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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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1287953
kits?
As in, THE kits from Equestria After Dark?
That's where I got both these stories.
Speaking of which, favorited simply because I liked the original.
I'm ready to delve back into this story, but having read the original, can somebody tell me when the new content starts? Which chapter should I begin with?
Ahhh. Yes, this is what I've been waiting for.
No doubt you get this a lot, Cold in Gardez, but I assure you that I do not know you for your comedies. I know you for your tragedies, and the works of art that they are. Salvation is the prime example of this. Rarity's self-scorn and impenetrable mask of composure are so deliciously blended that it becomes actually painful to watch her lie to all her friends like she does. Not to mention the cold, cruel inner voice that pipes up from time to time, that really throws the somber, tense tones of the rest of the story into a sharp contrast. And, this is all not to mention the fact that you've managed to incorporate sexual content into the story without making it shameless clop. Your characterization for ponies like Rarity and Rainbow Dash is absolutely mesmerizing.
In other words, you're awesome, keep writing.
Oh god. Oh god, oh god. Made it to the end, and the last two paragraphs just killed me.
ow ow ow ow my heart
Pretty sure chapter 5 was the start of the new content, but it might have been 6.
Man, what the hell happened? Poor Soarin', poor Dashie. Not a big surprise her first thoughts were of Sweetie.
This is brilliant. I mean considering how much the other version left out this is like a relief and a tear jerker at the same time.
Damn, I nearly couldn't breath for a bit. This fic really sucks you in. Poor Dash...
This story is simply amazing. I love your work, man.
Reading through the chapters again, it's interesting to see just how much the world changes around Rarity and Rainbow Dash and neither of them notice the changes until they take a step back return to Ponyville. But they, too, have undergone changes (for the worse it would seem) and they both find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in feeling alienated at their own homecoming.
Your characterization is superb, the best I've ever seen. Rarity's internal monologue is touching and insightful. Twilight's cutting remark about Rarity missing the Ponyville Wonderbolts show and ending with "Well, fuck you too, Twilight" is such a powerful statement. It shows just how much Rarity has missed while she was in Fillydelphia looking for her prince. Generosity entails that one should be willing to give freely, and thats exactly what Rarity has NOT been doing, at least in regards with her friends. She could not GIVE her time to attend the Wonderbolts show because of her own thriving business. And the simple act of not being there hurts her friends more than she realizes.
So that raises the question: what would have happened if Soarin didn't die in the accident? It is uncertain that Rarity would have found love in Fillydelphia but it is certain that Rarity would never have connected with Rainbow Dash the way she has in this story. Sure, Rarity could have settled and just be content with one of her nameless stallions, but that's just it: complacency in matters of love. And that's something Rarity would never settle for, the hopeless romantic that she is. Rarity spends years trying to find the perfect stallion, her 'prince'. All the toil and heartbreak leaves her jaded and broken. She needs another broken soul to fix her and that's exactly what she finds in Dash (post accident).
And that raises another question. Did Soarin give his own life, a final generous act to save Dash, so that Dash can save Generosity itself?
Fuckin A man, I love this story. Keep up the good work, I'm eagerly anticipating the coming chapters.
No words from me can honestly tell what I am feeling. This..this is something different. I read the original and even read this one. Powerful is all I can say. I am going to be thinking about this for a while.
YES! IT'S HERE! AND IT HURTS! OH GODS, MY FEELS!
You write really well. Really, really well, little things like rarity's thoughts and reactions, how she reacted to the leg thing, such powerful things that not many writer think of.
1508019
'Not a big surprise her first thoughts were of Sweetie.'
Isn't it? I mean, how many writers actually get this right. How many have one of the mane six think: Thank Celestia it's only Twilight who's dead. That she feels guilty after is just perfection. Also, although it often occurs in the show, the failure of one of the mane six to cope is rare. In this context, when they fail in a personal way to help another through a personal tragedy, is even rarer. And to not just not clear the jump, but to refuse - hinted at beautifully when Rarity let's Flutters and AJ go in there... I don't even have the words to describe this quality of writing.
I'm completely in awe right now.
JMH
i love this story
Oh, this was just so painful to read. Poor Rarity, and poor Dash...
I can hardly wait for the next chapter!
1509056 in the sense you're speaking in, yes, I agree that a lot of writers fail to incorporate such extremely human flaws and character traits into their work. But on the other hand, this is Cold, and I've come to expect his godlike powers of characterization. He's always had a way of totally pulling me into his works, of really making me feel for these ponies. He writes them as real people, making them believable in their action and reactions. He's taken the cup of water he was given in these characters and created vast oceans of depth and possibilities. That's one of the wonderful things about this venue. You can take these ponies we've all grown to love, put them into situations that would never happen in the show, and bring them to life in a whole new dimension. Cold has always impressed me with his ability to do this, and I only see him getting better. The really great thing is getting to watch him grow as a writer right in front of me
Huh, now all of a sudden I want to teach a course in creative writing. Weird.
That...that chapter. I don't cry. I don't cry for anything. This...this made me shed a few tears.
You're such an amazing writer. I hate you so much right now (that will probably change by your next story/update anyways)
I sincerely, sincerely hope you don't do a chapter of this from Dash's point of view. The last few lines were hard enough to read from Rarity's, I think Dash's would outright kill me
This was great I wanted to know more about the accident Poor RD that last last part hit me in the feels Is it bad of me that it seemed that Rarity was a little shallow but I do like the way she is changing in the main story so keep it looking forward to the next chapter
That ending... well fuck, that's so depressing .
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I love this story.
