The Princess of Love is Motivated by Spite.
The sound of ponies talking and milling about drifted past the closed stage curtain. Meanwhile stagehands rushed about readying the stage for the upcoming speech as the pink coated mare set to go on stage fidgeted in her black robe.
Princess Cadance, goddess of empathy and bonds, had donned one of her favourite robes for the event, a form fitting black robe adorned with white, purple, and grey roses. Nerves made her jittery, aware of how everything could go catastrophically wrong in the next several minutes.
The research had been done, the information repeated among her corner of society in an effort to help those still unsure of themselves. But rarely did it leave that circle, the assumptions made by broader Equestrian society denounced asexuality as a whole.
There was so much that needed to be done and she was but one mare.
She rested a hoof on her chest, took a deep breath, and moved her hoof outward as she exhaled.
It helped, somewhat.
“Still nervous?”
She turned around to see a friendly face smiling back at her.
“Shining!” she happily exclaimed and beamed as her special somepony trotted over. The couple brushed the tips of their noses together in a brief display of affection and the princess was relieved to see him here. “I thought you had work today?”
“It turns out there was a schedule mix-up,” he replied, evidently still dressed in his navy blue uniform. “And I got the rest of the day off.”
He rested a hoof on her shoulder, and she could sense his concern for her even though it was plain as day on his face. “I know you’ve been nervous about doing this presentation, but you’ll be fine Cady. And if anypony wants to be a jerk about it, then that’s their loss.”
“I know…” she admitted and sighed. “I’ve been working on this presentation for months! This is something important to me, to lots of people, not just ponies. This presentation will be the first time anyone has had the courage to put themselves out there and try to explain it to the public…”
She continued. “The information is there, Shiny, but so few want to know about it, or assume that everyone experiences the same things they do,” she paused and reached up to grab the hoof that still rested on her shoulder. “My words will have weight to them because I’m a princess, but I’m also at risk of facing the majority of the hate if people decide they don’t like what I have to say.”
“Hey…” Shining replied reassuringly and gently squeezed her hoof. “Even if there are a few bad apples, you’re not alone. I’ll always be here to support you, and to be honest,” he smirked. “I’m looking forward to learning a thing or two myself today.”
She giggled, her partner's optimism and open-mindedness a welcome balm to her nervousness. “You already know everything I’m going over today! You helped me practice.”
“Still, it doesn’t hurt to get a refresher.” He replied with a dorky grin.
“Your Highness?” One of the stagehands approached. “We’re ready for you now.”
Shining gave her one last nuzzle and made his way over to the audience. “Good luck!”
Cadance smiled to herself as her love for Shining Armor danced merrily through her thoughts.
Sometimes it’s the little things that make the biggest difference. She thought and checked that her butterfly-shaped ace pin was still securely fastened to her robe.
The muffled voice of the announcer rang through the room as the alicorn moved to stand at the spot onstage marked with a discreet white dot.
“Fillies and gentlecolts, Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is proud to present a lecture on the asexuality spectrum by Princess Cadance!”
Cadance smiled warmly at the gathered crowd. Most were adults or teens on the verge of entering adulthood. And with a sea of curious and intrigued faces looking up at her, she steeled herself, internally prepared for the uphill battle to come.
“Hello everyone and welcome to my first lecture on asexuality and the asexual spectrum,” she began, she dropped her smile in favour of calm professionalism. “To start off, can anyone tell me what they think of when they hear the term asexual?”
Let’s knock those nasty misconceptions out of the way first.
She knew she couldn’t just spout off the information and expect her audience to take it at face value. Even as the ponies watching looked to be drawing blanks at her question, Cadance was more than aware of the stereotypes that people like her faced. She had to take the preconceived notions wider society had of asexuality and challenge them with the knowledge and understanding she had gained over the years.
One pony spoke up. “That they don’t like sex?”
And another. “They don’t feel love?”
She pointedly raised a brow at that one.
