Party of One
For some reason, at the moment – I don’t know why only just now – I find myself remembering the good old days. All of the milestone parties, the late nights spent waiting for some experiment or other to conclude. The times when it felt too late to go home, and we were too awake to go to sleep. Those good old times when I was among good friends, sharing fun and laughter together. It suddenly seems, for the first time in many long, lonely years, that I’m enjoying that almost forgotten experience once again.
I’m laughing. A wholehearted guffaw of the body, mind, and soul. The kind only to be had from true, honest-to-goodness enjoyment. I can barely breathe! My chest hurts! It feels so good. It feels like relief, it feels like something I haven't had for a good long time… happiness. I don’t even know why I find it so funny, that I am being accused of lying. But then, that's the name of the game.
“Horseapples!” My accuser accuses one more time, a cute little giggle following shortly after.
The chuckles take their time leaving me, and it takes a moment to catch my breath. When I'm able, I reply as coolly as possible, “You have just two cards in your hoof. And almost the whole deck on the table, liable to go back into your hoof if you're wrong. You are this close to winning, are you sure you want to risk it, Derpy?”
“You're not very good at bluffing,” she smiles back to me.
We’re playing ‘Bullshit’…or ‘Horseapples’ as the ponies call it. A simple card game. Each player discards as many cards as they like on their turn, and says aloud that they are so many cards of a particular number, incremental from one player to the next. But they can lie about it. Then any other player can call 'bullshit.' If they lied, the discarding player has to take the entire discard pile into their hand. If the cards were as said, then the player who called 'bullshit' gets the pile of cards. The player with no cards at the end wins.
Ironically, despite having damn near half the deck in my hand already, the three cards I just discarded were not twos, as I had claimed. How Derpy knew that, is anyone's guess, but like she said, I'm bad at bluffing, and laughing like a hyena certainly didn't help. I chuckled a little more before reaching over and scooping up the entire pile of cards.
“I knew it,” she proudly says.
“Not my fault I’m bad at the game.”
“Two threes,” she says, discarding her remaining two cards.
Which would make her the winner.
“Bullsh-! I mean horseapples!”
Derpy smiles a devilish smirk and gestures to the only two cards on the table.
I sigh loudly and reach to flip her cards over. "Are you kid-" Two threes. “Derpy, you… you’re a trip, you know that?”
She shrugs playfully. “You're pretty bad at this game.”
I laugh as I lean back in my chair. "Oh… I haven’t had this much fun in ages.”
Applejack returns to the table. “So uh, another round?” She asks. “Or maybe you’ll wanna play somethin’ a might easier for ya?” She kids.
“Just rusty, AJ, just rusty,” I defend.
“Uh huh, sure.” AJ smiles wryly.
Pinkie Pie appears next to me, seemingly out of thin air. “How’s the game going Daney? Didya win?”
“Oh, yeah, I uh, came in…" I count on my fingers. "…sixth place. Right, Derpy?”
She smiles warmly at me and sticks her tongue out.
Pinkie glances around the table, trying to recall how many players there were originally. “Out of six?”
“Heh heh, you win some, you lose some.”
“Awww, better luck next time!”
I watch as Pinkie disappears into the party. It’s getting late and it’s starting to thin out. Looking around, I realize that I don’t see Twilight anywhere.
“Hey AJ, where’s Twilight?”
“Uh… I dunno Dane. Maybe she went upstairs a little earlier, she did seem kinda tired today." She looks away. "Hey Berry! You up for another round of Horseapples?”
Berry Punch walks over and puts her mug of cider on the table. “Yeah count me in!” She sits down and gets comfortable.
“Hey Lyra?” AJ glances around. “Oh, where’d that mare get off to? She wouldn’t stop talking about ya a minute ago!” She points at me.
“I don’t know,” I shrug.
Lyra’s nice, but in all honesty, I’m much more worried about where Twilight went. Or actually why. I guess I hadn’t paid it much mind earlier, but she did seem a little down. I hope the other night’s episode hasn’t come back to haunt her.
Crap. What if it has? I should definitely go check on her.
