A teenage dude is dragged to Equestria (how not cliche). For most that would be a dream come true, but for him it's just another day of doing...whatever it is he does... Look, I don't know....just....whatever.
At the start this is quite serious, but then it gets funny. So, before you hit that down-vote button (I know how tempting it is, and want to do it myself) read the first 2 chapters. That's all I ask. If you still don't like it after that, I respect your God given right to Down-vote this story. Also, this story contains lots of OC's. It isn't OC focused, but it does contain lots of them. Criticism encouraged. I like to improve, and love to hear what the readers say. flame/Hate/troll comments will not be removed. I respect peoples rights to post comments. But, if it gets out of hand, I WILL NOT hesitate to delete.
Prologue*
1347221 Pardon?
1347342 You spelled 'prologue' wrong.
Before I can take this seriously, I need to ask...are you the one trolling?
It's only the prologue, and your guy seriously rubs me the wrong way. He doesn't give a fuck about me, so I don't give a fuck about him. It balances out. I certainly hope this isn't a self-insert, because that would make you an insufferable, moody, unlikable, stubborn little downer.
And the whole "Twilight Sparkle brings a human to Equestria through a portal" schtick is pretty overdone. But...it's only the first chapter, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and see if you can save yourself...
1347356 A self insert...
HAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Oh.... that's funny, you're funny. The character is supposed to appear that way. And plus this is the first chapter. Shit doesn't get real until later. As for his personality, he's groggy, just fuckin woke up so that he can go back to sleep. Not much personality there. And as for the prologues depiction of him, that's more of him as he see's himself, not as he really is. Others see him differently.
I don't do the trolling, that's Ryans job.
1347355 Hnnnnnnnnnggggggg.... damnit.
*sighs*
I'm so brilliant that I feel stupid.
Hi just read your message ( I know late right) anyway here you go
Original: Basic point: a earth pony royal guard who's family disappeared when discord first broke free. Skilled at pole-arms and wears heavy armor. brown with jet black hair and silvers eyes cutie mark is a halberd and shield. Became a elite by defending a town from a diamond dog raid.
Sorry ,my oc (Basicpoint) is a earth pony royal guard lost his family during the events of return of harmony in a vortex of pure chaos. He still blames himself for their deaths. After discord was returned into stone he was posted in the Equestrian badlands in a small rock farming town called Quartzville. That town however was soon attacked by a diamond dog raiding party 200 strong with only his Voulge he sent them running back to their caves. He is originally from canterlot and because has a dislike of magic users who he sees as lazy. A deep thinker he is never the first to take up arms in a fight but can overwhelm a enemy with is quick speed and brutal power but tires quickly. His carries many pole arms with him at all times ( spears, Vouges,war-hammers,etc) in a quiver and uses different ones depending on the situation like a golfer. Him also has special armor that makes him more resistant to magic.
im not giong to flame im just going to say that your whole writing style could use a bit of a tune up you need more detail and need to check grammer and spelling i will favorite this story and will keep and eye out
1347699 This character is already in the story... why would you submit him twice?
1350264 I appreciate that. If you don't mind, explain what needs to be improved upon. Also, the moment I posted this 8 people disliked it. I find that to be very unsettling.
You want me to add more to it ,so I did.
1353103 Thing is I already had him completely planned out. Plus I asked for more details on the character months ago, so when you didn't reply I assumed you were not going to provide any more details. As it is I can fit most of this into the story, but some of the information about him will either be altered, or completely left unknown.
fine with me
1356700 He's mute.
Here it is, Chp.2. Ignore the error in the title, cause yes I see it. And, no it's not a big deal. Anyways, leave me your thoughts and opinions. And criticism. That is welcome as well. Also, emote time.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cloudchaser_dealwithit.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
well the plot of the story is fine its just that you need to fix a few spelling and grammer errors and add an extra enter at the end of your paragraphs. that all that needs to be worked on.
1375669 Thanks for clarifying. Here have a cookie.
*tosses you cookie*
NOM NOM NOM yah chocolate chip i love chocolate chip i will have a story coming up soon so keep and eye out please
1375699 Can do.cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-dsalute.png
Me Gusta
I fully support this as a fellow writer. *salute*
1410138 Your support is greatly appreciated.
MOAR
1420978 Soon my friend, soon.
role call of the crazies
1428660 You forgot one crazy.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
MOAR
hey i can help you with the proofread thing/ editor but i can only get on once in awhile but im willing to help if you need it just message me back
alright, I'm hooked. Gimme moar. NOW. ;P