Rarity just seems older because she's more sophisticated. 
I just remembered this when watching the Cutie Mark Chronicles 
episode again. 
FIVE HUNDRED READERS
To all readers of this story (mostly to the people who think it needs work) I know I'm not good writer.
I am more of a musician. 
113714
Good now write this entire fic into a song and play it
im not a huge rarityxspike fan, but when it's done right, it just melts my heart...and that's what happened here.
97621 95427 honestly judgeing on behavior and other things from when twilight hatched spike he is about 5 years younger then twilight on top of that hes a "baby" dragon its a reletaive term they live 100s if not 1000s of years; however his mental state as well as his maturity is obviously not that of a baby or even a young kid people seem to fail to put 2 and 2 together they hear the word baby and go o hes to young cause they don't think it through
436073:Yeah......its what most people just come to conclude from that.
But after those 14 weeks (comment posted 14 weeks ago) I slowly found out that Spike is pretty mature really, and by "baby" he could be the same age as one of the mane 6 since in reality dragons live like 1000 years, maybe more, so it would be significany to call him a "child"/"baby".
Just Sayin.
436215 right all relative but my point being that shes really not to old for him especialy not in the long run which frankly the fics where spike is a few years older then the show are the fics that really have more impressive sparity writings usualy
436326: Indeed but with most of the brony community still thinking that Spike being too young, then were still going to be seeing a lot of stories portraying Spike as a child instead of an adoloscent like the Mane 6 and the rest of the characters.
436339 indeed a shame really being the only real cannon realtionship cept maybe and i stress MAYBE big mac and cherliee its the only one i really feel i can get behind as a fan and reader of fanfics but looking for a decent sparity story ends up in A hes to young B rarity ends up with someone else usualy making no sence at all C spike with a cutie mark crusader who are reasonably just as big a age gap between spike and rarity D spikes like 500 and everyones dead or E endless waves of OC or worse still HiE
436437
in response to ur comment my good sir
A) not too young
B) no other gentle colts for Rarity
C) gives us the ability to turn the tables on the people who say Sparity is pedo
D) not sure if this is a fic where Spike does it with everyone
E) OC's and actual characters are just horrible, and no clue on HiE
505403 Thats what im saying shit'll dirve you nuts
506171
yah i always check before reading a fic involving shipping has sparity, if it doesn't i wont read, lol yah im that devoted
506207 Im just as bad and if its not int the comments or the summary i just use ctrl+f and search spikes name and see how the dialogue feels or if hes even int eh story cause for some reason lots of people use him for a tage and he has like 2 lines in a 10 chapter story and then i wana kill someone
506220
yah i know that feel and the ctrl+f same here lol, i saw a fic of a possible love triangle with
and
. i was like unless he only gets rarity im not even gonna bother with this
507245 Im ok with that triangle if he gets both cause Spike's got the swag to end up with both happily
(im hoping thats how sibling rivalry ends)
507253
Alright well I guess I can't argue with that, tell me how it ends cause I still might not read it lol. (Also Spike may have enough for both but it's better when he uses it all on Rarity)
507275 Yea i just like the harem endings cause i find it leaves everyone happy that at least their ship was sailed plus Spike getting sisters thats hot
507280 everyone's happy, wow sharing must be kinda weird if u ask me lol, o well. nice talking to you sir
507356 As Pinkie said shareing is careing
A few problems I found. It feels awkward all the way through, I don't think the first person perspective worked, and the end was just plain cheesy. Also, they didn't spend the day together, they spent it with their friends like any other day.
Also, it didn't feel like the story took place during the winter holidays. Mention the snow under Spike's feet, or the bitter chill in the air. Something!
Also, the phrase, "I'm in love with you," probably should be delayed a bit, not something you use to start up a relationship. It felt so unnatural.
that was so
affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/wp-content/uploads/brilliant_681.jpg
Great story! Faved and liked!
Sparity forever
Dat injury scene made me laugh my ass off at how I pictured rarity talking like they're out for tea
436437
What's HiE?
4518609 Wow... that comment is old. HiE means Human in Equestria.
Thank you for knowing spike is not that young form the other mares
I believe the Crusaders said it best: