Pear Butter’s Love Story
Pear Butter’s Love Story
By Brittany Rivers. From My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! Based on the episode from Season 7 episode 13 ‘The Perfect Pear’. (This story is very similar to William Shakepear’s “Romeo and Juliet”.)
Chapter 1: Introduction
I hope this can help my children in the future. My name is Pear Butter, I’m 28 years old and I live in Ponyville. Yes, I am a country girl. My father’s name is Grand Pear, and my mother, Cinnamon Pear, died when I was 5 months old.
When I was a filly, at the age of 3, things were different. I only had one friend, who’s name was Chiffon Swirl. There was a feud between the Apples and the Pears. We were arguing about whose is the best farmer and who took better care of their trees.
All of the Apples and Pears were rivals to the core, and The Apple families, and the Pear families hated each other. The only Apple and Pear that ever got along was myself and a little colt named Bright Macintosh.
Chapter 2: Meeting Bright Mac
When I was 3 years old looking for buttercup flowers around the garden, I heard a little voice one day that went like “Psst.” I looked around the spot that I was in to see where the voice came from.
Then, I looked up to see a young colt about my age with red hair and black eyes. “I’m not supposed to talk to you.”, said the colt. “I’m not supposed to talk to you either.”, I said. “My mom said if you hold a buttercup under your chin, it’ll make your chin glow. But, it doesn’t work on me. See?” He put his chin under the buttercup.
I put my chin under a buttercup and said, “Does it work on me?” And I heard his heartbeat, and he said, “It sure does, buttercup.” I smiled and said, “Buttercup. I like that name.”
Then I said, “I’m Pear Butter, What’s your name?” “I’m Bright Macintosh,” he said, “but you can call me Bright Mac.” We shook our hooves, and this is how I met Bright Macintosh.
Chapter 3: A broken water silo and Bright Mac’s Honesty
Years later after I met Bright Mac when I was about 10, Bright Mac and his good friend, Burnt Oak, were racing to see who could plow a field the fastest and Bright Mac would leave him in the dust, and he would’ve won too if he wasn’t so distracted.
I was picking berries and all of a sudden I heard a loud crash behind me, then a water silo broke, and I was soaked with water in my mane. I looked at the water silo, then my father came up to me and said, “Pear Butter, what did you do?” I- I’m not sure.” I said.
My father blamed me for what happened to the water silo. But then, I heard a voice behind me. It was Bright Mac! “She didn’t do it, sir.” said Bright Mac. “Excuse me?” my father asked. “The water silo. It was my fault.” Bright Mac said. I giggled softly, but then my father looked at me for a moment then, he turned to Bright Mac. “You owe me a new silo, boy!” said my father, “And you, come with me!’ my father said. “No daughter of mine is going to make goo goo eyes at an Apple!” my father said to me as we walked away from Bright Mac.
I looked at Bright Mac and gave him a smile. He looked at me and I could tell he had a crush on me. My father never would’ve known it was Bright Mac’s fault, and he would never let me take the blame for something he did. He worked on the apple farm all day, and he went to my house on his breaks to fix the water silo, his good friend, Burnt Oak, didn't see him for weeks, not that he minded, it gave him a chance to get to know me. I knew at that moment that Bright Mac was honest.
Chapter 4: A Secret Picnic and A Love Song for Bright Mac
8 years passed after the incident with the water silo, I turned 18 years old. I did mention that in the beginning that I had a good friend named Chiffon Swirl. One day when I had some free time, I brought her some candied pears, eggs, flour, sugar, and vanilla, and I told Chiffon to just be creative. Next thing she knew, she was whipping up Pear Upside-down cake, and she got her cutie mark. She said it was like I knew what she was supposed to do long before she did. I was with her through it all. I’d be her taste-tester, help with the decorating, and prep up new ingredients. Over the years, she perfected her recipes, and I did so much for me.
One day, Chiffon wanted to surprise me with a cake, but she saw
me with Bright Mac at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres, having a picnic. Chiffon hid in the bushes. Bright Mac made me a bouquet of buttercups, then he smelled them, and he sneezed the buttercups in front of me and the buttercups were in my mane.