“It’s because of trauma or a hormone imbalance right?” another pony asked.
Cadance smiled. The kind of grin that spoke volumes about how wrong they were. Not that she wished any ill will towards them, but their ignorance was something that irked the pink pony to no end.
“No actually!” she replied merrily. “Asexuality is when a person feels little to no sexual attraction!” She kept up the peppy, cheerful explanation as the onlookers just looked perplexed at how that could possibly be real. “Sexual attraction is defined as attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest. People on the asexual spectrum do not feel this or only in rare instances or under certain conditions.”
Several ponies scoffed at her statement, others rolled their eyes, and some simply turned around and left. Annoyed by the actions of those few, she locked eyes with the pony who spoke up first. “Asexuals can have sex without attraction for a multitude of reasons! To have children, please their partner, or because it feels good. Not every asexual dislikes or is repulsed by sex as there are asexuals that are indifferent to sex or even like it.”
“But, how can you have sex without attraction?” the pony asked.
“The same way everyone else has it of course.” Cadance replied. “Attraction itself does not equal action or arousal. Having sex is an action, something someone does and is free to do so long as everyone involved is of legal age and consents. And arousal is just the body reacting to external stimuli or hormones.”
As people digested that bit of info, she nodded. “Yes, asexuals do indeed have a functioning libido, some higher or lower, same as everyone else. We also take care of that same libido using the exact same means as everyone else,” she rolled her eyes at the shocked expressions of some members of the audience. “We’re not children or immature. We can, and do, look at porn, read erotica, have sex, and masturbate.”
She observed the crowd, they were listening at least, and with no aggressive outcries coming forth, the princess deemed it safe to continue. “And on that note, I'd like to return your attention back to the definition of sexcual attraction, notice how there was no mention of romantic love in the description?”
The pony who spoke up about love scoffed. “But everypony knows that sex is ultimate expression of love. It’s the most intimate thing you can do with a pony.”
There were agreements and nods from several others and Cadance could feel the ice-cold spite and offense raging through her veins at the comment. She knew she shouldn’t get so worked up about it, but the notion was everywhere in multiple societies, and not just centered in Equestria. She adored romance, but the constant need to have a relationship revolve around sex was so off-putting and insulting to her.
Love was more than just sex.
She cleared her throat.
“See, there’s this thing called romantic attraction, defined as attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons,” she said, spite laced with forced cheer. “It has absolutely nothing to do with sexual attraction… and while for most people they will experience both romantic and sexual at around the same time, for those on the asexual or aromantic spectrums, the two are distinct from one another. Some feel neither.”
“I am a panromantic asexual,” Cadance explained. “That means that I feel romantic attraction regardless of another’s gender, and I feel no sexual attraction whatsoever.”
“I-it’s different?” a colt asked and she nodded at him.
“There are several different forms of attraction,” Cadance elaborated. Spite melted away for the moment as she took enjoyment from being able to educate. “There is sexual and romantic as I’ve just talked about. But there is also platonic attraction, which is the desire to be friends with someone, aesthetic attraction, where a person is pretty, handsome or cute but with no romantic or sexual connotations, and sensual attraction which is the desire to touch, kiss or cuddle with no sexual implications.”
She found it rather humorous that the ones with the most complex and informed understanding of the different types of attraction were the ones that were in the minority. It was most likely because those who didn’t feel one type or another had to figure out what it actually was before realizing that they differed from their allosexual or alloromantic peers.
It was such a nuanced thing that most people simply didn't pay attention to it because they assumed everyone felt the same things.
Sex, so often seen as the penultimate expression of love. Love and romantic relationships are also viewed as one of life’s greatest achievements and goals. Those were the ideals she was hoping to challenge, or at least get the ball rolling in helping to break down such assumptions. She hoped that by spreading awareness, others would have the courage to share their own experiences.
The colt, likely in his last year of schooling, spoke up again. “So… there’s nothing wrong with not being attracted to anypony?”