This is a powerful chapter. And it's not just the big, tragic moments that make it so. The little things throughout all help it earn every ounce of heartbreak that you wring from the conclusion. Twilight's curt impatience as she struggles to keep it together and take charge of the situation, attempting to organize her way around the pain and fear. AJ struggling for a moment to live up to the honesty and dependability she expects of herself. Fluttershy's growth from timidity to soft-spoken courage, and the way it shows Rarity how much she's missed of her friends' lives. You've picked all the right details to pull this off beautifully. Well done.
1507813
I believe the new stuff starts with "Set in Stone."
Delicious catharsis. It's so much worse when you paint around the edges and let the reader's mind fill in the scenes occurring out of view.
Fuck me. That was so goddamn real.
I... Nope. I'm going.
Far out, CiG. This pretty much killed me. Just so real.
God damn it.
1521571
There's a few minor edits in the early chapters, but the first real divergence occurs in "Set in Stone" in this story.
You're my favorite MLP author, in case I haven't said it enough. This chapter in particular drew me in more than the days spent reading Past Sins. Hell, more than my younger days reading mystery novels in high school. We're blessed to view your works. Thank you.
I cannot form the words that I need to express the emotions that you have invoked with this chapter. I could hardly get through the last couple of paragraphs due to the tears in my eyes. "They were waiting for an execution," was the perfect way to set the scene. Wonderful and devastating writing.
So i read the original version and was curious if i could say start reading from a certain point to skip some yet receive more of the story? i unforgenetly o not have time to reread something that is essentially the same, yet different enough i want to read it. kinda a predicament.
1612696
Start with "Set in Stone."
I'm a little late to the comment game here, but I have to tell you how much I enjoy this fic, and how excited I am to see you updating it with the luxury of more time. This fic will always be special to me because it changed the way I look at fanfiction in general. I've been aware that there was fanfiction on the Internet for some 15 years now, but I never gave it much serious thought. It was a little fun for when canon material ran dry, but it was not serious art. It was a low-risk practice ground for aspiring authors at best, and fanboy self-indulgence at worst.
I first found this fic, or rather the contest version, on EQAD. I was looking for a little fun reading, the kind of fun reading that one expects to find on EQAD. And what I found did include that. From Bright Mark at the start, through memories of Soarin, on to the new relationship that forms. Your style of fun is well-paced, with something unique to each scene to keep it from getting repetitive. You strike a good balance of exciting without getting fetishy and descriptive without getting your reading glasses wet.
What I did not expect to find was one of the most gripping and emotionally-charged dramas that I have read in any format. What started as an interesting take on how the characters could have matured over a few years grew to posses me. By the time Dash had slept at the boutique, I was reading in every bit of time I could spare, and pondering the implications when my work was dull enough to allow daydreaming. When I had finally seen the story through, I was so filled with the joy of resolution and hunger for new possibilities that I launched right into your reading recommendations.
I followed your recommendations with more of your stories, suggestions from others, pony fan classics, and then whatever caught my eye. Before I knew it, reading pony fanfiction of all kinds had become a regular thing for me. And I realized that somewhere along the line, fanfiction had matured from that 'little bit of fun' that I had glimpsed so many years ago into real art, that is its own destination, and deserves real respect. Though I sometimes find a stinker that I ragequit partway through, the average quality of writing on this site is much higher than I had given it credit for, and has offered me hours of laughter, tears, blushing, and stirring adventures.
I will always be grateful to you for opening my eyes to the possibilities of an art-form that I had almost entirely dismissed. Your writing is a great example of what it can be when it is really good. I'm quite impressed with your skill at wringing out emotions without tiring the reader. Some fics that I've read have been so emotionally arduous as to leave me feeling hollow and exhausted at the end, but this one keeps a pace that I can match, leaving me feeling full and contented at the end. I think my favorite element is the way that the two broken ponies reverse-mirror each other, with Rainbow's problems obvious to everyone but herself while Rarity appears perfect on the outside even as she claws at the back of her own mask.
I've got some other specific comments, but I'll save those for within each chapter. This is already a monster of a comment that probably outgrew the purpose of this space several paragraphs ago. I just had to let you know how much I am enjoying your writing in general, and your continued work on this story in particular. Thanks for all that you do both here and, as your recent journal mentioned, elsewhere.
I really liked the contest version, but I love this. The self loathing and pain they can see in each other, but think they are hiding in themselves? Marvelous.
I don't remember the Bloom cutie mark / exile from the earlier version. Is that new?
Spoilers.
Those lines:
"They were waiting for an execution.
Finally, a high sound broke through the quiet hiss of the ventilation system. A faint wail, like a crying foal, that rose and fell with the rhythm of breath. Louder, then softer. "
They're perfect. I'm tearing up now...
Dammit Rarity. It's not as fun when you aren't missing or ignoring your failings.
Why do you bother to pretend? Nopony expects you to be fine. Today is not a day to be fine.
I think the world broke Rarity.
I'll admit, I was looking for things to comment on by the end. I've been leaving such long comments; it seems wrong to end this interlude with only one thing to say about one quote, just because I don't want to tear myself away from the story for long enough to write anything.
I also have a sudden urge to pad this comment out with something about the masturbation couch. But I can't imagine what I want myself to say, and I don't know that I'd be much inclined to comply in any case. The less said about the masturbation couch, the better, as a rule.
A scene about death done right. I'm sure I'll find the words to express how I feel, but first I have to dry my tears. Oh, man.
Some clarity at last. Though not necessarily needed.
I'm speechless at those last few lines.
I can hear her cries in my head so clearly.
You have a terrible writing style. And by terrible, I mean incredible, because it makes me feel terrible. It feels like something I'm not supposed to be watching (or reading for that matter).
I didn't expect this chapter to be from Rarity's perspective, and I feel like in a sense that made it more powerful. Reminded me of the Buffy episode The Body, which can only be a compliment.
The idea of having to hear a wail like that. It's horrifying.