I laughed, then we almost kissed, but we heard a stick crack, I gasped, then Bright Mac made an angry face, then Chiffon waved her hoof at me and Bright Mac’s angry face went from a small smile. “Oh, it’s just you.” I said. “Sorry,” Chiffon said, “I brought you a little something to say thank you, but I see you're busy.” Me and Bright Mac blushed and laughed a bit. “Promise you won't say anything?” I asked Chiffon. She sealed her lips but then the three of us heard Bright Mac’s mother, Granny Smith, saw me and Bright Mac and she made an angry face at Bright Mac. “What in tarnation are you doing, Bright Mac?!” Granny Smith yelled, “We do not fraternize with Pears!” She pulled Bright Mac’s ears and he looked at me and winked, then I smiled and waved at him back. Chiffon turned to me. “You and Bright Mac?”, she said, “I wouldn’t believe it, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Your families hate each other!” “I can’t help it,” I said “We just sort of.. Happened. I was bubbly with hearts and Chiffon was trying to get my attention.
A week after that, I told Chiffon the sweetest love story she had ever heard. I told her that me and Bright Mac were having another picnic, because it was a surprise he planned for me.
“Happy One hundred-thirty-one-thousand-four hundred-fifty-six-hour-Anniversary, Darlin’.” Bright Mac said to me. He put a buttercup flower in my mane. “What? That's way longer than we’ve been together.” I said. “I know,” Bright Mac said, “but it’s the Anniversary of the first time I called you ‘buttercup’.”
I smiled and blushed at him. “It’s ok if you didn’t get me anything.” I rolled my eyes at him and said, “Actually, I did.” I holded a guitar up. “A guitar? For me?” Bright Mac said, as he grabbed the guitar out of my hooves. “But, I don't know how to play.” I smiled and said, “Quiet, you.” I sang a song that I wrote for him,
We’re far apart in every way
But you’re the best part of my day
And sure as I breathe the air,
I know we are the perfect pear
On a prickly path that goes on for miles,
But it’s worth just to see you smile.
And I cannot be pulled apart
From the hold you’ve in my heart
And even if the world tells us it's wrong
You’re My Head Like A Catchy Song
“Wow, it’s just, Wow.
“Do you like it? Be honest, now.”
“It’s the best gift you could’ve given me!”
The seasons change and leaves my fall
But I’ll be with you through them all
And rain or shine you’ll always be mine
On a prickly path that goes on for miles
You’re the only one who makes it all worthwhile
And you should not blame me too
If I can’t falling in love with you
I blushed and covered my mouth a bit. Then, Bright Mac said, “Hey! No fair! I was gonna tell you the same thing!” “You’re just mad that I beat you to it.” I said. Bright Mac put his hat on my head. “I’m telling you, I was going to pulled you cover your eyes, lead you to over here, and say ‘Surprise!’’ I looked and smiled as I saw a rock that was carved with a heart, pear, and butter on it, and the drawing meant to say “Pear Butter”. “Then you say, ‘Oh Bright Mac! I love it!’” Bright Mac said, trying to make a good impression of me. “And I’d say ‘I love you.’ Too bad it didn’t work, though. “Yup. Too bad.” I said, as I hugged him. That day was the greatest day ever.
Chapter 5: Sad News for Me
About a few weeks after my surprise, I was reading my book in my bedroom and my father came in and said to me, “The Pears are moving to Van Hoover.” After I heard these words from my father, I gasped. “We’re moving?! To Van Hoover?! But, that’s so far!” I said. “It’s what's best,” my father said, “There’s acres of untouched land, and a warehouse to make our jams. We’ll have to expand our business, and get away from those Gosh darn Apples!”
I was devastated when I heard this. By seeing no way out of it, I did what I had to do. I went to Bright Mac crying about the news. He felt sorry for me. “So, that’s it?” asked Bright Mac. “What do you want me to do, Bright Mac?” I asked him, “We’re moving. I love you, but I have to stay with my family.” I walked away crying.
Then Bright Mac had an idea. He went to my best friend Chiffon Swirl and went to Mayor Mare and Burnt Oak and told them that he needed a bunch of treats and Mayor Mare to be at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. He had a big surprise that day.
Chapter 6: A Secret Wedding
After a day when I packed all of my stuff for the move to Van Hoover, I was outside on the rocking chair looking at the sunset, I put my head on a pillow that was on the rocking chair then I heard a voice. It was Bright Mac! “Buttercup, come with me. I have a surprise for you.” he said. “Ok.” I said. I followed him to the edge of Sweet Apple Acres.
I gasped when I saw a beautiful spread and a bunch of treats and I saw Mayor Mare, Chiffon Swirl and Burnt Oak. “I don’t want to be apart from you ever. I’m not sure what we’ll do, but I’m sure of us, sure if I marry you today.” Bright Mac said to me. I cried a little with joy. “I would too!” I said happily. “I think that’s my cue.” Mayor Mare said. Mayor Mare had the honor of officiating Me and Bright Mac’s secret wedding, and it was perfect.
