Afternoon Fun

by GhostRider1996

Chapter 5

The three ponies had a great time. They did all of the usual sleepover stuff: pillow fights, makeovers, gossip, everything! The night was full of surprises, laughter, and fun. As it was nearing bedtime, Sweetie Belle started to climb into her sleeping bag, but she was stopped by Twilight.

“Umm, Sweetie Belle? What’s that on your hip?” She asked casually.

“Huh?” Sweetie asked, confused, looking at her legs. “Where, Twilight?”

“Right here, Sweetie,” Rarity said, poking her sister’s tummy and causing her to squeal.

“I think she means here,” Twilight teased, poking Sweetie’s left side, eliciting another cute squeal.

“What do you mean?” Sweetie asked again. Then she saw the look in the mares’ eyes and she panicked.

“Oh no,” was all she hide time to say before the relentless tickle attack. Twilight mercilessly tickled Sweetie Belle’s tummy, while Rarity used her mane brushes to scrub every inch of her sister’s hind hooves. Sweetie Belle was overwhelmed with laughter and happiness, not just from the playful tickle torture that she was currently experiencing, but also from how the day went as a whole.

“Nohohohohohoho!” She squealed in ticklish bliss. Her desperate please making the mares smile happily.

“Cootchie, cootchie coo!” Twilight sang.

“Some things never change, do they?” Rarity asked rhetorically, playfully nudged Twilight’s side.

After a good twenty minutes of nonstop tickling, they finally let Sweetie Belle go.

“Okay, hehehe, I suppose I deserved that,” Sweetie said with a blush.

“You sure did,” the mares said together. All three laughed again at what had transpired that day. They all agreed that a day filled with laughter should end on the same.

“I love you, girls,” Sweetie said with a smile.

“We love you, too, Sweetie,” they replied, pulling her in for a group hug.

“I’m almost embarrassed to ask this,” Sweetie admitted, blushing pretty hard. “But… can we have another tickle day like this? And sometime soon?”

The question caused the mares to laugh again.

“Maybe if you laugh for us one more time,” Rarity said with a sly wink.

Sweetie Belle didn’t notice Twilight hovering some feathers near her hind hooves. But she definitely felt them when they rubbed against her, causing her to start laughing hysterically once more.

“I’d definitely be okay with it. I enjoy a good tickling every so often,” Twilight agreed. This news made Sweetie Belle squeal, tears of joy flossing from her eyes as she pulled the others into a hug.

“Thank you, girls, so much!” Sweetie said as she began to cry happily. Rarity and Twilight were also shedding tears of joy.

They remained in the hug for several long minutes, then they broke off and Rarity turned out the light. Each pony giggles softly as dreams of ticklish bliss lulled them to sleep. This would be a day that they would never forget.

Comments

[ManeBrony]

Pretty cute story! I only have two pieces of advice. The first one is probably the more important one, which is you really could have had this all be one chapter, maybe two at most. Each chapter should have at least a thousand words, and there's no need to separate a semi short story into 5 chapters. Second thing, I think the tickling scenes should have been longer, especially Twilight's, since it was said to be three whole hours. Aside from that the quality itself was much better than I expected, so good job.

[GhostRider1996]

11575508
Ok! Thanks for the tip.
I’m glad you liked my story.

[GhostRider1996]

11575508
I suppose the reason I made it a multi-chapter story was because a former friend on mine (on this site) recommended shorter chapters. TBH, I was just beginning writing, too.

[ManeBrony]

11575590
Short chapters is alright, but not TOO short. I think 1000 words per chapter usually works pretty well, especially for the first chapter.

[GhostRider1996]

11575592
Ahhh. I see.

Thank you for the criticism. I’m always looking to improve myself.

[ManeBrony]

11575597
Like I said, the quality itself was way better than I was expecting, so I have no doubt that you'll get a lot better

[Hoofprintz]

Man I must read too much dark stuff cause I really thought this might turn bad. Nope! Just a cute little fic. Not bad. There were some errors here and there, but nothing too egregious.

Good job.

[GhostRider1996]

11736917
Hoofprintz,

Thanks man.

[SamSwordsman123]

Cute. Have a fave.

[GhostRider1996]

11847927
Thanks, man! I appreciate it very much!