What Kinda Drink?

by Visharo

The Only Chapter!

Izzy led her new friends through some branches and bushes until they reached a large opening. Sunny and Hitch gazed around in awe, treehouses and crystals littered the outside of the clearing and at the very end...

"The pub!" Sunny squealed excitedly. "I've never been to a unicorn pub before! This is so exciting!"

"Umm, actually it's a teahouse..." Izzy pointed with a hoof to the big teapot sign at the front that said The Crystal Tea Room. The teahouse itself was very quaint, two doors inlaid with colored glass that were built into the side of a sloping tree. Branches laden with red leaves drooped around and above the doors. "Eh, it doesn't matter! I finally have friends! We can hang out and play games and unicycle things and have sleepovers and...!"

"Hold on Izzy, this is going very fast for me!" Hitch pawed the ground a bit, then whipped around to the small unicorn next to him. "Wait, this is a pub! We are underaged!"

"Oh Hitch, you heard what she said! It's a teahouse!" Sunny giggled and started marching to the door with Izzy close behind her. Hitch could only trot after them, suddenly getting a really bad vibe.

***

Inside was absolutely homey, right up Sunny's alley. The whole building seemed to be inside a massive tree with stained glass windows to look outside. Tables and cushions were laid out sporadically for patrons and several were filled. In the back, there was a stage with two ponies performing. A mare with a beret seemed to be sprouting poetry while the stallion with the green afro was playing bongos to accompany.

While Sunny and Hitch took it all in, Izzy walked up to the counter and had to hoist herself up to one of the barstools. A large gray unicorn trotted over to her and they seemed to be in a whispered discussion. It suddenly stopped when Sunny finally snapped herself out of her dazed stupor and wandered over as well. It didn't take long for Hitch to follow as well.

"Well well well, two little earth ponies in my teahouse, isn't that a sight!" The stallion laughed heartily. "My name is Alphabittle and I have only one question. What kinda drink do you kids want?" While speaking he loomed over the countertop to peer over the slightly terrified Sunny and Hitch. It took several stutters and swallowing before anypony could make a word.

"I-I would like an apple juice...please?" Hitch stammered, sweat perspiring on his brow. Izzy giggled at him while staying atop her perch.

"Sure, and you?

"Um, I will have a martini. Gin, not vodka, obviously, stirred for 10 seconds whilst glancing at an unopened bottle of vermouth." The teahouse went quiet for a second, the three ponies around her especially. The way she said it also gave the impression that she has asked for this multiple times.

"Uhh, right little filly. It'll only be a jiffy." Alphabittle slid away with a concerned look on his face. The noise around them slowly went back to what it was before

"Wow Sunny! That's pretty heavy stuff, I could never be that brave. I only go with lighter things like this mojito." Izzy smiled as she lifted a glass filled with exactly that. Hitch's mouth fell open. "I just loooove mojitos! They taste so good."

"Wha-what! H-how? Underage! Us! Foals! Bar? Whaaaat..." Hitch spluttered around before falling to his haunches, his forehooves cradling his head. "This can't be happening. It doesn't make sense. Yes, this must be a dream. A dream..."

"Is he okay?" Izzy peered curiously at Sunny, her ears wiggling at the colt quietly weeping on the floor. "Should we help him?"

"If this continues for a little longer, we'll help him." Sunny smiled and heaved herself up to the seat next to the unicorn filly.

"Okay." Izzy sipped her mojito before asking. "Hey, that order was intense and very professional. Who'd you learn that from?"

"Oh, this sweetest stallion called Eggsy!" Sunny giggled. "He's taught me a lot of things, hey, what about you? Mojito?"

"Oh, eheh, funny story. So, I sat down at this bar after a boring lonely day when suddenly this drink was placed in front of me. I didn't know what it was, but it was in front of me, so I drank it. After I drank it, this mare came up to Alphabittle and asked where her mojito was. Alphabittle looked confused and tried to say something but then saw the empty glass in front of me and laughed. That mare was so confused!" Izzy laughed, her cheeks going a little red, no doubt from the alcohol.

