• Member Since 29th Nov, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Mr Legoman


A practicing writer who loves the fantasy genre and is a hopeless romantic at heart.

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Flash and Twilight are headed to the movies for a date. However, as they get closer, Twilight begins to grow nervous at the movie they're about to watch. Meant for Flashlight Week, day 1 opposites.
6/11: Revised and edited.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 10 )

Now I'm curious about what anime Flash likes.

Okay, firstly, the story structure needs work. I had a hard time of keeping the dialogue straight. By the way, when writing dialogue, it's highly recommended to start a new paragraph every time you change speakers.

It's funny how you characterized Flash as being unaffected by cold because in my headcanon he doesn't like being cold which is interesting because Twilight has cold hands in my headcanon. :rainbowlaugh:

It's not a bad story. You have a lot of good ideas, but I think you might have focused a little too much on the negative aspects of their date. I don't know. Maybe this story would have come out more romantic if you focused more on Flash and Twilight bonding despite the fact that she didn't enjoy the movie. Also, Flash trying to get Twilight to like anime felt a bit pushy on his part, but I did like how he was willing to engage in her interests for the sake of spending time with her.

On another note, Twilight is really relatable in this story. I'm not a huge anime fan myself, especially of shonen anime, and all my younger siblings self-identify as otakus. The fight scenes just feel like they drag on longer than they need to. That being said, I think I'm better at forcing myself to watch anime than Twilight in this story.

Hi!! Oh my God! I wasn't expecting this, aw, thank you so much for participate! Don't worry about time, there is still a month left to participate!

I will leave this comment and then later I will make another one when I finish reading. Thanks again for uploading this, I hope you can finish your others entries!

10423246
Maybe be you just need to see the right anime for you.

10433625
:ajbemused: Even if you're right, I don't have the time or energy to look for it. My current entertainment preferences/borderline obsessions eat up a good chunk of my time and energy already.

10423246
Well, thanks for the feedback. I realize this is a tad late but thanks. I love your stuff by the way.

11268913
Oh, no problem. This story cleaned up quite nicely. :twilightsmile:

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