- Member Since 20th Jan, 2021
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
PegPony
I like writing stories but I'm also a kinky fetishistic loser, that's all you need to know really.
PegPony
Joined 20th Jan, 2021 ·
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Honestly this seems like it has some good ideas? Both as a concept and the content that fleshes out the concept. It doesn't feel funny bad to me, actually it feels decent in some ways but needing some more effort in writing it up to do the concept justice.
After reading this fic I have come to the conclusion that this universe is a simulation. A simulation created by unconscionable beings and operated by monsters for the sole purpose of inflicting suffering. Case in point, the entirety of Pegpony's catalog.
10812268
Thank you! Unfortunately I don't intend to flesh out this story but I'm glad you think it's good rather than funny bad :)
10812345
That's a very imaginative way of saying "I don't like your stories", I like it! I don't mind that you think everything I write is terrible, you do you :)
Okay, this story isn't among the best I had read on this site, but definitely better than the number of downvotes would suggest.
To improve the story consider the following:
Make only one chapter (chapters below ~900 words are simply too short). For scene changes use the
[hr]tag to create a horizontal line.Make the sentences shorter. If a sentence has more than 12-14 words consider splitting it up.
At last, remember the usual "show, don't tell" suggestion.
Also, consider making the interaction a bit longer and add more details.
For example, instead of Luna simply making herself cum and and filling the bowl do something like this:
Remember to add details to every interaction.
10814144
Wow, thank you so much for all the advise! I'll definitely try to implement your suggestions into future stories! I'm surprised that you were willing to help me improve a story that I wrote badly on purpose, if enough people want it I may consider doing this story again but doing it properly!