Pipp Petals hits the Griddy

by Onyx Vesper

Goofy Aah Anon productions

Anon was sitting in Pipp's room in pitch darkness playing Rocket League competitive on her desktop, or whatever the Pony equivalent of Rocket League is. Anon managed score and screamed GOAL while Angel Wings, his set player anthem played, "This shits hits hard" anon said vibing with the music.
After the match finished anon was vibing to Closer By Kaskade in the Rocket League Menu until his inner Jedi felt a disturbance in the force, as soon as he felt that something was wrong, Pipp Petals burst into the room with a subwoofer strapped to her back blasting the goofy aah beat known as Right Foot Creep, "ANON LOOK, IM HITTING THE GRIDDY FOR UKRAINE" Pipp screeched at Anon, Anon kinda regretted telling her about Ukraine but what could he do about it now.
Anon tapped into his inner arts and became a wizard and started to install AVG Anti-virus (the free one) on Pipp's laptop

Pipp stared at him before whiling at him, "Anonnnnnn, why did you have to delete the 8672 viruses i somehow managed to install on my laptop???" she stared at Anon the summoner of crows, keeper of souls before he started saying, "Shut now, Pipp Petals the Semen-demon fore I am here to cleanse those viruses of yours!"

She hissed before pouncing onto him (please note that the music has not stopped so anypony who entered the room at that moment would see Pipp Petals on top of anon while Right Foot Creep was blasting out of a subwoofer,)
he used us long appendages known as hands to pick Pipp up and the wise Anon wizard said "You shall go into the bad pony box for bad ponies!" she looked terrified, "I'm not a bad pony!" she squeeled in Anons grip, he put her inside the box and she broke into tears, but then it happened...
The one and only Dagoth Ur broke into Pipp's room before pointing towards Anon with a light saber and saying, "outlander N'wah welcome to this place where destiny is made!" his golden mask stared at anon, "ANON DO SOMETHING, Pipp screamed at anon" anon reacted quickly by force choking Dagoth until he lied ded on da floor and then promptly bagged him, with Dagurth's swift defeat the province of Morroquestria was saved, but it was only a dream.

Anon opened his eyes to see Pipp Petals still on top of him "sleep well Nonny?" anon threw her like a javelin onto her bed and ran away into the safety of her closet "I JUST WANTED TO PLAY POCKET PEAGUE" and then he passes out,
Anon opened his eyes to see Pipp Petals opposite him in a wagon on it's way to Helgen, Pipp had her hands tied as she said to him with a very manly voice, "Hey you, You're finally awake."
He woke up in Pipp's closet again with Pipp looking directly at him, "You okay Nonny?" Anon got to his feet before picking the smol pone up, "You must not continue doing the griddy, the fate of Equestria depends on it" the Wise Wizard Anon said.
Pipp took off the ridiculous hat he was wearing and put it on her head before taking a selfie, Anon responded by snatching his hat from her, and her responce was, "Anon. Give. Me. The. Hat, or I will burst into song and I know how much you hate that," Anon turned his head 180 degrees so that it was facing completely the wrong direction before saying, "You would not." Pipp stared at him with a grin before she inhaled and burst into song.

---

Goofy Aah Anon productions, Anon-ymous yeah,
Its been 10 years daddy, Why'd you run off with that baddie,
Why did you runaway when you had me, don't come back its not happening,
I told you long ago, please come home,
Daddy pick up the phone, I'm tired of being fatherless
Stupid bitch, now I am a stupid kid,
You never really cared bout me anyway,
You're the reason why Sun-ey turned gay,
I told you long ago, please come home,
Daddy pick up the phone

---

Anon stared at BumblePipp panting out of exhaustion before saying,
"that was something alright, but was it really necessary?" Anon replied whilst doing the No bitches facial expression,
before anon could muster out a word, Pipp somehow managed to defy logic itself by cramming herself inside Anon's shirt while shoving her phone in his face, On her phone this video was playing, it was a truly menacing sight, especially with Pipp's emotionless face staring at him as she was saying something, it reminded him of those ask reddit tik-tok videos from back home.
Anon said sadly, "Why won't you leave me alone?" Pipp looked pissed before saying, "You're the one who literally lives in my room with me and i'll leave you alone for the day if you just hit the Griddy!"
Anon looked dead at the ceiling before dragging his human appendage across his face and saying, "Fine I'll hit the Griddy," Anon kept his promise and hit the most abysmal griddy ever known to man.
Pipp stopped Anon from hurting himself and probably her own mental state any further when she realised that her phone was ringing, "Anon stop for a sec, my mother is calling me" Pipp said to Anon, upon pressing the pick up button on her phone her mother started speaking, "Pipp, could you explain why HALF of your pipsqueaks are dead from Cringe? you need to explain yourself Missy!" Pipps eyes widened and she started blushing from embarrassment before saying, "Mom, I swear that I did it for a good cause and I had good intentions." Queen Haven couldn't even her her daughter over Anons goofy aah laughter. "PIPP I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SHUT ANON THE FUCK UP" Queen Haven ordered her daughter, Pipp responded with a simple, "Can't, he's out of control, and believe me I already tried that mom."
Legend has it that Anon's demented cackling can still be heard to this day.

