• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2018
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Robert Emerald Fountain


I sometimes write stories with intense imagery. If messaging me or commenting on my stories, please don't curse. I do not like profanity and I see it as mean and hurtful.

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One day, the Main Six are on a trip through the Everfree Forest. They are beginning to set up camp for the night when they fall through the ground into a dark cavern. In this cave, they find two giant crystals with a portal in between. They are yanked through the portal when they get too close and then they pass out. Waking up, they find themselves as humans in a world where something exists that is called "Beyblade". What is going on, and how will they get home?

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 1 )

This story certainly needs a lot more work. The seven chapters are way too short, the whole thing seems like a hastily written fix-fic at first glance, there's no depth to the writing whatsoever, the description needs work...

Long story shot, this is not exactly what I would hope to publish and expect to see positive feedback on. Everything seems so hastily written, and there's no sequencing of events in the plot. It seems to me that the entire story is that the mane six immediately fix everything that happens before the Beyblade: Metal Fusion anime begins.

In short, this is not a good story, and I really didn't want to have to say that.

EDIT - Also, disabling ratings on your other stories is not exactly a good sign, as it implies you can't handle negative feedback. Not saying that you can't, but it doesn't look good at first glance.

Plus...as a Beyblade fan myself, and writer of a Beyblade crossover here on FIMFiction, you need to do a lot more flushing out and improvement in your writing. I mean, it's not exactly a good story if the Mane six literally just arrive and fix everything withing a short span of time. That's a really bad premise, and honestly, it won't be well liked generally by those who would read this. You simplified things so much, it's just hard to read this story and take it seriously.

My advice is to work on detailing your stories more, write longer chapters (I always go for 1000 words or more), and focusing more on telling a good story that takes longer to write and will be better received, rather than a quick one that won't get very far.

Keep this in mind, okay?

Best of luck.

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