YAY UPDATES!!!

Really liked the chapter, left me wanting the next chapter. Keep up the good work.

Excellent, more Salvation!

This story keeps me on edge, like if at any moment some horrible memory is gonna jump out, and it will!
It's so sad

At the end there, was that Rarity? If it was then that's an interesting development. Also, yay for update.

The slower development between the two of them is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for continuing this and giving it the space and consideration it deserved from the start.

Still absolutely love the character development here. Fantastic work and excellent portrayal.

For all that she and Soarin had planned on forming a family, it was always a static, literally sterile goal. Just them. Foals? Later. Someday. Maybe.
But now later meant never.

Damn, that's just heartbreaking.

Oh wow, the whole section on fat ponies nearly killed me.

Awesome, I was hoping we would get some Twilight/Doctor story.

;n;

Still loving this. Its beautifully written, and the underlying sadness beneath it all can be really heartbreaking. Its not in your face, its subtle, which is nice. Its hard to explain. I just know there were a few lines of dialogue that stood out to me and made my heart pang. One was Dash and Fluttershy, with Dash worrying that something "bad" might happen to her or the foal. Another was Dash with AJ at the end, where Dash was saying that if one of them needed help, they'd be there, and AJ's reaction. Oh, and Dash's fat comments made me laugh out loud. All the extended character development is wonderful - it really makes the whole story more emotional. Anywho, can't wait for more and I'm glad you took the time to extend this, as its really one of my favorite stories. Keep it up

The unabridged version is coming along really nicely, I see. Great chapter!

1352851 Yes, that's a better word. Say thankya. But yes, she is a bit at that.

That was great so who joined Dash on the couch was it I do like the pairing of Twilight and the Doctor but I prefer to pair him with Derpy. As for Pinkie did she take some courses in psychology while they were gone cause she is defiantly changed for the better of course but her 6th sense can be unsettling So who is AJ paired up with is she forever alone. Love the story looking forward to the next chapter

Man, these two are just bubbling up and bubbling up and when one or both of them finally boil over it's gonna be EPIC.

Quite a step up from the first chapters. They were really good, but seeing this fuller take on it is quite satisfying.

Paragraph 2: "Its sear[ing] touch..."

Also, I hereby dub thee the Couch of Lust, for the amorous thoughts you inspire in the slightly broken little ponies who lay their weary heads to rest upon you.

Also also, I love the dramatic irony here, and how the side characters participate in the slow reveal.

1357560

Got it. Hate it when little things slip by like that.

Thank you for writing this, I loved the original. I was quite surprised by the confession at the end, but I've never read a story of yours other than this. Please, never quit writing.
Idiot Simulation activate.
YOU THEIF YOU STOL THS STRY FRM SEXYBACK I SHULD REPORT YU FOR STEALING YU GAY FAGGOT RAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

I didn't mean any of that, I know the truth.
Idiot Simulation deactivate.

I'm enjoying the slower build-up the relationship gets in this version of the story. It feels much more natural. Amusing that Rarity and Dash are already starting to fight a bit like a couple at the festival table. "Sparks" is a cute nickname, and exactly the kind of thing I could imagine Twi being both embarrassed and a little delighted to be called in public.

What is this man she's been acting weird lately.

It feels like there's some missing punctuation here. Something like this might read better: "What is this? Man, she's been acting weird lately."

Dash thought back to Scootaloo’s first lesson on Twilight’s balcony, then the highest point in the town.

This is a nitpick, but I get the impression that the Ponyville town hall is taller than the library. Nice call-back to your first pony story, though.

1368373

Thanks :) I wish there was a bit more room for Twilight's relationship in this story, but it's not really about her.

Regarding punctuation: I sometimes leave it out for internal thoughts. They don't require it. As for the library balcony, maybe it's the highest point you can reach with a staircase?

Wonderful! Just caught up with the story. I am loving the time it is taking for the two of them to get to know each other. The abridged version had a lot of wonderful moments and this just makes tem more vivid. I don't know what else to say but thanks. Thanks for doing something so wonderful for the community.

1369233
Totally understandable that you'd want to keep the focus on Dash and Rarity. That's where it belongs for this story. :)

which one should i read? what are the differences? is this one added on to or is it the sae story typed out in more detail or something else to make it more words?