Author's Note:

I have an unhealthy obsession about Angel Wings

also very chaotic, discord would be proud of me

Comments

[Catpaw616]

This looks more like a shitpost than a story

[YetAnotherTweenEdgelord]

11576404
I think those aren't mutually exclusive.

11576408
That's not even a shitpost, that's, may Allah forgive me for uttering these words, a low quality bait.

[That Guy Who Plays Isaac]

Corny

[Glitched Grim]

11576408
Your profile picture really goes with what you’re saying.

[The Blue EM2]

There's intentionally silly stories, and then there's garbage. This is most certainly garbage.

Even shitposts have a sort of logic to them. This was random to the point of making no sense whatsoever.

[SockPuppet]

11576466
True shitposting is an art form.

Anyone can make the reader scream by throwing random garbage at them.

It takes an artist to make the reader scream because you wrote something sublimely terrible.

This fella ain't an artist.

I'm saddened to see my fic in "Similar."

[Glitched Grim]

I’m not reading this

[The Blue EM2]

11576502
That's the point I was trying to make.

[LightGust]

Okay, I’m gonna say it, and I’m not ashamed to.

This is the absolute story I’ve read in my entire life. Of all the amazing, awful fanfictions on this website, this story is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of them.

[Catpaw616]

11576461
Lol I guess it does

[MrHeliuminium]

11576408
yeah that is kinda the point

[Onyx Vesper]

11576636
Now that is an award I would be proud of

[Onyx Vesper]

I must thank ya'll for 25 dislikes, I hoped to have this effect while writing this

[Slippery Slope]

ignore da haterz. shitposting is an art, and let fimfiction be your canvas

[HarpyYoshi]

I do hope this is a one-shot sh*tpost like you stated, cuz d@mn...

[Schwaboo]

