ZM
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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And the story is back! Welcome back dear author!
11514096
Thank you very much. Cheares me up to see old fans/friends back again.
It took longer to correct the story than i hoped. My proofreader sure hat a lot of work with me. So all credits go to him too. But now we both can a bit on it and new chapters are already in the pipeline.
Willst du den Kapiteln noch Namen geben?
"I hit the hard ground and lie there completely stunned." damn me i forgot the "d" since it should be "lied"
Thanks for the chapter! And we have one more difficulty in the journey of our protagonists, with one of Zitrus's legs broken, the journey will be more difficult. I liked that Blueberry was concerned about Zitrus, making him invisible and offering support to help him walk better, these interactions show again that she is evolving in this matter of feelings and relationships with other ponies. Anyway, it was a great chapter!
11516693
I was thinking about that too, yes. I love chapters with names. But i am unsure what name i should give them.
Chapter names should heat up the reader. Giving him/her interests in the story but not also should not be a spoiler. And that distributed over all chapters.
Maybe i add some chapter names. I actually would like that. But we will see. ^^
11516717
Thank you. It's nice to know that others read the chapters so accurate that they see the change Blueberry is doing.
And of course, thank you for the kind words. :3
11516742
Bin gespannt wie die Beziehung zwischen den Characteren sich entwickelt.
Thanks for the chapter!
I will have to disagree with you dear author, the chapter was not boring. On the contrary in my view it was very important, we had a better explanation of the skills of the alicorns and more thinking from Blueberry, her trusting Zitrus completely and being grateful for him to consider her and grateful screen, it was very sweet.
Will he come across a bunch more of alicorns and start a big herd with them
11522514
Well, i do not like to give spoilers away. If you still like to know i can send it with a privat message.
What i can tell is that he and Blueberry will meet other alicorns. That is already written in the describtion and the cover also kind of tells it. XP
11522440
Wow, thank you a lot. Still beside of talking, nothing happens in the chapter. (Maybe i'm just someone who is not much of a talker?!) But i am still happy that you like it.
11522514
The funny thing is, I already asked a question more like this, the first time he posted the story before he deleted it to correct some mistakes.
In this case, I asked if Zitrus was going to have a herd with the three alicorns that are with him on the cape.
11522567
ok
Another chapter of this wonderful story! I really love this story, the way the characters evolve, the interactions between them, even the way you realize that Blueberry is seeing Zitrus as a friend and even something more than that, wanting to stay by his side. I wonder if she'll be jealous when the other alicorns show up.
And congratulations, now the chapters have titles! This is something very important for the story, as a well-placed title makes you curious to read. For example, I started this chapter with my heart in my hand because of the title, but in the end I found it very cute and beautiful.
Seriously bro, you have talent.
11528384
Wow, thank you very much. It means a lot to me.
But do not forget that behind me are also a good hand (hoof) full of friends also helping with the story. Giving a first look, proofread and honest reviews. I could not do such without them. So, I like to take the compliment but also like to give such to all the ones who help me.
Will there be a sequel?
11540165
A sequel? I don’t know yet. The story is not finished so i never thought about, what's next. First there will be the next chapter (with is a little bit on delay but soon should come out).
Thanks for the chapter! Okay, the delay is understandable.
I knew something like this was going to happen at some point, alicorns are the strongest type of logical pony that they or their parts were going to sell for a lot of money.
This chapter gave me a good theory, I think that at some point Zitrus and Blueberry will save another alicorn from other hunters.
That's right Zitrus, stay by her side and defend her with hooves and teeth!
Introducing yet another character, yeah! This time Crystal, the second alicorn on the team, and it's clear that her personality is very different from Blueberry's personality, she will be a very fun addition to the team. And with that we have another point of view to tell the story. I wonder if Zitrus will have a pov at some point.
Your story is getting more and more incredible, congratulations to you and your editors!
11544775
Thank you very much. I will make sure that all of the editors get the compliment.
And yes, like Crystal would say: "This is going to be fun!" :P
Thanks for the chapter! Hahahaha! I knew Crystal's personality was going to cause some trouble, it was obvious, but how will our heroes get out of this snowstorm is not an easy thing to deal with. I was surprised by Crystal's idea to have foals, how many stallions has she slept with? And is Zitrus the partner she expected?
Thanks for the chapter, an interesting story, the main thing is not to stop. By the way, I read somewhere that the older the alicorn was before the fall of Unity, the greater the damage to his memory, and vice versa, the younger the alicorn, the more chances to keep his memory, and some even remembered who they were before Unity.
This can be used as a working theory for the following chapters.
Thanks for the chapter!
I think this was one of the best so far, Blueberry's trust in Zitrus is very good and understandable as they have been traveling together longer and she knows she can trust his judgment for most things. And their conversation at the end was very well written and the ending with Zitrus talking about the stars and her trying to understand was cute.
11557854
Thank you very much for this kind words.
Yes, Zitrus and Blueberry seem to have a strong bond so far. Let's see how this will develop. :P
Thanks for the chapter! As it was already obvious Crystal is very naughty, if Zitrus doesn't pay attention he will have to teach her how to "ride", if you know what I mean. On the other hand, Blueberry leveled up and unlocked the "Archery" talent, and further increased the "Charm" status to the point where Zitrus publicly released how sexy she is.
Once again congratulations to you and your editors.
11564519
Thank you again for this kind words. I am sure my helping friends will be just as delight as i am :D
Thanks for the chapter! Heck, the chapter started off calm with a trip to free slaves, and took a turn with fighting an alicorn to save his life. That's what I call a surprise.
