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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I can not wait to read this in its entirety
Hmm I adore the dialogue in the story. This is more of an internal conflict as I can read she calls her self a whore or slut many times. But ignores the voices in her head. Also....FINALLY!!!! A story that has a sex scene of a MARE and A STALLION. It's not that I'm homophobic but that all the stories I have read in do so is of to marehoods rubbing against each other.... But I digress. Great job Cold and Gardez.~
MUST READ LATER!
I see what you did there...
As always, your works continue to impress. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the next chapter!
having read the first version of this posted here on fimfiction, I must say that I am a fan of your work, Cold in Gardez. Now that the "unabridged" version is coming out... I am rather eager indeed to re-read this story. Favorited and liked. Keep up the BRILLIANT work.
-DJ-Pon3FTW
This is... really very good. I'm surprised and humbled, mostly because I haven't been decent enough to read this before now.
I love how you've portrayed Rarity in this part. That character development, the dialogue, the description of the scene itself, the depiction of her inner monologue - I'm honestly not a romance reader, but I think I'll read more, just for the sake of seeing your wonderful writing.
She ah act like one in this fix but Rarity is no slut!
Sorry I meant fic not fix.
Actually I realized what exactly I was complaining about after the initial shock, sooooo ignor my previous comments because a writer should be creative! Keep up the good work!
So what've we got here?
A deceased Fluttershy(I presume)
A depressed Rainbow Dash
And
A dick-munching one-night stand loving slut Rarity?
Ooh.... Ooh... god.
This is as tough to read as ever and yet I cannot ever stop reading it.
Another time, another place, another world . . .
Then whose funeral was it? Not one of the gang, or that sentence would have been much more awkward. And, for that matter, not somepony whose funeral would be held in Ponyville, apparently. So who would bring both Rarity and Rainbow to their funeral, who is not one of the gang, and does not live in Ponyville? One of Rarity's high society contacts? But would any of them draw Rainbow? A 'Bolt? But does Rarity know any of them? Family? But with how they've all drifted apart, would they still reach out to each other in such circumstances? A princess? But what would cause such a death?
So who?
The voices in your head are pretty rude. It's no wonder you do your best to tune them out.
Another world, yes, but not that different . . .
Ruuu-uude.
. . . You know, I'm not sure I even know how to pronounce that. I can say "ruuuuuuuuuude" of course, but how exactly is one meant to break it into two syllables without just sounding like you got something caught in your throat for a moment? You'd think I could just say to myself, "oh, pretend you're saying 'Aeaea' except make an 'oo' sound instead, and stick some consonants on it and stuff," but that really doesn't seem to work. And I don't think you can really stretch "Aeaea" out without it sounding stupid.
Yeah, I know it's supposed to just be a pitch change, but is that really a proper syllable break? I mean, deep down, in its heart? Does it truly believe itself to be a real syllable break? Do you believe it when it says it is one in that nervous voice, like it's really hoping you approve of it and agree?
You have got some serious self-esteem issues.
Yes, Uncommon is a great role model for foals.
Oops, wrong story.
Oh, and by the way:
This story contains sex! I am shocked that anybody would post such filth upon the sweet, innocent internet. If only there were some way that the virtuous could be warned to stay well clear!
. . . 'Kay, I think I'm good now.
2948664 They haven't mentioned what anything about Fluttershy...
2948664 i would think it be scootaloo as they where friends with dash and sweetie bell.(less I read a line wrong some where in the story)
So....chapter oneI don't want to read anymore cause I feel sad for dead pony
Later a play with sex OK good enough let's keep going
Full blown sex chapter two here I come!!good Luna I need help....
What happened to Fluttershy? Oh no...
Damn, that is a powerful message to leave on. Not sure if you intended it that way, but bravo.
Oh my, I just stumbled upon this fic and thought I could check it out 'cause I like shipping fics and boy, was I happy I did!
The writing is beautyful, the scenes are great and overall it makes me smile while leaving me with a bittersweet sensation. I love Rarity in this on, her inner monologue is great and I could really see her acting like this. And I really enjoyed the date Rarity had with Bright Mark, it was cute, sweet and so obvious. The sex was very good in my opinion, you didn't rush things and I felt it to be belivible. (And since it made me feel arroused, it really works. Lol.)
Anyway, great chapter. I will so fav it and continue to read those chapters, good job. Keep doing awesome things!
I feel like I've read this before... hmm. It's nagging me.
I'm going to be one of those 'comment a chapter' douches, so we'll see how this goes.
Not sure what this reference to a glassblower is.
Excellently written. Masterful, even.
An interesting start. Looking forward to reading the rest and see what happened to cause the apparent dissolution of the fellowship of friendship.
Very well written.
God, two and a half years later, possibly more, and this first chapter is still one of the best hooks I've read. Still just as impactful and memorable. I sincerely can't wait until this story is finally complete and I can read it in its entirety.
I actually found this story around two years ago but forgot to favourite it, alas it became lost among the sea of fics, very happy I've found it again amd can't wait to read on!
So who the fuck is dead
Poor rarity. Just want to hug her.
Whoo! First impressions time!
So apparently I did start reading this when you first posted it (must have been the original version of the story, since FimFic said I hadn't read any of this), so I'm disregarding some uncertainty about the hook-factor because I already had a good idea of what was coming (fnar). There were, however, two main things I found noteworthy:
1. I'm perfectly okay with the fundamental difference in the tone of the of this and the show meaning that the characters will be different, but I'm really struggling to tie up this characterisation with the original character. She's got the same name, the same speech pattern, and the same talent, but otherwise it seems like a different character with a sticker slapped over it. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but it feels like a tough sell when the character comes off as a bunch of traits that serve the story rather than a cohesive character.
2. I'm half expecting to be the odd man out on this one, but the climax of the bedroom scene felt awfully cringeworthy. For a story that is kinda sold on the basis that it's taking it's mature rating seriously, I really felt like you weren't all that comfortable with how to write it. Lines like 'She felt his shaft pulsing, followed by a warm flood against her cervix' leave me scratching my head as to the purpose in the word choice. It seems completely out of touch with the narrative mood and character voice.
Overall, I'm kinda leaving with the feeling of being beaten over the head with all the shame on display without ever coming close feeling like it is anything close to characterisation. I wouldn't call it a good start since I can't get invested in any characters yet, but it reads very easily, and that's always worth a giant hat full of points.
Wow. It's nice to come back to an author who simply knows how it's done. I don't know what exactly about the basics of the writing here is so much better than the stories I've glanced into and dropped lately, but it took me few paragraphs to see the difference.
I like how Rarity is characterized here. She's certainly not perfect, and understands that all too well, but she's engrossing and hardly unlikable.
I don't comment often; I'm a lurker at heart. The most I end up doing when I enjoy a story is giving it a like and adding it to my favorites.
But Salvation... This story is one that holds a special place in my heart. So many times have I wished to wipe the details from my mind so I can come back and read it with fresh eyes. Instead, I can only wait for my memories to fade so that I can chase those magical, heart-wrenching moments when I read your words for the first time, Cold in Gardez.
Thank you.
- Max