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RushingWind-01


If you miss a line in the game, you reset. You miss it on the track... You could die.

T

On a nice day in Equestria, Scootaloo gets kidnapped. While the Mane 6 and the CMC are trying to save her, the kidnapper has something up with that little, flightless Pegasus...

Rated T for Teen. Contains a brief moment of gore, but nobody was terribly harmed.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 57 )

Interesting. I made a story with her and a prosthetic wing too, but in a completely different matter

Well, I wouldn't mind. But I'd made her a bit hesitant as to why she should get to that starting line of a race track, given what she just went through about her wings, no offense. I mean, would't she still be in shock about what just happened?

Who knows? But thanks for the comment. I'll get to work on the next few chapters as soon as I can. :)

Looks very good and interesting so far. Thought, it makes me wonder, how can Scoot's heart keep up with the preassure of such speed, if you get me

Well, Rainbow Dash once broke the sound barrier as a filly, and she's still alive. And probably several other young Pegasi went super fast as well, and they're still alive too. So it's only fair to have this work for Scoots as well. And let's be real, 116 mph is not fast (except if you're Fluttershy, no offense intended)...

No, I have bigger plans for Scootaloo. Just look out for Chapter 4.

10607758
Okay, though you see that little square with the 2 >> in the right top corner. You must click on that to reply to a comment, Otherwise, you just comment on your own story

Nice job and glad I could help. You should work more on the paragraphs when they speak

10609065
Dunno what you mean, but thanks for the tip. I'll try that for future chapters. :)

10609365
I give you an example, it's a simple rookie mistake

"To put it simply," Hanzal explained, "the Zone is the part of the simulation where it would increase your speed every ten seconds. It may only be a small difference, but the longer you last, the faster you will be." "Exactly. And the faster you go, the faster your reflexes need to be in order to survive. If you sustained too much damage, the simulation will end.", Rushing Wind continued. "Right. I also customized the device so that the knockback from the wall will be simulated.", Hanzal finished.

You have to make a paragraph when the other speaks, like this

"To put it simply," Hanzal explained, "the Zone is the part of the simulation where it would increase your speed every ten seconds. It may only be a small difference, but the longer you last, the faster you will be."

"Exactly. And the faster you go, the faster your reflexes need to be in order to survive. If you sustained too much damage, the simulation will end.", Rushing Wind continued.

"Right. I also customized the device so that the knockback from the wall will be simulated.", Hanzal finished.

Get me now? Much easier to read

10609368
Alright, thanks for the advice. I'll keep that in mind.

Nice job! Looking forward to see it

NIce work! Hmm, I suspect she has to do dodge some obstacles and fight to stay in first place.

And say, have I ever told you my head canon about Scoots?

10622561
I think you even told me about it if you mean the scene you described in a private chat.

10622611
That she is a late bloomer, instead of handicapped?

10623060
Mhm. As I said, sorry if I unsettled you about that with Ray

10623084
Was guilty conscience, given you went silent in the PM after it.

Well, I imagine she might be nervous about racing some wonderbolts. About training, I am sure Hanzal can help

2 chapters at the same time, impressive. Say, ever thought about her meeting former competitors, like retired ones?

Nice work. And Soarin, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets scolded by his teammates and Rainbow for that.

Still, I am pretty sure the training helped Scootaloo. It also gave me an idea.

That out of all ponies, it's Hanzal who gives her a morale boost. How? That he could tell her how his parents motivated him to not give up on his left wing, how this was he is able to use it at all, how he got determined himself not to give up just because of his handicap. Maybe even have a short flight despite it, I had in mind after all he can fly, just not as good/long as a normal pegasus, cramps and such you see

Looking forward to that. And really, Soarin, trying to that to a foal, that's low and dishonorable, could be deadly to her.

And I hope you like the idea I gave you regarding Hanzal

10660369
I'll think about that, but it's good that you liked the chapter. Thanks. :)

10660379
You're welcome! just assumed you like the idea due to the thumbs up of my comment

nice job! But you did it again

"That's still no excuse for what he's done!" Rainbow was still heavily upset, but Rushing Wind just said: "Hey, just calm down for a bit. How about we get some sleep now and watch Scootaloo in the last two races tomorrow?"

New paragraph if another one speaks

10693043
Thanks for the hint. But you should know that Rushing Wind's question was a follow-up to what Rainbow Dash said. I'll consider changing it, though, if you prefer it this way.

10693089
Of course, while it is actually another paragraph, is just looks like its in the same line, you know?

I wonder how many chapters are left

10694615
I have a lot more chapters planned. After all, I did make up my mind about an ending for this story, and there's still the Elite Tournament, so expect more to come. :)

nice job, loved how you made Hanzal here

10710157
You're welcome. After all, you gave me the idea and I used it. :)

10710208
Of course. Though I admit, I originally thought of it more in a dramatic manner. LIke Scoots doubting herself, being alone when Hanzal walks up to her and tells about himself and such, you know? But what you did works well too

I am stuck with the story right now, so I'll put the story on Hiatus until further notice.

Sorry for any inconvenience. :(

I'm glad to see Scootaloo is now flying, this is what I always wanted to see. This is a very good chapter you just made. I'm giving you six stars for doing a good job. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Comment posted by Phetiamwantip deleted Dec 7th, 2022
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11547851
That was my first story, and the first huge one, so I appreciate the criticism. But did you like the beginning?

Comment posted by Phetiamwantip deleted Jul 29th, 2023
Comment posted by Phetiamwantip deleted Jul 29th, 2023
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