Bean There, Done That
Foreword: This chapter crosses over into Irrespective's Beanverse - The Noses Know stories.
Familiarity with them is desirable because this takes place soon after the birth of Celestia and Bean's foal.
“Are you absolutely sure this is safe?” I asked, staring doubtfully at the makeshift setup around the new full-length mirror. Wires, tubes, and jewel-encrusted metal boxes of unknown purpose reached from wall to wall. I’d feel better about the hodgepodge of seemingly random components if they didn’t emit a puff of smoke every few seconds.
Twilight Sparkle sighed. “For the fifth time, Mark, I have absolute confidence in the efficacy of this prototype portal despite its unfinished appearance. When we’ve done a few test runs, I’ll build a more finished version.”
“It’s the idea that it still needs testing that worries me more than its looks.”
“All new equipment needs testing. Star Swirl himself approved my design and he wrote the book on creating portals to other worlds.”
I stuck my tongue out in distaste. “Quoting that old fraud only makes me more leery of it, not less. He may have written the book but you wrote the corrected and updated version.”
Twilight frowned at me. “Prince Mark Wells – get over your prejudice! While Star Swirl might not have been quite the pony I had idolized when I was younger, he is nevertheless still one of the greatest mages in history. His abrasive personality is a product of his time and he has been genuinely trying to improve on that. You could do more to meet him halfway.”
I rolled my eyes. “We have very different concepts of ‘halfway’.”
“Regardless, you both need to keep working on your friendship issues. Enough about that for now. We have a portal to try out.” She turned to her brother who had been listening to us bicker with a resigned look on his face. “Are you ready, Shining?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” the stallion replied.
Twilight’s magic floated a large sapphire over to him. “Here - put this somewhere safe,” she instructed.
“Sure. What’s it for?” he said as he opened the pouch slung around his neck.
“Insurance. This mirror is an open-ended portal without an anchor on the other side. If something happens to collapse it while you’re over there, you can reestablish a connection by attaching that sapphire to any non-liquid shiny surface, another mirror preferably, and activate it with your magic. That will make a connection to this mirror to allow you and anyone else with you to return.”
Shining Armor grinned and winked at me. “Good to know I have a failsafe.”
I said, “Well, as you have volunteered to be in the vanguard to provide the shield for our little expedition, it’s only right to give you a way out.”
Shining Armor’s involvement in our attempts to make contacts with new alternate worlds had come as a direct result of my and Twilight’s disagreement over where and how to enter the different realities. I had advocated for a subtle approach, virtually sneaking in and checking out the situation in disguise if necessary before making contact with the leaders. I listed all the dangerous dimensions we had passed through in pursuit of Starlight Glimmer as my reason for this approach. Parking the outlet for the portal in some remote region would be the safest.
Twilight had flatly contradicted me. “For starters, while a remote location might obscure our arrival on a physical level, on a thaumaturgical one, you might as well attach a beacon and a siren to it. An open-ended portal will spill so much raw magic that it will be blindingly obvious to any pony mage, let alone an alicorn. Sneaking around after making such a raucous entrance would only cast suspicion upon us. It would be best if we choose a location that is convenient to our needs but not too threatening. I’m thinking that the palace gardens would be suitable.”
“How do you know that they’ll even be there?” I argued. “We encountered some very bizarre worlds back then.”
“Star Swirl and I analyzed all the worlds that we’re currently in contact with to find their commonalities. To put it in laypony terms, we found a frequency band that has a 91.6% chance of giving us a fairly benign version of our familiar universe.”
“It’s the other 8.4% that I’m worried about. I insist that we prepare for the worst and hope for the best.”
“You don’t think my abilities to be sufficient to protect us?” Twilight thought about that for a moment. “How about we ask my brother to provide extra security for us? Shiny has the strongest shield of anypony, myself included.”
Thankfully, my friend was intrigued by the idea of exploring new worlds and had agreed to take the lead. I say ‘thankfully’ because Trixie was not happy about me gallivanting off to an unknown world without her and she wanted to ensure my safety. Twilight and I had insisted that at least one triarch remain just in case and, since this was our project, my wife had drawn the short straw. However, with Penumbra by my side and Shining Armor shielding us, Trixie had reluctantly acquiesced.
“Okay, let’s get started,” Twilight said. Her horn emitted a beam of magic that struck a sapphire on the mirror that was a twin to the one she had given to Shining Armor. That activated all the arcane gadgetry attached to it and there came a throbbing noise that quickly died away. “It’s ready,” she told her brother.
The stallion lit up his horn with a shield spell ready to be activated the moment he emerged on the other side. He then stepped through the mirror’s surface without hesitation. Twilight glanced over her instruments for several seconds. After Twilight nodded in assurance that everything was proceeding well, I followed with Penny hot on my heels.
The exit was a bit rough but Twilight had warned us about the turbulence of an unanchored portal. We stepped out onto the manicured lawns of the Canterlot Castle Gardens and looked around. The view shimmered slightly as Shining Armor’s shield distorted the air. He wasn’t using full power but he had the ability to ramp up the shield’s strength in a fraction of a second. Everything seemed normal and familiar, so we waited for the inevitable reaction to our arrival.
Royal Guards had immediately been attracted to the disturbance – an open portal hanging in the air in a quiet garden was impossible to ignore. However, the first pegasi on the scene barely beat the purple alicorn that teleported in to join them. Her alarmed look turned to confusion when she saw Shining.
“BBBFF – what’s going on here?” Then her eyes shifted to me and widened hugely, her jaw dropping. “A male alicorn? Who are you? Where did you come from?”
“I am Prince Mark Wells. As for where I’m from, here’s a hint.” I must be getting the knack for dramatic timing from Trixie. My Twilight stepped through the portal just then. I knew she had planned to spend several moments checking the performance of the portal before following us.
“Hello, other me,” my Twilight said with a smile. “We come in friendship.”
“Oh my!” the other alicorn mare said with a growing grin. “This is looking to be a lot more interesting than the policy updates that I’ve been preparing this morning. Would you all care to join me for morning tea?”