AJ returns from her brief search for Lyra. “Ah well. I can’t find her, guess we’ll play one round without her.”
“Actually AJ, play one without me too. That non-alcoholic cider of yours is running right through me.”
“Alrighty. Ya know the washroom's all the way at the top of those stairs there. Need any help gettin’ up there?”
“I can help him, Applejack,” Derpy graciously offers.
“No, no. I can make it on my own, but uh… could one of you nice young ladies help a tall old human get out of this tiny little damn chair?” I grip my cane and rock myself up and off of the short little pony chair, with AJ nudging my back to help. When I’m finally on my feet, AJ offers her assistance again.
“Now you’re sure you can make it up there on your own?” She skeptically asks.
“Positive. You young ladies go on and play one without me. I might be a while, this old man's prostate ain’t what it used to be.”
With excuses made, I set off for the stairs. Only a month or so ago, they would've been painful for my knees, but not a problem at all. It's amazing just how much a little heart attack can take out of you. The stairs loom before me, dauntingly, but I take them one step at a time. One painstakingly slow – and painful – step at a time. I feel like Applejack is watching me go, itching to come to my aid, but I don't look. A man needs to keep some of his dignity, plus I'm hoping I'll find Twilight alone. When finally I reach the little landing between floors, I hear a toilet flush. The short little door opens, and none other than Lyra Heartstrings appears.
“Oh! Hi Dane.”
“AJ was looking for you, uh… you must’ve been in there a while.”
“Yeah. Don’t eat the cupcakes!” Lyra warns.
Shit. I've consumed quite a few of the sugary confections–
“Just kidding! I had spicy food for lunch.”
Oh. Letting out a breath, I mutter, “I… I didn’t need to know that, Lyra…”
“Don't worry, I opened the window!” Lyra says as she gingerly walks past me.
“Gee, thanks.”
She giggles as she heads downstairs. Of course I wasn’t actually planning on using the facilities, but at my age, I'd be crazy to pass up a bathroom. Besides, Lyra saw me here, so I might as well, for appearances sake.
As it turns out, the library’s ‘facilities’ appear to be an afterthought to the building. Then again, the 'building' was clearly an afterthought to the damn tree. So I suppose… by that measure, this broom closet with a squat toilet and foal-sized clawfoot bathtub is actually an extravagance. I take my leak and after, stoop down to wash my hands under the tub’s ‘Cold’ faucet. There is no sink… there’s no room for one.
The white porcelain handle squeaks loudly with each turn I give it, and with the water running, the faucet leaks from around the handle. The valve needs repacking. A white bar of soap sits in a soapdish just above the faucets. I lather up and I notice that the soap is strangely devoid of any pony hair. I would've thought it'd be impossible for a fur-coated pony to keep a soap bar hairless. Maybe Twilight has some kind of spell for that, who knows?
Leaving the tiny bathroom that has given new meaning to the term ‘water closet,’ I duck my head to get through the door, and, seeing that the coast is clear, I begin the journey up the last steps to the actual second level. Seven more grueling steps behind me, and I see that the library's living quarters appear devoid of all party paraphernalia, and of Twilight.
"Twilight?" I call out, hoping for an answer.
None comes to me.
Making my way across the room, I see on the table near the hearth – the 'kitchen' table, you might say – an amber glass pill bottle. Its label reads: 'Sleep aid - non-magical.' The wad of cotton is still under the cork. Maybe poor Twilight thinks she won't catch a wink tonight…
I sigh.
To me, that seems to confirm it, she's troubled about something. And what that something is, I fear I already know.
Across the room, I pull the glass balcony door open and find my target sitting out there all alone, peering through her telescope at the stars of the twilight sky. Silently I stand in the doorway, wondering if I should even bother her at all.
Twilight moves her head back from the lens, but doesn't turn to look at me. "Do you have stars, Dane? Where you're from?" Though she hides it well, her words are soured by sorrow.
I sigh again.
