• Member Since 25th Jun, 2022
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

Pondalek_9


Comments ( 34 )

Ever heard of the saying "Show, don't tell." ? Basically you didn't have to tell everyone about the MCs powers in the description, so instead you could have shown everyone his powers in story format progressively. Better this way than a info dump.

Well, I'm not that good at giving advice, but I can give you some possible directions you can take:

1. The protagonist follows a camp where he seeks revenge on the ponies and on all of Equestria for being unjustly imprisoned. If you follow this option there are other options for how he will take revenge, he can do it himself, or influence the events that will happen, both helping the villains and ending the chance of Equestria being able to form alliances with other races, such as the griffins, hippogriffs, dragons, yaks, and you can even make them stay on your side.

2. The protagonist, despite the injustice he suffered, does not hold a grudge against Equestria and tries to use his powers to help the world. This is a more classic choice, here the protagonist would follow the canon by helping the mane six, defeating the villains, making friends, perhaps falling in love with some characters, even here there is a greater chance of a scene happening where he grants a cutiemark to Gabby.

3. The protagonist simply acts like a neutral being who will only do whatever he wants or finds fun. Just caring about the creatures he likes.

Hope this helps.

Will Vetrix’s children ever appear in this story?

dont know who this is a picture of but it looks like Tanya from "Saga of Tanya the evil"

This is an interesting story so I'll keep an eye on it for the next chapter but other then that keep up the good work

11783931
True, but I thought that it would be a good idea give my readers a description of Vetrix’s powers, so that you lot can call me out on any inconsistencies I accidentally make while writing this story.

11784733
Nope, not Tanya. It’s a picture of Vetrix, one of the antagonists from the Yu-Gi-Oh! ZEXAL anime. Though I can understand why you could get confused, as Tanya and Vetrix do share very similar silhouettes (and their similar attitudes and psychology, or used to, until Vetrix redeemed himself.)

11783987
Not directly. I do plan on referencing them later on though.

11784846
I’ll try not to disappoint.

11791397
Quick question but i want to make sure what I'm thinking is right or not but is your displaced a villian or are they like a miss understood person who Celestia thinks is evil?

I think it's good so far

11792309
Hey when I figure out what kind of person your character is want to do a crossover if you like of course

11803636
Sure, though only after I complete this story. Sound fair?

Okay this story is amazing! He has the face thing right? The swirling hole for an eye?

11813197
Yep, it's one of the reasons why he still wears it! (Plus the bonus of being incredibly useful, on account of it allowing him to monitor his own vitals.)

Why not have a guard do their rounds as they patrol around the statue garden before they notice the Mc statue is gone and goes and reports it to Celestia who gets worried and ends up sending a letter to Twilight

I mean the discovery of thr statues destruction seems like the best event to be covered next.

Already?

I suggest having a roadmap of important moments planned out and attempt to reach them.
Working backwards can often help with many things.

11828841
Yeah, I kinda entered this with only a vague idea, so I'm truly sorry for this sudden development.

Also, thank you for the advice, I'll attempt to put it into practice.

So far I'm enjoying there is just one thing I just always think of when I see a is Zexal character. Do they have access to the number cards? And if yes does the Numeron Code exist here?

11855697 The numbers? Yes. The numeron code? No.

While I want Vetrix to be powerful, I don’t want him to be THAT powerful.

Cool in seeing another YGO/MLP fic
Will there be any duels?

Wonder whats in store for Spike in this too?

11883912
For Spike? I'm planning for him to be a fan of a card game based on Vetrix, meaning that he'll likely fanboy for a while.

As for actual duels, I am going to make those happen, but in a style similar to what's depicted in ancient egyptian duel monsters.

I can't explain much, as that's spoil the fun, just know that designing new cards ain't exactly easy, even with online card creators.

11887809
Will Spike be able to do anything here btw?

11887813
Yeah, but don't expect him to be the main focus, he's mostly going to serve as the main six's insight into what they're dealing with, considering that he's a major fan of the game based off of Vetrix and his shenanigans in the past. In short, Twilight will find little information on Vetrix that wasn't heavily altered by the cult that used to (and probably still does) worship him, with the only consistent info about Vetrix coming from either the Princesses & Discord or Spike and the card game.

11887821
So other than exposition, nothing else?

11887825
No. Frankly I'm going to do my utmost to ensure that he's still an actual character with other hobbies and interests outside of exposition, but also yes, he will be the main source of exposition in the story, outside of when they really need specific info from the Princesses, like Vetrix's birthday (Six guesses on who'd ask that) or the relationship between The two sisters and Vetrix.

11887834
Anything plot important too or getting something too?

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