Beyblade: Main Six

by Robert Emerald Fountain

Stopping the Dark Nebula

As the helicopter got close to where the Dark Nebula Organization's HQ was, the wind got stronger.

"Everyone, it is far too windy. We cannot land. You must jump and parachute to the ground.", Ryo said over the headsets.

Gingka looked at an altimeter and was startled by what his dad had said.

"Dad, are you crazy? We're at 2 miles above sea-level.", he shrieked.

Ryo said that they would be wearing oxygen masks until they were low enough to breathe normally. Hikaru came to the back of the helicopter with a mask and goggles on. She had everyone grab a tank and a pair of goggles and then she opened the helicopter's door.

"HOOK UP!", she yelled after everybody had put their parachutes on.

Everyone saw clips on their parachute packs and hooked them to a bar above the door. After Hikaru counted down on her fingers, Gingka leaped out the door and everyone else followed suit. After falling for 20 seconds, the chutes were pulled and they deployed to slow everyone down. When they touched down, they took off their masks and goggles and rushed toward the largest mountain in the area. Madoka cautioned everyone that there would be guards and advised Gingka and Massamune to lead the group. Sure enough, there were security personnel waiting, but Gingka and Massamune joined forces to take them out. Eventually, after battling their way through the hallways of the facility, they reached the central chamber where Doji's robotic body was waiting for them.

"If it's a bey battle you want, then I'll give you one. I will use this mechanical body to be your opponent.", Doji said as his mechanical body took the shape of a gigantic bey and began to spin.

"Oh no you don't!", Gingka yelled back as he and everyone else got set.

"THREE!", screamed Twilight.

"TWO!", shouted Massamune.

"ONE!", cried Rarity.

"LET IT RIP!", everyone screamed.

Everyone launched their beys and began attacking Doji with all of their might. After five minutes of constant battling, it was time for the final blow. Everyone's beys shot upward in an arc.

"SPECIAL MOVE, COSMIC PEGASUS, SUPER COSMIC NOVA!", screamed Gingka.

"SPECIAL MOVE, BLITZ STRIKER, FLASH OF LIGHTNING!", hollered Massamune,

"SPECIAL MOVE, FLASH SAGGITARIO, FLAME CLAW!", cried Kenta.

"SPECIAL MOVE, GALACTIC ALICORN, STARSTORM NOVA!", shouted Twilight.

"SPECIAL MOVE, SPITFIRE PHOENIX, BLAZING BEAK STRIKE!", screeched Rainbow.

"SPECIAL MOVE, THUNDER RABBIT, RING OF LIGHTNING!", wailed Fluttershy.

"SPECIAL MOVE, BLITZ UNICORN, DIAMOND DAZZLE DRILL!", yelled Rarity.

"SPECIAL MOVE, NOVA FALCON, COSMIC BEAK!", bellowed Pinkie.

"SPECIAL MOVE, FLASH PEREGRINE, TALON INFERNO!", crowed Applejack.

All nine beys struck Doji's mechanical body square on the top and drilled into the inner workings until they had pierced all the way through. Doji screamed in rage before saying that he would not let anyone escape the self-destruct that would kick in after his mechanical body was destroyed.

"LET'S GO!", yelled Gingka as he turned towards the door.

Everyone followed him until they made it outside. they jumped off a cliff and landed in the ocean as the facility exploded in a huge fireball. Ryo saw them jump and dropped a basket for them to climb into once the wind died down. Returning to Tokyo, they were all congratulated as heroes for stopping the Dark Nebula once and for all. A few days later, a portal opened up for the Main Six to return home to Equestria. Gingka and his friends bid them goodbye and they parted ways. Returning to the Everfree Forest, the six friends saw that the hole had sealed up. They resumed their camping trip and continued on for a week until they had charted the entire forest. Finally, they headed home to Ponyville.

THE END

Comments

[Mkchief34]

This story certainly needs a lot more work. The seven chapters are way too short, the whole thing seems like a hastily written fix-fic at first glance, there's no depth to the writing whatsoever, the description needs work...

Long story shot, this is not exactly what I would hope to publish and expect to see positive feedback on. Everything seems so hastily written, and there's no sequencing of events in the plot. It seems to me that the entire story is that the mane six immediately fix everything that happens before the Beyblade: Metal Fusion anime begins.

In short, this is not a good story, and I really didn't want to have to say that.

EDIT - Also, disabling ratings on your other stories is not exactly a good sign, as it implies you can't handle negative feedback. Not saying that you can't, but it doesn't look good at first glance.

Plus...as a Beyblade fan myself, and writer of a Beyblade crossover here on FIMFiction, you need to do a lot more flushing out and improvement in your writing. I mean, it's not exactly a good story if the Mane six literally just arrive and fix everything withing a short span of time. That's a really bad premise, and honestly, it won't be well liked generally by those who would read this. You simplified things so much, it's just hard to read this story and take it seriously.

My advice is to work on detailing your stories more, write longer chapters (I always go for 1000 words or more), and focusing more on telling a good story that takes longer to write and will be better received, rather than a quick one that won't get very far.

Keep this in mind, okay?

Best of luck.