I can hear it in her voice. I know better than to answer the question. It'd be pointless to answer, she's not asking the real question, or perhaps she's already answered it herself. What really matters now is that I begin walking to her side. So, I was right to be worried about her after all. Poor Twilight. She's had this thing on her mind for a whole day now? No, wait. I was unconscious for a while – two days now. Two whole days! She's been stewing over this horrifying, breakdown-causing, life-altering philosophical conundrum for that much time. Two days, with this kind of thing weighing on her, it might as well have been three years, or something. Why? Why couldn't she just be like everyone else? Just totally ok with all the more philosophical implications of the existence of alternate universes, and her place therein. Aware of the implications, but unburdened by them? Why did she have to be… like me?
Although I suppose… if she weren't, she wouldn't be Twilight Sparkle.
She clears her throat. "Have you ever looked up at them and- and felt-" A single sob escapes her as I approach. "Just small and insignificant?"
"Oh Twilight," I say as I step by her side, "you are anything but small and insignificant." I reach my hand over and gently stroke her withers. Though she doesn't react to it, she does turn her face away from me, hiding her pained expression. Her shoulder muscles are tense right now, and she's holding her breath.
Then she stifles a couple of short sobs.
A glance around reminds me that this world is sorely lacking in seating. I curse quietly to myself, looking down at the hard balcony floor. I might not regret this, but I will definitely pay for it in the morning. But it's for Twilight, she needs me right now. So I grip my cane tightly and lower myself down on my knees. I ease myself down into a miserably uncomfortable sitting position where I can be at eye level with Twilight.
I put my hand on her withers again, this time giving a slight press in my direction. "Come here, Twi. Come here."
She rests her head on my shoulder and the dam bursts. Twilight cries. She bawls.
"That's it, go on. Let it all out."
It breaks my heart to see her tormented like this. With every sob she heaves, I feel more and more like shit. How could I have done this to her? How could I put her through this anguish? It wasn't ignorance on my part. I knew better. I knew! Not many can fathom the depths of what Twilight is going through right now… but I can. I did. And I opened my big stupid mouth anyway.
What a bastard I am…
"Why did I have to open my big mouth?" I mutter to myself.
She shakes her head 'no.' Between sobs, she manages to say, "I'm glad… you told me."
"No you're not. Now, just let it all out."
As I hold her, patting her gently on the back, I think about what I told her the night before last. I should've kept my big mouth shut. I should have continued gleefully ignoring Twilight's attempts at prying the whole truth from my crusty old lips. But alas, she's far too intelligent for that to have succeeded… she undoubtedly would've come to her own conclusions in time, and I'd bet any money that they would've been right.
No, Twilight Sparkle is too smart for that.
I suppose I had little choice in telling her… but how I wish she wasn't taking it so hard! In her wretchedness, I see my younger self… oh so many years ago. I know that pain, perhaps better than anyone. Indeed, I wholly understand it. Why could I not have spared her this misery of feeling so very small and insignificant, just as she had put it?
Her cries finally peter out, but I keep her held tight. The most important thing right now is that she knows someone is there for her.
"Let me tell you a story, Twi."
She says nothing, still resting her head on my shoulder, taking ragged breaths through her mouth.
"Once upon a time… there was a handsome young human. And when he looked up at the stars, he saw wonder and possibilities. A multitude of worlds just waiting to be explored. Now, see, the stars were there but they were not clear. For many months, he and his friends worked on their, uh, 'telescope,' constantly making adjustments and improvements."
She sniffles.
"When finally their work paid off and the day came when they could see clearly, to look upon another world entirely, whether it was fate or just dumb luck, that very world the young, enterprising humans looked upon… seemed to be only a reflection of their own. As if they were looking not into a mirror, but at themselves. Looking at themselves, looking into the telescope, looking at themselves. Like a hall of mirrors."
Twi seems to have bated breath as I continue my fairy tale.
"The young human looked and looked, and finally caught a glimpse of his own 'reflection.' Except it wasn't him at all. His reflection seemed to have a much more daring taste in facial hair styling, because the reflection wore a handlebar moustache."
She moves slightly in my embrace, perhaps unsure of where I'm going with this, coughing and sputtering just a little as she moves.