We accepted Twilight’s offer although we could not stay for long. An open-ended portal drew too much power to keep it operational indefinitely. Over tea and cake, we hit the highlights of our different worlds. We found out that their Celestia and Luna had retired and left Twilight to reign over Equestria. Spike served as her Number One Assistant and Advisor. Many other things were very similar to our world, but the statue of Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow in the garden showed how some events took a very different course.
We agreed to schedule a full-day meeting in a week’s time. We gave Shining’s sapphire to Princess Twilight so she could set up a proper permanent portal. In return, the alicorn monarch gave us a small gift that we could use to home in on that dimension’s “frequency” if necessary. My Twilight had squealed with delight at getting that copy of her counterpart’s Friendship Journal and I was looking forward to reading how our histories had differed from the personal experiences of her other self.
After we returned to our dimension, Twilight shut down the portal with a nod of satisfaction with its performance. “I’ll let the equipment recharge for today. May I suggest that we try another destination same time tomorrow?”
That is exactly what we did.
The ponytaurs in that second world found us just as fascinating as we did them. Frankly, our pegasi were far more aerodynamic and graceful, but I admit to envying their hands. That one variation had made a big difference in their civilization though. The ability to finely manipulate objects outside of magic had led to an early industrial revolution. This had led to much more automation and its unfortunate consequence; pollution. Thankfully, it was nowhere near as bad as it had been on Earth but whole teams of all kinds of creatures were employed to mitigate the problem. Comparing the dimension to its technological counterpart, I reckon that the House Path dimension had achieved a better result with their magitek systems.
On the third day, Trixie insisted that it was her turn to accompany Twilight, so I had to remain behind. When the expedition came back, Twilight had a very odd expression on her face but my wife was grinning hugely. Twilight teleporting away without another word confirmed my suspicions.
“Okay, what’s so amusing?” I asked.
“We found out that all alicorns in that dimension are hermaphrodites.”
My eyebrows rose. “I see. Because I can turn into a mare, I know what it’s like to be the opposite sex, but Twi must have been disconcerted.”
Trixie giggled. “That isn’t even the best part. Their Twilight is married to Celestia who got pregnant and gave birth to their foal.”
I found myself grinning along with my wife. “So, that Twilight is the stallion in their relationship? Oh, I’m so going to tease ours about that.”
“Way ahead of you, Dowser!” Trixie said with a huge smirk.
I returned the grin. I could hardly wait for when Celestia paid us a visit between her adventures.
The next world was inhabited by hippogriffs instead of ponies. There were a few with horns that served the same function as our alicorns. Also, there didn’t appear to be any ability to change into seaponies. Their history was a lot different from ours but they still chose to build a city on the side of a mountain and named it Canterlot. We were gifted a history book that promised to give an insight into how that had come about. Considering the genesis of their species from how it occurred in our world, I wanted to know if something had happened to ponies and griffons in their past. Did some disaster occur or was there a more sinister reason? The book might give us the answers but I was reminded of the saying – ‘History is written by the victors’. Further relationships with that world could wait until we had some reliable answers.
Rarity was intrigued to hear about the world where ponies cross-dressed. It had been startling to see noble stallions in flowing dresses while their mares wore suits. Yes, I took lots of photos for my herdmate. Their Rarity, dressed in a stunning three-piece outfit made out of silk, had passed me a large stack of designs to give to my herdmate with the understanding that she would reciprocate. I had a sneaking suspicion that alt-Rarity was perturbed by my distinct lack of finery fit for a prince and this was a not-so-subtle hint to her other self. In return, my Rarity gifted several books on the fashions of our Equus. Included was a signed artist proof copy of Fabulous Designs for Everyone by, you guessed it, Rarity Belle. She also provided a sketchpad that was magically linked to a copy in our herd’s bedroom. Twice each week, the two fashionistas traded design ideas late into the night. My Rarity’s exclamations of “Brilliant, Darling!”, “How very interesting!”, and “I never could have imagined!” kept me from falling asleep until their joint inspiration sessions were finished.
There were many minor variants of Equus visited, none of them possessing a Mark Wells so far. That seemed to indicate that those universes were further from the highest probability ones we had been aiming for. However, the first alternate reality that affected me more deeply than a casual meeting was one where Princess Celestia had met her future earth pony husband in a most unusual way….
The visit began in a typical fashion with pegasi Royal Guards arriving first and warily taking up positions a few paces from the portal. As soon as they had recognized Shining Armor, they had relaxed a bit, but seeing an alicorn stallion standing next to him had obviously confused them. Then Chrysalis stepped through to join me and they went right back to being on full alert. My changeling herdmate had insisted that she had the right to come along on one of these visits. I had pointed out the strong possibility that she would be unwelcome. Many dimensions had negative experiences with their Queen Chrysalis, our friend Chryssy notwithstanding. Not even the addition of Twilight helped the mood.
Normally, by this time, an alicorn would join us at the scene. Today was different though. Earth pony Royal Guards galloped up followed by the slightly slower unicorns. None seemed pleased to see the changeling queen. One unicorn stepped forward whom I recognized as Spear Point and he addressed Twilight rather than me.
“Princess Twilight – would you care to explain this situation, ma’am?” His eyes indicated the faintly glowing shield.
“A simple precaution in light of my companions, Lieutenant Spear Point. This Chrysalis is not any with whom you would be familiar as she is the wife of Prince Mark Wells here.” Technically, Sally was my herdmate but the changeling queen never suffered anything less than being addressed as my wife. Frankly, neither did I, legal technicalities aside. The alicorn continued, “Additionally, I am not the Twilight Sparkle that you know. That is a portal to another dimension and we come visiting in peaceful exploration. The shield is a precaution until both parties are assured of a harmonious visit.”
The unicorn gave Chrysalis a hard stare but she merely smirked back. He turned his attention to me. “I’ve never heard of a male alicorn before. How can I be sure that you are not a changeling in disguise?”
“I suppose we could wait for you to fetch a changeling detection spell, but I have a faster method to convince you,” I replied. “I am the Alicorn of Lightning. Care for a demonstration of power beyond that of any changeling?”
Spear Point glanced at the currently cloudless sky and said, “Not even the best weather pegasus can conjure lightning without a storm cloud. How do you intend to prove your boast?”
“So, I have your permission to demonstrate?”