1388948

The unabridged story is how I would have written it, if I had all the time I wanted. The original was written in a rush for a contest.

That said, I think both are good stories. Reach whichever you prefer :)

1388953 so which is better? by rushed do you mean was done poorly or just skipped alot of back story or side character story? what does this version have the other does not? more detail or more story, etc ? word count is not a concern for me, i enjoy 2,000 word fics all the way up to 200,000 word fics plus.

Does this update often?
Because I just caught up to the latest chapter, and I really want to know what happens next.
So in other words, should I just read the abridged version? Or is waiting for this one to update not that bad?

1438473

I'm about halfway through the current chaper. Ideally a new one would be up every week, but there have been a lot more distractions than expected lately.

That said, feel free to read the original. I don't think it will spoil things too much.

1438490

Thanks for the quick reply!
I think I'll just wait for new chapters of this one to get the 'complete experience'
But I may read the original at some point. Mostly to see if I can find out who Sweetie is dating! (don't spoil it though)

Before, when I finally decided to sit down and read this story, I thought it was good and well written. Now that I've read up to chapter 6, I feel my earlier feelings towards this story were wrong. This is not good or well written.

This story and its writing are damn near perfect. Words like 'good' and 'well' don't do this story justice. This is smart writing, to put it plainly. To be more specific, this story is like good sex; it gets me excited and focused, it never feels like it's taking too long, and at the end I'm left satisfied, happy, and tempted to go around round.

I aspire to write as well as you do.

Scootaloo’s strain grin eased to something more normal, and she looked over her shoulder at Sweetie and Apple Bloom.

"Strain grin" should probably be "strained grin".

“That’s very nice of you, Dash.” Fluttershy gave her a warm smile. “But you don’t have to. I can carry books just fine.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t. What about the foal?”

She's five months pregnant, if I'm not misremembering. If she already couldn't manage carrying a few books, I would shudder to think how much of an invalid she would be in, say, another five months. A little light exercise is good for her.
I mean, really, Dashie.

You know, I saw her sitting with Snails earlier. They seemed very friendly.

What did I tell you. It is always Snails.
Always
Except when it isn't.

No. I know what mistakes not to make.

I want to be dismissive, but I can't help but believe you. You probably are thinking right now of most of the mistakes that you are continually making and/or perpetuating. I do not doubt that you could enumerate a nice list of things you do all the time that you quite reasonably hope Sweetie never engages in.

Could a pegasus stand on them? No pegasus could fly high enough to touch them, of course. They were forever out of reach.

This doesn't sound like a metaphor at all. I'm sure it is nothing but idle speculation from a wandering mind.

But the card from Scootaloo and her friends was too big for the desk: several feet tall, sky blue with rainbow lettering, it hung as a poster beside her bed. Even at night she could read it, the glitter in the letters a dim sparkle in the hospital’s hallway lights.

I see some things never change.
On the other hoof, I bet it wasn't big enough to cover all three of them at once, so I guess other things do change.

“Snails?” Sweetie tilted her head. “Weird. Be right back, girls,”

I want her to be lying, and Snails has a perfectly good reason to be looking for her. I want Dash to be accidentally right. It would be great.
Also, it is always Snails.

“Las Pegasus, right?” Scootaloo asked. “Will you be flying?”

“Uh, depends,” Dash hedged. “Got some new kids we’re trying out. Might let them fly instead, get some experience.”

“Oh.” Scootaloo’s ears dipped. “That’s cool too.“

I wouldn't expect Scoots to miss that Dash has been continually making excuses for not performing since Soarin's death, and I wouldn't expect her to have enough tact to not bring it up. Color me surprised.
No, that's fuchsia. But nice try.

He glanced at Twilight, who was still trading jabs with Rarity. “I think that would be wonderful. Don’t you think, Sparks?”

“Huh?” Twilight jerked up from her hunched position, her snout just inches from Rarity’s as they whispered back and forth. Her ears flicked forward and a faint blush tinted her face a darker shade of lavender. “Yes, uh, that sounds... good?”