Bright Mac knew I wouldn’t want a big splash. So, we both had a special way to seal our vows. “I now pronounce you-” Mayor Mare said half way until Bright Mac and I heard Granny Smith said, “What is going on?! What is with these here candles?“ Then I heard my father’s voice, “Pear Butter! Where are you? You’re supposed to be packing!” Then he looked at Me and Bright Mac together. “What are you two doing?” My father asked both of us. Then, Bright Mac looked at my father and Granny Smith bravely. “Ma, Grand Pear,” Bright Mac said while he hugged me, “Buttercup and I are in love!” “WHAT?!” My father and Granny Smith said in shock. “And we’ll be married as soon as Mayor Mare says,” I said, looking at Mayor Mare. “Oh! I now pronounce you husband and wife.” said Mayor Mare quickly. I looked at Bright Mac and smiled, “Doesn’t that feel nice?” and I kissed him then he kissed me back then we rubbed our cheeks together. “What are you talking about? Married? You two can’t be married!” Granny Smith said to Bright Mac. “Finally! Something that we can agree on!” said my father to Granny Smith. Then, my father looked at me and said, “Pear Butter, enough of this nonsense. We’re moving! And you’ve got to stick with your family!” He started to walk away and then I said, “But the Apples are my family now too.”
My father looked at me in shock. “You can’t be serious!” he said, “Are you choosing to be an Apple? Over being a Pear?” I looked at Bright Mac then I teared up when I looked at him. “Are you making me choose?” I asked my father when my voice was breaking. “Yes. I am.” my father said to me. I started crying then I said. “Then yeah. I guess I am.” Bright Mac put his hoof around my neck. “Fine!” My father said.
He ran away after I said that. I was crying until Granny Smith wiped my tears and smiled at me, and I smiled back. My relationship with Granny Smith got better in a whole week. She invited me to the Apple Family Reunion. I was happy to be in the Apple Family. But most of all, I was happy with my husband, Bright Mac.
Chapter 7: Epilogue
Pear Butter was happy to be in the Apple family. After a few years, Pear Butter had 3 children, Big Macintosh, Applejack, and Apple Bloom. Sadly in 2008, Pear Butter and Bright Mac died.Their fate is still unknown after 12 ½ years, but their legacies are passed down to their 3 children, Big Macintosh has Bright Mac’s humility, Applejack, has Bright Mac’s honesty, and Apple Bloom has Pear Butter’s abilities to find other ponies talents even if that pony can’t see it in themselves.
Granny Smith was the only relative to take care of Pear Butter and Bright Mac’s children. Pear Butter promised her two older children, Big Macintosh and Applejack to look after Apple Bloom. When Bright Mac was on his deathbed, he gave Applejack his hat that he had. He told his daughter that the hat chooses the pony when he gave her it.
In 2017, Grand Pear returned to Ponyville to get to know his grandchildren that he abandoned years ago. Grand Pear was 72 during this time, and he was kind and gentle. At this time, Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Apple Bloom heard their parents' love story. Granny Smith was surprised that Grand Pear was back, but they reconciled and Apple Bloom, Applejack, and Big Macintosh showed their Granny Smith and Grand Pear something. Pear Butter and Bright Mac left their children something to remember them by. It was an Apple tree and a Pear tree that was planted on the day of their wedding on the edge of Sweet Apple Acres.
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ooh! I like your story
Romeo and Juliet style
10731307
Thxs!
Great story and love the ending to
10765028
Thxs! Ur so sweet😊
You're welcome
Excellent story keep up the good work and I give this story a 10 out of 100 .
And I'm going to help you make more stores.
10824589
Thank you so much! I really needed some help with my stories!
10825161
Your biggest problem I saw is paragraphs. You have to start a new paragraph anytime a new person is speaking. Also, use a comma after dialogue instead of a period if the speech is followed by a line telling who is speaking.
10854650
Sorry about my grammar issues!
Grammar issues aside, it was a cute story with a lot of details taken from the show.
10880994
Aww! Thanks!
I see that others have already given you some feedback on this story, but I think that you deserve something a bit more detailed to help you grow as a writer.
Content-wise I cannot really say much about the story, given that you’ve pretty much just transcibed the episode. Still, there are a few technical issues that I’d like to mention so that you can learn from them and avoid making them in your future stories.
