• Member Since 1st Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Badmiral Biscuit

Sometimes slice of life is saucy.

Badmiral Biscuit Joined 1st Jan, 2014 · Offline

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dirty little secret
dirty little secret #2 · Apr 9th, 2023 · · ·
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This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!

I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!

Notes:
- “I can ~i]hear~ you.” bit of bbcode slipped in...
- Mostly skipping the real penetrative sex scene is pretty disappointing. And then the fic cuts out before Krystal can have any fun with Zoom. Overall, it's like this clopfic really doesn't want to be a clopfic and is trying as hard as it can to avoid the actual clop! If you'd skipped over the blowjob scene just like the sex scene, it would be close to being able to squeak by with a 'Teen' rating.
- I was really expecting/hoping for a threesome with Thunder, Zoom, and Krystal. It's kind of implied later that this will maybe happen ... but the problem with this fic is that it implies a lot and shows very little.
- Definitely seems like it was only done to complete the set of five. Which, yeah, fair enough. But this fic, standing on its own, is quite disappointing. It could have been so much more.
- Does a lot of brusque telling rather than showing, especially in the beginning ... but continues to do that even through the actual clop. So much is delivered with summary rather than real description. Definitely feels like it was done in a rush to get through it. (And if you did want to rush through it, at least personally I would have preferred that you rush and skip the non-sex scenes and save time to deliver at least one really well fleshed-out sex scene.)
- One positive thing I can say is that it was really fun how casual Krystal was about nudity and propositioning sex. A "Yeah, I'm sexy and horny -- deal with it!" kind of attitude. That aspect of the story is where this one actually has an opportunity to shine. The scenes when she strips and goes to shower right in front of the flustered guards -- that was some real gold!

Scores:
Provocativeness: 70
Progression: 25
Payoff: 16
Pacing: 20
Personality: 55
Prose: 55
Total: 241
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.

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