She could see it in his eyes, the confusion, the hope, the battle of dealing with whatever he had gone through to think that there may have been something wrong with him.
Her heart went out to him. She walked closer to the edge of the stage to address him directly.
“Did someone tell you that there is something wrong with you?” Cadance asked and upon receiving a hesitant nod, she offered him the most reassuring smile she could. “A lack of attraction, any attraction, doesn’t make us any less of a person. There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing broken, and you aren’t inequine or an unfeeling monster. What you experience, or don’t, is just how you are.”
The colt smiled, looking at her in wide-eyed awe, and mumbled out a “Thank you” before stepping back to stand by his parents.
She turned her gaze back to the general audience. “Those on the asexual spectrum still care deeply about things, be it our friends, family, hobbies, or work. A lack of attraction does not mean a lack of emotion, empathy, or passion!” She swept a steely gaze over the crowd. “It is simply how we are. Asexuals, or anyone for that matter, does not need to have sex to figure out their sexuality. We don’t need to be fixed or forced into having sex because people think we’ll change our mind or just need to find the right person!”
“We can have loving, fulfilling relationships without sex! We can have children, fall in love, or spend our days pursuing a hobby and looking after beloved pets…” Cadance said. “Asexuals are people, be they pony, dragon, griffin, or any other being that walks this world. And we have a right to be treated with the same respect and decency as anyone else, regardless of our sexuality.”
She sighed. “Now that we’re all clear on the common misconceptions and the definition of attraction, I can now introduce you to the various terms under the asexual spectrum,” she smirked. “Because ladies and gentlemen, asexuality itself is but one label under the asexual spectrum, or ace umbrella as it’s also known.”
She stood proudly upon the stage, she had made headway, and she was determined to see this through.
“It is a spectrum, and I’m here to tell you all about it,” she said and began to pace back and forth across the stage, the sound of bare hooves on the wooden stage adding a sense of importance to her talk. “Now, I’ll be going over the most well documented and common identities on the spectrum. There’s Asexuality of course, the complete lack of attraction. Gray Asexuality, those who feel attraction but rarely or infrequently, and Demisexuality, the absence of attraction until an emotional bond is formed.”
“Until a bond is formed?” someone asked. “Isn’t everyone like that?”
She had to stop herself from sighing. “No, note the absence of attraction. Demisexuals are functionally asexual until an emotional bond is formed with another person,” she stated, it was tiring, seeing this exact misconception rear its head whenever the topic of demisexuality was brought up. “This bond can be platonic, romantic, a work relationship, and the length of time for attraction to occur can be anywhere from weeks, to months or even years.”
“Let me put it this way,” she added. “If everyone were demisexual, then all those romance novels, or product advertisements with hot, attractive people in them wouldn’t be nearly as widespread as a marketing tactic. Demisexuals are attracted to personality, emotional connection, appearance is secondary or even not a priority for them.”
“Isn’t that just a healthy relationship?” someone asked from near the back and Cadance was completely unprepared for that leap in logic.
“What? Sexual attraction does not equal action,” she stressed. “And a relationship is a joint venture between two people and does not define a person’s sexuality.”
She took a breath, she’d already acted on her emotions more than once today, acting calm and professional would only get her so far. She had a goal in mind, and what better way to be heard than to show she was just a person, same as them. But she didn’t want to turn this into a shouting match or have it escalate beyond a heated debate.
“...Despite what some people believe, sex isn’t everything in a relationship and many on the asexual spectrum are in committed relationships,” she said. “But that doesn’t define their sexuality nor exclude them from identifying as such… But I’ll go into more detail about that at a later date…”
Cadance slouched in her seat. The quaint café she often frequented was a small business tucked away in a corner of Canterlot, out of sight from the busy main street, but close enough to housing that it still had frequent customers.
