Baldric Gareth, a man among men in the army.
While he was out on a mission with his men, Baldric got hit by a banishment spell from an evil wizard. To his surprise, he finds that this world he was banished to is no void but rather a thriving world with creatures and animals both good and evil. Now Baldric must embark on a quest to find a way back home. Will he find help or will he be forever trapped in this new world?
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The prologue is short and sweet, it's also a bit childish. But that's because I just wanted it to be done and over with because it doesn't have ponies in it. (It's entirely skippable imo)
P.S. The picture I submitted is supposed to be the Main Character.
Chapters (7)
Guild wars 2 is what it makes me think of.
1253141
yes, my main character is heavily influenced by the game, lol
So many typos and grammar mistakes it hurts my eyes. Couldn't read past the first paragraph. Try again later when you learn to write, please. Commas and a proofreading software might be your best bet of improving.
Please, please no more!
1253696
They have Software for that?!
1254110 Microsoft Word has a spelling and grammar check
1254149
I write in Microsoft Office 2007, I read it over a few times. While fixing the errors it catches and doesn't catch for me. I then copy and paste it over. Apparently it isn't very good. lol
1254195 Oh, and I see an error in your description - "thriveing" should be "thriving"
1254216
Thanks, I fixed it along with some other grammar errors, I know I did not catch everything. I found a free program that will hopefully fix my grammar/spelling errors better than Microsoft Word, along with a website that's called Daily Writing tips. I'm going to go back through my submitted chapters and fix what I can.
Ok, I'mma start reading and then write what I think as I go...
Well, I can see whatever grammar fixing you've apparently done has worked. It's definitely readable so far. The prose is quite simplistic, which works at first, because the protagonist is a small child, and thus actually thinks like this... not so much for post timeskip though. It makes Baldric come across as a wee bit dim, not sure if that was intended though. The main reason it sounds so simplistic is because you mostly tell the reader what happens, rather than show Baldric doing things and reacting to plot developments, in a vaguely upbeat manner, using mostly small words like a childrens' book might. It comes across as a synopsis, really, although reading about Nordic farming might be going too far in the opposite direction...
At least the method of shoehorning him into Equestria was better than most, although his farewell speech seemed a little wooden for someone (who thinks he is) about to die, at least until he started crying, presumably over his sister/mother. Not bad, but not great so far. Nothing to make me dislike the character... your action scenes could be more dynamic though. Basically, wizard appears, is vaguely threatening, casts spell, Baldric doesn't bother to dodge, beheads wizard. Basically, they both stood still until the wizard was finished casting, then Baldric doesn't think to dodge or anything. The wizard then stays completely still allowing Baldric to behead him. Make it a bit more back and forth please, unless this really is meant to read like a childrens' book. With extra beheadings.
Chapter 2 rolls around, and it starts out a bit boring, but necessarily so. Clothes out of leaves? Well, if it worked for Adam... to be honest, kinda having a hard time picturing that working very well. I can see the club and everything, suits him to a T, honstly, but the leaves? Wouldn't they just fall off? Oh, good job by the way by not turning that firebird encounter into an actual fight. Far too many new authors writing HiE sprinkle their chapters with pointless and poorly written fight scenes to show off how speshul and k3wl their OC is, and honestly it sucks. You dodged that bullet so far.
I like Zecora, she's nice. She's meant to rhyme though, sorry. She talks kinda reversed, so sounds a bit mystical here, but she's really meant to have a rhyming scheme where the last word of a clause forms rhyming couplets (AABBCC...etcetc). Oops, spoke too soon. Random encounter with timberwolves... handled reasonably well though, to be fair, and Baldric doesn't come across as OP, just as a really large man. Since he's a norn, it's pretty much assured he's a really large man, so I'll let you off on the slightly cliche 'double neck grab smash' maneuver.
Oh, since you're writing in third person, you might want to italicise Baldric's thoughts when they appear in text, or use some other marker. Just putting them in as normal text works for first person, but here it breaks flow a little trying to work out what is narration and what is Baldric making an observation. Overall though, good job. I'm normally much more caustic than this, but since you apparently got a spellcheck and fixed some grammar before I got here, it's actually much better than I expected. Not great, but definitely interesting enough to read for a bit. Just don't put in random encounters where they serve no purpose other than to allow you to write a fight scene, and you should be ok. Oh, and make your fights more dynamic, where you have them. Action and reaction, not just single actions. Looking forward to seeing where this goes, because I initially expected a self insert...