He grunted skeptically and waved a foreleg. “Be my guest. However, if you try to harm anypony here, it will not go well for you.”
I was pretty sure that he was bluffing because I was almost certain that his Shining Armor was no less capable with shields as mine and he knew it. Nevertheless, I played it cautiously. “Please step back a dozen paces.” When every pony had complied, I selected my target and unleashed a furious lightning bolt from my storage. A moment later, all that was left of a tree was a smoldering stump and burning leaves raining from the sky. I had no sympathy for the plant – the same one in my home dimension gave me a raging case of hay fever when it bloomed and I’d had it removed from the garden.
The thunderclap from the lightning had been deafening to all those ponies confronting us. Shining’s shield had been tuned to deaden the sound so that none in our party were affected, but there were plenty of Royal Guards rubbing their abused ears.
“Are you satisfied?” I asked Spear Point when he returned his glare to me.
“What?!” he yelled back.
Before I could repeat myself, a new voice came from behind the assembled Guards. “Enough! I’m convinced of our visitors’ bona fides.”
A path cleared and a yellow earth pony stallion wearing a royal purple coat and a sunburst medallion around his neck stepped through, accompanied by a pegasus Guard. As I was in the forefront, he stopped in front of me but turned his head to Shining. “Please drop your shield, Captain Armor.”
My friend nodded and complied.
The earth stallion faced me again. “I am Prince Baked Bean and this is my personal guard, Sergeant Clover. Welcome to our world. My wife, Princess Celestia, is currently busy with our foal, but I am sure that she will be pleased to meet you.” He held up a hoof. I held out mine and we shook hooves.
A fairly ordinary-looking earth pony was Celestia’s husband? My curiosity was roused and I looked forward to finding out how that had happened. “I am Prince Mark Wells, Triarch of the Equestrian Empire. Princess Twilight is my co-ruler along with Princess Trixie Lulamoon.” The final name caused Prince Bean’s eyebrows to rise sharply. He obviously knew the local version who, judging by his reaction, was not a princess.
I continued. “My wife, Chrysalis, is Queen of the Canterlot Hive which is sworn to defend and uphold the throne of the Equestrian Empire. Prince Shining Armor is the husband of Princess Cadance of the Crystal Principality, and my final companion is my Chief of Security and personal bodyguard, Penumbra. We hope to open beneficial relationships between our two worlds.”
Prince Bean looked impressed. “I would never have believed that there were other worlds like ours without meeting you. I bet you have some interesting tales to tell us.”
I looked at Twilight with a raised eyebrow and she nodded. It would seem that they might not have had a Starlight Glimmer incident in this universe, or it was yet to occur. After all, while history was fairly consistent within this band of realities, there was still a bit of variation. “We would love to share stories with you although we can’t stay long right now. This portal takes too much power to maintain for an extended time.”
“That’s for the best,” Bean replied. “Celly is rather preoccupied right now with our son. However, we would be pleased to meet you under more comfortable circumstances, say tomorrow morning?”
“That would be fine with us. Do you mind if I bring another with me?”
“Princess Trixie, I assume? No problem. I look forward to meeting her. How do we go about that, by the way?”
I levitated an enchanted sapphire out of my saddlebag and gave him instructions on what to do with it. “And make sure you put the mirror in a secure room for both our sakes.” After agreeing on a time for our follow-up meeting, we headed back to our world and closed the portal. I had a lot of work to get done before our little jaunt tomorrow but the anticipation would keep my mood high.
“Time to get up, Your Royal Splendiferousness.”
Penny. Nopony else used that word. I had to admit the mild annoyance helped pull me out of my awakening stupor. To my surprise, I was alone in our herd’s oversized bed. As expected, Penumbra was fully armored and ready to start the day.
I could hear Rarity, Trixie, and Chrysalis in the sitting room next to the bedroom. When I got out of bed and headed that way, my personal bodyguard and third herdmate stopped me with one gigantic wing.
I raised an eyebrow. “What’s the occasion?”
“You’ll find out when it’s time and no sooner. Now go freshen up and get ready for your extra-dimensional mini-vacation.”
I rolled my eyes and changed direction for the bathroom. “Pushy mares.”
I got the wide, fanged smile I was looking for. “Yep. And you love every minute of us bossing you around.”
I stopped in my tracks. “Oh, so this is a test? Very well, I’ll just slip past you.” Sure, it was a bluff, but also an invitation for some wrestling to spice up an otherwise boring morning.
The thestral’s smile disappeared. “No, no. No need for that. Just get ready now, please.”
Interesting. Penny very much wanted me not to interrupt my other wives. Enough so to back down from her bluster. Well, if Penny was afraid of getting in trouble for ruining the surprise, I would doubtless earn the full wrath of all four of my mares. No reason to spoil the day for everypony involved. “Yes, my Jedi Master.”
“Hah! And don’t you forget it, Apprentice!” Penny followed that with a kiss on my cheek. In a much softer voice, she said, “Thanks.”
After a quick shower (a boring one on account of Penny not helping scrub my back), I put on my crown with the Changeling Stone and my standard gold vest for visiting other dimensions.
When I stepped out of my dressing room (more like a modest walk-in closet), I came up short at the sight I beheld. “Wow!”
Chrysalis held a hoof to her chest and asked, “I take it you approve, my husband?”
Did I ever! Multicolored textured fabric draped over her barrel and down her sides. Thin strands of gemstones fell across her neck and legs. The length of the strands varied to create a layered effect. Her crown had been widened by extensions holding different gemstones. “You look positively radiant!”
Rarity let out a “Squeee!” and pulled Trixie into a hug.
The fashionista’s manic grin got even wider when I said, “You’ve outdone yourself once again, Rarity. Let me guess. Inspiration from the cross-dressing universe?”
“Of course, darling! Our luminous herdmate has already agreed to walk down the runway for the Spring Fashion Show.”
I smirked. “Oh, so Marklestia won’t be needed this year?”
The unicorn shook her head while her stare bore into my soul. “Nice try.”
Only when my eyes returned to Chrysalis did I notice one very important detail. “Holes in your legs? And mane and tail?”
Sally drew closer and gave me a smoldering look. “You’ve never complained about my holes before.” I gaped while the rest of my wives chortled.