"Now, you see, Twilight, the young human had never had such a moustache – big, bushy, and macho. So it was that this wasn't a reflection at all, but another world entirely… one where all the same humans existed, and apparently everything was the same, except for that damned moustache. In that moment, the young human – only him – saw in the stars, no longer wonders and magic, but instead he saw just how small he was compared to those stars."
She starts sobbing again, and I gently stroke her mane.
"The young human would later say that what happened afterward was just a blur to him. He knew, though, that he ran off and locked himself in his office. His friends had to break the door down to get to him. And he knew that it took a good seven days before he could even eat food without someone shoving it down his face. To make a long story short… he was fucked up."
Twilight heaves a sob that could almost pass for a mirthless chuckle.
"But…! That's not the end of the story at all. The young human had his friends who loved him very much. They were there for him in his time of need. They reminded him that he was loved, that he was needed, and that he was special. With their help, eventually the young human could see again, and he could see that the colossal, imposing stars no longer made him feel small… at all."
She sniffles.
"Listen to me, Twilight. No matter what the multiverse has to say about it, you are in no way insignificant. You are your own mare. You make your own choices, your own mistakes. Nothing can change the fact that you exist, and that you are uniquely you. Not even another universe's Twilight with a moustache, so to speak."
Twilight nods weakly on my shoulder.
"Good, good. Now I'll be here for you, Twilight, and if I could, I'd love to hold you in my arms forever, but I'm afraid I'm just about to pass out from the pain in my back. Think you could help me to just lay down on the floor for a minute to stretch out?"
Weakly, she removes herself from my now-wet shoulder and gently helps me roll to the side and lay down on the floor of balcony. I straighten out my legs and groan in sweet relief.
"Oh thank you, Twi."
All of a sudden I see Applejack galloping over, assuming something must be wrong, what with me on my back.
"Dane! What happened? Are you alright?"
"Oh I'm fine. Just laying around."
"Well, uh if you're fine, then why is Twilight cryin'? Oh, consarnit, Dane! I told you those dead foal jokes were in bad taste!"
"Hey. Applejack. You laughed, ok?"
"I, uh- That is to say…"
"That's not even what's going on here." I wave my hands dismissively.
"Then what is?"
"I think Twilight just needs the comfort of a friend right now."
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First Quantum Castaway updates after 3 years, now this? Awesome.
Granpa Dane is best brony.
THANKYOU SO MUCH!
Good to see this one back on track, a bit lack lustre after such a long time, a bit short too, but it held up to the rest of the chapters. Cheers for keeping it alive.
it.... LIVES!!! IT LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!
well then...
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1032_my_body_is_ready.jpg
Heh, I'm so happy to see this alive again. This was one of the first stories I read, and favorited all those years ago, when I first found this site, and this fandom, and I'm gonna be happy to favorite it again. :)
Finally. You know an interesting thought has occurred.
How old are some of these words that were typed? Like some of these words could be almost 3 years old just sitting there, never gotten to be seen in public eye until now. It makes you think
I've waited and waited and not really minded. I can do other things to pass the time. though I did forget this existed
Horreh jeebus it lives!
no way
7729976
7729984
7730005
7730014 I cannot properly express how good that makes me feel. Half of the whole problem of writing this damn chapter, was me worrying it wouldn't stack up to the previous chapters. So thank you!
7730017 7730311
7730021
7730042 Aww... thank you!
7730091 lol
7730183
7730202 A very interesting thought indeed! It'll be interesting when I finally publish those 4 or 5 stories I wrote like 4 years ago. To answer the question specifically, most of the second half.
7730273 Thank Celestia for notifications!
7730405 yes way
I saw this one many months ago and didn't bother looking since it hadn't updated in so long. Welcome back, this is a lovely story!
3 Hours and you're already on the front page. Welcome back.
Yay you are back.
Heck yeah, glad to see this back.
7729976 IT'S A THANKSGIVING MIRACLE.
OUTTA NOWHERE
Huh wuh?!
Wow... and I thought only my stories updated this far apart. Well, when I get them written at all that is.