For all you know, the antecedent there was "we should all meet back right here, tomorrow at noon, and have an orgy." Or "I think diarchy is getting passe; let's execute the princesses and be ruled by warlords for a while."
Good to know that you'll agree to anything if your coltfriend calls you "Sparks" when he asks. Let's hope he continues to not overly abuse that power.

Fuck, it’s worth a try.

Oh, I get it. It's the masturbation couch. It requires an offering of bodily fluids from any who wish to sleep upon it.
Celestia, Luna, if you have any power to influence me, never let me near any of Rarity's furniture. I do not want to accidentally sit on that couch.
On the other hand, I kind of want to get an unsuspecting experimental subject to offer it blood and then attempt to sleep on it. I doubt something like saliva or mucus would do, but it might accept blood. Blood's fairly personal. Blood can transmit STDs.

The couch shifted beneath her. Dash mumbled quietly and pried her eyes open. Still dark. She pulled her forelegs under her chest and was about to push herself up when a quiet voice sounded in her ear.

“Shhh, shh... sleep,” it whispered. A warm, soft weight pressed against her side.

That seemed like good advice. She yawned, leaned against the new presence, and swiftly fell back into darkness.

It's alive! The couch has now received enough offerings and become animate.
Or maybe it was always alive and it just likes Dash better than Rarity.

-1 For pointless masturbation...

Okay now I see...

The 'I never should have left' are turning into bitter recriminations now. As in, because she left she missed out on so much. That makes this whole story a little more understandable - and that much more enjoyable. I do hope Dash and Rarity find their light in the dark... if it's with one another, all the better.

2961149

She's five months pregnant, if I'm not misremembering.

Yep, and pony pregnancies last 340 days.At the moment the foal only wieghs about 2 lbs, and would have all of it's limbs [5 mo = 152.08 days]. Still early second trimester.

“I see a pregnant mare saying you don’t look fat to her.”

Ooh, SHIT.

img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110515175143/pokemon/images/f/f4/Dream_Burn_Heal_Sprite.png

5777376 "HA! I hope you have BURN HEAL!"

You beat me to it, but still I gotta say:lh5.googleusercontent.com/-MvCXcJ31FRk/VMD78Du0yXI/AAAAAAAAADQ/dE70VGALHHo/w1680-h1080/rainbow_dash_sniper.jpg
Shots. Fired.

Rarity gave a little start. She had been staring at her food and gnawing on her lower lip before Dash took the seat
beside her. “I’m sorry, dear?”

Rarity gave a little start. She had been staring at her food and gnawing on her lower lip before Dash took the seat beside her. “I’m sorry, dear?”

[That section looks a whole lot more broken in the actual story].

That's the thing about dEpression - SomeTimes, like with dash, it's fairly obvious. Other times, though, like with rarity, it's virtually unnoticeable. You need to constantly support them, have them really trust you, in order to truly help them.

Hah! This was one of the best Dash pranks I've read about in awhile. It's great when the setup isn't even obvious as a setup, and the payoff? So cruel. Perfect Dash.

Last chapter I wondered if Rainbow was having those same worried conversations with the other girls asking about Rarity, so it's nice seeing that I wasn't totally crazy there.

So far this is the most well-written piece I’ve found on this site. Your descriptions are so vivid; your dialogue so natural. Despite the occasional typo (I won’t say error because I believe you know better), your prose flows smoothly and is a joy to read. Do you write things other than fan-fiction? I’d be interested in reading more of your general work.

I object to the notion that this is a clopfic. The sex that does occur comes about naturally and furthers the plot… for the most part. At any rate, it’s not the main point of the story.

I’m still impressed with your decision not to tell us who died or how right away. That’s the mark of an author who knows what they’re doing. After all, Rainbow’s friends don’t need to mention details. The events in question were burned into their collective psyche.

The library table, or booth, or whatever it was being called sat on the far side of the town hall from Applejack’s massive display of produce. It was just as well, Dash reasoned; any closer and the combined excitement of apples and books might give the more delicate ponies fits.

Ha!

“Yeah, well...” The old Dash would’ve said something dismissive, about ignoring the past and seizing the future. Something optimistic. She stood in silence instead. All around, her past life continued its preparations for the festival.

That last sentence is brilliant.