Chrysalis continued. “My old look was necessary for this fashion to succeed. I’ll seal them back up after we all get back from our trip to Prince Bean’s dimension.”
If anything, I gaped even more. “What?! You already visited there. I thought it was going to be Twilight, Trixie, Penny, and me.”
“I refuse to let my herdmates, as wonderful as they are, hoard all the fun.”
“But Rarity…” I remembered my insomnia brought about by the fashionista’s late-night vocal inspiration sessions. That certainly counted as ‘fun’.
I said, “… OK. I concede the point. And I agree that your appearance should help allay any fears that you are the same mare as that dimension’s Chrysalis.”
Sally said, “True. Also, no one did anything too rash when I accompanied you yesterday.”
Penumbra patted me on the head. “Such a smart stallion – agreeing with his mares after they have all made a decision.”
“Indeed,” said the changeling queen with a smile. “If I had known he was this intelligent, I would have let him marry me years earlier.”
Without waiting for my reply, Chrysalis opened the doors to our suite with her magic and sashayed into the hallway. I heard the two door guards say “Wow!” as she strode past.
I caught Penumbra’s eye as we trotted to catch up. I held her gaze until she nodded. Message received. There was no guarantee how any Chrysalis might be looked upon in a new dimension and the one that we were visiting had already shown its hostility towards her. Penny would be extra cautious about the safety of our herdmate.
We transitioned the new portal mirror without incident and I noted that our hosts had chosen the same room in their castle as we had to accommodate it. Great minds think alike, it seemed. There was a squad of Royal Guards awaiting our arrival. Judging by their cautious appraisal of Chrysalis, I figured that they had been forewarned of her presence and they were as much as a precaution as an honor guard. Sally ignored them as Trixie and I acknowledged the salute of the squad leader.
“Please accompany us, Your Highnesses,” the corporal said.
He might not have laid eyes on Trixie or me before, but even the least of the guards knew what an alicorn represented and he treated us with due deference. With Trixie by my side and my three herdmates following behind, we were escorted to the Grand Ballroom.
Our arrival caused quite a stir among the gathered nobles but I was focused on the white alicorn mare and yellow earth pony stallion toward which we were headed. I noted that Sergeant Clover flanked his prince’s side and another Royal Guard stood by Celestia – her personal bodyguard, I presumed. I was startled to see a unicorn Trixie standing a pace back from the Prince. Her eyes grew wide as she saw my wife and she dropped the clipboard that she had been holding in her magic. Prince Bean was looking at my Trixie with intense curiosity and even Celestia had raised an eyebrow. We stopped in front of them and bowed.
Celestia said, “I am Princess Celestia Bean and this is my husband, Prince Baked Bean. On behalf of us both, I welcome you to our world.”
Celestia Bean? Now that was unexpected. Normally, I would let Trixie take the lead on these occasions. However, the prince had met me and not my wife, so we had agreed that I would do the honors this time. “I am Prince Mark Wells and this is my wife, Princess Beatrix Lulamoon.” I turned halfway around to introduce the others. “These are my herdmates, Rarity Belle, Captain Penumbra, and Queen Chrysalis of the Canterlot Hive.”
There was a loud muttering at the last but Sally ignored it with dignity.
“A herd?!” Prince Bean blurted out. “You have a herd?”
I replied, “I am unaware of the practices in this world, but in mine, the gender imbalance necessitates arrangements to deal with the needs and desires of so many mares without husbands. The herd arrangement bypasses the restriction of only one legal spouse. Nevertheless, I regard all my herdmates as my wives.”
Bean sputtered, “But four wives?!”
Chrysalis smiled. “Of course! Along with his four wives, my husband has impregnated more mares than I can easily count.” The discussions and muffled cries of shock from the nobles grew louder.
I rolled my eyes and again addressed the Royal Couple. “Between the pony social custom of finding your partner at or near your social class and the ratio of mares to stallions, it's only natural in our Equestria. And Sally, 'one' is not a large number to count, dear.”
“But you certainly tried your hardest with Rainbow Dash, and wasn't there a second Trixie at some point?” At that, the unicorn Trixie took a step back, picked up her clipboard with her magic, and thrust it between us like a shield.
Penumbra showed her fangs and went in for the kill. “Just think of the possibilities, Prince Bean.”
A few vaguely negative sounds escaped Bean’s lips. His eyes darted between my wives, who now nodded while staring levelly at the Prince.
Celestia recovered before her gaping husband. She hid her smirk and whispered to Prince Bean just loud enough for all of us to hear. “Won't Luna be glad to know when I tell her the good news.”
Bean’s head whipped around to stare at his wife. “You wouldn't!”
The white alicorn could only hold a straight face for a few seconds, then every mare burst out laughing. Even their Trixie did so seeing Bean’s facial expression.
The formal aspect of the royal meeting was over, completely smashed to bits. Bean trotted down the stairs of the dais and moved up next to me. He asked, “Do you have to put up with this all the time?”
I put a wing over Bean’s withers. “Welcome to my world, Prince Bean.”
With the ice broken at my expense, as usual, we settled down into informal conversation. While my Trixie chatted with a very intrigued Celestia, I noticed that the local version of her was hanging on every word. Knowing her personality, I guessed that she might be looking for clues on how to ascend to alicorn status too and live up to her “Great and Powerful” boast.
Rarity, Chrysalis, and Penumbra banded together to deal with the questions that the noble mares peppered them with. Not unexpectedly, many of them concerned the presence of the changeling queen but I was sure that Sally could handle them. If not, Penny was on the job.
Bean and I were left in relative peace. Sometimes it was good to be a stallion in a mare’s world because the focus almost always shifted to those they perceived as most important – in this case, my wives. If I hadn’t been an alicorn, I suspect that we would have been left totally alone despite our ranks. It did give Bean and I a chance to talk candidly and we compared how we had each attained our lofty statuses. I was flabbergasted by the bizarre law that precipitated his marriage with the most powerful pony in the world. Touching noses? Surely Celestia could have thought of something better? I made a mental note to ask my Celestia how she had coped with power-hungry noble stallions during the early days of her reign.
