Young man Charles Everwood comes across an impossible find, a pony by the name of Stardust.
Each struggle with something new and the task of Discovery.
Him, the responsibilities of caring for another and getting out of his comfortable routine life.
Her, trying to cope in a new world and try to keep hope that she can find her brother and get home.
((It's not my first time writing a fiction but it is my first time writing about MLP:FIM in any way, shape, or form.))
CE Continuum
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So far, this story seems well-written. I didn't notice any grammatical errors, but it felt like there could be a bit more detail. The dialogue was sparse, but I noticed that both of the characters were speaking in the same paragraph quite often. Personally, I was taught that when a different character begins speaking, a new paragraph should start to avoid confusion. Overall, I would give this story a 7/10 so far, and I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Story has sandvich, story with sandvich is good story
girrrreat!!!! I LUV IT
This chapter shows improvement from the last one, the dialogue is easier to follow, the level of detail is improved, and the characters show development. This story showed potential with the first chapter, and proved it with the second. I can't wait to see where this is going.
It's aaaaaall done.
This was a good story, but the end prompts a question: Are you planning on writing a sequel, or was it a "ride off into the sunset" ending?
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Mostly the latter, but i guess it's sort of more both. I wanted to leave the possibility of a sequel open in case I wanted to come back and do a HiE sort of story. As it stands i have no ideas for such a story, so for now, it's just a "flashy" ending.