She sat at her usual table in the back of the room completely drained from her presentation. For all her preparation, she just wasn’t able to maintain the air of serene calm a pony of her station was expected to hold. She wasn’t like Celestia, whose feathers were rarely ruffled during her daily interactions with the general populace.
She looked up at the sound of approaching hoof steps to see that Shining had returned from his mission to secure their order. Levitating two plates of carrot cake and two milkshakes he placed their food on the table and slid into the chair opposite her.
Picking up a fork in one wing, the mare smiled at her special somepony. “You didn’t have to do this you know… But I appreciate it.”
From across the table, Shining grinned back at her. “You did a good job out there Cady, you deserve a treat.”
She snorted as she speared a morsel of cake onto her fork. “I was not professional up on that stage Shiny… if Celestia was the one giving that speech I’m sure no one would have given her any trouble and she probably would have worded it better too.” she sighed and ate her cake.
Celestia was the example of what a princess should be like, how they should act, and the responsibility and weight their actions held. In contrast, Cadance was seen as approachable, but also as having less of an influence due to her relatively short time as The Princess of Love.
And even then her supposed duties didn’t entirely coincide with why she wanted to keep the mantle of princess in the first place. Love was complicated, nuanced, and much like one facet of herself, grossly simplified and misunderstood by society as a whole.
Love was more than just the love between romantic partners, it was broad and varied with many different forms. But for now, Cadance settled on trying to unravel one of the major faults she saw in society's view of love. Namely it’s ties to sex and sexual attraction.
“I don’t think Celestia would have done as good a job explaining it,” Shining retorted, pulling her out of her thoughts. “Sure, public speaking is her strong suit after ruling Equestria for a thousand years, but she wouldn’t understand in the same way you do.”
“ou’ think?” she mumbled with her mouth full.
“Of course!” he replied earnestly. “You care about this Cady, you’ve experienced or seen first hand how others are treated just because they’re different. I think it’s amazing how passionate you are about this.”
“Thanks…” she said softly. “But there’s still a long way to go.”
“Yeah…” he agreed. “But I think you were amazing.”
“And you, are biased.” she replied playfully.
“True,” he easily agreed. “You still put your all into that speech, even if it didn’t go exactly as planned, you got the information out there.”
“I just have to keep at it.’ she said with a small, hopeful smile.
“Exactly!” he said and looked thoughtful for a moment before smirking at her. “Cady~”
“Yeees?”
“Love you.”
“I love you too, you dork.” she replied.
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What's the Mothling AU?
11023787
The Mothling AU is an MLP/Hollow Knight Crossover series I'm doing. The series starts with Kindler if you want to give it a read.
Hm. That would make me Demisexual, not Asexual. Thanks for clearing that up and bringing attention to this issue.
11023933
I'm glad this was able to help.
Nice story. Very informative
me = ?
11024047
Thank you.
Very based.
Long time aroace reporting. This was a nice little read and quite an effective way to go over the immediate questions and assumptions we're so often presented with. I always appreciate an effort to raise ace awareness!
11024189
Thank you, I am glad you like it. I feel like it's a bit clunky and I could do better, but I'm happy with how it turned out.
This piece dumps a lot of information using Cadance as a mouthpiece, but I don't think it's a story. It does nothing to personalize anyone's lived experience, look at the wider meaning of how this impacts life, or anything else to create a set of stakes and payoffs to engage readers. I'm left feeling like I've been handed a pamphlet, not like I was given something with the power to draw me in and create an investment.
That's a perennial problem with these kinds of educational / informational pieces, and an easy trap to fall into, but it really does a disservice to both the concept being explained and to the audience. The concept is reduced to something distant and unrelatable because it's not explored in terms of personal impact, and the audience is betrayed in their expectation that a story should have something personally impactful to say.
I'm wary of critique being made prescriptive (ie., offering "this is what you should do instead" advice) because ultimately it's authors who have to create stories and the readership usually shouldn't be trying to direct. That said: a story about asexuality using Cadance as the main character could be much better accomplished by writing something about how it affects her life in terms of, say, the adventures it must have caused her in figuring out and reconciling her relationship with Shining Armor. That would be much more interesting and personal.