Bean was boggled in turn when I revealed that I was formerly a human. Apparently, he was familiar with the species and, after a few questions, I figured out he’d been to Sunset Shimmer’s world. I wondered if it was the same one that I knew or yet another parallel universe. Anyway, finding out that we had both been commoners before being thrust onto the throne by different circumstances had given us a sense of camaraderie.
We were sharing a drink and trading recipes when I noticed a disturbance. A pegasus Royal Guard stallion was stomping angrily in the direction of my herdmates. His glare seemed focused on Chrysalis in particular, unsurprisingly. I murmured, “Bean – who’s that?”
He turned to see the pony I was looking at. He frowned. “That’s Sergeant Hokey Pokey. He’s the stallion that our Chrysalis is enamored with.”
“Doesn’t he know that this isn’t his Chrysalis?”
“He was off-duty yesterday and he’s only just come back on, so he might not have heard.”
I started moving towards my herdmates. “While Sally and Penny can handle the situation, I think we’d better nip this in the bud.”
Pokey had already reached my wife though and he wasn’t holding back.
“What in Celestia’s name are you doing here, Chrysalis?!” he hoarsely whispered. “You can’t keep crashing their Highnesses’ functions at a whim! And where in Tartarus did you get that dress?”
Chrysalis was unperturbed and smiled back at the red-faced pegasus. She walked in a slow circle in front of the stallion to best show herself off. “Do you like it? I thought I’d look my best for this special occasion.”
Pokey grated his teeth before grudgingly admitting, “It looks fantastic. Nevertheless, you are coming back home with me right now!”
Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. “Really? Not that it wouldn’t amuse me, but I think my husband might object to that.”
“Your what?!”
I spoke up. “Me. Her husband. That is not your Queen Chrysalis, Sergeant.”
Bean hastened to back me up. “It’s true. These are visitors from an alternate universe and this changeling queen is married to Prince Wells here.”
I think that the Sergeant might have had difficulty swallowing that explanation if I hadn’t been an alicorn. It took only a few moments for him to swing from righteous anger to embarrassed humiliation. He saluted me. “My apologies, Your Highness. I meant no offense.”
“Does this mean our date is off, Sergeant?” Chrysalis asked in a sickly sweet tone dripping with disappointment.
“Not now, Sally,” I muttered. “It was an understandable mistake, Sergeant. Rest assured that my wife poses no problem to you.”
“Thank you, sir. I wish I could say the same for my bug queen.”
I suppressed a smirk. He might have accepted that Sally was legit but he obviously still held a grudge with changeling queens. I could sympathize. “I’m curious. Could you tell us all about your Chrysalis and how you became a couple?”
Boy! Did that open the floodgates!
Sally and I glided in to land in front of a modest, single-story house on the outskirts of Canterlot. Nothing about the residence proclaimed it was housing royalty, changeling or otherwise. I walked up to the door and was about to knock when my wife’s loud throat-clearing made me pause. I dutifully waited until she had gotten her dress all sorted out for maximum impressiveness, I suppose.
I brought my hoof up again. “Ready?”
“Always.” My wife’s green magic aura encased the door and it swung inwards. Sally lifted her head as she strode past me and inside.
I brought my hoof down to reach into my saddlebags as I mumbled, “Of course. Why bother knocking when going to visit yourself?”
We found Queen Chrysalis at the kitchen table with a stack of magazines to one side and a pile of torn-out pages to the other. Her chitin was marred with subtle blotches of color. It reminded me of wood that wouldn’t let go of some hint of its previous paint, even after repeated scrubbings. She spoke without looking up. “Almost done editing these dreadful magazines, my Pokey-poo. So much better without any dreadful alicorns inside.” She tore another page free with a flourish. I came up next to my wife and decided to follow her lead at just waiting for our hostess’s reaction.
After “Pokey-poo” didn’t answer, Queen Chrysalis looked up. The years spent with Sally let me recognize shock, confusion, then anger. She said, “Dimension travelers! Get out of my territory, imposter! And as for your pet alicorn—”
A downward twitch of her head clued me to exactly when to throw my nullstone tracking band. Before the queen could use her magic or utter another syllable, her horn was neutralized and my wife’s magic aura forced the queen’s head down onto the table. That’s when I noticed the green field wrapped around the captive’s neck. That explained the lack of complaining.
As much as Sally liked to drive home a point, Queen Chrysalis would need to breathe sometime. I said, “Make it quick, dear.”
Queen Chrysalis’s eyes went wide and she scrambled with her hooves to pull away from the table. Magazines and papers flew everywhere. Whoops. Might have phrased that poorly.
Sally expanded her magical grasp to immobilize the Queen’s forehooves and waited for the Queen to meet her gaze. “Hello. I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I am Queen Chrysalis of the Canterlot Hive. I’ll have you know that I swore an oath to uphold the laws of Equestria in letter and in spirit.” My wife moved closer and showed her fangs. “But we aren’t in my Equestria right now, are we?”
This was going on too long. “Dear, make your final points, please.” That elicited another round of struggling from the changeling queen. I reconsidered what I had said. Oops. I’m just not very good at this.
It did seem that my wife had heard me. With a dismissive sniff, she tossed the queen back into her chair while releasing her magical hold. “Good. I'm so glad we understand each other. So let's just set some ground rules, shall we? You shall not disparage myself or my chosen mate. At all times, you will act with decorum. In return, we may choose to inform your Twilight how to remove your nullification band. I’ll leave the groveling to her for a favor in your capable hooves.”
I sat down across from the changeling queen. Her breathing slowed as she got oxygen back into her body. Her stare reminded me of old times. I pointed with a hoof. “See that dear? You used to glare at me like an angry cobra, too.” I sighed. “What happened to those happy days when we would flirt with unbridled venom? Do you think we’ve lost that chemistry… that special feeling between us?”
“Yes.” My Chrysalis sat next to me in the only remaining empty chair. We stared at her counterpart across the table.
I said, “You’ve already surmised that we come from the Equestria of a parallel world. I am Prince Mark Wells.”
Our hostess’s hoof moved from rubbing her throat to feeling the nullstone band but chose to say nothing. Fine then. I’ll talk to my wife. “Was all of that posturing necessary, dear?”