"And she asks for a mojito everytime she comes here." Alphabittle said and placed the two drinks on the countertop. "Here is your martini, per your instructions, and the apple juice for the...colt. Is he okay?"

Izzy and Sunny looked behind them to see Hitch in the same position, they turned back to Alphabittle and shrugged. He peered curiously at the two fillies and then shrugged back. After sweeping some of the countertop with a wet rag, he trotted off to serve another customer, leaving the two fillies with their drinks.

"Say, this has been fun. I'm glad you brought us here." Sunny said through sips. The martini was stellar, almost as good as the one at the bar in Maretime Bay.

"I'm happy too! Let's do this again sometime, but maybe without Hitch." The two fillies looked at the body behind them again and giggled.

"Deal."

***

The three foals were walking back from the Crystal Tea House, two of which were flushed and sweating but had big grins plastered on their muzzles. The third just had a very confused/concerned look about him. He kept on muttering about alcohol and bars and being underaged. His companions paid him no mind.

It wasn't before long till they arrived at Casa Izzy, which the two fillies leapt inside and collapsed on the couch.

Author's Note:

Some references. :)
This was some weird idea that just popped into my head when I saw this picture on EQD. Hoped you enjoyed!

Happy 2023!

Comments

[Mystic Sunrise]

... Why? Take your damn fav and upvote anyway.

[Visharo]

11468047
lol, why thank you!

[intherainbowfactory]

You've written a story to make Graham Chapman proud! Cheers!

[Starlight Nova]

How is underage drinking a potential trigger?

[Axolotl222]

Aw, this brings that back memories that I probably shouldn't discus for legal reasons.

[Eragor14]

Honestly, this is a pretty hilarious story. Love the nod to Kingsman with Eggsy and the specific method of martini preparation that Sunny requested (and, of course, what makes that even more humorous was the fact that said scene was, in and of itself, a parody of James Bond's specific choice of liquor preparation, 'shaken not stirred').
The only thing I didn't get was why you constantly referred to Izzy, Sunny, and Hitch as being 'underage'. While their ages aren't specifically mentioned in the show, it is implied that they are all fully grown. After all, Sunny runs her own juice cart, Pipp and Zipp are being trained to be royalty, and Hitch owns his own house and operates the sheriff's office full time. All of this makes sense, of course, since the Mane Six were also fully grown in Friendship is Magic as well. So depicting them as fillies makes zero sense, if this is meant to take place after the events of 'a New Generation'.
Other than that, though, this is one of the funnier stories I have read. Definitely worth a favorite.

[overdue]

11468178
it might trigger some developmental issues

[Visharo]

11468137
Thanks!

[Visharo]

11468178
Psh, I dunno. Some people might. You never know, better safe then sorry.

[Visharo]

11468220
Aw, thank you. Kingsmen is such a good movie.
As for the underage part, I made them kids because of the picture. It's an alternative universe and I also specified that the movie is non canon.

[Eragor14]

11468474
Ah yes, now I see! Completely forgot about that 'G5 movie is non canon' thing you wrote in the description. I also didn't realize that Sunny and Hitch were drawn as fillies in that specific image. Now that I see that more closely, it does make a lot more sense, hehe.
Still, this does make me wonder if Alphabittle in the actual series does have a tap of Aj's famous cider (or some other hard liquor) at his bar. It would be hilarious if that 'tea shop' did, in fact, also serve alcohol and we didn't see that due to the limited time that Sunny spent inside of it in the 'a New Generation' movie, lol. I could definitely see Alphabittle serving that sort of thing.

[Visharo]

11468534
Agreed, this needs to be canon. Liquor for the ponies!

[Huk]

This story has a very realistic depiction of 'stick in the mud' Hitch from MyM/TyT... which is pretty sad, really

Also... 'narcotics' tag when they had like one drink ?

[Visharo]

11468683
Yeah, I suppose. Hitch's character has just degraded to dragon dad and that's it.
And yeah, the narcotics tag might be a bit harsh, but I think i'll just leave it. I don't really have a reason to take it down or keep it up. Call me lazy, lol.