Refrain from putting this kind of information in the story’s opening. When a reader decides to open the story to start reading, you want them to start reading immediately. (You also need to work on providing the so called hook. That is, starting the story with something intriguing that also hints at what the rest of the story’s going to be like.) Opening a chapter and being hit in the face with another author’s note is rather annoying and can discourage a lot of potential readers. In other words, if you really need to state this information somewhere, do so either at the end of the long description or in an autor’s note at the end of the chapter. However, in this particular case, you don’t need to state any of this. The readers can see what episode this is and what play it was based on.
Now, let’s get to the story itself. To be brutally honest, the whole story’s execution needs work. The main problem is that the story isn’t really a story, but—except for a few spots packed with dialogue that are executed rather well—it’s just a mere summary, a mere list of events. You simply state what happened and move on, not leaving any time for the readers to feel as if they were a part of the story and experienced everything the characters did. There’s no time to create a romantic atmosphere with how fast-paced this is and given how all of the information is expositioned, rather than shown and experienced. This also results in you creating the infamous ‘info dumps’ in the story, that is sections of the story where you just pile on information after information without considering the information’s importance. This only results in the audience feeling confused and flooded with information… and remembering nothing in the long run. A good example of an info dump is the whole section marked as the first chapter.
Now, telling, expositioning, and info dumps are sadly issues that are rather hard to deal with, since they usually require large rewrites. In other words, be vigilant while planning out and writing a story to avoid implementing them. They may seem like a good way to save you time, but they just hurt the story.
Now, regarding you splitting the story into separate ‘chapters’. Frankly, it’s not needed. What you’re terming here to be chapters are individual scenes that would be better off if you treated them that way and simply separated them by a line break, such as this default one:
However, as I have said, you also summarise and skim the plot a lot, so if you were to rewrite each of these sections into full-fledged chapters, you could indeed call them that. In that case it’d be good to actually structure these as separate chapters. (In FiMFic’s context, the whole story is currently treated as a single chapter.)
Regarding odd formatting, there’s a lot of it going on when it comes to paragraphs. Sometimes the spaces between paragraphs are too large, sometimes they are missing altogether. As another commenter already pointed out, there are a few spots where you’ve broken the ‘One speaker, one paragraph’ rule. (The one that says you need to start a new paragraph anytime a different character starts speaking.) It may seem like a petty thing, but if you don’t follow this rule, the readers can easily lose track of who’s speaking. Compare this:
with this:
It’s much more clearer to understand, isn’t it? (Note: There are other errors in this part that I didn’t correct.)
Also, know that adding song lyrics to stories hardly ever works, since your audience cannot guess the rhythm and melody behind the words. (Yes, even in case of canon songs.) The result is that they just feel disconnected from the story in that moment. A better way to deal with this is focusing more on the emotions the music brings forth and on the characters’ reactions to the song and any other actions they do while singing/listening.
Regarding some small-scale errors, you tend to use a lot of run-on sentences and comma splices. That means, you keep adding clauses to a single sentence even though you should have started a new sentence a long while ago.
Furthermore, watch out for word repetition (for example, see how you overuse the word ‘said’). It makes the story feel rather bland. Better avoid this by utilising synonyms or rephrasing the sentences so that you don’t need to use the word at all.
Numerals are also a rather big problem for you—and, in my experience, for the majority of newbie writers. Numerals are the symbols that you use to denote numbers, such as 42. The thing is, numerals look different than letters, and as such they stand out too much, visually break up the text, and draw unnecessary attention. That’s why they shouldn’t be used in stories. There are some exceptions to this, such as ammo calibers, but in general, you’ll be better off conveying numbers using words. Furthermore, always think about if you really need to state the exact numbers or if going with a vague, more natural statement won’t be better. In case of this story, I’d say that about ninety percent of the exact numbers are redundant.
I also noticed a lot of recurring issues in direct speech, but for the sake of keeping this comment moderately short, I won’t go into detail here. However, if you want, I can send you a short guide on how to tackle all of these. I also noticed some random errors, but I won’t elaborate on them either for the same reason.
And that’s all I wanted to say. Don’t get me wrong, I surely don’t want to discourage you from writing. In fact, I believe that you have what it takes to become a great writer one day. However, I feel I’ll help you more if I’m brutally honest with you rather than if I resort to pointless sugarcoating.
Plz write more stories!
11031036
I will try to write more stories!
11032918
Ok. :D
Excellent story please keep its going
11228591
Thxs!
Great story, I enjoyed it !!!
11239137
Thank you so much
nice story, even if it turned out a bit short and the dialogues very wrinkled
11257702
thxs! im sorry that the story came out that way, Its hard being autistic