Sally gave me a quick nuzzle. “Noling knows me like I know me. This one has the emotional maturity I had when I was a teenager. I should know because I stagnated in that state for so many decades. Trust me, my stallion. The one thing she respects is power. And now, I have that power.”
Queen Chrysalis continued to glare at us. After several seconds, she dropped her hoof to the table. “What do you want?” she spat out.
My wife tilted her head and smiled sweetly. “Oh, I just had to find out about this version of me that was horn-over-hocks in love with a stallion in this world.” Her magic lifted the changeling queen’s mane until Queen Chrysalis batted her hair free with wildly flailing forehooves. “I see that expressing your love to someone other than your children hasn’t made you all sparkly. Most interesting.”
I said, “I suspect the Laws of Magic and Harmony may work a bit differently here.”
My Chrysalis turned to me, “Or she could be defective.”
I bumped her with my shoulder. “Dear, enough. You’ve sufficiently established both your dominance and your distaste for this version of yourself. Now; do you plan to issue a formal challenge for control of her hive?”
My wife looked appraisingly across the table at her counterpart, who once again had the anger drain away from her face.
Sally shook her head. “No.”
“Then you need to follow your own directive and likewise act with decorum.”
“Yes, husband.”
Queen Chrysalis glanced between us, her brow furrowed. “You… you let your stallion dictate to you?”
My wife said, “No. We listen to each other and value what the other has to say. We reach compromise through common respect.”
“And love?”
My wife stiffened. Queen Chrysalis saw that reaction and pounced. “You don’t love him, do you? He is a convenience and a means to achieve your ends, isn’t he?”
I cocked an eyebrow and looked at Sally. I thought I knew the answer already but we had not discussed it. One of the unspoken rules of our relationship was that my wife didn’t talk about her emotions unless she chose to do so.
My Chrysalis sighed. “I admit that I used a careless promise made by Prince Wells to establish my new life once I left the old one behind. When I joined his herd, I held respect for him but no affection.” She paused and shuffled her wings.
“And then?” I prompted.
“And then we grew closer than I had intended.” She gripped my hoof in hers. “His wit, power, and outstanding qualities as a father made me care for him.”
Queen Chrysalis tapped the table impatiently. “You are avoiding my question. Do you love him?”
My wife looked at me and smiled. “I do.” It may have been a trick of the light, but Sally’s mane seemed to sparkle a bit brighter. “I admitted the truth to myself when he ate up the last of the now-extinct cavefish in Luna’s grotto inside Canterlot Mountain.”
Queen Chrysalis said, “Wait. Princess Luna has a secret grotto?”
My wife’s smile faded and she looked forward, once again all business. She continued to grip my hoof, however. “Ummm... Perhaps I should not have mentioned this. It may be another aspect that is different between alternate worlds.”
I chuckled. “No worries. If you’re wrong, I’m sure this version of Princess Luna will be overjoyed that you just made this common knowledge.” That earned me a sideways glare.
“Hmmm…” Queen Chrysalis tapped her chin. “That sounds like a lovely spot for a date with my stallion. The darker and damper the better. Even if Luna doesn’t know about it, I should be able to find it by sending drones to map the underground streams.”
My turn to ask a question. “So, Your Majesty. Do you still plan to conquer Equestria? Take the entire population captive and breed and pod them as you see fit? Make your hive supreme over every sapient creature on Equus?”
From her scowl, Queen Chrysalis caught my sarcasm. “Yes. It is the destiny of our race.”
My wife said, “And how will your Babboo feel about this? Do you think he will fall deeply enough in love with you to allow his fellow guardsponies, friends, and family to live the rest of their lives in pods?”
The queen rustled her wings that were decidedly not sparkly. “I’m working on it.”
Sally leaned forward. “Why don’t you just green-lock him and order him to love you without reservation? Why would an empty husk not be sufficient?”
Queen Chrysalis looked away. We gave her as much time as she needed to craft her answer.
Softly, she said. “Because of exactly that. I love the stallion that he is. Hypnotizing him would break him.” She raised her voice a bit. “Don’t think I am unaware of how much damage I did to Shining Armor and Prince Bean.”
Actually, I didn’t know. Not the time to ask, though.
My wife said, “Then realize the inevitable as I did. My Equestria is an empire. Its territory and protectorates span most of the races on Equus. Even now… even today, that empire gains new allies across even more dimensions. Against such a force, no changeling hive can stand. Many years ago, that Equestria invaded my hive and defeated us without the loss of a single life on either side.” That piece of news got a jump out of the queen. “That’s right. My throne was smashed and hive overrun almost without effort. And still, you cling to the belief that you can win through the might of your indomitable force of will?”
Queen Chrysalis smiled. “I have my own ways.”
I said, “Ah. Replace the leaders with drones and rely on ponykind’s tendency to follow the leader of the herd. Yes, we had to work a bit to counteract that. Entirely doable.”
The queen frowned at me. “I also have other ways. I will not give you any hints so you can blab to the big-white-round-flanked one.”
I leaned back in my chair. “You mean any more hints. Thanks, by the way.”
She snarled and started to stand up. “Don’t patronize me, you …” The queen slowly sat down. Her voice was level. “No. You will not bait me.”
My Chrysalis said, “I agree that this is one of his worse tendencies. I’m glad to see I’m not the only me he can play like a fiddle.”
“Oh? Tell me about his other bad qualities.”
“He is exceptionally stubborn. Still, the four members of our herd are teaming up with several other mares to teach him a stallion’s proper place in any relationship.”
While I knew Sally was teasing me, this Chrysalis ate it up. She jumped on the chance to alter the power dynamic of the conversation. “Is that true, stallion? Have you not learned yet that despite your lofty title, you hold power only by the whim of females? Can I assume you are intelligent enough to realize that mares will always run the world?”
I gave a defeated sigh. “I know better than anyone. I’ve been living that truth for years.” I saw all of Queen Chrysalis’s fangs now.
I smirked. “Only one thing to do.” I switched to long-maned Marklestia and yelled, “BOO!”
“GAH!” Queen Chrysalis threw herself backward and tumbled off her chair.
I smiled at my wife. “You were right, dear. This was a great idea to visit the other you. So much fun.” We shared a long and passionate kiss. When I looked back at our hostess, her lips were pulled down in disgust but her wings were extended to soak up the freely given love. I chuckled. Few things were as amusing to me as a conflicted changeling.