I was thinking about looking up more on this. Thanks for including sources of more info too.
11024533
No problem.
11024444
I admit, I could have done it better and it is clunky. But this was good practice. My focus was on making sure I had the right information, and I didn't have time to a longer, more engaging piece.
I am working on a fic that features a demisexual character that's going to be more engaging. While the focus won't be on demisexuality itself, it will have an impact on the character's life and how they perceive or interact with others. Something more subtle.
My Mothling AU has better integration of aroace themes and this was written mostly to get my confidence back up after I doubted their inclusion in the series. This is a niche topic and I know it isn't going to garner as much interest as my other works. But there will be improvements in the future,
11024559
Wouldn't it be better to spell out the link to asexuality.org and tell people to read from there?
By making it into a story you could have a theater with different roles, giving "practical" examples in a EQG setting (for a more relateable human world since ponies never discuss sex anyway).
But instead you chose verbose dialogue that ended up less efficient at conveying information than the website mentioned. Seems inefficient?
11028244
And I did mention that I didn't have time to write a better piece, among other things. I have already aditted that I could have done better were circumstances better and I plan to do better in the future.
What more do you want me to do?
11028389
It was more of a heads-up and suggestions for improvement for your planned take on demisexuality.
As far as asexuality goes, it has come with a lot of different brands and labels throughout the last 2000 years, with "chaste" and "virtuous" having a positive note, and "frigid/impotent" are often interpreted in a negative way, while asexuality tries to be a neutral label in the middle.
Of course there are also other things to ponder. Nobody expects two elderly seniors to have the same sexual passion as newly weds, but at what age is asexuality normal and at what age is it uncommon?
11028649
I have a better handle on Demisexuality than the broader asexual spectrum by being able to draw on my own experiences as a demi and translating that to a character (writing original characters is one of my writing strengths) and I have a character in a larger project that reflects that. It won't be the main point of said of character, because that's not good character writing, but it is something I'm going to work on.
Hell, pretty much all my self-insert OC's are demisexual/demiromantic by default because that's how I thought everyone was until I figured out I was demi and that learned lust/love at first sight was not just media shorthand for a romance plot or a trope in fiction. The best I can do when it comes writing allo characters is by simply taking cues from what I've read in fanfics and seen in various forms of media.
I appreciate the criticism but I do wonder if I did anything right in this given that the main focus of your advice is towards the presentation of everything.
11028704
What you did right, was to bring an entirely new point of view to present it. Using an icon the fandom associates with sexual passion (if you judge a character's fandom reputation from art with explicit themes). This bold move broke a lot of headcanons, and it may explain why some didn't like it? (Using Moondancer would've been easier.)
Doing asexual sex-ed material in Equestria is quite a challenge, and I've spent time thinking about how I would tackle such a difficult challenge. So your work has also been inspirational.
11028720
Thank you. And if you're inspired to write something, I wouldn't mind giving it a read. More ace rep is always good to see.
Honestly I came up with the Ace Cadance headcanon on a whim for the Mothling AU as a way to better distinguish her role as god of empathy and bonds, since sex and sexual attraction is tied so closely to passion, which is covered by another character in the series. So far the reception has been positive and the headcanon in one I'll keep using whenever I include Cadance in a fic in the future.
This fic was such a rush job because I found out about ace awareness week a few days prior, had the first scene already done and sitting on the backburner, and finished the rest of it in about two-three days. But, it won't be the only time I'll be covering asexuality in my fics anyway, and my major rule when working with these sorts of topics is to bring them up through the lens of character interactions. Small moments between characters, an issue cropping up between friends due to a misunderstanding or assumption, sheer demisexual confusion because How are they attractive? You don't know them?, that sort of thing.
So you can see where I dropped the ball with this one.