I'm currently crying so hard right now. This is seriously the most beautiful, well put together story ever. I can’t believe how magical it was 1:12. That part truly made me shed a tear. And especially at 6:34 that part was just so truly heart touching words can not describe the series of emotions I felt. I absolutely loved the climax it had insanely excellent detail. Oh and we can’t forget the conclusion. The conclusion was the greatest and saddest conclusion I have ever seen better than any of the books I have read. Thank you so much for creating this absolute masterpiece. This is essentially the most important masterpiece of film history. It is a tragedy that this, it can’t be called a film, but a transcendent emotional experience, will be inaccessible for most. It beautifully encapsulates the human struggle to its basics; suffering, pleasure, faith, despair. It connects with the characters within the viewers, individuals suppressed within our own subconscious. It stays vibrant, fresh, and revolutionizes the art of storytelling and filmmaking while making a damn of statement on what it means to be human. Entertaining, gripping, and simply exhilarating. This might be the most impactful piece of art I’ve come across in my life, and I’m definitely coming back to it in the near future to study it more deeply. this is an absolute masterpiece , I was brought to tears listening to this and seeing the bacon go whirly swirly in a circle countless times. it absolutely moved my soul , and I don't think I can ever be the same. this bacon has changed my entire mental state , I am now at peace with who I am and what I will be doing later in my life. i have forgiven all my enemies and now I am a man of a pacifist life. I will move on , gotta move on , as the song says. the bacon is so inspirational , it shares it vast wisdom with all of us , and we are all so lucky that it would bestow it's great words with us. we are all children on bacon. hail bacon. hail bacon. The spinning bacon, rotating in one direction with this music... This made me tear up. How could such a bacon do such a thing? I'm struck by awe by this masterpiece. Especially when the bacon spins, showing its lightly salt covered tan skin. I can hear the crunch just from here, and so as the beautiful sound of the bacon scraping the dark, smooth velvet floor. The flavor, music and everything can be heard, tasted, seen and felt from a screen. You can really hear the breaths between the music artist, empathizing her love for this rotating bacon. Truly what I call modern art. This was the most legendary performance by any piece of bacon I have ever watched. The acting was top tier and very life changing. This is one of the greatest work from a piece of bacon I have ever seen especially on 57:42.I am currently crying so hard right now. This is seriously the most beautiful, well put together story ever. I can’t believe how magical it was at 1:12. That part truly made me shed a tear. And especially at 6:34 that part was just so truly heart touching words can not describe the series of emotions I felt. I absolutely loved the climax it had insanely excellent detail. Oh and we can’t forget the conclusion. The conclusion was the greatest and saddest conclusion I have ever seen better than any of the books I have read. Thank you so much for creating this absolute masterpiece. This is essentially the most important masterpiece of film history. It is a tragedy that this, it can’t be called a film, but a transcendent emotional experience, will be inaccessible for most. It beautifully encapsulates the human struggle to its basics; suffering, pleasure, faith, despair. It connects with the characters within the viewers, individuals suppressed within our own subconscious. It stays vibrant, fresh, and revolutionizes the art of storytelling and filmmaking while making a damn of statement on what it means to be human. Entertaining, gripping, and simply exhilarating. This might be the most impactful piece of art I’ve come across in my life, and I’m definitely coming back to it in the near future to study it more deeply. this is an absolute masterpiece , I was brought to tears listening to this and seeing the bacon go whirly swirly in a circle countless times. Tt absolutely moved my soul , and i don't think I can ever be the same. this bacon has changed my entire mental state , I am now at peace with who I am and what I will be doing later in my life. i have forgiven all my enemies and now I am a man of a pacifist life. I will move on , gotta move on , as the song says. the bacon is so inspirational , it shares it vast wisdom with all of us , and we are all so lucky that it would bestow it's great words with us. we are all children on bacon. hail bacon. hail bacon. The spinning bacon, rotating in one direction with this music... This made me tear up. How could such a piece of bacon do such a thing? I'm struck by awe by this masterpiece. Especially when the bacon spins, showing its lightly salt covered tan skin. I can hear the crunch just from here, and so as the beautiful sound of the bacon scraping the dark, smooth velvet floor. The flavor, music and everything can be heard, tasted, seen and felt from a screen. You can really hear the breaths between the music artist, empathizing her love for this rotating bacon. Truly what I call modern art. This was the most legendary performance by any bacon I have ever watched. The acting was top tier and very life changing. This is one of the greatest work from a bacon I have ever seen especially on 17:24. I am currently crying so hard right now. This is seriously the most beautiful, well put together story ever. I can’t believe how magical it was 1:12. That part truly made me shed a tear. And especially at 6:34 that part was just so truly heart touching words can not describe the series of emotions I felt. I absolutely loved the climax it had insanely excellent detail. Oh and we can’t forget the conclusion. The conclusion was the greatest and saddest conclusion I have ever seen better than any of the books I have read. Thank you so much for creating this absolute masterpiece. This is essentially the most important masterpiece of film history. It is a tragedy that this, it can’t be called a film, but a transcendent emotional experience, will be inaccessible for most. It beautifully encapsulates the human struggle to its basics; suffering, pleasure, faith, despair. The work put in to this is incredibly inspiring. The graphics, the animation, the music, so much thought was put into it. This has remined me that you can do anything you put your mind to. Not even mentioning the memories, this makes me feel like an infant again, just laying my eyes on this beautiful masterpiece gives me all the good feelings in life. I also understand what happiness is again from this. Not even to mention the most incredible part that is 2:10. Bacon spinning has changed my life for the better. It connects with the characters within the viewers, individuals suppressed within our own subconscious. It stays vibrant, fresh, and revolutionizes the art of storytelling and filmmaking while making a damn of statement on what it means to be human. Entertaining, gripping, and simply exhilarating. This might be the most impactful piece of art I’ve come across in my life, and I’m definitely coming back to it in the near future to study it more deeply. this is an absolute masterpiece , I was brought to tears listening to this and seeing the bacon go whirly swirly in a circle countless times. it absolutely moved my soul , and I don't think I can ever be the same. this bacon has changed my entire mental state , I am now at peace with who I am and what I will be doing later in my life. So much great graphic design, so much suspense, so much greatness in this one video. i have forgiven all my enemies and now I am a man of a pacifist life. I will move on , gotta move on , as the song says. the bacon is so inspirational , it shares it vast wisdom with all of us , and we are all so lucky that it would bestow it's great words with us. we are all children on bacon. hail bacon. hail bacon. The spinning bacon, rotating in one direction with this music... This made me tear up. How could such a bacon do such a thing? I'm struck by awe by this masterpiece. Especially when the bacon spins, showing its lightly salt covered tan skin. I can hear the crunch just from here, and so as the beautiful sound of the bacon scraping the dark, smooth velvet floor. The flavor, music and everything can be heard, tasted, seen and felt from a screen. You can really hear the breaths between the music artist, empathizing her love for this rotating bacon. Truly what I call modern art. This was the most legendary performance by any bacon I have ever watched. The acting was top tier and very life changing. This is one of the greatest work from a piece of bacon I have ever seen especially on 57:42. I am crying. This has made me go through an emotional rollercoaster. I cried, beat off, and also watched a movie while watching this premiere. This has made me go through so much. I passed depression because of this. It really inspired me to become an outstanding young man. Thank you.

[Onyx Vesper]

11740005
Reminds me of my music class days :)