“Sally, we need—”
“Ugh!” The changeling queen stuck out her tongue. “Sally?! Is that… is that a nickname? It’s abhorrent!”
My wife said, “Of course it is. Still, you have to remember what I said about compromise. I settle for getting a little act of revenge for every time he calls me that terrible name.”
I blinked. “What act of revenge?” My Chrysalis just smiled while the other laughed openly. “What have you been doing to get even? For years?”
“Come along, husband. We mustn’t dally.” I used an outstretched wing to keep her from heading for the door.
I shifted back to my stallion body, pulling my vest out of the dimensional storage where I had put it when changing forms. I lowered my voice. “We’ll talk about that later. We still have two final matters to attend to.” I looked back at Queen Chrysalis who was no longer chuckling. In fact, her ears were pointed backward. “Tracking bands are on Twilight’s restricted export list. ‘Pugnacious’.”
At the spoken keyword, the nullstone band uncurled from the queen’s horn and flew back to my hoof. I stuffed it into my saddlebag.
I continued. “Also, didn’t Sergeant Hokey-poo express some positive emotions regarding your choice of fashion?”
“Some?” exclaimed my wife. “I think only professional pride and his annoyance at seeing his ‘marefriend’ at the Castle kept Pokey-Yummy from running his hooves all over me.”
The queen’s eyes grew hard. “Don’t you dare call him…” She blinked. “Wait. Really?”
I said, “That was my impression as well. Dear, why don’t you leave the outfit for this Chrysalis to try on? She did behave herself to an extent and we are trying to spread the Magic of Friendship wherever we go.”
The queen practically bounced up and down. “Oh, yes. Be my friend and all that nonsense.”
I stared into Queen Chrysalis’s eyes. “Before you get any clever ideas, I’ll be telling this world’s princesses who is the new owner of the dress.” I used the Changeling Stone in my crown to give myself a longer set of fangs than even Sally’s. “You will not be impersonating my wife.”
Our hostess’s horn glowed for a moment then winked out. My lack of a single shred of fear may have caused her to reassess her actions. She said, “Understood.” Or maybe she just really wanted that dress.
I nodded and looked at my wife. Sally shifted the voids in her legs until they reached the surface and disappeared. The many thin chains of multi-colored gemstones fell to the floor with a hiss. Her horn glowed and the dress unwrapped and lifted free. “Do take good care of it… unless your stallion tears it off your body in passion. That is also acceptable.”
Queen Chrysalis held out a foreleg and my wife draped the fabric onto it. The queen said, “I can only hope.” Her horn lit again and the chains floated to her side. She smiled. “You two know your way out. I need to get ready for a date tonight.” With that, Queen Chrysalis trotted past us with a beaming smile on her face.
I called after her, “It was nice to meet you, too!” A slamming bedroom door was her answer.
I looked my now naked wife up and down and smirked. “What do you think? Is she herdmate material? Would she make a good fifth wheel, Sally?”
She laughed. “Already taken. I thought you had learned not to make light of such things. Talking about adding to your herd without first consulting with your lead mare? It seems I was mistaken.”
I smiled. “What? No rebuke or fresh threats about calling you Sally?”
My wife chuckled darkly. “To be honest, my stallion, I’m surprised you haven’t recognized the petty acts of retaliation that… Well, never mind. I’m sure you’ll find out someday.”
Damn it, not even a hint… if these supposed acts of revenge existed at all.
“Yes, they do exist. Ask Penumbra if you don’t believe me. You simply aren’t devious enough to—”
I growled. “Fine, fine. Like you said, we can’t be dallying. Come on, let’s go… Sally!”
As I chivvied my wife out the front door, she laughed freely. I gave a dark stare to her happily swishing tail. She had gotten to me and I couldn’t even pretend it to be otherwise.
The treaty that we signed with the rulers in Prince Bean’s world was not the last. The success of forming alliances with so many new dimensions had filled us with a strong sense of accomplishment. Therefore, while we would soon need to refocus on work in our home dimension, we decided that we could handle a couple more before putting a hold on our exploration of alternate universes.
The latest one was a peaceful world much like our own. However, the major players were largely different although still familiar. One, in particular, had taken a great interest in those differences and had asked me to bear a message to my changeling wife. I enthusiastically agreed.
Chrysalis was waiting for our return. I had promised to deal with some hive matters with her when I got back from this meeting and it appeared that she did not intend to waste any time. That made it very convenient for me to pass on the missive immediately.
I gave my mate a kiss before saying, “We had a lovely talk with the Princess of Love while over there. She wants to meet you, Sally.”
Chrysalis gave me a puzzled frown. “Why would another world’s Princess Cadance want to talk with me? There is nothing wrong with our relationship, husband.”
I grinned. “I’m afraid you’ve gotten the wrong idea.” I pulled a photo out of my saddlebag with my magic and passed it to my wife. “Here’s a picture of her.”
Sally took the photo in her magic and looked at it. Then her eyes bulged and she gave a strangled cry. “Ack! SHARDS, NO!” She tore the photograph to shreds and then immolated it for good measure. She turned and stomped away, her nose in the air as if she had caught a whiff of something distasteful.
Shining, Trixie, and I cracked up laughing as I pulled out a second print of the photo. “I think I’ll put this on display – preferably in a magically reinforced frame. The Princess of Love deserves it.” I gazed at the image with a broad grin on my face. The changeling queen had never looked so adorably cute!
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A bit of the carrot and stick? That was like a baby carrot and a caber.
I stayed up late to read this chapter when I saw it was available to read! Very enjoyable and fun!
I admit, I’m a tad disappointed that this chapter focused so much on Chrysalis when it could have talked more about Celestia and Bean’s relationship.
10897033
What would you have liked to have seen that would not have interfered with Irrespective's canon storyline?
10897048
I'm not sure, maybe some fawning over the cute little royal colt?
10897052
There was a reason that I did not mention the gender of the foal!
And this was just the first formal meeting.
I didn't think you would do cross overs
10897067
We got the thumbs up from Irrespective before we started.
Crystal Kingdom? Wasn't it renamed the Crystal Principality?
