The relationship between Fluttershy and myself has been nothing but pure bliss for the past seven months. However, our love story took a surprising turn when Fluttershy discovered that she was carrying our child, who was due to be born in just two months. Despite the fact that his grandad is an Eldritch God and his granny is an Omniversal super being, we are over the moon with excitement to become parents. As we bask in this joyous moment, we are also aware that our son will possess extraordinary powers and will hold the title of the king of everything. This realization has left us feeling both thrilled and anxious, knowing that raising a child with such immense abilities will pose a great challenge for us.
Chapters (4)
I have several issues with the story. I'm tossing aside them having a baby with both of their DNA in the first place because magic.
1) Why is everyone naked? Especially Fluttershy who was grilling something while pregnant.
2) What's with the lights?
3) Why didn't they at least throw on some bath robes before pulling back the curtains.
4) You said a lady from Fluttershy's dreams, but we know nothing about it. There was no buildup regarding it.
5) That goddess calls herself Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's mother. And the narration confirms this and implies an incest baby.
6) Who even is Harak? Why does Rainbow Dash know what that translates to?
7) How far along even was this pregnancy? Cause Fluttershy should have been on bed rest if she was even close to giving birth.
Okay more and more issues. Secondly I am 99% sure an AI wrote this.
1) Fluttershy was carried upstairs. Worst move ever. Why not just have everyone get dressed and you know take her to the emergency room?
2) Gee. Take your time Rainbow Dash calling Pinkie , it's not like your wife is about to give birth. /s
3) Labor is several hours long. Fluttershy should have known better.
4) The goddess and demon from last chapter, did Rainbow seriously acknowledge them as their collective parents?
5) Okay their friends arrived. Shouldn't they be a bit disturbed at the scene? Excluding the horns and wings, they're completely undressed.
6) Why in Celestia's name did their friends get undressed too?? It helps nothing. And without a second thought too.
7) Okay four hours. Isn't it a little bit cold and awkward?
8) Who cut the cord? And you know they seriously should probably should have cleaned Oscar and wrapped them in a towel. After all they're wet and covered in fluids from the birthing process.
2 answer your 6th and 4th questions Reily. Harak is an Eldritch God born from the tree of Knowledge at the beginning of time. And the woman is the sequined sadist, an Omniversal supreme deity that got married to Harak (The Scarlet KIng) and they had Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
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And how is the average reader supposed to know that?
Also for the record, you really want Oscar to be an incest baby?
What do I need to do to improve? This is my first story and I need feedback to help improve, please?
Reily, what does incest baby mean?
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Honestly I'd throw the whole story out and seriously reconsider things. And maybe consider talking to your mother. Then looking over the writing guide closely.
I'm serious. Not a bit of this seems salvageable right now. It's creepy and kinda gross the way you're executing the first two chapters and the newest two don't instill any confidence in me that things will get better.
The blatant nakedness by pretty much everyone is sexist for one. I'm absolutely convinced you used ChatGPT to help write these chapters. Oscar is screaming Gary Stu with all the powers you wanna give him. That and in the description you said he'd become King of everything. And does this story have some kind of plot in mind? You fast-forwarded through the first few days.
And for the Demon and Goddess, well they don't exist in Equestria Girls canon. Just shoehorning them in without any forethought , and as parents of main characters , isn't really the best move.
Word of advice. Please don't comment in the Author's notes to a single user. It's super creepy. I know I checked out this story to try to help, but I'm already regretting it.