• Member Since 30th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen February 29th

kryxel


E
Source

Kingdom hearts and ponies.
Scootaloo with a keyblade.
Stars going out in the sky.
What's not to love?

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 8 )

Many typos.
For one your description

[strike]k[/strike]ingdom hearts and[strike] ponys.[/strike]
[strike]s[/strike]cootaloo with a keyblade.
[strike]s[/strike]tars going out in the sky
[strike]whats[/strike] not to love?

Should be:
Kingdom hearts and ponies.
Scootaloo with a keyblade.
Stars going out in the sky.
What's not to love?

Apart from some minor things, Sweetie Belle's name is Sweetie Belle, not Sweetiebell, and you often forgot to Capatalise the D in Dash (it's still part of Rainbow's name. I won't give you a thumbs down, but until these mistakes improve, don't expect a thumbs up either.

There are also pacing, and transition issues during and when closing chapters. I recommend getting an editor to help fix these and the typos mentioned earlier.

That or a good re-write is in order. :unsuresweetie:

1346003 I didn't say I didn't, but the mistakes make it less entertaining to read.
He seems to have fixed quite a few things though, so I shall give him another shot.

Hmmm this story sounds interesting I'll watch you:pinkiecrazy:

Comment posted by Warrior Kitten deleted Mar 13th, 2018
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