Thanks for the chapter!
So we are dealing with a classic case of misconceptions based on a number of factors, the first she truly believes in the vision of the goddess and seems unable to disagree with the quality of anything she has said, the second she is judging Zitrus based on the actions of other stallions who took advantage of some alicorns possibly some who were in the same situation as Blueberry, but she is making a big contradiction here the era of harmony and friendship in Equestria ended a long time ago that for all pony tribes.
I must say that this drawing posted next to the chapter is of the highest quality, if the person invests in drawing he or she has a future.
11579926
Ha ha. Like said it was a fast drawing but i still should give a huge thanks for your words. X3
(Even though there most likely will not be an artist carrier)
Also yes, let's see how such different pony like Savage fits into the group.
was probably the hardest chapter for me as well yet
This story is...interesting I say, I like it. This story is not like much other fallout story I have read, but in a good way.
For example, the project horizon story is too long to my liking. I mean, I like long story but having more than one milion words? That's just too long.
This story chapter is rather short and I like it-or even too short to my liking, but I'm not complaining-so what can I say is, overall this was a good story.
Though, I wonder why this story have a few dislikes and have significantly less viewers than other Fallout story even thougth your story is great in my opinion.
I will definitely keep track of this story.
11580680
Wow, that is very kind of you. I am happy you enjoy the story so much.
Yes the story is not so popular and that could have different reasons.
For starter this is my first story and am not part of any group. So, while others already take some fame from preview stories, I start here as a no one.
Also, this story has only OCs. Readers who like to have, for example, a princess Luna story will also not read mine.
And we should not forget how lifeless (on purpose) the first chapters were written giving not the best first expression.
But even then, the story is actually not so unwell seen. Fallout Equestria stories always have it hard with less viewers and more dislikes. On the end it combines two very opposite universes.
But I am happy for every viewer and everyone who enjoys the story. Regardless of the number. So again, a huge thank you.
Thanks for the chapter! So that's exactly how I thought Savage has the personality of a soldier with unshakable loyalty, ironically this type ends up being used as a tool by her leader.
And Zitrus, apparently he's a pacifist! A great quality, albeit a bit dangerous in the universe he finds himself in. He would have done well in the original Equestria.
I'm really enjoying the story, but dude, you really need an editor to help with cleaning up it up!
11587585
Thank you but for what specific now?
If you mean the typos then I already have a proof-reader for that. But of course, when you have to correct 200 mistakes you can miss three or four. If you see any you can always point them out and I will correct them.
If you mean the vocabulary then yes, English is not my first language and I try to write with good words and synonyms but sometimes I just don’t know any.
If you mean the story should be better written out and more detailed, on that part I might disappoint you. I like to have the story a bit faster and also, I am a bit too lazy to write the chapters extra detailed.
But of course, that are all excuses for the fact that you are right. I could use an editor. (I mean if someone’s willing I will not say no…)
The story is not perfect. Maybe even far away from being perfect. But I do not plan to make it.
I have fun writing this little project and share it with you. If I would make it a perfect story, it would take me way more time and effort, up to the point I would lose the fun in writing. And I want to write the story with heart, not because I force myself to it.
But that makes your words even more valuable. Even though the story has mistakes and you know them, you still say you like it. If that is achieved, it’s good enough for me.
11587585
I am the proofreader, if you have any critic please tell me but note that i do this for fun and my time is limited
The pacing is good, and you do well with the descriptions. I guess the best way to put it is the phrasing. For instance, when blueberry said "but I know him since a while now." It could be phrased as "but I've known him for a while now." Things like that. I would be willing to help you out with it.
11588250
i see, i will put more effort into it
11588766
You're welcome man. And feel free to ask for some help if you need it.
Thanks for the chapter!
Wow, for a second I thought the situation was going to be resolved in the no-death conversation, but it doesn't always work that way. The ponies' hatred for zebras is somewhat justifiable, but as Zitrus said, the zebras they want to take revenge on are possibly already dead, killing more just because they are the same species ends up generating more hatred. This chapter makes a direct connection with something Zitrus said when he met Blueberry, that he didn't hate her or the zebras, it was a nice insight.
11591546
Thank you.
Yes , we should not forget that this story still takes part in a wasteland. Where sadly some situations end up deathly...
But well we will see how it continues.
Thanks for the chapter!
So the alicorn sisters are getting along, that's great! But potentially worrisome if Savage ends up passing on her thinking to them. But since I'm someone minimally optimistic, I'll see the bright side.
11595208
Yes Savage is very different from the rest of the group. She is also very hard to write. For me it is like I write the view of a fanatic who I do not share the same opinion. Also, always use the 1. Plural. Still, she brings a nice change and the question, what will come next with her on the side?
Thanks for the chapter!
We have the first clop scene of the fic, it's well written, but there's always room for improvement.
Damn, this chapter did a 180 degree turn at the end. Will this be the end of Crystal's dream? Or will a solution appear?
11600177
Thank you a lot.
Yes a chapter i like because of the change of emotions. Also, there is this secret Crystal has. A chapter full of tension.
But yes, you are right. I will try to learn from this first clop scene.
Thanks for the chapter!
Some can be fooled, but I already figured it out.
That ending was just Savage having nightmares or hallucinations from the poison.
11608254
She probably just had a nightmare, there's no way it could be real
11608254
11609882
Hm… yes, it actually does look like a nightmare, doesn’t it.
It might not be.
We will see in the next chapter how it goes :P