So... MOAR!
Da hell? After 3 years?...huh...maybe there is still hope for Equestria total war and foal necromancer....
7730481 7730487 7730529 Thanks!
7730507 I am!
7730550 ikr?
7730555 No, you're not the only one...
7730563 uwood
7730581 Man can dream...
7730611 Really? I thought it had to do with the metal of the blade. Then again, it's probably just an old
wive'sman's tale.7730611 lolwut?
Well, I guess we're all old farts now for waiting...
Hey imagine that!
When we saw the notification we were like, "that's the one with the old dude, right?" and sure enough!
Keep going! ;)
Its been 3 years!?
...........wait.....this show's first season was 2011..........IVE BEEN A BRONY FOR 5 YEARS!?!?
Mind blown.......
7729976
What a time to be alive...
Damn, it's been a while. Cheers, mate, and thanks for the update and not forgetting about the story, eh?
7730456 indeed
I was surprised to see this, but happy surprised because I loved this story. Even reread everything to refresh my memory, such a nice little gift.
Welcome back to the land of the living my little story.
7730781 would be mad at that but I find it funny. My phone sucks at spelling. It will auto correct in such eeird eays!I
Another fic rises from the long dead, is there hope for others?
7731219 I hope so... Hail to the King and Mort Takes a Holiday come to mind.
I am, in fact, still here.
And by the way, I also have a story "on hiatus" since 2013 that I still mean to get back to. . . Real. Soon. Now.
Made me choke on my drink, thanks for that
7730725 *nods*
7730870 Hue.
7730899 ikr? Doesn't seem that long.
7730996
7731059 Never ever forgotten.
7731107 *snicker* My Little Story... lol
7731219 Maybe, at least until those writers ragequit the fandom lol.
7731587 Sounds about right.
7731637 Well thank you! But to be perfectly honest, that whole chapter was added as a means of... explaining to the certain group of readers who refuse to cast any disbelief whatsover on Einstein's theories - even in a work of fiction - that Dane is not really grounded in hard science, and never was. That line that you quoted was him going a bit too far, effectively insulting Julie. She has other lines that kind of shut him down, exlpaining the difference between a hypothesis and a theory, and so on. She's there for that group of readers to identify with because she IS grounded in hard science. That all being said, light speed travel (the topic that rustles jimmies here) is according to all we know, impossible. But what I propose is that we only know that based on sub-lightspeed experiments, and math. We lack the technology to really attempt to push the boundaries, although many have tried (and some claim to have succeeded). I forgot where I was going with this.
7732412 Chop chop.
7732606 FINALLY someone mentions that! I thought it was a good joke, I'm glad you did too.
I'm still here ya damn dirty ape.
7732838 Are you? Are you really?
7732748 What's worse than a dead baby?
Two dead babies
is it along those lines?
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
It was dead
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired
Huzzah! My virgin sacrifice to the great Cthulhu worked! More story!
7733546 lol
What's the difference between a pile of dead foals and an apple cart?
I don't have an apple cart in my barn.
7733651
7733110 eeeyup
God damn this is nostalgic.
7734973 What's the difference between an apple and a foal?
I don't skin the apple when I eat it
7730202 I STILL WANT MY TICKETS! How much are they for 1?
Happy to see you and the story back :)
Three years of absence, and then, sanity-breaking existentialism.
Kicking it off on high gear, I see...
7734973
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/023/007/f29.png
*Flings fistfuls of money*
MAKE THAT PORTAL HAPPEN, BRO!
7735397
7735611
7738020
7739185 You know it! *winks*
7739538 *takes money* Sure! Just give me 60 years.
7740128 *Casually steps into time machine*
See ya in sixty years!
What a return. Not only was it a great chapter to get back to us, but amusing and heartwarming as well.
Welcome back
You know, I almost passed this story by when I saw that this was a brony HiE story. I'm glad I didn't though, and gave this story a chance for it has been a wonderfully well written surprise. Thank you theRedBrony for writing it. I loved every second of reading it, and I hope to see it continued