Always good to see something from you, Goldfur. Maybe I can some day.
damn long term covid...
10897067
First time for everything.
Except, it's not exactly the first. The short story that I wrote in Calm Wind's Wonderverse kind of crosses over with my Cogsverse.
Quick question, just how old was Mark when he landed in Equestria and met Alicorn Trixie?
10897075
Oops. Fixed.
Look up a few MLP/Harry Potter crossover stories. I'm sure someone/somepony would get a kick out of that meeting.
unlikely but if they ever met, Neal and Mark will have alot to talk about.
I would expect nothing less
Well would you look at that, it's a Royal Bean
I didn't
10897194
whaddaya know- i was right. with my memory, I can't be positive. Well, other than you being a fantastic writer, that is.
That I am truly confident in.
Magnificent chapter
Just imagen them all go to the space age!
♡♡♡♡♡
Liking all the comments takes to long
The time restriction feels like ages
ANYWAY...
I wonder if the all share later space tech and multi universal rescue will be started ones eventually someone get himself in trouble...
10897200
There are a ton of Harry Potter crossovers by other authors. Heck - I'm reading one right now. I don't think I could do anywhere near as good but I'll keep it in mind.
10897417
Titel? I never read one yet...
10897420
Here are two:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/371039/magic-school-days
I'm currently reading the sequel to this one - https://www.fimfiction.net/story/406279/if-wishes-were-ponies
10897424
Thanks a lot 👍
Tsk, tsk, your response should have been, "Oh, that explains a few things." and leave it for later (if you really want more trouble later) ...
10897482
Like Chrysalis said, Mark just isn't quite devious enough to instantly throw it back onto her like that and make her wonder for a change.
10897164
Mark was around 25 years old when he came to Equestria.
10897529
Thank you for answering my question. :)
This gave me a giggle. So wholesomely hilarious!
Husband
that last picture reminds me of a comic strip based on the "mirror dimension" in the comic books.
that is, the one where Celestia and Luna were evil and Sombra was good.
that fan-comic had a good Chrysalis and an evil Cadence...
10897785
I can't believe that both Jeff and I missed that. Fixed now.
So many parralel and pseudo parralel possibilities, depending how fat that 8% goes?
As far as DOAM? Austreoh? CSP? Theyre Everywhere? Stories In Stone? Tryptich? Ponyfinder? And Now for Something Totally The Same? Mender/Forgiveness Pending? Legacy?
Id post my favourite list, but I think Knighty had to recode the site because I ran into the Thousand Cap.
10897424
Two of the better HP X-overs.
10897233
That would definitely be a fun read. Someone definitely needs to talk to Redbear about that idea.
10898353
sadly he just is not interested
oh Goldie, mark forgot to buy the T-Shirt
OOO i love this chapter.
you just cant keep a good bean down.
10898386
DOH!
Excuse me while I cackle like a maniac.
That's one Bean that has it good.
That was a fun romp through the Beanverse. Too bad there wasn't a good spot in their conversations for Baked Bean to be pretty extra sure of anything.
Aw, so they did eat them all. Oh well.
Also, a couple of quick corrections:
Missing open quote before These are my herdmates
Missing possessive ' following Highnesses
Later that evening:
Hokey Pokey: "Finally home. Chrysalis I .... Wow!"
Queen Chrysalis: "Ah. Do you approve, my Pokey-poo? Just a little gift I received earlier today."
Hokey Pokey: "Well, yeah. It looks great, but, where's the headpiece?"
Queen Chrysalis: "... what?"
Hokey Pokey [pointing a hoof]: "You know, the crown extensions that so gracefully complement the outfit with the multi-colored jewels."
Queen Chrysalis [posing]: "Umm... Doesn't this look just as good without it, My Sweet Baboo?"
Hokey Pokey: "Welllll...."
Queen Chrysalis [snarling]: "DOESN"T IT?!"
Hokey Pokey [backpedaling]: "Yes! Of course! Yes!"
Mark Wells: "Finally home. Say, Sally? You forgot to leave the crown-extension-things with Queen Chrysalis."
Sally [smirking]: "Dear husband. I rather like this headpiece. Please don't mistake me for the Element of Generosity. You already have one of those.”
Heh. Just imagine what would happen if Mark ever makes it over to Harem Bean...
10901459
Harem Bean? Considering how he freaked out at Celestia's cheeky hint of adding Luna, I think he would have a heart attack at more! Some guys know when to quit while they are ahead.
10901459
Ah, you are referring to this story, are you not?
I could see that Bean asking Mark, “Please tell me your home dimension has something to help me survive the affections of three immortal and powerful mares.
Mark would smirk and say, “Buddy, you are in luck. There’s this little purple pill…”.
Ponytaurs? Are they adorably smol?
10914232
But the other way might go better. Or maybe just a family trip?
It could be anything from a mundane visit to Maccas to a visit to Disney Land. ("'Magic Kingdom? ' yeah sure")
A plane ride might be just as magical to the equestrians as seeing a real pegasus would be to us.
Or they could sell a few gemstones and go on a luxury cruise.
10914249
For pony hijinx on Earth, I heartily recommend this story by Georg.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/387047/farmer-bruener-has-some-ponies
10902076
10902206
I thought you guys said you were going to keep this at the TV/PG rating pics.me.me/source-is-mentioned-in-our-blog-www-unbelievablefactsblog-com-thr-following-preview-13135281.png
10897079
And don't forget Nyx.
This low-key bothers me.
Yes, I know - I'm coming from a more patriarchal society (not completely, nowadays, thank fuck), and lightly-RGRE is something I do actually enjoy (for the culture clash)... but I'm a strong proponent of equal recognition, privileges, and responsibility - and I'm happy in my ability to both make decisions, and to not have them made for me.
I'm sure Mark is fairly OK with how things turned out, but I can still see him getting irked from time to time, for apparently "no reason at all". I mean, he had to adapt to their society... why can't they bend a little to his?
10988123
The herdmates did not summarily ignore or dismiss Mark’s concerns. They respectfully countered his arguments with logic. If Mark had stated that in no uncertain terms, something wasn’t going to happen, they would have been disappointed but respected his pronouncement.
Only after he capitulated did the teasing start.